The Funny Papers

Gary Huck, Lalo Alcaraz, Trevor Irvin, Robert Unell, Rick McKee, Pedro X Molina, Max Espinoza, Nick Anderson, Ed Wexler, Jack Ohman, Macleod, Mike Stanfill, Michael de Adder, Marc Murphy, Scott Stantis,

I Didn't Say It ...

Barack Obama, greatest president in my lifetime, living rent free in Cankles addled brain, pointing to the 2015 nuclear deal as evidence that Tehran’s program can be constrained without  military intervention:

“We went about trying to negotiate a diplomatic agreement that would get the enriched uranium out of Iran, that would assure they could not get to a nuclear weapon without us knowing about it … and that there were mechanisms in place to enforce it and verify it. And we pulled it off without firing a missile. My basic theory was that Iran couldn’t become a nuclear state, that the regime itself was murderous, oftentimes towards its own people, engaged in state-sponsored terrorism, was a threat to the United States and allies of ours, so the idea that they would have nuclear weapons would be extraordinarily dangerous. What I also believed was that the regime was not entirely irrational, that they had a survival instinct, and that when you carry out the military force, innocent people die. There’s no dispute that it worked, and we didn’t, we didn’t have to kill a whole bunch of people or shut down the Strait of Hormuz.”

The JCPOA [Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action or Iran Nuclear Deal] remained in effect from January 2016 until Cankles unilaterally withdrew the US from the agreement during his first term in 2018 and then started a war in the hopes of getting the exact same deal in 2026.

Obama did the same deal years earlier and no one died and gas prices didn’t nearly double.

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Terri Sewall, Democrat Representative from Alabama, on the state’s Republican passage of legislation to erase Black voters:

“This is a dark day for the State of Alabama. The Foot Soldiers of the Civil Rights Movement fought, bled, and died to overturn Jim Crow in the South and secure Black representation in government.. Today, Republicans in the Alabama State house passed legislation to erase their legacy and suppress the voices of Black Alabamians. To be clear, the State of Alabama remains under a federal court injunction which prevents the state from redistricting until 2030. The Supreme Court has yet to rule on lifting the injunction, However, Alabama Republicans’ rush to suppress Black representation while the injunction remains demonstrates the dire need for federal protections for minority voters.”

This week in Tennessee, the GOP in the State House removed all Democrats and all Black members of the Congress from their committee positions, and if you don’t think Alabama and Louisiana will follow suit you aren’t paying attention.

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Benjamin Cremer, Wesleyan pastor known for his progressive Christian viewpoints, on the golden statue of Cankles and the faux christians worshipping there:

“Evangelical Christian leaders literally gathering around a gold statue of the president and celebrating it, all while raging against any accusations of idolatry. This is what idol worship looks like.”

It’s a cult, rallying around the golden fatted calf of greed and grift and rape and racism.

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Ryan Clark, NFL player, Super Bowl XLIII champion, and ESPN analyst, on Southern states rushing to redistrict and deny Black people representation in government:

“Look, I’m gonna be real with you—Black college athletes need to stop signing with schools in states that gerrymander districts to block representation.”

A simple boycott; if you don’t think people of color deserve representation in your state government then maybe athletes should boycott the schools in those states.

Hit ‘em in the wallet; it worked for Kimmel.

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Mary Trump, psychologist, author, political commentator and niece of Cankles, on Chinese president Xi not meeting Cankles’ plane when it arrived in China:

“Xi couldn’t be bothered to meet [him] at the airport because he understands as well as [Cankles] does that humiliating your underlings is a great way to keep them in check.”

It shows how very little China thinks of Cankles, that he’s nothing more than a bumbling, decrepit, decaying, addle brained puppet.

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Michael Fanone, law enforcement analyst, author, and retired policeman, on John Fetterman’s flip to the wrong side:

“Simple question that every voter deserves answered: Are you representing Pennsylvania—or auditioning for a new audience? You want to criticize Democratic messaging? Fine. A lot of  Democrats would agree with you. You want to say the party needs to reconnect with working people? You’ll get no argument from me. But you don’t get to do that while you go silent when the President breaks norms, breaks institutions, and breaks trust—then turn around and act like everyone else is being too emotional. You don’t get to lecture people about ‘principles’ while you dodge the one principle that matters in a democracy: accountability. And you sure as hell don’t get to treat your voters like they’re disposable while you flirt with the same political machine that would happily watch this country burn if it meant keeping power. So, if you’re a democrat, John, act like one.”

Snap.

Fetterman is laughing at those who elected him because he thinks Cankles will help him in the future. But everyone knows Cankles is only out for himself, and the Democrats will dispose of Fetterman for good.

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Pete Buttigieg, on his Transportation Secretary predecessor, reality show himbo Sean Duffy and his wife and nine children, taking a road trip at a time when most Americans can’t afford a trip to the grocery store:

“I love a good road trip, but this is brutally out of touch: a [Cankles] Cabinet member making a documentary about himself while regular families can’t afford road trips anymore, because [Cankles] and his war put gas prices through the roof.”

Of note is that Duffy says the entire trip was funded through donations and not government funds, but the donors are big deals in the travel industry who’d like to curry favor with Duffy.

The grift and the tone deafness is stunning.

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James Carville, Democratic strategist and political commentator, on the one thing Cankles is thinking about on his trip to China:

“You’re going to watch a grift and graft over there, like you can’t imagine. That’s all this trip is about, and I got news for you, Mr. and Mrs. Joe Sixpack, or whoever you are out there, he doesn’t give a shit about you, your future, your finances, your retirement, your anything. He just cares about making all the money he can as fast as he can, and people [who] don’t realize that are just, just woefully stupid. He doesn’t care if he, as long as he can go there and make as much money, as fast as he can make it, that’s all what he cares about.”

Remember that before leaving for China, Cankles was asked to what extent “Americans’ financial situations” were motivating him to make a deal with Iran and he replied:

“Not even a little bit. The only thing that matters when I’m talking about Iran—they can’t have a nuclear weapon. I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation.”

He doesn’t care about rising gas prices, food prices, energy prices, healthcare prices, he cares about getting a deal with Iran on nuclear weapons when we ALREADY had that deal in place under President Obama.

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Meme Dump

Meme Dump