It's Snarkurday!

Remember when Canadian Prime Minister, and Certified Hottie™, Justin Trudeau visited the White House after Hair Furor waddled into office? And remember that photo of Complicit _____—Complicit is a loose translation of Ivanka—looking longingly at Justin? It’s clear Complicit would kick Jared to the curb if Justin would only ...

And she might get her chance because last week Justin Trudeau and Complicit enjoyed a night out together on Broadway. The pair arrived at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theater, in the same motorcade, though in separate vehicles, to watch a performance of Come From Away, a Canadian musical about how a small Newfoundland town aided stranded airline passengers after the 9/11 attacks.

Complicit—who doesn’t have an official position in the White House because no one ever thought to make Daughter I’d Bang If we Weren’t Related a cabinet position—sat right between South Carolina’s own Nikki Haley, ambassador to the UN, and Justin. Now, I'm guessing Jared was SRO ... or SOL, and, sadly for Complicit, Justin brought along his wife, Sophie Grégoire Trudeau.

To be fair, this is the kind of event Michelle Obama might have attended but you can imagine Complicit’s face lighting up with the news that Justin was in New York and wanted to go to Broadway. But why not let the real First Lady, Melania, go to the play. I mean, she’s already in New York and Complicit had to fly up after getting a sitter for the kids and locking Jared in a  closet.

Right?

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Speaking of remembering ... remember when Sandra Bullock dumped husband Jesse James? And remember how she instantly stopped speaking of him ever again? Well, someone should’a told that to Jesse because, seven years after the split, he’s still talking about his failed marriage and the loss of their son Louis.

James was plugging his new gun-making business, Jesse James Firearms Unlimited, and his NRA clothing line—seriously, Sandra, you dodged a huge bullet kicking that one to the curb—and began talking about Sandra because, well, if he didn’t dish Bullock people would be all, “and you are ...?”

James, now married to billionaire shampoo and tequila heiress Alexis DeJoria, says he has “no regrets” about his marriage to Sandra Bullock, and also doesn’t regret being a lying cheating adulterer:

“Yeah, I did cheat on my wife, yeah, I stood up and took accountability for it and apologized. And that’s end of story. Everything else was just [shakes his head]. The easy [put down] is like, oh well you cheated on Sandra Bullock. That’s the world’s easiest comeback. In general, both women and men cheat. It’s part of life.”

Only for douchebags, Jesse.

And then he adds that a lot of good came out of his divorce because it helped him to focus on being a better dad to his kids and give them a better life away from LA—he moved to Austin in 2010 where, coincidentally, Bullock has a home though he swears he doesn’t see her ... stalker.

Isn’t it funny that he married Bullock, cheated on her and seems to brag about it? I betcha his new wife is thrilled about how much he talks about his ex and how much he thinks that cheating is just what some folks do.

Again, it’s douchebags, Jesse. Douchebags.

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Continuing with the remembering theme ... remember when people said Pippa Middleton’s ass upstaged Duchess Kate [Middleton] and Prince William on their royal wedding day?

Paybacks are a bitch, Pippa. See, now Pippa is marrying James Matthews and she doesn’t want Prince Hot Ginger AKA Harry to bring his new girlfriend, American actress Meghan Markle, to the wedding because then she’ll be upstaged.

See, Meghan was Prince Hot Ginger’s plus one at the wedding of his friend, Lara Hughes-Young, and the paparazzi were all over the new couple and Pippa’s afraid that will happen again. Now, that doesn’t mean she sent Harry an invitation that said, “Due to seating restrictions, no Plus Ones will be allowed” but she may employ that age-old No Ring, No Bring, mentality ... meaning unless Harry and Meghan are engaged or married, Meghan needs to stay home.

A source—and it’s a royal source—says:

“[Pippa] saw how all eyes were on Meghan rather than Lara last week. The situation was also stressful for Harry. Pippa and her mother Carole wonder whether Meghan’s presence could cause a great deal of unnecessary chaos.”

Chaos. Jealousy. Either way, Pippa knows all about taking focus from the bride because she did it to her sister who married the future King of England.

Have a seat Pippa.

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Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow was the advocate for steam cleaning your vagina? And remember when actual doctors warned against blowing hot air into your cooch? Then GOOP talked about sticking an egg up in there and again medical professionals said, “Uh, that’s a no.”

Well, no matter who says what about what GOOP does to her lady-parts, she does not care for them, or for you.

