I Didn't Say It ...

Will Ganss, out ABC producer and Good Morning America correspondent, condemning his hometown in Texas for considering revoking anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people:

"What I know to be true because I grew up in Arlington, Texas, is that every person deserves to feel safe, no matter who they love or what their preferences might be. In fourth grade, I got my ass absolutely kicked during a game of football at recess, and I ran immediately to my elementary school library because my librarian made sure that I knew that there was a safe space for me there. I'm still in touch with my elementary school music teacher because she cares about my success and safety and happiness as a human being. These are Arlington, Texas values. Arlington is a community that is filled with faith and filled with compassion and, yes, filled with queer people. I know because I am a person who is faith-filled and compassionate and queer, so before the vote on November 18, I would encourage you to reach out to your city council members, to your mayor and let them know how you feel about this. Y'all know I don't post a lot of stuff like this, but the younger version of me needs this version of me to say something."

Spot on. Good on Ganss for speaking up and out.

The Arlington City Council will vote on a revised ordinance November 18, which would remove “gender identity and expression” and “sexual orientation” as protected characteristics. The vote comes after the council temporarily suspended the clause in September due to threats from Cankles’ Regime.

photo

Mark Pocan, out Democrat Representative from Wisconsin, blasts Cankles’ trade war and his misguided priorities:

“Of course it’s going to hurt us. You can’t throw tariffs around indiscriminately and then not negotiate because you’re mad about a pushback from one of the countries that you’re having a trade war with. People are paying too much for groceries, for durable goods; inflation is up from September, all because of Trump’s tariff taxes on all of us. It does have a negative effect on Americans, and it has a negative effect on Canadians. The president needs to be more mature and go back to negotiations. He’d be better off if he just took away this irresponsible use of tariffs since Congress is supposed to have that responsibility. And let’s get back to helping lower the cost for Americans.”

Get back to helping ALL Americans, not just the grifters and con artists and dog killers and rapists and heroin addicts.

All those elected people work for We The People and we need to remember that we have the power to change this but we have to get up, stand up, speak up and VOTE!

photo

Charlie Angus, former Member of Canda’s House Oof Commons, on Cankles AI sh*t-show:

“This is a guy who showed an AI video of himself dumping diarrheas on his own citizens. So the fact that he’s freaking out because we showed a video that just had Ronald Reagan speaking shows  he’s not trustworthy.”

He’s a narcissistic child; a clueless moron.

Not trustworthy? He’s a criminal, a rapist, a racist and ….

photo

Letitia James, New York’s indicted attorney general, spoke at a campaign rally for mayoral frontrunner Zohran Mamdani, and did not mention the name of the President but took him on nonetheless:

“I will not bow, I will not break, I will not bend, I will not capitulate. I will not give in. I will not give up. You come for me, you gotta come through all of us. I won’t give up and I won’t give in. So we have no time to linger and focus on pettiness and revenge. We’ve gotta press on, press forward, continue the journey, claim the victory … and so I fear no man.”

Of all the things Cankles most fears it a woman of color standing up to him, and James is doing all of that and I stand with her every step of the way.

photo

Ariana Grande, actor and singer, speaking to The Cult:

“I want to check in with [his] voters. I have one very genuine question: it's been 250 days. Now that immigrants have been violently torn from their families and communities have been destroyed, now that trans people have been blamed for virtually everything and live in fear, now that free speech is on the brink of collapse for us all—has your life gotten better? Have your groceries gotten cheaper? Has your health insurance premium gone done? Has your work/life balance improved? Can you take a vacation yet? Are you happier? Has the widespread suffering of others paid off for you in the way he promised it would or are you still waiting?"

