Bobservations

This Tale of Tuxedo is from June 2009 and entitled The Tuesday Tuxedo:

I loves me some Tuxedo.

We rescued him from life as a blood donor in an animal hospital in Miami. They said he was mean; unadoptable....is that a word? Nothing but trouble. And he was, for the first few days.

Now, four years later he's a loving cat who follows you around the house, sits in the kitchen when you cook, and plays catch the reflection in the bathroom before we go to bed.

He's my boy. I call him 'My boy' just to irk Carlos, and it does.

But anyway, enough of the love story between me and el gato. What I wanted to point out was how he sits at the top of the chair in our home office; his hind claws dug in for support and his front legs dangling down either side.

Cute. Right?

Not so much. He sits like that because he was declawed by a veterinarian who thought it might make him a better candidate for adoption. You know, less mean and aggressive. So they cut off his fingers; cat's claws are not like our fingernails, they are like our fingers. Cats use them to scratch and groom themselves, to pick up things, to play with things, and for protection. Cutting off his fingers wasn't a good idea. It didn't make him less aggressive, it made him more aggressive because now he has only his back feet and claws to use as a defense.

So, if you have a cat or want a cat, don't, don't, let anyone talk you into cutting off their fingers. If you want to declaw a cat because you have a leather sofa, or pretty velvet drapes, then either get rid of the cat or get rid of the couch and drapes. Or do like Carlos and I have done, train your cats not to claw the furniture. Because even though they don't show it, they are listening.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

When bullets fly where old powerful white men gather, suddenly a ballroom is a necessary solution but when school kids are targeted those same old powerful white men are speechless. 

Ernie Dosio, a millionaire big game hunter was out shooting yellow-backed duiker, a species of antelope, in Gabon when he and his guide surprised five female elephants with a calf in the Lope-Okanda rainforest.

He was trampled to death by that herd of elephants; the guide was left severely injured in the attack.

Sorry, not sorry.

Instead of going after Comey for a photo of seashells, they should be investigating the current President for threatening to kill an entire civilization.

PS 86 is a restaurant term for being out of something—86 soup means you’re out of soup—it has never meant kill.

Former Friends star Lisa Kudrow has revealed what kind of residuals the stars are earning now, twenty years after the show ended its run.

Sidenote: the cast renegotiated their contracts after the first year as a team so they would all be paid the same amount of money and each received $1 million an episode.

Now, as the show thrives in reruns each Friend still collects a whopping $20 million a year in residuals.

I knew I should have gotten the part on that show when I auditioned, but they went with Aniston instead!

Bobby Kennedy shared a screenshot of his father, RFK Jr.’s message after the “shooting” over the weekend; Bobby wrote:

"Pops you OK"

RFK Jr.'s current wife, actor Cheryl Hines, responded:

"Yes! Was crazy! Bobby’s security team came in so fast & took us out of the building. They were lifting me over chairs!"

When RFK Jr. finally responded, he gave his status:

"im really hungry"

Doesn’t sound so dangerous after all.

Luc Defont-Saviard is a prominent French fashion model recognized for his work with top luxury brands and international fashion houses and who lives in Nice, France; Nice is nice so Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

This Tale of Carlos is about Carlos and Thomas, the cat.

Years before Carlos and I met, he would walk his dog through the neighborhood and one day he came upon this very large cat sitting on a fence post. As he and the dog passed the cat jumped down and followed them. On the return trip home, the cat climbed back onto the fence post to ... wait for someone else I guess?

This happened for weeks and each day the cat would follow Carlos and the dog closer to Carlos’ house until one day he came into the house and never left. Thomas, he was named, and Carlos took him to the animal hospital where he worked to see if Thomas could be adopted out since no one from the neighborhood claimed him. Carlos gave Thomas in a cat bed on the counter but Thomas wouldn’t lay down; he sat upright and refused to move until a client came in and then he’d scare them by turning his head—many thought he was a stuffed cat.

But no one took him home so Carlos kept him, and I met him a few years later and he was a beast, but a lovable beast. He liked to travel the neighborhood and lay in people’s yards but then come home to us for dinner sand bed. One day Thomas didn’t return and a neighbor came to tell us that their dog had chased Thomas, who by then was too old to run fast, and killed him. The neighbor assumed that a silk orchid and a Publix gift card was the right gift for having your cat killed.

