PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 4: Someone Call 911!! It’s The Unconventional Challenge!!!

The designtestants gather in front of a firehouse and I’m all, “Hot Fireman Challenge”? “FlameWay?” “Hot Men?” Yeah, right to the gutter my mind goes. But this is no ordinary firehouse, it’s Engine Company 31, home to DCTV, the largest free arts training program for New York City youth.

Alyssa arrives by ambulance to, as Ken said, out-Beyoncés Beyoncé, and brings with her representatives from the Fire Department, the Police Department and the EMTs; I saw that police officer and said, to Carlos: “Cuff me, officer, I’ve been bad.

I told you my mind went right to the gutter; and so did Ken’s because right then he said, “I usually avoid the police, but he can handcuff me anytime he wants.”

I was hoping it’d be Hot Cops In Bikinis but it’s even better in many ways because, ladies and gentleladies, this is the Unconventional Challenge. And while the designtestants kvetch and moan — though they knew this was coming — Alyssa explains that they must create a high-end runway look using the materials from the fire, police and EMT services. They have just five minutes to grab whatever they can and one day to complete the challenge:

Let’s rip ….

THE SAFES

clockwise from top left

DOM Why this wasn’t in the top I do not know. Very cool. Very unconventional. I blame the hat.

EMILY Having never heard of Herve Leger — who is known for them — Emily makes a bandage dress which Zanna calls a mummy; she adds x-ray strips. It’s cool, and I love the belt, but it’s just safe.

KINI It’s what the wife of a Muppet looks like when she’s pregnant.

LAYANA She uses the blue gauze and Zanna worries that it’ll go Smurf. It went boring, instead.

MITCHELL Silver star badges and catheter tubes. There is nothing more to say.

THE BOTTOMS

ALEXANDER 

He seems like he’s shopping at Duane Reade, purusing the merchandise and filling his bags with gauze bandages of every color; I’m worried because gauze is a fabric and not all that unconventional, especially when, as Alexander does, he glues it to muslin to make a textile of … gauze which he’ll use to create surreal shapes …? He tells Zanna he’s thinking of adding a black glove that appears to “climb the dress” and Zanna throws him out a window … or tells him not to do it; either way.

WHAT HE SAID

It’s just a basic dress.

WHAT I SAID

In my best Bette Davis voice, dripping with sarcasm, “How unconventional.”

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the degradation of the colors but really felt it was a nothing dress. Isaac also liked the color but thought that it was too short. Guest Judge, stylist Johnny Wujek, said it needed to be amped up and loved the back more than the front. Alyssa did like the way the gauze looked like suede though that had nothing to do with Alexander … it was just the gauze.

ASHA

She also grabbed bandages — how unconventional is a bandage? — to create a pink bandage tribal print with a pill motif. Zanna takes one look at it and hauls it over to Valerie’s station to see that the two dresses are very similar. Asha is undeterred, though, except when it comes to a skirt which runs the gamut from a shiny silver warming cover to more pink bandages.

WHAT SHE SAID

She’s Black Barbie. I hope the judges appreciate all the detail.

WHAT I SAID

And by detail she means a couple of strips of gauze and x-rays and a few random pills that made it look like Lohan spilled a drink and then her pill box on the front of her dress.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac hated the slashed skirt and its length, while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called the skirt a throwaway … possibly literally; she added that it was average and apologetic. Johnny Wujek wanted more … more pills and more couture, and called it a nice club dress but Alyssa a bunch of random pills glued on top wasn’t innovative enough.

STELLA

She was kinda mean and grabby at the firehouse, shooing people away from her stash of all things “blue.” I didn’t realize blue was a fashion but she’s got all kinds of blue oxygen hoses and not a thought about what to make. So she goes sci-fi alien ribcage coat … or something.

Until Zanna comes by and reminds her this isn’t to be an art project, so Stella kills her coat and goes all kinds of safe with a bandage skirt and hospital gown top; the only unconventional part was taking x-rays and cutting them into skyscraper shapes and gluing them to the blouse. Still, it was all kinds of safe and not safe in a good way.

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m happy I put something on the model.

WHAT I SAID

Is the model happy? I like the skyline but it’s not new or unconventional.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves New York skyline and wished that had been the idea for the whole look, but Isaac and Johnny Wujek call it mall and “Forever 21.” When the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes the x-ray idea but hates the look as a whole, Stella throws Zanna under the bus by saying she had thrown out her original look. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ politely says she cannot judge what she cannot see, while Isaac is far more direct: “Forget about how un-chic this is, there’s nothing less chic than an excuse.”

THE TOPS

VALERIE 

She grabs gauze — in pink, of course — and a boat-load of cotton swabs. I remember someone on an earlier PR used popsicle sticks to make a cool corset and I’m hoping she’ll do the same, but, alas, Valerie is making a chevron pattern she calls fringe by sewing the swabs together. Zanna says it might be a bit too crafty and a little not fashion.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s fantastic. Nothing’s breaking.

