Bobservations

I wasn’t really into the Royal Wedding for a variety of reasons …

Pomp and Circumstance ain’t my thang.

It started way too early.

And, perhaps, most importantly … Bitch stole my man.

Now, I love Carlos to death, but I was kinda hoping I would be the Duchess of Sussex, with my Hot Prince Ginger at my side, though, to be completely honest, I’d have named myself the Duchess of SucksIt, cuz, you know.

But …Carlos could not get enough of it. He’d say he wasn’t really interested, but every chance he got he was glued to a TV watching it, and then watching the summary of it, and then the recap of it, and then the highlights of it.

But, you know, he wasn’t really interested.

Poor racist ranting New York lawyer Aaron Schlossberg. You know, the hate-spewing asshat caught on a cell phone video threatening to call ICE on restaurant workers for speaking Spanish:

“My next call is to ICE to have each one of them kicked out of my country. If they have the balls to come here and live off my money—I pay for their welfare, I pay for their ability to live here. The least they can do is speak English in what my country.”

Well, with his world crumbling down around him Aaron Schlossberg has apologized for being a racist ass:

“To the people I insulted, I apologize, seeing myself online opened my eyes — the manner in which I expressed myself is unacceptable and is not the person I am. I see my words and actions hurt people, and for that I am deeply sorry.

While people should be able to express themselves freely, they should do so calmly and respectfully. What the video did not convey is the real me, I am not racist. One of the reasons I moved to New York is precisely because of the remarkable diversity offered in this wonderful city.

I love this country and this city, in part because of immigrants and the diversity of cultures immigrants bring to this country. Again, my sincerest apologies to anyone and everyone I hurt.”

Um, Aaron, you are a racist; you spewed racist venom and were perfectly fine with it until your words were held against you and the only way out was to apologize.

Oh, and this isn’t your country, it’s our country.

Good trans news … a federal court has denied the Gloucester County School Board’s motion to dismiss a case brought by former student Gavin Grimm, holding that Title IX and the Constitution protect transgender students from being excluded from the common restrooms that align with their gender identity:

“The district court’s ruling vindicates what Gavin has been saying from the beginning. Federal law protects Gavin and other students who are transgender from being stigmatized and excluded from using the same common restrooms that other boys and girls use. These sorts of discriminatory policies do nothing to protect privacy and only serve to harm and humiliate transgender students.”

Gavin Grimm, above, had this reaction:

“I feel an incredible sense of relief. After fighting this policy since I was 15 years old, I finally have a court decision saying that what the Gloucester County School Board did to me was wrong and it was against the law. I was determined not to give up because I didn’t want any other student to have to suffer the same experience that I had to go through.”

The march goes on …

Another day, another Republican with an idiotic idea…

First came the ‘Don’t throw rocks in the ocean or else the seas will rise” asshattery. And that was followed by the “Too many doors in school kill students’ asshattery, and that was followed by the ‘Let’s not allow students wo wear trench coats to school” nonsense.

And now this, from Republican Congresswoman Diane Black of Tennessee who wants to crowdfund the proposed border wall the president repeatedly claimed Mexico would pay for.

Now we’re gonna GoFundMe the wall? Bitch, please. Black introduced legislation to establish a fund that allows Americans to donate to build the wall, which the _____ administration has estimated will cost around $20 billion. And she’ll give y’all the added perk of having your name, if you donate, put on a plaque on the wall:

“My husband and I are willing to write the first check to say, ‘we as Americans want to do what the president has said — we want to fund that wall.”

Black, who is running to be the next governor of Tennessee—seriously, Tennessee? —was asked about what happened to Mexico paying for the wall.

“Well, I would like for Mexico to pay for that and I’m not close enough to the administration to see what pressure they are putting on them.”

Diane? Take a seat you fool and pay attention: Mexico will not pay for a wall; a wall will not stop illegal immigration; American citizens who are stuck with the GOP Tax Scam, are not gonna throw more coins at the government for some stupid wall. Even with a goddamned plaque on it.

Sit.Down.

If you had any doubt that Fox News is the NRA news network, this might change your mind …

On the day of the shooting last week in Santa Fe, Texas, Fox Hack Tucker Carlson spent exactly 17 seconds … seconds … of his hour long show on the shooting.

The rest of the time he talked about robots, diapers and the royal wedding. 

‘Nuff said.

Someone needs to teach the Publix bakery … at least the one in Charleston … a little something about the English Language.

Cara Koscinski ordered a cake online from Publix for her son’s graduation from a “Christian-based home-schooling program” and wanted the words Summa Cum Laude iced onto it.

She then received an alert …an actual alert … from Publix saying the store won’t write “profanity” on their cakes. But she ordered it anyway and when it arrived it was, well cum-less, so Cara naturally took it to Facebook:

“Ok. I didn’t want to post but I cannot resist. I ordered Jacob’s graduation cake from Publix. A $70 cake!! He earned a 4.79 GPA. Publix refused to write the words Summa Cum Laude because I was using ‘profanity!’ They put three dashes instead of the word!

