Bobservations

Last night around 11PM I say to Carlos:

“I’m tired, I’m going to bed now.”

“I’m going to read for a bit longer.”

“All right. Night. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I go to bed and I’m out like a light until I get nudged:

“Did I tell you about my meeting today?”

“No, but—”

And he proceeds to tell me every detail of his meeting. When he finished, I again say how tired I am and am going to sleep, and again, after a bit I get nudged awake:

“I was talking to Ellen today …”

And he gives me a word-by-word replay of their conversation until I realize it’s now midnight and I say:

“Please, can I just get some sleep?”

“Oh sorry, night sweetie.”

And then I hear:

“How would you like to have dinner with some friends on Saturday night?”

“Can this wait?”

“Well, I mean, we didn’t get a chance to have dinner for my birthday last week and I was—”

“I guess the dinner and drinks and desert we had at Masa last Tuesday night ON YOUR BIRTHDAY don’t count?”

“Oh, I forgot.”

The worst part of this story is that we both had the day off and he’d had all day to tell me his stories but waited until I’m asleep. But hen, maybe he thought it would be the only time I had my yap closed?

This Tuxedo Tale, from April 2009 is one of many of Tuxedo enjoying his life:

Yup, that's how it's done!

You’d think that a guy who claims to have aced so many cognitive tests would know the difference between a doctor and the Messiah.

Ben Affleck has reportedly gifted his ex-wife Jennifer Lopez his entire share of their $60 million mansion for free. The former couple modified their property settlement agreement, which shows a “transfer of property among spouses” and I have two thoughts:

1] This is how JLo makes all her money, and …

B] Ben Affleck gave up $30 million to have JLO out of his life.

That’s all.

Following Cankles now-deleted image of him as Jesus, Nancy Pelosi was asked what she thought:

“You’d have to ask a psychiatrist, because it’s not worth a conversation, but it’s worthy of a diagnosis.”

Score again for Pelosi v Cankles.

After many late nights at the State Capitol to finish out the 2024 session the Georgia legislature successfully defeated ALL anti-LGBTQ+ legislation.

Yes, they stopped nearly 20 anti-LGBTQ+ bills with the help of the people of Georgia who called their representatives to make their voices heard and ended:

SB 88: a ‘don’t say gay’ bill targeting LGBTQ+ topics in schools

HB 1045: a forced outing bill against students

HB 1128: a bill to redefine “sex” to exclude trans identities

SB 141 and 519: bills to further restrict access to gender-affirming care

HB 936 and 836: bathroom bans targeting trans students

SB 438: a ban on trans students participating in sports

SB 180 ‘RFRA’: a license to discriminate on the basis of religion

HB 1140: a surprise amendment to ban trans participation from school sports and use of correct restrooms

HB 1170: a surprise amendment to restrict access to medical care for trans youth

This is the Resistance at work and proves that when we act as one and stand against hate, we win.

Cast a Goddamned Vote!

That’s the Tweet put out by Professional Grifting Grieving Widow Erika Kirk about her joint event with her future ex-husband JD CouchFucker Vance in Athens Georgia today. She claims her security detail said there was a "credible threat."

Yeah, a "credible threat" no one showing up for these two MAGAts and so Erika decided to stay home.

Elliot Meeten is a UK-based model who was scouted while having his hair cut when he was 17 and now at 27 the question is, Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

This Tuxedo memory—from February 2019—also doubles as a Tales of Carlos Post:

In our house we have four pets … MaxGoldberg, Tuxedo, Consuelo Roca-Jones, and the dog, Ozzo.

As happens with pets, they tend to bond with one of us slightly more than the other. Ozzo is clearly more attached to Carlos, though he loves to sit with me in the office while I play on the computer. MaxGoldberg, though, likes us equally, and will run back and forth between our laps, never quite sure who he wants to sit with for long.

Now, Tuxedo is mine; he bonded with me first and he’s always been ‘my boy.’ And Carlos sometimes gets jealous of how Tuxedo comes when I call him, and how Tuxedo follows me around the house, and how Tuxedo will sleep on top of me.

Cut to the other night when I walked in the living room and found Tuxedo curled up in Carlos’ lap, fast asleep. Carlos bragged:

“I think he likes me better now.”

I took a seat …

“Don’t bet on it.”

The second my ass hit the chair, Tuxedo was up and walking across  the side table to curl up in my lap and fall asleep. Carlos muttered …

“Stupid cat.”

“Honey, you were just a place card until his real daddy came into the room.”

