New Year's Memes ... with Special Appearances By ...

Bobservations

For this episode of Tales of Carlos I need to refresh your memories of his first baseball game. When we lived in Miami, Carlos’ boss took the entire staff and their spouses and significant others to a Marlins baseball game. I was excited because, as a kid, we often went to see the Giants play the Dodgers—Dad was a Dodgers fan—or see the Oakland A’s play, but Carlos had never been to a baseball game.

We’re at the stadium and—I forget who the Marlins were playing—the Marlins had the first at bat; three outs and the other team was up, and they had three outs and the first inning was over. Carlos stood up, stretched his legs and said:

“Great game.”

“Sweetie, it’s not over yet.”

“But both sides had a turn.”

A discussion of innings and the idea that there would be at least nine of them ensued. Now, cut to Tuesday morning, this week, and there was a news story on about a rapper and Carlos says:

“Pete Rose, the baseball player?”

“How do YOU know Pete Rose?” [And let's not even dive into why Carlos thought Pete Rose was a rapper]

“It’s a famous name.”

"But how do YOU know he was a baseball player?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know innings.”

The man slays even when he’s not trying.

This Tuxedo Says is from April 22, 2021: Tuxedo is also overjoyed at the idea that, somewhere in Mar-a-Lago, Thing #45 is throwing an epic hissy fit.

And it’s stunning to see that, no matter how things change, history repeats:

I don’t know who came up with this idea, but whoever thought of having cakes on cakes is an absolute genius!

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t pay six bucks to see Lionel Richie in concert but if I paid six hundred dollars to see him and all I got was an hourlong interview of Richie with Robin Roberts talking about his new book, I’d be in jail about now. But that happened this week when fans … seriously? … showed up at a Times Square concert venue for “Truly: An Evening of Lionel Richie and Friends.”

And now they are clamoring for their coins back … y’all should’a asked me first, I’d charge you just sixty bucks apiece to listen to me.

Sidenote: yes, the poster for the event says, “In conversation on his memoir,” but his Vegas residency is also called “Truly: An Evening of Lionel Richie and Friends” so I understand the confusion.

But again, they wanted 600 bucks a person to hear him talk?

The same guy telling pregnant women to 'tough it out' has been complaining about climbing one flight of stairs now for three days straight.

I have been painting the sunroom for the past few days. I was just going to do the ceiling since we had the skylights removed but then I decided I didn’t like the yellow walls so I'm switching that up.

But Rosita and Consuelo have been loving having the room all to themselves and taking advantage of the warm tile floors on these cool mornings. And while Consuelo looks like a lady enjoying the sun, Rosie sprawls out like a drunken whore quite well.

Apparently GOP tool Derrick Van Orden wants California Governor Gavin Newsom arrested for saying Stephen Miller is a fascist but … and this is for the people in the back:

STEPHEN MILLER IS A FASCIST.

PS I found this photo online … has Miller had work done?

Stevan Miladinovic is from Serbia and has a master’s degree in industrial engineering but has been living in Miami and Thailand as a model of late … so Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

The other night as we watched the news there were reports that The Felon wants these large retailers to “eat the tariffs,” meaning earn less in profits because that’s good business. I ranted; I raged; and then I did a glorious spit-take when Carlos said:

“Eat the carrots? What does that even mean?”

Goddess, that man slays.

Sidenote: this is what will happen, a retailer imports, say, a doll. The doll costs them $5 but they mark it up to $10 for a nice profit; tariffs enter the picture and now the doll will cost the retailer $20 or more, so they mark it up to $30 to make their profit.

Then, when tariffs end and the doll goes back to costing $5 the retailer will lower the price of the doll to $20 and tell us how they are saving us money while making a larger profit.

Eat the rich.

This Tuxedo Says is from October 22, 2020, and is as relevant today as it was then … so cast a  goddamned vote … don’t piss off The Great Tuxedo.

I never go to Homo Depot anymore because of their anti-DEI stance; they aren’t loud about it, but they … shhhhhhhh … quietly erased DEI from their website.

But for this orange I may have to make an exception.

Adriana Smith is a pregnant Georgia woman who was declared brain dead in February but is being kept alive because of that state’s law banning abortion and the woman’s family has zero say in the matter.

This isn’t life, this is state-sanctioned torture.

Police in Slovenia are investigating the disappearance of a bronze statue of First Lady, and nude model, Melanie after the statue was sawed off at the feet and carted away.

