Ain't That America XL

The war in Iran ended this week … and then started up again … and then it was over and then it wasn’t over … and the Strait of Hormuz opened and closed and opened and closed and then opened and closed again … a Slovenian Hooker, married to the most divisive hate-filled pig on Earth, took to the media to whine about a comedian making a joke of her … Oh Melanie, but ya’are a joke, ya’are … the GOP is suddenly all on board for the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and suddenly want We The People to pay for that … and the war … and the tariffs and higher gas and higher food prices and less healthcare and childcare … boy, it’s costs us a buttload of money to Make America Great Again, don’t it?

According to Nationalist Christian, AKA Nat-C, Little Mike Johnson, the Secret Service needs to “tighten up” and rethink their security protocols after an ALLEGED assassin stormed a security checkpoint at the recent White House Correspondents’ dinner.

Funny, there was a photo of Little Mike scurrying from the event surrounded by Secret Service.

God sees you lying, Mike, and She’s not happy.

 

In no way to make the shooting seem like another staged event Cankles’ DOJ is not talking about guns and gunmen but is using the ALLEGED assassination attempt to justify building the $400 million Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and demanding that preservationists drop their lawsuit over the building.

If a ballroom stopped gunmen wouldn’t every school in the country already have one?

Cankles says he views his repeated brushes with violence as a sign of his historic significance:

“I’ve studied assassinations, and I must tell you, the most impactful people, the people that do the most … they’re the ones that they go after and I hate to say I’m honored by that, but I’ve done a lot.”

He said he’s studied??? The man falls asleep and shits his pants during Cabinet meetings.

 

Texas GOP Representative and MAGAt Chip Roy is furious :::: foot stomp neck snap :::: that children in Texas took a poll and were asked what language was spoken in their homes and Spanish was Number 1  … English came in fourth.

Roy, for the record, was raised by a French-speaking mother and learned Spanish at an early age.

 

Former Fox News himbo and current Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy says that Spirit Airlines suddenly shut down all business over the weekend because of … wait for it, it’s hilarious … Joe Biden:

“There was a proposed merger between JetBlue and Spirit, and Joe Biden and Pete Buttigieg, along with the Biden DOJ, decided that they did not want that merger to take place.”

But Sean, please to explain the fact that Spirit Airlines said they closed their doors because the war in Iran raised the cost of jet fuel so high that they could no longer afford to fly.

 

DINO, Democrat in Name Only, John Fetterman, is again joining hands with the GOP, this time to demand the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ be built to protect the president from ALLEGED assassination attempts at future White House Correspondents’ Dinners.

Trouble is, Fetterman, the Correspondents’ Dinner is a private event that would not be held on federal property even if there was a ridiculous gold-plated ballroom existed.

 

Cankles was captured falling down to the ground as Secret Service agents ushered him away from the dais after that ALLEGED assassination attempt, but now Cankles says he went down at the urging of Secret Service agents, not because he fell.

“I started walking, and they said, ‘Please go down, please go down on the floor.’”

He also told this story:

“[I started to walk out] a little bent over but the agents said, ‘please go down to the floor, please go down to the floor.”

Funny, cuz Melanie didn’t go to the floor because she wasn’t being paid to lay down on the floor.

 

Cankles wants to rename the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE] as the National Immigration and Customs Enforcement AKA NICE.

But to be fair, the name ICEstapo works better for the agency that kills Americans in the street and in detention centers.

 

This Just In From The Slovenian Hooker …

“Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy—his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate.”

Odd coming from the woman whose husband celebrated the death of Robert Mueller, and laughed at the murders of Rob and Michele Reiner … the man who said nothing about his own party making jokes about Minnesota Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark, being murdered in their home … the man whose own family joked about the attempted murder of Nancy Pelosi’s husband, Paul … the man who said he wouldn’t care if Joe Biden died …

So, Melanie, shut your fucking mouth and clean up your own house before you play the victim … AGAIN.

