Bobservations

The other night driving home from work I got behind this guy on a bicycle and the next thing I knew I was in Alabama.

How do these things happen?

This Tuxedo Memory is from April 2017:

“Yeah, I know, Tuxedo was here last week, but then he did this ... as I was getting ready for work yesterday he decided to nap in the bathroom window. But then stretched out on his back and twisted his body and when I walked in he held out his front legs to me and meowed like a little kid who wanted to be picked up.

I thought maybe he’d gotten himself twisted in the window and was having a hard time getting down, so I scooped him up, gave him a smooch and set him down.

So he could climb back into the window, turn on his back, twist his torso, hold out his paws and say, “Meowwww.” to me.

Apparently this will be a new game ....”

And I was up for it.

John Rose, a Tennessee Republican was speaking before Congress, kissing the ass of The Felon by saying:

 “Regardless of one’s opinion of the current Republican nominee, we’d be well served to remember the long and cherished tradition we have in this country of settling our political differences at the ballot box.”

But Rose’s son, Guy, kindergartener, won the day by rolling his eyes and sticking out his tongue while daddy spoke.

Sorry, John, Guy is a Democrat.

All these big retailers and fast food places  lowering prices on thousands of products in unison makes me suspect they were doing the opposite for a long time.

Will Smith and his not-wife, ex-wife, current wife, Jada, appeared on a red carpet to promote Will’s newest movie but … it is just me or does Jada look like there’s been some not-so-good work done to her face? Or, perhaps, maybe that’s the woman Will pays to play Jada? 

I mean, that’s an old photo up top, and here’s the newest Jada down below.

Stephen Thomas Farrea, a member of the Nationalist Social Club-131, a New England-based neo-Nazi group known for disrupting children’s “drag queen story hours,” has been charged with possessing child pornography.

Once again: it’s not the Drag Queens.

Corey Harris, a Michigan man with a suspended driver’s license, appeared in court on those charges via Zoom but apparently Harris is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

He appeared from behind the wheel of a vehicle he was driving and when Judge Cedric Simpson asked if Harris was driving he said he was almost at his doctor’s appointment and would park soon.

Simpson looked around the courtroom, took a long pause, a smile on his face, and then revoked Harris’ bond and instructed him to turn himself into the Washtenaw County Jail by that evening or be arrested.

And, apparently realizing what was happening, Corey Harris said, “Doh!”

Rayan Ricci is an actor and fitness model of French and Lebanese descent with some nice cakes, which is all well and good but: Would You Hit It?

It's Monday and I'm ...

Rumor has it the Republican asshat and self-loathing trans woman Caitlyn Jenner is writing a tell-all book to punish the Kardastrophe Klan for being mean to her as she transitioned. Jenner now claims she no longer speaks to ex-wife Kris Jenner and is no longer "close" to the reality TV family. An insider claims even Kendall and Kylie have "turned their backs" on Caitlyn:

"Caitlyn figures she has nothing to lose, so she's going to write the whole truth and make them sorry for shunning her."

So she’s gonna trash her ex-wife, her step-children, and her children because they didn’t help her launch her own reality show? Is she also gonna talk about how she thinks transwomen should not be allowed to participate in sports … unless it’s golf, which is Caitlyn’s favorite sport?

Nah, she’ll leave the hypocrisy out.

This has ick written all over it.

Y’all remember when Good Morning America news anchors TJ Holmes and Amy Robach got busted for cheating on their spouses and were fired from ABC? Yeah, well TJ and Amy are apparently still going strong so what’s the ick, you say?

That would be the news that TJ’s ex-wife, Marilee Fiebig, and Amy’s ex-husband, Andrew Shue, are now dating.

Ick.

Thirsty ex-actress Jada Pinkett Smith now says said Will Smith’s infamous 2022 Oscars slap saved their marriage after they had been separated and living apart for seven years:

“After all those years trying to figure out if I would leave Will’s side, it took that slap for me to see I will never leave him.”

Huh? What? All it takes to keep Jada by your side if for you to bitch-slap an Oscar host over a dumb joke? Is that her idea of love? Of that marriage saving slap Jada says:

“I call it the ‘holy slap’ now because so many positive things came after it.”

Her husband’s career crashed and burned, the academy shunned him Chris Rock turned him and Jada into punchlines … help me see the positive here.

Oh, Jada gets more attention.

And what does Will get? Well, from the looks of Mr. Smith in Miami without his wife, he gets  a new girlfriend.

