Far from his home in Oregon, Joe Bell is sitting at a booth at
Lucky Slice in Ogden, Utah, looking at a picture on his phone. On the left is
Joe’s 13-year-old son, Joseph, who has his arm around one of Joe’s other sons,
Jadin. It has been just more than four months since Jadin committed
suicide. [read my post HERE]
After a few seconds, Joe Bell puts the phone back in his
pocket, steps outside and heads east, starting the 49th day of his walk across
the country to honor his son—who was literally bullied to death—and to raise
awareness about bullying and youth suicide.
The night before, Joe spoke to a group of strangers in the
basement of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Ogden. He was there as a guest
of the OUTreach Resource Center, a community center and support group for LGBT
teens and young adults, to share Jadin’s story.
When Joe finished speaking at the OUTreach gathering, some
of the students in the room shared their own stories of being bullied at school
and at home. One spoke of being beaten and verbally abused by family members
when he came out. As he finished his story, Joe offered what consolation he
could.
“You’re a good man,” Joe told him. “Know inside yourself
that it’s gonna be OK.”
That moment was just one that was repeated throughout the
evening. Eighty percent of the people who come to OUTreach don’t have a
supportive adult like Joe at home. Which may explain why, in this country, suicide
is the third-leading cause of death among teens and young adults. In Utah, it
is the second-leading cause.
Joe and his wife raised three sons and a daughter in La
Grande, Oregon, and it was just last year that Jadin, his middle son, came out
as gay; Jadin was a freshman in high school at the time.
“I knew he was
different at a very young age. We love our children, and we raised our children
to love who they are.”—Joe Bell
And while Joe raised his kids with a passion for the activities
he enjoyed, like hunting, after coming out to his father, Jadin then announced that
he wanted to start cheerleading.
“I just about fell out of my chair,” Joe said, though his
support of his son, and what his son wanted to do, never wavered. But it was
when Jadin began cheerleading that things got worse for him. Joe, watching his
son from the stands, saw the harassment Jadin endured, and he knew it was much
worse when he wasn’t at the games.
“I just watched him
deteriorate,” Joe said. Jadin began to see a counselor to deal with depression,
made worse by the harassment and bullying he suffered, and for a while he
seemed better, even if his situation at school didn’t improve. “Our school and
administration do not know how to deal with the bullying problem,” Joe said.
On January 19, 15-year-old Jadin tried to hang himself on a
school play structure; some passersby noticed his body and called for help. He
was taken across the state to Doernbecher Children’s Hospital where he stayed
for two weeks. When it became clear that he would not recover, Jadin was taken
off life support and died on February 3rd.
Jadin's story is just one of many stories of LGBTQ youth that
are being bullied in schools by students, teachers, administrators and other
parents, and Joe Bell, having lost his son, wants it to stop.
After Jadin’s death, Joe was lost; he’d seen, first hand,
the harassment his son endured, and he began to feel as though he’d failed as a
father. He began thinking a lot about Jadin, reflecting on an eighth-grade trip
Jadin had taken to New York City. For Jadin, that trip was the highlight of his
all-too-short life; he began to dream of going to college in New York.
Sadly, that dream was never realized.
But, for Joe, he realized the trip to New York City could be
made again, this time in Jadin’s honor, and to talk with schools and churches
about bullying, and homophobia, and the loss of so many young people in this
country.
“It was either give
up or fight back. I’m a fighter.”—Joe Bell
So Joe began training for his cross-country walk; it was during
this training, and through the help of family friend, Bud Hill, that Joe Bell found
Faces for Change, an organization which seeks to educate others about
harassment and bullying; Faces For Change is supporting Joe throughout the
walk.
For Joe, the walk is a time to remember his son, but it
is also a way to start a dialogue about bullying and suicide. And while Joe
has received all kinds of support along the way—his shoes are donated and he
had a book filled with all sorts of encouragement from people he’s met—he has also
come across some anger.
North of Tremonton, Utah, a Catholic bishop stopped to offer
Joe a ride and, after hearing Joe’s story, the bishop dropped him off with a pamphlet
on “the sin” of the gay lifestyle.
That kind of talk is especially hurtful to Joe, who prides
himself on being a proud Christian, travelling with a notebook filled with Bible
verses on every page. And yet, when Faces for Change was trying to find a place
to hold the send-off party, three churches turned down the organization’s
request.
I guess the idea of children being bullied to death is of no
concern’ or maybe it’s just the LGBTQ children they don’t care about.
But, this kind of homophobia, and ignorance, doesn’t stop
Joe Bell. He has made it a point to stop and speak in any town where he’s been warned
that he might experience some intolerance.
After leaving Ogden, Joe will head to Salt Lake City, where
his family will meet him, and he can relax for a couple of days. Then he goes
on to Denver, then Kansas, then New York.
New York; for Jadin. And to make us aware that his son, like
the sons and daughters of so many, have been bullied to death and we need to
make it stop.
 |
| Jadin Bell |
