I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Ten years ago, Daniel Radcliffe, AKA Harry Potter, said goodbye to alcohol and committed to a sober life. He was just twenty at the time. Now thirty, he is laying the blame for being a drunk at the feet of … Harry Potter:

“If I went out and if I got drunk, I’d suddenly be aware of there being interest in that because it’s not just a drunk guy. It’s ‘Oh, Harry Potter’s getting drunk in the bar.' It’s inherently funny for people.”

Well, that might be true, but then that would presume that every celebrity who is most well-known for one role would be out getting drunk; but only people with a proclivity for alcoholism are getting drunk and blaming it on a role they played. And then he blamed being a child star:

“They are by that point the breadwinner for their family. So multiple people are now reliant on them continuing to do this job and they feel pressured into it and forced into it.”

Again, though, Dan, I need to disagree, because you are again presupposing that it’s a situation that makes you a drunk—being a child star, in this case—and not your own choices, or your own genetics.

I mean, if being a child star meant you’d turn out to be a drug-addled drunk in public bar hopping loon please explain how Lindsay Lohan stayed sober all these years … or Dana Plato … Dustin Diamond … Amanda Bynes …

Oh, wait, maybe he’s right because … nope, Neil Patrick Harris … Joseph Gordon-Levitt … Natalie Portman … or even Daniel’s Potter co-star Emma Watson. They turned out fine.

So, I’m glad you’re sober Dan, but it wasn’t Potter and it wasn’t child stardom.

It was you.

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And speaking of celebrities at a loss for how the real world works … Gwyneth Paltrow.

Last week, the GOOP Instagram account posted a photo of Paltrow’s $1,000.00 outfit, with the caption: 

“Most days you’ll find GP wearing G.Label with a pair of sneakers—which is one reason we make it an annual tradition to put together a fresh sneaker guide each year. Get ready to cover some serious ground (run, don’t walk).”

 Yes, Paltrow wants y’all to run out and drop a grand on her ugly ass clothes and tennis shows that you can wear while you self-isolate.

And because Paltrow is tone deaf and privileged and unaware of the outside world if it doesn’t feature her, Twitter and Instagram dragged her and GOOP so hard and so long that she was forced to delete the post.

And replaced it with one about working at home without the need for a $1,000 outfit you can get at Walmart or Target for about $30.

Oh, Gwynnie, as we say herein the south: Bless your heart.

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Last we heard about Brandi Glanville, ex-member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she was engaged in a lesbian affair with RHoBH’s Denise Richards—even though now they both deny there was any muff diving.

So, what’s Brandi to do? Talk about the men who’ve schtupped her. Yes, the woman who became famous because her husband, Eddie Cibrian, was cheating on her with LeAnn Rimes, and rode that story to a “career” in reality TV, is now dishing the dirt about dick.

Recently on the Everything Iconic podcast, Brandi talked about her famous, er, infamous, f**ks, besides Gerard Butler:

“I dated a lot, I made out a lot. I made out with one of the men in ‘The Notebook.’ They were single at the time, that’s all I will say. I can’t say [who].”

And we’ll stop, because clearly it wasn’t Ryan Gosling, because if it was, she’d be shrieking it from a rooftop somewhere near Gosling’s home, so it must have been Billy Connolly, the guy in The Notebook who wasn’t Ryan Gosling. And there’s more:

“I dated Ben Stiller for a little while, he has a giant penis.”

Well, to be fair, Ben did admit on Watch What Happens Live  that he and Brandi went on a couple dates before he was married, and it was “fun”. But Brandi is also insisting that she went out with two of the Friends … but not Chandler Bing:

“We went back to [Matt LeBlanc’s] house, he let his dog lick his ice cream and I was out. I was like, ‘Nope.’ I was totally gonna have sex with him, then the dog licked the ice cream and he licked the ice cream and I was like, ‘I can’t.’”

So, she set her sights on Schwimmer, David Schwimmer:

“He wore makeup. He wore concealer out during the day and it really annoyed me. I understand you’re on set, you’re used to wearing makeup, but I wasn’t used to a man wearing makeup. In the moment, it bothered me.”

Brandi also claims Schwimmer called her a “bigger girl,” even though she only weighed “like 109 pounds.”

Keep in mind, now, that the woman who cried adultery when her husband cheated, clearly did a little cheating herself; and keep in mind that, with the exception of Stiller, who begrudgingly admitted to a “date,” and LeBlanc, who has said not one word about Brandi, that David Schwimmer says she’s clearly lying, and Gerard Butler, when asked about a Glanville hook-up went all Mariah Carey and said:

“Who?”

