I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The last season of rebooted Will & Grace  is about to get far less fabulous because Megan Mullally will be missing for a couple episodes due an ALLEGED feud with co-star Debra Messing. No reason why the feud, but the pair have confirmed it by doing the ghastly act of unfollowing one another on social media. Mullally has also stopped following her onscreen sidekick, Sean Hayes, but still follows Eric McCormack for some unexplainable reason.

Okay, Messing and Hayes, here’s the deal: you two are funny, but it’s Karen who makes the show. It should be called KAREN! With jack … will and grace.

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Ex-Bravo star [?] of Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis announced on his SiriusXM radio show Jeff Lewis Live, that he has hired his former maid Zoila’s sister to be his new maid.

Apparently, this counts as news? Well, maybe because Lewis’ Bravo show was canceled when he alienated every single person on the show from Zoila Chaves to Jenni Poulos to his business and life partner, and Baby Daddy, Gage Edwards, the surrogate mother for their child, and the staff at his child’s pre-school. Lewis even went after Bravo golden gay boy Andy Cohen by reading private text messages on his radio show.

Yeah, Bravo is done with Jeff Lewis, but Jeff Lewis says he’s not done with TV:

“I have talked to a couple of different networks about either a doc-series or a more formatted design show. I think when the right show with the right person comes, we’ll hopefully put something together.”

Until he goes after them and drives them away.

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So, we know that federal prosecutors have added additional charges for Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, all part of the original scheme where they paid $500K to convince the USC admissions board that their daughters were master rowers … or smart. But, apparently Lori thinks if this mess goes to trial—she and her husband are one of the few involved in the scheme who have pled not guilty—she’ll get a Felicity Huffman Deal of eleven days in Easy Jail.

However, if Lori and Mossimo are convicted of everything, they face up to decades in prison. Now, no one thinks they would actually serve decades because … white and rich … but there could be serious fines and serious prison time … more than eleven days and less than eleven years.

But there’s more; prosecutors have emails between Mossimo and Rick Singer, leader of the scandal, where Rick tells Mossimo to get pictures of his daughters on a rowing machine to make it look legit. There is also evidence of payments and bribery, like an email between Mossimo and his accountant with an invoice for $200,000 saying:

“Good news my daughter … is in (U)SC… bad is I had to work the system.”

Oops. People magazine says Lori and Mossimo feel like this is “David versus Goliath” and that, wait for it, it’s rich and white … people excuse, that they are being scapegoated. Yeah, scapegoats. Lori has it all wrong; they might be made an ‘example’ by the feds to perhaps show people how not to get your kids into college, but a scapegoat is what Lori could use right now …

‘Look over there, it’s that guy’s fault.’

Take a seat Lori, you’ll handle prison just fine, but your Silver Fox husband might be the beauty of the cell block.

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Diddy is doing it again.

Diddy, AKA Sean John Combs, AKA Sean Combs, has changed his name almost as much as Miley Cyrus exchanges husbands and boyfriends and girlfriends. He’s been Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Puffy, and Diddy, and even once suggested he would change it to Brother Love.

And now this … Sean John Combs now wants y’all to call him Sean Love Combs.

Wait. Is he hooking up with Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Oy. But if he wants to change it again, sometime in the future, might I suggest … drum roll …wait for it … it’s perfection … Didiot.

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Speaking of the unwashed …Cody Simpson and Miley Cyrus have been having a ball together. They’re  living together… or not; they’re getting tattooed together … or not; he cured her of her fear of dick and being bisexual … or not; and they’re both sober …or not.

But, since Miley opened her mouth last week and shoved a giant boot in it with her suggestion that she was a lesbian was due to never having had good dick, now it’s Cody’s time to share the stupid by saying he is the most romantic fulfilling adult real relationship Miley’s ever had … this week … and that previous ones were not.

Cue professional gossip hacker Lindsay Lohan who has inserted herself into this drama with claims of stolen furniture. What the what? Yes, Lindsay, fresh off her hit recording of Xanax … I kid, it was no hit … has accused Cody of stealing her sister Ali’s furniture because they dated and lived together for about a minute.

