Snarky Thoughts

We all know Matthew Perry was a raging drug and alcohol addict while on Friends but we know more now because he’s written a book to tell us … like how he wished death upon Keanu Reeves. Perry was online bitch-slapped for the part in his memoir where he wonders why actors like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die too soon, but “Keanu Reeves still walks among us” and offered up some BS apology saying he just grabbed a name out of the sky and it turned out to be Keanu Reeves.

My Thought: Sorry, Matthew but why not say “And yet I still walk among you.” I mean after decades of rampant drug use and, in your own words, nearly $9,000,000 spent on rehab stays, you are lucky to still be walking, so, yeah, to paraphrase the immortal Chris Crocker, “Leave Keanu alone!”

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A year ago, all anyone could talk about was Adele’s long awaited fourth album, 30, and its first single. ‘Easy On Me.’ But then the second single was supposed to be ‘I Drink Wine’ … AKA My Personal Theme Song … and we got ‘Oh My God’ instead. Well, now ‘I Drink Wine’ was released Adele gave an interview where she said Taylor Swift is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation.

My Thought: Perhaps Adele should rename the song, ‘I Drank Too Much Wine And Spewed Some Shiz.’

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Dame Judi Dench recently wrote an op-ed for The Sunday Times taking Netflix to task for ALLEGEDLY playing fast and loose with the facts on The Crown. And apparently she has that much power because Netflix has added a disclaimer to season five indicating that anything you might hear … like former Prince, now King, Charles, while still married to Diana,  telling his mistress Camilla that he wanted to be reincarnated as a tampon so he could live inside her … is a “fictional dramatization” of events that may or may not be true … even if you heard the words committed to tape for all the world to hear.

My Thought: Netflix backed down, but shaded Dame Judi by revealing that she was in talks to play The Queen Mother during the fifth Tampon Season but turned it down because she wasn’t getting as many coins as Imelda Staunton, who plays The Queen. The Queen Mother role then went to Marcia Warren, who had no issue with the paycheck.

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Big surprise … Gisele Bündchen  and Tom Brady’s marriage is over and has been for several weeks now as their lawyers have already hammered out a settlement and reached an agreement on property and custody of their two children. Gisele filed documents in Florida today and Tom sat on his hands and Boom! they’re done.

My Thought: How many minutes until Tom gets a twenty-something model on his arm because you know he’s all about the trophy!

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If you had Armie Hammer’s new career as “timeshare salesman” on your Hollywood Career Change Bingo Card, you are a winner. Yes, after Armie’s career died amid the accusation of being a cannibalistic sexaholic and the horrid box office of Death on the Nile, Hammer worked as a timeshare salesman in the Cayman Islands. Perhaps he needed the coins because, like Tori Spelling—wow, not even six degrees separate Tori and Armie—American Express says he’s been dodging a $67,000 credit card balance, and they’re taking him to court over it.

My Thought: Cannibalism doesn’t pay enough to pay the AMEX.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

As I mentioned in Bobservations Andy Cohen was a drunken raging mess on CNN’s New Year’s Eve show and spouting off about how Journey is ‘fake’ Journey without Steve Perry, and how Bill de Blasio is a terrible mayor, and how he loathes Ryan Seacrest.

Now, sober Andy “really” regrets slamming Seacrest and his New Year’s Eve viewers and ABC, though maybe that’s just the sober talking and the realization that the man he insulted is his BFF, Kelly Ripa’s, cohost on their morning show. A source explains the regret like this:

“Kelly likes Andy, but she adores Ryan. Andy is her friend, but Ryan is her work husband, he is family … What makes matters worse is that Kelly works for ABC. She is very loyal … [and] … calling ABC viewers ‘losers’ [as Cohen did] isn’t cool. One thing is for sure, it’s going to be very difficult to ever ask Andy to fill in on ABC next to Kelly the next time Ryan is off.”

And that’s where the truth comes out. Andy Cohen is jealous that Ryan is on the show with Kelly because Cohen desperately wanted that seat and didn’t get it, and after shot after shot after shot of tequila Cohen spewed his venom.

Um, Andy, you’ll never get the job now, and most likely will never be asked back on the show, unless Kelly and Ryan has an Andy Cohen Raging Drunk Mess Mea Culpa episode.

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Kim Kardastrophe, while she has no discernible talent, is quite adept at keeping her name in the media … either by dating serial dater Pete Davidson, who has dated Ariana Grande, actors Kate Beckinsale, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, and perhaps Miley Cyrus, among others … or this:

The ex-Missus West watched the new Spiderman film, No Way Home, in her home theater and then took to Instagram to post a series of spoilers about the film because, again, fame seeking whore.

