Why Is It ...

… that people don’t realize that my emotional baggage is basically the tough life experiences that have made me into the hilariously twisted empathetic sexy fuck that I am today.

… that my morning routine, every morning, is just convincing myself not to go back to bed.

… that people forget that I have quite the ability to multitask … I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time.

… that if you see me talking to myself, pay me no mind. I’m having a staff meeting.

… that when people tell me to take it down a notch it guarantees a five notch increase; do not ever try to de-notch me.

… that while I am not exactly sure what my spirit animal is, I’m confident it has rabies.

… that I wish I could Google search my own mind … ask it “what are my favorite movies” or “what’s the name of that place with the really good egg rolls.”

… that people need to know that, at this age, if I tell you I do not care, please believe me.

… that I feel the need to toot my own horn after making it through another day of not turning feelings into felonies.

… that people who aren’t from South Carolina don’t realize the average summertime temperature is a hundred-and-fuck-you.

Bobservations

I am a terrible person to buy gifts for because I really don’t want anything and when I need something, I get it myself. So, as my birthday approached—sidenote: thanks for all the birthday wishes yesterday—I told him I’d give him a clue, and here it is:

“The husband of a presidential candidate from last year wrote a book I would like to read.”

“What? Say it again?”

“The husband of a presidential candidate has written a book and I would like to read it.”

Cut to yesterday and there’s a gift on the table—a book—and I open it up to find that it was ‘Trust’ by Pete Buttigieg. I said to Carlos:

“I didn’t realize Pete had written a book … ”

“I thought it was the one you asked for.”

I said, again:

“The husband of a presidential candidate wrote a book …”

“Oh, Chasten?”

“Yes, Chasten.”

We went out for the day and stopped in at Book on Broad where he ordered the book. But. As he asked the shop owner about the book, I heard him say Chasten Buttigieg, and the shop owner said:

“Yes, I have it: ‘Trust.’ By Pete Buttigieg.”

So, it really wasn’t his bad, it was hers. Luckily, he, um, straightened her out.

Tuxedo is growing ever more annoyed by Republicans who think sedition isn’t impeachment worthy.

Traitor insurrectionist, and North Texas realtor, Jenna Ryan, the Private Jet Terrorist, has been kicked off PayPal for attempting to solicit donations for “legal fees and losses.” Ryan, who was arrested last week, asked her Twitter followers to help her pay her attorney’s fees:

“I am accepting donations to pay legal fees and losses due to my arrest and charges by the FBI.”

Well, no, honey, it’s due to your being an ignorant fool who thought you could take over the nation’s capitol. Ryan had raised just $1,000 when PayPal shut her down.

Oh, sorry. Not sorry.

Dr. Deborah Birx, the last administration’s coordinator of the Coronavirus Task Force is now saying that she disagreed often with the administration and their response to the virus even though she never said one single word until now.

When asked what her biggest mistake was during her time in the last administration, she wishes she’d been “more outspoken,” especially on the issue of COVID testing and drinking bleach and shining flashlights up our asses.

Too late, doc, you and your scarves are complicit. Now, go away.

Color me surprised but asshat FauxChristian Franklin Graham is standing up for bigot and homophobe, Aussie tennis legend, Margaret Court. One of the world’s greatest women’s tennis players, Court will receive the Companion in the General Division of the Order of Australia (AC), the highest category of honor awarded as part of Australia Day.

This is the same woman who has maintained that being gay is the work "of the devil" and has also compared it to Hitler. And so, these FauxChristians, who spew hate stick together; one getting as national honor, and one propping her up.

They can both fuck all the way off. God is watching and she is not happy.

At the same time, however, up here in America, President Biden signed an executive order overturning the former administration’s ban on transgender Americans serving in the military. The ban, which allowed the military to bar openly transgender recruits and discharge people for not living as their sex assigned at birth, affected up to 15,000 service members.

Biden said that the last thing America needs is to deny any American their right to serve their country.

It is a new day.

The great Cloris Leachman passed away this week at the age of 94. A brilliant actress and comedian and human being, she was feisty and outspoken and just plain fabulous. From The Last Picture Show through the Mary Tyler Moore Shoe and on into Young Frankenstein and beyond, she was brilliant.

RIP And thank you.

