Snarky Thoughts

We all know the stories of Lea Michele’s bitchiness on the set of Glee, and how she tortured the cast and guest stars with her diva behaviors. And we know she schemed and cajoled and, god knows what else, her way into the lead of the Funny Girl revival on Broadway earlier this year, but maybe she’s trying to change … starting with her face. Recently Lea shared selfies on her Instagram, and social media lit up about buccal fat removal–the new procedure allegedly making its way through the women who have the fat sucked from their cheeks to look thinner.

My Thought: Lea’s face doesn’t look thinner … and it’s a bit more than gaunt. What’s the word? Skeletal! Yes, that’s a good look. And, is it just me, or was the fat sucked from her cheeks pumped into her lips?

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Chatting with Janelle Monáe for Variety’s Actors on Actors series, Elvis actor Austin Butler said that he didn’t see his family for almost years while prepping for the role of the King, and when he finally did see them he couldn’t stop being Elvis, moving and speaking like the long dead performer.

My Thought: Since Butler failed to mention this the press tours last year when Elvis opened, I think he’s telling the “story” now in case Oscar voters are listening.

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You know I am not one of those millionaires, but if I were I could think of many more things to spend 100K on, including a pet … and I’m even talking about The Great Tuxedo. But maybe comedian Gabriel Iglesias didn’t think anything about dropping $100,000 on a quinceañera for his chihuahua Risa. Iglesias paraded Risa through the party in a tricked-out baby carriage with neon accent lights looking every bit a fairy-tail princess … up to and including three sequined gowns she was changed into over the course of the festivities.

My Thought: This party wasn’t for the dog, and it wasn’t for Iglesias, it was for people Iglesias wanted to impress by spending all that dough on a dog.

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I guess he’s either trying to outdo Nick Cannon in the Baby Daddy Race or he’s trying to out crazy Kanye. Either way, 53-year-old Sean John Daddy P. Diddy Puffy or Diddy Love Combs had a baby with Dana Tran while still in a relationship with 28-year-old Caresha “Yung Miami” Brownlee and he wants y’all to stop calling that other woman a “side chick.” What a gentleman! This newest baby daughter, named Love Sean Combs, joins her siblings Quincy Taylor Brown, 30, Justin Dior Combs, 27, Christian Combs, 23, Chance Combs, 15, D’Lila & Jessie Combs, 14. Seven children with four different women.

My Thought: He has a few more babies to go before besting Cannon but naming his latest daughter after himself is kinda Kanye.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gigi Hadid has bangs, y’all.

That’s the headline after Hadid broke up with Zayn Malik, with whom she shares a daughter, Khai, after Zayn ALLEGEDLY physically and verbally assaulted Gigi’s mother, Yolanda Hadid, during an argument in September.

But Gigi got bangs!

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After news broke that Funny Girl would return to Broadway and that  Beanie Feldstein [left]—who played Monica Lewinsky in Impeachment: American Crime Story—will star as Fanny Brice, one former Glee star, Lea Michele [right] , was said to be devastated.

You see, Ryan Murphy, who produced Glee and, ironically, Impeachment: American Crime Story, wanted to buy the rights to Funny Girl for Michele, but his deal fell through, and the new producing team probably heard stories about Michele’s horrible reputation and went with Feldstein, after which Lea, trying to save her already horrid reputation, rather than sh*tting in Feldstein’s ‘Monica’ beret—something she wanted to do to a Glee extra—Michele replied to Beanie’s Instagram post about her new gig:

“Yes! YOU are the greatest star! This is going to be epic!” 

Actually, my guess is that Lea had someone else type that while she was screaming and tearing her hair out. Anyway, more time has passed and Lea  wants y’all to know that she is still super happy about Beanie getting the role; it’s fine, y’all, really. And we know this because Lea said so in a podcast:

“There’s been so much talk about me coming to Broadway—and not coming to Broadway! Listen, I am so unbelievably excited to see Funny Girl on Broadway. I cannot wait. I had drinks with [director] Michael [Mayer] the other day, and I just think that Beanie is an incredible choice for the production, and I think it’s going to be so wonderful. I can’t wait to see Jane [Lynch] in it as well. I think that a lot of people always put me in the lane with Funny Girl because, of course, I love the show and the music. But I did get to do a lot of it on Glee.”