WHAT I SAID

I like it. It’s cute. But it’s not transformative and needed many more swabs to make it better.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Johnny Wujek says it’s cute, and loves the cotton swab fringe, but he hated the belt until Valerie revealed that it was a stethoscope. Isaac loved the cotton swabs, too, and called the look flattering but the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it wasn’t really unconventional, though it was lovely, and Alyssa wanted more cotton swabs.

KEN 

Does he tire easily or what? About a minute into the five-minute grab he’s breathing hard and saying he wants to rest. But that might be because he filled his bag with heavy fire hoses and there’s nary a hot cop around to help him.

In the workroom he sees Sam working with fire hoses, too, so Ken cuts his open to reveal the insides which look like black patent leather; he’ll use those to make what he tells Zanna is a straitjacket dress. Zanna thinks he’s onto something, though I wonder: after Ken’s season on the PR and his breakdown, maybe his straitjacket dress is an omen?

WHAT HE SAID

I hope the judges notice that I top-stitched that skirt.

WHAT I SAID

Very cool, very edgy, and I love the underside of the skirt where you see the printed hoses.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said the length was fresh and that his favorite part was that “it looks like she’s wearing white crinolines with a black dress…nothing more naughty and chic than that in this world.” Johnny Wujek thought it was fantastic, and loved the concept, and if the boob dents weren’t there he’s put it on a client. He’d also like to see an entire collection of this style. Alyssa was bothered by the neck-piece, but that was all while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the back and the lines but hated the dented boob area.

SAM

He has fire hoses and gauze and hospital gown, oh my. And he’s set to make a jacket and a pencil skirt, but scraps that idea for a hose coat, though it might be sleeveless if he runs out of time; he does not which Zanna liked because she really wanted sleeves. In fact, he has the time to make quick bandage dress for the model to wear under the coat. Smart, lucky, move.

WHAT HE SAID

Ain’t nobody gonna tell me that that jacket is not fabulous.

WHAT I SAID

I will. The sleeves seem like an afterthought and it looks like the model can’t even move her arms. And it looks like a box.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it original and quirky and restrained and said it reminded her of London couture — funny, because Sam hates couture. Johnny Wujek called it Hunger Games meets Paris couture, while Isaac called the coat boxy and ill-fitting until Sam smartly opened it up and showed the dress beneath; Isaac instantly liked it better … and so did I. Alyssa was once again impressed with Sam’s designs and said she liked his little “flirty” gestures. That was when Sam started to get flirty with Johnny Wujek — “I keep fixing my hair for you” — and I got a little … a lot … sick to my stomach.

Well, it was clear when Stella wanted to make an alien ribcage coat that she was going home, and if it wasn’t clear then, it was when she scrapped the coat halfway through and started over. Bye Stella.

It was also clear Valerie would not win, so it was down to Sam and Ken; impeccable black dress with boob dents or boxy coat with odd sleeves?

Boxy coat and odd sleeves; Sam gets another win.

I was watching the models try on some crazy, and some ugly, clothes and I wondered what they’re really thinking during the fittings besides, you know how hungry they are …

And Stella! She wears such crazy things herself — spikes on her sleeve during her confessionals! If she’d taken her own sense of style to this challenge and created something she would wear, she might have won.

Sam kinda reminds me of the gay kid in that new show The Real O’Neal’s, only not as funny. And when he was getting flirty with Johnny I was kinda grossed out by it, though not as much as Alexander, who, in previews for coming weeks seems to suggest Sam won because he flirts. Sam annoys me — I’m still shuddering at that awkward backwards flirt gesture thing — but I don’t think he won because he flirts. He probably gets laid because he flirts.

That said: Ken should have won.

Kini is still pissed at Sam for taking credit for his work last week, so it’s Kini snarking non-stop about Sam at every turn. I didn’t necessarily mind it, but I knew that with all the shade he was throwing Sam would end up on top.

LINE OF THE NIGHT

Mitchell, seeing Valerie’s use of the cotton swabs: 

“Val’s using her cotton swabs in a way that’s boring and basic … maybe she should have used them to clean out her ears so she can listen to what the challenge is.”

What did YOU think?

PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 3: ♫♪ We Go Together … ♪♫ Like Oil and Water

As happens when we have an even number of designers, this week will be another team, er, duo challenge; and no one is happy about except for Sam who might get his wish to have Mitchell killed … or sent home.

Alyssa meets the designtestants on the runway, along with Little Big Town, a country band made up of Karen Fairchild, Kimberly Schlapman, Jimi Westbrook, and Phillip Sweet. 

Is it a couples challenge? Nope; the fellas are swiftly whisked away because, really, they have no need to be present and we learn that the challenge will be to make two opposite but complementary red carpet looks that the country gals will wear to the Academy of Country Music Awards.

