The Funny Papers

John Cole, David Horsey, Clay Bennett, Steve Benson, Nate Beeler, Jim Morin

Random Musings

So, the Senate Republicans, lead by Mitch McTurtle, are saying they won’t  even allow a committee hearing on President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee no matter who that nominee might be because Obama is a Black man and he’s got no business telling racist Republicans what to do.

Okay, maybe that last part is what I said but I believe it to be true. But the Republicans don’t even care who the nominee is, even if it might be Nevada’s Republican Governor Brian Sandoval.

So, MoveOn has found a slew of Republicans who disagree with McTurtles and The Asshats — such as Senators Mark Kirk and Susan Collins and former Republican Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor — oh, and one more: the Messiah of the GOP, that Saint of All Republicans, Ronald Reagan:

Snap.

So, former failed — twice — GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney, who has endorsed Marco Rubio’s bid, is now speculating that Donald Trump might be deliberately concealing information about his net worth, his donation habits and his taxes.

Pot.Kettle.Black. It was just eight years ago that Romney tried to hide his wealth and minute tax bill from America and now he’s trying to use it against [t]Rump.

Why not simply say Donald [t]Rump is a bully and a moron and a loser? Keep the message simple.

I’m of two minds about this court order that Apple  must create a way to break into the San Bernardino terrorist’s iPhone.

First off, I don’t believe for one minute that Apple doesn’t already know how to do this, and

Secondly, how stupid does our government look that they can’t do it?

I mean, I bet there’s an eight-year-old in China right now who can do it …

Over there to Kentucky, the state Senate has approved a bill that creates different marriage license forms for gay and straight couples, with one Republican senator saying a form that does not include the words "bride" and "groom" is disrespectful to traditional families.

Yup, because Billy Bob and his cousin Betty Sue cannot sign a paper with the words “bride” and “groom” on ;’em, means they’re being discriminated against.

STFU Kentucky.

Bates Motel starts back again next week in all its creepy, incestuous, murdering ways … and promises much more of the same. In case you were wondering …

Oh and not too far behind is Showtime's Penny Dreadful, which is anything but ...

Carlos, wandering through the living room while I am glued to CNN: What are they talking about?

Bob: Huh? What? I don’t know?

Carlos: You don’t know? You’re staring at the TV like you wanna crawl inside …

Bob: Huh?

On CNN, pundit Van Jones. ‘Nuff said; and I still don’t know what they were talking about.

Future failed presidential candidate, Republican John Kasich says he rejects anti-LGBT discrimination by Christian-owned businesses though churches that discriminate are just fine with him:

“I think frankly, our churches should not be forced to do anything that’s not consistent with them. But if you’re a cupcake maker and somebody wants a cupcake, make them a cupcake. Let’s not have a big lawsuit or argument over all this stuff. Move on. The next thing, you know, they might be saying if you’re divorced you shouldn’t get a cupcake.”

But … before y’all get your rainbow flags out and think about marching behind Kasich, remembver5 he’s the Ohio governor who just last week cut funding to Planned Parenthood.

Yeah, he’s an asshat, too.

Can I Get An Amen: Patti LuPone v iPhones

In the interests of being completely transparent: I love Patti LuPone. I love her singing, I love her acting, I love her sense of humor … I love her diva-liciousness.

As part of a Random Musing from last week — it’s HERE — I told a story of LuPone stopping a Broadway show cold because someone in the audience was on their cell phone during the performance. And right after posting that story, I read that it happened again and that Patti went diva again!

During a recent performance of Shows for Days at Lincoln Center in New York, Patti saw a woman in the audience using her phone during the shoe and this time she didn’t stop the show and demand that the offensive monster be removed, she took control of the situation in her own hands … by snatching the phone out of the audience member's hand.

And lest anyone think this might be a myth from the Great white Way or even some Urban Legend, let’s have Patti explain:

"We work hard on stage to create a world that is being totally destroyed by a few, rude, self-absorbed and inconsiderate audience members who are controlled by their phones. They cannot put them down. When a phone goes off or when a LED screen can be seen in the dark it ruins the experience for everyone else – the majority of the audience at that performance and the actors on stage. I am so defeated by this issue that I seriously question whether I want to work on stage anymore. Now I’m putting battle gear on over my costume to marshall the audience as well as perform."

Do not, repeat, do not cross La LuPone.

Gosh, I love her!

photo source

Sunday Funnies