Wow, the thirst is real; first she does “drinks” with the director, and then of course mentions how many people thought she should play Fanny and how many times she’s sung the role. And then she adds:

“There were so many shows and so many roles that I would love to play, and I’m so grateful that Broadway is back now. But for me to come back to Broadway… Maybe I am coming back to Broadway!”

If I were Beanie I’d be looking for marbles on the stairs or baby oil drizzled on the stage because Lea is coming to Broadway … though she’ll need a ticket.

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Well well well … 40-year-old Paris Hilton finally tied a man down.

Last week she married 40-year-old Carter Reum during a three-day-wedding that was filmed for a reality show so that neither Paris nor Carter had to actually pay for it. And that might be a good thing because now we know that Carter has a secret nine-year-old daughter that he takes care of financially, though he’s only seen her once in her life.

And Paris hopes to have children with this man? Good luck.

Sidenote: he looks like a terrible father in that photo.

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Sorry not sorry, but as Erika Jayne and soon-to-be ex-husband Tom Girardi are still fighting the We Stole From Burn Victims and Orphans to Fund Our Lavish Lifestyle scenario, comes word that their home they are selling has now been knocked down in price …again.

The Pasadena mansion hit the market earlier this year for $13 million but as no one put an offer on the place, the price was dropped two months later to $11.5 million, then dropped again to $9.98 million, and has been dropped again, down 37% to from the original price to just $8 million.

And is still sitting empty.

Sorry, not sorry.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Are some of the Kardastrophes going to jail? Well, I can dream … but apparently there’s news that the least talented Kardastrophe, Kylie Jenner may have ALLEGEDLY faked her way onto Forbes Billionaire list with the help of That Woman who is ALLEGEDLY being investigated for exaggerating the value of Kylie Cosmetics.

Kylie, who was twice named by Forbes as the world’s youngest self-made billionaire, was kicked off the list last week because, wait for it, like _____ she is not a billionaire. And now there may be an in-depth investigation into how her overall business is managed. Forbes says that financial filings with the Securities Exchange Commission show she may have been lying about her success.

Perhaps Kylie and That Woman could share a cell and do a podcast, Keeping Up with the Lying Media Whores?

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A while back we learned that true love had died when Pamela Anderson ended her twelve-day marriage to Jon Peters.

I still ache for their loss. But did their marriage die along with their love? Not according to Pammy who told The New York Times they were never married at all:

“I wasn’t married. No. I’m a romantic. I think I’m an easy target. And I think people just live in fear. I don’t know what all that was about, but I think fear really played a lot into it. It was just kind of a little moment. A moment that came and went, but there was no wedding, there was no marriage, there was no anything. I was in India and I went to this panchakarma cleanse, and I’d been gone for three weeks in this ayurvedic center, meditating, just so clear. I came back and VWOOM, within 24 hours, I saw Jon. It was like this little whirlwind thing, and it was over really quick, and it was nothing. Nothing physical. It’s just a friendship.  It’s like it never even happened. That sounds bizarre.”

Um, nope Pammy, it sounds like you’re desperately seeking attention since the last time you were relevant was when Tim Allen was relevant. She also used the interview to say she wanted to get married one more time—after her real three failures to Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and Rick Solomon:

“Just one more time, please, God. One more time only. Only! …Three marriages. I know that’s a lot, but it’s less than five.”

Oh Pammy, you know you wanna out JLo JLo. There’s bound to be another douchebag headed your way.

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Speaking of dead marriages, after months of speculation and baited breath we can now confirm that sexually fluid Julianne Hough and sexually tempted Brooks Laich are officially over  after nearly three years of marriage.

And while they have been apart during the pandemic—she self-quarantined with another man and he trolled the internet—they announced their separation in a joint statement … meeting they smoked a doobie and called TMZ:

“We have lovingly and carefully taken the time we have needed to arrive at our decision to separate. We share an abundance of love and respect for one another and will continue to lead with our hearts from that place. We kindly request your compassion and respect for our privacy moving forward.”

So much love …in divorce. That’s all … except Brooks., if you wanna come to my house dressed like that and lumberjackmeoff I wouldn’t argue.