“Stupid cat.”

It’s gonna get ugly when Carlos finds out that Consuelo, who hates to be held, has been sitting with me at night, sleeping in my lap.

PS Consuelo, never a fan of being held, still sits in my lap on occasion, but shakes her head at Carlos and walks away!

Failed criminal Congressman, and failed drag queen, George Santos, AKA Kitara Ravache, pleaded guilty to wire fraud and aggravated identity theft.

He cried outside as he faux-pologized, possibly because he faces more than six years in prison and owes at least $370,000 in restitution. He’s just a low-rent, back-alley version of The Felon, and a typical ReTHUGlican.

It’s official, the Greatest love Story Never Told is over … on the second anniversary of their marriage JLo filed for divorce from Ben Affleck. Lovely that she chose their wedding anniversary to signal the end of the marriage, but nothing new because last week, on Affleck’s birthday, she posted pictures of the birthday party she threw herself last month.

In Jello’s world it’s all about Jello.

PS Carlos has always called JLo ‘Jello,’ and it always gives me the giggles.

I can smell the desperation from here … independent presidential candidate loon Robert F. Kennedy Jr. wanted to meet with Democratic nominee Kamala Harris to discuss the possibility of serving in her administration if he throws his support behind her campaign and she wins.

Harris was a hard pass.

This meeting came on the heels of independent presidential candidate loon Robert F. Kennedy Jr. meeting with thrice-married adulterer, racist, rapist, con artist, traitor, The Felon, to discuss the possibility of serving in his administration if he throws his support behind The Felon’s campaign and he wins.

Seriously. Loon.

I could be wrong but this clearly looks like someone wants cakes for lunch and I really cannot blame him.

A new poll suggests The Felon’s vice-presidential nominee JD Vance is less popular than ... wait for it ... Sarah Palin. Yup, according to FiveThirtyEight's polling tracker, Vance's net favorability/unfavorability rating has dropped from -3 points in July to -9.5 points today; 33.2 % of voters hold a favorable opinion of Vance AKA Sofa Loren while 44.2% hold an unfavorable opinion.

Sarah Palin, on the other hand, peaked +21 favorability in August 2008 before plummeting by 23% … still higher that JD.

I guess he can’t see the White House from his house.

The crowd at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago broke into loud chants of “lock him up” after former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton assailed The Felon and his legal woes. It was a new spin on “lock her up” that The Felon endorsed while running against Clinton in 2016.

Clinton did not respond to the chants and tried talking over the crowd but as the commotion gathered strength, she stood at the podium silently, smiling and nodding until the audience quieted down.

Fact: Hillary has done nothing wrong, been convicted of nothing, so locking her up is sort of an idiotic thing to say while The Felon on the other hand …

Lock him up.

Marc Buckner is a South African Instagram star best known for his modeling content and also appeared on The Bachelor South Africa but the real deal is: Would You Hit It? 

Snarky Thoughts

Tori Spelling has been seen wearing an eye patch and wandering the streets of LA looking for paparazzi to snap a photo of her, ahem, injury. Now, if you’re like me, you’d think maybe it was a chemical peel too close to the eye, or a Botox overdose, but, no, it’s more Tori than that. Spelling says she has an ulcer on her eyeball from wearing, daily disposable contacts for too long.

My Thought: Tori Spelling doesn’t know what “daily disposable” means. Tori Spelling is dumb.

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Skip Judy Garland! Back Off Babs Streisand! Step Off Springsteen! Adios Madge! According to Ben Affleck, there’s a new “greatest performer in the history of the world,” and it’s his wife, Jennifer Lopez. Yes, Ben shared his completely unasked for opinion on the podcast Smartless, hosted by Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman, who Ben worked with on the new Nike movie, Air, and when Jason asked Ben if he knew all of JLo’s music, and Ben replied that, yes, not only does he know all her music, he loves it, and “it’s brilliant.”

My Thought: Alcohol really does affect the brain. And the ears. And the sense of taste. And let me ask you this: isn’t that the face of a man who thinks his wife is the greatest entertainer ever?

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Tom Cruise has stopped sending Brooke Shields a cake each Christmas — but she doesn’t know “what happened.” Shields says that she was “on the list for a while” and “had a good 10-year run” getting the $126 Bundt cake that Cruise sends his famous friends for the holidays. But then Brooke got even shadier, laughing about Cruise cutting his ex-wife Katie Holmes and  daughter, Suri, from his Christmas card.

