I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

This past season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills saw the exit of fan favorite—and my personal BFF-In-My-Head—Lisa Vanderpump. But fear not, RHoBH fans, someone has stepped forward to say she would like to fill LVP’s stilettoes.

Tori Spelling. I know! Spelling recently sat down with Jenny McCarthy on her SiriusXM show to promote yet another reboot of BH90210 to say she’d be perfect for the RHoBH franchise. Yeah, maybe if they renamed it Brokeass Housewives Who Used To Live In Beverly Hills But Now Live In The Valley.

Take a seat, Tori. I’ll be the newest housewife on that show before they ever call you.

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Ever since Faye Dunaway played Joan Crawford I feel as if she’s been possessed by the former movie star. I mean, she’s turned into a raging diva and now she’s been fired from an upcoming Broadway show.

A one-woman show! They fired the only person in the cast! Dunaway was supposed to play Katharine Hepburn in the one-woman show Tea at Five and now she’s been let go, dumped, fired, canned because she couldn’t work well with others.

The producers announced that they have “terminated” their “relationship ” with Dunaway and there are loads of ALLEGED reasons … like the night Dunaway attacked crew members as they tried to put on her wig … like the night a performance was canceled because Dunaway slapped and threw things at crew members who were trying to put on her wig … like her constant tardiness … like her demand that no one wear white in rehearsals because it distracted her … like her rambling, angry voicemails to the creative team … like the photo shoot where she ALLEGEDLY fed her salad to the floor because she was trying to lose weight  and said the salad would be better on the floor than in her hand.

When Dunaway began to lose more and more weight, an assistant thought that it was due to her not taking her meds and producers called Actors’ Equity to see if it was “ethical” to put an actress in her state on stage every night; Actors’ Equity ruled that it was because she went on that night, but the crazy continued.

Dunaway refused to learn her lines and 98% of the script was fed to her through an earpiece … much like Crawford did in the last years of her career. And then came the full Mommie Dearest moment when she demanded that staffers at the Huntington Theater get down on their hands and knees and scrub the floor of her dressing room; she ALLEGEDLY threw mirrors, combs and boxes of hairpins at the staff of the theater and then pulled all the gray hairs out of that wig she couldn’t get into without help because she wanted to play a younger version of Hepburn than the playwright had written.

As I said, Possessed By Crawford. Maybe someone should write that play and then just let Faye run with it?

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We’ve all heard about what a diva Constance Wu has become, from throwing a TwitFit™ after learning that the show that made her a mediocre star, Fresh  Off The Boat, was renewed and now there’s talk that she was a menace on the set of  JLo’s newest movie bomb, Hustlers. Wu ALLEGEDLY demanded top billing over Lopez, who is not only the star of the dud, but a producer as well.

In fact, Wu was labeled a bigger diva than both JLo and her other co-star Cardi B.

Seriously, how much of a menace are you that people complain more about you than JLo or Cardi?

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For the past few years Mo’Nique has been waging a war against Oprah Winfrey, Lee Daniels and Tyler Perry for ALLEGEDLY being blackballed in Hollywood after winning an Oscar for Precious. She accused Daniels and Perry of treating her poorly and keeping her from getting work by calling her “difficult.” And while many thought her beef with Big O was Oprah not liking that Mo’Nique was speaking her mind, now comes the real tea: her anger comes from an interview Oprah did with her conniving family back in 2010.

Apparently Mo’Nique and her family do not get along, and she told this to Oprah after being approached by Winfrey’s show about having her brother Gerald Imes on for an interview. Mo’ has been vocal about the sexual abuse she suffered from Gerald as a child and declined to be a part of the interview. But then she learned that not only was Oprah having Imes on, but had also invited her parents and another brother to join the interview:

“Now the reason why that means so much is because in the conversation we had about my brother, we then went deeper and we began to talk about our relationships with our mothers and our fathers, and I shared my relationship with her about my mother. I shared with her that me and my mother were not talking. I shared with her that we were in a really bad place. I shared with her that I was hurt and trying to figure this thing out. She never said my mother was coming on the show, because had she, Oprah Winfrey, said ‘I’m going to have your mother,’ I would have said, ‘Shut it down.’ … I don’t need the world seeing how greedy my mother is.”

Mo’Nique’s husband/manager Sidney Hicks thought she should confront Oprah at the time, but she didn’t until.years later at an Oscar party hosted by Alfre Woodard:

“I looked to Oprah Winfrey and I said, ‘You know you and I need to have this conversation. Why would you have my mother on your show? … How could you have my mother on your show? That’s not what we discussed.’”

