I Ain't One To Gossip But

Gwyneth Paltrow sells high-priced crap over there at GOOP, but she has clearly gone over the edge, fat head first.

GOOP is selling a candle that, ahem, ALLEGEDLY smells like Gwyneth’s vagina. And you have to pay $75 to get her cooch smell in your house.

Paltrow claims the candle, and her vagina, smells of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”

I think it probably smells more like inflated ego and desperation.

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Apparently, Husband-In-My-Head … and yes, I’ve lost count of how many of those I have … Michael B Jordan has only recently moved out of the house he shared with his parents Donna and Michael A Jordan.

While it might seem as good news, it would have been better to learn he moved out of his parents’ house and in with, oh, I dunno, I’m just spit balling here, Bob and Carlos?

Just saying. We have the room, Michael.

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I have given up on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since those hens drove Lisa Vanderpump off the show, but I still loves me some RHoBH gossip.

Apparently, right in the midst of filming the upcoming season, Denise Richards has up and quit the show because her affair with former RHoBH housewife Brandi Glanville was exposed.

Oh, and Denise is married. Richards stopped filming RHoBH after a nasty showdown with her cast members who confronted her over having a months-long affair with Brandi Glanville.

Richards and Glanville had ALLEGEDLY been seeing one another from the beginning of 2019 up until the middle of the year, with Richards telling Glanville that she and her husband Aaron Phypers had an open marriage, but maybe that was a lie, and Brandi was furious at being the “other woman” to another woman.

Seriously, Denise. You thought you could have an affair with a woman, and a woman like Brandi Glanville, while filming a reality show and no one would notice?

Gurl.

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What do the Karda$trophe$ like more than fame? Coin$. Coin$ and fame, but mo$tly coin$.

Which explain$ why Khloé Karda$trophe decided to put her name to the late$t weight-lo$$ product, Flat Tummy $hakes, even though she employ$ both a trainer and a nutritioni$t:

“Ok... I’ve posted with @flattummyco’s Shakes in the past and YES, I also use a personal trainer and nutritionist, but THESE SHAKES WORK to help get your tummy back to flat. Trust me you guys… Go get 25% off the same Shakes I drink.”

And as the interwebz do, people went nut$ trying to figure out why a woman with a nutritioni$t and a trainer is $hilling diet shake$.

Coin$.

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A few weeks back Lindsay Lohan threatened this country by saying she was moving back to America. She gave us that tired “I want my movie career back” line, and tossed in something new about managing her sister’s singing career, but is there more?

Perhaps she needs to come home and sit with Mama Dina “Where my chardonnay at?” Lohan now that Dina’s been arrested for ALLEGEDLY t-boning another lady’s car in the parking lot of an Outback Steakhouse and then fleeing the scene. Luckily the woman she hit followed Dina home to Long Island, parked herself outside Dina’s house and called the police.

Police came, but say Dina refused to submit to a drug/alcohol test, though they observed clear signs of intoxication. So, like her daughter before her, Dina Lohan was arrested for DWI, leaving the scene of an accident and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. And since Dina was also arrested for DWI in September 2013, this means she’s facing a felony charge.

Sadly, since Lindsay has no money and none of her johns will pay for a flight that doesn’t involve some kind of sexual favor, Lindsay will have to Jet Blue her way home, and that might take months.

Perhaps Dina will be sober by then, and she and Lindsay can head out to the Outback for a keg of Long Island Iced Teas.

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I used to watch Wendy Williams. I found her kinda funny …How you doin? But then she made several transphobic jokes about Caitlyn Jenner, I sent her a letter calling her out and stopped watching. And I’m glad, because she’s an immature moron who goes after people for the most idiotic reasons.

This week it was Joaquin Phoenix and the scar on his lip. Yes, a grown-assed woman made fun of a man because he has a scar on his lip. Wendy was flapping her yap about the Golden Globes and turned to Phoenix; she had nothing really to say about him, so she went personal and talked about his appearance. Wendy noted that his lip scar made him “oddly attractive,” and then mimed a cleft lip before talking with her hands all the way in her mouth. 