 

Both GOP Senator and cult member Mike Lee, and Cankles’ lapdog Pee Wee German’s wife Katie Miller sent out Tweets after the ALLEGED assassination attempt slamming the New York Times for not covering the story. Luckily, Keith Olbermann was there to explain how time works:

“Children: you’re looking at the early editions printed last night at 8 PM. Maybe if you could find an adult … she could explain to you how to tell time.”

The image of the print version of the New York Times shared by Miller and Lee went to press at 8PM and the ALLEGED assassination attempt had not yet happened. On Sunday morning the NYT had the full story on the front page.

Cankles’ shared a series of posts on X including an AI-generated image depicting himself and top officials in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

Clearly, the Cankles in the photo was using AI-generated Ozempic.

 

After that ALLEGED assassin traveled cross-country via Amtrak to stage an ALLEGED assassination attempt, Amtrak announced they are considering allowing people to store guns in lockboxes on most of its trains. Amtrak says they’ve been considering the policy change since early this year, after being pressured by Cankles’ Regime to ease restrictions on transporting weapons and …

Wait, the Cankles Regime asked Amtrak to ease restrictions on transporting weapons just a few months before an ALLEGED assassin used Amtrak to travel cross-country with guns to stage a shooting?

Seriously, you cannot make this shiz up.

Cankles said he’d wear a bulletproof vest in the future in the aftermath of an ALLEGED  third assassination attempt but says it might make him look fat.

Fatter. Fatter. Thought the extra padding around the gut might take some of the glare off the extra thick Depends on the ass.

 

60 Minutes correspondent Norah O’Donnell caught Cankles in a revealing moment while asking about the manifesto of the ALLEGED assassin who stormed the White House Correspondents’ dinner saying that Cole Thomas Allen wrote, “I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.” O’Donnell asked Cankles his reaction, to which he shrieked:

“Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would, because you’re horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I’m not a rapist. I didn’t rape anybody.”

That’s when O’Donnell asked:

“Oh, you think—do you think he was referring to you?”

Aaaaaaaand scene!

As the Iran war has pushed the global economy into an oil crisis and gas prices reach a four-year high—I know y’all may have higher prices but a few months ago gas was $2.50 a gallon and now it’s $3.99—Americans’ ratings of the Cankles Regime on several issues are deeply underwater.

Roughly 76%  disapprove of his handling of the cost of living, while 72% disapprove of how he’s handling inflation. Seven in ten Americans think he’s dishonest—where are the 3 in 10 living—while 60% say he does not have the mental sharpness to serve as president.

Best of all, among registered voters, 49% say that they would vote for the Democratic candidate if midterms were held today and 44% say they would vote for the Republican.

Keep all of this in mind and remember:

Ain't That America XXXIX

Another week and the four week war is in its eighth week … the president and his Cabinet cannot do basic math … there was another ALLEGED attempt on his life ... Miss Lindsey is crying in her vodka … And a bit of good news too …

A man was shot at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Saturday night while a Secret Service agent took the bullet in his vest but survived. Cankles was rushed off stage but within an hour he was saying that the shooting proves the need for the ballroom and justifies his war.

The man who survived an ALLEGED actual attempt on his life before, who said political violence was "destroying America" after Charlie Kirk was shot, whose Justice Department charged the Southern Poverty Law Center with fraud last week, who has been escalating his rhetoric against journalists and Democrats and judges every single day for months, used a shooting at a press dinner as a marketing pitch for his ballroom and his war.

That sounds about Cankles and all of that makes the entire thing seem suspect; again.

 

Throughout US during Cankles Con Artist Regime stock traders have been betting millions of dollars just before he makes major announcements.

Insider trading and the GOP-led Congress does nothing. They are just as complicit and need to be removed.

Acting Attorney ​General Todd Blanche  says the US government should add firing squads, electrocution and gas asphyxiation as methods of ​executing people convicted of the gravest federal crimes.

Careful what you wish for Todd, because soon enough many in the regime might be facing those very same methods.

That is a photo of Cankles with members of the University of Georgia’s championship-winning women’s tennis team.

Just so you know, those are all men in the front row and this picture proves how the regime feels about women.

