I Didn't Say It ...

Curdin Orlik, Swiss wrestler, has come out as gay, making him Switzerland’s first openly gay male professional athlete.

“For far too long I have pushed out who I really am. I am not someone who kisses in front of people, but I want to lie down with a man and be able to touch him. … I always knew that I was gay, for sure since I was 12. But I thought: this is wrong, it cannot be. I heard things on the school building square [like] ‘you gay pig,’ ‘you faggot.’ Or in soccer, ‘such a gay pass!’ Even when wrestling. Sure, nobody really meant that, but if you’re like that yourself, you think, ‘Sh*t, that’s not a good thing.’ I thought: I don’t want to be gay. But it’s me. Now it’s out[and] I am overwhelmed by the large number of positive reactions that you have sent me through a variety of channels. With your wonderful feedback, I am now starting a new, open and free period of my life. Thank you very much – with all my heart . Special thanks go to my parents and everyone else who supported me in advance.”

Welcome out you ginormous slab of beefcake. And please accept, as our gift from HOMO HQ, the Official Coming Out Toaster Oven™ and a copy of The Gay Agenda … both quite the collector’s items.

I’ll be over here, assuming the position.

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Seth Meyers, on Coronavirus “Expert” and “Doctor” President:

“We are now seeing what it’s like when a lifelong scam artist is in charge of responding to a public health crisis .Three days after _____ predicted coronavirus would be good for the economy the stock market plunged so much that when it opened trading had to be stopped. The drop was so bad the red arrow on the TV screen grew legs and ran away … _____ has always been able to BS and threaten and litigate his way out of accountability to avoid consequences and now as he oversees the government’s response to a global public health emergency he’s trying to do the same thing. You think you know about science because your uncle was a doctor? People don’t just automatically know what their uncles know. Otherwise we would all know the lyrics to every Steely Dan song. The only white coat you should be wearing is a straitjacket.”

And I, for one, hope to see him in a straitjacket one day; or better yet, prison orange.

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Cindy Jacobs, religious wackjob, declares Coronavirus “illegal In Jesus’ Name”:

 “We’re going to decree that the coronavirus will cease worldwide. Now what’s gonna happen? I don’t know if everybody will get healed. I don’t know,  we’re praying. We prayed for vaccines. We prayed for Israel. They had vaccines. We have people interceding across the face of the Earth. Listen: Intercessors have been going to Wall Street! I mean all over! I have to tell you: Intercessors are on this! I just want to thank you, intercessors of the world. You haven’t slept through this. Father, in the name of Jesus, You have promised we have all authority, not some authority! You have promised that we are seated with You in heavenly places, so we take Throne Room authority, and we bring that into the situation of the coronavirus, and we say in the name of Jesus, ‘Virus, you are illegal! This is God’s Earth!'”

Keep in mind, Cindy Jacobs says the Equality Act will cause civil war   said God told her he would destroy Kim Jong-Un if he didn’t convert to Christianity in  2018 … said God wants Christians to be “profoundly wealthy” so jealous Jews will convert … begged Christians to vote _____ so America stops “polluting” other countries with gayness … said she caused a short woman to grow three inches “on the spot” … said her prayers stopped the shoe-bomber … said her six-year-old son prayed away the assassination of Ronald Reagan …said she prayed away her own tumor … she prayed away a terrorist sleeper cell … metal illness … a car crash that would have killed David Barton… global recession … Hurricane Sandy. … and said God killed thousands of birds because of the repeal of DADT. 

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Jonathan Van Ness, Queer Eye star, on Aaron Schock’s coming out story:

“The amount of queens I’m seeing like Aaron Schock’s [Instagram] is such a lol. Ya’ll, this man lived in the closet while voting against LGBTQ interests for years. He screams about how he was victimized as he continues not giving back to the community he legislated against. Also his apology wholly dodges any responsibility in the awful actions he [perpetrated] against our community. Aaron Schock voted against repealing don’t ask don’t tell & various hate crime bills. While it should be noted I think there were homophobic forces within the GOP that led to the spending investigations that led to his resignation, he still in fact did a lot of dumb & stupid shit … and really from what I can tell hasn’t made amends or helped move our community forward in meaningful ways. … I want to celebrate Aaron but I find it hard. But yes Aaron, have fun at Coachella and glad you’ve joined the fight. I hope you actually work to undo your legacy.”

Perhaps once he stops shoving dollar bills in go-go boys’ G-strings.

Seriously, though, I’d be shocked if Schock ever amounted to any kind of LGBTQ+ icon; he’s a Republican, and only out, and out, for himself.

