The Funny Papers

Gary  Huck, Ann Telnaes, Jack Ohman, Christopher Weyant, Dave Whamond, Randy Bish, John Cole, Mike Luckovich, Darrin Bell, Drew Sheneman, Steve Benson, Michael de Adder, Kevin Siers, Lalo Alcaraz

Bobservations

Carlos was having trouble with his iPad last night. With his eyesight, he can still read some things on the screen, but he needs it to be in dark mode, and he had done something to change it back to light and asked me to fix it. And I did because I’m nice like that. Then he said the volume needed to be increased because when he was dictating to the iPad he said, and I’m quoting:

“I like to hear the clink clink clink of the dictation.”

I fixed the volume and said to him:

“You know what  like to hear? The sound of your feet moving you out of the office.”

I swear it’s pure comedy gold around here.

Whobert? Honey? It was thing 45 who closed the schools back in 2020, you dimbulb. But then what do you expect from a “Good” Christian woman who, earlier this week, prayed that that Joe Biden would die. Again.

I caught some of the Grammy’s and here’s what I thought … I loathe Beyoncé. I don’t find her the Second Coming in music and I find her a lying pandering hypocrite. As she won an award she thanked God, her dead Uncle, her parents, her husband, her three kids and, wait for it, the hypocrisy stings, the “queer” community. This after doing a concert in Dubai and being paid tens of millions of dollars to perform in a country that outlaws homosexuality. Fuck off, Bey.

Cheers to Kim Petras for being the first out--Thanks Jon--transgender person to win a Grammy in the best pop duo/group performance category, and for Sam Smith to win as the first non-binary artist; they won for their song ‘Unholy.’

Lastly, Madge’s face. Now people are playing off the outrage over Madonna’s appearance as ageism, but it’s not; it’s WhatTheFuckism. I missed the intro so I saw this person walk onstage, speak in a strange voice, not Madge’s usual British accent, and look just odd. As I began to realize it was Madge, my thoughts went from ‘Egads, her face’ to ‘Is this why her Madonna film was shelved? So she could star in the reboot of 'Hellraiser’?

With people calling it ageist to comment on Madge’s new face, I thought, let’s contrast and compare, using Cher, Madonna’s BFF as an example. This year Madonna is celebrating 40 years in music, and has a tour planned to commemorate that feat, so up top is a picture of 24-year-old Madonna from the early days alongside 64-year-old Madonna from last weekend.

Below that is Cher, also from 1983 when she was 36-years-old and contrasted with Cher, who’s been in show business for sixty-plus years,  from 2023 at age seventy-six.

Both women have had work done, but only one has crossed a line, and, again, that’s not ageism, but WhatTheFuckism.

PS And don't give me the line that Madonna looks like that because she shaved her eyebrows; t's the lips and eyes and cheeks and chin, too.

As Tyre Nichols sat propped against a police car, bloodied, dazed and handcuffed after being beaten by a group of Memphis police officers, Officer Demetrius Haley sent a photograph of Nichols to at least five people, including two fellow officers, a civilian employee of the department and a female acquaintance.

Demand police reforms.

Pete Santilli, conservative rightwingnut,  has blamed the earthquake in Turkey and Syria on Sam Smith’s demonic Grammy performance.

Yes, he says that God was so incensed at an Englishman wearing a horned hat and singing a song on TV in California that She sent an earthquake to the other side of the world and murdered over 10,000 people.

Let that sink in.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and you know what that means: revenge gifts … like having your ex’s name engraved on a cat litter box.

The Animal Friends Humane Society , an Ohio animal shelter, offers this service to fundraise and, more importantly, help the heartbroken by letting them be petty! So, if you’ve been dumped or scorned, cheated on or mistreated, dedicate a litter box to the one you used to love. The gesture will cost $5 per box; the promotion will run until February 12, and the shelter will then reveal all the sponsored litter boxes, names included, in a Facebook post on Valentine’s Day.

Ain’t Revenge Grand?

I really need a pair of socks like this, just to see the looks on people faces as I cross and uncross my legs.