And Oprah, being so full of herself, and processed cheese, said:

“If you think I did something wrong, then I apologize.”

Not an apology, but a faux-pology; an O-pology, because Oprah can do no wrong in her own bloated head.

And so Mo’Nique will be carrying that grudge until she gets a public apology from Oprah. And it’ll be a cold day in Hell before Winfrey does that … unless her handlers refuse to give her any more second helpings.

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Not a good summer for Katy Perry and it makes me so sad … bwahahahahaha!

Perry found out she was on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars after it was revealed that she ripped off a Christian rock song for her song Dark Horse.

And then, Josh Kloss, one of the male models from one of Katy’s earliest hits, Teenage Dream, revealed that working with Perry, even all those years ago, was horrible and awkward and that Katy humiliated him by exposing his junk to people at a party. Josh took his Perry beef to Instagram:

“You know. After I met Katy, we sang a worship song, “open the eyes of my heart” She was cool and kind. When other people were around she was cold as ice even called the act of kissing me “gross” to the entire set while filming.

…

So I saw Katy a couple times after her break up with Russel [sic] This one time I brought a friend who was dying to meet her. It was Johny Wujek’s birthday party at moonlight roller way. And when I saw her, we hugged and she was still my crush. But as I turned to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis.

I just say this now because our culture is set on proving men of power are perverse. But females with power are just as disgusting.”

I was feeling bad for Josh, being treated like that by a hack like Katy Perry, but he lost me when he also claimed that … ick … Kim Kardastrophe and That Woman are much kinder people and deserve the Katy-stans support more than Katy does.

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Meanwhile, back to Joan Crawford 2.0, AKA Faye Dunaway.

After being fired from her one-woman show, Dunaway is also being sued by her former personal assistant, Michael Rocha, for the way she treated him.

Rocha, who is gay, says Dunaway berated him constantly, calling him “a little homosexual boy” and that when he complained, he was fired.

Rocha began working for Dunaway when she began working on Tea at Five and was tasked with shopping, helping Dunaway take her meds, arranging her schedule and getting her to and from rehearsals.

Rocha now ALLEGES that Dunaway “regularly and relentlessly subjected plaintiff to abusive demeaning tirades” and used his sexual orientation as a gay man to “demean and humiliate him at work.” He says Dunaway called him and other workers “little gay people” and later that month called him “a little homosexual boy.”

And he has her on tape saying it. Rocha reported it to the general manager and general counsel for the one-woman play, and gave them the tape of the offensive comment. Two weeks later he was told that Dunaway “is not comfortable with you anymore” and he was fired.

Luckily, perhaps, he got some sort of revenge, because a few weeks after his termination, the producers sent Faye Dunaway packing. And now she’ll have even fewer coins to offer up in Rocha’s lawsuit.

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It's Snarkurday!

Sarah Jessica Parker has been accused of a lot of things … she’s wound awfully tight … she can be a huge bitch … and she’s a snobby shoe saleswoman … but is she also … shades of Lohan … a jewel thief?

Maybe so; it seems SJP is being accused by jewelry brand Kat Florence Design of stealing accessories worth $149,501.96.  And you know they mean business because they nailed it down to the penny!

Kat Florence Design ALLEGES that Sarah borrowed some pieces from them in 2016 for after wearing the jewels in a photo shoot and never gave them back. They say SJP asked to “personally borrow several pieces of the jewelry to wear for a few months and then return all the pieces.” They agreed to two months and now it’s been two years that Parker has had the gems, so Kat Florence filed a lawsuit in April; the company’s attorney had this to say:

“It is our position in this case that after a photo shoot as part of the endorsement agreement, Ms. Parker requested that she could personally keep some of the pieces of the jewelry for a few months to wear personally. We agreed and documented what she had. This happened in March 2016. Over two years later, the jewelry was never returned to us. We believe that as Ms. Parker has kept the jewelry since 2016 that she should pay us for it.”

Well, SJP is shocked, shocked I say … or at least her attorney is because he said:

“This is just plain false. SJP was under contract to Kat Florence and was asked to keep the jewelry so that she could wear it on red carpets and other events when appropriate. Sarah Jessica Parker is as honest and trustworthy a person as anyone I have ever met. She has never and would never hold onto anything belonging to someone else. In fact, she has been asking ever since Kat Florence wrongfully stopped paying her to have the pieces returned, but Kat Florence didn’t seem terribly interested in getting them back.”

