Bobservations

At one end of our back deck we have a huge Holly bush, roughly ten feet tall, and I am the one who usually trims it. I can reach a great deal of it from the ground and roughly three-quarters of the top from the deck but need a ladder to completely trim to top of Holly. Last weekend, I hauled a ladder from the garage and set it up alongside the Holly bush, and then called Carlos, who was edging the lawn along the fence line, to come hold the ladder while I finished my job.

Afterwards, he went back to his mowing while I carted the ladder back into the garage and then mowed the back lawn and cleaned up some other shrubbery that needed a cut.

Later, I was in the office and Carlos came back and said:

“Do I need to put the ladder away?”

“No, I put it away when I was finished.”

“Okay.”

We did some inside housework, and then I cooked dinner and after that I was back in the office doing some more paperwork when Carlos appeared in the doorway and said:

“Do I need to put the ladder away?”

“No, I put it away when I was finished.”

“Okay.”

“Um, are you Groundhogging me or gaslighting me?”

“Why?”

“Because you asked me that question a few hours ago.”

“I don’t remember … ”

Groundhogging, I think.

This Tuxedo Memory—with a little help from MaxGoldberg and Consuelo—is from August 2015:

“And, speaking of cats ... the other morning, ready to leave for work, I walked into the bedroom to make the bed and saw that.

I backed out slowly … and made the bed when I got home from work that night.

It’s not that the cats rule our house it’s just that meow meow meow meow rule. Uh oh.

Sidenote: my dear friend Laura saw this picture when I posted it to Facebook and saw that piece of pillow sticking out from the pillowcase and asked if it was some kind of corncob-shaped sex toy or something.

It isn't; we don't leave those out on the bed for the cats ... not anymore.”

Poor Consuelo, left alone there on the side of the bed with no cat cuddling her.

The transcript of an FBI interview made public last week details how Walt Nauta, an aide to Hair Furor, characterized what was the boxes of documents found at Mar-Illegal:

News clippings, hairspray, and shampoo.

Seriously. Boxes of news clippings, hairspray, and shampoo in the bathrooms, the ballroom and under the pool.

In January 2018, when reports first surfaced that her husband had paid off a porn star for sex, Melanie was furious, and jetted off to Palm Beach, leaving her cheating bastard of a husband in DC. And now that the criminal trial against Hair Furor has started, Melanie has not appeared with her cheating bastard of a husband in court; she has privately said this case is “his problem” and not hers, but also claims the case is election interference.

I wonder how she’ll feel when Stormy testifies to having sex with Hair Furor, all the gory, orange, mushroom sized details of it all.

There isn’t a jet that can take her far enough away.

Former congressman Madison Cawthorn reportedly crashed his vehicle into a Florida Highway Patrol cruiser on Monday; Alethea Shapiro shared on X that she was driving on I-75 at around 4:30 PM when a black sports car began tailgating her:

“I ignored it, assuming the person would go around me if they were so impatient, [but] when they didn’t I just decided to change lanes so I didn’t have to stress it.”

Minutes later, when traffic came to a standstill, she says that same vehicle ran into an FHP cruiser; FHP spokesperson Greg Bueno confirmed that a patrol vehicle was rear-ended by a car driven by a 28-year-old man from Cape Coral; public records show Cawthorn lives in Cape Coral.

The story doesn’t mean much since Cawthorn is a nobody once again, but after that video of his nekkid fun times with his male cousin or friend made the rounds last year, the headline:

Madison Cawthorn Rear-Ends Florida Police Officer

… took on a whole new meaning.

For the second day this week, Mr-Former-Fake-One-Term-Twice-Impeached-Currently-Four-Time-Criminally-Indicted-Not-My-President-Gurl  fell sleep in court; CNN contributor Norm Eisen tweeted:

“[Thing 45] is asleep again.”

After Maggie Haberman’s reporting for The New York Times about Napping Donald became a huge source for mockery from the media and from the Biden campaign, Hair Furor was pissy about the coverage and Haberman says he “glared” at her in court.

Well, at least he was awake.

I am heartbroken, heartbroken, I say to learn that "The Golden Bachelor" couple Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist are getting divorced after three months of marriage.

Who ever thought you could meet twenty-plus women, date most of them, schtup a few, fall in love with a couple, pick one of those and get married all in the space of a few months and that it wouldn’t last?