Good on Grande for speaking out; she has a sizable social media presence and her standing up and resisting could reach a whole new audience … younger people who are the future of America.

photo

Erik Bottcher, out New York City Councilman, running for the seat of retiring Congressman Jerry Nadler, and raising nearly $700,000 in campaign funds in his first 24 hours:

“This congressional district has a proud tradition of representatives who’ve fought for LGBTQ+ rights, from Bella Abzug to Jerry Nadler, but we’ve never actually had one of our own at the table. And there’s an old saying, ‘If you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu.’ Our community is under attack in terrifying ways, and it’s time to take the gloves off. I love my country, and right now it’s being torn apart by [Cankles] and his neo-fascist forces. This is the moment for all Americans, especially those of us in public service, to stand up and fight back. I’m out in the community day and night, every day of the week. People want real representation. They want to know and feel connected to the people who speak for them. That’s been at the heart of my work in City Council District 3, and it’s exactly what I’d bring to the 12th District if I run. I’ve spent my life serving my community, and serving in Congress would be one of the highest honors imaginable.”

This historic, grassroots-driven achievement marks the biggest first-day total in New York State history and one of the biggest nationwide. Bottcher is one of the city’s most visible LGBTQ+ officials and a rising star in Democratic politics.

photo

Bobservations

It's today. Carlos' birthday, and, as he would tell it, like Vera Charles, he is somewhere between forty.....and death. But he doesn't get to tell it. I do, because it's my blog and I'll write about him if I want to....

Carlos constantly amazes me. I learn something new about him, from him, every day. His hasn't always been the easiest path; he's had more ups and downs than a power top at an all-night orgy, but he moves on with a smile. He's endured things and overcome things that would break a lesser man, but he does it a laugh and, perhaps, a little sashay that would make RuPaul green with envy.

He has a smirk that makes me swoon.
He has a way with words that makes me feel like a dizzy redhead.
He has a heart and passion for life that is unmatched.

So, here we are, celebrating his birthday for the :::gulp::: twenty-second time together, and I am looking forward to more, and more, and more.

I love you, Carlos, for who you were, and who you are, and who you will be.

Happy Birthday, Baby, and if they ask, I won't tell.

And because it’s your birthday, I’ll post a little song about how you make me feel:

I commented on a Facebook post about Franklin Graham coming down hard on Disney, and I said I had more faith in Disney than in Frank. A woman told me I was going to Hell, and I replied:

“If it’s anything like Disney, and there are no Republicans or faux-Christians there, then it really will be the happiest place on Earth.”

Thank you. I’m here all week.

I mentioned the other day that Matt Gaetz voted against capping insulin co-pays because, well, fat people deserve it if they get diabetes. But when I didn’t mention, was that every single Democrat voted for the cap while 193 House Republicans voted NO.

The votes don’t lie; only the Democratic Party is lowering health care costs.

I was getting gas this morning at pump 3, and I noticed the person before me bought $10 worth. Where the hell were they going? Pump 4?

A field 51 candidates have filed to run in the special election to fill Alaska’s lone Congressional seat, and they include current and former lawmakers, a homebuilder and his brother, the former half-term quitting governor, Sarah Palin and … North Pole City Council member Santa Claus.

Wouldn’t it be a hoot if Palin lost to Santa?

I have no problem with men wearing dresses. I kinda like the idea of a constant breeze on my junk, but, sheesh, I see this and think ‘Dude looks like a sister wife.’

I am not really a fan of Ariana Grande; for years I thought her bratty and petulant and self-entitled, and I still don’t think I was wrong but … she is a very strong ally for the LGBTQ+ community. And with transgender youth under attack by the GOP all across the country, Grande established the Protect & Defend Trans Youth Fund, and started it all off with her own donation of $1.5 million, and is asking her fans and LGBTQ+ allies to support the cause:

“Right now there are hundreds of disgraceful bills pending in state legislature that target trans youth and aim to curb their rights. [The Protect & Defend Trans Youth Fund] will support organizations providing direct services and advocating for the rights of trans youth [and] will provide critical funds to organizations advocating for the rights of trans youth.”

Eighteen groups will benefit from the cash, including Equality Florida, the Black Trans Advocacy Coalition, Southern Arizona Gender Alliance, and the Tennessee Equality Project.

Thanks Ariana for taking a stand.

Let this sink in: Tennessee Republicans don’t want people to say Gay in their state but are willing to remove the age requirements for marriage.

Meaning you cannot talk about Johnny’s two Daddies, but you can talk about thirty-year-old Cousin Jim Bob and his twelve-year-old wife.