Little Willie—his nickname from the guy who claims he walked in on Will on the receiving end of some anal sex with Duane Martin—was seen leaving Miami’s Art Basel with a woman who looks a little like Jada Pinkett Smith.

Maybe Will just wants a Jada who doesn’t use him to feed her ego, and her little Facebook talk show?

It's Monday and I'm ...

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith put on a united front on Thanksgiving, at least on Instagram, looking quite the happily married couple that hasn’t been separated for six or seven years.

Color me suspicious since these new family photos appeared right after Will’s former assistant Brother Bilaal claimed that he walked in on Smith having sex with actor Duane Marin in a dressing room several years ago.

Cue happy family pictures, I guess?

Naturally, a rep for Will vehemently denied the allegations and another says Will is “considering taking legal action” over the accusation but as of right now he’s just playing the part of happily married straight man on Instagram.

Oh goddess Gwyneth Paltrow is back again. Since she decided—or did we decide?—that her career was over Paltrow only makes headlines when she runs over skiers and then complains that her vacation was ruined.

So, how does Gwynnie get back in the spotlight? By attempting to prove that she and Dakota Johnson, who is currently dating Paltrow’s ex, Chris Martin, truly are good pals.

During a Q&A on Instagram Paltrow  was asked to post a photo with Johnson and suddenly there she was, holding hands with Dakota.

The thirst is real with Paltrow who wants nothing to do with show business but is clearly still thirsty for fame.

Now it’s Christina Aguilera’s turn to join the What Happened To Her Face Club.

After posting a TikTok video hundreds of fans commented that Aguilera looks almost unrecognizable under a full face of glam, complete with a glittery smokey eye and dark red nails and fans weren’t having it:

“no way thats Christina Aguilera.”

“Someone is pretending to be Christina Aguilera.”

“Wait, What? Is that woman Christina Aguilera?”

“I have no idea who that is??”

“that’s Christina Kardashian.”

The fans weren’t sure if she’d gone Kardastrophe or Lindsey Lohan or Madge, but she doesn’t look herself. Some fans even noticed that Christina’s signature icy blue eyes appeared to be brown.

“Who is THAT! That is not xtina, she has blue eyes not brown! And the whole thing looks like clone.”

And my favorite:

“This has gotta be AI Xtina.”

I’m all for Christians wanting to look her best but please tell me she doesn’t think her “best” is as a Kardastrophe.

Another blast from the past is one Jonathan Taylor Thomas, former Home Improvement co-star, who has apparently “resurfaced” after not being seen in two years.

The former ’90s heartthrob wore a black beanie, glasses, a light brown sweater and jeans while getting coffee in Southern California. The last time JTT was photographed was more than two years ago when he was spotted going out for a walk with his two small dogs in Los Angeles and before that, he hadn’t been glimpsed in public for eight years.

Is it drugs? Is it poverty? Or is it just him living his own life?

You see, Thomas opted out of Home Improvement in 1998 to focus on academics. He went on to study philosophy and history at Harvard and graduated from Columbia University in 2010, and also attended St. Andrews University in Scotland:

“I’d been going nonstop since I was 8 years old. I wanted to go to school, to travel and have a bit of a break. To sit in a big library amongst books and students, that was pretty cool. It was a novel experience for me. I never took the fame too seriously. It was a great period in my life, but it doesn’t define me.”

Good on him for choosing a life over the spotlight, and education over fame. Maybe he should DM Gwyneth Paltrow and show her how it’s done.

Snarky Thoughts

The Famewhore of Stupid Fashion—remember the couch she wore to the Met Gala?—Kim Kardastrophe is back with a brilliant [sarcasm font] new idea: Swim Gloves. It’s socks for your hands! It’s … it’s … it’s stupid, and to be fair Kimmy K didn’t invent swim gloves—they’ve been around and used for swimming and surfing and such—but Kimmy wants y’all to believe you need a pair of her special $48 evening swim gloves to “elevate your swim look.” Note, however, that Kimmy’s t-shirt and too-small thong swim combo cannot be elevated by the gloves.

My Thought: I wish she could elevate her IQ, and I also liked her better when she was trying to make the full-on face mask a thing.

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Not so very long ago Ben Affleck said he would never play Batman again, but apparently he’s had a change of heart and has left his Honeymoon World Tour starring Jennifer Lynn Affleck to head back to LA to shoot a Bat cameo in Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom.

My Thought: #1] it costs major coins to keep JLo happy and the paycheck and press from Batman might do the trick … for a few weeks, anyway.