Carlos and I cried because the beast was gone but he had a darn fine life with Carlos, and then me and the dog and seven other cats.

And here he is …

This Tale of Tuxedo is from way back in June 2009 …

Apparently somebody had a rough night, because, right after breakfast, he was back in bed. Perhaps this explains the empty bottle of vodka I found under the couch.

He was his daddy’s boy!

Caitlyn Jenner recently admitted to something we all knew … she’s a hypocrite, who worked against transwomen in sports while she played in the Pro/Am golf circuit … and now she’s playing the Poor Me card. See, she is begging Cankles for help after the gender marker on her passport was changed from female to male and crying about it on Fox News:

“Recently, I had my passport, I had to get it renewed. I sent it back, comes back gender marker ‘M’ … So now … what do I do? This is a safety factor. I can’t travel internationally anymore. I can’t use my passport.”

Neither can any other trans person you coward but you only care about it when it affects you personally even though you voted for it.

Take a fucking seat.

A little-known fact about me was that I ran track in high school and college. I was pretty good except for when we had meets against this other school and I always placed second to this other guy. No matter how I tried I could never ever get ahead of him and to this day I cannot think of why that happened.

That Woman’s facelift is ALLEGEDLY not keeping up with the Kardashian matriarch. Rumor has is that she is very unhappy that her $100,000 facelift is failing almost a year after getting the procedure done. And so now she’s looking into a “revision” after comparing her results to those of her fellow celebrities …

… Before her new face completely slides off and reveals her actual lizard mug.

See, l

Poor Kristi DogKiller Noem has had a rough few weeks ... after getting fired mid-speech at a Nashville conference ... and after ALLEGEDLY finding out about her husband Bryon’s bimbofication fetish ... after claiming to be “blindsided” by Byron’s addiction until the story broke that Bryon had gone to a Christian-based counseling back rehab in January which she knew about.

See, like Cankles, when Kristi’s lips move she’s either lying or blowing Corey on a jet. But now it appears that Cankles—who humiliated her by promising  a fake job to make sure she missed the filing deadline to run for a Senate seat—is about to hire Cameron Hamilton to run FEMA … a year after Noem fired him from that job.

Karma is a bitch, and somewhere Cricket the dog is laughing!

Remember when the Texas GOP voted to redraw the districts in their state to give an edge to the Rapist-Racist-Fascist-Pedophile In-Chief and then cheered at the thought of taking away the will of the people?

Well, in Virginia they put a redistricting measure on the ballot and the people of Virginia voted Yes.

Guess which outcome has the GOP in tears?

Matteo Ferri is a 25-year-old Italian model now based in New York City, you know, so he’s close by … soooooo, Would You Hit It?

Happy New Year

I love a New Year.

A fresh start, so to speak, and the thought of infinite possibilities, even though there is that darkness of anger and racism and greed all around us. But maybe I am a bit of a Pollyanna, I believe the times are changing; people are growing tired of division and hate, of billionaires complaining, tired of religion as politics, tired of faith being used as a weapon against women, immigrants, people of color and LGBTQ+ people.

Think of what might happen if women and people of color, immigrants and LGBTQ+ Americans, along with our allies, all stood up and voted every single time; think of the changes we could make in this country … equality, fairness, acceptance.

And, while the numbers may be adding up faster than I ever thought possible, I like the idea of being another year older, and another year wiser; okay, maybe not that older shiz. As I once told my sister, who thought I never looked any older, The Gays aren't allowed to age, so I don't mind the extra year under the belt … as long as it doesn’t puddle over my belt.

I look back on the past years, remembering the good times, the tough times, the bad and sad times, because they are all a part of life. I still wake up every morning, look out the window to that spot beneath the trees and say Hello to Tuxedo and then whisper Goodnight at the end of the day; I still miss the Pocket Dog racing through the house like a small black blur; and I miss MaxGoldberg, heavy as a cinderblock, sleeping on me at night. I still wonder every Sunday if my Dad will call for our weekly chats, but when he doesn’t, I just talk to him myself.

And even while looking back, I also look forward to doing more, and learning more, thinking more, reading more, loving more, laughing more. These aren't resolutions, as I don't make resolutions because when I do, they last about as long as it takes me to say ‘resolution.’ These are promises and wishes, hopes and dreams, positive thoughts that 2026 will be a far better year for all of us, around the world, than 2025.