Giove Taiola. He’s Italian and, well, that’s all I’ve got. But that’s all you need for this week’s Would You Hit It?
Would You?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh. Hell. No. It’s been announced that 34-year-old Cynthia Erivo and 28-year-old Ariana Grande will star as Elphaba and Galinda in the film version of the Broadway musical Wicked and I am not here for it.

Here’s why … in both the book, which I have read, and the musical, which, yes, I have seen countless times, Elphaba and Galinda—she was Galinda before changing her name to Glinda—are the same age, and roommates in college. Erivo and Grande do not look the same age.

Now, I’m cool with Erivo, who is a formidable talent, but Grande? Come on. Find someone closer in age to Erivo who looks like a contemporary and not somebody’s little sister.

On the upside? Tens of thousands of people have signed a petition begging James Corden to stay out of the upcoming Wicked movie.

photo

For a while now there’s been a battle over the Hottest Chris … Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, or Pratt. Now, I’ve long been a fan of all three, Hemsworth with his hot body, Evans and his hot ass, and Pine with his sexy blue eyes, but I’ve never thought much of Pratt and now I think even less of him,.

Pratt was once married to Anna Faris, and they share a 9-year-old son named Jack. Jack was born seven weeks premature and weighed less than four pounds. He spent the first month of his life in the NICU before coming home and has had health issues and five separate surgeries due to his premature birth.

So what did Pratt do that earns him the title of Douchebag? Well, he took to Instagram to brag on his current wife Katherine Schwarzenegger and praised her for the things she’s given him, including an “amazing life” and a “gorgeous healthy daughter.”

Yes, Katherine gave him a healthy daughter while Anna … let’s not even talk about the misogyny of a man saying his wife “gave” him a child, as though that’s her duty, but to even praise her because the child she bore for him was healthy?

Pratt is a douche.

photo

Ramona Singer is the longest serving—like a jail sentence—member on The Real Housewives of New York City and is by far the worst. Though she rarely talks about it, she’s an ALLEGED Thing 45 fan, she thought COVID was a hoax, and is constantly saying racist, offensive shiz.

For example, at a “Black Shabbat” dinner she said that Jewish people hate her, and that she, too, was a victim of racism because a Black nurse ALLEGEDLY  refused to give her pain meds while she was in labor in 1987. And this past week, she commented “So true” on a video of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. comparing vaccine mandates to “Nazi territory.”

So that’s Ramona in a nutshell.

This past last season Eboni K. Williams joined the show as the first Black cast member, and not so coincidentally this past season was the first time ever that the reunion shows were cancelled. At first Bravo blamed that on “scheduling conflicts” even though the reunions are part of the filming schedule and planned out months in advance but then an uglier story broke that the cancellation had to do with an investigation into Ramona’s ALLEGED racist behavior and a comment she made during a fight when LuAnn de Lesseps kicked Eboni out of her home; Ramona ALLEGEDLY said:

“This is why we shouldn’t have Black people on the show.” 

Ramona immediately denied it, but … also says she signed a confidentiality agreement and can’t “share her side of the story.” Um, here’s the deal: someone accuses me of being a racist any “confidentiality” agreement is tossed out the window and I’m talking. But Ramona isn’t, and was asked by Bravo to undergo sensitivity training: AKA Stop Saying Racist Shit, Girl.

Eboni ALLEGEDLY filed a complaint against Ramona when she heard about the racist comment, and that Bravo took the ALLEGATION seriously enough to launch an investigation. Ramona was ultimately cleared though Williams was sad to be “dissatisfied” with the investigation and its findings.

And fans have their own thoughts: some think Bravo canceled the reunion so Eboni wouldn’t have a chance to confront Ramona about her racism, and others think the network is protecting Ramona so that people will watch her in the upcoming Peacock spin-off, The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip, and that once the spin-off is done airing, Ramona will get fired.

