The Funny Papers

Adam Zyglis, Scott Stantis, Steve Breen, Drew Sheneman, Steve Sack,RJ Matson, Clay Bennett, Dave Granlund, Ed Wexler, Marc Murphy

The Funny Papers

That'll Teach 'Em

We've all heard the waterboarding stories; it isn't torture, says the likes of Hellhound Dick Cheney, but a necessary means to garner information from someone unwilling to talk freely. Some of us think it is torture, and that the United Sates should never use it; others think we use any means necessary to get information.

Which, apparently, is how Joshua Tabor feels, because he used it to get answers; from his four-year-old daughter.

Tabor admitted to police that he had used the CIA torture technique because his child was unable to recite the alphabet and it made him angry. He told them that as his daughter "squirmed" to get away, he submerged her face three or four times until the water was lapping around her forehead and jawline. Tabor, who had just been awarded primary custody of his daughter a month earlier, admitted that he'd chosen this particular punishment because his daughter was terrified of water.

He was arrested after neighbors reported seeing him walking down their streets near his Tacoma, Washington home, wearing a Kevlar military helmet and threatening to break windows. When police went to his home they discovered the alleged waterboarding incident after speaking to his girlfriend. She told them about the alleged torture and Tabor's daughter was found cowering in a closet, with bruises on her back and scratches on her neck and throat.

Asked how she got the bruises, she said: 'Daddy did it.'

When we use torture to gather information, for any reason, we are also teaching torture, and then it takes just one person, for whatever reason, to apply it to his daily life.

Torturing children.

Thanks John

Well said, as always.

Listen closely, especially at around 3:55.

Good, strong, valid point.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Moral Kombat
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Accountability...Plain & Simple

David S Broder has written a piece for the Washington Post stating that President Obama should "stick to his guns" and not prosecute those guilty of instituting and instigating torture.

Bush. Cheney. Rumsfeld. Rice. Those guilty ones.

Really? Let them off the hook when they took this country and dragged it through the mud, all the while touting our moral superiority, and saying that they are our protectors from the mighty Axis of Evil? Just say, You shouldn't have done that, George, Dick, Don and Condi, and shake an index finger at them? Really?

I wonder how those men who were tortured all day every day would feel about that? Their friends and families? Their countries? All those men that were accused of something but never charged, never tried, never convicted, but were nonetheless subjugated to waterboarding and humiliation at the hands of the Good Old US of A.

We cannot, in good conscience, walk the world with our head held high while we're treating people as less than human. Would we, as a country, stand for that, for even a nanosecond, if that same torture and degradation were being inflicted on our citizens in some prison camp on the far side of the globe? Of course we wouldn't, so we shouldn't have been doing it ourselves.

Broder makes the argument that it will be the "underlings" at the White House, CIA, and the Justice Department, that will bear the brunt of prosecution for the torture. It won't be Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, as it should be. But then he makes the most amazing statement of all. He says, and I quote, "if he is at all a man of honor, George W. Bush would feel bound to say: That was my policy. I was the president. If you want to indict anyone for it, indict me."

Yeah. That'll happen.

If Bush had been a man of honor, even a man with one iota of honor, we wouldn't have tortured one single person in the first place.

So, I disagree with Broder. I say go after those who instigated and ordered torture, not the ones who simply followed orders from their superiors, but from the so-called superiors themselves. Let's show the world, and our own country, that this kind of administration is not who we are, what we are, nor what we will be, it's is merely the remnants of one of the darkest, dirtiest ages in US history.

You can read David Broder's piece HERE

Worth A Thousand Words

[click it, it gets bigger]

The Apple Don't Fall Far From The Bush

Waterboarding: a form of torture that consists of immobilizing the victim on his or her back with the head inclined downwards, and then pouring water over the face and into the breathing passages, forcing suffocation. The subject experiences drowning and is caused to believe they are dying.

In contrast to submerging the head face-forward in water, waterboarding precipitates a gag reflex almost immediately. It can cause extreme pain, dry drowning, damage to lungs, brain damage from oxygen deprivation, other physical injuries including broken bones due to struggling against restraints, lasting psychological damage or, ultimately, death.

The truth is out.
This is, was, America under the Bush Administration.

It has come to light that Condoleezza Rice, Head Footsoldier and Goosestepper to the Terrorist-in-Chief,George W Bush, verbally approved the CIA's request to subject alleged al-Qaida terrorist Abu Zubaydah to waterboarding way way back in July 2002.