How utterly ridiculous and I will be speaking to a manager for a refund. Shame on you Publix for turning an innocent Latin phrase into a total embarrassment for having to explain to my son and others (including my 70-year-old mother) about this joke of a cake.”

Publix has apologized to Cara and removed the word “cum” from their banned list.

Ooh, now I have a cake to order.

The NRA has a new enemy … Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Dick’s was one company that announced it would be doing its part to decrease gun violence by refusing to sell “assault-style rifles” in its stores. They this announcement back in February, and now they have gone even further: the unsold rifles will not be returned to manufacturers — they will be destroyed instead:

“We are in the process of destroying all firearms and accessories that are no longer for sale as a result of our February 28th policy change… We are destroying the firearms in accordance with federal guidelines and regulations.”

And now the NRA is throwing a _____-sized tantrum, taking to Twitter to blast the company’s “business model”, which is a far more responsible response than anything the NRA has ever done after a mass shooting:

“@Dicks decision isn’t focusing on the actual problem, what it is doing is punishing law-abiding citizens. What a waste, and what a strange business model.”

I say, “What a great thing.” The NRA is not the least bit concerned with guns, gun control, responsible gun legislation, they are all about making money from selling guns.

Fuck ‘em.

This is still making me giggle … last Saturday _____ Tweeted out a Welcome home to his wife after her mystery hospital stay and, well, y’all know what happened:

“Great to have our incredible First Lady back home in the White House. Melanie is feeling and doing really well. Thank you for all of your prayers and best wishes.”

Melanie! As if she needed one more reason to loathe that Fat Bastard of a husband of hers. The tweet was quickly deleted and replaced with a new tweet with her name—in case you forgot, it’s Melania—spelled correctly.

But, maybe there was a good reason for Melanie… apparently some staffers actually compose Tweets for _____ to send out because he’s busy with his bath, or his Big Mac, or his hookers and porn stars, and so, in order to simulate the cadence and his speech, they often purposefully misspell words and forget punctuation. They overuse the exclamation point! They CAPITALIZE words for no reason.

They, you know, “dumb it down” so you’ll know it’s the president Tweeting.

Even though it looks like the summit between the Two Bad hair Dudes, _____ and Un, may not happen, that didn’t stop the White House from issuing a commemorative coin.

Why? Well, the White House is a hot mess, _____ is a foreign policy moron—think embassy in Jerusalem and dead children, while Ivanka smiled and took selfies—and think that his team feels he needs a win.

So, make a coin for an event that has not yet happened, and may never happen.

Justin Clynes. Hot male model; totally swoonworthy. There is nothing left to say except, Enjoy!

Bobservations

Well well well…yesterday one of the nation’s largest sports retailers, Dick’s Sporting Goods, announced it was immediately ending sales of all assault-style rifles in its stores and that they would no longer sell guns to anyone under 21 years of age, regardless of local laws.

And then Walmart announced the minimum age to buy guns in their stores would be raised to 21.

And so it begins …

For eight years we endured gun nuts and the NRA telling Americans that Obama was coming for their guns and yet that never happened.

And now the NRA’s $30 million man, _____, has said he favors taking guns away from people who might commit violence before going through legal due process.

And yet I’m not hearing outcry. Why?

And we all know _____ wants to arm teachers, but maybe he needs to give that some thought … or any thought.

Jesse Randal Davidson, a teacher from Dalton High School in Georgia was arrested yesterday after firing a handgun inside his classroom and sending panicked students running for their lives.

Armed teachers.

Donald Trump’s closest adviser, former model …. Yes, I said “model” …  Hope Hicks is resigning one day after she testified for eight hours before the House Intelligence Committee, telling them she had to tell white lies for Trump.

She admitted she lies for the president. Again, where’s the GOP outrage?

I remember a few weeks back when people, including myself, poked fun at Michele Bachmann for saying she was waiting for a sign from God to tell her if she should run for Al Franken’s former Senate seat,

God told her no. This week, Oprah, still pushing that ‘Will she or won’t she’ bullshit, says she is also asking God to tell her if she should run:

“I went into prayer… ‘God, if you think I’m supposed to run, you gotta tell me, and it has to be so clear that not even I can miss it.’ And I haven’t gotten that.”

Um, yeah, Oprah, cuz God doesn’t want you to run, so why not close your cakehole, because I’m sure it’s filled with cake, and be quiet.

In What The Hell Was He Thinking News … last week Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner drank a glass of chocolate milk to demonstrate his belief in diversity:

“It’s really, really good. Diversity!”