Lindsay posted, then deleted, a message of hatred toward Cody because of her sister Ali Lohan. On the finale of Masked Singer: Australia, where she works … hold for laughter … Lindsay brought up her drama with Cody:

“If it is you, we have a lot to talk about, and this is not the arena for it. I want my furniture back! Because I bought your furniture for your house in Venice!”

Seriously? Perhaps she wants the couch back because there’s a dime bag sewn into the cushions? Or perhaps because no one is talking about Lindsay Lohan and she needs to snark.

Six of one, half dozen of the other …

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It’s been a whole week and a half since a clip of Kylie Jenner waking up her daughter Stormi with a musical “Rise and shiiiiine” went viral and since she comes from That Family she is trying to trademark the words “rise and shine.”

Seriously. To be fair, we now know that Kylie, whose job is dating, getting pregnant and trademarking existing phrases, says she wants to trademark slang version of rise and shine”:

“RIIISE AND SHIIINNEE.”

I guess she really wants to trademark the fact that she can’t freaking spell.

I have opted to follow suit and will seek to trademark the phrase … ‘All Kardastrophes are idiiiiiiotttttts.’  … Followed by my newest version of Kylie-speak:

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise and shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

I’ll make millions!

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It looks like Michael Caine loves to dish, though his subject matter might get a certain Beyhive all up in arms.

You might recall that both Caine and Beyoncé appeared in Austin Powers In Goldmember, but you may not know that Beyoncé confessed to Michael that she is thirsty for Oscar.

“I knew she was a singer and had a group. I asked her one day, ‘What do you want to do with your life, Be-yons?’ I always called her ‘Be-yons.’ And she said, ‘I want to win the Academy Award for acting.’ She was very good in the movie, a very competent actress, and I thought she could get somewhere with this. She’s gone far beyond my world. She’s so big now.”

But as an actress? She’s less Meryl and more Madge, you know, so Oscar looks like a dream, girl.

See what I did there? Dream, girl. Dreamgirls? I’ll stop.

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You ever wonder if Jimmy Kimmel has turned down a guest? Well, wonder no more; he has, and her name is … Barbra Streisand.

Appearing on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen Kimmel was asked if he’d ever had a guest that wanted to reverse the set—Cohen says he’s reversed his set four times for Mimi. Kimmel said:

“I’ve had a guest ask for that and I said no … It was the condition. But the condition was that we couldn’t talk about that we’d switched around and I was like, ‘I just don’t see how that would work.’”

And, when pressed, he admitted it was Babs. Still, I love that she asked, and then said she’d refuse to talk about it, like anyone who has seen Kimmel even once would notice the set had been flipped. But it’s nothing new for Streisand … when James Cordon got her to agree to a Carpool Karaoke, she did it in the driver’s seat.

Diva!

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Color me surprised … and by that, I mean, I saw this coming miles away … but reality stars Jeff Lewis and his boyfriend/partner/other-half/costar, Gage Edward, are over … or taking a break because if their show comes back, perhaps they’ll reunite for the cameras?

This is the latest in a long line of Jeff Lewis friends, family, lovers, surrogate mothers, walking away from his ass in a fire of ill-feelings and/or lawsuits. First, his longtime housekeeper Zola quit, and then his longtime assistant Jenni left in a blaze of a lawsuit, and then his surrogate mother—who carried the Lewis-Edward baby to term—is suing him for saying nasty things about her vagina on camera.

And now Gage.

Color me not surprised, but since Lewis has a history of pushing people away, so there’s no telling how long his baby daughter will be in the picture.

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Tori Spelling is trailer trash who lives like she’s a billionaire, and so she is in a constant state of debt because she doesn’t pay her credit card bills.

In 2016, she was sued by AmEx because she owed them $38,000, and now she’s back in AmEx hell because she’s being ordered to repay $88,594.55 to them.