Paltrow gave an interview to Women’s Health about her new brand of vitamins and, as happens with Paltrow, she began whining about the peasants who are too simple-minded to understand that she can see the future and the future is Stanley Steaming your vagina and using it to raise baby chicks:

“When you’re at the forefront of something that’s new, people can get really reactive: ‘This is crazy! Why are you doing this?’ Then, five years later, everyone’s fine with it. ... Also, when someone doesn’t like something you do, or doesn’t share your interest in something, that doesn’t have anything to do with you. One of the best things someone ever said to me was that the only time criticism hurts is if you have a judgment about yourself about that very thing. If someone’s like, ‘You dick, you have red hair!’ and you’ve got brown hair, it doesn’t bother you. It’s a blessing to be liberated from the chains of other people’s perceptions of you. It’s part of wellness, working at that. I’ve gotten to a point where I like myself. I do my best as a person. I also have nothing to hide.”

Lord, this woman is so full of herself. It’s part of her wellness that she doesn’t listen to anyone who disagrees with her, including, again, medical professionals.

Can’t she stop with the vagina monologues and get back to acting and having Harvey Weinstein buy her another Oscar?

What? You believe she deserved the award for Shakespeare in Love?

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So JLo and Drake’s real love is over ... because their collaboration is over and so no need to seek attention, and so JLo has moved on to A-Rod.

A-Rod was dating 23andMe CEO Anne Wojcicki until recently and JLo was already packing Drake’s backpack and sending him home so ... JLo and A-Rod are the new It Couple of the Second. But there are some who say that, while JLo ALLEGEDLY dumped Drake because he schtupped a porn star in Amsterdam, that wasn’t until late January and JLo has been spotted with A-rod for a couple of months now.

So, does that mean JLo was doing the two dudes at the same time ... though not in the same place though, if that were true I would not be surprised.

All of that leads me to believe that JLo and A-rod's new couple name should be A-Hole.

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So ... cat fight. And when one of the cats is Naomi Campbell ... duck! ... and the other is Rihanna, look out.

Naomi was on Watch What Happens Live last week and a viewer Tweeted in that she’d noticed Campbell and Rihanna had unfollowed each other on Instagram ... the first sign of Feud is the Unfollow!

As Andy Cohen read the question, Naomi real still and tense and then said:

“Everything’s fine. Of course it’s fine.”

And then she added:

“I’m an actress now, Andy.”

And a good one, too, apparently.

Sidenote: also on that WHHL was Superstar RuPaul who told a story about performing at Aretha Franklin’s birthday back party in 1995 and when he received a check for his payment, Ree Ree had made out to “Ruth Paul.”

The Queen of Soul!

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Now, speaking of RuPaul and ending on a positive note ... Ru was a guest on Hollywood Today, and hosts Ross Matthews—god I loathe him—and Ali Landry—god I have no idea who she is—brought up his partner of 23 years, Georges LeBar.

While Ru mostly lives and works in L.A., LeBar is a cowboy who mostly lives and works on his ranch in Wyoming, but they make it work—The Cowboy and The Drag Queen, a Very Lifetime Movie!

I said it first! Anyway, Matthews asked when Ru and George were going to get married and Ru ruplied:

“You know, I don’t think I’ve said… I’ve never said this on television before, we are married.”

Yup, RuPaul is a happily married man, having wed his partner of 23 years on their 23rd anniversary.

Ain’t love grand?

And remember, The Cowboy and The Drag Queen, a Very Lifetime Movie! I said it first!

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Um, Kat Von D? Karma called, honey.
It seems that Kat Von D is all kinds of upset that the man in her life, one Jesse James, with whom she had an affair while he was married to Sandra Bullock, has cheated on her during their relationship.
Nineteen times.

The reality show star took to Facebook--apparently she doesn't Tweet--to open up about her failed relationship with James: "Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year. I kept going back and forth in my mind as to what the best way would be for me to release and let go of any residual feelings remaining from that toxic relationship. All of this may sound petty or immature to some, but I assure you this is coming from a place of pure honesty and love."

Um, Kat? Honey? Pure honesty didn't seem to play into it when you schtupped married Jesse, so why on earth would you think any one of Jesse's Schtup Of The Month gals--or even Jesse The Cheater, himself--would feel differently.
Whores'r'whores, hon. And some of them might have to remove the Jesse James' face that was tattooed to her ribcage. 
Good luck with that, Kat.