Um, ambulance chaser? They wouldn’t have asked for all their money back, to the penny, if they weren’t interested in getting it back; and what do you think they do, allow celebs to just take jewelry and wear it and never pay for it?

That’s some business model.

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This year’s New York Fashion Week, save for the Cardi B—the ‘B’ is for Brawl—fight with Nicki Minaj, was pretty dull as fashion weeks go, but there was another bit of drama.

Marc Jacobs normally gets to be NYFW’s big “closer” but this year the honor went to Rihanna’s Fenty show and it looked like Marc Jacobs ALLEGEDLY turned it into a pity petty party.

Jacobs’ runway show was set to start at 6PM but for some reason was delayed for ninety minutes, leading many to assume the designer was simply out to ruin Rihanna’s show. See, Jacobs shows typically run like clockwork, but this year, with Rihanna snagging the grand finale did Jacobs delay his Manhattan show so people wouldn’t be able to get to Rihanna’s Brooklyn show by its 7:30 PM start time?

Booth Moore, from the Hollywood Reporter, tweeted about Jacobs’ delay, sharing an image of some of the designer’s empty front-row seats as many in attendance, annoyed by the late start, beat feet to Rihanna’s gig. Still, many celebs stayed to await the late Marc Jacobs, including Nicki Minaj, Emily Ratajkowski, Sofia Coppola and Anna Wintour, although Nuclear Wintour was seen pacing and making phone calls before finally taking her seat as the show started.

Jacobs took to Instagram, as they do these days, to explain his tardiness:

“I sincerely apologize to anyone and everyone who was inconvenienced by my lateness at our Spring/Summer 2019 fashion show. For anyone interested, below is not a list of excuses but rather a list of facts. I fully understand people have plans, lives, commitments, flights, families to return to, etc and that I fully RESPECT …

1. The night before the show at midnight, I believed that we would absolutely be starting at 6pm, as planned and it was my intention to do so. 

2. At 3:30pm on the day of the show, I became aware that we would most likely be an hour late. In good faith and hope it was communicated that the show would start at 630pm and that was a mistake. 

3. After years of being beyond punctual and once again, with every intention of remaining so, the fact is, more is always expected from us with fewer and fewer resources. That is not unique to me personally or us as a company. I have learned that I need to adjust to our realities.

4. It was my wishful thinking that we could accomplish all that needed to be done for this show with the circumstances we faced. I was wrong. Not because everyone didn’t make every effort or give it their all and more, life is just that way sometimes. I’ve always been told that, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” With our shows, I always strive to present 7-10 minutes of live fashion theatre that hopefully makes some kind of statement or touch the audience in some way both aesthetically and emotionally. I think we all have to be a little more sensitive and flexible to the fragile state of the live experience. 

I hope anyone reading this will reflect on my thoughts as I have on yours. 
Sincerely and respectfully,

Marc”

Notice, though, that all his explanations never fully explained why he was late. My money is on the diva-ness of it all, given that he was always the closer and now that upstart Rihanna has taken his place.

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I’ve talked Les Moonves before, and what a pig he is to women in general, Janet Jackson, in particular, and now how much of a misogynistic pig he was to Linda Bloodworth Thomason.

She’s the creator of Designing Women, and was, for a time, one of the most powerful women in television. She had a great contract with CBS and lotsa support from CBS executives … until Moonves was made president. Now Bloodworth Thomason has written a piece for The Hollywood Reporter about how Moonves ruined her career because she’s a woman and he hates women:

“This is not the article you might be expecting about Les Moonves. It’s not going to be wise or inspiring. It’s going to be petty and punishing. In spite of my proper Southern mother’s admonition to always be gracious, I am all out of grace when it comes to Mr. Moonves. In fact, like a lot of women in Hollywood, I am happy to dance on his professional grave. And not just any dance — this will be the Macarena, the rumba, the cha-cha and the Moonwalk. You get the idea.”

In 1992, Bloodworth Thomason was given the largest writing and producing contract in the history of CBS for some $50 million. Designing Women was a huge hit for CBS and her Evening Shade was the best new comedy that year. She says CBS chairman Howard Stringer and president Jeff Sagansky attended several Designing Women tapings and had given her carte blanche to tackle any subject, including sexual harassment, domestic violence and pornography.