How is her card still active? Two years ago, she owed 40K and now AmEx let her raise her debt ceiling to 90K? Tori is hoping that if her proposed Beverly Hills 90210 reboot was a go, she could pay off that debt, but AmEx is lie, Bitch, you were Donna Martin. No one cares about Donna Martin. Just give us our money.

Maybe she could go to work for Jeff Lewis and then sue his ass after a couple of years for some credit card coin.

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Celine Dion. I often wish her heart didn’t go on, but today, for this instant, I’m on her side.

Dion recently gave an interview and the gist of it is that she wants to be left alone. She was asked if her rumored new, much younger boyfriend, Pepe Munoz was “the man in her life” and she said he was a man in her life.

Leave me alone!

Then talk turned to Dion’s increasingly thin body—not to mention her horrific fashion sense, and by sense, I mean, if it’s ugly, she’ll wear it—and Dion said “if you like it, I’ll be there. If you don’t, leave me alone.”

How can we leave you alone, Celine, when you won’t go away? Please. Go. Away.

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It looks like Wendy ain’t coming back any time soon, because for the foreseeable future The Wendy Williams Show will be The Nick Cannon Show.

It all began with an arm injury and over-medicating herself, and that was compounded by the rumors that her husband’s side-piece was with child and suddenly Wendy can’t perform any longer.

Enter Nick Cannon and his Turban. But don’t get too comfortable, because if history has taught us anything—America’s Got Talent—it’s that Tyra Banks comes for any Nick Cannon gig and so maybe Tyra will be back in the talk show game again soon.

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Oh, am I excited … Gwyneth Paltrow is in trouble with the law again, though not for those Vaginal Steaming Lies or those $1500 t-shirts or because Martha Stewart sold her out to the feds? No, Paltrow is being sued by Dr. Terry Sanderson for a ski accident that he says happened in Utah in 2016 when a “skiing out of control” Paltrow slammed into him.

Sanderson says the “hit-and-run ski crash” happened when Paltrow “skied out of control” colliding with him from the back, knocked him down, knocked him out and then got up and skied away as if nothing ever happened. And Sanderson wants for $3.1 million for “permanent traumatic brain injury,” pain and suffering, loss of enjoyment of life, four broken ribs, some good old-fashioned emotional distress and last but not least, disfigurement. Sanderson is also claiming that the Deer Valley Resort is conspiring in a cover-up, and a ski instructor, Eric Christiansen who was with Goop, filed a report full of lies saying that she did not cause the crash. Eric, the resort itself and two other unnamed employees are also being sued.

I imagine  that Paltrow will spin this crash as some new kind of GOOP Full Body Skiing and send Sanderson a bill for several thousand dollars. I mean, c’mon, this is the woman who fleeces rich women for profit, who tells people she invented yoga, so, yeah, I think she crashed into the doctor and the skied away because she takes no responsibility for anything unless she can turn a profit.

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It's Snarkurday!

Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones. I’m so glad she’s taken her life back and decided to finally stop feeling bad about being a beautiful rich white woman.

While promoting the Facebook series Queen America … whatever that is … the 48-year-old [?] CZJ is finally taking off the shackles of being humble:

“One thing I’m not is humble any more. I’m sick of being humble. I really am. ‘So sorry I’m rich, so sorry I’m married to a movie star, so sorry I’m not so bad looking. No sorrys. Enough. All that is important to me now is my work. That’s what I love and the rest of my life is a joy because I’ve got two beautiful kids and a healthy, happy husband. It’s all good, and I’m not going to be humble for that either.”

Sorry you’re a self-entitled bitch. Now, go.

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Speaking of going, Liza would like anyone who wants to talk about Renée Zellweger playing her Mama, Judy Garland, in the upcoming Judy, to step aside as she has no time for you.

Recently Radar Online posted a story entitled Renée Zellweger Bonds With Liza Minnelli While Playing Mom Judy Garland In Biopic and Liza decided to Oh Hell no that yarn because, as Mimi once said famously of JLo:

“I don’t know her.”