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Paul Begala, CNN commentator, saying “it’s a certainty” _____ will replace Mike Pence with Nikki Haley on his 2020 ticket:

“This is not a prediction. It’s a certainty. On Thursday, July 16, that’s the date the Democrat gives his or her acceptance address. On that day, to interrupt that narrative, Donald _____ will call a press conference at Mar-a-Lago. He’s gonna dump Mike Pence and put Nikki Haley on the ticket to try to get those suburban moms. You watch. Guaranteed.”

Wouldn’t be surprised; he’ll use Haley, a GOP sycophant, like McCain used Palin to try and grab the women’s vote. Won’t help, because he’s running for president and any woman who stands by a pussy grabbing name-calling rapist is no friend of women.

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Antonio Sabato Jr., says supporting _____ ruined his career:

“I had to sell everything. I had to pay all my debts. I was blacklisted. All my representatives left me, from agents to managers to commercial agents. I literally had to move, find a new job to survive and take care of my kids. It’s been terrible. It’s mind-blowing. It’s a disgrace. It’s tough, because if you’re in that environment in Hollywood and you have something to say that they don’t like, they’re going to let you know.”

Just like you have the right to support a lying misogynistic pussy groping con artist racist, people have the right not to hire you for that.

Sorry, not sorry.

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Alex Trebek, updating his battle with Cancer:

“Now, I’d be lying if I said the journey had been an easy one. There were some good days, but a lot of not-so-good days. I joked with friends that the cancer won’t kill me; the chemo treatments will. There were moments of great pain, days where certain bodily functions no longer functioned, and sudden, massive attacks of great depression that made me wonder if it really was worth fighting on. But I brushed that aside quickly, because that would have been a massive betrayal — a betrayal of my wife and soulmate, Jean, who has given her all to help me survive. It would have been a betrayal of other cancer patients who have looked to me as an inspiration and a cheerleader of sorts, of the value of living and hope. And it would certainly have been a betrayal of my faith in God and the millions of prayers that have been said on my behalf.”

I’m glad he’s sharing his story, if only because it might help someone feeling the same things, going through the same things; might make that person feel less alone.

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I Didn't Say It.....

Jon Stewart, on the rhetoric of violence:

"I do think that its important for us to watch our rhetoric, I do think that its a worthwhile goal not to conflate our political opponents with our enemies if for no other reason than to draw a better distinction between the manifestos of paranoid mad men and what passes for acceptable political and pundit speak. It would be really nice if the ramblings of crazy people didn’t in any way resemble how we actually talk to each other on TV. Let’s at least make troubled individuals easier to spot."

Who knew a comedian would be the one with the level head?

If we all start ranting and reloading at one another, then we all look like crazy people, and act like crazy people, and, sad to say, react like crazy people.

Country singer Chely Wright, on how coming out as gay has affected her career:

"It didn’t help my career. My record sales went directly in half. If it appears from the outside in that it’s helped my career, it could be because I haven’t talked about the negative. You won’t hear me bitching and moaning on my Facebook about the hate mail I’ve gotten. My life has been threatened. I get nasty letters every day, 'I’m through with you Chely Wright, you’re going to hell.' There’s a big difference between press and advocacy and…. sometimes people forget that people who sing or make movies, this isn’t just a hobby for us. This is how I pay my bills. In coming out I had a feeling that it would diminish my wage earning, and that feeling was correct. And, I am fine with that."

Proving that, even if coming out is detrimental, financially, or even emotionally, it's a whole lot better than hiding and lying and feeling any sort of shame.

Cindy Jacobs, wackadoo member of Generals International, who believes the mass fish and bird deaths is caused by the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell:

"[L]et’s talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We’re going to watch and see. But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we’ve had the repeal of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed. It could be because we have said it’s okay for people who commit these kinds of acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history, there is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of the air."

Wow.

Really. Wow.

Sometimes the only way to respond to crazy talk like this is to just shake one's head and move along....

Tom Ford, on gay relationships, and his twenty-four year commitment to his partner Richard Buckley:

"One of the things that always amuses me -- amuses isn’t even the right word, because it doesn’t amuse me -- but often, I’m at dinner parties with very close friends, straight, and they realize that Richard and I have been together 24 years, and the response is often, "Wow, you guys have been together 24 years! That’s so amazing. I don’t think of gay men being together that long." And I’m, like, "Why? What are you talking about?" Some of the longest relationships I know of are same-sex couples. A lot of my straight friends have married and divorced and married and divorced in the time Richard and I have been together. I think that preconception, from even very educated liberal friends, that being gay is possibly more sex-based than emotionally based, is surprising and shocking in today’s world."