It all happened because of Hyatt Hotels diversity and inclusion executive Tyronne Stoudemire, who appeared with Rauner at Chicago’s Thompson Center to discuss workplace diversity at a Black History Month event. Stoudemire, who is black, poured a glass of milk to represent the white men who lead most organizations:

“This chocolate syrup represents diversity.”

Stoudemire squirted chocolate syrup into the glass and it instantly sank to the bottom.

“When you look at most organizations, diversity sits at the bottom of the organization. You don’t get inclusion until you actually stir it up.”

Rauner then stirred the syrup into the milk, turning it brown, and he took a sip and pronounced it good.

Seriously.

I like Dianne Feinstein, one of the nation’s best-known and longest-serving politicians, but let’s face it, even she needs to go sometime. She is 84-years-old and has been serving as the senator from California since 1992.

This week at their state convention, did not endorse Feinstein for reelection. Fifty-four% of delegates endorsed Feinstein’s opponent, state senator Kevin de León, a Democrat from Los Angeles, while just 37% supported Feinstein.

Feinstein has done a wonderful job, but if she wins reelection she’ll be 91 at the end of the next term. Don’t we need some new blood in the Senate?

So, Delta decided to no longer offer discounts to NRA members and the Georgia GOP—the same GOP that begs folks not to politicize gun deaths—has blocked a lucrative tax break bill that would benefit Delta Air Lines because Delta chose to say No to the NRA.

Georgia Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle says he will not support tax legislation that help the airline “unless the company changes its position and fully reinstates its relationship with the NRA.”

Huh, extortion much?

Delta, which has been based in Atlanta for nearly 80 years, is the state’s largest private employer, with 33,000 workers statewide and $300 million in state and local tax revenue annually.

And, if Democrats elsewhere have it their way, that could all end …. see, after the Georgia GOP threatened Delta, Democrats in other states responded by publicly wooing Delta.

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam Tweeted: 

“Virginia is for lovers and airline hubs.”

Kathy Hochul, the lieutenant governor of New York also Tweeted: 

“You’re welcome here any time. Move HQ to where you’re appreciated?”

Birmingham Mayor Randall Woodfin Tweeted at Delta:

“Let’s Chat.”

Careful who you threaten Georgia.

Sorry, not sorry, but former drug company executive and asshat Martin Shkreli will be held responsible for $10.4 million in financial losses when he is sentenced for defrauding investors.

U.S. District Judge Kiyo Matsumoto rejected his argument that he did not cause any losses because his investors eventually came out ahead. The ruling could mean more prison time for Shkreli, since the amount of financial loss plays a major role in federal sentencing guidelines.

Again, sorry, not sorry.

In Hypocrisy news … Kentucky Kounty Clerk Kim Davis has written a book—and I didn’t think she could even read—called Under God’s Authority: The Kim Davis Story in which Kimmy details her personal experience from the moment Kentucky’s governor ordered the state’s county clerks to issue same-sex marriage licenses, throughout her arrest and release from jail.

Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee calls it “a great read!”

Bigoted Franklin Graham says, “in a culture that demeans people who obediently follow Jesus, Kim Davis drew on His strength as she experienced—and endured—persecution from the culture, the court, and the crowds, and survived to tell about it all in her compelling book Under God’s Authority.”

God says “The fuck you talkin’ bout Kim? How many sanctified marriages have you had and how many spouses did you cheat on? Siddown.”

So, my boss’ son also works with us, and, well, you know how I am … the other day at work he was showing a picture of his mother to a co-worker who remarked how young Mama looked.

Son said, “When I was in high school people thought she was my girlfriend.”

I said, “Well, that’s because you went to prom with your mom.”

Son said, “I didn’t go to prom with my mom!”

I said, “Oh yeah, that was Homecoming, you went to prom with your sister.”

And I’m still employed.

Republicans are worried that former state Senator Steve Montenegro will “pull a Roy Moore” and lose a reliably red Arizona congressional seat if he wins Tuesday’s special primary election. Montenegro is running for a seat vacated by GOP Congressman Trent Franks who announced he was resigning t after the House Ethics Committee began investigating accusations of sexual harassment against him; Franks offered a staffer $5 million to carry his baby.

But Montenegro, a married minister, admitted that he had exchanged in a sexting relationship with a junior state legislative staffer for months, including receiving nude photos from the woman. The woman says those exchanges followed conversations during which Montenegro “groomed” her for an affair.

Arizona? Say No Moore to Montenegro.

Okay … to be completely honest, while I am no fan of cheating GOP ministers, Montenegro is hot.

And a palate cleanser … staring with Marcc Rose, playing Tupac in Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G.. Then there’s the always adorable Chris Pine from Wonder Woman … yes, we just saw Wonder Woman. And lastly Lucien Laviscount, gosh, I love that name, it sounds like a vampire, who was the only good … shirtless … thing in a horror film called The Bye Bye Man.

Just sayin’.