She isn’t that memorable.

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Britney Spears may screech about working, bitch, she wants y’all to know that she’s done with it.

Apparently BritBrit no longer wants to work because she doesn’t want to continue keeping herself under the conservatorship of her father and earning him any more coins.Britney resents the fact that her dad is given a $10,000 monthly allowance for her finances.

Look., here’s my take: she’s a terrible singer, and a so-so entertainer, and has a history of instability, so if she wants to stay home with her 26-year-old boyfriend, Sam Asghari, I say:

“Work that, bitch.”

I would.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Sorry, not sorry. It appears that sexual predator, and former CBS chairman, Les Mooves will not be receiving his $120 million severance package after all.

In September, after all those misconduct allegations against him, Moonves stepped down, thinking he would be living high on the hog on a $120 million severance package. But not so fast, said the Eye, who decided that  the evidence was too damaging and there’d be no more coins for Moonves:

“The Board of Directors of CBS has completed its investigation of former Chairman and CEO Leslie Moonves, CBS News, and cultural issues at CBS. With regard to Mr. Moonves, we have determined that there are grounds to terminate for cause, including his willful and material misfeasance, violation of Company policies and breach of his employment contract, as well as his willful failure to cooperate fully with the Company’s investigation. Mr. Moonves will not receive any severance payment from the Company.”

Naturally, with his Pervert Panties in a bunch, Moonves is thinking of suing, but then every single salacious detail and accusation will come out … which is good for this here weekly posting spot!

I guess maybe Julie Chen Moonves should have thought twice before quitting The Talk since it’ll be a while before anyone wants to hire Moonves …unless it’s a strip club. Of course, rather than host Big Brother she could become a houseguest and hope to win those coins.

Either way, sorry; not sorry.

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Oh CBS! Another one? Charlie Rose is out for being handsy, and Les Moonves quit because he’s rapey? And now Michael Weatherly, star of CBS’ Bull?

Apparently actress Eliza Dushku was written off Bull after complaining that Weatherly, and others, made sexual comments toward her. And apparently it was true, because CBS paid Dushku $9.5 million—what she’d have made if she stayed on the show—to go quietly. But the New York Times discovered Dushku’s pay-off while looking into the sexual harassment accusations against Les Moonves and now we know ….Dushku says things started good, but then Weatherly became pervy, saying things like “Here comes legs” when she walked on the set: or saying, in front of the cast and crew, that he was going to bend her over and spank her; or, when Dushku held up three fingers while shooting a scene, suggesting a threesome with Weatherly and another actor; or, while shooting a scene in a van, saying he wanted to take her to his “rape van”.

Weatherly claims the spanking comment was an ad-lib on a Cary Grant line, and that the “rape van” suggestion was a joke, but Dushku says Weatherly’s actions lead to crew members to follow his lead.  So, she took her complaints to Bull producer Glenn Gordon Caron, after which she agreed to speak with Weatherly. That same day, she told her agents that she had a feeling she was going to get fired.

And she was; even though Caron had wanted to expand her character, he suddenly announced that he didn’t know how to write her into the show anymore. Dushku was going to sue, but CBS offered mediation, and when Mark Engstrom, chief compliance officer for CBS, brought along a series of outtakes to mediation showing Dushku swearing on the set, as though that was grounds for her termination, he apparently didn’t realize is that those same outtakes showed the inappropriate behavior of Weatherly. And that’s when CBS paid her over $9 million, roughly the amount she’d have made if she hadn’t been fired.

Michael Weatherly stammered out this statement:

“During the course of taping our show, I made some jokes mocking some lines in the script. When Eliza told me that she wasn’t comfortable with my language and attempt at humor, I was mortified to have offended her and immediately apologized. After reflecting on this further, I better understand that what I said was both not funny and not appropriate and I am sorry and regret the pain this caused Eliza.”

So, Michael Weatherly admits to being pervy because he thinks pervy is funny, and he gets to keep his job?

CBS? You better start cleaning house before you become known as the sexual harassment network.

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Speaking of pervs … Harvey Weinstein, the poster asshat for sexual predators, has dragged Jennifer Lawrence into the mix, claiming he had sex with her, while ALLEGEDLY attempting to rape a woman who has now filed a lawsuit against him. 

The woman—known in documents as Jane Doe—filed suit against Weinstein claiming that during a business meeting, when she went to restroom, Weinstein walked in on her, dropped his pants, exposed himself and said:

 “My d**k is nice and hard for you. Do you like my d**k?”