The original statue was carved from the trunk of a linden tree but was mysteriously torched and replaced by a replica bronze statue that is now nothing more than shoes and ankles.

Sorry, not sorry.

Consuelo has always been the quiet, shy cat. When she first came to Casa Bob y Carlos over 14 years ago, she was the sweetie and while Tuxedo ran the house with MaxGoldberg as his Lieutenant Consuelo did as she was told.

But now that Max and Tuxedo have ‘left the building,’ Consuelo had decided that maybe she should be running things and so every morning she claws her way up the side of the bed to sit between her two sleeping Daddies and if one of us makes a sound …

Meow … Meow … Meow … Meow … which loosely translates as ‘Get up bitches and feed me.’

Don’t let the sweet face fool you, she’s a terrorist!

Now, the mainstream media, and I’m looking at you Jake Tapper and your new ‘book.’ We all know that Joe Biden is very ill while still active and jovial, but can you just shut the f**k up about his momentary lapses is speech that he made last year or the years before that and focus on that narcissistic gelatinous blob of orange flesh who thinks that … and these are all true … Mattel is a country … thinks he invented the word ‘equalizing’ … wants to annex Canada and Greenland … doesn’t know what he’s signing or what’s going on, … doesn’t care about disaster victims … and has no respect for the rule of law.

Could you do that? Could you please find your balls and your spines and do some legitimate reporting on facts??

After The Felon defunded PBS and basically canceled Sesame Street, Netflix announced it would be airing new episodes of the beloved show.

Perhaps when The Felon is finished with his McD’s Kid’s meal, and before he is put down for his nap, he might watch the show and learn something. Or is that asking for too much?

Ponder this ... in America in 2025, if you are caught protesting for Palestine, the government will say you are supporting Hamas but if you are the so-called president you can be gifted a $400,000,000 jet from a country that actually does financially support Hamas the GOP won’t say a word.

Chand Smith is a thirty-five-year-old model and actor from Stockholm, Sweden so the obvious question is … Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

So, in our exciting lives, we had the gutters replaced and the next project is to remove the two skylights in the sunroom as one leaks in a bad storm—and you can’t really ever totally fix that—and one has a broken seal. And as the sunroom has windows at the top of the vaulted ceiling and is surrounded by four sets of sliding doors, we don’t need the extra glass.

So, our contractor Craig came by to talk about it and Carlos met him in the yard. As I entered our living room I saw Carlos and Craig standing outside the sunroom on the deck. Carlos wanted me to come outside so he knocked on the glass.

Not a knock-knock, or knock-knock-knock but a literal knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock until I came to the door dropping a series of F-bombs along the way. I opened the slider:

“What?”

“Carig was talking about the roof.”

“And you felt the need to knock a thousand times?”

“I didn’t know if you heard.”

“Oh, I heard and I planned your death several times while walking toward the door.”

And then Craig chimed in:

“If I wanted to listen to two bitches bicker I would have stayed home and had a second cup of coffee with my wife.”

I never knew Craig was so funny. It made our day!

Tuxedo takes after his daddy because, as he notes, if you want to effect change: CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE! 

Again, the smartest cat ever!

Just the idea of walking down a beach and finding double-decker cakes on display! Yeeeeeee-haw!

I have several irrational fears … claustrophobia … being buried alive … trapped in the rubble of a tornado devastated home … sinkholes ... and a fear of heights.

I love being up high; love tall buildings with walls and railings to keep me from tumbling over; but looking over the edge of a cliff, or for the love of the goddess standing, on a steel I-beam during construction of a high rise? Bitch, please.

So I had seen photos of the construction workers in the 30s taking their lunch breaks sitting on an I-beam at the top of the Chrysler building and  just this week I saw this:

My knees are still quivering.

Consuelo is making a rare appearance this week looking like a perfect angel.

A perfect angel who woke me at 6:15AM to feed her … which I did … and then when Other Daddy crawled out of bed at 7:15AM she told him that she hadn’t been fed and was starving.

Evil little bitch.

So The Felon’s DOJ wants Luigi Mangione given the Death Penalty for the murder of Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare.

Huh; murder a rich CEO and get capital punishment, but murder thousands of regular working-class people to save a few coins on insurance and that’s just business.

Yesterday morning over breakfast, with the news on, I was surprised to learn that Val Kilmer had passed away and said to Carlos:

“Val Kilmer died.”

“Donna Summer died?”