So, I'll leave you all to have a good day, with a repost of some New Year’s Day thoughts:

The more things change :::blibbety blah blay bloo touch me::: the more they remain the same:  I am a believer in happiness. My parents raised their children to believe that happiness is all we really get in life, and that everything else follows. 

Things don't make us happy, at least not for long. And you can't expect people to make you happy either; you either have it to begin with, and others add to it, or you don't. If you don't believe that, just look around at all the sad, angry, lonely faces you pass on the street. Happiness is something you possess, that you give out, and get back. But we are each responsible for our own happiness; responsible to find it, to hold on to it; to nurture it and share it.

Without happiness in ourselves, for being ourselves, how can we expect to live fully and completely? We suffer loss every day; I've had my share and, sad to say, I know there's more to come, but I feel happy in the memories I have of those who've gone on ahead. I still, even as I reread this from years past, mourn the loss of my father; he would have loved the Dodgers winning the World Series and he would have screamed at America once again for believing a liar.

I like to think things will get better, though it might not be the better I was thinking it would be, but I have seen tough times and I have seen them get better, so I will remain hopeful, because of the things I have learned.

I learned, from my Father the Teacher, never to stop learning and reading and speaking and, well, ranting; the more you learn, the more you grow, and understand, the more happiness you can accept. I've also learned that the best thing you can do for the people you love is to be there when they need you.

I learned, from my Mother the Nurturer, to care for things, for people, for animals, for life; to make each day better for those around us, and to make it better for ourselves in the end. I have learned to hold family close; never let them go; whether it's the family you were born into, or the family you created out of necessity; hold on to them, and protect them, and love them. 

I learned, from my Sister the Temper, to speak up; why sit quietly and let things happen to you? Stand up and demand the things you want, the happiness you want. Don't settle. 

I learned, from my Brother … well, let’s just say he taught me that people change dramatically … they ignore science, even after contracting COVID; that people who never voted will support a traitorous rapist racist. He taught me that people change, and not always for the better, but we are all human and perhaps one day he will change again.

I learned from the Blog People that, while we all may have different lives and different backgrounds and different ideas, we can communicate and listen and learn. I thank all of you for your blogs and the things you say that make me laugh and smile, cry and rant, learn, and even sometimes sing and dance.

I learned from the pets we lost in the last few years ... MaxGoldberg, Tuxedo, and Ozzo ... and the others we've lost through the years that sheer, unmitigated joy and pure unconditional love are real things to be accepted and given right back. 

I learned, from my Husband the Optimist, how to actually let go and be in love and damn the torpedoes; how to be open and honest and know that it won't hurt; how to love yourself, and everyone around you; how to take what you’re given, the good and the bad, and live with it, and adapt to it. His eyesight is almost nearly gone and yet he soldiers on, telling people that he may be losing his eyesight, but not his vision.

So, I once again realize that I have learned to be happy; I've earned happiness and I am responsible for keeping it. It is, after all, all you really get in life.

Happy. New Year.

xoxo

Bob, Carlos, Consuelo and Rosita.

Thank.Full.

I first posted a version of this back in Ott-Eight, a few days after I started this here blog thing … cripes, I’ve been doing this for seventeen years … and have edited it, as need be, and reposted it every year to remind me of where I was then, what I thought then, and what I wanted out of life. And every year as I repost it, I realize that the more things change the more they stay the same.

Now, not to brag, but I've been told that I am an extremely polite person. I was raised on Please and Thank you, Yes Ma'am, No Sir, and I still act that way today.

True story: I was selected for jury duty when we lived in Miami and when it was my turn to be questioned, I stood up in the very narrow aisle and put my hands behind my back. As I was questioned, I replied Yes sir and No Sir. The judge stopped and smiled.

"Are you in the military?" he asked.

"No, sir" I said. "I was raised by a military man and a Southern woman."

True story: A few years before that, while living in California, I was in a grocery store buying a birthday cake for a coworker. I asked if I may please order a cake. May I please have a name iced onto it? I ‘Pleased’ and ‘Thank you'd’ my way through the entire process and finally as the girl was leaving to finish my order, she turned and said, “I think you are the politest person I've ever waited on."

I smiled and said, "Could you just shut up, please, and ice my damn cake!"

When all else fails I slip into sarcasm. That's my motto, and I’m thankful for that, too, but I digress.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, probably because there are no gifts involved, except for the gift of time and good food and drink; time spent with loved ones and friends; the gift of thanks. A day of thanks; a truly American holiday, like 4th of July, but one we celebrate not with picnics and beer, firecrackers and sparklers, but with a meal shared with friends and family, and pets, always the pets.