What's this? Someone who used to work for Kash Kow Kardashian is being sued by the Big Ass?
Indeed. Jonathan Jaxson--gotta love that spelling....only in Hollywood--a former publicist who worked for Kim Kardashian from 2007-2009, claimed that Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring “from” Kris Humphries was “very similar” to a ring that she used in 2007 to stage a fake engagement with Reggie Bush. And, apparently, this has been supported by paparazzi photos taken at the time, which show Kim wearing a ring that looks identical to her engagement ring with Kris. 

Jaxson also goes on to say that Reggie was unaware that Kash Kow had set him up for fake engagement rumors, and that “these type of antics” ended their relationship. He also said that Kim had a whole plan to get famous, that she wasn’t fazed by her sex tape at all and that it wasn’t released without her permission.
So, naturally, Kash Kow Kim is suing Jaxson for defamation and wants $200,000. Her lawyer, Marty Singer, claims that Kim barely worked with Jaxson, that Jaxson is lying and that he signed a confidentiality agreement that prevents him from talking to the media. 
Oops. Maybe not Kimmy. Maybe you were too busy moaning on camera to see that Jaxson's "confidentiality" agreement was never signed by either party. 
Poor Kash Kow Kim. It's now quite clear that she is nothing but a lying, fame-whoring, sell-your-soul-for-money, sex-taping media addict. Color me surprised. But what doesn't surprise me is that everyone seems to be jumping on the No More Kash Kow Kim bandwagon:
Michael Bublé ripped on Kim during a recent performance in NY. He said “Please welcome Kim Kardashian [to the stage],” then joked “Nah, just [bleeping] with you! That bitch isn’t coming on my stage.” The NY Post has this story, along with the detail that he then dedicated a song to Kris Humphries.
There's a petition circulating demanding that Tyler Perry remove Kash Kow from his latest film, and another petition to the E! channel, demanding her show, er, shows, be canceled.
And then there's a new book called Celebrity, Inc.: How Famous People Make Money that examines how Kow Kardashian was able to best her former bestie, Paris Hilton, in earnings. Author Jo Piazza says that “everyone thinks [Kim is] a joke” and that her “shelf life” is almost over. 
Shelf life.
It's funny cuz it's true.


File this one under Gosh, I Hope It Isn't True.
Soul-singing diva Patti LaBelle is in trouble with the law again, after ALLEGEDLY throwing water bottle at an 18-month-old child and then trying to punch the child's mother. 

The lawsuit, filed Monday, November 14, says the singer ALLEGEDLY got heated with the mother, a kindergarten teacher, over parenting techniques and the argument escalated into a screaming match.
The incident took place in a Manhattan apartment building where the complainants, Roseanna Monk and her husband Kevin, live. LaBelle had also been staying in the building for a short time during her tenure in the Broadway musical 'Fela!'
The Monks' lawyer, Samuel L. Davis, told the press that LaBelle got into an unwarranted kerfuffle scuffle with Roseanna Monk after Monk allowed her toddler to stray slightly away. Monk was ALLEGEDLY carrying luggage and a car seat into her building when LaBelle criticized her lack of concern for her child. Monk then scooped up her child and told LaBelle that it was none of her business which led the singer to throw water at the pair while simultaneously launching into an obscenity-laden lecture.
As the toddler began crying--I mean, a diva hurled a bottle at him--Monk made an undisclosed remark to LaBelle who then charged the resident, ALLEGEDLY attempting to hit her. The Monks' lawsuit seeks an unspecified--read: hundreds of thousands--amount for damages, an apology from LaBelle and a donation to a children's cancer charity. 
LaBelle has refused the settlement offer.
This new lawsuit comes just months after LaBelle's bodyguards brutally beat a West Point cadet when he neared too close to the singer's luggage outside a Houston airport. After the incident, the cadet, Richard King, was suspended from West Point and required at least one year of service. He has since been reinstated and is suing LaBelle for physical damages and defamation. 
Patti recently countersued for the cadet's alleged use of sexually and racially demeaning language at the airport pickup area.
Temper, temper, Diva.


This really isn't gossip, because it happened. On TV.
The View's resident rightwingnut, Elisabeth Hasselbeck got into a bit of a tiff with guest Bill Maher on the show this week, over comments Maher made about her on his show months ago.
Hold a grudge much, Lizzie?

