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My friend Laura posted this picture to Facebook and tagged me in the post because she knows two things I loathe most in the world are Dancing with the [Not] Stars and Tyra 'That ain't a forehead, it's a fivehead' Banks.

I Ain't One To Gossip ...

Again …I don’t watch Dancing with the Used-To-Be-Stars-or-Second-Bananas-Or-Retired-Athletes-Or Actors-Looking-For-A-Comeback and never have, but I do read about it, especially now that Tyra Trainwreck Banks is the new host.

That bitch just can’t get through a show without a hideous dress or a huge on-air mix-up, like this week when they were whittling down the dancers to the bottom two.

And yet, she left three couples on the dance floor—Anne Heche and partner [who knows their names]; Vernon Davis and partner; Chrishell Stause [who?]and her partner—and called them the bottom two.

Bitch can’t count; and apparently can’t read either because she’d just finished telling Monica Aldama [another who?] and her partner that they were safe, and yet they weren’t. Trainwreck said:

“There’s actually been an error. I’m looking right now and we have three couples, so we need to clarify this for one second. The bottom two couples are Anne and Keo and Monica and Val.”

So, she has Monica come back out, while the judges tried to shoo Vernon and partner, and Chrishell Stause [who?]and partner offstage lest Trainwreck screw things up again.

And like she did the last time she screwed up she released the same crap from her mouth:

“This is live TV, right? This is the craziness of live TV… This is live TV. I was reading my cards, but my cards were wrong. So here we go. …  This is live TV, and we’re all human.”

Yeah, except the last host they had never did that in the 48 years this show has been on TV, Tyra. Perhaps a little less time win the makeup chair with the spatula, and a little less time picking a dressing from the ugly, pile, and little more time paying attention.

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Mariah’s back with more snippets from the book she “wrote” The Importance of Being Mimi or whatever. And this time she’s dogging her ex-fiancé, who had to sue to get the ring back, by the way, James Packer.

Mariah dated and was engaged to the Australian billionaire for 8 months until he finally, truthfully, literally, paid her off to go away—and here I thought Lindsay Lohan was a hooker—and she tells the world that the two never had sex in their entire relationship.

That must have been the world’s longest, and least fulfilling, dry hump … until James’ wallet shot the wad of bills at Mariah and she went home.

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Speaking of people who “write” books about their lives, we now have gossip-monger Perez Hilton who has written about the time he made out with John Mayer in his book, TMI: My Life in Scandal.

It seems that in 2007, Hilton had finished co-hosting MTV’s New Year’s Eve celebrations with Christina Aguilera and the two of them decided to hit a club in Chelsea where they met up with Jessica Simpson and her then-boyfriend John Mayer.

Perez ALLEGES that as they all sat down, Mayer leaned into him and said:

“I like to watch gay porn, you know. My favorite porn star is Brent Corrigan. He really turns me on.”

Hilton then ALLEGES that Mayer leaned in and shoved his tongue into Hilton’ mouth, and Hilton, despite being momentarily paralyzed, began making out with Mayer.

Hilton ALLEGES that Simpson watched her boyfriend and Hilton make-out but covered her face with her hair. I’d have gone to the kitchen for bleach and a Brillo Pad™ to scrub my eyes clean. I mean, look at the pair of ‘em up there… creepy and creepier.

Mayer and Simpson’s reps are not responding because, again, ick, but Mayer has spoken of it:

"The only man I kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can out gay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”

Again, ick.

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Former Beverly Hills, 90210 has-beens Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling are addressing Jessica Alba’s ALLEGATIONS that she wasn’t allowed to make eye contact with the cast when she filmed an episode of the show fifty-six years ago. In a teaser for their new podcast, 9021OMG, both Garth and Spelling said they didn’t recall such a rule:

“Tori, did you — I just need to know, did you tell her not to look me in the eye?” “Why’s it all about you?” “Well, because I had all the scenes with her, like, if anybody was, you know, didn’t want to have their eyes looked into, it would’ve been me. But I don’t remember because I have the world’s worst memory.” Spelling then speculated that maybe the producers sent around a “cool memo” that mandated the odd request. This bit of fluff began last week when Alba appeared on Hot Ones and spoke of ‘The Rule’: “I couldn’t even make eye contact with any of the cast members, which was really strange when you’re like trying to do a scene with them. It was like, ‘You’re not allowed to make eye contact with any one of the cast members or you’ll be thrown off the set.’” Garth, who was the one not being looked at, will only say that she  remembers Alba as being “super talented”: “She was very young, and she was really sweet. It does not surprise me that she’s gone on to be so successful.” Perhaps because she didn’t look at the cast, Alba didn’t have whatever talent she has, or had, sucked out of her body by a cast of talentless acting vampires. photo

“Tori, did you — I just need to know, did you tell her not to look me in the eye?”