Doe rejected his advance, but Weinstein moved closer, masturbating, then ejaculating on her skirt. Once he was finished, he promised her everything would be okay, as long as they remained friends.  Jane Doe ran into him again, and while offering to get her into his movies, he took her hand and placed it on his erection. In New York, she claims Harvey, while dangling promises of work, kneeled in front of her and forcibly performed oral sex on her, while claiming:

“I slept with Jennifer Lawrence and look where she is; she has just won an Oscar.”

And that’s what embarrasses Harvey the most; so much so that his spokesperson issued a denial:

“Mr. Weinstein is embarrassed for Ms. Lawrence with whom he has only had a professional and respectful relationship, who has sadly been dragged into this ugly attempt at defamation. This filing further proves that anyone can say whatever they want in a lawsuit for maximum shock value, to defame and debase, without having to offer any facts or reality.”

Lawrence released her own statement:

“My heart breaks for all the women who were victimized by Harvey Weinstein. I have never had anything but a professional relationship with him. This is yet another example of the predatory tactics and lies that he engaged in to lure countless women.”

Seriously, Harvey? You need some severe prison time, and perhaps a shot at being Bubba’s bitch.

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Let’s move away from the pervs, and take a look at people who don’t pay their taxes. M’kay, Shakira?

The Spanish Tax Authority claims Shakira owes them over $16.3 million in back taxes. How much money did she make to owe $16 million in taxes? But I digress because Shakira’s excuse is everything …

Shakira claims she was not a resident of Spain between 2012-2015, but in fact lived in the Bahamas, which is considered a “friendly-tax” nation. Shakira officially changed her residence to Spain in 2015, but the government wants their cash for those other years and says Shakira needs to prove that she didn’t stay in Spain for a day over six months each year to avoid paying taxes.

And therein lies the rub; since Shakira has been living with Spanish footballer Gerard Piqué and having his babies since 2010 and the tax authority can prove that she didn’t set foot in the Bahamas for any of those years.

Oh, Shakira, just pay up, because while your hips don’t lie, it seems that your lips do.

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I usually need a palate cleanser at the end of Bobservations, but after Moonves, Weinstein and Weatherly, I’ll take one now.

Sam Asghari and Britney Spears have been dating for two years now, and recently, while having a Q&A with his “fans,” someone asked Sam to pick between Britney and Christina Aguilera. And Sam totally Mariah Carey’d the question by replying:

“Christina who?”

The post has since been taken down.

Yeah, I know it’s not much of a story, but it gave me the chance to post some pictures of Sam Asghari, and, well, I’m shallow like that.

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It's Snarkurday!

Oh, the Racism Valet stories continue to happen, and not just to black people in parks, or stores, or Starbucks, but to celebrities at their own homes.

Apparently Ving Rhames was minding his own business, entering his own home, when one of his white neighbors saw him and called the police.

Seriously. Rhames had arrived at his home, earlier this year, and heard a knock at the door and, well, he’ll tell you:

“I open the door and there is a red dot pointed at my face from a 9-mm, and they say, ‘Put up your hands.’ Literally.”

He was removed from his own home and taken outside where the situation could have gotten worse but for the fact that one police officer recognized him … not as an actor, but as a parent with a son who played basketball at Rhame’s son’s rival high school. And that’s what scared Rhames most of all:

“What if it was my son and he had a video game remote or something, and you thought it was a gun. Just like, I don’t know, Trayvon had a bag of Skittles.”

According to police, one of Rhames’ neighbors called 911 to report a “large black man” breaking into the actor’s home, except the large black man owned the mother**king home; and when police escorted Rhames to the neighbor’s house to clear things up, she denied even placing the call.

Bitch, please. Someone could have been hurt, or worse, because this woman saw a scary black man, once again, going into his own home!

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Rumor has it that Britney Spears and her boyfriend Sam Asghari are about to get hitched, making him the third Mr. Spears …after KFed and that drunk guy she married in Vegas for two days before having it annulled.

‘I don’t really care about this story other than I get to post a picture of Sam Asghari.

Yum.

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No good can come of this, but apparently one Tiffany _____, the daughter the president never mentions, has a new BFF in one jailbird named Lindsay Lohan.

The two were spotted in Mykonos together where Lohan was helping Tiffany fix her ponytail.

Of course, Lohan apparently has a new reality show for MTV about the “club” she opened in Mykonos, so maybe Tiffany, the aspiring pop star or Georgetown law student, depending on who you ask, was making a guest appearance.