Even more desperate is that Kardastrophe took photos of the screen and shared them to Instagram, revealing to her 273 million followers that … I will not tell you what she revealed, sparing those of you who haven’t seen it, or those of you, like me, who will watch it when it comes to TV and there’s nothing better on.

Kimmy soon realized what a fool she was and thought she could just hit delete, like she does to her marriages, and it would be like it never happened, except it did and social media followers were livid:

“I don’t even **king follow Kim kardashian and the one moment I decide to watch her stories on instagram she post literally THEE whole spoiler of spider man. I’ve never hated someone so much.”

“Nothing says privilege like getting a movie in your own private theatre and spoiling it for those of us who are trying to stay home and safe!”

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: Kim Kardastrophe and the whole Kardastrophe Klan, ruin everything.

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Of course, as thirsty for attention as Kim Kardastrophe is, no one is as thirsty for Kim Kardastrophe as one Kanye West. West has been begging Kimmy to take him back—even though he has been dating a series of women—and even went on a Kimmy Please Come Home rant while handing meals with the LA Mission on Thanksgiving because homeless people need to hear a multi-millionaire whine that his multi-millionaire wife is done with their marriage,

So, what does Kanye do now? He …wait for it, it’s so stalker-ish … bought a Hidden Hills estate right  across the street from Kim Kardastrophe’s Kastle. And he had the money to do so, because it was just last year that Kimmy paid Kanye $23 million to buy him out of the house.

And now they’re neighbors. Creepshow.

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I know you’ve heard that former Sex and the City co-star, former The Equalizer co-star, and former And Just Like That co-star, Chris Noth, has been having a rough end of 2021. Two women have come forward ALLEGING they were raped by Noth in 2004 and 2005, followed by Zoe Lister-Jones says Noth was drunk and creepy with her when she appeared on Law & Order, and a third woman ALLEGES Noth sexually assaulted her in 2010.

In the wake of the ALLEGATIONS, Noth finds himself out of work, though to be fair, And Just Like That killed him off before the story broke. And, after his character died on AJLT, while working out on a Peloton machine, Noth scored an ad campaign with the company, but that’s gone, too, as is his contract with talent agency, A3 Artists. The icing on the cake is that Noth’s SATC/AJLT former co-stars released a statement about the ALLEGATIONS:

"We are deeply saddened to hear the allegations against Chris Noth. We support the women who have come forward and shared their painful experiences. We know it must be a very difficult thing to do and we commend them for it."

They’re sad to hear about the allegations … they support the women … standard issue, until you find out SJP blew a gasket over the whole mess and is said to be livid about the story. Oh, not because Noth was ALLEGEDLY rape-y and sexually inappropriate with several women but because the ALLEGATIONS hurt SJP’s legacy as Carrie Bradshaw. Seriously. An insider, and it’s no doubt SJP’s BFF and henchman, the aforementioned raging drunk  Andy Cohen, who also attacked Kim Cattrall for refusing to do any more shows with SJP, says:

“She is fiercely protective of Carrie Bradshaw and livid that she and everyone else at the show has been put into this position. It is not about the money, but her legacy. Carrie was all about helping women and now, under her watch, women are saying that they have been hurt. She takes the power of being Carrie Bradshaw very seriously. With great power comes great responsibility and although SJP knows this is about him, not her, she feels like she has let everyone down.”

Let that sink in … ‘SJP knows this is about him, not her’ but she makes it about her.

For whom do I feel bad? The women who ALLEGE they were sexually assaulted by Chris Noth, or SJP?

Take a seat, Karen, or maybe it’s something else … It appears that perhaps And Just Like That will be a one-off and SJP has to blame someone and since Cattrall isn’t around, she’s ALLEGING positioning the blame to fall on Chris Noth for ruining her show.

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More Kimmy … Kim Kardastrophe has unfollowed Miley Cyrus on Instagram following the singer’s live New Year’s Eve special with Kim’s current for-media-only boyfriend, Pete Davidson, after it was revealed that Cyrus went to Davidson’s condo after their “Tonight Show” appearance … the same condo Kimmy was seen sneaking out of just last month.

The unfollowing on Instagram is the celebrity equivalent of two women taking off their hoops in an alley behind the club because one woman looked at the other’s boyfriend.

Of note … Kim is a 41-year-old woman and Miley is twelve years younger.

Grown assed woman.

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Nice news … it seems that Keanu Reeves donated a portion of his earnings from the original The Matrix movie to cancer research. Reeves  was paid some $10 million upfront for the 1999 film and earned another $35 million when the movie became a box office blockbuster, but … he donated 70% of the money—a whopping $31.5 million—to leukemia research.

Reeves’ younger sister, Kim, had been battling the disease for eight years at the time he made the donation, though she entered remission in 2001. And Keanu didn’t stop there … he also set up a nonprofit to raise money for research:

“I have a private foundation that’s been running for five or six years, and it helps aid a couple of children’s hospitals and cancer research. I don’t like to attach my name to it, I just let the foundation do what it does.”