Liza says:

“I have never met nor spoken to Renee Zellweger… I don’t know how these stories get started, but I do not approve.”

Radar has since removed the story.

Liza didn’t explain why she’s opposed to Judy, but maybe the continued exploitation of her Mama is still too much … or maybe the post was actually written by one Anne Hathaway, who’d hoped to play Judy in her own d-i-sastrous film.

Just sayin’.

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Roseanne Barr is still trying to defend being a racist Twitter troll.

First was the Ambien defense.

Then came the It was a joke defense.

Then there was the idea that she thought Valerie Jarrett was of Saudi and Jewish descent which makes it okay to call her a Muslim ape.

And now this …

“Thomas Muhammad has agreed to speak for me, as he knows the work I have done in civil rights against racism ALL MY LIFE & understands my tweet was about Iran's regime, not race-The website is: http://www.bbunity.com.”

Then she added:

“Rod Serling wrote Planet of The Apes. It was about anti-Semitism. That is what my tweet referred to-the anti-Semitism of the Iran deal. Low IQ ppl can think whatever they want.”

Or people who know a racist tool when they see one.

Go sit by CZJ and wait for the bus to nowhere; you have a seat in the back.

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Clearly this is about keeping the Cosby Coins, but rumor has it that Camille Cosby is finally ready to divorce her sexual predator husband, Bill.

Once upon a time, Camille tried to say the dozens and dozens and dozens of sexual misconduct and rape allegations against her husband were a witch hunt akin to the murder of Emmet Till—yes, she sank that low—but now Camille has apparently left Bill’s side and is staying in their Massachusetts manse all alone …well, alone with her chef, her drivers, and her three grown children.

Bill is staying in Pennsylvania awaiting sentencing.

It smells to me like the divorce is a ploy to get the Jell-O money and hand it to Camille and the kids so when those dozens and dozens of civil suits are filed Mrs. C won’t be a broke-ass b*tch.

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Neil Patrick Harris wasn’t at the Tony Awards last weekend, but he still shot off a series of live Tweets, one of which was one of those Mimi-JLo lines … “I don’t know her” … things aimed at “backstage host” Rachel Bloom. Sadly, the joke fell flat and Bloom wasn’t feeling the NPH hate; she told GQ:

“No, no, no. It wasn’t a joke  … I saw that tweet. And I was kind of devastated. I was actually going to tweet, “This makes me sad.” But then I was like, “Ehhhhhhhhhh … I don’t want to give him that, necessarily.” Look. I’ve met him a couple times. Very recently, backstage in the dressing room of a Broadway show. And we hung out for a solid 15 minutes with the star of this Broadway show. It was just bizarre to me that it wouldn’t ring a bell. And also, that he wouldn’t Google it.”

Oh, and Bloom’s husband was a writer on NPH’s old show How I Met Your Mother And the two have met … several times. But then Bloom threw her own shade back at NPH:

“But look, he’s not a writer, so his version of a Twitter joke is to just kind of … live-comment to Twitter followers with kind of random, unformed thoughts. And fame does that to you—where you think every kind of random, unformed thought is a gem, because you get 10,000 likes from it. “

NPH felt the heat and, of course, Twit-pologized:

“Sincere apologies to @Racheldoesstuff for my Tony tweet. I failed to research her before pressing ‘send’, and what I thought was a funny comment in our living room must have been far from funny to read, backstage, mid show. As a performer and a parent, I should have known better.”

Rachel has accepted his apology and once again all is right in the universe! At least on Broadway!

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Judith Nathan Giuliani is about to quit a bitch … a bitch called Rudy …and she is talking no prisoners.

See, according to Judy, Rudy has ALLEGEDLY been boning one Maria Rosa Ryan since right before he kicked Wife #3 to the curb. Judy filed for divorce five days after Rudy and The Side-Piece were spotted getting cozy at a ­hotel in Maine. No word on whether Maria has filed for divorce, though.

No word on why anyone would ever marry Rudy Giuliani, much less him anywhere near you. I get the skeeves just seeing his picture.