It seems that Hasselbeck was offended by a tasteless remark Maher made at her expense on his HBO show last February, where he said that we should send Hasselbeck to Egypt in exchange for CNN correspondent Lara Logan. 
Now, that's kinda funny...except I don't think anyone would exchange Hasselbeck for anyone else...and not in light of the fact that that Logan was sexually assaulted by a mob. Top be fair, however, Maher's remark was made over a week before news of the assault was known at all. 
But that didn't stop Hasselbeck from confronting Maher about it. She told him she didn’t find his joke to be funny, and he explained that it wasn’t meant as a personal attack on her. But Lizzie, like any good Republican with an asshatted bone, wouldn't let it go.
“Would you say that again?” asked Hasselbeck.
Maher quipped, “If I had a crystal ball and knew I was coming here and had to spend my whole segment talking about it, no.”
Lizzie kept on and kept on and kept on, until Granny Walters awoke from her nap and pronounced, "We’re done, can we move on?”
Still, Lizzie was undeterred, and thereby proving what a moron she truly is, by saying, as the group began talking politics, “Wow, I actually feel smarter sitting next to you.”
To which he replied, “Really? I feel like I’m in high school sitting next to you.”
It's funny, cuz it's true.


Ashton and Demi........meh. I saw that coming right after the "I do's".

I Ain't One To Gossip, But..............

Oh, Lindsay, first the Mob Daughter says 'No' to you portraying her onscreen, and now Stevie Nicks has given you the middle finger, too.
Glenn Beck loves to shoot his mouth off, mostly without thinking. And he loves to stir the pot, making up stories about people, and where they're born and what religion they practice and such.

For a long time the wacktress has expressed interest in portraying Stevie Nicks in a movie of the songbird's life, but the Fleetwood Mac singer not-so-ALLEGEDLY made it quite clear that that she will not let this happen until Lindsay cleans up her act.
And this is straight from the mouth of La Nicks: "That's never going to happen unless she cleans up her life and becomes the great actress I feel she can be. Everybody thinks I hate her, and it's not that at all. I just want her to get it together. I was completely messed up for a long time and I got it together. She's a very talented girl… If she could get it together, she could have a really big career and she could do great things."
But first she'll have to give up the pills and the booze and the stealing of things that don't belong to her; not to mention the DUIs, the kidnapping, the car theft, the rehab, the jail time.
 Yeah, I don't see this movie happening anytime soon.

Now, Beck has created a feud where there once was none,m with the band My Chemical Romance.

And it all started because of Glee.
Beck apparently got his granny panties in a twist when My Chemical Romance song, 'Sing' was performed on the hit show. He then took it upon himself to warn all parents that their children could be watching damaging material and that "our whole culture ... is set up for you and the values you grew up on to lose."
He begged parents to pay attention to the lyrics: "This is propaganda ... It's an anthem saying 'Join us.' How can you and I possibly win against that?"
A song that asks you to 'Join us' sung on a TV show about a high school glee club and it's the beginning the end.
I'd say, Oh how the mighty have fallen, but then Beck was never mighty, except in his own head.
And the song in question that wants the children of America to join My Chemical Romance? Well, it isn't propaganda, it's actually a re-recording of an old song, released to raise money for the Red Cross' efforts in earthquake-ravaged Japan.
How dangerous.
My Chemical Romance lead singer, Gerard Way, says: "I think the word Glenn Beck was looking for was 'subversion' not 'propaganda,' because I don't know what [the lyrics] would be considered propaganda for? Truth? Sentiment? And I can't tell what he's angrier about, the fact that it's how I feel about the persistent sterilization of our culture, or the fact that it's on network television for everyone to hear."
And then Way makes note of the fact that Beck has misquoted the actual lyrics, replacing the term "webways" with "railways."
Gerard Way: "...Railways? Is it 1863? Seen any children living on these lately instead of the Internet? I'm actually shocked that no actual fact-checking was done on the lyrics. I mean, Fox is a major news channel, covering factual topics in an unbiased and intelligent ... oh wait."
Never mind.
Glenn Beck's TV career ends in the coming months. And not a moment too soon.

What a dick.

Andy Dick, that is.
The comic[?] was arrested at a Temecula, California restaurant the other night for, as police put it, acting disorderly, ALLEGEDLY under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
This comes on the heels of Dick's appearance on Marc Maron's WTF Podcast last week, in which Dick said he was about to embark on a long booze-free period in his life: "There's been times when I haven't drank for three years in a row ... Right now, I know I'm in a very long stretch of complete abstinence and sobriety."
Oops. Never mind.
Dick has also admitted that he's been to rehab eleven times. fingers crossed for Time Number Twelve.

