The Funny Papers

Reynold Philip, Benjamin Slyngstad, Bill Bramhall, Pedro X Molina, Clay Bennett, Adam Zyglis, Max Espinoza, Ed Wexler, Marc Murphy, Gary Huck, Michael de Adder, Nick Anderson

Bobservations

We had a lovely, quiet, peace-filled weekend getaway for my birthday. So much so that I didn’t want to return, but we did, because we have cats and a dog and such. When we got home we were telling the pet-sitter about the trip, and I told her it was wintry and gorgeous and quiet and then I added:

“We got several inches on my birthday AND then it snowed.”

I thought Carlos was going to die, but our house-sitter guffawed and snorted.

My take: if you want to vote for the guy who pardons the traitors, know that you’re voting for a man who will free men and women who broke into a federal building and threatened to murder the Vice President and the Speaker of the House, and if you feel that’s presidential, fuck all the way off.

This week I posted about the idiot Republicans and conservatives on the McMinn County School Board in Tennessee, who have banned Art Spiegelman’s “Maus,” the Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust, from the eighth-grade curriculum.

No sooner than they said banned, did the book, hell the entire series of the graphic novel, “The Complete Maus,” surge to the top of Amazon’s bestseller list.

If they ban the book, buy the book.

I have created a special uniform for the COVIDIOTS at work. They love the hat. But Donald decided it looked better without his clothes and I ain’t mad at it.

Ryan Utterback, who has supported banning books from North Kansas City School District libraries that depict sexual acts, is facing a felony charge of second-degree child molestation and a misdemeanor charge of fourth-degree domestic assault. Oh, and he is also facing a misdemeanor charge of furnishing pornographic material or attempting to furnish pornographic material to a minor in a separate case.

Just like the biggest homophobic bigots get caught trying to play footsie in a men’s room, doesn’t it always seem that the people who scream the loudest about protecting the children are the ones trying to molest children?

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make a sarcastic comment and yet knowing the answer will always be ‘Yes.’

Rihanna’s foundation, the Clara Lionel, has donated $15 million to 18 climate justice organizations, including the Climate Justice Alliance and the Movement for Black Lives. A statement explained:

“Climate disasters, which are growing in frequency and intensity, do not impact all communities equally, with communities of color and island nations facing the brunt of climate change. These grants support entities focused on and led by women, youth, Black, Indigenous, people of color and LGBTQIA+ communities. We invite others to join us in elevating, funding and supporting these groups and others who are on the frontlines of the climate justice movement.”

That’s how you do it.

After COVID-stricken Sarah Palin was spotted dining at two Manhattan restaurants and walking maskless on city streets, Mayor Adams’ office issued a warning to New Yorkers who cross her infected path:

“We encourage any New Yorker who came into contact with Sarah Palin to get tested, just as we encourage all New Yorkers to get tested regularly, especially those who believe they may have been exposed to COVID-19.”

 The good news is most intelligent people always steer clear of COVID Sarah.

France has a new law that bans so-called conversion therapies and authorizes jail time and fines for practitioners who use the scientifically discredited practice to attempt to change the sexual orientation or gender identity of LGBTQ people.

As French President Emmanuel Macron said:

“The law prohibiting conversion therapy is adopted unanimously! Let’s be proud, these unworthy practices have no place in the Republic. Because being yourself is not a crime, because there is nothing to be cured.”

Bravo!

Curt Autry, a journalist for Richmond, Virginia’s NBC 12, had the best response to a transphobic email about Jeopardy! champion Amy Schneider.

While reporting on Schneider’s winning streak Autry noted that Schneider was the first woman to win over a million dollars, and the first woman to win that many consecutive episodes. That set off a viewer, who identifies as “Gretchen,” who wrote into the show:

“Hey Curt, I saw that you somehow managed to read the story on the news last night (and with a straight face) that Amy Schneider is now the winningest woman in the history of Jeopardy! You don’t see the irony there? So which is it, are you stupid and not realize that Amy is a dude or do you stay that woke 24/7?”

Autry reminded “Gretchen” that most people don’t try to verify someone’s sex assigned at birth before addressing them with the correct name and pronouns, so why shouldn’t that same courtesy be extended to trans people?