Funny stuff. Well, not to Adam Bighill, a Canadian football player whose son was born with a cleft palate. Bighill, called her out on Twitter and demanded an apology, revealing that his son Beau was having surgery to repair his lip that day:

“Today is Beau’s big day. He is getting his lip repaired today in Winnipeg by the fantastic Dr. Ross.”

And Wendy did apologize, sort of, finally:

“We’re thinking about Beau today as he is in surgery. I want to apologize to the cleft community and in Beau’s honor, our show is donating to @operationsmile and @AmerCleftPalate and encourage our Wendy Watchers to learn more and help support the cleft community.”

Well, Cher heard about Wendy’s stupidity and the apology, and the fact that her show not Wendy Williams personally made a donation, and she all-capped her anger at the talk show yapper:

“@WendyWilliams I Was Going To Try & Hold My Temper BUT IM SO F-NG ANGRY I CANT.
In 1985 I Made a Film Called “MASK” THROUGH THAT FILM I BECAME INVOLVED WITH CHILDREN,& ADULTS WHO HAD CRANIOFACIAL  ANOMALIES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THESE PPL GO THROUGH20+ OPERATIONS … BEFORE THEIR TEENS!! MUCH OF THE TIME THEY ARE IN PAIN,AFRAID,BUT HAVE HOPE THEY WILL LOOK NORMAL. THE& FEAR THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH IS UNBEARABLE. IF YOUR MOM SAW WHAT YOU DID SHE’D BE ASHAMED. MY MOM TAUGHT ME TO LOVE & HELP PPL IN PAIN.WHO ARE U!?U SHOULD B FIRED.”

Note to Wendy: don’t ever piss off Cher because she has never had a f**k to give and she will come for you. In fact, she’ll even come for your fan … singular … one Stefano Scibetta who Tweeted to Cher:

“She apologized.”

Oh Stefano, have you learned nothing.

“APOLOGIZED!? THERE IS NO APOLOGY FOR WHAT SHE DID…. & LAUGHED ABOUT!! I KNOW THESE CHILDREN,& ADULTS.THEY GO THROUGH HELL,THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH HELL!! Fk Her Apology. SHE WANTS TO KEEP HER JOB!! I CANT CONTAIN MY ANGER!!”

Wendy is a moron, and really isn’t worth Cher’s time, but I love her for taking on this talk show dimwit, this grown-assed woman who thinks making fun of people’s appearance is funny.

Careful Wendy …

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I Ain't One To Gossip But .....

Hayden Panettiere has been having a rough few years. She had a child with world heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko before they split, and he has custody of a child they share.

Then she began a horrifically abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson for about a year until a judge issued a restraining order on Hayden’s behalf against him following his arrest on May 2 for assaulting Panettiere; police had answered four different calls to their home for domestic violence.

So, Hayden and Brian are done, but might still have a connection because now it appears that Panettiere is dating Brian’s brother, Zach, with whom she’s been seen out and about holding hands.

Now, maybe it’s nothing, but why in the world would you walk through the streets of New York holding hands with the brother of a man who has assaulted you several times, has been ordered to stay away from you, and has been prohibited from owning firearms?

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Now that she’s on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Denise Richards really needs to bring the drama if she wants to stay relevant so … cue yet another fight with ex-husband Charlie Sheen over child support.

Last year Charlie was rumored to be flat-broke and claiming he couldn’t afford the $20,000 a month Denise was getting for their two daughters, but Denise is now saying that’s a lie so he can hide his coins from her.

And she wants a new payday. Denise’s legal people are asking a judge to force Charlie into paying some back child support, saying:

“[Charlie] has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in ‘Two and a Half Men’ to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children … During the time frame since our last stipulation/order in 2016 he has failed to pay $450,000 in support while diverting over $600,000 in assets to adult family members and converting thousands of dollars into cash for his own personal use.”

Of course, Charlie Sheen is denying the whole thing in his own unique way:

“D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail.”

