It's Snarkurday!

Look, I’ll just say it … Judge Judy is worth every single penny of the $47 million a year she makes. And now the Los Angeles Superior Court has agreed that Scheindlin’s salary is appropriate.

Judge Judy, the highest paid person in television, was named in a lawsuit brought against CBS by Rebel Entertainment who claimed that by CBS paying Judy that many coins was part of a plan to deny Rebel Entertainment their share of profit participation; Rebel was the talent agency that “originally packaged Judge Judy in the 1990s.”

Rebel Entertainment Partners asserted that it was entitled to a 5% share of net profits, but accounting statements seem to prove that the syndicated show runs at a deficit largely because Sheindlin’s salary was deducted as an expense. Rebel claimed that when CBS doubled Judge Judy’s salary a decade ago, it set fire to their profits.

I can hear her say it now …

“They don’t pay me $47 million, cuz I’m gorgeous, they pay me that because I’m smart.”

And deserves every penny.

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Russell Crowe’s divorce from Danielle Spencer, his wife of nine years, is close to being finalized., so he is celebrating by having a Divorce Sale through Sotheby’s Australia.

One item that was sold, for$7,000, was a leather jockstrap … from Russell’s nights at The Stud?

Sadly, no, it was part of a costume he wore in Cinderella Man, when he was younger and hotter.

Still seven grand for a used jock? In a tweet, Russell claimed that the collection, entitled “The Art of Divorce,” netted him $3.7 million in five hours.

It’s not Judge Judy money, but it’s nice, right?

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John Barrowman—Dr. Who, Torchwood, Arrow and The Flash—is a hot, gay, sexy, nerdy, and a giver. And he doesn’t like anyone chastising him for his charity; are you listening West Hollywood Target store?

Barrowman, as he announced on social media, bought a “$40 gift certificate, jacket and shirt for a homeless man at the Target store located at 7100 Santa Monica Blvd” and was then lectured by Target staff who told him he shouldn’t buy anything for the homeless man:

“I am disgusted by what I was told. Arrest me for trying to help someone. The stupidity behind that rule. I want an explanation. How dare you tell me, as a customer, who I am allowed to buy for and what I am allowed to buy?”

Barrowman also noted that the people in line behind him thought his being admonished for caring about his fellow man was “ridiculous, also”:

“That gentleman needed help, a little bit of help to get him up, to make his day a little better, and Target you were trying to deny that. So I’m a little pissed off with you right now.”

Target heard of the kerfuffle and released an apology:

 “We’re very sorry for the experience you had at the LA Target store. We absolutely do not have a policy against this type of purchase, and are addressing it immediately with the team members involved. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.”

Bringing it to their attention? Since when does a store get to dictate for whom you are buying things?

Oh Tar-jhay, I am embarrassed for you.

Oh John, you are now even hotter in my mind.

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A couple of weeks ago, we talk about Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s daughter, Blue Ivy, being allowed to bid for art aat an auction; the child actually purchased apiece of art for several thousand dollars.

Now we find out that Blue Ivy has her own stylist … at age six. While most girls her age are dressed by their mothers, Blue Ivy’s mom don’t play that, and hired Manuel Mendez, her former personal assistant, to dress and style her child.

And he’s been doing it since Blue Ivy was 20 months old.

Seriously; that whole family is out of touch and raising a child who will be utterly helpless, not know the value of a daughter and be incapable of dressing herself.

Damn my mother and father for making me tie my own shoes!

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This is a mess.

Khloe Kardastrophe is expected to pop any day now with the bay she made with basketball player, and playa, Tristan Thompson. And then Thompson was outed, with video proof no less, as a serial cheater. And Kardastrope is in Cleveland, his hometown, awaiting the birth and is too far along to travel.

As the ALLEGATIONS that Tristan Thompson cheated, with more than one woman, and more than one woman at a time, on Kardastrophe, a source for the family—and you just know it’s That Woman—said:

“[This] has been a long time coming.”

Thompson was spotted spending Saturday night cozying up to a  brunette at the PH-D Lounge New York, with video of the duo entering his hotel at 5AM.There is also footage of a night back in October 2017 that ALLEGEDLY shows Thompson kissing one woman while a different woman gropes him.

That Woman The source says:

“Tristan has been consistently cheating on Khloé. He’s a serial cheater. And there will be more women to come out of the woodwork. First Lamar cheated on her and now Tristan. She’s been through so much.”

Look, do I feel bad for her? Kind of; but she picked him …and he left his pregnant girlfriend for her, so … and you just know this will turn into a Very Special Episode of Taking Out The Trash Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

And that’ll be a mess, too.

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Random Musings

Last year, when _____ was campaigning for the presidency he called for a Muslim ban because, you know, Muslims are terrorists—when, in reality, it’s orange ego-maniacal ALLEGED billionaires who are terrorists.