If any relationship, gay or straight, was based purely on sex, then no one would be in a committed relationship.

Gay relationships, as I've said time and time and time again, are just the same as straight relationships, except the genders are different.

They match.

Will & Grace co-creator Max Mutchnick, on Richard Chamberlain's recent statement about gay actors staying in the closet if they want to work:

 “I don’t think the audience is as homophobic as the media would have us believe. Neither is Hollywood. I’ve never denied an actor a job because he was gay. But I have denied actors jobs because they suck."

It's called show business for a reason, because, while part of it is art, money is the bottom line.

So, if a gay actor or actress gets audiences in the theater, or in front of their television sets, no one cares.
Richard Chamberlain is till speaking from that place of fear that kept him closeted throughtout the majority of his career.

Wackadoo preacher Cindy Jacobs, again, on how God will split California in half if Proposition 8 is repealed:

"A pastor of a large Nazarene Church had a dream of a very large earthquake on the central coast. He shared this at the Christmas gathering for all the Santa Maria Pastors and 5 cities area. Because of the destruction and intensity of the quake he thought he should tell the Pastors so they could pray into it. Another intercessor in the area had a dream and saw a map of California. She noticed on the map how Pt. Conception juts out into the water. As she looked she saw an 8 with a circle beside it in the waters off Pt Conception. Prop 8 is a foundational covenant issue, i.e. issue of marriage, in the state. If the state supreme court does not uphold it, a covenant issue is broken with God. Judgment is looming.".

Oh, Cindy, honey, you give us too much credit.

I mean, seriously, repealing DADT causes mass animal deaths and repealing Prop H8 will cause a massive earthquake?

If we had that power, do you really think we'd need to go through the courts to gain equality?

No, we'd just stand under a disco ball and call our God, Judy Garland, down from the club, to send glitter and rainbows throughout the land until we get what we want.

Birther loon, Theresa Cao:

"Literally if this question of the natural born citizenship, if this question does not get answered, then I am allowing a tyrannical dictator – the spirit of the anti-Christ, the new world order system that has their plans right this second to collapse the U.S. economy, and we know their plan, the new world order system's plan is to literally destroy humanity. He [Obama] has fought it not only for two years, not only has he fought it pre-election but historically all of his connections, every single connection [has been] blacked out. It's prophesied this new world order system will devastate America and the world, and Satan's plan is to take as many people to hell with him as he can. "

Wow. He's not born here and he's the anti-Christ.

Again, as I said about Cindy Jacobs, if Obama has all that power Theresa, as the anti-Christ surely must have, couldn't he make the Earth open up and sallow all the birthers?

Please?

An excerpt from The Hipster Huckleberry Finn, which substitutes "hipster" wherever the n-word appears in the original:

"Jim was monstrous proud about it, and he got so he wouldn't hardly notice the other hipsters. Hipsters would come miles to hear Jim tell about it, and he was more looked up to than any hipster in that country. Strange hipsters would stand with their mouths open and look him all over, same as if he was a wonder. Hipsters is always talking about witches in the dark by the kitchen fire; but whenever one was talking and letting on to know all about such things, Jim would happen in and say, 'Hm! What you know 'bout witches?' and that hipster was corked up and had to take a back seat."

Oh, yeah, that's much better.

Now kids that read Finn will never truly know what life was like in Twain's time; it'll be whitewashed and sanitized beyond recognition.

Gore Vidal, on Michele Bachmann's claim that she became a Republican after being horrified by Vidal's "trashing" of the Founding Fathers in his 1973 novel, Burr:"She is too stupid to deserve an answer."

Who says a writer needs to take pages and pages to get a point across.

Sometimes succinct does the trick quite nicely.

  

I Didn't Say It.....

Cindy Jacobs, on the downfall of society because Madonna kissed Britney on TV, at a "Christian" rally in Sacramento last weekend:

"This girl-on-girl kissing, Madonna kissing Britney Spears, and what happened to Britney after that and a lot of other things. I know we’re going out over worldwide television. I want to tell you, bisexuality, every kind of perverse thing, the Bible calls this sin. And I want the women of God to kneel down right now and we are going to put a stop to this in our generation and we are going to say 'No More!'"

Two women kissed on a TV show and the world as we know it is coming to an end.

Cindy? I think that kiss kinda made you tingly in places you'd never been tingly before. Why else bring up a seven-year-old kiss?