But by 1995, Stringer and Sagansky were gone and a Les Moonves had taken over. Bloodworth Thomason was producing a new pilot titled Fully Clothed Non-Dancing Women and was concerned how Moonves—a fan of titty bars, or so she’d heard—might feel about the show.

Well, the answer is the show never aired, and Bloodworth Thomason was out at CBS and would not work again for seven years. She ALLEGES Moonves waged against her, turning down every one of her scripts and refusing to allow any CBS-contracted actor to work with her, noting that both Bette Midler and Huey Lewis requested to work with her and were turned down by Moonves. She also ALLEGES that Moonves would not hire any actress who didn’t want to “f–k” and how he once told a popular actress that she was too old to be on his network … and then forcibly kissed the woman.

And she points out that, under Moonves, all the shows featuring and starring brash, funny women were scrapped in favor of male-dominated series.

“I just feel angry. The truth is, Les Moonves may never be punished in the way that he deserves. He will almost certainly never go to jail. And he has already made hundreds of millions of dollars during his highly successful and truly immoral, bullying, misogynist reign.”

Still, again, it’s nice to see the pig fall. And, jail or not, career or not, his legacy will be that of a pig.

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Kristin Davis is thirsty for work and clearly still nursing a grudge that Kim Cattrall nixed the idea of yet another sequel to Sex and the City because, to commemorate the 70th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, Davis posted a throwback photo of herself with her SATC co-stars … except Cattrall was not in the photo.

Davis chose a photo of herself, Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon at the 2004 ceremony; to be fair, Cattrall wasn’t cut out of the image, but while she was at the Emmys that year, and photographed with her co-stars, Davis skipped those pictures and went Cattrall-less.

Like I said, she’s thirsty for work …or another fifteen minutes.

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Faye Dunaway still can’t shake the Joan Crawford-ness of it all, decades after Mommie Dearest.

Last year, Faye “broke up” with her hairstylist because of a nasty spat over the bill and now she’s taken her drama to a new salon.

A source says the staff at the luxe Warren Tricomi salon have had it with Dunaway getting snippy with them. They say on one day, she changed her appointment ten different times, and then finally announced that she was ready and demanded service. When managers told her that she cannot order the staff around, Dunaway Reese Witherspoon’ed them:

“Do you know who I am? I am Faye Dunaway!”

In addition, Faye brings her infamous food scale to appointments and measures out salad and other food, letting the excess drop where it will, and then demanding the staff clean up after her.

And while you may think this isn’t true, the salon’s owner, Edward Tricomi, told the newspapers:

“Faye is fine. I’ve known her 40 years or better. Look, everybody has their moments in time, but Faye is fine. She is not a problem.”

Not exactly a denial, though. And, when reporters called Dunaway for her take on the story, she hung up on them.

She’s Faye Dunaway! Dammit!!

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Woody Allen’s a pig, we all know that, but let’s offer up one more example.

It’s about who fathered Rona Farrow with Mia; if you ask Woody, he’ll say he’s the daddy. Mia says there is a “possibility” that she made Ronan with her ex-husband Frank Sinatra but both Sinatra’s widow and his daughter Tina said there was no way Ronan is a Sinatra. And if you ask Ronan, he jokes:

“Listen, we're all ‘possibly’ Frank Sinatra's son.”

Now, for why Woody is a pig, other than that whole sleeping with his adopted daughter mess … he says he considers Ronan to be his kid, but he wouldn’t be surprised if a DNA proved otherwise, but that news would piss him off because … wait for it … oink … oink … he’s spent so much money on Ronan:

“In my opinion, he’s my child. I think he is, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it. I paid for child support for him for his whole childhood, and I don’t think that’s very fair if he’s not mine.”

It sounds like the only one of Mia’s kids he has no regrets paying for is Soon-Yi.

Just sayin’.

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It's Snarkurday!

Kate del Castillo is the actress who accompanied Sean Penn to interview international drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán last year, but now Penn is trying to get Kate’s documentary about their trip—The Day I Met El Chapo: The Kate Del Castillo Story—removed from Netflix.  Why you ask? Perhaps it has something to do with del Castillo’s revelation that, right after meeting El Chapo, she and Penn banged because, you know, meeting a drug lord turns folks on:

“It was never a relationship. It was just business. And sex.”

In her documentary, del Castillo says she “fell” for Penn during their adventure, but Penn wants nothing to do with that storyline, and had one of his lawyers send a letter to Netflix saying “that blood will be on their hands if this film causes bodily harm.”