I have so much to be thankful for again this year. Yes, the usual family and friends and health and happiness, blah blah blah, everyone says that …

My father was a tough man who may not have expressed love openly often—though his last words to me were “I love you.”—but he did so when it was important.

The day I came out to him, he said, “You’re my son and I love you.”

The day I move to Miami to start this life with Carlos, he said, “Be happy. I love you.”

The day Carlos and I got married, he said, “I love you both.’

I am thankful for the time and the years and the memories.

I am thankful for this link around the world that I have found with bloggers, where I find people very different from myself, and people very much like myself, and we all co-exist peacefully. I still miss the glorious Anne Marie and her love for F-bombs and disdain for ABBA, something we shared, and I am grateful for the bloggers who still blog and the words and opinions and jokes and Candy Shop photos they share.

As a gay man I know all too well that … cue PSA music … It Gets Better.

Twenty-four years ago, when we began this ride, Carlos and I couldn’t be legally married anywhere in America, and here we are now, married for ten years … in South Carolina of all places. I am thankful for that every day and will fight to the death anyone who thinks our marriage can somehow be erase. Carlos and I are husband and husband and that’s how it will stay. That bell cannot be unrung, no matter who says what. No matter who sits on the Supreme Court.

Trust. And be thankful.

I am thankful for the years I had with my sister—I miss her every single day—because of the things she taught me and continues to teach me. I am grateful to her four daughters, all of whom she raised so well that when Carlos and I told them we were getting married, they all responded, “Now he really is our Uncle.”

I am thankful to my Mom, especially today. Thanksgiving was her holiday; cooking for her family was my mother’s greatest joy and a great gift to all of us. I am thankful that I can keep that tradition alive and can see my Mom in myself as Carlos and I cook dinner for our friends. I am thankful for her kindness, even to those who were unkind to her; I am grateful for her laughter, which I can still hear in my head, and the way she would say, ‘Bye-bye, sweetie, I love you,’ as we ended a phone call.

I am thankful for icy cold mornings and clear blue skies … colored leaves falling. I am thankful for Consuelo and Rosita because, well, I'm bigger than them and I will always beat them ... just channeling a little Joan Crawford and Christina at the pool.

I am thankful being ‘Dad’ to The Great tuxedo, MaxGoldberg, and Ozzo, for their entire lives, and for the joy they brought into our lives every single day. If you pay attention, you can really learn something about people from your pets, and not just unconditional love …

I am thankful for Carlos. Every.Single.Day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am to have him; even the days when he makes me insane … more insane. I realize I’d rather be driven nuts by him for a moment than not to have him in my life at all. I am thankful for the smirk he gives me; I am thankful for the look of horror on his face when I bust out a showtune; I am just plain thankful. I don’t know where I’d be, or who I’d be, if I hadn’t met him all those years ago.

I am thankful for music and pets and soft blankets and breathing and speaking, and having a voice to use, and use often. I realize we are once again facing a tough time in this country; we are once again facing division; we are still seeing our Black and Brown brothers and sisters killed by police, and self-entitled crybaby vigilantes; we are still seeing our trans brothers and sisters murdered; we still see hate; we are seeing hatred towards refugees fleeing their homeland to come to a country built by immigrants and slaves.

But I remain hopeful, hope filled, and thankful, that this country, most of this country, will once again stand against that hate and divisiveness; I am thankful that we will stand for one another and not against one another; that we will stand up to those who hate; speak out against those who use fear to intimidate others; resist those who are untruthful. I am thankful that more people are standing up for those who may not feel like anyone would ever stand for them.

I am thankful for being woke. Yes, I am thankful for that … and thinking being feeling loving breathing laughing crying living and speaking.

For Life … and all it encompasses.

To Life.

Thanks.

PS We are once again celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow with chosen family members and friends and then I'm taking the weekend off. 

Have a thankful day and I'll see y'all on Monday.

Why Is It ...

… that pets are great for companionship or if you want to trip and die while moving from room to room  … and I am looking at you Consuelo!

… that people forget that I will match their respect but I will top their disrespect; don’t play with me.

… that my top three assumptions at the sound of a doorbell are: 1. It’s a murderer; 2. It’s the police telling me someone has died; or 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking has arrived.