I see a very special courtroom episode for the next season of RHoBH.

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So, Jennifer Lopez has a new movie opening where she plays a stripper—I’m thinking it’s called the Jennifer Lopez Story or something.

Anyway … she plays a stripper seeking vengeance against some rich customers and because of that “female empowerment” angle, some folks on social media are now saying that … wait for it … it’s really rich … JLo will get an Oscar nomination.

Seriously? JLo on a pole is Oscar-worthy?

Be afraid, JLo, of walking downstairs ahead of Elizabeth Berkley, who was robbed of an Oscar nod for Showgirls.

Amirite?

Sidenote: there should be an award for how she keeps her face from moving.

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When famous people divorce, you always get that obligatory “irreconcilable differences” line and the plea for privacy during their difficult time.

Not so, in the case of Family Values High Priestess Sarah Plain, whose husband Todd filed for divorce after 31 years of marriage and dragged his soon-to-be-ex through the mud in his filing.

In court documents Todd Plain asked to dissolve the marriage citing an “incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife.”

In other words, he cannot stand to be in the same room as his wife.

What took you so long Todd?

PS Once you get that Silkwood scrubdown to remove every trace of Mama Grizzly Bore™ from you, gimme a call. You’re kinda hot.

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How I missed this Kardastrophe catastrophe I do not know, but apparently Mister Kim Kardastrophe—Kanye, I believe is his name—was building a low-income housing project that looked a little like Luke Luke Skywalker’s domed desert house on Tatooine in the backyard of his Calabasas home and never got a permit.

Permit? He’s a Kardastrophe, people!

Well, the neighbors saw Kanye Town going up in the backyard and instantly alerted the authorities who put the kibosh on the build after realizing that all the structures in Kanye’s backyard were permanent, and not prototypes—which is what he claimed they were. They gave Kanye until September 15th to come up with the proper permits, but I guess they made him pissy because all of the structures have been destroyed.

Too bad, Kanye Town might have been a good amusement park … The Ego-Tilt-a-Whirl … The Off Your Meds Roller Coaster … The House of Mirrors that makes your ass look enormous.

Could’a been huge.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t watch Celebrity Big Brother because they aren’t celebrities and Big Brother is stupid and, yes, Julie Chen. But apparently this time Hot Mess Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina “Pour me another” Lohan is in the house and she has admitted to having a boyfriend of over five years that she has never even met.

I smell catfish.

Dina says that she and her man, who lives in San Francisco, and may, or may not, be a ninety-year-old Chinese woman, have been in a long-distance relationship with for five years and she wants to marry him.

Hopefully after they meet.

Dina, who claims to speak to her beau every day, says the reason they’ve never met is because he lives in San Francisco where he :::cough:::: takes care of his mother, while she lives on the East Coast where she takes care of draining boxes of Chardonnay, and since they don’t have planes that fly coast-to-coast—that’s so science fiction—the two haven’t met.

And yet even more interesting, is that Celebrity Big Brother offered to fly Dina’s love from San Francisco to LA where the show is filmed to make their first meeting so special and not at all a ratings grab, and the boyfriend opted not to do that.

And it’s not because he’s a ninety-year-old Chinese woman.

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Miranda Lambert is a hot mess. Y’all know she began dating a married man who was with her on tour, and then dumped him as soon as his wife left him; Miranda likes her boyfriends to be married and stay married … to other women … but she’s also a food throwing hillbilly.

It seems Miranda, her mother and a family friend were dining at the Stoney River Steakhouse in Nashville and when the family friend, an unidentified male, went to use the restroom. Well, in that restroom, another man made an off-color remark to Miranda’s friend millennials and their phones, and the two men started shouting at one another.

When Miranda’s friend came back to the table, he told Miranda about the guy in the bathroom and suddenly that guy appeared at their table and started shrieking at them, too. Miranda started arguing with the older man and ALLEGEDLY had to be held back from physically assaulting him, so she did the second-best thing … she walked over to another table where the man’s wife was sitting and dumped a salad into the wife’s lap. The police were called but Miranda and her gang had already sped away from the restaurant.