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The other day, for a split second, I was Team Meghan McCain when she called Derek Chauvin, the police officer who murdered George Floyd a ‘murderer’ while her other View co-host called  Chauvin the man ‘responsible ‘ for Floyd’s death.

I was Team Meghan! And then this snippet of white privilege … until this week, from her apartment in a chi-chi New York City neighborhood Meghan Tweeted:

“My neighborhood in Manhattan is eviscerated and looks like a war zone. DeBlasio and Cuomo are an utter disgrace. This is not America. Our leaders have abandoned us and continue to let great American cities burn to the ground and be destroyed. I never could have fathomed this.”

How scary to not be able to get to Dean & Deluca for a charcuterie plate, except …

Kristen Bartlett—co-head writer for TBS’ Full Frontal with Samantha Bee—checked Meghan’s story and found, well, it to be lacking in veracity and Tweeted out a correction:

“Meghan, we live in the same building, and I just walked outside. It’s fine.”

And then another neighbor, Alison Greene, schooled McCain over The Twitter:

“Meghan, I also live in the same building and went for a walk both yesterday and this morning and it's fine.”

Meghan hasn’t responded to Kristen or Alison’s ALLEGATIONS of being a self-entitled rich white woman in American because, well, she’s a self-entitled rich white woman in America. ... whom I will start calling Karen McCain.

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Celebrities continue to show their support for the ongoing police brutality protests on social media, including newly pregnant Lea Michele who Tweeted her solidarity with Black Lives Matter:

“George Floyd did not deserve this. This was not an isolated incident and it must end. #BlackLivesMatter”

But then one of Lea’s former co-stars, Samantha Marie Ware, upper right, who played Jane on the sixth season of Glee, saw that Tweet and said, Oh no she di’in’t and then Tweeted out to the world the living hell that Lea Michele created on the set of Glee …uh, in ALL CAPS:

“LMAO REMEMBER WHEN YOU MADE MY FIRST TELEVISON GIG A LIVING HELL?!?! CAUSE ILL NEVER FORGET. I BELIEVE YOU TOLD EVERYONE THAT IF TOU HAD THE OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD “SHIT IN MY WIG!” AMONGST OTHER TRAUMATIC MICROAGRESSIONS THAT MADE ME QUESTION A CAREER IN HOLLYWOOD”

Oh dear … shiz in a wig?

Wig? Snatched… and then shit in. And it continued as more and more of Lea’s former co-stars took to The Twitter to, um, speak their truth. Amber Riley, who co-starred as Mercedes, posted this photo:

And here’s another from Dabier who guest-starred on an episode of Glee:

“GIRL YOU WOULDNT LET ME SIT AT THE TABLE WITH THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS CAUSE “I DIDNT BELONG THERE” FUCK YOU LEA”

But it wasn’t just Glee actors coming for Lea; her former co-star on the short-lived 2017 show, The Mayor, Yvette Nicole Brown, responded to Samey’s original Tweet with this dig:

“I felt every one of those capital letters.”

And then came Jeanté Godlock who was a ‘background’ actor, though Lea called them other names:

“did somebody say cockroaches? because that’s what she used to refer to the background as on the set of glee. but we grow up and we don’t stay background forever sooooo...”

Actress Angela Sauceda has her own less-than-gleeful tale:

“Been telling people this for years. I worked with her once. She literally would only speak to me through her assistant. Just not addressing my presence. She was two feet away.”

Now, to be fair, stories about Lea’s giant ego and rude behavior have been floating around for years, but it took her own BLM comment for many people of color who worked alongside Lea to say ‘enough’ … except for HelloFresh, the meal-kit company, for whom Lea had been a representative; they dropped her ad campaign saying:

“HelloFresh does not condone racism nor discrimination of any kind. We are disheartened and disappointed to learn of the recent claims concerning Lea Michele. We take this very seriously, and have ended our partnership with Lea Michele, effective immediately.”

And with no job to go to, Lea Michele has issued a faux-pology:

“One of the most important lessons of the last few weeks is that we need to take the time to listen and learn about other people’s perspectives and any role we have played or anything we can do to help address the injustices that they face.