Or, as I am apt to think, Andy Cohen will give her a pay raise for all the free publicity.

photo

Shailene Woodley, girlfriend of COVIDIOT Aaron Rodgers,  took to social media this week to slam the Daily Mail for misidentifying her boyfriend in a series of photos about him being a liar, saying the media outlet was “grasping at straws to disparage Aaron.” She posted screenshots from the story and drew a circle around the mystery man’s—who had been identified as Aaron in the photo—shoes and brought up the old wives’ tale that big feet mean big dick:

“i know aaron’s body. VERY well. first off, his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger. ;).”

Wow, Shailene. Tell us more about your ALLEGEDLY big-dicked lying boyfriend; and she did:

“also, for those of us who know aaron beyond the worlds of obsessed sport and shitty media, it’s no secret he has the hairiest hands on the fucking planet. this oblivious homie, clearly, does not. (go ahead, zoom in).”

Whoosh, Shailene is pissed over, and obsessed by, big feet and hairy hands, and gets very angry about them. Lastly, she went after the man’s car:

“also, cute car dude, but aaron would never drive this.”

Take it down a notch, girl your boyfriend was asked if he had taken the COVID-19  vaccine and he said, “Yes.” And that was a lie. Now, did the Daily Mail maybe not use photos of the actual liar? Did they use a small-footed, smooth-handed, compact car driving man? Maybe.

But that doesn’t mean your boyfriend isn’t a liar, hon, and that doesn’t mean you sound desperate and pathetic.

Take a seat, Karen.

photo

If Dakota Johnson is your Secret Santa this year your, um, “stocking” will be stuffed.

For some reason known to no one other than Dakota, she announced that she will be giving Butt Plugs, designed by sexual wellness brand Maude, to friends and family for Christmas because nothing says Ho Ho Ho like a butt plug, I guess:

“Oh, this is going in everybody’s stocking. Are you kidding? It’s the perfect stocking stuffer. You think your uncle hasn’t wanted a butt plug his entire life? You’re lying.”

The butt plug, dubbed Cone, plug is a dark evergreen color and resembles a Christmas tree, perfect for the person who wants a Christmas tree up their bum.

Maude’s $30 “Cone” is made with FDA-grade, body-safe silicone that is soft to the touch. The tapered end of the toy and its smaller size makes it the perfect “starter size” for beginners, designed with both men and women in mind to make anal play “really approachable.”

Ho Ho … Oooh.

photo

It's Snarkurday!

They’ve been together nearly fifty years, but a breakup can still be ugly and can still inspire a lawsuit.

Indeed, the Rumours—see what I did there? —are true, Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham is suing the band, claiming that they booted him from the group for no reason and then replaced him with Mike Campbell of the Heartbreakers and Neil Finn from Crowded House.

Lindsey claims Stevie Nicks started hating on him after he smirked while she was giving a speech at a MusiCares benefit, while Stevie says Lindsey got the boot for wanting to postpone their tour while the others were ready to roll … rock and roll:

“We were supposed to go into rehearsal in June and he wanted to put it off until next November… That’s a long time…. As soon as I finish one thing, I dive back into another. Why would we stop? We don’t want to stop playing music. We don’t have anything else to do. This is what we do.”

Either way, Lindsey and his people have filed suit for “breach of fiduciary duty, breach of oral contract and intentional interference with prospective economic advantage” and claim Lindsey was let go without warning and is entitled to money. The complaint also says that because there was no written contract between the band, no one can get fired “without cause”. Lindsey tops off his complaint by attaching some receipts to the end of it in the form of an email sent to Mick Fleetwood on February 28 where he tried to deal with the drama:

“In the month since MusiCares I’ve tried to speak to both you and Stevie, to no avail … I’ve only gotten radio silence this whole time … All of this breaks my heart … After 43 years and the finish line so clearly in sight, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that for the five of us to splinter apart now would be the wrong thing … At the moment, the band’s heart and soul has been diminished. But our center, which had seen us through so much, is only laying dormant.”

Wow. Is it about cash, or a smirk, or is Lindsey crushed the band got back together without him and that it took two people to do his job?

photo

Now, this is how a breakup after five months goes … last week Pete Davidson had his neck tattoo for Ariana Grande—a pair of bunny ears inspired by her Dangerous Woman album getup—changed into a heart.