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So, speaking of marriages on the Rocks … the rumor going around is that after 19 years of marriage, Victoria Beckham and David Beckham are done after a rumor broke that Beckham had bent it into one of their daughter’s teachers.

Now, both their reps—they each have their own, nothing to see there—have denied the tryst, and point out that Posh and Becks, and their brood, are set to do a photo shoot for Vogue. And, while that may seem like they’re staying together for the kids, others say they’re staying together for the coins … 500 million of them.

Anyone can have kids, but it takes a lot of work to earn a half-billion dollars and who wants to part with even half of that?

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Oh Jeff Lewis, that mouth of yours.

Lewis, the star of Bravo’s Flipping Out and his partner, Gage Edward, hired a woman to be their surrogate and carry their daughter Monroe. It all worked out fine and made for a Very Special Episode of Flipping Out but … now the surrogate, Alexandra Trent, is suing Jeff and Gage, and she has a mighty fine case.

It seems that the relationship between the Daddy’s and The Surrogate went south after Lewis made an off-color joke about Trent’s vagina while she was giving birth to his child:

“If I was a surrogate, and I had known there was going to be an audience, I probably would have waxed. And that was the shocking part for Gage. I don’t think Gage had ever seen a vagina, let alone one that big.”

So last week, Alexandra Trent filed suit claiming that Lewis and Edward had humiliated her and left her “deeply damaged” by making the “disgusting” comment on the show; she also accused Bravo and Flipping Out producers Authentic Entertainment of filming her vagina without permission, claiming that she had never given consent to have her delivery filmed and that it “caused incredible anguish, self-loathing, contempt and depression.”

I think she has a strong case, though I cannot imagine that she had no idea that Jeff Lewis is kind of a pig who says inappropriately rude things to anyone and everyone all the time.

Still, I sense Jeff Lewis will be a surrogate for Alexandra Trent’s bank account.

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Another shocking marital break-up in Hollywood.

Jenny Garth’s third husband, actor Dave Abrams, has filed for divorce just shy of the second anniversary.

Jennie and Dave met on a blind date in late 2014 and were engaged four months later, then married two months after that, so they’re used to doing things fast … date, proposal, marriage, divorce in under four years!

When Dave filed for divorce he requested that Jennie be denied spousal support though he said that, ahem, “everything is chill” between the splitting up couple and that they would “remain friends.” 

Maybe not; last week Jennie filed a response to Dave’s divorce and asked the court to terminate any ability Dave might have of requesting spousal support, citing that the 37-year-old actor signed a prenuptial agreement.

She still has 90210 coins, you know, and doesn’t want Dave’s greasy hands on them because, well, who the f%k is Dave Abrams? Dave’s acting resume is slim at best; he has played “cool guy” on one episode of 2 Broke Girls and has a few “uncredited” roles …Hollywood-speak for “extra.”

Meanwhile she was Kelly Taylor! Know what I mean?

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Wait, what? Jason Mraz is a bi guy?

Well, the 40-year-old Mraz has been a longtime supporter of the LBGTQ community and recently wrote a love poem to our people for Billboard and Pride Month in which he includes the line:

“I am bi your side.”

Play on words or into more than one gender? Jason’s hinted several times in the past that he’d be fine with trying out a gay … raises hand … and was maybe, kinda, sorta, about dating his gay best friend back in 2005:

“It wasn’t until we were out for dinner on Valentines Day that I realized we both we’re having a very romantic time together. Right before I moved to California he gave me a strong-willed kiss goodbye, which I have never experienced before. Unfortunately, he had a little bit more facial hair than I like.”

Here’s Mraz’s full poem:

“Dear You,
Thank you.
You have inspired me.
Re-wired me.
You showed me what strength is.
You demonstrated courage over and over again.
You risked so much for love.
You never compromised your expression
Even when
Your rights and freedoms were being compromised.
You stood up for me.
You stood up for the world.
And now the world is better because of you.
We still have a long way to go
But know
I am bi your side.
All ways.”