When I tweeted the other day, it was meant to be a show of support for our friends and neighbors and communities of color during this really difficult time, but the responses I received to what I posted have made me also focus specifically on how my own behavior towards fellow cast members was perceived by them.

While I don’t remember ever making this specific statement and I have never judged others by their background or color of their skin, that’s not really the point. What matters is that I clearly acted in ways which hurt other people.

Whether it was my privileged position and perspective that caused me to be perceived as insensitive or inappropriate at times or whether it was just my immaturity and me just being unnecessarily difficult, I apologize for my behavior and for any pain which I have caused. We all can grow and change and I have definitely used these past several months to reflect on my own shortcomings.

I am a couple of months from becoming a mother and I know I need to keep working to better myself and take responsibility for my actions, so that I can be a real role model for my child and so I can pass along my lessons and mistakes, so that they can learn from me. I listened to these criticisms and I am learning and while I am very sorry, I will be better in the future from this experience.”

Hey Lea, howsabout a little less “perceived as insensitive” and a little more “I was a bitch and I’m sorry.”

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It's Snarkurday!

By now you’ve all heard about the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault storm, right? I mean, it stands at just over thirty women and Harvey looks to be making a run at Bill Cosby Accuser Numbers. Ah, being rich allows you to sexually assault women, eh, _____?

Anyway, a new wrinkle has appeared in the Weinstein Saga ... namely that Harvey’s brother, and business partner, Bob Weinstein, is the one who spilled the beans about Harvey and Little Harvey’s misdeeds.

A source—and it’s ALLEGEDLY a former staffer—saysthat Bob, who co-founded The Weinstein Company and its predecessor Miramax with Harvey, deliberately exposed his brother as a sexual predator in order to squeeze him out and take over the business; the source also says Bob might have been who tattled to the New York Times, which ran that expose on Harvey’s        ALLEGED history of sexual harassment and multiple related settlements, and says Bob has been plotting this for a long time.

Ah, sibling rivalry. I remember when my brother and I would fight over something stupid but times change and now outing your brother as a pervert to become top-dog at the family business is the new move.

And it’s made all the more skeevey because, clearly, Bob Weinstein knew all about it and said nothing for years.

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James Woods is leaving acting, and Acting replied:

“Huh? I assumed you’d already gone.”

At any rate, Woods, a Twittering Asshatted Conservative Douchebag, apparently left it up to his real estate agent, Allen Gammons, to say that Woods’ Exeter, Rhode Island property is going on the market because James is “retiring from the entertainment industry and seeking to ‘simplify his life’ by selling ‘his many real estate holdings on both coasts.’”

When I retire I’m gonna have the paperboy deliver the news with the Smallville Times ...

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It appears Nelly was put into handcuffs out in Washington this week after a woman claimed she was raped by him on his tour bus. The woman called 911 at 3:48 in the morning claiming she was sexually assaulted by Nelly on his tour bus which was parked outside a Walmart. And clearly Nelly is not a big enough celebrity to warrant special treatment because he was arrested less than an hour after the claim was made and booked on second degree rape charges. He was released a few hours later.

Nelly’s people are, naturally, claiming that he’s the victim in all this:

“Nelly is the victim of a completely fabricated allegation. Our initial investigation , clearly establishes , this allegation is devoid of credibility and is motivated by greed and vindictiveness. I am confident , once this scurrilous accusation is thoroughly investigated , there will be no charges. Nelly is prepared to address and pursue all legal avenues to redress any damage caused by this clearly false allegation.”

Funny, though, that the woman called as soon as the ALLEGED rape was over, and hasn’t asked for a dime; but still, you know, Celebrity Privilege.

And then, in other, gross, Nelly news ... there is a Twitter Video—a Twideo?—from a Nelly show of him twirling a little girl’s hair all sexy-like while performing on stage because nothing says Ick more than a grown man flirting with a child.

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Oh Little Richard. Gurl, please make up your mind.

This week, flamboyantly, openly, wildly gay Little Richard renounced his homosexuality saying same-sex relationships are “unnatural affections” when he appeared on Today Live on the Christian network Three Angels Broadcasting to announce he was going back into the closet:

“When I first come in show business they wanted you to look like everybody but yourself. And, anybody that comes in show business they gone say you gay or straight… God made men, men and women, women.”