Republican Senator Rob Portman announced that he will not seek a third term in 2022. He blames his decision on the schism in the GOP between the old guard Republicans and the MAGAts and Proud Boy  and QAnon of today.

Portman will be around, however, to vote on the impeachment of the last president and has said that “as a juror, I’m going to listen to both sides. That’s my job.”

Portman is one of the few in the GOP to blame the last president for the Capitol riot.

It was just a couple of years ago that North Carolina was at the center of one of those Bathroom Ban initiatives, to deny trans people the right to use the bathroom of the gender with which they identify. But that was then … when the GOP ruled the state, and this is now, with Democrats in the statehouse.

But now, three North Carolina municipalities—Hillsborough, Carrboro and Chapel Hill—have passed ordinances protecting the LGBTQ+ community from discrimination. These new non-discrimination ordinances are the first in the state since a provision, put in place by the GOP in 2016, in a state law barring such measures expired in December.

And now, four years later, Republican Senate Leader Phil Berger, says the party won’t do a thing about the new ordinances because, ahem, he and his party have more important items on their mind.

Or maybe they realize anti-LGBTQ+ bigotry is on the way out in North Carolina.

Add Google to the growing list of companies will not make contributions from its PAC during this election cycle for any member of Congress who voted against certifying the results of the presidential election, following the deadly Capitol riot.

Microsoft has paused its PAC contributions as well. It will decide by February 15, after soliciting employee feedback, about whether to continue stopping donations to members of Congress who voted against certifying the election results.

Good.

Saverio Pescucci, a self-described “super chill, friendly, gay, Covid responsible” New York City ballet dancer is going viral after posting a thirsty apartment search ad in a popular Facebook group.

As part of his Brooklyn or Manhattan room search, Pescucci posted on the 284,800-member Gypsy Housing group on Facebook, and included a handful of photos of himself, in all his sexy glory, to spur interest. His post, naturally, went viral, with almost 1,000 likes and more than 400 comments.

And, Pescucci has found a room to rent, though, sadly, it’s not the one he was offered here in South Carolina.

Just sayin’.

The Funny Papers

Kevin Siers, John Cole, Nick Anderson, Jim Morin, David Fitzsimmons, Bill Schorr, Michael de Adder, David Horsey, Clay Bennett, Bob Gorrell, Mike Luckovich

First Dumb [Ginger McGuire] And Now Dumber [Lauren Rosenberg]

Y'all remember the story from the other day? About Ginger McGuire? The dimwit who fell asleep on a plane and got locked in and is now suing the airline for false imprisonment? That dimwit?

Turns out we have another one.

Lauren Rosenberg, a California woman, is suing Google after she was hit by a car while following directions provided by Google Maps on her cell phone.

Lauren Rosenberg says that the Google Maps BlackBerry application told her to use Deer Valley Drive--a highway also known as Utah State Route 224--to walk from one Park City address to another.

But, and this is where Lauren Rosenberg should have put down her BlackBerry and opened her damned eyes, the Google directions did not tell her that there were no sidewalks along Deer Valley Drive, which, Lauren Rosenberg claims, caused her to be struck by a car.

Because her phone didn't tell her that she wasn't on a sidewalk.

According to the complaint filed in Park County district court: "As a direct and proximate cause of Defendant Google's careless, reckless and negligent providing of unsafe directions, Plaintiff Lauren Rosenberg was led onto a dangerous highway, and was thereby stricken by a motor vehicle, causing her to suffer severe permanent physical, emotional and mental injuries."

Not to mention that she wasn't looking where she was going.

Lauren Rosenberg is asking Google to pay all of her medical expenses in addition to punitive damages and loss of earnings. But, because Lauren Rosenberg apparently likes to sue as much as she likes to rely on a cell phone to tell her there are sidewalks, she is also suing the driver of the vehicle.

Now, to be fair, Google Maps does warn users about walking directions on its version for computers--"Walking directions are in beta. Use caution--This route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths"--but the mobile version of Google Maps does not come with the warning.

But, um, shouldn't Lauren Rosenberg have come with a warning? Like: this woman is an idiot. Stand back at least ten feet.

Seriously. I think Lauren Rosenberg and Ginger McGuire ought to get together and discuss which one is dumber. That conversation ought to keep them busy for years.

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