And, at that time Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, said:

"I do not think it is reflective of our principles, not just as a party, but as a country. And I think the smarter way to go in all respects is to have a security test, not a religious test. I do not think a Muslim ban is in our country's interest.”

Cut to this week, when Hair Furor in office, and suddenly Paul Ryan is goose-stepping to a different tune and telling us that he backed the decision to stop the U.S. refugee program and ban all entries from seven Muslim-majority nations for 90 days.

What happened Paul? Whatever it was that made you do a 180 on a Muslim ban and now stand for hate, it spawned one of my new favorite Twitter hashtags:

#TheCowardlyRyan.

Use it when you Tweet him, it’s fun.

The racist co-worker—for those who don’t remember, she said to me one time that the reason more white people are not shot by police during routine traffic stops or because they’re just walking down a street is because, and I quote, “White people don’t act like that.”—has quit the job.

And, on her last day, she made a point to come tell me she was leaving, and, because I cannot help myself, I said:

“I didn’t really care for you because I thought you were just another racist, bigoted, homophobic, anti-immigrant, white supremacist gun-loving Black Lives Matter hating, conspiracy theorist loon. ..... That’s all.”

Bye Felicia.

Another sign of the End Times?

This fall, Oprah will step away from her WeightWatchers commercials and begin a  new job as a special correspondent on 60 Minutes:

“I’ve been a big admirer of 60 Minutes since my days as a young reporter. I’m so excited and proud to join forces with this historic news program, which for me represents the bastion of journalistic storytelling.”

Uh huh. Oprah? Reporter? Journalist?

I didn’t watch her “tribute” to the late Mary Tyler Moore last week but I did hear that the show was less Mary and more how Mary made Oprah feel, so, Sixty Minutes? Shame on you for inflicting this blubbering ego on us.

Oprah? I say Noprah.

In response to the Muslim ban, which _____ and Sean Spicer aren’t saying is a ban though they’ve both called it a ban, Starbucks announced that will hire 10,000 refugees over the next five years.

Howard Schultz, Starbuck’s chairman and CEO:

“We have a long history of hiring young people looking for opportunities and a pathway to a new life around the world. This is why we are doubling down on this commitment by working with our equity market employees as well as joint venture and licensed market partners in a concerted effort to welcome and seek opportunities for those fleeing war, violence, persecution and discrimination.”

I need a Caramel Macchiato now.

I’ve been watching the show Timeless because I love stories about time travel and because co-star Matt Lanter is delicious. But last week they did a show about the Old West and Jesse James and one Daniel Lissing played Jesse.

Seriously, a little scruff on the chin and he was scorching my TV.

HotHotHot.

More about the fallout from the Muslim non-ban-ban?

The American Civil Liberties Union reported an astounding $24,164,691 in donations—from 356,306 online donors—following Hair Furor’s hate-filled executive order.

The ACLU usually raises $4 million a year from online donations.

The Resistance is working.

The ride company Lyft said it would donate $1 million to the group after it was revealed that its competitor Uber broke a solidarity strike at JFK airport and a #DeleteUber campaign was born.

Resist.

Want more?

In response to hate, Google has launched a $2 million crisis fund that can be matched with up to $2 million in donations from employees, for four organizations: the American Civil Liberties Union, Immigrant Legal Resource Center, International Rescue Committee and UNHCR. It is Google’s largest crisis campaign ever.

The campaign was disclosed in a memo sent by Google CEO Sundar Pichai and the company’s logo for that day celebrated the birth of Fred Korematsu, an American civil rights activist who objected to the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II.

The resistance grows.

I love court shows. I love Judge Judy because I love bitchy, snarky common sense.

But I saw a show the other day about a man who lost his glasses at a hair salon and was suing the salon for $5,000 because the glasses cost $300. The rest was because he had to drive without his glasses, putting his life at risk.

Seriously? Forty-seven hundred dollars because he had to drive home? Where does he live? The Moon?

And what about _____’s suggestion that he would investigate voter fraud because he’s all pissy that he lost the popular vote by three million to Hillary? And, remember, if you add in all votes against him, he lost the popular vote by over 11 million votes?

Well, it turns out that Gregg Phillips, the man _____ touted as a voter fraud expert was registered to vote in Alabama, Texas, and Mississippi during the 2016 election.

Uh huh. Now, he only voted in Alabama but doesn’t it seem odd that the man investigating fraud was registered in so many places?

I know most of these musings are all about _____, but I cannot help it.

Anyone else bothered by the fact that President _____ didn’t offer condolences to the victims of the mosque shooting in Canada?

Is it because the shooter was white and an anti-immigrant fool and a _____ supporter?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Remember Star Jones? Yeah, me neither.

But apparently the former big mouth fat-ass has found a way to get back at the ladies of The View since she's still holding a grudge after being fired from that show in 1949.