… that people don’t understand that I identify as clumsy and my pronouns are Oops, Ouch and Oh no!

… that when people think my post is about them I ask them why? Did they find something in their size? Something from our new Guilty Conscience Collection.

… that while I am mentally at the beach, physically I am at a meeting I didn’t ask for.

… that some people don’t get that I am not saying I hate you, I’m just saying that if I had to choose between saving you and a cactus, I’d water the cactus.

… that you need to realize that I don’t start drama, I just finish it with better comebacks.

… that you don’t see that I am not ignoring you, I’m just giving you the time to realize how irrelevant you are to me.

… that it infuriates me that Chicken Lips went to HR and now we can’t use nicknames at work any more.

Happy New Year

I love a New Year.

A fresh start, so to speak, and the thought of infinite possibilities, even though there is that darkness of anger and racism and greed all around us. But maybe I am a bit of a Pollyanna, I believe times are changing; people are growing tired of division and hate, of billionaires complaining, tired of religion as politics, tired of faith being used as a weapon against women, immigrants, people of color and LGBTQ+ people.

Think of what might happen if women and people of color, immigrants and LGBTQ+ Americans, along with our allies, all stood up and voted every single time; think of the changes we could make in this country … equality, fairness, acceptance.

And, while the numbers may be adding up faster than I ever thought possible, I like the idea of being another year older, and another year wiser; okay, maybe not that older shiz. As I once told my sister, who thought I never looked any older, The Gays aren't allowed to age, so I don't mind the extra year under the belt … as long as it doesn’t puddle over my belt.

I look back on the past year, remembering the good times, the tough times, the bad and sad times, because they are all a part of life. I still wake up every morning, look out the window to his spot beneath the trees and say Hello to Tuxedo and then whisper Goodnight atm the end of the day; I still miss the Pocket Dog racing through the house like a small black blur; and I miss MaxGoldberg, heavy as a cinderblock, sleeping on me at night.

And yet while looking back, I also look forward to doing more, and learning more, thinking more, reading more, loving more, laughing more. These aren't resolutions, as I don't make resolutions because when I do, they last about as long as it takes me to say ‘resolution.’ These are promises and wishes, hopes and dreams, positive thoughts that 2025 will be a far better year for all of us, around the world, than 2024.

So, I'll leave you all to have a good day, with a repost of some New Year’s Day thoughts:

The more things change :::blibbety blah blay bloo touch me::: the more they remain the same:  I am a believer in happiness. My parents raised their children to believe that happiness is all we really get in life, and that everything else follows. 

Things don't make us happy, at least not for long. And you can't expect people to make you happy either; you either have it to begin with, and others add to it, or you don't. If you don't believe that, just look around at all the sad, angry, lonely faces you pass on the street. Happiness is something you possess, that you give out, and get back. But we are each responsible for our own happiness; responsible to find it, to hold on to it; to nurture it and share it.

Without happiness in ourselves, for being ourselves, how can we expect to live fully and completely? We suffer loss every day; I've had my share and, sad to say, I know there's more to come, but I feel happy in the memories I have of those who've gone on ahead. I still, even as I reread this from years past, mourn the loss of my father; he would have loved the Dodgers winning the World Series and he would have screamed at America once again for believing a liar.

I like to think things will get better, though it might not be the better I was thinking it would be, but I have seen tough times and I have seen them get better, so I will remain hopeful, because of the things I have learned.

I learned, from my Father the Teacher, never to stop learning and reading and speaking and, well, ranting; the more you learn, the more you grow, and understand, the more happiness you can accept. I've also learned that the best thing you can do for the people you love is to be there when they need you.

I learned, from my Mother the Nurturer, to care for things, for people, for animals, for life; to make each day better for those around us, and to make it better for ourselves in the end. I have learned to hold family close; never let them go; whether it's the family you were born into, or the family you created out of necessity; hold on to them, and protect them, and love them. 

I learned, from my Sister the Temper, to speak up; why sit quietly and let things happen to you? Stand up and demand the things you want, the happiness you want. Don't settle. 

I learned, from my Brother … well, let’s just say he taught me that people change dramatically … they ignore science, even after contracting COVID; that people who never voted will support a traitorous rapist racist. He taught me that people change, and not always for the better, but we are all human and perhaps one day he will change again.