“Why’s it all about you?”

“Well, because I had all the scenes with her, like, if anybody was, you know, didn’t want to have their eyes looked into, it would’ve been me. But I don’t remember because I have the world’s worst memory.”

Spelling then speculated that maybe the producers sent around a “cool memo” that mandated the odd request.

This bit of fluff began last week when Alba appeared on Hot Ones and spoke of ‘The Rule’:

“I couldn’t even make eye contact with any of the cast members, which was really strange when you’re like trying to do a scene with them. It was like, ‘You’re not allowed to make eye contact with any one of the cast members or you’ll be thrown off the set.’”

Garth, who was the one not being looked at, will only say that she  remembers Alba as being “super talented”:

“She was very young, and she was really sweet. It does not surprise me that she’s gone on to be so successful.”

Perhaps because she didn’t look at the cast, Alba didn’t have whatever talent she has, or had, sucked out of her body by a cast of talentless acting vampires.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh, Tyra Banks, where have you been. A few years back you said you were creating your own Disneyland, called, Modelland, and then you vanished? Wha’happen?

Well, Tyra is back y’all, and she’s got the deets on her, ahem, attraction, Modelland. Appearing on The Talk, Tyra said that Modelland is “Harry Potter meets the modeling industry” with a little Wakanda thrown in there and is based on her self-published YA novel of the same name.

Modelland! The book and the experience! It’s set in an “alternate universe” and visitors are encouraged to join the #TheUpRiXing led by “Tookie De La Crème, and her squad of atypical beauty rebels.” At Modelland, one can rail against rigid beauty standards while taking selfies and enjoying some Smize Cream.

Seriously. And then Tyra scurried over to The View and told those ladies that her goal is to “bring modeling to the masses” where everybody can “come to Los Angeles, California”—well, to be fair, Santa Monica—where the #TheUpRiXing has opened up a portal “for everybody to come and show their beauty and their booty matters.”

Sounds like a crash and burn if you ask me, and it sounds like Tyra BanX will have no mo money in the bank when this hot mess of a bad idea slinks into the ocean off the Santa Monica Pier.

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Last weekend, Amie Harwick, a 38-year-old sex therapist who was engaged to Drew Carey in 2018 before they broke up,was apparently murdered when she fell from a third-story balcony at her home in the Hollywood Hills; police are investigating and have arrested her ex-boyfriend Gareth Pursehouse who has been described as a stalker and who Amie had a restraining order out against until it expired two weeks ago. Now, this isn’t gossip; it’s sad. But it leads us to the gossip, which concerns one flapping-lipped-ignorant-loudmouth who goes by the name of Wendy Williams.

Yes, Wendy Williams shoved her big old foot in her yap …again. The murder of this woman is clearly not a laughing matter, but that didn’t stop Williams from going into a deeply bad taste when she told the audience that Amie fell to her death:

“She was killed not by Drew–but by the ex, um…’Come on down!’…”

Yes. Come on down, about a woman who may have been pushed to her death.

That’s the vile Wendy Williams, who actually appeared stunned when her audience groaned at her attempt at death humor.

Pig. I wonder how far down Williams will go next week…

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It looks like maybe Al Pacino should have his girlfriend’s sign an NDA because his current ex, Israeli actress, Meital Dohan has confirmed that she and Al are over because … wait for it … he’s old and he’s cheap.

Meital, 43, and Al, 36 … years older than that, dated for about two years after meeting at a Hollywood party. Now, what gets me is that Meital had to know Al was old because the man made The Godfather nearly fifty years ago; do the math! But it was just Old Man Al, it was Cheap Old Man Al; or, as Meital says:

“It’s hard to be with a man so old, even Al Pacino. The age gap is difficult, yes. I tried to deny it, but now he is already an elderly man, to be honest. So even with all my love, it didn’t last.”