This is yet another Little Richard Tutti-Frutti Flip Flop; in his 1984 biography, he said homosexuality was “unnatural” and “contagious” but then in 1995 he came out as gay in an interview with Penthouse—apparently someone infected with the gay coughed near him and he caught it ... or something—and said:

“I’ve been gay all my life and I know God is a God of love, not of hate.”

Then in 2012 GQ interview, he talked of all the orgies he’s taken part in with both men and women, but now, this time, he’s totally not gay.

Until he does an interview again. I’m guessing.

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Is Alec Baldwin back at his bead behavior? A source—and it might have been a _____ spawn seeking revenge for Baldwin’s impersonation  of the Bigot-In-Chief—says they saw Alec get into a fight with two people in a black SUV on an NYC street this week.

There’s no indication of why Baldwin went Street Nuts again though maybe the driver just pissed on Baldwin while he was out for a stroll; he was heard calling the driver a “meatball” and then demanding that the driver and passenger get out of the vehicle. But the driver knows you don’t exit a vehicle when Alec shouts because he’s been known to brawl in the streets so they didn’t oblige, which pissed Alec off more.

He whipped out his phone and started videotaping them, and when they sped off he took a picture of their license plate and then tossed the Big Gulp he was carrying to the ground.

Oh, now it’s clear. Alec was having a Slurpee when the SUV drove by and it startled him and he spilled some drink on his shirt so it was time to fight ...

I mean that sounds as plausible as any other reason for Baldwin to go Nuts In The Streets again.

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Lea Michele is annoying.

She’d tried to play herself off as Barbra Streisand 2.0 on Glee but she was more Streisand-extra-lite and extra-bothersome. Now she’s on a new show, The Mayor, playing a secondary character and, well, it appears as though someone over there doesn’t like Lea so much and is spilling some tea or throwing some shade.

As in Lea Michele sends herself flowers every day on set. A source says bouquets have arrived every day for Michele and she “likes everyone to see them and makes a big song and dance about it. Every. Single. Time.”

Now, truth be told, Lea has been dating clothing designer Zandy Reich since July but no one on the set thinks he’s the Flower Boy.

The spy says:

“The flowers arrive the same time every day, so we joke that she’s set up auto-delivery with the flower company.”

Well, her voice if often auto-tuned so maybe the flowers are auto-delivered.

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Michelle Collins, comedian and former co-host on The View—and who hasn’t been a co-host on that show? I did a week there back in ’07 but was kicked to the curb for opening Barbara’s crypt before she was fully made up—has a friend who works for Sarah Jessica Parker and Collins got her hands on an email from SJP to her “staff” on how things should be done around the Parker-Broderick home.

Who knew SJP could be so very Joan Crawford? I mean, besides Kim Cattrall.

Anyway, in the emails Collins says were writtn by SJP, the actress instructs “staffers” to refill a tiny 1.75-ounce container of Vaseline with a small spoon or knife for her children’s use. She stresses that the refill jar not be too big (so as to not clutter the house), and that the cutlery used to handle the Vaseline must be hand-washed using a paper towel followed by a cycle in the dishwasher.

Out damned spots!

Other things to be monitored and refilled include the face and body wash in her 14-year-old son’s personal shower. Seriously, the last place I wanna check out is the shower of a horny fourteen-year-old boy! Just sayin’.

SJP has also given instructions on how hard the children should blink when eye drops are administered; this ALLEGEDLY comes on the heels of a Pink-Eye issue from last year.

But she’s not all pissy and prickly; oh no, instructions are also given for Taco Tuesday when SJP asks staffers to purchase, ahem, “whatever meat goes in tacos”.

And it better not taste like Cattrall.

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It's Snarkurday!

Oh Paltrow ... really? Rumor has it that Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to make GOOP appeal to, um, well, those of us who can’t afford a $2,000 t-shirt; those of us who live in what Paltrow once politely termed “flyover” states—as in states you’d never visit unless there was an emergency landing; those of us she considers “peasants.”

And so, if you aren’t into letting Stanley Steamer clean your hoo-haw, and you aren’t into Barefoot In The Dirt therapy, er, um, Earthing, she is now trying to make fast-food the In Thing.