Newly seated GOP Rep. Clay Fuller:

“So I had to stay in a hotel in Maryland for work and I wake up and it is blazing hot in my room. So the AC’s out. So I go to the front desk and I was like, ‘Hey, sir, the AC’s out. Can you send anybody down to my room to help fix it?’ He said, ‘Well, it’s not that it’s broken. You have to understand that there’s an AOC, Green New Deal thing, where if you’re not moving in your room, the AC just basically shuts off on its own.’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m asleep, I’m obviously not moving.’ And he said, ‘Don’t worry, there this VIP setting and we can override and the AC will stay on.’  And I said, ‘I don’t understand, it should already be in VIP mode because I’m from Georgia.’ And he said, ‘I don’t understand.’ I said, ‘Well, Georgia is named after George Washington,’ who quite literally invented freedom. It’s the birthplace of Ronald Acuna Jr.  … And he said, ‘Well, I’m immediately switching it to VIP mode.'”

Fuller’s stupidity was instantly fact-checked to prove that Georgia was not named for George Washington and that Atlanta Braves star Ronald Acuna was born in Venezuela.  

Health Secretary, Racoon Dick Saver and Heroin Addict  Robert F. Kennedy Jr. defended Cankles frequent incorrect calculations of percentages when talking about discounts on prescription drug prices, arguing that the president “has a different way of calculating” saying:

“If you have a $600 drug, and you reduce it to $10, that’s a 600% reduction.”

Seriously, math is hard if not downright impossible for the regime. A price discount cannot be more than 100% because that would lower the price to zero—or suggest that the company was giving you money for buying the product.

Cankles says that he would have led the US to victory in the Vietnam War within weeks.

Funny, though, that a five-time draft dodger who begged his daddy to have a doctor declare that his bone spurs made it impossible for him to go to Vietnam thinks he could have stopped the war.

He can’t even end the war in Iran quickly though he claims every week that the war is over until he relaizes it’s not.

Energy Secretary Chris Wright floundered this week when cornered on his shifting claims about rising gas prices amid the war with Iran. Wright was reminded by CNN host Jake Tapper that just six weeks ago he had predicted prices would drop below $3 a gallon within weeks—not months and now, when asked again when Americans could realistically expect those lower prices prices Wright said:

“Uh, I don‘t know.”

Perfect man for the job. Eh?

Miss Lindsey took to the airwaves this week begging for money because the Democrats are outspending him:

“We’re in a fight for the heart and soul of this country. I’m in a fight. I need your help. I hate to say this, but I’ve been outraised twice by Democrats … The Democrats have money. I don’t know where they’re getting all this money, but I need your help … Please help me if you can.”

Um, ma’am? The Democrats have money because right now a slim majority of South Carolinians want your ass out of Congress. M’kay? Better?

The Cankles regime rolled out the welcome mat for the upcoming visit of King Charles III . Sadly, though, they displayed the flags of Australia instead of the Union Jack though to be fair Charles is also Australia’s head of state.

Fair, but not diplomatically ideal.

A federal appeals court ruled that Cankles’ declaration of an “invasion” at the US-Mexico border was illegal, effectively clearing the way to reopen the United States to migrants seeking asylum. It was not clear when asylum processing would resume, and the regime is likely to appeal the decision but it’s a step and smack in the face for Cankles.

Cankles approval rating has sunk to a new low as Americans express growing concerns about rising costs and the war with Iran.

Just 37% of adults approve of Cankles’ performance as president, while 63% disapprove—including 50% who disapprove strongly—putting his job rating at the lowest point of his second term.

Seriously.

Speculation ramped up this week over which ranking administration official would go next and the money is one DUI hire Kash Patel.

Sorry not sorry.

At the start of the 2026 election cycle, the Senate looked far out of reach for the Democrats though the House always seemed competitive; retaking the Senate would require flipping at least four Republican-held seats—including at least two seats in states Cankles won by double digits in 2024.

In today’s polarized era, Democrats would need everything to break their way and so far everything is breaking the Democrats’ way.

All the more reason to vote; we can stop all this bull shit with Democrats in charge of the Senate and the House.

