I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Are some of the Kardastrophes going to jail? Well, I can dream … but apparently there’s news that the least talented Kardastrophe, Kylie Jenner may have ALLEGEDLY faked her way onto Forbes Billionaire list with the help of That Woman who is ALLEGEDLY being investigated for exaggerating the value of Kylie Cosmetics.

Kylie, who was twice named by Forbes as the world’s youngest self-made billionaire, was kicked off the list last week because, wait for it, like _____ she is not a billionaire. And now there may be an in-depth investigation into how her overall business is managed. Forbes says that financial filings with the Securities Exchange Commission show she may have been lying about her success.

Perhaps Kylie and That Woman could share a cell and do a podcast, Keeping Up with the Lying Media Whores?

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A while back we learned that true love had died when Pamela Anderson ended her twelve-day marriage to Jon Peters.

I still ache for their loss. But did their marriage die along with their love? Not according to Pammy who told The New York Times they were never married at all:

“I wasn’t married. No. I’m a romantic. I think I’m an easy target. And I think people just live in fear. I don’t know what all that was about, but I think fear really played a lot into it. It was just kind of a little moment. A moment that came and went, but there was no wedding, there was no marriage, there was no anything. I was in India and I went to this panchakarma cleanse, and I’d been gone for three weeks in this ayurvedic center, meditating, just so clear. I came back and VWOOM, within 24 hours, I saw Jon. It was like this little whirlwind thing, and it was over really quick, and it was nothing. Nothing physical. It’s just a friendship.  It’s like it never even happened. That sounds bizarre.”

Um, nope Pammy, it sounds like you’re desperately seeking attention since the last time you were relevant was when Tim Allen was relevant. She also used the interview to say she wanted to get married one more time—after her real three failures to Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and Rick Solomon:

“Just one more time, please, God. One more time only. Only! …Three marriages. I know that’s a lot, but it’s less than five.”

Oh Pammy, you know you wanna out JLo JLo. There’s bound to be another douchebag headed your way.

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Speaking of dead marriages, after months of speculation and baited breath we can now confirm that sexually fluid Julianne Hough and sexually tempted Brooks Laich are officially over  after nearly three years of marriage.

And while they have been apart during the pandemic—she self-quarantined with another man and he trolled the internet—they announced their separation in a joint statement … meeting they smoked a doobie and called TMZ:

“We have lovingly and carefully taken the time we have needed to arrive at our decision to separate. We share an abundance of love and respect for one another and will continue to lead with our hearts from that place. We kindly request your compassion and respect for our privacy moving forward.”

So much love …in divorce. That’s all … except Brooks., if you wanna come to my house dressed like that and lumberjackmeoff I wouldn’t argue.

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The other day, for a split second, I was Team Meghan McCain when she called Derek Chauvin, the police officer who murdered George Floyd a ‘murderer’ while her other View co-host called  Chauvin the man ‘responsible ‘ for Floyd’s death.

I was Team Meghan! And then this snippet of white privilege … until this week, from her apartment in a chi-chi New York City neighborhood Meghan Tweeted:

“My neighborhood in Manhattan is eviscerated and looks like a war zone. DeBlasio and Cuomo are an utter disgrace. This is not America. Our leaders have abandoned us and continue to let great American cities burn to the ground and be destroyed. I never could have fathomed this.”

How scary to not be able to get to Dean & Deluca for a charcuterie plate, except …

Kristen Bartlett—co-head writer for TBS’ Full Frontal with Samantha Bee—checked Meghan’s story and found, well, it to be lacking in veracity and Tweeted out a correction:

“Meghan, we live in the same building, and I just walked outside. It’s fine.”

And then another neighbor, Alison Greene, schooled McCain over The Twitter:

“Meghan, I also live in the same building and went for a walk both yesterday and this morning and it's fine.”

Meghan hasn’t responded to Kristen or Alison’s ALLEGATIONS of being a self-entitled rich white woman in American because, well, she’s a self-entitled rich white woman in America. ... whom I will start calling Karen McCain.