I mean, besides me?

This is Mark Romain, openly gay male dancer at RuPaul’s Las Vegas Drag Show, and one of the men chosen to receive a drag queen makeover on this season’s Drag Race. Hot and sexy and gay, but Would You Hit it?

Bobservations

Carlos is part of a group that works with the South Carolina Department of Health and Environmental Control [DHEC] and they are trying to promote healthcare and HIV testing for the Hispanic community throughout the state. Every year DHEC hosts a meeting of diverse groups to discuss HIV/AIDS, and this year, Carlos’ group, Orgullo y Salud [Pride and Health] will be featured. Carlos has been asked to speak at the convention and as he was telling me, he said:

“All these years on the sidelines and now I’m the star.”

“Sweetie, you aren’t the star, you’re a participant in a panel discussion.”

“Where I’m the star.”

“Where everyone gets a chance—”

“I’M.THE.STAR!!!!”

I’m gonna have to hire a team to maneuver his big fat head through the room that day.

Kay Ivey is your typical ReTHUGlican, suddenly finding her ”voice” after more than a year of not uttering a word.

The Brooklyn Public Library [BPL] is fighting back against book banning and censorship in the US by launching a program called Books UnBanned, that allows 13- to 21-year-olds to apply for a free library eCard, regardless of where they live.

The eCard, good for one year, provides access to 350,000 e-books, 200,000 audiobooks and 100 databases, according to BPL.

Cancel that, GOP.

Voter Fraud Mark Meadows has been removed from North Carolina’s voter rolls while the State Bureau of Investigation continues a probe into allegations that Meadows and his wife committed election fraud.

I personally think they need to be fined and stricken from voting in this country.

Marjorie Taylor Greene makes all kinds of excuses for the January 6 Insurrection … It was antifa … It was Black Lives Matter … It was the FBI … and she even voted  against the formation of the January 6 Commission, but her latest attempt to change the narrative is the most idiotic:

“The American people are fed up with this over-dramatization of a riot that happened here at the Capitol one time. They are sick and tired of January 6—it’s over, OK?”

She said this to a reporter and was so mad at the way he “twisted” her words that she posted video of what she actually said, which is exactly what the reporter said she told him.

There was only one insurrection, y’all, so let’s stop talking about it, investigating it, jailing the perpetrators and move on.

I've got another way to liven up a party; walk up to  someone you don’t know and say:

“I want you to know that I have no problem with you being here.”

And then walk away.

Now for some good news … Dancing With The Stars is leaving network TV and going over to Disney+ so it will now cost you $7.99 a month to host Tyra Banks make a fool of herself.

Seriously, will people pay to watch Banks look like a Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park?

Arizona GOPQanon Congressman Paul Gosar was listed as a “special guest” at a white nationalist American Populist Union at an event on April 20, a favored date among Nazis and racists because it’s Hitler’s birthday. But Gosar’s campaign says he isn’t attending the event and doesn’t know how he was listed as a guest of honor.

Huh; funny then that Paul, white nationalist, promoted his scheduled appearance on social media.

The GOP thinks the public is as dumb as the GOP.

As if you’d need another reason to vote Democrat, last week Republicans in Congress objected to Democrat Senator Maggie Hassan’s bill to temporarily suspend the gas tax to lower the price of gasoline.

The GOP objected because they favor corporations over people and because they can continue the lie the President Biden is responsible for higher gas prices.

What’s this? Another Republican committing voter fraud like Mark Meadows?

Matt Mowers, a former Thing 45 administration official and candidate for Congress in New Hampshire, actually voted twice in the 2016 primary election.

Mowers cast an absentee ballot in New Hampshire’s 2016 primary, while serving as campaign director for Chris Christie, and four months later, when Christie’s campaign failed, Mowers cast another ballot in New Jersey.

The GOP is the party of voter fraud.

Michael Salvatore Sinatra is a beefy, hairy, openly gay male model who only wears underwear and jocks, which doesn’t really matter because the question is Would You Hit It?

Say My Name, Watch My Mouth, We're Gone ....

