I Didn't Say It ...

Jesse Watters, Fox moron, who never met an issue he could turn into an illiterate word salad:

“Call me ‘white dude,’ call me ‘weird,; but I’m into this. So, I signed up for the Zoom and I thought it was going to be great because they’ve been calling me toxic for quite some time and I thought maybe we were going to get over that and they were going to talk about wages and security. But no, this was a struggle session for pale, hairy, flabby California artists, and it was basically saying, if you want to be accepted by women, you should vote for a woman. Now, I don’t see why any man would vote Democrat. It’s not the party of virtue, security, it’s not the party of strength. It’s definitely not the party of family. And to be a man and then vote for a woman just because she’s a woman is either childish, that person has mommy issues, or they’re just trying to be accepted by other women. And I heard the scientists say the other day that when a man votes for a woman, he actually transitions into a woman.”

'I heard the scientists say the other day;' The Scientists?

Seriously, this idiocy passes for intelligence on Fox. Intelligence on Fox? I kid.

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Jake Tapper, CNN anchor, facing new blowback for not calling out The Felon’s lies during the debate, trying to recover:

“[January 6th was] one of the most shameful days in this nation’s history. They were attempting to stop the certification of an election that President Joe Biden won fairly. Three of [The Felon]’s supporters died that day of apparent medical emergencies. One ... was fatally shot by police as she approached the floor of the House of Representatives along with a violent mob. A US Capitol police officer, Brian Sicknick, later died of his injuries withstood on that day and then four other officers who defended the Capitol that day ... took their own lives. And it all began with this lie that the election was stolen. And here we are again in 2024 with just 99 days to go until the election, listening to [The Felon] stick with these same fabricated claims that he can only lose Minnesota if Democrats cheat. No. Now look, [he] may very well win the election. He may well lose the election, but these lies, they literally have a body count.”

Maybe then, Jake, you shouldn’t have let him get away with lying during the debate.

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Tim McGraw, on women’s rights:

“I want to see a world where my daughters have control of every decision. Whether it be medically, personally, or the way they want to live their lives. I support a woman’s right to choose. That’s between a family, their doctor, their God, and I don’t think anybody else has any business in being a part of that.”

This is what we need; more men speaking up for women’s rights, for everyone’s rights. If you don’t stand for the rights of one of us, you don’t stand for the rights of us all.

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Nicky Doll, drag queen, loving the faux Christians faux outrage over the Opening Ceremonies at the Olympics:

“It was my absolute honor to perform in front of billions of people around the world, and celebrate our Olympians and remember, to the ones that had their feathers ruffled seeing queerness on their screen: WE AIN’T GOING NOWHERE. The opening ceremony did ruffle some feathers… and I LOVE it. You know why? Because the Olympics are the biggest stage in the world and us queer people have always been the audience of other people’s life and achievement and it is time that we are welcome in the space. France has always been DRAG. Get over it.”

Yes, please get over it because drag queens and gay folks aren’t going anywhere.

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Andy Beshear, Democrat governor of Kentucky, on The Felon and The Guyliner’s stance on abortion:

“You look at the fact that my mom, my daughter, and my wife had a constitutional right ripped and stripped from them. I think it is important that we strip [The Felon] of the chance to ever have a second term.”

It’s that simple; we stand with women or we all fall.

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Chelsea Handler, on JD Vance’s lunacy:

"As you may have heard, [The Felon]'s running mate and future star of his own Dateline episode, J.D. Vance, is ruffling quite a few feathers this week. Listen up, you wingnut elegy. This country is still controlled by men in systems that were set up by men that are carefully crafted to continue to benefit men. So, to put it in women-hating terms you’ll understand, you’re being hysterical. But let's be clear: There's no correlation between childless people and the presidency. For example, our very first United States president, Mr. George Washington, didn't have children. In fact, he had two stepchildren. And to your point about Kamala not being fit because she's not a ‘mother,’ I'd like to remind you that no president in the history of the United States has ever been a mother. But maybe if she had five kids with three different men, and a scandalous affair with a porn star, and was convicted felon, that would be more palatable to Republican men. My God, are we tired. You sad, diet, Mountain-Dew-drinking, couch-humping, dolphin-porn aficionado, all of us childless cat and dog ladies are gonna go from childless and crushing it to childless and crushing you in November. And before you tell me he didn’t really f**k a couch, spare me. I grew up in New Jersey in the 80s where everyone had a couch in their basement, and I know a couch f**ker when I see one.”