“Dear Gretchen, we’ve never met, so I don’t know you—but since you approached me as ‘Gretchen,’ I assume that’s how you like to be addressed, I feel no need to peek in your panties to verify it. I’ll call you what makes you comfortable, the same goes for Amy. And that has nothing to do with my IQ or how ‘woke’ I am, it’s just a simple matter of respect.”

Respect. That’s all.

And here we have one Addis Miller, he of the dazzling smile and beautiful body, an Ethiopian-British model who also runs Lifestyle Limitless, a nutrition and training company. 

Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

There is some hopefulness on Consuelo.

I’ve seen her on the deck, twice, coming for food we’ve left out. But she’s scared and so she won’t come to me or come into the house. She looks a little ragged—it rained one night—but otherwise okay.

We’ve set out old clothes, her scratching post, a cat carrier with blankets, food, w treats, but still she won’t come out when we’re around. I think she’s just scared right now. Our next step, I think, is to get a feral cat trap, and see if we can trap her. That way we can get her back inside.

Fingers permanently crossed.

It’s been more than thirty years since the AIDS Memorial Quilt was created in San Francisco, and in those years,  it has traveled the world and touched millions of hearts. Now, the Quilt is going home for good.

The AIDS Memorial Quilt, spurred on by the NAMES Project Foundation, will be moved from Atlanta to the National AIDS Memorial in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park for long-term preservation and educational purposes; related archival collections will be under the care of the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress in Washington.

If you’ve never seen it, all or part, it is an amazingly beautiful sad, heartbreaking memorial to those we’ve lost to AIDS. I’ve seen parts in San Francisco and Miami and saw it on the Mall in DC twice.

It breaks your heart, but gives you hope. It deserves a permanent home.

In other good LGBTQ+ news … Cyndi Lauper will receive the inaugural High Note Global Prize from the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights and the High Note Global Initiative.

Lauper is being lauded for co-founding True Colors Unitedin 2008 after learning that while 10% of American youth identify as LGBTQ+, up to 40% of American homeless youth is LGBTQ+. True Colors United works to prevent and end youth homelessness, focusing on the unique experiences of LGBTQ youth.

True Colors United offers free training and resources on how to meet the needs of LGBTQ+ youth experiencing homelessness. They advocate in government and media to help ensure critical funding and services for all youth and create opportunities for youth who have experienced homelessness to be key leaders in the effort to end the problem.

Congratulations Cyndi. Girls just wanna have fun, but they wanna help. too.

More LGBTQ+ good news … LGBTQ advocates and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have reached a deal to ban harmful gay conversion therapy for minors in the state of Utah. The deal was announced by Governor Gary Herbert on Twitter.

The proposed rule is expected to be published Dec. 15 and could go into effect as early as Jan. 22, according to a news release.”

But then … The Notre Dame Academy has come under fire after Carly McGoldrick, a parent who identifies as bisexual, reported that when the school took 8th graders on their annual trip to Chicago to see The Nutcracker, the chaperones made the kids leave the theater when it was revealed that Clara’s parents were played by two men:

“I’ve been in contact with an audience member … who said the walk-out was disruptive and confusing. It happened about 5 minutes before the performance actually began, and I can only imagine how humiliated the students were. Waiting for NDA to …  issue an apology for embarrassing [the students] in front of an entire auditorium.”

Kim Grilliot, NDA president, issued an apology, after McGoldrick’s tweet started a firestorm of anger:

“We apologize for our decision for 8th graders leave to a performance of The Nutcracker before it began due to casting choices. The mistake is contrary to our inclusive spirit and reminds us our actions should affirm that we are all God’s children.”

Well, isn’t that special, but … NDA also claims the school’s Spirit of Inclusion statement, adopted in 2014 ,affirms that NDA welcomes "all into our Gospel community including but not limited to people of all colors, religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, gender expression, abilities, economic classes and nationalities.”

Except, I guess when it comes to Clara having two dads. For their part, the 8th graders painted a rock on the school’s campus in rainbow colors with the words “God Loves U” in response to the incident.

Listen to the children is the lesson here.

Ehsan Abdulaziz, a forty-six-year-old millionaire property developer, claims he never raped that 18-year-old girl; he simply tripped and fell on her while his penis was out of his pants.