I kinda thought she was white trash for the way she loved breaking up people’s marriages … after breaking up her own … but she’s opened a door to a whole sub-basement of redneck behavior now.

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Tonight …on a Very Special Blossom, Mayim Bialik goes all Miranda Lambert at an airport.

It seems The Big Bang Theory co-star, who pulls in about $450,000 an episode, was flying First Class and her flight was delayed. She then tried to book a seat for her enormous piece of luggage and threw a fit when she was refused, and saw “regular” people taking their “regular sized” carry-on luggage onto the flight. And so, as entitled folks do, Bialik took to Twitter and Instagram to troll for sympathy for her 1% problems:

“@UnitedAirlines i ran for 10 min to make the flight you made me late for with your delays. This is about humanity. She didn’t even say she was sorry. I’m sorry I flew your airline. Thanks for booking me on a later flight. But right now she needs to remember we are all human.”

“To the @UnitedAirlines flight attendant who shut the boarding gate in my face. I made my connecting flight in Houston. it was a tight squeeze but You said there were plenty of open seats. when you saw my carry on suitcase you said there was no room and shut the door in my face.”

“And also why couldn’t my little suitcase somehow fit? Maybe the first class seat I was supposed to sit in could have held it and I would have gladly sat in all of the open seats anywhere on that plane. :(“

“And there were five other people from my flight standing there with me who she let on the plane. Maybe she just doesn’t like The Big Bang Theory. They all had carry-on luggage too.”

According to an even longer Instagram explanation, which included a picture of her “little suitcase”, Bialik complained that the “lady stewardess”—apparently Bialik hasn’t flown in a plane since the 1950s—made her look like a “prima donna” because she shouted out, “I have a first-class seat!” … Bialik claims she wanted her luggage to have the first-class seat while she’d take a seat back in steerage with the poor folk …or something. 

She then suggested that “maybe the [lady stewardess] hates women who look like they’re going to cry” or that “maybe she hates the Big Bang theory.” Or maybe she hates self-entitled one-percenters who run late for their flights because their first flight was delayed but think their next flight should wait on the ground until Dame Lady Duchess Bialik arrives?

Siddown, Blossom.

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Kim Kardastrophe, who has clearly never met a plastic surgeon she didn’t want to employ, or a body part she didn’t want bigger, smaller, flatter, rounder, tighter or jigglier, is furious, furious I tell ya, that people think she had a nose job.

That’s her, up there, with the totally not altered schnoz.

But, while being a guinea pig at her makeup artist’s, Mario Dedivanovic, Master Class, Mario pointed out Kim had a small bump on her nose to a room filled with aspiring makeup artists and then demonstrated a nose contouring technique he uses to cover it up. And that’s when Kim declared that her nose is her lone original body part …

“I never had my nose done. Everyone thought I did, and I said wait until I have kids because your real features come out.”

Kim frequently mentioned her laser treatments and Botox, her waist cinching and her ass expanding, but that nose is as original as the fenders on my 1969 VW Bug that I had in college {note, the fenders weren’t real.]

And neither is the proboscis on that face

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Denise Richards made her first appearance on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and … she seems nice. But we all know nice doesn’t get you too far on a Housewives show, so we need some dirt. Like how she met her latest husband, Aaron Phypers. Denise says they met at his “wellness” center and that she was a client, but … here’s some dirt.

See, up until a couple of years ago, Aaron was married to Denise’s neighbor, Nicolette Sheridan, so maybe she met on the corner, and then at the “wellness”? Keep in mind, this is the same Denise Richards who dated Richie Sambora, who had been married to another of her neighbors, Heather Locklear.

Now, that doesn’t mean Denise is a husband stealing she devil running amok in the ‘hood stealing her friend’s husbands …

Does it?

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It's Snarkurday!

Last week we talked Cardi B and her beef with bartenders at strip clubs who open their legs to Cardi’s boyfriend and Baby Daddy.