Meital was asked about Al’s gifts and said:

“He only bought me flowers… How can I say politely that he didn’t like to spend money?”

And yet she still wants to be friends with that cheap old dude:

“I had a fight with him and left him recently, but of course I really love and appreciate him, and I was glad to be there for him when he needed me, and to be a part of his legacy. It’s an honor for me. I’m glad this relationship happened between us, and hope we remain good friends.”

Perhaps she hopes to land a spot in the will where Al will leave her zippety-do-dah-day nada.

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Celebrities sometimes think they are just so fabulous, and then they go and do something so moronic.

Yes, Orlando Bloom, I’m talking to you. I will thank you for those nude paddle-boarding photos from a couple of summers ago; you have a delightful looking “second” paddle. But this is about tattoos and perhaps not thinking them through all the way.

Orlando Bloom decided to get a tattoo of his son Flynn’s name rendered in Morse code on his arm. Well. He tried to do it. The finished tattoo read “Frynn,” rather than “Flynn” and sharp-eyed trolls noticed it straight away.

Luckily the permanent faux pas was fixed rather easily with the addition of a dot …or was is a dash.

But, let this be a lesson to you out there in blogland who want to get a tattoo: Double-triple-quadruple-check the spelling!

I have some Chinese symbols tattooed on my ankle and I thought they read: Compassion, Friendship, Peace and Truth, but I recently found out it means: Bring me another margarita.

Luckily, either way works for me.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

I generally like my gossip fresh, but the only fresh gossip Richard Dreyfuss can hock up is about how … nearly twenty years ago … Bill Murray was a drunken, belligerent bully who once threw an ashtray at his face on the set of What About Bob?

Dreyfuss says:

“I didn’t talk about it for years. … Bill just got drunk at dinner. He was an Irish drunken bully, is what he was. … He came back from dinner [one night] and I said, ‘Read this [script tweak], I think it’s really funny.’ And he put his face next to me, nose-to-nose. And he screamed at the top of his lungs, ‘Everyone hates you! You are tolerated!’ There was no time to react, because he leaned back and he took a modern glass-blown ashtray. He threw it at my face from [only a couple feet away]. And it weighed about three quarters of a pound. And he missed me. He tried to hit me. I got up and left.”

Murray must also be a terrible shot if he was a couple of feet away and missed Dreyfuss’s melon completely with a large glass object. But still, it must be true, because one of Dreyfuss’s children, Ben, took to Twitter to confirm the story, claiming himself, his sister and his mom were all there:

“This story about Bill Murray is 100% true and I was on that set and so was [my mom and my sister]. And there’s actually worse shit that Bill Murray did during that movie to other people that my dad didn’t even mention because he probably felt it wasn’t his place.”

Until twenty years later.

Take a seat Dreyfuss family, this won’t make any of you relevant.

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Wendy Williams has had a hot mess of a life lately, between rumors of a husband cheating, only to be confirmed as fact when the husband’s sidepiece delivered his baby; and then there was Wendy falling off the wagon into some kind of substance abuse issue; and then there was the ex-con younger sidepiece Wendy picked up; and now this …

Wendy’s son, Kevin Hunter Jr., has just pleaded not guilty to assaulting his father, Kevin Hunter.

Kevin Jr. appeared in a New Jersey court for an arraignment stemming from his May 21 arrest for ALLEGEDLY fighting with his father outside of a Krauszer’s Food Store in West Orange; apparently the first flew after Junior called his Daddy a “bitch.”

Lovely family, no?

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Kim Kardastrophe has done it again. Something stupid, ignorant, self-serving and egotistical, I mean.

It seems Mrs. Yeezy created—well, she had someone create it for her and then she took the credit—a  new “solutionware” line of undergarments. Not so bad, but then ...she named the line Kimono.

Yes. She did. And now she’s trying to defend herself against accusations of cultural appropriation and outright disrespect by claiming she did it for the Kulture.

Yes. She did. And in a statement—written by someone else no doubt, because she’s a Kardastrophe—Mrs. Yeezy said:

“I made the decision to name my company Kimono, not to disassociate the word from its Japanese roots but as a nod to the beauty and detail that goes into a garment.”