Wow. But they didn’t let the drama end there; Penn’s spokesman Mark Fabiani says:

“This is not about one person’s safety. These producers are propagating false and reckless fabrications for their profit. This is nothing but a cheap, National Enquirer-esque tale spun by a delusional person whose hunger for fame is both tawdry and transparent.”

Wait, so Sean Penn believes that people will die if this story stays out there; this story of him banging some D-list actress-documentarian? I mean, if every time Sean Penn banged an actress someone died, we’d all be dead by now. Am I right?

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Lock up your wives and daughters, sister and aunts, Harvey Weinstein is out of sex addiction rehab and he’s cured.

After one week at a posh rehab facility in Arizona for “sex addiction”—exposing himself to women, jacking off in front of women, grabbing women, climbing on women, attempting to rape women—the ladies now have nothing to worry about. After a quarter of a century of sexual harassment, of sexual assault, Harvey’s fixed himself.

Weinstein’s doctor—who may or may not be an unemployed actor looking for any kind of a break—says Harvey completed his one week of treatment for “psychological issues” and was ready to return to society fully cured.

Of course, when people began to question the validity of the One Week Cure, it was decided that Harvey will remain in Arizona for another month because “he doesn’t want excessive distractions and wants to continue working with his doctors.”

Oh, so it’s a Five Week Cure? Seriously; it’s classic white privilege because if Harvey Weinstein was a different color he’d have been in prison years ago.

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Someone check the video and get the police to confirm Taylor Swift’s alibi for where she was last Wednesday night because that was the night that, during Katy Perry’s concert in Nashville the shiz hit the fan.

It seems there was a bit of a malfunction junction at Perry’s show when, after performing “Thinking Of You,” Perry’s tie-dyed version Saturn got stuck in the air and she couldn’t get down; and Perry said:

“This is the first time I’ve been stuck in space! I know I’m kind of a space cadet, but actually, this thing is being stuck right now.”

No word yet on where Swifty was or why she was last seen carrying A Hello Kitty Tool-box.

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Oops!  Ewan McGregor has been caught kissing his “Fargo” co-star, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, in a London restaurant, and Ewan’s wife just might not be thrilled about it. It seems the 46-year-old father of four and the 32-year-old Winstead—who played his lover on the FX series—shared a passionate kiss at the Good Life Eatery and there are pictures to prove it.

Maybe this was Ewan’s of telling his wife their marriage was over because the Good Life Eatery is London’s version of LA’s Ivy, where celebrities go to be seen; it was at the Ivy during the height of their Bennifer-ness that Affleck and JLo often visited dressed to the nines and looking all lovey-dovey.

Perhaps, though, it’s all stuff and nonsense, because McGregor and his wife of 22 years, Eve Mavrakis, apparently called it quits in May but kept the news private, though they each posted photos to social media of themselves without their wedding rings on, which, you know, is the way of saying “It’s over.”

So maybe Ewan isn’t a cheater, maybe he just got a new love first except ... it was back in May, right about the time Fargo finished shooting that McGregor and his wife split, and that was the same time that Winstead announced her split from her husband of seven years, Riley Stearns.

Just sayin’.

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Gosh, Kathy Griffin will do anything for press.

This time she announced that she is firing celebrity attorney Lisa Bloom, who represented her after she held up a fake bloody head of _____, and stood by her side as she went rogue during a press conference. And in typical Griffin fashion she went all over social media to share the news that she fired her attorney:

“Dear @LisaBloom pls stop calling me. If you’d like to refund me the tens of thousands of $$ I wasted on your services maybe I’ll talk to you.”

Griffin ALLEGEDLY paid Bloom $40,000 to represent her for two days, most notably at that June press conference, where Griffin whined that she was the victim of bullying by the _____ family over that photograph. And of course, because this is two dimwits having a spat, Bloom lashed back with her own tweet in which she said in a lengthy statement that Griffin had reached out to her before the press conference:

“Her entire team (entertainment lawyer, criminal lawyer, and several others) approved in advance the statements she and I were going to make. Yet Kathy then during the press conference spontaneously chose to put aside the notes we had worked so hard on together. She said on camera ‘my notes are by the wayside and it’s all off the cuff’ and then ad libbed. I was sorry she made that choice but I respected her right to speak as she saw fit. She was, as she says, the widely panned for her comments. Now she blamed me.”