Yes, folks, it’s over between Davidson and Grande and, oh who cares. This whole relationship seemed made for Instagram and Twitter and social Media and special Pete Davidson comedy segments on SNL, as well as Ariana’s new tunes.

photo

Former White House staffer, and pot stirrer extraordinaire, Omarosa is still trying to sell her book by detonating some more bombs about _____ and his White House Hot Mess band of miscreants and losers. But, since we all know what a d-i-saster this administration is Omarosa has no more stories to sell tell sell, so she’s moved onto the creepy relationship between _____ and his daughter-wife Ivanka:

“He would kiss her on the lips. He would rub her for a very long period of time. It was awkward.”

Even better is the ALLEGATION that Ivanka adores being known as, not Mrs. Jared Kushner, but Daddy’s Little Girl and she often introduced _____ to people as … I may vomit …

“My daddy.”

But Omarosa also threw shade at Mr. Daddy’s Little Girl, saying:

“[Jared] is that guy in the room who thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room. He has absolutely no idea of what is going on. He doesn’t know how stupid he sounds when he’s talking at those meetings.”

Still, he must know, as we all know now, that he sounds like a cartoon squirrel, right?

The only one who goes unscathed is Melanie, who’s probably thrilled about the kisses and touches Daddy and Daddy’s Little Girl share, because it means that orange mushroom dick ain’t coming near her.

photo

Tara Reid may not be able to book any acting jobs, but she can steal the show aboard a Delta Airlines flight like the best of them.

Things got off to a rocky start for Tara aboard her Delta Flight 613 from LAX to NYC right from the jump off when she loudly complained about being given the wrong seat … She likes to sit close to the bar cart, you know … but things turned hideous when the flight attendants did not fulfill Read’s request for a pillow. And when they tried to diffuse the situation with shiny objects and little bottles of booze, and got nowhere, the pilot turned the plane around, and went back to the gate for a “customer service issue”. 

The issue, of course, was Tara, who got off the plane to the biggest ovation she’s ever heard.

photo

Say it isn’t so, even though the idea of Idris Elba in tights sends sparks through my loins.

Is Idris Elba actually in talks for a role in the upcoming film adaptation of :::gasp::: Cats? If so, he’ll be joining Sir Ian McKellen as either Old Deuteronomy or Gus: The Theater Cat and Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella: The Glamor Cat. Okay, there’s some talent there so maybe Idris Feline Elba will be good but … but …BUT … both Taylor Swift and James Corden have been cast as well.

Say it ain’t so Idris! I mean, wear tights and prance around like a cat, but do it in my dreams like you used to, and not in a movie.

photo

Lastly, Gwyneth Paltrow. I know, she’s horrible, but apparently we aren’t the only ones who know. Gwyneth’s dad, Bruce, was also well aware of what a shrew his child was is, because, as Goop tells it, he told her so:

“I was just believing my own hype, thinking that I was super-awesome. And [my dad] was like, ‘You’re getting weird—you’re acting like a dick.’”

Daddy was right; and she proves it again by talking about giving up acting …thank the goddess for that one … and how she doesn’t miss it at all:

“It’s so weird. It was such a part of my identity for so long … I went out to LA for a couple of days, and I actually didn’t hate it. But I just don’t miss it. The level and breadth of creativity that I have in this job is so bananas, and I’m very fulfilled.”

Um, not to call you a liar, again, Gwynnie, but it was just last month … last effing month … that you talked about your home being in LA and how your two kids Jedediah and Mango go to school in LA and your consciously uncoupled ex, Chris Martin, bought a home in LA to be close to his kids and how your new husband Brad Falchuk lives and works full-time in LA.

Sheesh, this woman wouldn’t know the truth if it came silkscreened on a $1,500 Goop T.

photo

It's Snarkurday!

News moves fast these days and you either get in on it, or you move along ... something former Spice Girl Mel B. should learn.

Mel B., now some twenty days past New Years Eve, has weighed in on the Mimi Mess. Seriously; it might have been more relevant had she weighed in on the tumble Judy Garland took at the Palladium back in 1951 but I digress ...