Right. Then she added:

“My solutionwear brand is built with inclusivity and diversity at its core and I’m incredibly proud of what’s to come … which is why I can appropriate the word.”

Okay, that last line was me. And to be fair, Mrs. Yeezy isn’t trying to stop people from calling kimonos ‘kimonos,’ and she’s not going to send a cease and desist letters to Japan. She just wants to make her followers who have a collective IQ of 4, think Kimono is a play on Kim and that she’s so savvy and smart.

Yes. She did. But then a group called Tokyo Fashion got involved and said:

“Kim [Kardastrophe] filed for a bunch of trademarks on the word "kimono" (even for actual kimono), which, if granted, would allow her to ban Japanese companies from using the word "kimono" in America.”

Yes. She did. And then the Mayor of Kyoto, Daisaku Kadokawa, told Mrs. Yeezy to, well, eff off, in the kindest way:

“I am writing this letter to convey our thoughts on Kimono and ask you to re-consider your decision of using the name Kimono in your trademark. Kimono is a traditional ethnic dress fostered in our rich nature and history with our predecessors’ tireless endeavours and studies, and it is a culture that has been cherished and passed down with care in our living. Also, it is a fruit of craftsmanship and truly symbolizes sense of beauty, spirits and values of Japanese.”

He goes on, but apparently it was enough to send Mrs. Yeezy back to the branding board because she’s changing the name.

I might suggest … ‘Kim? Oh. No.’ Might I suggest that the “solution” is for you to go away?

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And now, in crazy … Rihanna posted a photo of herself on Instagram wearing H2T [that’s Tyra Banks speak—hence the crazy—for ‘head-to-toe’] Fenty schmata—which is Rihanna’s clothing line.

Now, Tyra didn’t comment on the clothes, or RiRi’s style or fashion sense or business acumen. Nope, Tyra commented that she thought it was a picture of her because she thinks she and RiRi could be twins.

Crazy. On her best day … never.

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More crazy? Okurrrrrrrrrrr.

And I can say that now, out loud and proud because Cardi B had filed for a trademark on ‘Okurrrrr’—she says it’s her catchphrase—and her application was dee-nied by U.S. Patent and Trademark officials who explained that Cardi’s ALLEGED slogan falls under the category of “widely-used commonplace expressions,” and did not fit the bill to deserve a trademark.

Who knew Nicki Minaj worked for the Patent office?

Okurrrrrrrr?

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Years ago Grace Jones played May Day in A View To A Kill and so executives on the newest Bond film, AKA Bond 25, thought it’s be cool to have her back again.

But, sadly, or not, the only was you’re gonna see Jones in Bond again is to watch A View To A Kill again, because she is not coming back after all. Well, she was back, and filming, but then she allegedly walked off set because she thought her role was too small.

Um, honey? Love you. Love everything about you. Thinking of being you for Halloween, but … Bond films are about Bond. It’s not called Grace Jones.

Okurrrrrrrrr?

Thanks to the Patent office for letting me say that without having to slip any coins to Cardi B.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’ve always liked actor Liam Neeson after seeing him as the deaf, mute war veteran in Suspect. But who knew that it might have been best for Neeson to be, well, mute in real life?

Neeson is promoting Cold Pursuit in which he plays a man who goes on a killing spree after someone close to him is killed or hurt or kidnapped; in other words, it’s like another Taken movie. But while talking with The Independent about the film Neeson shared a terrible story about how, when he was much younger, he spent days hunting for any black man to hurt or maim or kill … seriously. It began when a close friend told him that she’d been raped by a black man and that sent Neeson off:

“I asked, did she know who it was? No. What color were they? She said it was a black person. I went up and down areas with a cosh [a heavy metal bar], hoping I’d be approached by somebody – I’m ashamed to say that – and I did it for maybe a week, hoping some  ‘black bastard’ would come out of a pub and have a go at me about something, you know? So that I could kill him.”

Yes. He did say that because a friend of his was raped by a black man that he wanted to kill any black man that crossed his path. Seriously … mute would have been better than admitting you were on same racist hunt for any black man to kill.

Someone should tell Neeson when it’s best to stop talking because his promotional tour has become less about the film and more about his admission of racism.