I learned from the Blog People that, while we all may have different lives and different backgrounds and different ideas, we can communicate and listen and learn. I thank all of you for your blogs and the things you say that make me laugh and smile, cry and rant, learn, and even sometimes sing and dance.

I learned from the pets we lost in the last year or so ... MaxGoldberg, Tuxedo, and Ozzo ... and the ones we've lost through the years that sheer, unmitigated joy and pure unconditional love are real things to be accepted and given right back. 

I learned, from my Husband the Optimist, how to actually let go and be in love and damn the torpedoes; how to be open and honest and know that it won't hurt; how to love yourself, and everyone around you; how to take what you’re given, the good and the bad, and live with it, and adapt to it. His eyesight continues to worsen with each passing year and yet he soldiers on, telling people that he may be losing his eyesight, but not his vision.

So, I once again realize that I have learned to be happy; I've earned happiness and I am responsible for keeping it. It is, after all, all you really get in life.

Happy. New Year.

xoxo

Bob, Carlos, Consuelo and Rosita.

Thank.Full.

I first posted a version of this back in Ott-Eight, a few days after I started this here blog thing … cripes, I’ve been doing this sixteen years … and have edited it, as need be, and reposted it every year to remind me of where I was then, what I thought then, and what I wanted out of life. And every year as I repost it, I realize that the more things change the more they stay the same.

Now, not to brag, but I've been told that I am an extremely polite person. I was raised on Please and Thank  You, Yes Ma'am, No Sir, and I still act that way today.

True story: I was selected for jury duty when we lived in Miami and when it was my turn to be questioned, I stood up in the very narrow aisle and put my hands behind my back. As I was questioned, I replied Yes sir and No Sir. The judge stopped and smiled.

"Are you in the military?" he asked.

"No, sir" I said. "I was raised by a military man and a Southern woman."

True story: A few years before that, while living in California, I was in a grocery store buying a birthday cake for a coworker. I asked if I may please order a cake. May I please have a name iced onto it? I ‘Pleased’ and ‘Thank you'd’ my way through the entire process and finally as the girl was leaving to finish my order, she turned and said, “I think you are the politest person I've ever waited on."

I smiled and said, "Could you just shut up, please, and ice my damn cake!"

When all else fails I slip into sarcasm. That's my motto, and I’m thankful for that, too, but I digress.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, probably because there are no gifts involved, except for the gift of time and good food and drink; time spent with loved ones and friends; the gift of thanks. A day of thanks; a truly American holiday, like 4th of July, but one we celebrate not with picnics and beer, firecrackers and sparklers, but with a meal shared with friends and family, and pets, always the pets.

I have so much to be thankful for again this year. Yes, the usual family and friends and health and happiness, blah blah blah, everyone says that, but this year, with the exception of another awful day in February … my least favorite month.

One of those bad days is nearly two years past, the day Tuxedo left us, and it still hits me every single day; but I am thankful for the many years with the Greatest Cat Ever, and his little buddy MaxGoldberg, who left us in 2022, and for Ozzo, that wee black dog that used to tear across the back yard with a four-foot tree branch in his mouth begging to play fetch.

And that bad February day this year when my father passed away. I was lucky—is lucky the right word—to be sitting at his side when he passed, just like I had done when my mother died in 2007; I felt them leave, felt that love, and was thankful for having them in my life all those years, and since then.

My father was a tough man who may not have expressed love openly often—though his last words to me were “I love you.”—but he did so when it was important.

The day I came out to him, he said, “You’re my son and I love you.”

The day I move to Miami to start this life with Carlos, he said, “Be happy. I love you.”

The day Carlos and I got married, he said, “I love you both.’

I am thankful for the time and the years and the memories.

I am thankful for this link around the world that I have found with bloggers, where I find people very different from myself, and people very much like myself, and we all co-exist peacefully. I still miss the glorious Anne Marie and her love for F-bombs and disdain for ABBA, something we shared, and I am grateful for the bloggers who still blog and the words and opinions and jokes and Candy Shop photos they share.

As a gay man I know all too well that … cue PSA music … It Gets Better.

Twenty-four years ago, when we began this ride, Carlos and I couldn’t be legally married anywhere in America, and here we are now, married for nine years … in South Carolina of all places. I am thankful for that every day and will fight to the death anyone who thinks our marriage can somehow be erased. Carlos and I are husband and husband and that’s how it will stay. That bell cannot be unrung, no matter who says what. No matter who sits on the Supreme Court.