Seriously.  Abdulaziz had already had sex with the teenager’s 24-year-old friend, whom he already knew, in the bedroom and said his penis might have been poking out of his underwear when he fell on the girl. He says he simply wanted to see if the young woman wanted a t-shirt to sleep in, or a taxi home, but claims she pulled him on top of her and placed his hand between her legs.

Now, his semen and DNA were found inside the girl, but Abdulaziz said it was possible he had semen on his hands from having sex with the 24-year-old earlier.

A jury acquitted him in just 30 minutes of deliberations. Seriously.

It appears he goes by the name Wake.

Hot. The long hair. The facial hair.  The body. The soulful eyes. The smile. The shower.

I’m fully woke. Just sayin’.

Bobservations

In our house we have four pets … MaxGoldberg, Tuxedo, Consuelo Roca-Jones, and the dog, Ozzo.

As happens with pets, they tend to bond with one of us slightly more than the other. Ozzo is clearly more attached to Carlos, though he loves to sit with me in the office while I play on the computer. MaxGoldberg, though, likes us equally, and will run back and forth between our laps, never quite sure who he wants to sit with for long.

Now, Tuxedo is mine; he bonded with me first and he’s always been ‘my boy.’ And Carlos sometimes gets jealous of how Tuxedo comes when I call him, and how Tuxedo follows me around the house, and how Tuxedo will sleep on top of me.

Cut to the other night when I walked in the living room and found Tuxedo curled up in Carlos’ lap, fast asleep. Carlos bragged:

“I think he likes me better now.”

I took a seat …

“Don’t bet on it.”

The second my ass hit the chair, Tuxedo was up and walking across  the side table to curl up in my lap and fall asleep. Carlos muttered …

“Stupid cat.”

“Honey, you were just a place card until his real daddy came into the room.”

“Stupid cat.”

It’s gonna get ugly when Carlos finds out that Consuelo, who hates to be held, has been sitting with me at night, sleeping in my lap.

Garry Smith a South Carolina Republican … because, of course … lawmaker wants libraries to ensure the events they host are age appropriate after an Upstate library hosted a children’s story hour featuring drag queens.

Cuz drag queens are dangerous, y’all. So, Smith proposes that all state-funded libraries must ensure outside groups using library facilities comply with the same regulations for public school curriculums, and if they don’t , they must return their state funding.

For having drag queens read to children. Sadly, Smith doesn’t seem to realize that libraries aren’t schools, and they have meeting spaces available for public use because he’s stupid and a homophobe.

That’s all … oh, but then … the committee voted to table Smith’s proposal, killing it, and then telling smith to Sashay away.

Just an example of how stupid racists are …. There is video of Jill, a white woman, swearing at the general manager of a Mexican restaurant in West Virginia because he was  speaking Spanish:

“English is our first language, so you need to speak English. Get the f--- out of my country.”

As Jill continues to scream at Budar, saying that she has “no problem with the way he looks,” one of the chefs that works at the restaurant intervenes:

“If you’re going to be racist you’re going to leave."

Jill says:

“I’m not racist.”

Like I said, racists are dumb. Jill is dumb. And hate-filled. As she left, she said to the manager:

“I got raped by illegal aliens. F---ing rapist."

Fuck Jill.

Earlier this month Kansas GOP state Representatives Randy Garber, Owen Donohoe, David French, Cheryl Helmer, Ron Highland, Steve Huebert and Bill Rhiley introduced a set hate-filled bills that would ban same-sex marriage, legally deny the existence of transgender people, allow gay conversion therapy, and much more.

However, this week Ron Highland withdrew his support from the bill after his daughter, Christel, publicly shamed him in an open letter on Facebook:

“This has been a strange and difficult week indeed. My name is Christel Highland, and my Father, Representative Ron Highland … was a co-sponsor of the legislation, bill HB2320, that will likely never make it to Governor Laura Kelly’s desk for veto. As a proud member of Kansas City’s LGBTQ+ community, a Mother, a Partner to the love of my life, an Artist active in my creative community, and a hard-working Businessperson, I am personally offended by the egregious nature of Kansas Representatives’ proposed legislation, most notably, my father’s. This is the letter I sent to him:

“Your God did not elect you, living, breathing humans did. Further isolating the marginalized among the population you serve is far from your duty. Hate has no place in public policy. I respectfully request an apology on behalf of my family and beloved friends that this cruel attempt at legislation impacts…”

After his daughter’s public Facebook post, Ron Highland said he’d made a mistake:

“The bill that I should not have signed on to co-sponsor contained some hateful language, which I do not condone. I have asked for my name to be removed from the bill. The process for doing so is in motion.”