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Celebrities continue to show their support for the ongoing police brutality protests on social media, including newly pregnant Lea Michele who Tweeted her solidarity with Black Lives Matter:

“George Floyd did not deserve this. This was not an isolated incident and it must end. #BlackLivesMatter”

But then one of Lea’s former co-stars, Samantha Marie Ware, upper right, who played Jane on the sixth season of Glee, saw that Tweet and said, Oh no she di’in’t and then Tweeted out to the world the living hell that Lea Michele created on the set of Glee …uh, in ALL CAPS:

“LMAO REMEMBER WHEN YOU MADE MY FIRST TELEVISON GIG A LIVING HELL?!?! CAUSE ILL NEVER FORGET. I BELIEVE YOU TOLD EVERYONE THAT IF TOU HAD THE OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD “SHIT IN MY WIG!” AMONGST OTHER TRAUMATIC MICROAGRESSIONS THAT MADE ME QUESTION A CAREER IN HOLLYWOOD”

Oh dear … shiz in a wig?

Wig? Snatched… and then shit in. And it continued as more and more of Lea’s former co-stars took to The Twitter to, um, speak their truth. Amber Riley, who co-starred as Mercedes, posted this photo:

And here’s another from Dabier who guest-starred on an episode of Glee:

“GIRL YOU WOULDNT LET ME SIT AT THE TABLE WITH THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS CAUSE “I DIDNT BELONG THERE” FUCK YOU LEA”

But it wasn’t just Glee actors coming for Lea; her former co-star on the short-lived 2017 show, The Mayor, Yvette Nicole Brown, responded to Samey’s original Tweet with this dig:

“I felt every one of those capital letters.”

And then came Jeanté Godlock who was a ‘background’ actor, though Lea called them other names:

“did somebody say cockroaches? because that’s what she used to refer to the background as on the set of glee. but we grow up and we don’t stay background forever sooooo...”

Actress Angela Sauceda has her own less-than-gleeful tale:

“Been telling people this for years. I worked with her once. She literally would only speak to me through her assistant. Just not addressing my presence. She was two feet away.”

Now, to be fair, stories about Lea’s giant ego and rude behavior have been floating around for years, but it took her own BLM comment for many people of color who worked alongside Lea to say ‘enough’ … except for HelloFresh, the meal-kit company, for whom Lea had been a representative; they dropped her ad campaign saying:

“HelloFresh does not condone racism nor discrimination of any kind. We are disheartened and disappointed to learn of the recent claims concerning Lea Michele. We take this very seriously, and have ended our partnership with Lea Michele, effective immediately.”

And with no job to go to, Lea Michele has issued a faux-pology:

“One of the most important lessons of the last few weeks is that we need to take the time to listen and learn about other people’s perspectives and any role we have played or anything we can do to help address the injustices that they face.

When I tweeted the other day, it was meant to be a show of support for our friends and neighbors and communities of color during this really difficult time, but the responses I received to what I posted have made me also focus specifically on how my own behavior towards fellow cast members was perceived by them.

While I don’t remember ever making this specific statement and I have never judged others by their background or color of their skin, that’s not really the point. What matters is that I clearly acted in ways which hurt other people.

Whether it was my privileged position and perspective that caused me to be perceived as insensitive or inappropriate at times or whether it was just my immaturity and me just being unnecessarily difficult, I apologize for my behavior and for any pain which I have caused. We all can grow and change and I have definitely used these past several months to reflect on my own shortcomings.

I am a couple of months from becoming a mother and I know I need to keep working to better myself and take responsibility for my actions, so that I can be a real role model for my child and so I can pass along my lessons and mistakes, so that they can learn from me. I listened to these criticisms and I am learning and while I am very sorry, I will be better in the future from this experience.”

Hey Lea, howsabout a little less “perceived as insensitive” and a little more “I was a bitch and I’m sorry.”

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

A few weeks back we learned that the marriage of Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich isn’t so joyful. She came out as bisexual and then he said he wanted to explore his sexuality; out of a need to be helpful, I offered to help Brooks.