“It was from them and Suri, so it was the three of them, and then soon it was no Suri and no Katie and just Tom. Then it went from just Tom for a while, but not every holiday. And then the cake stopped.”

Brooke doesn’t believe the change has nothing to do with her and Cruise’s past feud over her postpartum depression medication. In fact, she was a guest at the Cruise-Holmes wedding and her daughter and their daughter had a joint birthday one year.

My Thought: Tom Cruise is a tiny man, in every way possible.

PS Tom erased Suri because she's considered a Suppressive Person in the Cult of $cientology and he can have nothing to do with her.

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Ana Obregón, a 68-year-old Spanish actress has caused a ton of controversy after using her late son’s sperm and a surrogate to give birth to her granddaughter. Last week, Ana was seen outside a Miami hospital holding a newborn baby she named Ana Sandra Lequio Obregón. People assumed the baby was Ana’s daughter and ridiculed her use of a surrogate at her age—surrogacy is actually banned in Spain, where many refer to it as “womb renting.” 

My Thought: What will Baby Ana call Ana Obregón? MamaGrandMama?

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Speaking of escándalo … Steven Tyler is denying allegations that he sexually assaulted a 16-year-old in 1973 and then forced her to get an abortion. Tyler recently filed a lengthy response to the claims, which were made in a December 2022 lawsuit, arguing that Julia Misley, formerly known as Julia Holcomb, consented to their sexual relationship and that he had immunity as her legal guardian at the time. He says her parents liked him so much they made him their child's guardian so he wouldn’t be arrested traveling across state lines with a child.

My thought: He had sex with a sixteen-year-old girl when he was twenty-five but says it was fine because she consented and he was her guardian at the time?

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Let’s talk actor Lukas Gage—The White Lotus season 1, You season 4 and the next season of Fargo—getting engaged to Kim Kardastrophe and JLo’s hairstylist Chris Appleton. Lukas and Chris went Instagram official—that’s how it’s done these days—in February and shortly after that Chris took to the talk show circuit telling Drew Barrymore  that he’s “very happy and very much in love,” while Lukas ran over to Today, saying, “I feel very happy, very lucky and very much in love.” And then just last week the pair went ring shopping together after dating for like a second two seconds.

My Thought: The marriage will take place quickly, so that the divorce can happen right before Emmy season and Luke can use the Red Carpet to talk breakup. Okay, call me a cynic, but don’t forget about other celebrity couples who met at lunch, got engaged over dinner and divorced before the dessert came; think Kim and Kris; Khloe and Lamar; Tom and Katie; Pamela Anderson and almost all of her husbands.

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Snarky Thoughts

We never hear from Jewel, not that I’m complaining, but when we do, it’s huge. It seems Jewel claims her own mother embezzled some $100 million from the singer when she was Jewel’s manager, and now Jewel is some $3 million in debt.

My Thought: How did Jewel make a $100 million??

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Apparently sometime last year 90s boy bander and Love Is Blind host Nick Lachey accosted a paparazzo and has now been ordered to attend anger management classes and Alcoholics Anonymous. It all happened when Nick and his wife Vanessa were leaving Mastro’s steakhouse in Beverly Hills and Nick noticed female paparazzo Jody Santos taking photos of the couple and drunkenly started flipping her off before walking up to her and trying to steal her phone.

My Thought: Hasn’t Nick Lachey been over for a while, so was he trying to beat up a photographer for taking his picture or for not knowing who he was?

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Gwyneth Paltrow is in court this week; no, not for her vagina candle, or her over-priced golden dildoes, or even for her loopy, goopy medical advice. It all began back in 2016 when Gwynnie collided with 76-year-old Terry Sanderson on a ski slope in Park City, Utah. Sanderson is now suing Paltrow for $3.1 million for the ribs he broke and the brain injury he suffered after her bony body crashed into him.

My Thought: Don’t ask for cash in the suit; ask that you get the Oscar that Harvey Weinstein bought her for Shakespeare In Love.

PS That trifecta of photos of Paltrow up there, taken inside the courtroom, show that she can’t decide if she’s constipated, having a good time, or terrified of being in a room with commoners.

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So the question on everyone’s mind is where in the world does Everything Everywhere All At Once Oscar winner Jamie Lee Curtis keep her award?? Jamie Lee, who has also announced that her Oscar uses the pronouns they and them—I can see Large Marge’s head splitting open as I typed that—she also said she keeps it on a shelf next to her SAG Award for EEAAO and her EEAAO character’s fictional butt plug-shaped award for “Auditor of the Month.”