If you go to Dairy Queen GOOP recommends the “50-calorie fudge bar” and not much else. Chipotle? GOOP says have a bowl, with some brown rice, or “if you’re hungry. Load up on the veggies, skip the dairy, add black beans, and you’re good to go.”

At Wendy’s you can eat “Power Mediterranean Chicken Salad” with no hummus, or, if having a burger—and the Shamers will come for you—at least switch the fries out for a baked potato ... with no sour cream EVER!!!! And try the veggie-heavy sandwich at Subway ... but don’t eat the bread! Throw it away!

Look, here’s the deal, Gwyneth Paltrow is a spoiled self-entitled rich bitch who thinks she knows what’s best for everyone ... at least everyone with a substantial bank account. She did not go to any one of these places and try the food; she no doubt had testers that were ordered to try the food but don’t swallow ... if you want to keep you job.

Paltrow and Fast Food is like _____ and the Truth; they have never met.

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That Woman is on a rampage to restore her crap-fest “reality” show to its former glory now that the ratings are in freefall. But what can she do? Kim cannot get robbed again? Kanye cannot get any crazier? Should the drunken ex-husband come back into the fold? Should one of the younger ones get pregnant? What does a FameWhoring Mother do when her children don’t make sex tapes she can sell?

She turns to her newest trainwreck, Rob and Blac Chyna, and tries to get them back together if only for the sake of the show; let ‘em crash and burn for ratings like a normal family.

And, in order to do that, That Woman is hurling some coins at Blac Chyna ... and since Chyna is used to having coins tossed her way, or dollar bills slipped into her g-string, she’s on-board.

See, now that the KUWTK ratings are down, That Woman needs ... neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds ... Rob and Chyna’s show, Rob & Chyna, to be the hit she so desperately craves because, you know, she doesn’t have a job other than whoring out her kids; so she offered to cut Chyna a child support check.

Oh, not to support the child she had with Rob; no, silly, these coins are for the child Chyna had with Rob’s sister’s ex-boyfriend, Tyga, who, for some reason, cannot afford child support. And That Woman will cut the checks only as long as Chyna stays with Rob and works on their show.

Gosh, with Mother’s Day coming up, I now know who should get top honors ...

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Janet Jackson has always been secretive about her life; she even got married, and divorced, twice, with nary a word about it. Then, earlier this year, she announced she was with child, had the baby at fifty and then divorced her billionaire husband, Wissam Al Mana.

There were some who thought Janet waited to have that baby knowing that her coins from the prenup would double if she had a child, but that might not be true ... except it is. And so now Wissam is coming out to dish about the Missus.

Wissam went to his website, because that’s what one does, to give some snark about Janet in the form a few cryptic passages from the Quran:

“You shall most certainly be tried in your possessions and in your persons; and indeed you shall hear many hurtful things from those to whom revelation was granted before your time, as well as from those who have come to ascribe divinity to other beings beside Allah. But if you remain patient in adversity and conscious of Him—this, behold, is something to set one’s heart upon.”

Sounds like Wissam is coming for Janet.

Where is my bucket of popcorn?

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Apparently being the daughter of a multimillionaire media tycoon isn’t enough to save you from financial dire straits.

Tori Spelling.

It appears that the IRS—tired of waiting for a check—has emptied the bank accounts of Spelling and her adulterer husband Dean Something-Or-Other.

Last July, it was reported that the couple—who had their fifth child in March—were slammed with a federal tax lien for $707,487.30 in unpaid federal taxes for 2014. And then Something-Or-Other’s—quick Google search reveals the deadbeats last name is McDermott—ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, threatened him with jail over unpaid child support and Dean sobbed to the court that he and the Missus have, ahem, “fallen on hard times.”

And that might be true, because in November 2016, the couple was sued by American Express over an unpaid credit-card balance of $87,595.55; AMEX sued them earlier in year over a $37,981.97 bill.

So what do Tori and Dean do? Well, their tried to turn their lives, and this fifth child, the Band-Aid baby they created in the hopes of salvaging their marriage and their bank accounts, into a reality show but, yeah, no one is buying.

Perhaps when she goes to jail she can turn that into a show? Tori and Dean In The Big House While Their Children Live With Nana?