But now it’s worse … they’ve taken a page from Bruce and Demi, by self-isolating in separate states. While Brooks is in Idaho with their dog, Julianne is in LA … walking around with British actor Ben Barnes.

Yeah, this sounds like a stable union and, um, Brooks, again, if you need help with the exploration, I have some experience in that field.

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And Contagion Paltrow is back in the gossip for being an idiot. I know, nothing new, but still … It seems that  lifestyle “expert” Gwyneth Paltrow has donated a dress she wore to the Oscars once and it’ll be auctioned off for charity, But the rub is, it’s a dress Contagion herself has called ugly, so, yeah, why not auction it off …? She let everyone know with this:

“In an effort to focus on organizations providing food assistance, I have joined the All In Challenge which raising money for Meals On Wheels, No Kid Hungry, WC Kitchen, Feeding America, and America’s Food Fund. I am donating a dress I wore to the Oscars (and that holds great sentimental value!) which I will personally hand to you over a cup of tea or a glass of wine.”

In 2000, Gwyneth wore this plain Calvin Klein dress to the Oscars. No, not that pink-as-pale-dead skin nighty looking mess she wore the year before when she stole Cate Blanchett’s Oscar won Best Actress for Shakespeare in Love. This 2000 dress was a basic bitch dress that one might wear to a sixth-grade dance …and get laughed out of the room.

Yes; Contagion  decided to auction off that dress—which appeared on several Worst Dressed Lists—saying it’s a “good one to donate” because its “end of the 90s” style has since made a comeback. Is it, though? I mean, because back in 2013 when asked what she thought were her worst fashion moments, she said:

“Two that come to mind are looks I wore to the Oscars in 2000 and 2002. The first is the Calvin Klein. It’s an okay dress but not Oscars material. I chose it because I wanted to disappear that year.”

Honey, we wanted you to disappear, too. But which is it, a beautiful nod to the 90s coming back around again, or a nothing little thing that makes no impact?

Must be the latter because why else would you donate it to charity?

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I like Reese Witherspoon as an actress, kind of. I mean, not the Legally Blond Reese but the Big Little Lies Reese because she was kind of a bitch, so probably more like the real deal. But I did take issue with 2013 Reese—who might have been saved from embarrassment if she’d worn Paltrow’s dress and become invisible—when she and her husband, Jim Toth, were pulled over for driving like drinks and behaving like drinks in Atlanta.

Jim was arrested for DUI and failure to maintain a lane while driving and Reese was charged with disorderly conduct and perhaps for slurring to police officers who were cuffing her:

“Don’t you know who I am?”

“You’re drunk off her ass Reese Witherspoon.”

Well, Reese made an appearance on Jameela Jamil’s podcast, I Weigh with Jameela Jamil, in which Jamil asked her about that infamous run-in with the law:

“It was so embarrassing and dumb, but you know what—[it] turns out I breathe air. I bleed the same way. I make dumb decisions. I make great decisions. I’m just a human being. We’re all just the same as each other and we’re all trying to find what our special skills are. My special skill is storytelling but that doesn’t mean I’m a special person.”

Nice, but, um, Reese, while you’re human and we’re all human, I don’t think the vast majority of us, pulled over because our husband was so drunk he couldn’t stay on the road, and so drunk ourselves that, instead of saying ‘Sorry,’ we played the Fame Card.

That was all you, and it was pathetic.

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Ellen DeGeneres has the reputation of being the nicest woman on TV, but is she? Really? Ellen recently caught flak by claiming she felt like she was in jail for having to self-isolate in one of her many mansions, and now this:

Apparently numerous inside sources from Ellen’s show have given an inside peek at what it’s like working for her during the COVID-19 shutdown. And if they’re telling the truth, then Ellen might want to go ahead and get a hoodie made up that says, “Be kind to one another, with the exception of most of the people who work on my show.”