Of course she did, because Griffin does things and then blames everyone else for the repercussions.

She really needs to sit down.

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Faye Dunaway used to be a serious actress and was most often taken seriously ... then came Mommie Dearest and she either turned into a parody of Joan Crawford diva-ness, or else the diva-ness was already there and was only exacerbated by playing Christina’s axe-wielding mother. And now the weave workers at the Marie Robinson Salon in NYC have their own tale to tell.

Apparently Miss Dunaway believes she was overcharged for services rendered and went all wire-hanger on the salon when they presented her with a $3,000 bill and expected her, Miss Faye Dunaway, to pay full price!

“She claimed she didn’t know it was that expensive and then said, ‘I’m not paying that. I can’t believe how expensive this is. I’m only paying half!’… they took her half, but staff explained, ‘You’re going to have to pay the rest.’ And Faye stormed out screeching, ‘This is ridiculous!’ Everyone in the salon was aghast … Her hair looked great — so she should pay!”

Um, Faye, honey? Maybe when they began adding a full head of hair onto your head you might have pointed out you just wanted a retouch?

Dunaway is now doing damage control herself, telling Page Six:

“I’d prefer you not run [the story]. I’ve now paid the whole thing — but I will not be going back there because it is not the price they said it would be. So, I don’t know what to say to you except I didn’t throw a fit. I was just very alarmed at the amount they were charging me for the very small amount of hair work that they did.”

The salon said nothing; they just cashed the check before the stop payment went through.

Poor Faye; the two biggest highlights of her career are playing Joan Crawford so well that she started to think and act like her, and for blurting out the wrong Best Picture winner at this year’s Oscars.

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Last year Miles Teller did and interview with   Esquire in which the magazine called him “dickish.” And so he became the new Dickish Actor and is now telling us that it’s bothered him the whole time because ... oh, let’s have him tell it:

“I can’t put much weight into whether the public likes me because the more important thing is that, as an actor, I can truly say that there’s not a single director or actor who I’ve worked with who’d have a bad thing to say about me. I’ve never missed a day of work. I’ve never not known a line. ... I know the kind of brother I am. I know the kind of son I am. I’ve had the same friends since I was 14, 15. I’ve been with the same girl for four-and-a-half years. I have a dog. I know who I am, and it’s not who I was in that story.”

Wait, so he shows up to work on time, has a girlfriend and a dog and that makes him less dickish?

Try again, Miles.

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Oops, sexual harassment isn’t just a Hollywood problem; it’s everywhere, including the kitchen ...

New Orleans star chef John Besh is stepping down from his company, Besh Restaurant Group [BRG], after he and several of his colleagues were accused of sexual harassment. In a letter to restaurant staff, BRG announced that Besh was stepping down “from all aspects of operations . . . to provide his full focus on this family.”

Meaning he’s got some ‘splaining to do.

A lot, because there are some twenty-five woman who say that “several male co-workers and bosses [at BRG] touched female employees without consent, made suggestive comments about their appearance and—in a few cases—tried to leverage positions of authority for sex.”

One former employee claims she was pressured into a sexual relationship with Besh, though the married father says the affair was consensual ... which makes it okay ... ?

Seriously, men need to stop this shiz, and women need to speak up more.

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Eight years ago, The Weinstein Company announced they were working on a feature film about Judy Garland, based on the book Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland, and was supposed to star ... gulp ... Anne Hathaway.

Eight years later that project went nowhere until recently when it was announced that a different Judy Garland biopic will be made and will star ... double gulp ... Renee Zellweger. The movie will be called Judy and will focus on Judy Garland’s final sold-out concerts at The Talk of the Town in London in the late ’60s shortly before her death.

Seriously? Renee will be Judy? I mean, I know they don’t want an impersonator but that up there—before and after plastic surgery—is supposed to be Judy Mother-Effing Garland?

Even with her new face she ain’t no Judy. Zellweger ruins everything.

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It's Snarkurday!

So, earlier this week, former Happy Days and Joanie Loves Chachi star, Erin Moran died and Chachi himself, _____-supporter and all-around ass, Scott Baio basically said she deserved to die of an ALLEGED heroin overdose, because she had a drug and alcohol problem her whole life.

Actually, the problem was Moran died from cancer, but that didn’t stop Chachi from acting like a dick, and a tiny one, according to Moran’s brother, Tony Moran.