It seems now that Cardi B is just this year’s Azealia Banks because at last weekend’s Harper’s Bazaar Icons party for New York Fashion Week Cardi B wanted some of Nicki Minaj.

Cardi, swathed in a red Dolce & Gabbana brawl-gown—see what I did there? Not ballgown, but brawlgown …okay I’ll stop—spotted Nicki Minaj at the event at the Plaza Hotel and made a beeline for her.

Someone ALLEGEDLY pushed Cardi “from behind” and she “went flying” and then took that fight to Minaj to :::ahem::: “address lies Nicki was spreading” though she says she didn’t intend to swing at her. She shrieked “I’ll fuck you up” and threw a “giant red shoe,” and the back of her gown was ripped, and she ended up ass out. Cardi screams “let me tell you something” and launched herself at Nicki but was stopped by security … and dragged out.

Cardi left the party with a big lump on her head, no shoes and the title of Azealia Banks 2018.

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A few weeks back we reported that, following her divorce, Mel B was off to rehab for addiction to alcohol, perhaps drugs, and sex. Mel instantly took to TV to say she was going to rehab for PTSD and it had nothing to with sex and drugs and booze.

Or did it? The Los Angeles County Superior Court seems to disagree and in Mel and Stephen Belafonte’s continuing custody battle, the court had order …ordered … Mel to take random drug and alcohol testing after they found that she abuses substances:

“Based on the evidence presented, the court finds that there is a habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances/alcohol by the petitioner [Mel B].”

Mel and Stephen will split the costs of the drug tests 50/50 so for the next four months. And, to add insult to drunken injury, both parents are required to be sober while their child is in either of their care; a new nanny will be present when the child is with Mel.

To recap:

Mel B was accused of being an alcoholic and sex addict. She denied it all. The court said she’s probably an addict and needs to get tested regularly.

That should really mess up her PTSD.

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Back in July, Ronan Farrow’s published a piece in The New Yorker about multiple women who said they had been harassed and victimized by CBS CEO Les Moonves. The women claim Moonves forced them to perform oral sex on him, that he exposed himself to them without their consent, and that he used physical violence and intimidation against them. A number of the women also say Moonves retaliated after they rebuffed him, damaging their careers.

The reaction to Farrow’s initial exposé was “less than” because Moonves is a powerful guy and because CBS’s toxic boys’ club had been covering up for him—and Charlie Rose—for years. In addition, Moonves denied everything and his wife, Julie Chen, stood by him.

Moonves and CBS quietly began working on his resignation and his Golden Parachute allowing CBS to save face and Moonves to pocket some massive coins. But then more women came forward and Farrow dropped another New Yorker exposé and now Moonves is gone but … not before he issued a statement calling all of his victims liars.

CBS actually thanked Moonves for his years of service :::gag::: and said he would not receive any “exit compensation,” at least not until an independent investigation was completed. CBS announced they would donate $20 million to “organizations that support the #MeToo movement and workplace equality for women. The donation will be deducted from any severance payments that may be due to Moonves.”

How nice … except Moonves’ severance package is said to be in the neighborhood of $120 million so after the deduction he’ll walks with $100,000,000.

Not bad for decades of sexual harassment and assault.

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Denise Richards—the ex-missus Charlie Sheen—married Aaron Phypers last weekend in an intimate Malibu wedding ceremony that included only their closest family and friends … and the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and a Bravo film crew.

Denise announced her surprise engagement two days before the wedding was to take place, and a few weeks after she began filming RHoBH which also means that some, or all of the wedding, was paid for by Bravo.

Ah, love; or at least the reality show version of it.

PS Wasn’t it nice that Aaron donned his barhopping best as his wedding suit?

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It's Snarkurday!

Charlie Sheen is back in the news, though this time it isn’t about hookers or porn or drugs or HIV or having sex with men and paying them off in hush money, it’s about his children and how he treats them …

First off, in 2014 Sheen kicked ex-wife Denise Richards and her three daughters — two of which are his — out of the mansion he’d bought for her down the street from his place because his then-fiancé, and former though probably now current, porn star, Brett Rossi told him to do it. At the same time he also stopped paying child support — some $55,000 a month — and had to be court ordered to pay up.