Trust. And be thankful.

I am thankful for the years I had with my sister—I miss her every single day—because of the things she taught me and continues to teach me. I am grateful to her four daughters, all of whom she raised so well that when Carlos and I told them we were getting married, they all responded, “Now he really is our Uncle.”

I am thankful to my Mom, especially today. Thanksgiving was her holiday; cooking for her family was my mother’s greatest joy and a great gift to all of us. I am thankful that I can keep that tradition alive and can see my Mom in myself as Carlos and I cook dinner for our friends. I am thankful for her kindness, even to those who were unkind to her; I am grateful for her laughter, which I can still hear in my head, and the way she would say, ‘Bye-bye, sweetie, I love you,’ as we ended a phone call.

I am thankful for icy cold mornings and clear blue skies … colored leaves falling. I am thankful for Consuelo and Rosita because, well, I'm bigger than them and I will always beat them ... just channeling a little Joan Crawford and Christina at the pool.

I am thankful for Carlos. Every.Single.Day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am to have him; even the days when he makes me insane … more insane. I realize I’d rather be driven nuts by him for a moment than not to have him in my life at all. I am thankful for the smirk he gives me; I am thankful for the look of horror on his face when I bust out a showtune; I am just plain thankful. I don’t know where I’d be, or who I’d be, if I hadn’t met him all those years ago.

I am thankful for music and pets and soft blankets and breathing and speaking, and having a voice to use, and use often. I realize we are still facing a tough time in this country; we are still facing division; we are still seeing our Black and Brown brothers and sisters killed by police, and self-entitled crybaby vigilantes; we are still seeing our trans brothers and sisters murdered; we still see hate; we are seeing hatred towards refugees fleeing their homeland to come to a country built by immigrants and slaves.

But I remain hopeful, hope filled, and thankful, that this country, most of this country, will once again stand against that hate and divisiveness; I am thankful that we will stand for one another and not against one another; that we will stand up to those who hate; speak out against those who use fear to intimidate others; resist those who are untruthful. I am thankful that more people are standing up for those who may not feel like anyone would ever stand for them.

I am thankful for being woke. Yes, I am thankful for that … and thinking being feeling loving breathing laughing crying living and speaking.

For Life … and all it encompasses.

To Life.

Thanks.

PS We are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow with chosen family members and friends and then I'm taking the weekend off. 

Have a thankful day and I'll see y'all on Monday.

Just Saying ... Not My Month

 We hate February in my family.

My mother passed away in February 17 2007.

My Aunt Pam passed away February 14, 2009.

My sister Jeri passed February 1,5 2014.

My father passed away February 1, 2024.

And while some of you may not count your pets as family, I do, and so ... Tuxedo passed away February 15, 2023.

February sucks.

I was home for a long weekend last week, and am back in Oregon for a few days and then will come home for a long stretch as probate does its thing. I don't know when I'll post anything other than gloomy stuff but I will be back with snark and politics and architecture and pop culture and fun as soon as I can.

Thanks!

Happy New Year

I love a New Year.

A new start, so to speak, and the thought of infinite possibilities, even though there is still a darkness of anger and racism and greed all around us. But, maybe I am a bit of a Pollyanna, I believe times are changing; people are growing tired of billionaires whining about witch hunts, tired of religion as politics, tired of faith being used as a weapon against women. Tired of another round of battles inflicted by the right on women, and people of color and immigrants and LGBTQ+ people.

Think of what might happen of women and people of color, immigrants and LGBTQ+ Americans, along with our allies, all stood up and voted every single time; think of the changes we could make in this country … equality, fairness, acceptance.

And, while the numbers may be adding up faster than I ever thought possible, I like the idea of being another year older, and another year wiser; okay, maybe not older. As I once told my sister who thought I never seemed to age, The Gays aren't allowed to age, so I don't mind the extra year under the belt … as long as it doesn’t puddle over my belt.

I look back on the past year, remembering the good times, the hard times, the bad and sad times, because they are all apart of life. I still wake up every morning saying Hello to Tuxedo and whispering Goodnight atm the end of the day; I still miss the Pocket Dog racing through the house like a small black blur; and I miss MaxGoldberg, heavy as a cinderblock, sleeping on me at night.