My Thought: How past Academy Award winners have used their Oscar as a Butt Plug?? Just sayin’.

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During a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter  Ben Affleck spewed some nonsense about how he had a good time with his current wife, JLo, at the Grammys earlier this year, despite the sourpuss he wore all night. But even more ridiculous was when Ben said the comment he made about his previous wife, Jennifer Garner, that if he were still married to her, he’d probably still be married to the bottle too wasn’t very nice.

My Thought: It doesn’t look like his stint at rehab didn’t take if he blames his ex-wife for him being a drunk.

My Other Thought: If that’s Ben having fun, I’d hate to see him miserable.

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Snarky Thoughts

Mismatch. I mean, we all knew Ben Affleck and JLo were two very different people. She’s a thirst queen, media whore who never saw a spotlight she didn't want trained on her face, or ass,  and he’s a quiet recovering alcoholic who seems to shy away from the spotlight. But what might have seemed like a good coupling on paper might not actually work in real life, like when Mr. and Mrs. Affleck attended the Grammys and JLo jumped in front of a camera to present an award while Ben pivoted at their table. And while she danced and sang along with each act, Ben looked like a husband who worked all day and came home to crack a bottle of scotch and sit in the La-Z-Boy until he falls sleep.

My Thought: The Misery is real and the sell-by date on this marriage is getting closer every day.

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Did you ever think Chris Brown would ever do the right thing or, failing that, act like a decent human being? Short answer: No. At last week’s Grammys his album, Breezy (Deluxe) was nominated for Best R&B Album but he lost to Robert Glasper for his album, Black Radio III. And Chrissy brought the Breezy Bratty out after his loss and sped over to Instagram to come for Glasper. Chrissy’s been nominated for 20 Grammys but has just one win and felt robbed, robbed I say, by this latest loss and tried to rip Glasper a new one; sidenote: Robert Glasper has been nominated 12 times and has five trophies and is really what set Brownie off:

“BRO WHO THE F**K IS THIS? YALL PLAYING  WHO DA F**K IS THIS? WH THE F**K IS ROBERT GLASPER.”

I’m hoping it’s someone who can at least string together a coherent sentence, but then Twitter came for Brownie so I could sit this one out:

“Chris Brown not knowing who Robert Glasper is… is the reason all of Chris Brown songs sound the same.”

“Chris Brown has 20 nominations and 1 win. He taking out his frustrations on Robert Glasper but them 19 Ls are the real enemy.”

“The irony of Chris Brown not knowing who Robert Glasper is that he’d probably have at least two Grammys instead of one if he worked with Robert Glasper. Instead, he’s been doing the same Doublemint Gum steps since ‘ever.”

My Thought: If they were giving Grammys for felony convictions Chris Brown would have been a shoe-in over Glasper.

Extra Extra! After seeing that he’d made an epic ass of himself AGAIN, Brownie went back to social media to faux-pologize but only played the Petty Betty card harder:

“Congratulations my brother. I would like to apologize if you took offense to my reaction at the Grammys. After doing my research I actually think your [sic] amazing. THE ORGANIZATION ISNT DOING US BLACKS OUR DUE DILIGENCE. YOU AND I SHOULD never be in the same categor[y] … two totally different vibes and genres.”

Yeah, Brownie, not an apology, and then suggesting Glasper was in the wrong category and you would have won had the academy done the right thing proves the delusions are real.

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The best part of this GOP Congress’ antics is that they  produce ridiculousness rather than giving us anything substantive. Case in point: at a recent hearing about The Twitter the Republicans brought up the fact that a 2019 Tweet by Chrissy Teigen wasn’t removed from the platform after Thing 45 got his Depends in a snit because she called him, um, ahem, “Pussy ass bitch.”

My Thought: That will now and forever be the best part of the Official Congressional Record.

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Philanderers Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes are still going strong after their affair went public and the lovebirds ended up unemployed from the GMA and ABC. But love conquers all, doesn’t it? Or does it become less lovely when you learn that, while they both took the boot, Amy’s boot was a Louboutin compared to T.J.’s full-assed combat boot on his fine ass, since she left with a boatload more cash in her bank account than her lovah.

My Thought: One affair will get you the boot with a nice severance, but being a serial adulterer and using your job as your personal sex pool gets you coins and cab fare.