But first, once Baio learned the truth of Moran’s death, he went on Twitter to whine about how the Fake Media is making him the bad guy because he never knew Moran had cancer. Um, Scott, then shut your pie-hole if you don’t know what you’re talking about, m’kay?

But Tony Moran wasn’t having it, and went off on Baio on Twitter and Facebook:

“A special shout out to Scott Baio. I already went on Twitter about you. I hope it finds you. You and my lil sis had a very very brief fling. She dumped you. 2 reasons. 1. She told me that you were more like a lil girl and not a man. 2. She told me that you were tiny. Ya know. Barely a man in the man region. True story! Scott, I'd advise you to get on your knees and pray you never run into me.”

I say good on Tony for defending his sister and yet, even though that was good, he wasn’t finished with Baio after Baio’s wife, Renee came for Tony:

“Well guys. Guess what? I was contacted by Scott Baio's wife. His wife! Fucking coward! I've never met her. I do know the scumbag piece of shit Scott Baio tho. He was a piece of shit back then and still is. He had his wife contact me! Very apologetic and shit. Doesn't surprise me. It's too late you motherfucking pieces of shit! Go back under the rock you crawled out from under. There isn't one word I want to hear you speak. Makes me sick to my stomach.”

Here’s the deal: maybe Tony went a bit too far, but Scott Baio, and his wife, need to think before they speak, and not slam someone who has just died, because Erin Moran had a husband and a family she left behind and they don’t need Scott Baio’s tiny-dicked opinions about her.

No wonder he supported _____; tiny dicks stick together.

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Blake Lively is a fashionista; I mean, she went to Cannes last year with her husband, Ryan Reynolds—the best fashion accessory ever—and was photographed posing nearly every single day, and sometimes more than once a day, in a new outfit.

And she reveled in it, Tweeting the pictures, Instagramming the pictures. But, now, all of the sudden, Blake Lively doesn’t want to talk fashion even though she has had more fashion contracts than most A-list models: she’s been the face of Chanel handbags, Gucci and Michael Kors, for example.

When she was honored at Variety’s Power of Women event—Blake Lively? Power? Um, no—for getting a non-profit some time at a big conference she used the red carpet, where women wear great clothes and talk about them, to complain about being asked about her outfit:

“Really? At this event, you’re asking me about my outfit? Seriously…would you ask a man that? I’m here so we…become more aware, and that we change, and that we build (women up). So, you can ask me another question.” 

Had it been me asking the question, I would have been all:

“Um, okay ... why such a bitch, Blake? I mean, you’ve made a name for yourself by posing in fashion, being the face of fashion, and yet you don’t wanna talk about your fashion? Bye Felicia.”

Seriously, if Blake Lively weren’t Missus Ryan Reynolds she’d be asking me if I wanted my Starbucks for here or to-go.

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So, former Spice Girl Mel B and soon-to-be ex-husband, Stephen Belafonte’s divorce is really, really ugly. She has a pill problem ... ALLEGEDLY; he’s abusive ... ALLEGEDLY; he cheated on her with the nanny and got her pregnant and made Mel pay for an abortion ... ALLEGEDLY; she used to drug the nanny and force her into threesomes.

Not so ALLEGEDLY?

Yup ... Lorraine Gilles, the aforementioned nanny, filed a defamation lawsuit against Mel claiming that Scary Spice used to get her drunk and seduce her into group sex with her and the husband.  And, not to be outdone, Mel is counter-attacking that Stephen and Gilles are trying to blackmail her with sex tapes.

Gilles suit, though, is the best and dirtiest, because she claims to have had a sexual relationship with both Mel and Stephen over the last seven years.

Talk about spice, girl. Nanny sex; threesome sex; drunken sex.

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Another high profile divorce getting dirty is that of Mary J. Blige and Kendu Isaac.

Mary married Kendu Isaacs in 2003 and they split last year, when Mary filed for divorce and asked the court to deny his bid—$110,000 a month—for spousal support.

Since the pair have no children, the fight naturally turns to the coins, and Mary claims Kendu already spent any money he should get on his mistress ... who just happens to be Mary’s protégé, someone called Starshell, a much younger woman whom Blige took under her wing.

It’s ironic, all these old movies getting a reboot; Bradley Cooper is remaking A Star Is Born with Lady Gaga and Mary J. Blige is reliving All About Eve at home.

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You know you’re a drama queen when you have so much drama that it takes years to get through them all.

I’m looking at you, Aretha; Franklin, that is.