And the rest of us are seeing it, too!

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Pete Buttigieg, on that resurfaced 2021 clip in which Vance condemns “childless” Democrats:

“The really sad thing is he said that after Chasten and I had been through a fairly heartbreaking setback in our adoption journey. He couldn’t have known that, but maybe that’s why you shouldn’t be talking about other people’s children. And it’s not about his kids or my kids or the vice president’s family. It’s about your family, people’s families whose well-being will depend on whether we go into a future led by somebody like Kamala Harris, who is focused on expanding the prosperity and the freedom, the well-being of our families. Or do you want your children to grow up in a country defined by a return to the chaos and recrimination and cruelty that was the hallmark of the [The Felon] era?”

So now if you don’t have children, according to Republicans, you don’t have anything to offer.

Let that sink in.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t know who Tia Mowry is though I know she has a twin and they were on TV once a long time ago, but Tia, I guess in a move to seem relevant, is talking about a recent run-in with an A-list celebrity.

First, that begs the question, how did Tia Mowry get into the same room as an A-lister? Was she serving the dinner? Parking the car? Bussing the table? I digress … Tia Mowry is talking up a storm about a rude encounter with the Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron:

“She wasn’t very nice to me. I said ‘Hi,’ and she actually rolled her eyes and said, ‘Oh my God.’”

Tia does say that maybe Charlize was having a bad day, but still has the Charlize Sadz about the whole thing:

“I wasn’t over-the-top. I know how to approach another celebrity. Charlize was just mean. I'm just being honest.”

First off: “another” celebrity? Tia, you ain’t in the same league as Charlize so get it real.

Second off: Maybe Charlize was pissed at your sister and couldn’t tell the difference?

Third off: why is this a story?

I’ve learned several things in life:

Don’t party with Lohan because you’ll end up with a black eye or in jail.

Don’t get near Paris Hilton without a HazMat suit.

Don’t say Hi to Charlize Theron.

And, don’t ever come become Aretha Franklin and a hamburger.

After a show at upstate New York’s Artpark Outdoor Amphitheater, the Queen of Soul was hongray and really wanted a burger, so she headed over to the Johnny Rockets in Niagara Falls, Ontario and ordered a take-out sammich.

But then she took it to a table and … sat … down. Now, some restaurants have made it a policy that take-out food cannot be eaten inside the building because there could be others waiting for that table and because some people pull that trick so they don’t have to pay a tip.

But this was Aretha who does what Aretha wants so she plopped down and began eating when it happened: an employee told her to Get On Up. Her representative said a server actually called Aretha out for eating her take out burger at a table, saying the server screamed at Franklin, saying she couldn’t sit down to eat because she ordered takeout.

Franklin, for her part, says the worker was “very rude, unprofessional and nasty.”

A Johnny Rockets spokeswoman says the franchise owner is sorry for the actions of “a new and very young employee” and says the owner has spoken with the employee and has clarified his takeout policies.

No word on whether or not the server made it out alive.

Do.Not.Come.Between.Aretha.And.Her.Burger.

A week or so ago, while performing in concert, Tim McGraw found himself being grabbed by a female fan — Jesslyn Taylor — who latched onto his thigh, wouldn’t let go, and ripped his jeans in the process. McGraw reacted by swatting the woman away, but his hand made contact with her face and now she’s gone and hired a lawyer and is gonna sue Tim McGraw ... unless he gives a check to just go away.

Since the concert was in Atlanta, the local police department has seen video of the smack and has come down on the side of Tim McGraw, saying Taylor was the aggressive one and McGraw was just protecting his Not-So-Tiny-Tim. And McGraw did say this about the grope’n’smack:

“Sometimes things can lose context and perspective. I reacted in an instinctive, defensive way from my perspective of what was going on. I think it was an unfortunate situation I think all the way around. But it happened, it happened in a split second, it was pure instinctive reaction, I think you just got to move on. It is one of those things that happen, nobody feels good about it, but there’s nothing that could be done about it. You are in that position, you are out there, you are vulnerable, things happen and sometimes you react. There’s nothing to be said about it.”