Y’all know what a fan I am of the professional sportsball stuff, right? And I especially like that this year the Quarterbacks for each team are both Black men for the first time in history with Kansas City Chiefs Patrick Mahomes, top left, going up against Eagles QB Jalen Hurts, top right. And then there are two brothers playing on opposite teams in the big game. Bottom right is younger brother from the Chiefs, Travis Kelce, while bottom left is the older brother from the Eagles Jason Kelce. All that means nothing when the real question is: Which One Would You Hit?

I hate to boast, but I really think my response to Large Marge was sheer perfection and, dare I say it, even more comedy gold?

The Funny Papers

Nick Anderson, Mike Luckovich, Drew Sheneman, JD Crowe, Ted Littleford, Jack Ohman, Clay Bennett, Michael de Adder, David Horsey, Deb Milbrath, Darrin Bell, Dave Whamond, Ed Wexler, Guy Parsons, Ann Telnaes,

Tuesday Thought #4

 

Even AFTER George Floyd, This Is STILL Happening In America

On December 5,2020, U.S. Army Lt. Caron Nazario, who is Black and Latino, was driving his brand-new Chevy Tahoe when he got the police lights in the rearview mirror. He was in uniform at the time of the stop.

Knowing what could happen to People of Color during even routine police stops, Nazario did not immediately pull over. But he did put on his emergency lights, and continued on driving, under the speed limit, for about a minute-and-a-half, until he could  safely park in a well-lit gas station parking lot.

At the gas station, Windsor Police Officers Joe Gutierrez and Daniel Crocker pulled their guns on Nazario for the crime of driving without license plates even though a new vehicle tag was clearly visible in Lt. Nazario's rear window.

Lt. Nazario says he followed police commands to keep his hands outside the vehicle, but says officers became agitated when he asked why he was being stopped, as is his right. That’s when Gutierrez says—and he is heard on police body cams:

"What's going on? You're fixin' to ride the lightning, son?"

Nazario's attorney Jonathan Arthur says, in Nazario’s lawsuit, that ‘ride the lightning’ is a colloquial expression for an execution, originating from glib reference to execution by the electric chair”. And while Virginia recently outlawed capital punishment, the state has executed prisoners via the electric chair for more than a century.

Nazario is heard telling the officers that he was “honestly afraid to get out” of his SUV, and Officer Gutierrez replies:

“Yeah, you should be!”

The officers then pepper sprayed Nazario multiple times, "causing him substantial and immediate pain," damaged Nazario’s new car, and choked his dog, who was crated in the rear of the vehicle.

Gutierrez responded with knee-strikes to Lt. Nazario's legs to force an already compliant and blinded Lt. Nazario down on his face ostensibly to handcuff him. And while he was on the ground, and in tears, Gutierrez and Crocker continued to strike him. They also warned him not to complain about their treatment of him, and threatened to criminally charge him; if, however, Nazario, according to , the lawsuit, would "chill and let this go," then no charges would be filed.

Lt. Caron Nazario was not criminally charged or cited for any traffic violation.

Huh. I guess there is no law on the books about Black Men Driving New Cars in Windsor, Virginia.

A town manager says Officers Joe Gutierrez and Daniel Crocker still work for the police department.

See the video at NBC News and ask yourselves, if you are a white person, if you would have been treated the same; if you would have felt safe getting out of the car; if police officers would have pulled guns on you; if you’d have heard the officer joke about the electric chair; if you’d have been told you have good reason to be afraid; if you’d have been pepper sprayed, grabbed and thrown to the ground because there were no license plates on your car.

If you were white …

UPDATE: Officer Joe Gutierrez has been fired from the Windsor Police Department. Daniel Crocker, however, still has his job.

Tuesday Thought #4

 

The Funny Papers

JD Crowe, Chris Britt, Darrin Bell, Mike Thompson, Nate Beeler, Jack Ohman, Rick McKee, Deb Milbrath, Mike Luckovich, Kevin Siers, Nick Anderson, Ed Hall, Michael de Adder