Am I gonna have to head to the warehouse for a toaster oven, Jason?

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Go ahead laugh, but we’ve already elected one dimwitted asshat of a reality star as president so is the idea that one Kim Kardastrophe-West might run for office one day too far-fetched?

Kardastrophe-West recently stepped into the spotlight of the ACLU by getting herself some airtime as the savior who freed Alice Marie Johnson, non-violent drug offender who was serving a disproportionate-to-the-crime life sentence without the possibility of parole. And she …or maybe it was her giant ass … convinced _____ to commute Johnson’s sentence and now she has told CNN that she wouldn’t say no to running for POTUS.

Seriously. Don’t think it can’t happen?  And think about Kanye as the First Lunatic!

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It's Snarkurday!

Lindsay Lohan is trying for a comeback … oh, no, not as an actress … that would be comical … but as a media whoring sensation.

In the space of a week Lohan has called her fiancé out for cheating on her with a Russian hooker in a social media meltdown … begged him to come home … accused him of assault … claimed she’s pregnant … and broken their engagement.

The Cracktress started off by posting a Snapchat video captioned:

“ET phone home.”

In the video, she begs Egor Tarabasov — get it … ET? — to come home because she’s hydrated. Huh?

“My fiancé’s being really angry at me, but I’m drinking water to get him to come home. Honey, come home, please.”

Lindsay is famous for carrying vodka in “water” bottles so maybe drinking “water” wasn’t a good idea.

The next morning, and still no ET, Lohan skipped over to Instagram to post a photo of the two of them with Egor’s face scribbled out  … and monkey emojis, something about “art” — is that her dealer, Art? — and a Cher lyric:

“He wore black and I wore white…. I guess #art is whatever you make of it.”

And then we get to the good stuff:

“I guess I was the same at 23 … Shitty time — it changes at 26/27 @e2505t thanks for not coming home tonight. Fame changes people”

I’m not sure what changed for Lohan at “26/27” … jail? But now she’s thirty and thirsty and still as Looney as ever because she started naming names:

“Wow thanks #fiance with Russian hooker @dasha_pa5h”

@dasha_pa5h is the Instagram handle for Dasha Pashevkina an account that is now closed once Lohan dragged it into the light. And then she went on:

“It’s legal if you’re selling yourself and not a Russian from #moscow right my baby @e2505t”

Lohan tagged that post with Vladimir Putin and Donald [t]Rump … wait, what … is she blaming them for the Russian hooker?

Whatever … Lohan then Instagrammed a video of Egor hanging out at a club talking to a bunch of guys with this caption:

“Home? First time in my life — bare [sic] with me/ he cheated on me with hooker #meangirls #meanboysub.”

Lohan was almost done … just one more photo of Egor accompanied by a caption written in her native tongue … DrunkAsASkunk;

“You’re suits are As only as myself, Roman and and tags ahi. Wiggins v”

Yeah. Lesson learned: stay in school. Lindsay then departed Instagram and hurried over to the Twitter where she posted a link to a still photo of her pregnant from her 2009’s Labor Pains and announced her pregnancy.

“lindsay lohan labour pains trailer - I am pregnant!!”

Wow, so she’s clearly drunk, or incapable of stringing together even a basic sentence, and engaged to a Russian millionaire who, she says, would rather pay Russian hookers for handies than be at home with his “pregnant”, out of work, obviously intoxicated fiancée?

Yup, Lohan’s back and the Crazy Train is up and running. After her whirlwind Crazy Tour of social media Lohan leaked the stories to real media outlets — think TMZ — about what was happening, you know, in case they cared:

“Egor finally came home, and they got into a fight, and then he left again. Lindsay was trying to track him down but Egor was gone again … until he wasn’t.”

The Sun released a video of Lindsay screaming and crying for help on her balcony, begging neighbors to help her after Egor ALLEGEDLY strangled her and attacked her.

Uh huh. But when police arrived and broke down the door Lindsay was nowhere to be found. No Lohan; no Egor; just a computer opened to Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter.