And yet while looking back, I also look forward to doing more, and learning more, thinking more, reading more, loving more, laughing more. These aren't resolutions, as I don't make resolutions because when I do, they last about as long as it takes me to say ‘resolution.’ These are promises and wishes, hopes and dreams, positive thoughts that 2024 will be a far better year for all of us, around the world, than 2023.

So, I'll leave you all to have a good day, with a repost of some New Year’s Day thoughts:

The more things change :::blibbety blah blay bloo touch me::: the more they remain the same:  I am a believer in happiness. My parents raised their children to believe that happiness is all we really get in life, and that everything else follows. 

Things don't make us happy, at least not for long. And you can't expect people to make you happy either; you either have it to begin with, and others add to it, or you don't. If you don't believe that, just look around at all the sad, angry, lonely faces you pass on the street. Happiness is something you possess, that you give out, and get back. But we are each responsible for our own happiness; responsible to find it, to hold on to it; to nurture it and share it.

Without happiness in ourselves, for being ourselves, how can we expect to live fully and completely. We suffer loss every day; I've had my share and, sad to say, I know there's more to come, but I feel happy in the memories I have of those who've gone on ahead. I still, even as I reread this from years past, mourn the loss of our MaxGoldberg; that one hit me hard because he was pure happiness, and now he’s gone.

And, yes, I know it's hard to be happy when times are hard … 2020 and 2021 anybody? Sure, we have a new, better, smarter, kinder, more compassionate president, and he’s gotten a lot done, but there’s still more on his plate which makes me wonder if things will ever get better. I like to think it will, though it might not be the better I was thinking it would be, but I have seen tough times and I have seen it get better, so I will remain hopeful, because of the things I have learned.

I learned, from my Father the Teacher, never to stop learning and reading and speaking and, well, ranting; the more you learn, the more you grow, and understand, the more happiness you can accept. I've also learned that the best thing you can do for the people you love is to be there, when they need you.

I learned, from my Mother the Nurturer, to care for things, for people, for animals, for life; to make each day better for those around us, and to make it better for ourselves in the end. I have learned to hold family close; never let them go; whether it's the family you were born into, or the family you created out of necessity; hold on to them, and protect them, and love them. 

I learned, from my Sister the Temper, to speak up; why sit quietly and let things happen to you? Stand up and demand the things you want, the happiness you want. Don't settle. 

I learned, from my Brother … well, let’s just say he taught me that people change dramatically … ignore science, even after contracting COVID; that people who never voted will support a traitorous rapist racist. He taught me that people change, and not always for the better, but we are all human and perhaps one day he will change again.

I learned from the Blog People that, while we all may have different lives and different backgrounds and different ideas, we can communicate and listen and learn. I thank all of you for your blogs and the things you say that make me laugh and smile, cry and rant, learn, and even sometimes sing and dance.

I learned from the pets we lost in the last year or so ... MaxGoldberg, Tuxedo, and Ozzo ... and the ones we've lost through the years that sheer, unmitigated joy and pure unconditional love are real things to be accepted and given right back. 

I learned, from my Husband the Optimist, how to actually let go and be in love and damn the torpedoes; how to be open and honest and know that it won't hurt; how to love yourself, and everyone around you; how to take what you’re given, the good and the bad, and live with it, and adapt to it. His eyesight continues to worsen with each passing year and yet he soldiers on, telling people that he may be losing his eyesight, but not his vision.

So, I once again realize that I have learned to be happy; I've earned happiness and I am responsible for keeping it. It is, after all, all you really get in life.

Happy. New Year.

xoxo

Bob, Carlos, Consuelo and Rosita.

Why Is It ...

… that when people call their pets "fur baby" it's fine but when I call a kid a "skin dog" somehow I'm disgusting?

… that nowadays I run into most of my friends at the pharmacy instead of at the nightclub?

… that I don't always roll a joint, but when I do it's my ankle?

… that sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent and other times I click the remote car door lock a second, third, fourth or tenth time for extra lockiness?

… that I am a huge fan of saying ‘You’re welcome’ really loud when people don’t say ‘Thank you’?

… that I feel adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane?

… that years back, when an ex-boss, pleased with my performance, told me I was “going places”: and my first thought was, “Yeah, an asylum?”

… that as I grow older unnecessary noise starts to irritate my soul?

… that there is literally no tea on me that I won’t spill myself? So stop thinking y’all know.

… that my ability to read the room is why I stay home a lot?

… that when I was looking for the yee to my haw, I always ended up finding the hell to my naw?