The core stage crew of Ellen is made up of roughly 30 employees, but since the show went audience-less about a month ago Ellen has been broadcasting from the Big House—well, one of her big houses—and conducting interviews with guests via satellite. So, only four core crew members are working on the remote broadcast, which means at least 26 are stuck at home and wondering what’s going to happen to them, but …

According to anonymous sources—employees who still work for the show and want to keep it that way—if they reach out to producers to inquire about work hours, pay, or questions regarding their mental and physical health they get no response. Morale got worse when the furloughed crew members heard that Ellen had ALLEGEDLY hired a non-union company to assist with her at-home broadcast, instead of bringing back her unionized crew members.  To make matters worse, while Ellen is making a little more money hiring non-union workers, her employees will be taking a 60% pay cut.

Why do that, Ellen? To avoid paying your employees and line your pockets with extra coins? Doesn’t seem so nice now, does she? On the upside, as soon as reports surfaced about the crew having their wages cut—while Ellen took no such pay decrease—producers suddenly announced that the pay cut was over, and the crew would receive their back pay.

Ellen ALLEGEDLY makes $50 million a year from her TV show and is worth an estimated $330 million. Surely, she could afford to take a little pay cut and help out her crew? Like Jimmy Kimmel, who has been paying his furloughed stagehands out of his own pockets.

Maybe Jimmy should be hailed as the Nicest Person in show business and Ellen should be placed in the Scrooge McDuck category.

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On the most recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes 35-year-old Khloé Kardastrophe talked about wanting more babies and suggested that maybe she would need to “borrow” sperm from the father of her baby daddy and serial cheater Tristan Thompson, to make a new baby sibling for little True.

First off, you dim bulb, lay off the fillers. When you child grows up, she’ll look nothing like your plastic face and wonder if you’re her real mommy.

Secondly, if you borrow sperm that means you have to give it back. I guess your education didn’t reach that far.

Thirdly, by all means make another baby with a man who cheated on his first baby mama with you, while she was pregnant, and then cheated on you with another woman while you were pregnant.

Keep making those good choices, hon, you’re a role model for famewhores everywhere.

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Earlier this month when we learned that Bruce Willis was quarantining in Idaho with his ex-wife Demi Moore and their adult children while his current wife, Emma Heming Willis and their two young daughters  were in Los Angeles. And Demi-Bruce spawn, Scout, one of the older girls, is explaining things:

“It’s been so funny because to me they’re just like my super fucking weird parents but to everyone else, they’re at this different level. “It’s actually been really cool. My stepmom was supposed to come up here with my little sisters but my younger sister, who is now about to be [6] years old, at a park, had never gotten the talk about not fucking with hypothermic [sic] needles that she found so she actually tried to poke her shoe with it and poked her foot. So, my stepmom had to be in LA waiting to get the results from taking her to the doctor so my dad came up here and then travel got crazy, so my stepmom stayed in LA with my little sisters.”

Look, I‘m’a admit something: I rarely lie, though I can make up a good story, but I am a good liar. Thing is, you gotta keep it simple because you start embellishing and the details overwhelm the lie.

So, um, Scout, WTF kinda park does your stepmother take her child to that has hypodermic needles on the ground? And how is a six-year-old left alone long enough to touch the needle and then stick herself with it? And if Bruce was already in Idaho when this happened, and he’s been in Idaho since March, why didn’t he just drive his back to L.A. when he learned that his daughter might have contracted hepatitis or worse from stabbing herself in the foot with a used syringe?

Yeah, Scout, that’s a nice try …

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I loathe Taylor Swift, but then I read this, and while I still loathe her, I found it funny, narcissistic, and just plain ridiculous.

I also loathe Justin Bieber, but then I read this, and while I still loathe himr, I found it funny, narcissistic, and just plain ridiculous

Rumor has it that Swifty tried to have Justin Bieber and his entourage kicked out of the Dogpound Gym in West Hollywood so she could work out in private. Her request was denied.

Anyway, Justin was “working out” when Swifty showed up for her work-out with a trainer—which was mostly just posing while people tried to make her look interesting—and she wanted the gym shut down for her personal private use only. And everyone—including the Biebs—was told to vamoose because Taylor had an appointment.