Just a couple of tidbits …

Y’all know I loves me some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—don’t judge—so this week I settled down to watch the reunion. And just a couple of minutes in Andy Cohen was reading a Tweet to Erika Jayne from someone, and then said:

“Bob Slatten said:  ‘I just want #ErikaJayne to explain why she told the ladies in Tahoe that her marriage was lovely and perfect and then a week later she's backing up a moving van to the manse and calling Tom abusive and a cheater. Sure sounds like she knew .... #rhobh’

I stopped the DVR, played it back and, yes, he said my name and read my Tweet. I stopped the DVR and played it back and shrieked for Carlos. It was all good and funny until I realized Erika Jayne never did explain her 72-hour flip from the love of my life to I rented a new house and I’m  outta here.

This morning I dropped Carlos off to get a haircut and then headed back home to get a few things dine while he was being groomed. I was home all of about 15 minutes before the phone rang”

“Hello?”

“Can you come pick me up?”

“You son of a bitch. I just dropped you off!”

“They were able to take me right away.”

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!”

“Sweetie pie you’re on speaker.”

“Oh … hi ladies.”

I hope Carlos explained that my, um, words, were just my way of joking.

That said … We are on our way to Oregon to visit my Dad and then spend some time in Portland because we love it there.

I have no posts planned because we’ve been busy with work—tying up loose ends before leaving—and family—getting Gloria settled—so there will be no posts until we return after the first of November.

Stay safe, place nice, be kind. See y’all soon.

Bobservations

Carlos and I were back at the eye doctor last week because his prescription wasn’t quite right. As we arrived, the same woman that always checks us in greeted us, and told Carlos to sign in. I walked around the counter with him to show him the sigh-in sheet, and the woman and I were discussing the weather.

On the way home, I said to Carlos:

“The woman at the front desk is a lesbian.”

“Why? Because she has pink hair?”

"No, because she said her wife told her to drive carefully this morning because it was raining.”

Uh huh.

It’s not that he’s egotistical, it’s just that no story is as good as a Tuxedo story …or so he tells me.

A group of MAGAts and Proud Boys and Nazis took to the streets of DC last weekend to protest the non-existent voter fraud claim put forward by their Grand Orange Dragon.

Dubbed the Million MAGA March, the crowd, in fact, barely topped twenty thousand, proving they can’t count people and they can’t count votes.

Security has been heightened all across France in the wake of terror attacks, and so the Trillade Primary School in Avignon has been closing and locking the gates at 8:30 in the morning. The gates re-open at 10:00 AM, but some parents don’t have time for that, so they, well, they … they … they hurl their children over the locked gates.

And it has become such a problem that the school had to remind the parents that their children are actual human beings and not sacks of rubbish thrown to the curb on pick-up day.

Seriously.

If he only knew, he might be nicer about this mess.

It seems that _____‘s defeat will make it easier for Democrats to get his tax returns, and some prominent lawmakers plan to keep the heat on the incoming Biden administration and House leaders to deliver. Once Biden controls the Treasury Department, his administration could simply hand over the long-sought records to Congress.

But … Biden is casting himself as a moderate uniter, and releasing _____’s returns looks a little vindictive and we have bigger fish to fry … COVID-19?Rememberthat?

Plus, the state of New York will go after _____.

If you didn’t love Dolly Parton before—and why the hell didn’t you—you gotta love her now.

Dolly trended on social media earlier this week when it was revealed that she donated $1 million to help Moderna develop the coronavirus vaccine it said this week was 94.5% effective. Parton’s contribution to Vanderbilt University Medical Center was made in honor of her longtime friend, Dr. Naji Abumrad, who is a professor of surgery.

And that’s just one more reason to love her ..though you don’t really need another reason.

I don’t watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette because I’m not really into televised prostitution but … I do watch Good Morning America and they have recaps of the show so that’s where I heard this.

This “season” on The Bachelorette, there was a woman being whored out to 26 or so men. But very early on she fell in love with one guy, and he with her, so they left the show. So, what do producers do? They bring in a new girl to whore out to the remaining bachelors, because women are interchangeable like that.

Like I said, televised prostitution, whether it’s the bachelor or the bachelorette.

Giuseppe Giofrè. Yum.

He’s a twenty-seven-year-old whippersnapper, singer, model, and hip-hop dancer from Gioia Tauro, Italy, and he's totally adorable.

He’s also a hot piece of meat,

That’s all.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Today in Pandemic News … Madonna in Desperately Seeking Attention!