The designers have $600 and one day and, as last week’s winner, Sam gets to pick his partner, and then pair up the remaining designers into teams of two. He picks Kini because Kini can sew; he pairs Asha with Alexander, Layana with Emily, Ken with Dom, Valerie with Stella, and, lastly, Mitchell with Daniel.

Let’s rip …

THE SAFES

KEN and DOM

Ken thinks his look is the winner, and I think it’s a belabored t-shirt over Capri culottes.

Dom calls he dress chic and red carpet, while I see it more as chic and high tea, no shade.

LAYANA and EMILY

Layana says this isn’t her best work, and I agree, though I think the model makes a lovely bridesmaid.

Emily, on the other hand, hates her pants but loves her vest, while I cannot help but think the vest is saying, “Welcome to the Home Depot Paint center, how can I help you?”

THE BOTTOMS

STELLA and VALERIE

They opt for Naughty and Nice, with Stella going naughty, naturally, and Valeria being nice. But, I must say, I get annoyed when Stella seems bothered by people saying she’s got the bitch aesthetic, tough girl vibe, because that’s how she acts and that’s how she designs. And that’s how she picked a fabric for this week, choosing vinyl — which she’s never worked with before and I say “Why now?” — over leather.

Zanna worries about their two looks, and Stella worries that Valerie won’t shut up; and again, when Zanna says Stella’s look might not be the best, Stella snaps, “Oh yes it is.”

And then she chooses to be really nasty when, while running out of time, she asks Valerie to make a belt for her and then bitches about how Valerie made the belt. I like Stella, and I’m not so fond of Valerie — remembering her Mean Girl Days towards Michael on her season — but I’m getting annoyed by Stella’s bitchy attitude.

WHAT THEY SAID

Stella: I love the shape of [the top] but it might be a little open.

Valerie: My model is wearing the hell outta that jumpsuit!

WHAT I SAID

That slit is so high on Stella’s look that I think I see Alaska from it, and the lack on lining on the inside is cheap-looking.

Valerie’s look is cute and pretty and very garden party, but not what I’d call red carpet.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Stella: Isaac liked the look, even the high slit but called the fabric a garbage bag and was pissed off about the lack of a lining. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called the slit a disaster while Kimberly Schlapman liked the bustier and the booty. Alyssa called it right, saying the fabric looked like a tarp.

Valerie: The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes it, though she agrees with me that it isn’t red carpet ready; she describes the lace flaps on the front, with the string-tie, as looking a little “butcher’s apron.” Isaac liked the lace details at the top and the design of the back, but hated the waist flaps. Karen Fairchild agreed that the petals would make her look hippy, while Alyssa liked the petals, especially after Valerie turned them around the face the back.

MITCHELL and DANIEL

It’s clear Sam put these two together to get rid of Mitchell, though I’m sure he’d be pleased to see Daniel go, too.

These boys dubbed themselves Team Pleasure and Pain — and they are painful to watch, which is my pleasure — go all wrong from the outset with Daniel trying to mentor Mitchell and Mitchell running from the room to whine to Auntie Stella.

STELLA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!

Mitchell created a long, drape-y pink dress with feathers glued to the top, while Daniel went bondage and underwear and under-boob. Zanna said Daniel’s look was tacky and Mitchell needed to edit his look way down … like back to the drawing board, I’m thinking.

WHAT THEY SAID

Mitchell: It looks stellar on her.

Daniel: This is an edgy, punchy look.

WHAT I SAID

Last week, in a comment about the show, jawhite21 said, “Mitchell's designs always look like the aftermath of a dress.” That’s all; I concur.

I think that if Daniel created that dress for a real client, she might punch him and push him off the edge of a cliff.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Mitchell: Kimberly Schlapman loved the color, and the dreaminess of it, but called it an unfinished craft project. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was, again, a great idea badly executed and demanded that if Mitchell stays he needs to, “GIVE US A DRESS!!!” Isaac loved the feathery top, but hated the droopy draping and the sad lining, while Karen Fairchild said there was no execution to Mitchell’s look. I think, actually, she was calling for Mitchell’s execution.

Daniel: Isaac loves skin, but said this was too much skin, and bordered on objectification; he called Daniel “clueless.” Karen Fairchild likes edgy, but not glimpse-of-boob-edgy, while Kimberly Schlapman said it was “disrespectful.” The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ liked the top, but felt that the bottom should have been fully lined to give it more glamour.

THE TOPS

SAM and KINI

Since Sam is from Boston and Kini from Hawaii, their opposites theme is east and West, Boston and Hawaii, Bitch and Beach — Sam being the Bitch, naturally.