And he does what he does, and all of these other folks should take a lesson.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Another story of those self-entitled asshats who don’t care about the rules, or anyone other than themselves … and it features one Keanu Reeves.

The Matrix 4 recently wrapped filming in Germany and wanted to have a fabulous wrap party, but the country was under a partial lockdown and large gatherings were prohibited, so the producers got around the lockdown by claiming the party was actually being filmed as part of the movie.

Keanu and his girlfriend, Alexandra Grant, were both in attendance, along with 200 other folks not wearing masks and not practicing social distancing. But hey, it was movie stars and why should they follow the rules or care if they’re endangering anyone else.

A spokeswoman for Studio Babelsberg, Bianca Makarewicz, said:

“According to the production, it was the last day of shooting. It was a celebration scene… Hygiene requirements were adhered to. The production deliberately put this shoot with many people involved at the end of the shoot.”

Except there was no filming going on … just superspreading.

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George Clooney really is quite the friend. And quite a dick, in my mind. This week Clooney confirmed an old rumor that, back in 2013, he gifted his 14 closest friends with $1 million each:

“I just thought basically if I get hit by a bus, they’re all in the will. So why the f**k am I waiting to get hit by a bus?”

A few years ago, Clooney’s business partner BFF, Rande Gerber, told the story of Clooney inviting 14 friends for dinner and then surprising each one with a suitcase containing $1 million in cash.

Clooney says now that when he decided to gift all those coins to his friends, he was single, aging and didn’t expect to have a family. Now he’s married and the father of 3-year-old twins.

I just wonder, though, how much better it might have been if Clooney had given $14 million to a charity or a hospital or AIDS research, instead of a group of buddies.

Sad.

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Man, Isaiah Washington can hold onto a grudge.

You might remember that back in 2007, Washington was fired from TV’s Grey’s Anatomy after calling costar T.R. Knight a homophobic slur during an on-set fight with another actor, Patrick Dempsey. Knight’s friend and costar, Katherine Heigl, defended him, and dragged Washington for filth, suggesting he should never be allowed to speak publicly.

And thirteen years later, Isaiah got bored and decided it was time to drag Heigl on Twitter:

“This woman once proclaimed that I should ‘never’ be allowed to speak publicly again. The world agreed with her proclamation back then and protested for my job and my head in 65 languages. I wish I was on Twitter in 2007, beause [sic] I will NEVER stop exercising my free speech.”

Isaiah furthered his attack against Katherine by answering responses from his fan, calling her a nobody, and even pulling producer Chandra Wilson into it:

“Your opinions are your own, but you are a fool, a liberal and misguided feminist to even try and defend this woman. You weren't there, so die on this hill, whoever you are. She could have cared less about her gay friend. Chandra Wilson knows all about that too.”

Katherine didn’t respond to Isaiah, but told a source—possibly Schmatherine Schmeigl—that she has no regrets about standing up for T.R. all those years ago:

“Katherine stood up for her close friend twice when Isaiah publicly outed him and called him a f—-t. That’s hate talk, not free speech. She is proud that she stood up for him. Katherine is and always will be an advocate and ally to the LGBTQ community.”

Nice how she props herself up, but then again, why not when someone crawls from the woodwork to rehash a thirteen-year-old argument.

Take a seat, Isaiah.

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Self-entitled one percenter, and college scam criminal, Mossimo Giannulli is just days away from checking into prison to serve out his five-month sentence. His wife, and co-conspirator, Lori Loughlin, is in prison right now, and she was said to have boosted her immune system so she wouldn’t get The COVID while in the slammer.

Mossimo, however, took a different approach and decided to go full on bald-headed, goateed serial criminal. He’s practicing his prison lingo, learning to shower without bending over, lifting weights, learning the difference between ‘shiv’ and ‘shank’ and reminding himself that, in the Big House, he’ll be known as Aunt Becky … Bubba’s main bitch.

Sorry, not sorry.

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It's Snarkurday!

Show of hands …who saw this coming?

While Khloé Kardastrophe and her philandering Baby Daddy, Tristan Thompson, were ALLEGEDLY making a go of it—for TV ratings, of course—rumor has it all is not well in the House of Fame-Whore and Serial Cheater.

A source—and you know it’s That Woman trying to rustle up some coins—says:

“Khloé and Tristan are fighting constantly. All the time. She doesn’t know how she’s going to rebuild trust in him …”

And we’ll stop; Khloe hooked up with a guy who left his pregnant girlfriend for her so why would she think he would remain faithful to her? I mean, c’mon, anyone could have seen this coming.

Jose Feliciano could have seen it.

Ray Charles could have seen it.

Stevie Wonder …I’ll stop.