Yes, once again Madge has taken to her bathroom to Undress Herself, this time appearing in a hat, black underwear, gold bracelets and a crutch by her side.

The crutch is real, as is her desperation. I mean, women can pose however they want but sixty-one-year-old Madge just seems keen on baring herself for attention because there’s no other reason for this.

Perky breasts and a Frozen face. I think she’s Borderline neurotic and needs to take a Holiday from social media. I will Cherish the day when Madonna Louise Ciccone will learn The Power of Goodbye.

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About a month ago, the country group Lady Antebellum announced that they were changing their name to Lady Antebellum because of its association with slavery and would simply go by Lady A from now on.

A hot second later and one Anita White, a blues singer from Seattle, let them know that she is Lady A, and has been using that name forever. So, the group and the Lady Zoomed one and  both made it clear that they’re not going to budge from using the Lady A name and hope to find a way to coexist.

Until the artists formerly known as Landy Antebellum decided to sue the artist always known as Lady A for calling herself Lady A. Lady A, the group, who once said they stood with BLM, is now suing a Black woman, for using Lady A as her stage name. Lady A, the reboot—made up of Hillary Scott, Charles Kelley, and David Haywood—claim they tried to work it out with Lady A but could not and now they would like the court to grant them trademark of the name even though she began using the name years before Lady Antebellum was even around.

Self-entitled country music superstar trying to force a woman to change her stage name because they’re butt-hurt she got it first. Perhaps they should call themselves Lady Asshats?

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Rumor has it that Kanye West’s ALLEGED run for the White House is the result of yet another bipolar meltdown.

Who knew …, well, other than every person on the planet? 

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It’s all about the green as long as you aren’t racist about the Black.

With reality show “stars” Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute getting fired from Vanderpump Rules over racist bullying of fellow cast member Faith Stowers, and then fellow castmates, Brett Caprioni and Max Boyens, getting axed for racist Tweets, reality show producers are trying to find a way to stop the fall-out of racism.

And it’s coins. Yes, networks like CBS, MTV, VH1, and others are working to stop racism from tainting their pristine brands by hiring private investigator, Edward Myers, to pick through reality stars’ social media for offensive language. And to top that off, networks are offering “good behavior bonuses” for their “stars” who don’t post their racist shiz online.

Oh, they can still be racist AF, but keep it off the internet and we’ll give you money. Funny, I thought not being racist was just being a decent person, I didn’t know it was away to make a living.

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Although divorced, lovebirds turned hatebirds Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are keeping their story alive by suing one another for every single thing they did while married; seriously, this courtroom saga is longer than their marriage.

We learned that one night, after a bad fight, Amber Heard defecated in Johnny’s bed, and now it’s Amber’s turn, providing photographic evidence that Johnny likes whisky and coke, er, cocaine, and Keith Richards music. Amber photographed Johnny’s party set-up and she also snapped Johnny after he’d passed out post-party.

I don’t know what this is all about, except the two are suing each other for saying slanderous stuff about the other and then go to court to sweat that the slanderous stuff they each said is true.

Can’t they just get a room and scream at one another for ever and leave the rest of us alone?

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Apparently one Kourtney Kardastrophe stepped away from her family’s attempt at fame, AKA Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes, because she ALLEGEDELY wanted to spend more time with her children.

Of course, this was right after the show aired a physical fight between Kourtney and First-Lady-Wannabe-But-Will-Never-Be, Kim, but now, months later, and because she’s not on the show and out of the limelight and doesn’t know how to live like that, Kourtney is talking about leaving the show.

“I have been filming the show non-stop for 14 years … and it became a toxic environment.”

Became? The show was built around Kim’s porn debut and having a mother who sold her daughter’s sex tape for some coins, some fame, and a TV show.

It is built on toxicity, Kourtney, and you’re still in it. It’s in your family’s DNA.

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PR 18 Ep 14: Finally! The Finale!

TO BE CONTINUED … and no one goes home.

The Final Four is still the Final Four! Big surprise! All of the judges agree that all four designers deserve to present their final collections at New York Fashion Week. But first … edit, edit, edit … Geoffrey; and tailor, tailor, tailor … Nancy; modernize, modernize, modernize … Sergio; and lose the logo, lose the logo, lose the logo … Victoria.