Hot messes.

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Speaking of that family, and I don’t mean the Lohan’s, I mean the other one, rumor has it that Junior’s new side-piece, Kimberly Guilfoyle was let go from her “position” at Fox News for being a terrorist.

Now, Kimberly’s team is trying to make it seem like she left because she wanted to campaign with the _____’s, but a source said she didn’t leave Fox News on her own. The network reportedly launched a year-long investigation into what Kimberly was up to and found that she had a habit of showing dick pics—wait, does she have a dick?—to her co-workers, talked about her sex life with Oil Slick Jr. and emotionally abused the hair and makeup people … which may explain her appearance.

Wow, she sounds like a perfect _____. Except she’s a dick pic’er, not a pussy groper.

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So, the Countess Drunkess Luann de Lesseps will serve absolutely no jail time for having sex in the wrong hotel room, being a belligerent drunk in public, assaulting a police officer, threatening to murder a police officer and for recording Money Can’t Buy You Class … a “song” that was accused of murdering the ear drums of countless people around the globe.

She got the “Lohan Treatment” and was and sentenced to probation and a few hours of community service in which she will search the internet for all signs of her music and have it scrubbed. Before all that could be accomplished, though, Luann checked herself back into rehab because Money Can Buy You Vodka.

Y’all remember that Skinny Girl Frankel released a statement on Luann’s return to treatment, but apparently, she spoke to soon, because after just a few weeks, Luann has released herself and left rehab. She will return to the cabaret circuit and continue her one-woman show where she destroys the hearing of entire audiences and seek treatment on an out-patient basis …as in the patient is out in a bar.

Just sayin’.

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Oh, the horror! Another rich white person wants y’all to know that being rich and white and on Fox News is hurting their lives.

First, we had Alan Dershowitz claiming that being shunned at Martha’s Vineyard parties because he wrote a book about not impeaching _____ was akin to McCarthyism and a major civil rights issue, but now one Melissa Francis, an on-air “talent” for Fox Business, has stepped forward to tell her tale of woe.

Francis blonde and interviews Republicans, so it’s hard to figure out which one she is on Fox, but she is a proud _____-supporting fool and sis now suffering the consequences.

Francis recently took to Twitter to accuse her local country club of shunning her family, suggesting she was targeted because of her political views. Francis claims that even though she’s a member of Siwanoy, a posh Bronxville, New York establishment, she can’t get a table there for dinner:

“We are member of Siwanoy Bronxville but somehow, they can’t fit us in for dinner. Repeatedly. I’m sure it’s a coincidence and not something more. Right?”

Francis concluded with several hashtags:

“#Never_____ers #cnn #HillaryForever?”

I don’t get the CNN hashtag, or the Hillary Forever one, but, yeah, Never _____ers? Serves you right. Maybe she and Colonel Sarah Huckleberry Sanders can head down to the Chic-fil-A and share a basket of wings?

Seriously, Ving Rhames is getting the police called on him because he’s black and owns a home and this privileged whit b*tch is complaining because she can’t get a table at her country club?

Take a seat you entitled cow.

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Random Musings

You know he loves to put his name on things, but this is ridiculous.

While Donald _____ is touring America to thank the people who voted for him—roughly 3 million less than voted for Hillary—he has issued a new gift from his “Thank You Tour”: the party cup.

A typically disposable item—Walmart sells them in bulk, 50 for $6.27 or 13-cents each—_____ is charging $23.00 for a pack of four! And they look like those iconic red SOLO cups seen at teen parties and frat houses everywhere they are not exactly reusable, though they come with a “hand wash only” disclaimer.

Would that we could wash our hands of _____.

At any rate, I prefer to think of it as the I Voted For The Racist Bigoted Anti-Immigrant Anti-Muslim Anti-LGBT Unqualified Misogynist Guy And All I Got Was a $6.00 Plastic Cup cup.

Still, if you’re looking for some _____ merch, look no further than Vancouver entrepreneurs, Matthew Paish and Sarbjit Gill, who were stunned at the _____ election, and so they created a pair of “undies for humanity” called The Protest Pair that they’re funding through Kickstarter.

The underwear features a buffoon yelling into the abyss, holding a megaphone in his teeny-tiny hands. “Blah blah blah blah blah” is written all over to represent his tweets. There’s also a horizontal fly thoughtfully placed over Mr. Trump’s mouth for easy access when nature calls.