Brava to Christel for calling out her father.

And here it is, in full; click to emBIGGERate.

I’m not saying I’d do that to a driver who brazenly parked like an asshat, and I’m not saying I wouldn’t do.

I am saying I bought a box of zip ties this week and keep them in my glove box.

On the heels of yet another pope declaring that the Catholic Church would do something about priests raping children, Cardinal George Pell, until recently the head of the Catholic Church in Australia, and a “top adviser to Pope Francis”  was accused and found guilty of five charges of child sexual abuse.

Pell was found guilty in December, but a gag order was placed on the case because he was scheduled to be tried in a second sexual assault case that was later dropped; the gag order was officially lifted Tuesday.

With this verdict, Pell is the senior most Catholic official convicted of sexual offenses.

The pope has said nothing about Pell. Go figure.

Breana Harmon, a Texas teenager who falsely claimed she was kidnapped and raped by three black men last March, will likely serve no prison time.

While she pleaded guilty to four felony charges of tampering with physical evidence and government documents in relation to false reports of kidnapping and rape, her plea deal will kore than likely include no prison time. 

So, those of you screaming for Jussie Smollett to go to jail because he lied about being attacked by two black men, need to keep this story in mind. Or maybe you don’t have a problem with Harmon lying because she’s a white girl? 

Asking for a country.

This is LA’s ABC7 entertainment correspondent, Karl Schmid.

He’s hot, he’s Australian, he’s gay …and he’s been living with HIV for 10 years. I only say that last part because there is still a stigma in this country, and even in our own community, about HIV, and what it ‘looks’ like and what it means.

What it looks like is a hot, gay Australian TV personality; what it means is that you can live with HIV these days; it’s not a death sentence, it’s a condition; it’s not curable but it is manageable.

Karl came out as HIV+ last year in a Facebook post:

“Hi. I’m a 37-year-old HIV+ man who has been poz for almost ten years. I work in television. And on the side of the camera where, for better or worse it’s considered “taboo” for people “like me” to be “like me”. For 10 years I’ve struggled with “do I or don’t I”? For ten years the stigma and industry professionals have said, “don’t! It’ll ruin you”.

But here’s the thing. I’m me. I’m just like you. I have a big heart and I want to be loved and accepted. I may be on TV from time to time, but at the end of the day I’m just an average guy who wants [what] we all want. To be accepted and loved by our friends and family and to be encouraged by our peers.

So here’s what I say, stand tall, and stand proud. You can’t make everybody happy but you can make you happy. And so long as you tell the truth, you will never have to remember anything. Labels are things that come and go but your dignity and who you are is what defines you. I know who I am, I know what I stand for and while in the past I may not have always had clarity, I do now. Love me or hate me, that’s up to you.

But, for anyone who has ever doubted themselves because of those scary three letters and one symbol, let me tell you this, you are somebody who matters. Your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions count. And don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

I’m Karl Schmid, and I’m an HIV-positive man!”

Hot, gay, open, brave …did I mention hot?

Just sayin’.

Silence still = Death

Bobservations

When we lived in Miami, I created a special whistle for our outside cats so they would come when dinner was ready. Over the years, as those cats left us, and our cats have all been indoor cats, that special whistle is one I now use on Carlos—and, to be fair, he uses it on me, too.

I use it in stores when he wanders off, so that he can find me; I use it at home when I’m too lazy to go to him with a question or comment.

Like the other day, while on the computer, and I came across a high-larious cat-and-dog video and wanted to show him; so, I puckered up and blew … he didn’t come right away. So, I did it again, and kept doing it until he appeared at the office door, snarling:

“No need to the whistle. I am not the dog, you know.”

I replied:

“And yet, here you are.”

I won that round.