And still take time out to head down to the Council of Fashion Designers of America [CFDA] and take a trip to Mood and pick models and recut, remake, retailer, rebuild your collections.

In.Two.Days. Let’s rip …

TOP FOUR

GEOFFREY

At the CFDA, Geoffrey gets some help from Sara Kozlowski, director of professional development for the CFDA, and Rachna Shah, a publicist KCD public relation, who represent Givenchy, Fenty and Victoria Beckham. They tell Geoffrey to ease up the over-styling, and the lead with his story of the Purple Heart Collection being about strength and survival. Geoffrey hears them and says:

“My mantra for the day is ‘Get it done.'”

At the model casting, Geoffrey nabs Thijin, quite possibly the best walker of the bunch, and models with “otherworldly” kinds of faces for his otherworldly collection. But who cares about that because he also nabbed Taurean Everett, Marquise’s hunky tuxedo model with amazing body. And then we get almost zero footage of him shirtless. I call foul!

Geoffrey wants to alter his purple dress with the sleeve boobs and sleeve dick and bring that back. I worry, because that was a lot of sleeves for no reason at all. He’s also taking some of the baggier looks,  which the judges called shapeless, and giving them some body. Better still, he’s reconsidering the cheeks studs, at least for his female models.

Karla Welch, the stylist who helped in the Upcycle Challenge, is back to assist in styling the finale collections. She loves Geoffrey’s very symmetrical looks and tells him not to go asymmetrical with the earrings; keep it simple. And when he opts for more dangles and bangles and baubles, she reminds him that his collection is very avant-garde and to not add more and more to what is already more.

And then, because Geoffrey overthinks and over-accessorizes, we get the usual meltdown:

“If this is my last show it’s because I need to go get a job. I’m afraid of making some type of mistake. I would never forgive myself.”

I so wanna shake him and tell him that he’s made it to the finale of the PR so that has to count for something. But then, at the show, he cannot find his bag of cheek studs and as his panic starts to rise, and then subside, I think he realizes the universe was telling him something. Less really is more.

WHAT HE SAID

I just feel like I couldn’t have done better. It looks expensive, high fashion and future forward. It’s everything I was hoping for.

WHAT I SAID

I loved the purple puffer with the sexier ‘sleeve’ dress. And I loved the edge his clothes have’ I don’t even mind the sleeve pants on Taurean—goddess, those pecs—because I might wanna put my hands in them and see where it leads. I did feel the second male look seemed like a member of the CDC off to a COVID-19 lab somewhere, and I still think the dresses with the open tops feel like a mistake. As for that last giant puffer, I don’t know if I wanna wear it or sleep in it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Elaine loved that Geoffrey ‘owns’ his work and his aesthetic; she called his collection “the Billie Eilish take on fashion” and loved his perspective. Brandon said Geoffrey has “the spark of an idea that can grow into something” and says the brocade look moved him emotionally. Guest judge Serena Williams loved the outerwear, and the trench coat—which we learned was a fabric Geoffrey made of paper over neoprene. Nina admires Geoffrey’s “modern” innovation with his use of fabric and volume, but she’s “concerned” that the looks were referential of Rick Owens who also showed puffer coast, albeit floor-length puffers. She did say his work can be commercial, because his big ideas will lead to more wearable clothing. Karlie thought it was “powerful” with details that speak and said he didn’t need the facial studs.

NANCY

At CFDA, Nancy tells Sara Kozlowski and Rachna Shah about her journey of the textile and that she doesn’t have a specific customer or client in mind, but lets the fabric speak first. They both think she needs more focus, and a more defined story of “empowerment.”

At the model casting, Nancy grabs an amputee who uses prosthetics … with Swarovski crystals, no less, and takes DD because they are her muse.

And she takes a wee hint form the judges to lighten up her dark color palette and buys a lighter print at Mood, though I think she used it to make her own finale outfit, and nothing for her collection. As much as we, well, I, dog Sergio, Nancy seems just as stubborn and unbending.

Karla Welch loved Nancy’s messaging but felt the message wasn’t unified in the collection; she also demanded Nancy throw out all her bags and wine totes and superfluous kitschy nonsense.

WHAT SHE SAID

I worked really hard, and it’s paid off. I don’t have a woman in mind, [my clothes are] for people, [and] for this journey there could not have been a better muse than DD.