This year, Denise is suing because she says Charlie promised to buy her a home close to his since, after his revelation that he is HIV+, he’d hoped “to repair his relationship with his children” but now Charlie has sold the home and is pocketing the money rather than returning it to the trust for their daughters.

And, because this is Charlie and Denise, the shiz is all out there … with Denise reporting on the vile things Charlie has said to their daughter, Lola, just before Christmas 2013; yes, Denise is going back nearly two years now.

She says Charlie told their kids, “I’m giving all your gifts including the air hockey table to the homeless,” and claims to have seen texts from Charlie to 9-year-old daughter Lola in which he called her “a f***ing pig whore” and said, “I’m going to kill you and I’m going to kill your mom.”

Naturally, Denise released letters written, ALLEGEDLY, by her children to Charlie in which they ask him why he would want to kill them and their mother, and he ALLEGEDLY replied:

“Have a merry Xmas with your loser f***s**t mom … your dad is a rock star genius … your mom is a puss wart.”

But, get this … Charlie says he thought it was Denise texting to him on her daughter’s phone, so his nasty responses were meant for her and not the girls; that makes it totally acceptable, right? But then to get in the last dig, he attacks Denise’s acting, saying, “Bitch couldn’t act hot in a fire or wet in a pool.” And then he taunts Denise with rude comments about her deceased mother because … well, he’s Charlie Sheen and he’s a lunatic who should have been locked up in lifelong rehab decades ago.

Charlie’s lawyers call this “a desperate attempt to get more money” because Charlie has already paid almost $20 million, including $660k tax free money every year for the last 9 years to Denise, though he fails to mention it was court-ordered and part of their custody arrangement.

But it makes me wonder exactly how rich is Charlie Sheen that he could pay child support in the millions of dollars, buy mansions for everyone, pay porn stars thousands to live with him for a few days, buy all those drugs and sex workers, and still not be broke? He must be loaded, in both senses of the word.

Newly engaged couple Mariah Carey and James Packer have a teensy-weensy little problem to solve before they tie the knot … they have to get divorced from their current spouses.

Mariah is still not divorced from Nick Cannon because they have yet to finalize their financial issues, despite the fact there was a very specific prenup in which Nick gets to leave with the clothes on his back and nothing else.

As for James, he’s still married to Erica Packer, who is now dating Seal, who was married to Heidi Klum, who appears on that reality show with Nick Cannon. Everything is circular.

But here’s the dish on Billionaire James Packer: he and Erica were off-and-on for several years before they finally called it quits for good in 2013. He left her, though, and then he came back because suddenly she was pregnant with his child, and as soon as the child was born he was gone again … right into Mariah’s surgically enhanced bosoms.

Seriously, y’all, finish one marriage before you start another.

Real Housewives of New York “star” Bethenny Frankel has said she agrees with Donald [t]Rump about building that wall to keep those pesky Mexicans from coming to America and working in his hotels and in her house, but she stepped into deeper this week when she went shopping at K-Mart.

Wait, millionaires shop at The Big K?

Some folks are calling her racist after she Twitter complained — because that’s what you do — about K-Mart store workers who were speaking Spanish when she wanted to buy snow boots:

“Wow @Kmart has 2 registers open w 5 other employees standing around & speak no English whatsoever. Shoes are sapatos right?”

Well, shoes are zapatos, but that’s not the issue. Then she Tweeted:

“Not even attempting kids’ snow boots in Spanish”

And when Twitter folks called her out for what is perceived to be kind of racist, she Tweeted:

“No excuse for being at a retailer & not able to be directed to what u need. 0 to do w race. I’ll explain but can’t understand it for you.”