Jesslyn claims that not only was she slapped, but she was also kicked out of the show and is humiliated; she wants an apology big check from Tim, but I think Tim should sue her for physical assault. Maybe then Jesslyn Taylor will keep her hands to herself.

The rumors aren’t dying that Beyoncé and Jay Z are headed for divorce.

Oh sure, the papers say the marriage is over, but then the next day Beyoncé Instragrams a picture of she and Jay Z playing mommy and daddy to little Blue Ivy, because that’s how Beyoncé handles all bad press; remember she scrubbed her Instagram accounts of Solange after ElevatorGate and then brought her back in a bit later to show everyone that all is well in the Carter house.

Image, baby, it’s all about image … and coins. See, Page Six says what the Carters have isn’t marriage but a business arrangement because they realize they are more marketable together than apart, though the "apart" may be coming soon since Jay Z is ALLEGEDLY banging Rihanna.

In fact, they say the elevator fight after the Met Ball was really over Jay Z's protégé Rihanna, whom he ALLEGEDLY planned to meet later that night at his 40/40 club. “Solange was like, ‘Enough is enough — you must be [screwing] Rihanna.’”

Smack. Kick. Kick. Smack.

Still, rumor has it that Beyoncé and Jay-Z will not put their dying marriage out of its misery until they milk every last dime they can out of this union.

Except … Beyoncé may already have one foot out the door because she is ALLEGEDLY shopping for a new crib without Jay Z.

In fact, she just toured a $21.5 million Chelsea penthouse just a few weeks after ElevatorGate though a source — and who knew Dina Lohan was in real estate — says,  “She was very quiet, as if she was looking on the sly.”

Adding some kerosene to the fire is that fact that Beyoncé is not shopping for the both of them because Jay Z has always been the one to make the real estate deals. And he was nowhere to be seen while Beyoncé shopped, and rumor has it that Jay doesn't want to move from their Tribeca pied-à-terre. Plus, the couple’s 8,309-square-foot Tribeca home is twice as big as the 4,045-square-foot penthouse Beyoncé say and you just know Jay Z don’t downsize.

So, is Beyoncé going Katie Holmes on Jay Z’s ass? Remember when Katie left Tom she’d already bought a new apartment before she tied the sheets together and slipped out of the Cruise Compound.

I loathe Jenny McCarthy. A talentless bimbo more well-known for her boobs and who she's schtupped than anything else, but apparently she’s terrible mother, too.

See, the story goes that McCarthy told her 12 year-old son, Evan, that it’s illegal to text and drive and he took her seriously. Evan is autistic and some folks on the autism spectrum take things literally, so when Evan and mommy were driving and mommy took out her phone to text, Evan called the police on her.

And what did wonderful mom Jenny do? Snatched his phone and threw it out the window. And we know it’s true because that dim bulb told the story on her soon-to-be-cancelled radio show, Dirty, Sexy, Funny.

Not funny, Jenny.

I love a good catfight but we rarely get a man-on-man brawl, until now …

Freddie Prinze Jr. was at Comic-Con last week to promote the Disney XD series Star Wars Rebels and took the time to reveal that he hated working on 24 with Kiefer Sutherland because Sutherland was a jerk.

“I did 24, it was terrible. I hated every moment of it. I just wanted to quit the business after that. So, I just sort of stopped. … I went and worked for Vince McMahon at the WWE, for Christ’s sake … but, at least he was cool and tall. I didn’t have to take my shoes off to do scenes with him, which they made me do [at 24]. Just put the guy on an apple box or don’t hire me next time. You know I’m 6 feet and he’s 5’4. … Kiefer was the most unprofessional dude in the world. That’s not me talking trash, I’d say it to his face. I think everyone that’s worked with him has said that.”

Of course, Kiefer isn’t saying a word because he’s probably sitting in a bar somewhere with his pants around his ankles drunk off his ass, but the good folks at 24 have said Freddie’s not being truthful because they love Kiefer.

Uh huh.

First comes the back-story … a few years back when Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr were still together, there was some gossip that Miranda let Justin Bieber bang her. I know … ick. It was around the time that Justin performed at a Victoria’s Secret runway show and people say Miranda did it for laughs and the possibility of an STD or something; of course, she was also ALLEGEDLY banging Leo DiCaprio, too, so maybe she was the Petri dish in that triad.