Get out there and:

That Ain't America: Renee Nicole Good is Dead

Renee Nicole Good, the 37-year-old mother of three who had just moved to Minneapolis, was a prize-winning poet and a hobby guitarist, who city leaders have said was there as a legal observer of ICE activities.

But the Fascist Regime called her a "domestic terrorist” and cosplaying, inept Homeland Security Secretary Kristi “DogKiller” Noem calls the shooting justified because the officer who killed Rennee, Jonathan Ross, was in fear for his life. Add to the mix both Vice President Couchfucker and White House Minister of Propaganda, KKKarolying Leavitt, who each posted the video of the killing to their social media, and claimed Ross was justified in killing Good.

What actually happened …

Her wife, Rebecca Good, with whom she moved to Minneapolis just last year, said:

"On Wednesday, January 7th, we stopped to support our neighbors. We had whistles. They had guns."

They had guns; this band of mostly untrained, uneducated, formerly unemployed, wannabe police officers who were paid handsomely to join Ice, had guns.

Several state leaders have said that Good was at the scene of an ICE raid in the south of Minneapolis as a legal observer to monitor police and security forces at protests and operations. Renne’s mother says her daughter was "not part of anything" that involved challenging ICE agents. Still, Regime officials, including the racist, rapist, fascist president, claim Renee was interfering in the officers' work by "blocking them in" with her car and "shouting at them".

Who to believe; the people who knew Renee, or the man in the Oval office who literally lies every time his mouth moves and his hand puppet, a dog killing, now citizen killing, Neo-Nazi?

I choose Renee, and here’s why …

The Regime says Renee "weaponized her vehicle" and then tried to run over one of the officers "in an attempt to kill or cause bodily harm to agents, an act of domestic terrorism" but cellphone video, one of which came from Jonathan Ross, the shooter,  and eyewitness accounts tells a different story.

Ross’ video begins with him getting out of his car and approaching Good’s SUV from the passenger side; there’s a black dog in the rear seat looking at Ross through an open window as the ICE officer walks around the front of the car to face Good who says to him:

“That’s fine, dude, I’m not mad at you.”

At the same time, Ross is approached by a woman who later identified herself as Good’s wife, Rebecca. Ross walks around to film the SUV’s rear license plate, then to Rebecca, filming Ross now. who says:

“That’s OK, we don’t change our plates every morning. Just so you know, it’ll be the same plate when you come talk to us later … You want to come at us? You want to come at us? I say go get yourself some lunch, Big Boy. Go ahead.”

At this point, Ross has moved to face the passenger side of the SUV again and is making his way around to the front. It seems like the situation was under control, until another couple of ICE agents, untrained and armed, approach the vehicle and shout:

“Get out of the car. Get out of the f-----g car. Get out of the car.”

Rebecca gets into the front seat and apparently tells her wife “drive.” Ross is now facing the front of the vehicle  and Renee reverses slightly, then accelerates forward. Ross, holding his phone and filming, then fires multiple shots into Renee’s as it passed him.

He was holding both a phone and a gun, standing to the side of the vehicle as Renee Nicole Good tried to drive past him when he killed her. There are those who say Renee’s car may have struck Ross, run over his foot, but video after the murder shows him walking completely fine.

There was no threat, there was no imminent danger, there was no threat … except from Jonathan Ross who shot Renee three times in the face as she drove by him.

This Ain’t America. At least not the America I know; we aren’t perfect, goddess knows we do all kinds of terrible things, but when you fire up hatred against brown people who speak differently, when you send marauding, untrained, unfit, masked men with guns into the streets to round up anyone they assume to be undocumented, the worst will happen.

And it did last week … to Renee Nicole Good.

Say her name; do not let her murder be in vain. Demand an investigation; demand accountability from Noem who advertised for ICE agents, paid them bonuses to join, did no background checks, no educational checks; she handed them weapons and masks and sent them into our streets.

Say her name; cast a vote; end this regime of terror and murder.

Meme Dump

The Funny Papers

Marc Murphy, Jesse Duquette, Matt Davies, RJ Matson, Max Espinoza, Michael de Adder, Lalo Alcaraz, Gary Huck, Daniel Boris

Meme Dump