Australian medal-winning swimmer Stephanie Rice, apologizing for Tweeting "suck on that faggots - probs the best game I've ever seen - well done boys") after a rugby game:

"My comments were thoughtless and careless but I can assure you when I made those comments on Twitter I never intended to offend anybody. I've learned a lot in the last couple of days. I've learned I must think before I speak and this has been a very important lesson. I've also learned that some things you say can mean more to others than they do to you...I felt I've let a lot of people down. I just want people to know how sorry I am. I'm just here to gain people's trust back and show how out of character it was."

I think we take her at her word.

I haven't heard that she's uttered these sorts of things before, so move on.

But, yes, there is a but, we need to make "faggot" not quite such a hateful thing to call someone.

Straight or gay.

Gay Olympic diver Matthew Mitcham, coming to Rice's defense, on Twitter:

"I agree, it was offensive & very thoughtless, but being friends with her for 2years, I know she is not homophobic...She meant no malice, & she has apologised for her careless comment posted in the excitment of the moment....That's enough for me to forgive a friend...She's not a homophobe. She luvs gays but used very ill-chosen language...I don't in any way support or condone WHAT she said, but her apology & remorse is genuine & we are good friends."

At some point, like Matthew, we need to move beyond the condemnation of the person for their words and understand people say things in the heat, and excitement, of the moment.

Scissor Sisters vocalist Ana Matronic, on her late gay father, who died of AIDS when she was a teenager:

"Mum said, 'We can't get back together because dad is gay.' It wasn't said in a brutal or shocking way. Although I was young, I knew dad now felt about men the way that he had once felt about my mother. Basically, I understood this meant they'd never be together - and at six, that sucked.I may have chosen that path subconsciously, but I didn't think, 'Right, life mission: I'm going to understand what it's like to be a gay man. I've always been a very flamboyant person and I think I would have ended up there anyway. I was born and raised in a very artistic household. I went to drama classes at school. My mother is an incredibly artistic woman. I think that regardless of whether or not my father was gay, I would have sought out creatively passionate people."

People are people, straight or gay, and some of them die from AIDS, straight or gay.

But it affects us all.

Danielle Staub, on being fired--though she says she quit--from Bravo's Real Mafia Wives Of New Jersey:

"I'm way too good for this. They have used me about as much as I can be used. I think it's time for me to move on and upward. I don't see any interest for me to be attacked like that. I mean, what's left for [the other castmates]? To kill me? Bravo seems to be glorifying their behavior. And I think it's almost like telling children to behave poorly at school, 'It's OK.'"

Once a victim always a lying manipulative famewhore looking to score another fifteen minutes of fame and get some more money for the plastic surgeon, and the legal team keeping her from prison.

Andy Cohen on Bravo's sexuality:

"I always saying we’re bi, but I think it’s kind of how I view myself being gay—it’s just one of things that I am. So Bravo may or may not be gay, but I think there’s a lot of other things going on. I think for the gay people on Bravo, it’s one of the things that they are—they’re not on Bravo because they’re gay."

Oh, Andy, bring Bravo out of the closet.

It's gay.

Way gay.

It's so gay that I should have my own show on Bravo.

Susan Sarandon, on her breakup with Tim Robbins:

"The nation mourned. I had a lot of people who came up to me and were not as upset as I was–but were definitely upset. I did feel a sense of responsibility, because I knew that people had a certain idea of how I was and who we were. And in that sense …But on your deathbed, it's not really going to matter how those people felt."

This is a smart sexy confident woman and if I were heterosexual man I might be turned on by her.

Who am I kidding, I am turned on by a smart sexy confidant woman.

I could always use another Fag Hag.

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise's Stepford wife, on not having any more children--right now--with the diminutive former star:

"Maybe in a couple of years, but right now I want to make sure I'm really there for Suri. I'm the youngest in my family — my closest sister is five years older than me, and the next one is nine years ahead of me, so I was a bit of an only child, and I liked it! I liked having all of my mom's attention, and sometimes I think I still do. [Plus] we travel a lot, and so for me, it's keeping a daily schedule for Suri that never changes. We wake up and we do the same thing. She does her chores. If she doesn't get her chores done, I notice she's not really herself. She has to make her bed, she has to take her dishes to the sink, she has to put her clothes in the laundry — you know, that basic stuff."

And by "basic stuff," I think she means Suri rings for the maid to make her bed, and do her laundry.And by waiting until Suri is older, i think she means waiting for the Church of Scientology to give it's okay.