Mel B. is currently on Broadway in the revolving door role of Roxie Hart in Chicago and brought up how she was in Times Square that fateful night and saw Mimi’s, for lack of a better word, performance. She says she was “in complete shock” watching Mariah lip-synch-talk-strip-stripper-stroll through her set and added:

“I was watching, going, ‘What is going on over there?’ because I was trying to lip-synch along to her song, pretending I was Mariah, and then it all stopped. ... As a performer ... if something happens, you just keep going. Your first reaction is to not let silence go too long, so I was in complete shock. I was like, ‘Why did you let that happen?’ I think maybe she ... didn’t even want to attempt that when it actually came to singing live because some of the track was pre-recorded, all of the high notes, and some of it was just blank for her to sing live. Maybe she doesn’t have that voice anymore. I hate to say it…” 

Um, no you don’t, and it’s funny because what you described is my impression of every single Spice Girls performance.

Seriously, Mel, save the shade lest it land on you, too.

[photo]

Poor Dina Lohan, her daughter Lindsay turned her once-brilliant film career ... damn I’m funny ... into a career as a high, or mid-range, paid escort and bar hostess and now Dina is suffering the consequences.

Yup, y’all, Dina Lohan is broke ... again.

Three years ago, JPMorgan Chase hit Mama Lohan with a lawsuit for non-payment on a $1.3 million loan; now, she may have made a few payments with some of Lindsay’s Oprah Reality Show Money because the lawsuit quickly disappeared.  

Then, in February 2016, the lawsuit was brought back to life when JPMorgan Chase went back to court and started foreclosure procedures again. And since Dina had better things to do—or open, as in box after box of Franzia chardonnay—she never responded and never went to court. In December the judge allowed the bank to foreclose on Chez Lohan, which is expected to hit the auction block.

On top of losing her home, Dina also owes the states of California and New York a total of $9,375.28 in unpaid taxes and the private school where the littlest Lohan, Cody, went has sued her for $10,483.

My next guess is that Dina will seal herself inside a box marked “Used Goods” and ship herself via FedEx to Greece where she’ll swim out to any and every yacht in the Mediterranean looking for her little girl to bail her out ... again.

[photo]

Oh this is rich ... as in rich people’s kids are stupid.

Jaden Smith failed his driving test and then, via social media because, why not, he told the entire world that since he couldn’t drive he was planning to move out of Los Angeles:

 “It’s going to be so funny to tell my dad that I failed straight up. Everybody follow your heart, you know what I’m saying? Do exactly what you want to do, be the you that you want to be. I’m about to move out of L.A. There’s a lot of bad things here. Create the life you want for yourself, you know? Don’t try to be somebody else.”

In a completely unrelated story the City of Angels has given an unnamed DMV employee a one million dollar bonus for ensuring that LA streets will be safer, and minus one idiot behind the wheel and on the phone.

[photo]

Charlie Sheen has a TV movie coming out soon called Mad Families—and it’s not about his home life no matter what you think—and so he’s been all over the media promoting it ... by telling the world that he is still pissed at Rihanna because one time she didn’t ask Sheen and his porn star ex-fiancé to join her at her table.

That snub lead the two of them, Charlie and RiRi, to get into a TwitFight where she called him an “old queen” and he is still livid.

Yup. Crazy holds a grudge.

And he’s trying to keep baby in a corner, too, because, while appearing on Andy Cohen’s Hot Mess of a Show, Andy played a clip of Charlie and Jennifer Grey from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Charlie hissed:

“Talk about a nose job ruining a career.”

Well, better a nose job than a drug-and-porn-and-knife addiction.

[photo]

So, supermodel ... seriously, I am soooo funny ... Bella Hadid is ALLEGEDLY furious that her BFF Selena Gomez might be dating her ex-boyfriend, The Weeknd, that she did the most evil thing a person could do to another person in this day and age: she stopped following Selena on Instagram.

Yup; back in my day I would’a thrown bleach on Selena’s car, or stalked her and slashed her clothes, but that’s so old school. Better to say, “I’m not following you. You’re now down to just 99,347,862 followers!

So.There.

[photo]

Rob Schneider made a career out of being a no-talent hack on SNL which he parlayed into a series of film roles as a no-talent hack, so what does he do now?