Still, it’s sure to be a Very Special Episode of KUWTK when Khloe and Tristan implode, and ratings are what counts in that family.

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It seems like eons ago when Mariah Carey and her billionaire boyfriend broke up so she could date a backup dancer, but it’s only been since last year.

Certainly, it seems like Packer broke up with her because Mimi never turned down a check and a billionaire would have had tons of checks. And, to be sure, since he’d proposed to her and gave her a 35-carat diamond engagement ring—that cost some $190 million—you knew Mariah would find a way to keep it.

And she did, and she wore it all last year, even after the breakup and even after starting to date her new little man, but rumor has it she finally sold it … at a loss. And she seems to be playing off that substantial loss of coins as away of proving she’s letting go of the past because she sold a $10 million ring for a shade over 2 million.

Or, maybe she sold it because she needs the coins because, let’s face it, 2018 Mariah Carey is not nearly as popular, talented, reliable, able to perform as say, well, some earlier version of Mimi.

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I only post this story because I think Brody Jenner is hot, so here goes…

Brody Jenner is getting married; he and his fiancée Kaitlynn Carter have been together for four years and engaged for two. They haven’t announced the wedding date but ALLEGEDLY it’s very close and will take place where the couple got engaged: Nihi Sumba, Indonesia. But … Brody’s family, Caitlyn Jenner, Kylie and Kendall Jenner, who were invited, are not going.

Ouch. Caitlyn ALLEGEDLY has work commitments that have been set up for months and couldn’t be changed just for her son’s wedding, and Kylie and Kendall aren’t going because … they’re Kylie and Kendall and if That Woman couldn’t turn Brody’s wedding into a TV special so her girls could get paid, well … you know.

Still, rumor has it that Brody and Kendall-Kylie have grown estranged over the years—possibly because he doesn’t have a TV show—and there’s an ALLEGED rift between Brody and Caitlyn that goes back to when she married Kris, whom Brody blames for putting up a wall between Caitlyn and her non-Kardashian kids because, you know, again, they weren’t on television and she couldn’t make any money off them, so what use were they.

Gosh, that family, it’s an ugly gift that keeps on giving.

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Halle Berry and her third husband Olivier Martinez were married for two years. That’s long for Halle, but their divorce is taking even longer. Halle first filed for divorce back in October 2015 after months of rumors that the marriage was over.

Olivier then filed his own divorce papers, so Halle filed for divorce a second time because, well, she used fake names in her first filing and that made things messier.

In 2016, the courts sent a letter to Halle and Olivier telling them to make some moves on their divorce or it will be dismissed, and they’ll have to start over.

That was a year and a half ago, and nothing has been settled and now the unhappy couple was sent documents from the Superior Court of Los Angeles basically telling them to get this thing done.

Sheesh, even the judge wants this over, what’s taking so long?

Perhaps Halle’s holding out for the silver Anniversary of her divorce filing because it doesn’t look like she’ll ever get a Silver Wedding Anniversary.

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But …maybe Halle is ready to move on because she’s ALLEGEDLY found herself a new man … Keanu Reeves.

No. Seriously.

It ALLEGEDLY all began when Halle signed on for John Wick 3 a few months back and apparently got on really well with Keanu. And this time Halle’s picked a man who’s her age; Keanu is 53, and kinda dim-witted hot, while Halle is 51 and kinda hot, if you’re into that sort of thing, you know, women.

And now that they’re making movie magic together, or as much magic and the second sequel of a film I’ve never seen nor want to see, it’s been ALLEGED that the two are an item.

Still, as noted earlier, Halle hasn’t even divorced her third husband so the idea that she and Keanu will tie the knot is far-fetched, were it that it involved any other woman besides Halle Berry who has infamously said, at least twice, that she would never marry again.

But she’ll likely never divorce again either.

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Would You Hit It?

Keanu Reeves.

Actor, whoa, and always rumored to be gay, dude from The Matrix and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
And one simple question.

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or no.

The Gayest Oscar Show EVER!!!!!!

I love me some Oscar.

I'm a big gay Oscar show queen; it's like my Superbowl, so cut me some slack.

I love the wacky fashion and the inane rambling thank-you speeches; the things that happen that shouldn't; the things that should happen but don't.

And, well, it's just so gay.

And this year proves to be the gayest Oscars ever. With lots of man candy and gay heartthrobs on a show produced by a gay man, Adam Shankman.

It don't get much gayer, unless it's the Tony's.

Here are just some of my :::::Hot Flashes::::: for Sunday night:

Chris Pine

Bradley Cooper

Jake Gyllenhaal

Tom Ford

Keanu Reeves

Gerard Butler

Ryan Reynolds

Sam Worthington

Channing Tatum

And, for the younger gays, or the gays who like their mens younger, but legal:

Zac Efron

Taylor Lautner