Then, when Orlando and Miranda finally split the Bieber rumors were cited by some as the reason, saying Orlando was really upset with the idea that his wife was Biebered. So, of course, as small men do, a few months ago Orlando was spotted out and about with Bieber’s on-again-off-again ex Selena Gomez because, well, Hollywood is incestuous like that.

And so naturally, this week when Orly and Biebs were in the same nightclub in Ibiza, a tiff broke out and Orlando threw a punch at the tiny star and Justin fled the restaurant amid cheers of the onlookers.

A source — and since Lohan is in Europe, and this was at a club, well, you do the math — says, “Justin was at one table, and Orlando was at another. But when Bieber and his party were later walking past Bloom’s table, Orlando refused to shake Bieber’s hand. Bieber said something rude to Orlando, like, ‘She was good.’”

Oh.No.She.Di’in’t. Then Orlando and Justin got in each other’s faces and Orlando threw a punch but he either missed or Bieber dodged it, but the crowd cheered. Later on in the night, after the punch that wasn’t or was heard ‘round the world, Justin Bieber, as little boys are apt to do, Instagrammed a picture of Miranda Kerr and then instantly deleted it.

Seriously, it used to be women having the catfights and now it’s the man-boys.

File this under 'You Ain’t Foolin’ Anyone,' but Oscar nominee, Terrence Howard, who’s made 90+ TV shows and films, says he’s too broke to pay his ex-wife, Michelle, spousal support.

Terrence has asked a judge to throw out his divorce settlement with Michelle, saying they were only married a year and he was extorted and blackmailed into signing the settlement. But Michelle ain’t giving up and is demanding the $325,000 in spousal support she says she’s owed.

And so now Terrence says he could never pay her that much money because he only takes home $5,878 a month, and claims the balance of his earnings are earmarked for spousal and child support to another ex-wife, Lori McMasters. In fact, Terrence says he’s actually an employee on Lori’s payroll because his Hollywood cash goes directly to her and then she cuts him his monthly check.

Poor man. Married a few times and owing money all over the place, with never enough to go around; even though he has eight projects coming up.

Methinks Terry’s gonna have to come up with a better story than being broke.

I live in fear of Martha Stewart ever since the day she stole a cab from me and beat me senseless with a ten-pound slab of pancetta on 5th Avenue. You don’t mess with Martha — though I’d bet on her in a death match with Aretha.

Remember when Stewart was asked about Gwyneth Paltrow’s “lifestyle” blog, GOOP, and Martha threw shade, saying she invented the whole lifestyle biz? Well, now she’s reminding us again, because another Hollywood upstart, Blake Lively, has tried to cut into her livelihood.

Blake has let it be known many times that Martha is her idol and she wants to be her. In fact, she went all Single White Female on Martha when she and hubby, and my Hubby-In-My-Head, Ryan Reynolds, bought the house around the corner from Martha and she started visiting every day. Blake was on Martha’s show; Blake gave Martha’s magazine pictures of her wedding; Blake was trying on Martha’s gardening clogs.

But you can’t fool Stewart; at the Atlantic City Food and Wine Festival Martha was asked about Blake’s new lifestyle ‘blog’ Preserve and she said this:

“They’re very friendly, very nice people. In a way, kind of shy — not shy on the screen, at all, if you’ve seen any of Blake’s movies — but very shy in person. But she’s a baker and a homemaker and now she’s starting her own blog … I haven’t seen it yet.”

Snap! Blake’s very shy in person, but not onscreen if you’ve seen her movies? Makes her sound like a porn star! And then she tosses in the I haven’t seen it yet like it’s so inconsequential. But then someone asked Martha how she felt about Blake Lively wanting to be the new Martha:

“Let her try. I don’t mean that facetiously! I mean, it’s stupid, she could be an actress! Why would you want to be me if you could be an actress? I just did a movie yesterday, though — I can’t even tell you about it — but I want to be Blake Lively.”

Dirt! Blake “could be” an actress.

Like I said, don’t mess with Stewart; she always comes at you with a barb or a ten-pound slab of pancetta and both hurt!

Tim McGraw Will Not Show You His Face

Hey Tim? What gives?

You're a good-looking guy.

Let us have a look-see.

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