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I’m’a just say it … Mo’Nique is a hot mess. She’s raised the roof over the way she thinks she was badly treated by everyone from Oprah to Tyler Perry to Lee Daniels; she thinks Netflix should be boycotted because they didn’t pay her as much as they paid Amy Schumer for a comedy special; while on The View she tussled with Whoopi Goldberg and then began calling Goldberg “the help” in a subsequent interviews; and now even Steve Harvey isn’t safe.

While appearing on Harvey’s chat show, Mo’Nique ALLEGEDLY got so irritated by Harvey that she threatened to hit him when he told her that she needed to publicly apologize to Whoopi and that’s when she threatened to hit him, and Steve said if she did that, her husband better come out onstage so they could square off.

Mo’Nique? You’re funny and talented, but you’re really angry. Switch to decaf, girl, because one day the punches will be coming at you.

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NeNe Leakes of Real Housewives of Atlanta has an ego as big as her veneers because she’s now saying that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Vanderpump stole PUMP restaurant from her.

Seriously. NeNe went on Jenny McCarthy’s SiriusXM show to accuse Vanderpump of theft though she couldn’t remember her name and started off calling her Lisa Rinna:

“You know I actually said the wrong name. … I meant Lisa Vanderpump. I did not mean to say Lisa Rinna. She knows that we have a little something, something she did to me. I’ve never really addressed it. … She did some real foul shit to me.”

NeNe says she was debating buying the space in West Hollywood that is now PUMP and opening a bar and even consulted restauranteur Vanderpump about it:

“At the time, Greg [Leakes] and I were living in [LA] and I was working on Glee and New Normal. We ride down that West Hollywood area where all the gay bars are—and I have a large gay fanbase—and I kept thinking, ‘It would be so cool if I had a bar right in here somewhere.’ And that space was empty and kind of raggedy-looking and torn down.”

Nene then spoke to Vanderpump about the idea of a bar and says Lisa convinced her not to do it, and then swooped in and bought the place herself.

Right, NeNe, I believe you …especially since PUMP opened almost five years ago and you’re only yapping now. And what might you have called it?  Because I’d rather hang at a gay bar called PUMP than one called LEAKES.

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In what I first thought was an epic joke, I’ve now learned that Tyra “Fivehead” Banks wants to open a theme park called … wait for it … Modelland in the Santa Monica Place shopping mall. Opening this year, the 21,000-square-foot space will be a “fantasy version of the modelling world” and will let visitors “be the dream version of themselves.”

For the love of Balenciaga, it isn’t a joke. And it will crash and burn faster than a Kanye West fashion show.

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Cindy McCain, the widow John McCain, has been a wealthy entitled heiress all her life. The bulk of the McCains’ wealth was always from Cindy’s family. Cindy has a daughter, Bridget, whom she adopted from Bangladesh.

Keep that in mind … in a radio interview on KTAR Cindy claimed she singlehandedly stopped a human trafficking incident at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport:

“I came in from a trip I’d been on and I spotted—it looked odd—it was a woman of a different ethnicity than the child, this little toddler she had, and something didn’t click with me. I went over to the police and told them what I saw, and they went over and questioned her, and, by God, she was trafficking that kid.”

McCain also said the woman was waiting for the man who bought the child to arrive from his flight, but Phoenix police say that, while officers did respond to Cindy’s call, there was no evidence of criminal conduct or child endangerment.

So, Cindy McCain sees a … and I’m guessing here … a brown woman with a white child … or even vice versa … and instantly calls the police? Cindy McCain, a white woman with a Bangladeshi daughter, called the police on a mother and child for merely existing.

Perhaps she and Liam Neeson should hook up and make the world safe from brown people.

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I thought NeNe’s story was the height of incredulity and then Tyra swooped in with Modelland. But neither one compares to this story …at the Grammys this Sunday Jennifer Lopez will be performing a tribute to … wait for it … it’s epic … Motown, the legendary record label celebrating its 60th anniversary this year.

I guess all those artists who were, or are, part of the Motown family, were unable to attend? Or maybe JLo wriggled her fat ass in the front of the line. More ironic is that Diana Ross will be performing at the Grammys as well, but not as part of the Motown tribute.

Seriously.