“Yes she did, about ten years ago at least, but this is Val Kilmer.”

“Oh, Val Kilmer.”

Like he knew another Kilmer? Oy.

Asshatted MAGAt Maggot, Indiana GOP Senator Jim Banks told a recently fired HHS worker that he deserved to get fired because he was a clown for asking about getting fired. Then this motherfucker doubled down:

“I won’t apologize for speaking the truth. I 100% support [The Felon] and DOGE’s mission to cut woke spending and government waste.”

Huh, so he doesn’t care about people losing their jobs and is anti-government waste. It makes me wonder about all the wasteful spending done by The Felon to play golf every week. I’m sure Maggot Banks has no issue there so let’s see how Indianans feel come election time and fire this fuck monkey.

Josh Upshaw is a familiar face in Italian Vogue, the CR Fashion Book, and W, as well as working with Steven Meisel for a Versace campaign but Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Meanwhile, back in Savannah … we celebrated my birthday while in Savannah with a nice meal and some good drinks at the Fitzroy, but Carlos kept asking me what I wanted and I kept saying:

“I already have my gift, some time away with you.”

But he kept on and kept on and kept on as we walked through town one day and then we spied a shop I thought he’d like: a Scottish shop.

Inside we went and looked around and chatted with the shopkeeper and after a time Carlos found a gift.

He bought himself a kilt. For my birthday. Of course, I was fine with it; we had a vacation away without family and hospitals and wills and such, and that was gift enough. But you know I rode that, as Carlos would say, Guilt Ride all day muttering about how it was my birthday and all I got was my husband buying himself a present.

And that, the little torture of Carlos, was also a gift.

This Tuxedo Says comes to us from the midst of the COVID-19 Pandemic, July 2020:

Like his two Daddies, Tuxedo is completely over the Covid-19 Hoax bull shiz ….

As seen on FakeBook:

How many MAGAts does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The Felon tells them it's fixed and they sit in the dark clapping.

After performing at the Grammys, Janelle Monáe took the mic at an after party and, in a freestyle, called out rapper Nelly for performing at The Felon’s inauguration:

“You sold out!”

Nelly was in the room, so Janelle said that to his face. You go Janelle!

GOP Congresswoman Mary Miller 'refused to deny biological reality' since The Felon decreed there are only two genders so she addressed Sarah McBride—the first transgender member of Congress—like this:

“The chair recognizes the gentleman from Delaware, Mr. McBride, for five minutes.”

McBride ignored Miller's hate speech but fellow Democrat, Nanette Barragán of California, was next to speak and when Mary Miller yielded the floor Barragán:

"Thank you, Mr. Speaker."

If you’d like to tell Mary Miller she’s a hate-filled C U Next Tuesday, here is her DC address and phone number:

1740 Longworth House Office Building

Washington, DC  20515

(202) 225-5271

Isn’t it ironic that Marco Rubio's parents fled a fascist dictator in Cuba only to have Little Marco serve a fascist dictator in America?

They must be so proud.

The Washington D.C. Superior Court has awarded the Metropolitan African Methodist Episcopal Church control over the Proud Boys trademark after the far-right group defaulted on a $2.8 million judgment.

The ruling grants trademark rights to the hate group’s name and bars the Proud Boys from selling any merchandise with its name or symbols without the church’s consent. The ruling also allows the church to seize any money made from selling the merch.

The Proud Boys are whining like Little Bitches.

Consuelo seems to get a cold or flu every winter and every winter we take her to the vet for it. She starts sneezing and will sneeze ten-to-twenty times in a row and then will cough like a demon. I told our vet that it sounds like a smoker’s hack but I haven’t let Consuelo smoke for years now.

I got a look.

Update: Consuelo is on antibiotics for a week and her other tests, including a Senior Wellness check because she’s 13 now, all came back good news. It just that pesky smoker’s cough.

Georgia GOP Representative Buddy Carter has announced new legislation to bolster The Felon’s efforts to take over Greenland, which he wants to rename “Red, White and Blueland.”

The GOP is really that dumb.

Speaking of Dumb Republicans, howsabout those MAGAts who say they voted for The Felon because he was going to eliminate wasteful government spending and then charged We The People $15,000,000 so he could go to a football game and leave at halftime?

Tobias Reuter has been the face, and body, of campaigns for renowned brands like Armani, Dior, Dior, D&G, Swarovski, YSL, and more but … Would You Hit It.