She's written a book.

And it's ALLEGEDLY called "The Lunch Club" and is about a fictional TV show in which one of the stars departs under "mysterious circumstances--like getting fired for being a money grubbing bridezilla media whore....for example--and then decides to come back with a vengeance--like by writing a tell-all book about her former colleagues.....for example.

It isn't a big secret that Star doesn't like Barbara; I mean, every chance she gets, when her mouth isn't filled with cookies and she isn't marrying and divorcing a homosexual, she takes a swipe at Walters. 

And Walters did get a couple of of digs at Jones in her book, Audition. So karma is a bitch, and so is Star Jones.

Uh oh.

The Prophet, as her employee Steadman Graham likes to call her....though I think he meant The Profit...is not gonna like this.

Her numbers are going down as fast as her dress size is going up.

Even with the news that she is quitting and soon we'll have an Oprah-Free TV....unless you wanna watch OWN...the network she owns run by people she owns....the audience is turning away from Oprah and gravitating more toward.....

Ellen? No. 

Regis and Kelly? No.

It's Judge Judy. Judge Judy's show is up 11 percent in viewers compared to last year, when it finished second to Oprah. Now it is television's most-watched daytime show last month.

Oprah is down 9 percent. In viewers, not in size. In that she's up 35%, I think.

Still, for someone whose ego is as big as her ass, and who announced her decision to quit her TV show 16 months in advance, she will not be happy.

Oprah who? She better get used to it.

Oh this has hot mess written all over it.

It seems that the mistresses of Tiger Woods, Jesse James and David Boreanaz are joining forces to make some cash from being whores since their affairs netted them no money whatsoever.

The former stripper, current whore, mistress of David Boreanaz has “come up with the idea to team up on an adult entertainment tour with other porn star mistresses of famous cheaters.”

They'll be hitting up porn conventions around the nation to cash in on the fact that their self-respect, and respect for other people's marriages, doesn't exist.

Whores On Tour will make their first appearance at the “eXXXtacy 2010” convention in Chicago.

Maybe Oprah will interview them!

Like Oprah, her head is as big as her ass.

Apparently--I say apparently, because apparently I wasn't invited--Jennifer Lopez hosted a housewarming and vow renewal party with husband Marc Anthony over the weekend for her close personal friends Benny Medina, Quincy Jones, Mary J. Blige, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and 200 others.

Perhaps i was meant to be one of the others, but I digress.
It seems that JLo had DJ Ruckus play an untitled new single SIX times in a row!

Her untitled new single. Perhaps it was her way of saying "Go home! Party's over." I always use JLo music to end a party. Nothing clears out a room faster.

Donald Trump and Lindsay Lohan.

The media whore and the......well, whore....are ALLEGEDLY teaming up for the next edition of that hit show.....I kid....The Celebrity Apprentice.

According to Lindsay Lohan’s mother-enabler-manager-liar-drug-mule: "The show’s producers have approached Lindsay to appear in the next season. She's deciding if she wants to do it or not, but she currently has three films in production, so she's very busy."

I think by three films, she means three YouTube videos of Lindsay stumbling out of a nightclub flashing her vah-jay-jay.

But, between her, ahem, "filming", her star-studded appearances in court, her arrests, her partying, her clubbing, her SCRAM bracelet going off, I don't know if Lindsay will have the time to be on TV.

She's a busy has-been.

And, in more La Lohan news, Lindsay's assistant has apparently quit.

Her right-hand gal, Elinore, quit this week after just a few months on the job, saying she was "exhausted" and had "had enough of Lindsay's demands."

Poor girl. Between peeing in a cup for Lindsay's random drug tests, helping her boss up off the floor, holding Lindsay's hair out of the way while she puked, carrying the drugs so Lindsay could honestly say she wasn't holding, changing Lindsay's diapers, beating Dina off with a stick, Elinore never had any time to herself.

Being the caretaker in the House Of Lindsanity is a 24/7 job.

And minimum wage doesn't cut it.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But..................

I don't get Charlie Sheen.
I don't see talented actor or TV comedy star. I see alcoholic, drug addicted, serial groom, with a penchant for spousal battery. I don't see why a woman, any woman, would want to hook her wagon, as it were, to his star.
Except for the fact that, as the :::cough cough::: star of that :::cough cough::: hit show, Two And A Half Men, Sheen makes $20 million a year.
So, please to explain, what the frig is wrong with people that they want to marry this loser, let him beat them, and then go back to him? Please to explain, why a TV network, and I'm lookin' at you CBS, would spend $20 million a year on this asshat?
Hey CBS! I can do his job for a tenth of what you pay him and you wouldn't have to worry about me getting arrested or going to rehab or divorces or battery charges or being addicted to porn...okay, let me have that last one, because I promise it won't keep me from showing up to work.