The extent of her involvement and subsequent endorsement of torture were released by the Senate Intelligence Committee, and provide a detailed glimpse into how the CIA's interrogation program was conceived and approved at the highest levels in the Bush White House. This new information shows that Rice lied....yes, a lying Bush official, how odd...when she testified in writing last fall to the Senate Armed Services Committee.

Of course, I imagine her spin is that the lie was necessary to keep the country safe.

According to the reports, Condoleezza Rice personally conveyed the Bush administration's approval for waterboarding of Zubaydah to then-CIA Director George Tenet. But then last fall Rice lied when she said that she only "attended" meetings where the interrogation program was discussed; she, of course, could not recall the details. But, here's the rub, Condoleezza Rice completely, utterly, totally omitted direct role in approving the program....in writing!

How you gonna spin that Condi! Can't say that your own written testimony is taken out of context or misunderstood, can you?

Days after Rice gave approval, the Justice Department began to allow the use of waterboarding. Alleged al-Qaida terrorist Abu Zubaydah underwent waterboarding at least 83 times in August 2002.

There was plenty of outrage over the use of torture. There were internal legal reviews that the harsh methods, particularly waterboarding, might violate federal laws against torture and the U.S. Constitution, but the Bush administration lawyers continued to validate the program.

The CIA voluntarily dropped the use of waterboarding, which has a long history as a torture tactic, from its arsenal of techniques after 2005.

A spokesman for Rice declined comment when reached Wednesday.

Ready. Aim. Rant.

Things that make me go WTF?

_______________________

Okay, so American Idol last night. Quick thoughts.

Paula Abdul's choreography was recycled from an old Brady Bunch episode.

David Archuleta will never be taller, but he will always be cut.

Lil and Anoop....BAM.....gone.

Freda Payne should know that you can't sing with a frozen face.

Thelma Houston should sue her hairdresser.

KC looked like a deer-who-can't-carry-a-tune-caught-in-the-headlights.

Simon's arm around Paula....WTF?

________________________

Those new CIA memos revealing the truth about the Bush-Cheney Reign of Terror and Torture.

Let me cut to the chase, people. If you, or anyone you know or hear--this means you Elizabeth One-Brain-Cell Hasselbeck--uses the phrase "I don't condone torture, but....."

You condone torture.

Try this one: "I don't condone child molestation, but....."

Or howsabout: "I don't beat my wife except...."

Do you get it? Good. Then shut up.

_________________________

Matt Lauer and the Today Show. Pandering to the lowest common denominator. Matt seemed to drool a bit this morning, talking about the so-called Craig's List Killer, who stalks women via the web and then kills them and takes their panties home as some sort of trophy.

I think Matt may have been sporting a little bit of wood this morning every time he uttered the word panties.

But, Matt and Today, where is your reporting on the murder of transgendered woman Angie Zapata by psycho Allen Andrade? Was that story too icky for Matt to talk about? Did that story not have the word panties in it so it doesn't make the Today show?

Give it up, Lauer, you'll never be a newsman.

You're a talking head....a talking empty head.

__________________________

And Oprah. Why why why do I watch this media whore? Am I that lazy that I won't just reach for the remote before she speaks?

I was cooking dinner the other night, and for some reason Oprah suddenly appeared on my TV. An Act of God, you say? Perhaps. Maybe I just didn't switch the channel quick enough after The People's Court.

I digress.

But, having a skillet in one hand and a spatula in the other, I couldn't reach for my gun and blow a hole in the TV in time, so I heard her, and saw her. I thought about hurling the skillet through the screen, but then what would Carlos have for dinner?

She was fondly reminiscing about the Susan Smith case. You know, the woman who told everyone that a black man had carjacked her and taken her kids? But then it turned out that she strapped her kids into their car seats and rolled the car into a lake?

Okay, so Oprah, for some unfathomable reason, was showing an interview she did with Susan's husband on the five year anniversary of his son's murders. She is asking him if he visits their graves and, if so, what he says while there.

He chokes up and starts to cry. The camera does a quick cut to our hero, Oprah, as she dabs at the tears in her eyes and says, unbelievably, "This is so hard for me."