When Lindsay finally did resurface, she begged us all to give her some privacy:

“I would appreciate if these speculations regarding my personal life would respectfully come to a halt. Unfortunately, a private matter has become more public than I can control and I would be extremely grateful if my fiancé and myself could discuss our personal matters on our own. There are more important things going on in the world than our relationship. Please leave us be to solve our personal matters.”

Wait, we all need to stop talking about a story Lindsay Lohan posted about herself on every single social media platform she could find and then leaked to the press?

Sheesh, I bet she even took it to MySpace she’s so desperate for the attention. But then, you know, to keep it all private and keep the prying eyes away, Lohan was seen on a flight out of London after her people issued a new statement:

“Lindsay believes Egor has anger-management issues and she would like him to go to therapy. They both want to work things out… I cannot confirm her pregnancy.”

So, she played out the whole mess, got the police involved, demanded privacy, flew the coop, and then had her people tell more of the story? That’s our Lohan!

And because it’s Lohan she also appeared again on Instagram to talk about all her troubles and woes … the ones she says are none of our business:

“Dear friends. I’m good and well. #ATM I am taking time for myself with good friends. I am sorry that I’ve exposed certain private matters recently. I was acting out of fear and sadness… We all make mistakes. Sadly mine have always been so public. I have done a lot of soul searching in the past years, and I should have been more clear minded rather than distract from the good heart that I have. Social media comes with the territory of the business and the world we now live in. My intentions were not meant to send mixed messages. Maybe things can be fixed… Maybe not.. I hope they can. But I am 30 years old and I do deserve a #GENTLEgiant Life is about love and light. Not anger… Thank you to those who stand by my side”

Good lord. She says she makes mistakes but earlier didn’t she say that was how you acted in your 20s? And she’s 30 now and still pulling the same “Look At Me” shiz?

As for Egor, he stayed in London to move his stuff out of their apartment — probably one he paid for — and appears to be done with crazy.

Except now Lohan and her people, are saying Egor took some of her stuff and she’s scheduled an appearance on Judge Judy to get it back.

Oh, and because she’s nuts, Lindsay is now claiming she broke up with Egor … after he didn’t come home from a  night out with a Russian hooker. Yeah, I think getting a hand-job from a Russian hooker already means you've broken up, hon.

Now Lohan is said to be drowning her sorrows in cigarettes and booze aboard what is most likely her next boyfriend’s yacht because that’s what heartbroken pregnant women do … hook-up for a vacation and drink and smoke.

Lesson to be learned: licking a doughnut gets you uninvited to be anywhere near President Obama.

Remember when Little Pop Tartlet™ Ariana Grande licked all those doughnuts while telling everyone … “I hate Americans. I Hate America”?

Well, Ariana was in consideration to perform at an unnamed White House “gala” for President Obama but was to be vetted before they let her shake her ass for POTUS.

A Deputy Compliance Director wrote the official report:

“Ariana Butera. Video caught her licking other peoples’ donuts while saying she hates America; Republican Congressman used this video and said it was a double standard that liberals were not upset with her like they are with Trump who criticized Mexicans; cursed out a person on Twitter after that person used an offensive word towards her brother,”

Ouch. But the best part is that we now know her real name is  Ariana Grande-Butera. Big Butter?

Moments after the Deputy Compliance Director issued his report, a guy by the name of — and this is serious — Bobby Schmuck vetoed Big Butter’s appearance by simple saying:

“Nope, sorry.”

And Schmuck was right; imagine Ariana at the buffet table running her mouth, and her tongue, all over the Presidential Pastries.

Nope.Sorry.

Oh Gwynnie … where would we be without you?