Who will it be?
Who?
Who?

Who will be the last guest on the last episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
It has to be someone of superstar status. it has to be someone Oprah admires. it has to be someone whom Oprah finds the most fascinating person in the entire world, and the only person worthy of making TV history by being the Big O's final guest.
Who will it be?
Who?
Who?
Well, sources--and by sources, I mean the team of cake wranglers who keep Oprah in pastries--say the final big-name-greatest-person-ever-in-the-whole-wide-world to be interviewed by Oprah will be..............................................................Oprah.
An insider, who ALLEGEDLY has his lips permanently attached to Winfrey ass, says, "How can one celebrity possibly sum up 25 years of such a groundbreaking show? Who could possibility come on the show and represent everything Oprah has done" from celebrity interviews, to human-interest stories to politics to women's issues to breaking news. She's done it all, my source says, and "only one person could do that and that is Oprah herself."
Well, if Oprah interviews Oprah, they'll need to get two big-assed chairs in the studio, and teams and teams of men to hold up both of those big fat ego-filled heads.

'The Tudors' star Jonathan Rhys Meyers, or as i like to think of him, Britain's Lindsay Lohan, has checked into rehab, again, for alcohol addiction.

In fact, rumor has it that the 33-year-old actor spent 10 days at a London clinic last month.
Ten.Days.
Then he left because he had to go to work. And then stop off at the pub for a pint.
This is ALLEGEDLY Meyers' fourth stint at rehab. It's like he and Lindsay are in a race, though he doesn't seem keen on adding jewel theft and kidnapping to his resume, as Lohan does.
It's been just a year since Rhys Meyers last sought help for his alcohol addiction. That rehab stint came on the heels of his ALLEGEDLY abusing airport staff after they banned him from getting on a flight while intoxicated.
Meyers was also previously arrested in 2007 at the Dublin Airport for being drunk and disturbing the peace, though the charges were later dropped.
He was also detained by police in June 2009 at the Charles De Gaulle Airport in Paris after allegedly assaulting an employee at a bar while drunk.
The incident last year, though, was what ALLEGEDLY caused his long-term girlfriend, Reena Hammer, to say, "Check into rehab or I'm dumping you."
I think he must have taken that for, Check yourself into rehab, but then start drinking again once you come out.

Oh, Jesse James.

You married America's Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. Then you fucked around on her and got caught, and became The Biggest Loser. And you've spent the last couple of years trying to atone for your ways, asking for forgiveness, saying you still love Sandra.
You have a funny way of showing it, pal.
Jesse James recently told Howard Stern that Kat Von D outperforms Sandra Bullock in the bedroom by 100 fold.
Yeah, that'll win her back.
And this comes after his last interview where he says he secretly wanted to get caught schtupping anything and everything, including the tattooed Nazi girl, during his marriage with Bullock: "I think I wanted to get caught. It was me trying to self sabotage my life."Then he cries when talking about the son he and Bullock wanted to adopt; the son Bullock adopted on her own after he cheated. "I could cry so much about [Louis] until I have to suck it up and keep a stiff upper lip and realize, hey, [there are] three kids that I do have ... I've never seen Louis since everything."
And you think you should be able to see him? You cheat on his mommy and then publicly announce that you've found a better lay, and that should entitle you to some sort of relationship with her son?
Oh, honey. No.

If at first you don't succeed, make your first husband your third husband.

Marie Osmond has remarried ex-husband Stephen Craig. They were initially married from 1982 to 1985 and have a son. Osmond then married music producer Brian Blosil in 1986, and then divorced him in 2007. That marriage brought Osmond seven children--two biological and five adopted.
Osmond, who cited severe mental cruelty when she divorced Craig twenty-five years ago--though they have remained friendly--now says, "I am so happy and look forward to sharing my life with Stephen, who is an amazing man as well as a great father to my children."
This news comes a little more than a year after Osmond's 18-year-old son, Michael Blosil, committed suicide. Rumors of Marie and Stephen remarrying began circulating back then, The re-newlyweds chose May 4 to commemorate the birthdays of both her deceased son and late mother. "It was important that both Michael and my mom were with us on this special day," Osmond says.
Nice, I guess.
The Mormons don't want the gays to marry, but I guess Mormons can marry, and divorce, and marry again, and divorce again, and then remarry their first spouse.
They don't want gays to even marry once.