For you? Were those your sons in that car? Because I thought you were just the interviewer, and yet, with a quick switch from Camera One to Camera Two, you have become the story.
Look, everyone. Look how hard it is for Oprah?

Seriously, take your crocodile tears and have them made into a handbag or a pair of shoes and please stop talking!

___________________________

Paris Hilton

Lindsay Lohan

Lady GaGa

___________________________

That's all.

You're A Dick, Cheney

On Sunday, Dick Cheney crawled out of his crypt to tell CNNs John King that he believes President Obama's decision to eliminate the use of many of the most controversial interrogation practices used under the former administration had put the country at risk. He doesn't like the idea that President Obama doesn't wish to torture people to get information.

Cheney says, about the Bush Administration use of interrogation "techniques,"and I quote, "I think those programs were absolutely essential to the success we enjoy, of being able to collect the intelligence that let us defeat all further attempts to launch attacks against the United States since 9/11. I think it's a great success story. It was done legally, it was done in accordance with our constitutional practices and principles…"

I got news for ya, Dick, you dumbass Nazi, it wasn't done legally, and it wasn't a success, and just because you rattle on about how great you and the dimWit were, doesn't mean we're buying it any longer.

Barack Obama campaigned against those practices, said Cheney, "and now he's making some choices that in my mind will raise the risk to the American people of another attack."

In your mind?

Like the American people give a rat's ass what you think?

Please, for the love of god, would you go away and never be heard from again.

You are a terrorist, Dick Cheney, plain and simple. And you should be tried for your war crimes.

The Exit Interviews

Oh yeah, that's me, in RED!

WASHINGTON — In a nostalgic final news conference, President George W. Bush defended his record vigorously and at times sentimentally Monday. He also admitted many mistakes, from the "Mission Accomplished" banner during a 2003 Iraq speech to the discovery that the alleged Iraqi weapons of mass destruction that he used to justify war didn't exist.

Many mistakes? How about not really be elected president, no matter what the courts said, those activist judges? How about the mistake that the people of America wanted you as their president when the majority of the people of America voted for Al Gore?
Mistakes?
Pfffffft.

After starting what he called "the ultimate exit interview" with a lengthy and personalized thank-you to the reporters in the room who have covered him over the eight years of his presidency, Bush showed anger at times when presented with some of the main criticisms of his time in office.

He particularly became indignant when asked about America's bruised image overseas.
"I disagree with this assessment that, you know, that people view America in a dim light," he said.

That's because you're a dim bulb, W. Your war in Iraq, you remember, the one you started to find bin Laden, the one you said was because Saddam Hussein had WMD, the one you said you started because you wanted to rid the world of Hussein? That war? The rest of the world knew you were wrong, lying, deceitful, and they still think that. You don't believe me, have someone Google worldwide response to Obama's election victory and see how the rest of the world celebrated him. Look familiar? I didn't think so.

Bush said he realizes that some issues such as the prison for suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have created controversy at home and around the world. But he defended his actions after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, including approving tough interrogation methods for suspected terrorists and information-gathering efforts at home in the name of protecting the country.

Interrogation is one thing, W, torture is something completely different. And we are not supposed to be that guy; we are supposed to be the good guy. You could have protected us, without the torture.
With the Iraq war in its sixth year, he most aggressively defended his decisions on that issue, which will define his presidency like no other. There have been over 4,000 U.S. deaths since the invasion and toppling of Saddam Hussein in 2003.

Four-thousand American deaths, W; let's not forget the hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi men, women and children killed since your war on terror, against the Axis of Evil, began. And let's not forget the wounded, missing limbs, traumatized for life because of your quest for power.
Four-thousand Americans dead. More than the number who died on 9/11.
He said that "not finding weapons of mass destruction was a significant disappointment." The accusation that Saddam had and was pursuing weapons of mass destruction was Bush's main initial justification for going to war.

WMD. He had 'em. He could make 'em. He was hiding 'em. One lie after another fed to the public to win support for your war. One more lie on the heap of lies you've given us over the last eight years.

Bush admitted another miscalculation: Eager to report quick progress after U.S. troops ousted Saddam's government, he claimed less than two months after the war started that "in the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed," a claim made under a "Mission Accomplished" banner that turned out to be wildly optimistic. "Clearly, putting `Mission Accomplished' on an aircraft carrier was a mistake," he said Monday.