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Mel B’s huge bust-up with ex-husband Stephen Belafonte was ALLEGEDLY sparked by his accusation that she had slept with ... get ready to huuuuurl ...Simon Cowell.

And that’s what started the fight that ended their marriage because, after Belafonte made those allegations, as Mel prepared for the talent show’s final in December 2014, she ended up missing the first night of the two-parter due to an ALLEGED drug overdose. But she was back the next night—with bruises on her face and arms—and hiding the fact that she had been accused of having an affair with Cowell.

But it wasn’t just Cowell, Belafonte was jealous of, it was also fellow judge Cheryl Cole; Belafonte ALLEGEDLY lost his temper backstage after Mel playfully grabbed Cheryl’s rear-end and walked into her dressing room wearing next to nothing. Mel subsequently filed for divorce from Belafonte and won a restraining order against him.

I’ve a feeling it’s only going to get uglier, but can it get uglier than someone thinking you’re cheating with Simon Man-Boobs Cowell?

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Poor Tommy Mottola; he was married for a short time to  über diva Mariah Carey, and he probably thought that was insane. But his current wife, Mexican superstar Thalia, is ALLEGEDLY giving Carey a run for the title.

Thalia is being sued over a 20-year deal with EDF Brands to license products in her native country after the company accused her of skipping promotional duties and charged them $120,000 for travel, which is way beyond the bounds of their contract.

For a two-day trip for a product launch, Thalia ALLEGEDLY demanded a private plane from New York to Mexico City for $65,000, hotel rooms for $15,000, security for $25,000, hair and makeup for $6,000 and a stylist for $10,000.

However, unlike Carey, she didn’t ask for money to have someone carry her through the hotel lobby like a giant stripper rag-doll, so, yeah, there’s that.

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On Tuesday we learned that basketball player, and, well, player, Carmelo and La La Anthony’s marriage of seven years is over because, ALLEGEDLY, Carmelo got a stripper pregnant and, funny thing, a lot of wives don’t like that.

And so, even though the couple signed a prenup, get ready for Cash Battles when the pair files for divorce. He has a $124 million contract with the Knicks and has earned more than $200 million during his career; he also has contracts with Nike Jordan and Foot Locker.

Now, that’s some bank, right there and even though the couple has a prenup, rumor has it that, like most premarital contracts, there’s a cheating clause and so this pregnant stripper business could mean a big pay out for La La if she decides to challenge the prenup.

I see a lot of extra zeros on the check Carmelo will be writing to La La.

Just sayin’.

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Recently, at the premiere of Clive Davis’ documentary, “The Soundtrack of Our Lives,” legends like Aretha Franklin, Dionne Warwick and Barry Manilow took the stage to perform, but it was Carly Simon who was the standout ... though not in the way one might think.

It seems Carly performed a cringe-worthy  rendition of “Coming Around Again,” in a mash-up with ... wait for it ... it’s crazy ... “Itsy Bitsy Spider,” while flanked by a group of small children doing the nursery rhyme hand gestures.

One attendee wailed:

“Why is this happening?”

Someone else cried:

“This sounded a lot better when we were high in the ’70s.”

But apparently Simon has performed the song mash-up for years and no one has told her to stop ... so I will: Stop.

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You know, when you’re Lea Michele and you were once the It Girl on a hit show like Glee and then followed it up with the role of Not It girl on not hit show Scream Queens, you need to get some attention. And what better way to do that than to announce to the world which famous women you’d hook-up with:

“I was just talking to Brad Goreski, who I love the most, and I was like, ‘Brad, if you were gonna be with a girl, who would you be with?’ He said Scarlett Johansson, and I stopped for a minute and was like, ‘Oh my God, I think me too. Also, Penélope Cruz, but I’ve been told that she kind of looks like me, so I don’t know what that says about me — that I’m narcissistic?!”

Yes, that’s exactly what it says; it also says you have a giant ego is you think you look anything like Penélope Cruz. But then she goes further and compares herself to ... I can hardly say it ... my head is pounding ... Cher:

 “It’s just gonna be me in bed with gay people and I’m gonna be alone forever like Cher, and that’s totally fine by me. That’s just the story of my f—kin’ life, all right.”

Stop, Lea, sit down. You are not Cher; on your best day you are not Cher on her worst day.

Stop; then go away.

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