This is scary, but I kind of like Victoria Beckham. Now, to be fair, I'd really only want to be her friend to get close to her husband :::::yum::::: but she is quite funny. And, yes, almost human.
I saw her on The View this week and she seemed far less alien than she looks. She was quite funny, at times, though, I must say, to hear her talk about how the CFDA [Council of Fashion Designers of America] was working to keep underage models and Number 2 pencil thin models off the runway, was a hoot.
I mean, Posh Spice, who allegedly had ribs removed so she could be a size -4, who hasn't eaten solid food since 1995, talking about too thin models? Joy Behar laughed so hard she blew Posh off the couch.
Posh Spice talking about ridding the runways of the world of too thin models is like me talking about reducing the bitchy catty attitude of gay men.
What?

Justin Timberlake is gay.
Yup, big old queen. Okay, he might not be gay [openly] but he is a big old prissy boy.
And a bitchy one at that.
But he needs his space and he longs for his privacy. How Garbo of him.
He was having a show from his design collection ::::i know....funny.....right::::: the William Rast collection, last week, and he made certain that all staff members at the venue signed a Don't-Look-At-Me-Talk-To-Me-Breathe-On-Me-Or-Speak-My-Name gag order. He also made certain that much of the venue was closed to every one but, well, him.
Queeeeeeeeen.
Everyone else, from stylists, models, assistants, coordinators and anyone who worked on the show was crammed into a corner so Justin could roam freely, and alone.
Bitch please. It's not like you're Jennifer Lopez.

Vanity Fair always does a New Hollywood issue, featuring all the new talent out there, just aching for a trip on the Casting Couch. Trouble is, as usual, their New Hollywood, is skinny, pasty, and white.
Not good news for Gabourey Sidibe, star of Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. She wasn't asked to be anywhere near Vanity Fair as they readied their New Hollywood version. Seriously, one of the most break-out performances of the year, and she isn't asked to join the shoot.
I bet she's pissed.
Um, no, because Gabby takes the high road. Asked if she was upset at being excluded, Gabby said: “At first I thought, ‘Hmm, should I be there? Then I very quickly got over it. I think if I were a part of that shoot I would have felt a little left out anyway. I would have felt a little like… whether or not I should have been there. [It] doesn’t matter, because I wasn’t on it and I’m excited to be mentioned anywhere, and it doesn’t matter to me where I’m not mentioned.”
Gabby don't need no stinking Vanity Fair.

This has to be a joke.
It seems that producers of American Idol have lost their marbles. Word comes from somewhere, perhaps inside my head, that Paula Deen, of the FOOD Network, will come on the show as a guest judge this season.
Supposedly, the deal has been in the works for "weeks."
In related news, Randy Jackson will have his own Food Network Show called Dawg Bonz.

Pot.Kettle.Black.
Lisa Rinna, of big ginormous fake, pumped full of goddess knows what, lips fame, is flapping those enormous lips about Heidi "Media Whore" Montag.
She apparently tore the cover off of People magazine the week Heidi was featured because she didn't think it was appropriate for her own young girls to read about Heidi's Surgical Misadventure's.
See, in the Rinna house, you can't look at pictures of women who've gone off the plastic surgery deep end, unless it's a picture of mommy and her inflatable lips and breasts and frozen forehead.

Speaking of plastic surgery, Jane Fonda has gone the nip/tuck route. Again. At 72-years-old, Fonda, looking gorgeous, decided she needed some touch ups done in time for the DVD release of her new exercise video.
But, unlike Heidi and Rinna, Fonda cops to the knife talk, and jokes about it:
"I just had some work done on my chin and neck and had the bags taken away from under my eyes so I decided it would be a good idea to get a new haircut so people will think it's my new hair."
Fool 'em with a new 'do, Jane.
Brazilliant!

I loves me some Judge Judy.
I admit it. I'm an addict, and I will not be joining any 12-step program to cure myself of Judy.
And, obviously, I'm not the only one.
Judy's show has been on the number one spot against any other syndicated half hour court show for 700 consecutive weeks! Thirteen freakin' years!
So, Judge Alex, and Judge Mathis and Judge Fill In The Blank, keep plugging along, because you'll never catch her.
In fact, she's even out-Oprah's Oprah a few times.
Makes me love her even more.

Peta has a Hit List, and Catherine Zeta-Jones is right up there, at the top!
The animal activist group has named Zeta-Jones their Worst Dressed Celeb of the year for her extensive wardrobe of animal skins and fur:
"With her creepy cow-skin pants, ugly fox coat, and icky alligator bag, Catherine Zeta-Jones looks like she’s working her way through Noah’s ark with a knife. Maybe she’s trying to get into character for an upcoming role as a serial killer--or a taxidermist."
Michael Douglas should be careful. apparently Catherine is fond of leathery looking handbags and he has just the face for it.