I remember laughing at Mission Accomplished, like you thought you were Tom Cruise, or Mighty Mouse, or some such nonsense. And here we are nine years later and still fighting a war you declared won in 2003.
How stupid you must feel now.
If you feel anything at all.

He also defended his decision in 2007 to send an additional 30,000 American troops to Iraq to knock down violence levels and stabilize life there.
"The question is, in the long run, will this democracy survive, and that's going to be a question for future presidents," he said.

So, let me reread some of this stuff. We went to Iraq because it was a hotbed of terrorist training camps, because Hussein had WMD, wanted WMD could make WMD, or because he was a bad guy. Then you say we won; the mission accomplished.
Four years later you send another 30,000 soldiers into a country where the war had already been won. I wonder if the families of our soldiers loved your decision; I am sure most accepted it, because that's what you do in the military: follow orders.
Even when the orders are coming from a tiny little man.
And you've left this mess for future presidents.
Talk about Cut-and-Run.
On another issue destined to figure prominently in his legacy, Bush said he disagrees with those who say the federal response to Hurricane Katrina was slow.
"Don't tell me the federal response was slow when there were 30,000 people pulled off roofs right after the storm passed. ... Could things been done better? Absolutely. But when I hear people say the federal response was slow, what are they going to say to those chopper drivers or the 30,000 who got pulled off the roof?" he said.

The response was slow, W.
You couldn't even be bothered with the situation on the day of the storm; you were in California getting a guitar from somebody. You didn't even tour the area until days later, from the air.
How brave of you, W; what an example of leadership.
And you keep bringing up the 30,000 pulled off roofs. What about the hundred thousand other folks left with nothing, with no hope, no help?
What about them, W?

He called President-elect Barack Obama "a smart, engaging person" and said he wishes his successor all the best. He hinted at the enormous responsibility Obama is about to assume, describing what it might feel like on Jan. 20 when, after taking the oath of office, he enters the Oval Office for the first time as president.
"There'll be a moment when the responsibility of the president lands squarely on his shoulders," Bush said.

The responsibility that lands on Obama's shoulders on January 20 will be felt by Obama; unlike you, he is concerned for America, all of America, not just "his base" of the elite, the wealthy, those who profit from war and hurricane.
He can shoulder the burden you couldn't or wouldn't, W.
He can give America the one thing you never could:
Hope.

He gave his view of the most urgent priority facing the incoming president: an attack on the United States. He chose that risk over the dire economic problems now facing the nation.
"I wish that I could report that's not the case, but there's still an enemy out there that would like to inflict damage on America _ on Americans."

I am so tired of all the people who said he's kept us safe since 9/11. Just because we weren't attacked, doesn't mean he protected us; it means we weren't attacked. Remember, the last bombing of the WTC was in 1993; it was eight years before bin Laden could mount another attack.
Safe.
Sorry is more like it.

He said he would ask Congress to release the remaining $350 billion in Wall Street bailout money if Obama so desires. But, he said, Obama hasn't made that request of him yet.
If Bush should make the request of Congress, it would take the burden off Obama's shoulders involving a program that is extraordinarily unpopular with many lawmakers and much of the public.
But, said Bush, "He hasn't asked me to make the request yet and I don't intend to make the request unless he asks me."

So, you're the President, and you thing releasing these billions is what's needed, but you won't do it unless Obama asks?
I thought you were still President?
Just like the rest of your term, you don't do anything until someone asks, or tells you to do so.
The last time the president had taken questions from reporters in a public setting was Dec. 14 in Baghdad, a session that hurtled to the top of the news when Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi threw his shoes at Bush during a question-and-answer session with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.

Sadly, no footwear was thrown this time.
The only thing being thrown was the W bullshit.

Bush's last full-blown, formal news conference was July 15. He refused to hold another during the final months of last year's presidential campaign, concerned that the questions would be mostly related to political events and wanting to stay out of GOP nominee John McCain's spotlight. But even though aides had suggested that would change after the election, Bush still declined to participate in a wide-ranging question-and-answer session until now, just eight days before leaving office.
He has been granting a flurry of legacy-focused interviews as he seeks to shape the view of his presidency on his way out the door.

Thank god his publicity tour is nearly over.
My hope is that, as of January 20, Bush goers back to Crawford and stays there. My hope is that we don't hear from him again. My hope is that no one buys into his idea that his presidency will be seen as one of the greatest.
My hope is less W and more hope.