And B] he needed to get away form all that honeymoon work.

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Here we are, four months after The Slap heard ‘Round The World™ and Will Smith has posted a video apologizing to Chris Rock for his actions at the 2022 Oscars. Will’s YouTube vided clocks it at over five minutes and he reveals that Rock’s people say Chris is not ready to talk.

My thought: you thought you were man ALLEGEDLY protecting your wife’s honor, but you aren’t man enough to face Chris Rock and apologize in person? Jada’s balls are bigger than Will’s.

PS Whoever sat you in front of that white light has to be laughing at how foolish it makes you look.

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As you may recall, we talked last week about Kylie Jenner and Drake joining that Fly Private Anywhere and Everywhere Club, and now we have another self-entitled, self-involved, unaware AKA stupid celebrity who is also flying short distances because driving an hour in the car is just too hard. Amirite, TayTay? Swifty has flown private 170 times since January, with a time in the air of about 16 days. Her total flight emissions for the year come in at 8,293.54 metric tons which is … wait for it … it’s stunning … 1,184.8 times more than the average person’s total annual emissions.

My Thought: Taylor clearly thinks her time is so much more precious than yours and what does she care if she fucks the planet.

PS Jay-Z, A-Rod, Steven Spielberg, Floyd Mayweather—whose plane took the shortest flight at just ten minutes, Blake Shelton, Marky Mark, Travis Scott  and Oprah Winfrey also made the list.

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The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Steve Benson, David Fitzsimmons, Adam Zyglis, Don Landgren, Drew Sheneman, Deb Milbrath, Ed Hall, Mike Luckovich, Kevin Siers, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, RJ Matson, Ann Telnaes, Michael de Adder

I Didn't Say It

Pete Buttigieg, Secretary of Transportation, clapping back at GOP Loon Marjorie Taylor Greene’s bizarre insult where she accused Pete and his husband Chasten Buttigieg of creeping around girls’ bathrooms by saying she’s not even a mediocre Congresswoman:

“The reason you hear somebody like that making nonsensical—literally nonsensical comments like that, I don’t know what you’d do with an electric vehicle in any bathroom—is because they don’t want to talk about what we’re actually working on. So they’re going to keep tripling down on anything that can divide and demonize and demoralize, and through that capture attention. If I were to make a list of the 10… or 20… or 50… or 200 members of Congress whose commentary or thoughts or words it would be the most constructive to be debating or weighing right now, it wouldn’t be the two or three members of Congress who get the most attention on Twitter for whatever outrage they try to outdo each other on.”

In other words, don’t do battle with an idiot, because she’s just out there for attention and has done nothing worthwhile since being elected to office.

Stay strong, Pete.

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Will Smith, apologizing for physically assaulting Chris Rock on the Oscars stage Sunday night:

“Violence in all of its forms is poisonous and destructive. My behavior at last night’s Academy Awards was unacceptable and inexcusable. Jokes at my expense are part of the job, but a joke about Jada’s medical condition was too much for me to bear and I reacted emotionally. I would like to publicly apologize to you, Chris. I was out of line and I was wrong. I am embarrassed and my actions were not indicative of the man I want to be. There is no place for violence in a world of love and kindness. I would also like to apologize to the Academy, the producers of the show, all the attendees and everyone watching around the world. I would like to apologize to the Williams Family and my King Richard Family. I deeply regret that my behavior has stained what has been an otherwise gorgeous journey for all of us. I am a work in progress.”

Nice, but kind of meaningless because he’s still blaming “the joke” for his actions. Clearly, people higher up have questioned whether it’s worth it to hire Smith, and the Academy is said to be considering action, so Will is trying to save his career.

A child knows you don’t hit people for making a joke.

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Ron DeSantis, Flori-duh’s Governor, Walt Disney Company’s plan to repeal the state’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill:

“For Disney to come out and put a statement and say that the bill should have never passed and that they are going to actively work to repeal it, I think one was fundamentally dishonest, but two, I think that crossed the line. This state is governed by the interest of the people of the state of Florida, it is not based on the demands of California corporate executives.”

Except, Ron, you ignorant POS, when exactly did the PEOPLE of you state rise up in overwhelming numbers and demand a ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill, because it looks like the only folks who wanted it are you and your bigoted, homophobic, transphobic, racist fuckmonkeys.