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Last week Michael Bolton was doing a live TV interview with Australia’s The Morning Show to talk about the release of a new album of hits which have been rearranged with an orchestra and it appeared to the viewers and to hosts Kylie Gillies and Larry Emdur that he had fallen asleep.

No surprise there, his music has also made me slip into a coma.

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It's Snarkurday!

For months, former Sex and the City frenemies Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker were engaged in battle after Cattrall refused to come back for a third SATC—which no one outside of SJP and Kristin Davis wanted—and when Kim balked, SJP tried to publicly shame Kim into making the film; sure, it was a battle fought on magazine covers and Twitter and Andy Cohen, but the battle raged.

I was, and am, #TeamKim—I think SJP is an act, onscreen and off—because Kim was done with the whole charade; I mean, years of the series, one good film sequel and one god awful film sequel and who can blame Kim for screaming, “Enough!”.

SJP tried to publicly shame Kim into making the film but Cattrall dug in her stilettos and basically outed SJP for what we already knew: that she makes major coins off those films and she wanted the money and Kim wasn’t playing.

Also not playing was Cynthia Nixon, who we now know is running for governor of New York and an SATC film is not a campaign video; so, how are the girls reacting to Nixon’s political ambitions? SJP is mum, until someone gives her a check top voice her opinion, and Davis is quiet because her opinion isn’t a job, but Kim is talking, and throwing subtle shade.

Someone tweeted at Kim:

“Kim, what do you think of Cynthia running?!”

And Kim replied:

“I support & respect any former colleague’s right to make their own career choices.”

Snap; whether it’s a career choice to run for office or a career choice to saying ‘No’ to a dead franchise.

Go Kim!

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A few weeks back Burt Reynolds—yes, still alive and plugging a new film The Last Movie Star—appeared on The Today Show with Hoda Kotb and said some weird shiz like ….

Hoda: Who would you consider the love of your life?

Burt: You’re naughty. You really are. I am dead in the water no matter what I say. Well, she was 7 when I fell in love with her. She stayed 7 for about 11 years. I would say Sally.

Hoda: Sally Field?

Burt: No, Sally Woofergosh. Yes, Sally Field

Sadly, making himself look a little like a pedophile, because he actually met Sally when she was 31., but then he also muttered something about Hoda’s “purty mouth.”

And so now, the doddering Reynolds is trying to explain what he didn’t know or doesn’t remember he said. Still pushing the movie, he’s also being asked to explain what he said, and is playing the I-Have-No-Idea card; of LipGate he said:

“It didn’t come out like that. I don’t know what the hell I said, but I got so (hacked) off at people being (hacked) off at me for hurting Kotb.”

As for Sally, he tried to change the quote entirely:

 “I didn’t say 7. I said 37, I think.”

Except even thirty-even is wrong. Look, he’s an old man, and I think he was trying to be smug and smarmy and funny, but once you hit the Eighty-Year-Mark leave smug and funny for men half your age.

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Earlier this month, it was reported that two actor-doctors from Grey’s Anatomy—Jessica Capshaw, Dr. Arizona Robbins, and Sarah Drew, Dr. April Kepner—would not have their contracts renewed.

This happens all the time on shows that have been on the air for over thirty years—or at least feel like it—but …were the dismissals of these two actors because Grey’s “star” Ellen Pompeo negotiated a new contract to stay with the show for $20 million?

Just saying; as soon as the ink dried on Pompeo’s contract, actors on the show have been let go; the coins have to come from somewhere.

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Sean Penn is currently promoting a book he “wrote,” Bob Honey Just Do Stuff, and recently appeared on Marc Maron’s WTF Podcast; when Maron asked him about co-parenting with his ex-wife, House of Cards Robin Wright, Penn got a little nasty. Penn, whom Wright divorced in 2010, are parents of two now grown children, Dylan and Hopper, and Penn says the two “don’t have a lot of conversation[s].”

Um, your kids are in their mid-20s … what’s to discuss? Penn says:

“We don’t not get along. We have very separate relationships with our kids at this point and it seems to work better that way because they are making their own decisions. As it turned out she and I did not share the same ethical views on parenting, including the continuing parenting of adult children.”

Parenting adult children? Sounds like Penn’s a bit of a tyrant who wants to control his children long into adulthood. He also added that the Wright-Penn offspring are “both acting and modeling, an industry that I’m not very interested in.”