Kini will go couture gown with a flowing cape attachment while Sam will be doing yet another jumpsuit idea because he does not do couture, which comes into play later when he runs out of time, and Kini comes to the rescue with finishings and aligning the pattern and creating an entirely new, couture top for Sam’s look; basically, Sam made pants.

Zanna simply says the two looks don’t go together because Sam’s is modern and Kini’s is 90s.

WHAT THEY SAID

Sam: It’s awesome. That look is great.

Kini: I love the way the chiffon moves away from the under-dress.

WHAT I SAID

Sam’s look is great … because it’s Kini’s. The pants are just pants without that top.

On the other hand, Kini’s look is kind of dated and reminds me of Missus Roper Takes A Cruise.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Sam: Isaac loves both looks, but doesn’t get the opposites vibe at all. Alyssa says Sam’s look is not really red carpet but that it is one of the best she’s ever seen and Sam comes clean about how much of it is Kini’s … I kid; Sam beams and acts like the look is 100% his design and creation … rhymes with witch. Kimberly Schlapman loved the business bottom and drama top, and Karen Fairchild loved Sam’s Kini’s top and Sam’s Kini’s tailored pants. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ did not care for the checkered pant, however, though she did like, again, Kini’s top.

Kini: Isaac loved Kini’s dress in motion, but said it fell flat, and fat, when standing still. Kimberly Schlapman echoed that sentiment while Karen Fairchild just liked the color. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ hated the print, but thought it walked well, and kinda liked the idea.

ASHA and ALEXANDER

These two are keeping it simple in theme, going for light and dark, with Asha creating a light and sexy short dress, and Alexander bringing the drama with his flowing tulle and floral silk number; they are also keeping it simple in the drama department … no fights at all. Zanna likes their looks, but worries that the fabric choices won’t photograph well.

Asha and Alexander just smile, and then go have tea and cucumber sandwiches because that’s what ladies do as friends.

WHAT THEY SAID

Asha: I love the way it looks, light and effortless.

Alexander: It has depth. It has character.

WHAT I SAID

Asha styled her girl to look exactly like Kimberly Schlapman and so you can see this look on her … and it works.

There is a slight hint of side boob in Alexander’s dress, but it flows and moves and has drama, so it is red carpet ready.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Asha: Isaac thinks Asha and Alexander completely fulfilled the challenge with their two opposite looks. He loves Asha’s light, short, fancy dress, but wasn’t keen on the waist slit that was sloppily sewn. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the subtle sparkle to the dress, as did Alyssa. Karen Fairchild called it flirty while Kimberly loved that the two looks are so great side-by-side.

Alexander: Isaac loved the iridescence of the dress, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the floral print, and the black-and-blue color palette; she did think there was too much tulle in the caboose though. Kimberly Schlapman loved the draping and the femininity of the dress while Karen Fairchild liked the subtle sexy bits of skin that showed.

Sam and Kini take the second spot, giving Asha and Alexander the win. In the final decision, though, Asha takes the top spot and I have to think it’s not just because her looks was fun and flirty but because of the styling on her Kimberly Schlapman look-alike model.

Valerie and Stella are safe, clearly because Valerie made a beautiful look that saved Stella’s garbage dress from the Auf’d heap.

It comes down to Mitchell and Daniel and, in the end, Mitchell gets saved because he has ideas and Daniel has, well, none.

Daniel’s shock at being cut was hilarious; he really thought that dress would keep him there because every woman wants to walk a red carpet in their panties and with their boobs slipping out of the top.

And I loved when he said, “You haven’t seen the last of Daniel Franco.”

I think he’s said that same thing every time he’s been Auf’d from every PR he’s been on. If he’s lucky, maybe Lifetime will do Project runway: Utter Losers Try Again and he will be back.

Sam. I want to like him, but he’s sneaky and bitchy and, well, he takes credit for work that isn’t his own. I so wanted Kini to smack him when Sam bragged backstage about how much Alyssa loved his look when everyone … everyone … knows that a great deal of that look was all Kini.

Still, I did giggle a bit when Sam explained why he paired the people he paired together, saying he had the personalities of the designers in mind and picked opposites on purpose …except for Mitchell and Daniel; Sam couldn’t help but Evil Grin when was called out for that team. I get that this is a competition, but I also like when people compete by designing something great and not creating hopes for sabotage.

And I liked when Kini said, of Sam’s rationale:

“That’s a good excuse you came up with, really fast.”

And I loved the look on Sam’s face when Mitchell says he’s safe; price.less. Speaking of Mitchell, the scolding by Isaac when he was saved “by a hair.” Yeah, Mitchell is probably going soon.

LINE OF THE NIGHT:

Daniel, upon being paired with Mitchell: “It’s not the worst pairing.”

I thought, “Nope, it’s a pairing of the worst.”

Stella. Stop being so angry every time someone calls your looks dark and mean; they are. Leather and spikes and black and severe; that’s Stella. Own it.

What did YOU think?