Well, he apparently believes he should school Georgia Congressman John Lewis—the Civil Rights hero that Donald _____ attacked on Twitter—in the ways of Martin Luther King.

Yes. He did. See, last week John Lewis said the Tiny Handed Tyrant was not a “legitimate” president and so Schneider stepped away from his puzzles and board games to Tweet:

“Rep. Lewis. You are a great person. But Dr. King didn't give in to his anger or his hurt. That is how he accomplished & won Civil Rights.”

Um, Rob, you tool. John Lewis knew MLK, worked alongside MLK, and spoke at the Lincoln memorial right before MLK gave his I Have A Dream speech and you think you, a has-been of epic proportions should school him on civil rights? You’re done, Rob; you’re over.

I mean, my god, you’re making commercials for paper towels now.

Sit the eff down.

[photo]

Speaking of stupid celebrities ... Ariana Grande.

She recently posted a picture of herself on Instagram with the line:

“when you’re cute but you’re also the hardest working 23 year old human being on earth #cute #butalso #CEO #unf–kwitable #haventsleptinyears”

Yes, it’s hard work having people literally carry you around like a rag-doll ... it’s hard work walking into a doughnut shop and licking the merchandise ... it’s hard work being Mariah Carey 2.0 and realizing your run will be far shorter.

Sit down with Rob Schneider, dear, you’re two of a kind.

[photo]

Okay, we talked about has-been Spice Girl Mel B. so let’s talk about the Spice Girls and Victoria Beckham.

See, last year there was news of a Spice Girl reunion ... well, three fifths of a reunion since Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Melanie “Sporty Spice” Chisholm gave the idea a side-eye and a loud No. And that left  just Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton, Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown and Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell-Horner to tour as GEM. But now, that mini-reunion is in question because Victoria has ALLEGEDLY enlisted a team of lawyers to block GEM from performing any Spice Girls tunes.

A source—and it’s probably Mel B.’s lips still flapping—says Victoria is worried that mixing new songs with Spice Girls classics will “damage” the group’s legacy.

Now, that’s funny. But the source, er, Mel B. went on to say that the Leftover Spices are “devastated” that Beckham has threatened to sue.

Of course, Victoria is denying these accusations and says she could care less about the reunion. And why should she when she has David Beckham’s ass at hand. Shoot, I’d be the nicest person in the world, never bother a soul, never snark at anyone, if I could grab that ass whenever I wanted.

Just sayin’.

[spice girls, beckham's ass]

Good thing this might be the last season of Sherlock Holmes on Masterpiece Theater because, ALLEGEDLY, Benedict Cumberbatch, AKA Sherlock, and Martin Freeman, AKA Dr. Watson, cannot stand one another.

According to a source—and I’m thinking it’s Mel B. still talking or Dina Lohan looking for coins to pay her tax bills—says Benedict and Martin’s personal relationship is “frosty” and that the two aren’t friends outside of work and only talk to each other when the cameras are rolling.

And if the producers get their way and try to ride this dead horse into a fifth seasons, they may go all The Good Wife onset and have Cumberbatch and Freeman film their scenes separately and then work them into scenes together via editing.

That way the frosty duo can remain cold.

[photo]

Remember when Kim Kardastrophe was robbed at gunpoint and was so distraught she stayed away from social media and the family announced that shooting of their “reality” show was on hold?

Yeah, didn’t last long, because now the KUWTK new season is all about Kim’s Trauma. Yes, that family will be playing up the robbery for ratings and Kim will be playing up the robbery for a paycheck.

See,  after the robbery and before her breakdown on her “reality” show, Kim shot a few scenes for the new all-female version of Ocean’s Eleven—called Ocean’s Eight because maybe Hollywood couldn’t find three other actresses?—where the heist involves the gals stealing a valuable necklace off of the neck of a guest at the Met Gala.

And we all know that Kim Kardastrophe is a regular fixture at the Met gala and now we know that she filmed some scenes for Ocean’s Eight. So, you see, she is  devastated about the theft ... devastated she couldn’t turn it into enough money so she could divorce Kanye outright and not have to seek spousal support.

[1, 2]