What’s this? It’s the best part of the interview … Sean Penn is done with acting.

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We recently talked about all the rape allegations against actor Ed Westwick—accused by at least three women of drugging and raping them—and it’s getting more interesting.

A few of the women made statements to the police and last week the LAPD confirmed that it had an open investigation into Westwick and that was when Westwick ALLEGEDLY did this … he went on social media and deleted statements he posted denying those sexual assault allegations made against him.

An LAPD source—is it Lohan working with Lawyer.com?—says:

“It has come to the attention of investigators that Mr. Westwick has removed denials about alleged rapes of the victims in this investigation from his social media accounts that he had posted last November.”

That begs the question, Why? It’s not clear when Westwick erased the messages, but it came to light that he had done so four days after the LA District Attorney confirmed that his case was under review.

It might be that Westwick has hired a high-profile L.A.-based female criminal defense lawyer to represent him and she apparently has a policy for her clients to stay off social media.

I get that his lawyer probably told him to delete the posts because, really, it’s best to say nothing, and I get that the deletions are not an admission of guilt, but I also get that his posts aren’t really gone. The denials were copied and posted and posted and reposted and are still out there … and can come up in a trial if there ever is a trial.

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In Frightening News …moments after his wife Vanessa served the divorce papers on a platter to Donald Junior., he went out and got himself a license to carry a concealed weapon in Pennsylvania.

Now, we all know Junior has a yuge ego and tiny dick … like Daddy …and loves to hunt and kill animals because it gives him a sense of power killing a defenseless animal, then posing for a picture over the carcass and splattering it all over social media.

But now he’s packing heat in America?

It is not clear why he applied in Pennsylvania, but … there is speculation that he didn’t do it in New York because you have to supply financials and, also like Daddy Little Dick, Junior doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s not nearly as rich as he pretends … or doesn’t want people to know how much of him is owned by Russia.

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One of the big stories of the week—and by ‘big’ I mean ‘stupid—was the Who bit Beyoncé in the face?

Seriously. It all began when publicity thirsty Tiffany Haddish took to social media to say:

“You wanna know who bit Beyoncé? I’m gonna just tell you all. And it’s the last time I’m talking about it. I ain’t going to say nothing else about it. People should be focusing on the real issues at hand, like did you do your taxes? Because taxes is due real soon. Can your children read and write? Have you been working with them on their reading and their writing? Is your house clean? That’s what we need to be focusing on. But y’all wanna know … everybody’s going crazy about who bit Beyoncé.”

She initially tried to joke and say it was Stormy Daniels, and then Lena Dunham’s name was bandied about and finally Sanaa Lathan became the biter. And then Haddish said she’d never tell because:

“NDAs [Non-disclosure agreements] are real, so I’m not saying shit about nothing.”

And even Beyoncé isn’t saying anything, or turning it into a song or some concept album or long-form video or some other way to turn it all into coins, but a source—clearly, it’s Beyoncé—said:

“She thinks it’s sweet people are so concerned, but also doesn’t want to make life hard for the person that did it.” 

Meaning she’ll drag this out for a few months and then turn it into a song or some concept album or long-form video or some other way to turn it all into coins.

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We have an update in the SJP Silence over Cynthia Nixon’s political aspirations.

SJP said, through a spokesperson because if she’s not getting paid, she won’t do the talking:

“Cynthia has been my friend and colleague since we were little girls. I look forward to talking to her about her New York state gubernatorial bid.”

Sorry, SJP, that was far from a ringing endorsement. I mean, it sounds like you’re a bit miffed she doesn’t want you on the ticket.

Or maybe it was a lukewarm statement because if Nixon wins, then SJP knows that she’ll not be available for SATC 4 or 5 or 6, and with only SJP and Kristen Davis on-board, who’d pay to sit through that?

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Lastly, Tyra Banks, who annoys me more than Beyoncé, if possible.

Banks has finally admitted what everyone already knows: she had a nose job. But the best part of learning this truth is the reason she gives for going under the knife.

Banks recently wrote a memoir with her mom called Perfect Is Boring and explained the rhinoplasty:

“I had bones in my nose that were growing and itching. I could breathe fine, but I added cosmetic surgery.”

Itchy bones that grow in her nose.

Yes, she clearly annoys me more than Beyoncé.

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