Well, Justin pipsqueaked up and said he was going to finish his “work out” and then and only then would he leave. And Justin, who did not have an appointment, finished and left and Taylor got in her “work out.”

Wow, who to pick in this scuffle … which side to take … Oh yeah, I’m #TeamNoOne.

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While the old adage that there’s a sucker born every minute was proven true once more now that GOOP’s coochie candles sold out, we know that one Martha Stewart never bought one and never will.

On a recent Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Martha opened up an enormous can of shade about Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest attention beg:

“I’m sure it’s sold out. She does that kind of irritating … she’s trying to zhush up the public to listen to her. And that’s great, I mean, let her do her thing. I wouldn’t buy that candle.”

And when Andy Cohen asked Martha what it said about America that people were buying a candle that smelled of GOOP cooch, Martha said:

“I think it’s just a lot of guys who are horny.”

Buy a GOOP Cooch Candle™, grab some lube and tissues and have a tug, eh Martha?

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While we’re all waiting for that new Adele album to drop, there’s some other new music you might wanna get your paws on. After months of teasing the public, Lindsay Lohan has let fans … Fans? Plural? … know that her newest album will be out at the end of next month.

Get in line now, it’s sure to sell out faster than Lindsey’s Vagina Candle which smelled of weed and Stoli and bar mats.

While we know that Lohan signed with a record label last June … ALLEGEDLY …  and she did release a new single, the “wildly” popular …at least with Lohans … Xanax, last September, here we are, a month into the New Year and where’s the album, LiLo?

Lindsay let the 700 people who follow her on WorldofLindsayLohan know that her newest album is dropping in February. 

She didn’t say what year, however, so maybe don’t get in line just yet.

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What? She fooled us? She wasn’t a spoiled drunken stupid party girl, but rather a simple girl with simple needs all this time?

Apparently so, because … wait for it, it’s rich or at least it pretends to be … Paris Hilton now claims her whole life up until right this minute was an act! At least that’s what she’s claiming in the upcoming documentary This Is Paris, and she is out pushing this thing with all kinds of revelations:

“I’ve never done anything like this in my life. In this film, I discuss things I’ve never discussed before. I hope that people are going to see who I truly am.”

A shallow vapid useless splotch of DNA? Honey, we already knew that.

But Paris swears the documentary follows her in “real life,” and that, well, let’s have her say because every time I try I start laughing so hard I can’t type:

“It follows me in my real life, everything I’ve done before was me playing a character. I was talking about things that are very hard to talk about. It was an amazing experience but it was very scary. I was freaking out.”

Paris also swears she was in on the “joke” that she was some dimwitted blond dye job with no discernible intellect or talent or use.

This Is Paris will debut on YouTube in May—so you know it’s the truth—and afterwards Paris will begin working in soup kitchen in South Central while getting a Masters in Social Work, opening up her Beverly Hills manse to immigrant refugees, and donating a lung to a needy child.

Seriously. ALLEGEDLY.

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Hockey player, Brooks Laich and his wife, actress[?], Julianne Hough, have been having marital problems or something because she’s doing that Oops, I forgot my wedding ring thing celebrities do; oh, and sources, I believe them to be Julianne Hough, say there have been marital issues for months.

Brooks has a podcast, upon which he often has Julianne and they discuss everything, but this marital strife is on the down low? Or, is it Brooks? While Julianne has said before that she’s not completely straight, Brooks is now suggesting that he’s like to explore his sexuality.

Brooks recently spoke with Gavin DeGraw on his How Men Think podcast and talked about how he isn’t “100 percent fully expressed” in terms of his true sexuality and that now he will do a “pleasure first” route in his choices. What does that mean? Well, Brook said it like this:

“One of my goals this year is to really explore like, learning about sexuality … People think that sexuality is just the act of sex, of just having sex and there’s so much more to it. Here’s a question … Are you fully 100% fully expressed in your true sexuality? With your partner? With everything? You could not imagine having a better sex life? Are you truly there? … I’m not either. So that’s what one of my goals this year is to really dive into.”

Does he want kink or does he want dick?

I’d offer to lend a hand …or whatever …either way.

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