While I find it high-larious, I do not want _____’s mouth, even a cartoon _____’s mouth anywhere near my junk. Still, they are funny ...

Sári ‘Zsa Zsa’ Gábor Belge Hilton Sanders Hutner Cosden Ryan O’Hara de Alba von Anhalt died at what was presumed to be 99 years old this week.

That is all, darrrrrrrlings

Britney Spears has a new boyfriend, ALLEGEDLY, and he is ALLEGEDLY a model—he appeared in a BritBrit video—and a personal trainer named Sam Asghari.

Whatever he does for a living she is one lucky bitch.

Last week, after running several errands, Carlos and I stopped in at our local pizza place to get some take-out. Since it was Friday night, the place was busy and so we took a spot in line.

In front of me was a little person and when it was his turn he stepped up to the counter to order. He asked for a pizza and some salads, I think, and then he asked for an order of fries; the woman at the counter said:

“Small fry.”

Now, I am so politically incorrect that I stifled a giggle. I kept thinking about an episode of Will and Grace when, at Karen’s wedding to Lyle Finster—and, yes,  I am a whore for W&G—Jack looked at a plate of seafood and said, “Shrimp.”

And Beverley Leslie, who was walking by and is rather short, tuned back and said, “Queer.”

That’s what I was thinking about the little person and the small fry.

That’s just me. Now, to be fair, and clear, I didn’t laugh inside the pizza place, I maintained my composure until I got to the car. And then I had to explain to Carlos the two meanings of ‘small fry.’

So, apparently Tom Arnold has video of Donald _____ suing the n-word during The Apprentice.

Quelle surprise, _____ is a racist? But Arnold had previously said he wouldn’t release the tape, but now he’s rethinking that idea because he says he received a voicemail from _____’s team threatening a defamation lawsuit over his claims that he has seen the rumored tape on racist _____.

Sit down, Arnold, you should have released this hate speech before the election, and you’re only talking now because you’re a nobody looking for another fifteen minutes of fame.

We know _____'s a racist; racists voted for him so they won’t care that he used the n-word.

Sit.Down.

Carlos and I decided that we wouldn't do gifts this year because we had a a major, major, expense in the car repair department and we are ready to rip out the carpets and lay down some hard woods ... in the house,. I mean.

So, we opted to make New Floors our Christmas gift this year, but then I saw a couple of things Carlos needed and one thing he didn't know he needed until he sees it Christmas Day so I bought those for him.

And then I saw something I wanted ... a living doll.

Fingers crossed he gets the hint!

So, after Pat McCrory passed North Carolina’s Hate Bill—HB2—into law and after it cost him reelection, North Carolina Republican lawmakers decided to the anti-LGBT law, except ... their plan does not entirely repeal HB2.

Their new bill—SB4—does repeal HB2, including its restrictions mandating what bathrooms transgender people may use, but it also creates a “Six-Month Cooling-Off Period,” in which no municipality in the state may pass any laws related to employment or public accommodations, specifically noting “access to restrooms, showers, or changing facilities.”

Sounds like a bait-and-switch to me, but then that’s the GOP, right? That’s another six months that LGBT people in Charlotte, and around the state, will have no explicit legal recourse at the state or local level if they experience discrimination in employment, housing, or public accommodations.

In the end, the NC Senate approved an amendment to the repeal bill extending the six-month moratorium on local protections until the end of the 2017 legislative session. In other words, the deal got worse, because North Carolina Republicans refuse to vote for a bill that will still allow cities to protect LGBT people from discrimination.

Hate lives on in North Carolina thanks to the GOP.

So, this week we got a Christmas card from my dad. It had the right street name, but the wrong house number; in fact, there is no house on this street with the number my dad used.

But we got the card anyway.

Now, was it because the card had our correct names on it? You know, first and last names? Nope, the card was addressed to ‘Bob and Carlos,’ no last names, but it wasn’t returned to the Post Office ... that's it up there ... because, living in a small town, the Postman knew that a Bob and Carlos lived at our address so he simply put it in the box.

Small towns do have their perks, like getting mail addressed to a couple of first names at the wrong address.

So, the Devil’s Helper, Kellyanne Conway was on GMA this morning calling _____ the "People's President."

Um, yeah, that means the "People's President" has a Cabinet whose net worth is hovering around $13 BILLION dollars. Not exactly the wealth of "the people."

Note to Kellyanne: While he may be the "Electoral College's President" it's clear that Hillary Clinton is the "People's President."

So, Kellyanne, again I ask you to sit the fuck down.