While blowing her own horn … yoga made her that limber … in an interview with The Cut, Gwyneth Paltrow says she made yoga cool:

“I’ve always been interested in alternative ways of achieving this elusive wellness. I’ve been very experimental and I’ve tried all kinds of modalities, diets, and juices. I kind of like being the guinea pig for it all. I remember when I started doing yoga 20 years ago, and people thought I was super weird and didn’t know what I was doing. It’s the same way with organic food or acupuncture. I was always the one saying “Hey, this is cool,” and people being like, “You’re super weird.” And now, yoga is … [waves her hands in a huge gesture to emphasize her giant ego]”

So, in 1996 — twenty years ago — Goopy started off this whole yoga thing?

Someone better tell her to watch her back, and to watch that 1993 video of Jane Fonda doing yoga three years before Goop brought it to the world.

Over there on Bravo a catfight is brewing between a couple of Real Housewives … Real Housewife of Orange County, Heather Dubrow, and Real Housewife of Flipping Out Jeff Lewis.

The two apparently have Paltrow-sized egos so of course they hate each other and began arguing over who is more rude and obnoxious.

A coin flip couldn’t decide this one. It all began when Jeff appeared on Andy Cohen’s “show” when Andy asked Jeff to name his least favorite Housewife:

“Andy Cohen knew that I didn’t love her… and I was just answering the question. I mean, I don’t hate her; I don’t think about her…”

And yet he answered the question, and now says he has no idea why she doesn’t like him?

Two words: third grade. You say you don’t like someone, they say they don’t like you. Simple. Childish.

“I’ve been racking my brain, like, what could make her so angry? I did say: ‘You would be more fun if you drank more.’ But that applies to most people …”

And so now Heather is going Lohan on Social media blasting Jeff for being rude to her. Luckily, Jeff Lewis doesn’t often play the fool — except on TV — and issued this rebuttal:

“I get along with all the Housewives — they call me ‘The Housewives Whisperer,' [but] there’s an issue with her. I think she’s phony, and fake, and pretentious.” 

Pot … Kettle. But Jeff swears he didn’t go after what appears to be Heather’s surgically enhanced face — fillers, Botox, peels, knives, whatever … she’s married to a plastic surgeon — though he admits to being snarky and impertinent. 

“First of all, I think she’s a size 0, so body-shaming did not happen. She also said that I objectified her,[but] I actually complimented her! Aside from her hateful personality that makes her ugly, I think she’s an attractive woman. Her husband was sitting right across from me at this dinner party, and if I had said something I assume her husband would have stepped in?” 

Jeff claims that Heather mistook a genuine question, as offensive:

“What I said was, “God — you look great … have you had any plastic surgery?’ Because she’s married to a plastic surgeon – am I the first person who’s ever asked this?!” 

Jeff says Heather then snapped at him, and got very defensive—which he takes as proof that she’s had plastic surgery.

Sheesh, ladies, can’t we all get along? If not, I’m sensing a cross-over episode with a wine-glass throwing, table-flipping, don’t-hit-me-in-the-face-I’ve-had-work-done Bitchfest on either one, or both, of their shows.

After six months of marriage, and one week after announcing they are expecting a baby, Little Rudy Huxtable, AKA Keshia Knight Pulliam and Ed Hartwell have called it quits.

Hartwell filed first and cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split, but then questions if he is the father of the unborn child.

Rudy and Ed dated four months before getting married. Uh huh.

Oh, and now Rudy, er, Keshia is telling her side of the story, saying the baby girl is definitely Ed’s and that he’s the one who cheated on her. She was all set to divorce him and had papers drawn up but he begged her to stay.

She says he cheats, he says she cheats. I just worry about the baby, with these two fools for parents.

And here’s another reminder that Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s divorce is still a bottomless pit of drama.

Last week, Johnny’s team of lawyers filed papers to keep Amber and her team of lawyers quiet about the details of the divorce.

Now it’s Amber’s turn to do some document-pot-stirring. According to court papers, Amber Heard thinks Johnny Depp’s request for her to sign a gag order is his way of stalling their divorce.

Um, Amber, honey? You’ve accused him of being a drunk and a druggie and of beating you. Why would he want to drag this out?

Sit down, sign the papers, you’re your check, and move on. You’ve both got other people to marry, embarrass and divorce, haven’t you?