Show of hands …who saw this coming? Gay conversion therapist, David Matheson, has quit the “ex-gay” torture movement because he wants to date men.

Seriously. The asshat who believed you could torture away the gay is now flamboyantly out and proud and swiping right with all his might. Yet he still claims he was straight after therapy, until he became bisexual, and then all the way gay … again.

We all know _____;likes his ties long … possibly to use as a red road map over that extended belly to find his zipper when he has to pee. But Chris Christie says there’s an altogether different reason for the look … _____ says a long tie makes him look thinner.

Sure, if we’re looking at him from space.

In a week where we saw smug little MAGA hat wearing racists face down a Native American veteran, I prefer this story …

Fifty students from Hingham Middle School in Massachusetts spent a month rehearsing a song, and then traveled 30 miles by bus to perform it for their favorite teacher, choir director Christopher Landis, at his wedding rehearsal brunch. Christopher’s fiancé, Joe Michienzie, was in on the surprise which was planned by two parents of the students.

One parent, Joy Foraste, said:

“It was so wonderful for the kids to see him with his family and his close friends, and they saw him as a person, not just their teacher. They saw how much it meant to him. He immediately started crying and the kids started crying. It’s something they’ll never forget.”

And I’m crying … again.

The government shut down is entering its fifth week of federal employees going without pay. And, while some in Congress are donating their salaries to food bank and charities set up to help those workers, the Fat Bastard responsible sits in his Barca lounger eating Big Macs and offering nothing.

Fortunately, there are people who care … like Jon Bon Jovi and wife Dorthea who run the JBJ Soul Kitchen, a restaurant that allows people to pay what they can for their food or volunteer for the meal instead.

In honor of Martin Luther King Day, Bon Jovi, in partnership with New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy and his Murphy Family Foundation, fed all federal workers and their families for free at JBJ Soul Kitchen.

And they are not the only ones. Chef José Andrés has organized #ChefsForFeds who are partnering with restaurants, kitchens and food trucks across the nation to try and keep federal employees fed.

I focused on JBJ because I think he’s adorable, and compassionate, and that’s a winning combination.

Spike Lee has been making movies for over thirty years now … She’s Gotta Have It, Do The Right Thing, Malcom X, School Daze Jungle Fever, Crooklyn, Mo’ Better Blues and BlacKkKlansman.

This year he was finally nominated for his first Oscar as Best Director for BlacKkKlansman.

It’s about damned time … and if you haven’t seen BlacKkKlansman, please do so, and if you can get through the last several minutes without crying, there’s something wrong with you.

Just sayin’.

And since we are talking awards, and awards shows, Grammy nominee Bebe Rexha—that’s her up there and over there—has come out to say that many fashion designers that she has reached out to for a dress to wear to the Grammys have told her they don’t dress ‘big girls’.

First thing … Bebe is a size 8; and even if she was a so-called big girl—fashion designer code for fat, I guess—who cares?

Not Bebe; she  took to Instagram to make it known that she’s got a few extra pounds on her and there’s nothing wrong with that at all:

“A lot of times artists will go and talk to designers, and they’ll make them custom dresses to walk the red carpet, right? You go to any big designer. I had my team hit out a lot of designers, and a lot of them do not want to dress me because I’m ‘too big.’ Literally, I’m ‘too big.'”

I say too bad to those designers with minds too narrow to see that Bebe’s a beautiful girl, and they could have gotten some free press by dressing her.

And maybe win the hearts of women everywhere who are a size 8 and above … which is most women in the world.

Finally … Hot Men!

Chris My-Husband-In-My-Head Pine is coming to TV next week in I Am The Night. Inspired by true events, it tells the story of Fauna Hodel, given away by her teenage birth mother, who begins to investigate the secrets to her past, and finds out she’s related to George Hodel, a Hollywood gynecologist connected to the legendary Black Dahlia murder.

But first there’s Chris … and then Justin Cornwell, and finally, Arlen Escarpeta, who probably won’t have his shirt off, but, hey, I can dream.

Also included in the cast is George Hodel’s actual home, the Sowden House, a Frank Lloyd Wright design … a kind of ancient Aztec temple in Hollywood.  

Gosh, hot men and an FLW home?

I’m in.