Wow, so she doesn’t like Spanish people speaking Spanish and thinks everyone who questions her is too stupid to understand her racism. I mean, let’s be clear, nowhere does she say she asked a question and the employees couldn’t answer because they spoke only Spanish. She just says she overheard people speaking Spanish and that’s too much for her to deal with.

But, since she was using her iPhone to Tweet her disgust at hearing people speak Spanish, couldn’t she have Google translated “snow boots for kids” into “botas de nieve para los ninos.” Or maybe she could have used her wonderfully illiterate Twit-speak to make herself understood.

Perhaps [t]Rump will ask her to build, a SkinnyGirl wall around K-Mart.

Both Beyoncé and Rihanna are working on new albums for release though neither one is saying when this will happen. I personally don’t care, except … Beyoncé.

The last time she dropped an album, it was a surprise release but this time she ain’t talking; she’s not going to do any advanced press for the album, and there is a rumor that she held up the release because she wanted to give Adele time to shine.

Bitch, please. While her last album sold half a million copies in 24 hours, sources — AKA Beyoncé — say she’s delayed the release in order to wait until the ‘hype’ around Adele’s comeback with 25 died down.

Bitch.Please. You held up release so your new album of mindless weave-waving, booty-shaking nonsense doesn’t have to compete with Adele, who, by the way, actually sings live.

Seriously, bitch. Please.

Perhaps B.o.B. and Sherri Shepherd are related?

B.o.B., a rapper, I think, known for a song called Airplanes has come out … not as gay, mind you, but as a flat-earther. He took to The Twitter to spill out the conspiracy theory that the Earth is flat because he took a picture of himself against the horizon and it doesn’t curve.

Seriously. Oh, and he also thinks NASA used fans to make the flag dance in the wind in their staged photo of the fake moon landing.

Seriously. If we learn anything from this, it isn’t that the earth is flat or that the moon landing is fake, it’s that semi-famous people can be stupid and that everyone should be forced to stay in school until they can prove they aren’t morons.

Oh how I feel for the heartache of being a celebrity and being forced to fly coach.

Last weekend “actress” — and yes, it deserves the quotes — Andie MacDowell took to The Twitter to complain that American Airlines bumped her from first class to coach … oh, the humanity … on the one-hour flight from Charlotte, North Carolina to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Andie paid for a first class seat and pre-booked a space for her dog, but airline employees let her know that she couldn’t sit in 1A because there was nowhere to put her dog.  And when the employee wouldn’t let her switch seats with another person in first class, Andie cried on Twitter, with a picture, of being forced to ride in the cargo hold coach section of the plane … which she called “tourist” class.

Next time, American Airlines, strap the "star" to the wing and let the dog sit in first class. That would be a nicer bitch to have onboard.

Let’s dip our toes in the STD pond that is The Kardastrophes for a moment …

Black Chyna used to date Tyga. 

Tyga dates Kylie Jenner. 

Rob Kardastrophe, Kylie’s half-brother, is now dating Black Chyna. 

Black Chyna’s best friend, Amber Rose, used to date Kanye. 

Kanye is married to Kim Kardastrophe. 

Kim is Kourtney Kardastrophe’s sister. 

Kourtney used to be with Scott Disick. 

Scott Disick is dating Amber Rose.

Someone get me the bleach. STAT!!!

Last October, Oprah opened her vault — not the cake and pie vault, but the one with the cash — and took out $43 million to buy a 10% stake in Weight Watchers and then quickly became their newest spokesperson, Hunny Chile … which is what she called herself, or us, in her first ad.

But Oprah claims she’s doing the program and yesterday she said, in a Tweet, that she’s lost 26 pounds so far and has done it while eating … wait for it … BREAD!!!

Every.Day. Oprah eats bread every day, y’all. But, because she Tweeted about bread and lost weight, the stock in Weight Watchers went up and Oprah pocketed a cool 12 million back into the money vault — not the cake and pie vault — to spend, apparently, on bread.

Do we believe Oprah lost 26 pounds, or is that just because before she had her Weight Watchers Weighing Team come is, she took off that Imitation Diana Ross Weave™ she’s been wearing since last century?