Aretha has finally gotten around to slamming her longtime rival Dionne Warwick for saying something nasty about her at Whitney Houston’s funeral ... five years ago. Best of all, Aretha slapped back at Dionne via a fax machine because the Queen don’t Twitter, text, or email.

The Associated Press spoke to Aretha on the phone after she sent them that fax to explain how furious, furious I tell ya, she was that, at Whitney’s funeral, Dionne tried to introduce Aretha to the funeral-goers but when she realized Aretha wasn’t there, Dionne said:

“‘Ree’s not here, but she is here. She loves Whitney as if she were born to her. She is her godmother.”

Aretha is mad because she is not Whitney’s godmother—that would be one Darlene Love—so why get her bloomers in a snit over that, especially a snit that boiled and bubbled for five years?

Aretha told the AP that she waited until now to say something because back then, there was too much drama going on, and so she waited, and plotted, and ate some pie. And then thought on it, and had some cake, and then put on a hat for Obama’s inauguration, and then thought on it some more until ... BAM ... it’s 2017 and she could tell the world:

“She blatantly lied on me … fully well knowing what she was doing."

And, in addition to waiting five years to spill the tea, Aretha is gonna wait even longer until she forgives Dionne. The two ran into one another at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of the Clive Davis documentary last week, and went all Bette and Joan on one another:

Dionne said, “Give me a hug.”

Aretha said, “Oh hell no. You couldn’t be serious.”

And lest anyone think all Dionne needs to do is apologize, do not hold your breath:

“I don’t care about her apology, at this point it isn’t about an apology, it’s about libel. We’ve never been friends and I don’t think that Dionne has ever liked me.”

When the AP asked Dionne’s rep for a response he said:

“She will not dignify a response to the statement made by Aretha Franklin.”

I’m torn ... I could go Team Aretha and share some chicken with her, or I could go Team Dionne because she just made a stupid mistake.

Plus, if I go Team Dionne, it’ll take Aretha about five years to come for me.

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Almost two months have passed since Faye Dunaway’s frozen face screeched out the wrong film at the Oscars and she is still all kinds of bothered by it.

Faye did an interview with Lester Holt to promote her new movie, The Case for Christ, and she talked about the Best Picture mistake:

“It’s a moment I still have not recovered from. We had planned to come on stage, do some banter, see the film clips. Then Warren was supposed to open the envelope, and then for suspense, pass me the card to read the winner. We rehearsed the whole thing. What happened that night was Warren opened the envelope, took the card out and didn’t speak…I was trying to tell him, ‘Let’s get on with it.’ And I read the name of the film on the card. And it was the wrong name.”

Wait; you rehearsed that? Cuz the story coming from everyone else is that Faye and Warren scarcely spoke to one another at all, before, during, and after the debacle.

Faye adds that she felt “very guilty” and wonders why she didn’t see Emma Stone’s name on the top of the card.

Really Faye? That makes you feel guilty? Not The Eyes of Laura Mars? Not Mommie Dearest? Not your new face?

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Gosh, I was so on Team Caitlyn when she came out as transgender and then she started to speak and well, between the anti-marriage equality bull shiz and the _____ support, I quickly grew tired of her and her “Look at me!” antics. And those, apparently, are getting worse every day.

Caitlyn appeared on “Live with Kelly” this week and was, well, a Kardastrophe-esque-sized bitcunt.

Jenner, promoting her memoir, “The Secrets of My Life,” continuously cut off Kelly Ripa and guest co-host John Leguizamo. And, for some reason, she asked Kelly when she first identified as a female.

“Just think about that. When did you know you were a girl?”

Jenner then made Leguizamo her target, asking if he enjoyed dressing in drag in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar.

Apparently she thinks she the poster gal for transgender people; she’s not. She’s a famewhore trying to sell a book and make some coins because her “career” on reality TV is done.

Worse of all is that Caitlyn didn’t even let the hosts ask questions; she asked herself the questions, and then answered them ...

 “I’m actually very excited to be here. Why? Because today, the 25th of April ... my book comes out and I don’t have a secret left in my life.”

Later on, Jenner again interrupted the hosts to whine about being snubbed by the program:

“I have been around for 40 years, from the old ‘Regis and Kathie Lee’ — Kathie Lee’s [Gifford] the godmother to some of my children — and all this kind of stuff. I’ve watched your show for years, I’ve seen you go through all this stuff, and I’ve never been asked to co-host.”

And, hon, you never will. The Caitlyn Jenner Show has been canceled.

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