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Snarky Thoughts

Everyone knows that California is enduring an unbearable heatwave and drought, and that water is a scarce, valuable, resource. Most people in California are abiding by water restrictions, but the same folks that use their private jest to take a ten-minute flight to dinner, are the same folks disabusing the water restrictions. And some of the worst of the lot are Kim Kardastrophe, Kevin Hart, and Sylvester Stallone.

My Thought: it takes a butt-load of water to wash Kimmy’s butt, but Kevin Hart cam swim in a thimble so what’s his excuse. As for Stallone, maybe he’s using a lot of water to bathe the dog his wife is divorcing him over; Google it, it’s real.

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Gary Busey was booked as a celebrity guest at the annual Monster Mania Convention in Cherry Hill, New Jersey recently and was subsequently charged with two counts of fourth-degree criminal sexual contact, one count of criminal attempt/criminal sexual contact and one count of harassment for ALLEGEDLY groping three women at the convention. And then, just a day later, in California, Busey was caught on tape sitting on a bench with his pants down and ALLEGEDLY performing an obscene act.

My Thought: just looking at Busey feels obscene, and even given California’s limited water supply, someone should have come for him with a firehose.

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Last week when JLo and Ben Affleck threw themselves a slave plantation wedding celebration, it appeared that one guest had to be rushed to the hospital. It seems that Ben’s mom, Chris Affleck, fell off his dock and cut her leg.

My Thought: did she fall, or did she jump, in the hopes of ending this travesty sooner rather than later?

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I certainly hope this celebrity marriage doesn’t end in divorce, because breakups always hurt, but when you throw in tattoo removal, it’s downright painful. Brooklyn Beckham recently married Nicola Peltz … I don’t know either … and to commemorate their love he has had 70 tattoos inked into his skin dedicated to his blushing bride.

My Thought: it’ll take an industrial strength laser to clean all that ink up, and the Brooklyn will be walking scar tissue. And the removal will probably take longer than the actual marriage.

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Shaquille O’Neal thinks the Earth is flat because on a recent flight from the US to Australia he says, well, here’s what he said:

“I flew 20 hours today, not once did I go this way [he moved his arm diagonally]. I flew straight.”

He then added that the plane “didn’t tip over” or “go upside down” during the journey. But it’s not just that the Earth is flat, y’all, Shaq doesn’t believe the Earth spins because the water in his pool doesn’t spill out.

My Thought: I never knew basketball to be a full body contact sport, but apparently Shaq took too many balls to the melon.

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Snarky Thoughts

Last month, Joe Jonas welcomed his second daughter with wife Sophie Turner, and we all know babies ain’t cheap … even for a JoBro. So Joe opted for a new gig promoting Xeomin, a Botox alternative that reduces fine lines and wrinkles. 

My Thought: He’s 33 and hawking injectables. I can’t wait to see his ad for adult diapers when he’s 37.

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Remember last week how annoyed Ben Affleck was over the number of paparazzi on his and Jennifer Lopez Affleck’s honeymoon tour? Well, hopefully he’s settled down because the Affleck’s are throwing themselves a 3-day wedding recent at Ben’s Riceboro, Georgia estate this weekend with busloads of guests and a JAf—funny cuz it’s like Jenny as fuck—wedding gown extravaganza with pictures and videos and all kinds of stuff.

My Thought: how soon after this second ‘I do’ will Ben disappear into the house while JAf parties all night on Instagram?

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They say everything old is new again and with Madonna that’s almost true. Everything old is new again except Madonna. See, Madge turned 64 this week and partied like she was dyslexic and thought she was 46. And because the only tricks she has any more are the old ones, she posted two pictures of herself deep throating a couple of gal pals just like she did nearly twenty years ago to Britney and Xtina at the VMA’s. Soooo controversial!

My Thought: Grandma could get arrested if she keeps this up, but then everything old again is Madonna.

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In case we needed further proof that Hollywood is anti-women or that Chris Pratt ... the least interesting of the Chris's ... was a douche, Bryce Dallas Howard revealed that she was paid far less than Pratt Jurassic World. But Bryce actually praised Chris by saying he went to bat for her and “pushed for [me] to receive equal pay on other franchise opportunities that were not already contractually binding, such as spinoff video games and theme-park rides” after she told him the terms of the three-picture contract she signed in 2014.

My Thought: Yeah, he went to bat, but still cashed his giant check. Hey Chris, howsabout saying you won’t do the film unless Bryce Dallas Howard gets the same money as you? I mean, she did all the same stunts, and in heels.

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