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Jim Carrey, on that slap, and the reaction to Smith’s Oscar win, and what he would have done had been the victim:

“I was sickened. I was sickened by the standing ovation. Hollywood is just spineless en masse and it really felt like this is a really clear indication that we aren’t the cool club anymore. [And] I’d have announced this morning that I was suing Will for $200 million because that video is going to be there forever, it’s going to be ubiquitous. That insult is gonna last a very long time. If you want to yell from the audience and show disapproval or say something on Twitter, [that’s OK, but] you do not have the right to walk up onstage and smack somebody in the face ‘cuz they said words. I wish him the best, I really do … He’s done great things. But that was not a good moment. It cast a pall over everybody’s shining moment.”

Carrey’s right. It was disgusting to see anyone standing for Will Smith after he assaulted Chris Rock. And that video will be around forever, though I think Smith comes off looking like a petulant bully, so maybe it’ll be worse for him … and I’m good with that.

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Madison Cawthorn, alleging that “people” Washington, D.C. have invited him to orgies and done cocaine in front of him:

“I look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics. Then all of the sudden you get invited to, ‘Well hey, we’re going to have kind of a sexual get together at one of our homes, you should come.’ I’m like, ‘What did you just ask me to come to?’ And then you realize they are asking you to come to an orgy.”

Cawthorn also claim he has seen people who advocate for fighting against addiction do cocaine in front of him.

Well, golly Maddie, then speak up. I mean if you’re so sickened by what folks in DC politics are doing call ‘em out by name and get them out of office, unless you’re just a liar an—Oh yeah, never mind.

SIDENOTE: Little Maddie admitted in a tense meeting with House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy that his claims were "exaggerated".

AKA Lies.

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Wanda Sykes, saying after the slap, Chris Rock apologized to her:

“The first thing he said was ‘I am so sorry. It was supposed to be your night. You and Amy and Regina…I’m so sorry, because now this is going to be about this.’ That’s who Chris is.”

That’s a helluva lot better, and more adult that the Smith family.

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Chris Wallace, confirming what most of us already knew:

“I’m fine with opinion: conservative opinion, liberal opinion, but when people start to question the truth—Who won the 2020 election? Was January 6 an insurrection —I found that unsustainable. Some people might have drawn the line earlier, or at a different point. I think Fox has changed over the course of the last year and a half. But I can certainly understand where somebody would say, ‘Gee, you were a slow learner, Chris.’”

But you learned, and left.

Wallace confirmed reports that he was so alarmed by Tucker Carlson’s documentary “Patriot Purge”—which falsely suggested the Capitol riot was a “false flag” operation intended to demonize conservatives—that he complained directly to Fox News management.

Nothing was done, and he packed his bags.

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Chris Rock, in his first standup show since the slap:

“Whoa, OK! Yo, let me do the show! How was your weekend? I don't have a bunch of shit about what happened, so if you came to hear that, I have a whole show I wrote before this weekend. I’m still kind of processing what happened. So, at some point I’ll talk about that shit. And it will be serious and funny.”

An audience member then chanted “Fuck Will Smith!” but Rock ignored the comment and began his hour-long set.

Again, adult in the room.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

So, y’all remember last week when Disney stepped in a pile of Don’t Say Gay doo-doo when the Mouse House did nothing to condemn that hate-filled Florida bill? And then CEO Bob Chapek suggested the company was working behind the scenes to support the LGBTQ+ community, but a great many Pixar and Disney employees put Disney on blast, listing all the ways Disney has profited off the LGBTQ+ community but not really supported us.

Well, in stepped actor Gabrielle Union, who  stars in Disney’s reboot of Cheaper by the Dozen and is trans activist Zaya Wade’s stepmother. Union took no prisoners when she was asked if she was disappointed in Disney’s response to Don’t Say Gay, and said:

“Somebody asked me, ‘Are you disappointed?’ I’m disappointed when my order isn’t right at In-N-Out. I don’t even think that’s a word that you could use for something like this, where children’s lives are literally hanging in the balance. We need to own that if you truly are taking stands against hate and oppression, you should not fund hate and oppression. Period. The damage is done. There are so many states that are following suit [with Florida’s legislation], because there is no pushback, because no one in positions of power [or] corporations are taking a hard stance. Let’s look who’s donating to what and let’s call people out … I think a lot of people like to confuse accountability and consequences for cancel culture. And as long as you have a microphone and a stage that’s not cancel culture, honey… We have to campaign and fund for those people who stand for all of us.”

Suh-nap, as Anne Marie would have said, and I add a double suh-nap to Un ion’s statement because she worked for Disney and still took them on.

Brava, Mama.

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Kim Kardastrophe and Kanye West’s divorce looks like it might get even uglier.

In the new trailer for Hulu’s “The Kardastrophes,” Kim shares a displeasing comment her now-ex-husband made to her:

“He told me my career is over.”

Her ‘career’ as a reality show whore? As a wannabe lawyer? Her career as a former porn star turned underwear mogul?

Gurl bye.

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Wendy Williams has had a bad couple of years, what with her husband fathering a child with his lover and then divorcing Wendy; and that was followed up by health scares, a Graves Disease diagnosis, allegations of substance abuse and mental health issues, which culminated in Wendy leaving her talk show for most of last year and well into 2022.

But in a phone call to GMAS this week, Wendy proclaimed that she has the “mind and body of a 25-year-old”—on a high shelf in a dark closet?—and needs three more months to handle some shiz and then she’ll come back to her show, except …

The producers have cancelled the Wendy Williams Show and replaced it with Sherri! starring Sherri Shepherd, so unless Wendy changes her name, I don’t see her back on TV as the host … of Sherri!

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A few years ago a rumor came out that Jada Pinkett Smith had cheated on her husband Will with a twenty-something friend of their son, Jaden. Both Mr. and Mrs. Smith got on their high horses, panties in a twist and said no affair ever happened and how dare anyone ever say it happened.

Cut to a few years later, and Jada and Will, on her Facebook talk show, Red Table Talk, discussed her affair with the young man, but didn’t address their indignation at the public for discussing Jada’s affair. The couple then suggested that they have an open marriage and yada yada yada publicity.

Now, a couple of years past that, and Will Smith is campaigning for an Oscar for his role in King Richard—not  a Shakespeare play but a film about Venus and Serena Williams’ father Richard—and Will appeared on CBS with Gayle King who asked many questions, including this one:

“You both have talked very candidly—it’s a very famous story–infidelity in the marriage and how you navigated that that time …”

“Yeah, never. There’s never been infidelity in our marriage.”

“Never been infidelity in the marriage?”

“Never. Jada and I talk about everything. And we have never surprised one another with anything, ever.”

Oh. So, if you tell your spouse you’re cheating it isn’t infidelity? Yeah, I don’t think so, I think it’s still infidelity, because I guarantee your wedding vows said nothing about poking your dick in other women, or even men, or allowed Jada to flop on her back with her heels to Jesus.

Just own, it, Will, You and your wife cheat on one another but you both know the other does it and you’re both fine with that, but don’t expect anyone to believe this hogwash.

Infidelity won’t doesn’t bother either one of you unless the day comes when one of you keeps their cheating secret to themselves.

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Now, some of you may know that recovering alcoholic and Real Housewives of New York ‘star,’ Luann de Lesseps was arrested a couple of years ago for drunkenly breaking into someone else’s hotel room and then trying to assault a police officer, has fallen off the wagon … ALLEGEDLY.

Last week former Countess de Lesseps drunkenly took over the mic at a gay piano bar and began singing so badly that patrons began booing, causing de Lesseps to shout ‘Fuck you’ from the stage before she was kicked out of the club.

Apparently the Countess,  who performs her own “Countess Cabaret” show, arrived intoxicated at the Townhouse piano bar and took to the stage as if she were performing her act for the crowd who was not amused; one witness said:

“Luann thought she was doing her act. She tried to sing [her own song] ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class,’ but they didn’t know it, they know standards. The piano player was like, ‘I don’t know the song,’ and she responded, ‘It’s a hit!'”

SIDENTOE: the critically trashed song sold 19,000 digital copies.

And then it got worse. Luann began “belting out jumbled versions of songs,” which were so intolerable that “the crowd began booing her” and so she began yelling back:

“You don’t know me! I’m a cabaret star! Fuck you.”

Then she was thrown out of the club.

Luann told the press the next day that she was “at rehearsals all day … then went to dinner with Broadway producers. We were in a celebratory mood and drinking champagne.”

And making a drunken, belligerent fool of herself. Again.

You can see the video, and hear Luann singing caterwauling here:

The Sun

To cleanse my eyes and mind of things de Lesseps, let’s talk about country singer Jessie James Decker showing off her nekkid football player husband on his 35th birthday,

Decker shared that photo of Eric Decker on Instagram wearing only his "birthday suit" to celebrate his milestone, telling followers that he's "lookin like a statue from Greece" in the poolside picture from Mexico.

Thanks Jessie.

PS There was also the time Eric posed with Jessie’s new cookbook rather provocatively.

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