WHAT I SAID

I loved her fabrics and the way they reflected light, but they seemed a bit stiff and formless. And some of those looks seemed a little too similar, though the last look, with that faux fur coat, was amazing … because of the coat. That said, the jumpsuit and the suit, in prints, were the most tailored of all, and the strongest.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Karlie thought both her clothes and models were inspiring. Nina called the collection a “beautiful moment on the runway with a powerful message about sustainability and inclusion that proves it can be fashionable” and loved the short purple dress with back draping. Elaine dubbed it “low-key spiritual” and raved about the faux fur coat. She also admired Nancy’s ‘come from behind’ journey to The Tents. Brandon appreciated that Nancy thought of how the fabric would look under the lights but wanted more structure … a bustier … something. Serena also wanted more construction and seaming and tailoring; she thought it all similar and simplistic.

SERGIO

Sergio was told to ‘fuck’ his collection up, and so we’ll see how that plays out.

At CFDA, after hearing his “message” Sara Kozlowski and Rachna Shah wonder if it comes through in his ten looks if he doesn’t spell it out on the runway; the short answer is ‘No’. And, again, when he talks about his 46- to 60-year-old client, they tell him not to get stuck on that idea because it limits his buyer pool.

At Mood, he does buy a new fabric for a sweater idea he has but doesn’t appear willing to “farkakteh” it up—and before anyone goes off, that is the correct Yiddish spelling of that word. Christian again calls his looks a little bit county and notes that one of his form fitting white gowns looks “like underwear, but not in a cool way.” And he admits to being scared about the amount of alterations he has to do and for a brief moment seems almost humble.

But then Karla Welch appears and while she loves his looks, though doesn’t quite see the message in them, she suggests he change a fringe jacket to a t-shirt and he says, “that’s not the planet I live on.” But then humble Sergio reappears, and he says he’ll do it, though he turned it into a sweater-style, see-through mesh turtleneck because a t-shirt is so not Sergio.

And the universe, to prove its point that Sergio not take himself as the only expert in the room, at the very last minute, before the final runway, sends a hole to the elbow of that last-minute sweater-style, see-through mesh turtleneck.

WHAT HE SAID

It’s such an emotional experience seeing the collection in such an amazing space. It’s coming to life on the runway. The looks are super chic with a twist of modernity.

WHAT I SAID

The first look is nightgown, followed by country,  and off-the-shoulder-country, and mirror ball and drapery and a gorgeous embellished gown, followed by more country, and then a Bollywood dream dress and the ruffled showstopper which was gorgeous. And none of it said polar ice caps.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Nina thought his collection was “the most skilled execution and polish” and loved the off-the-shoulder baby blue number; that said, she also felt his looks were “frozen in time”—maybe that was the ice cap reference—and hoped for a more relaxed version of the collection. Brandon encourages Sergio to take more risks and give more than gowns because in coming years all people will come to Sergio for are gowns and that does not a long career make; he did love the last minute sweater-style, see-through mesh turtleneck. Elaine loved his color story and the collection, especially the sheer ‘Bollywood’ number, but wants  Sergio 2.0. Serena loves classic design, so this collection was right up her alley, while Karlie did say it was “technically” perfect.

VICTORIA

Victoria’s stubborn streak also gives Sergio a run for his money; she listens; she says she hears; but then she goes her own way, and that might not be good.

At CFDA Sara Kozlowski and Rachna Shah like Victoria’s signature details, the pleats, the proportions and layering, but they’re also worried about her brand appearing everywhere; a brand is earned. Victoria says she will take the advice, but then might have too much work to do to remove the Kheops off her clothing.

Her stubborn streak also reared its head at the model casting when she wanted to grab all the beautiful girls before anyone else had a chance; I was surprised, though, when she took a model who was missing ana rm because that was so in Nancy’s wheelhouse, but cynical me thought maybe she took her so Nancy couldn’t?

Christian sees Victoria putting her looks in order and tells her he hates a white knit dress—that never made it to the runway—and the cheap boots paired with it. And Karla Welch wants Victoria to dial back all the accessories, the different shoes in different colors, but says she loves Victoria’s last-minute look.

WHAT SHE SAID

I don’t want to close my eyes for even one single minute. I want to see everything…in my collection. It’s me. It’s myself. It’s my aesthetic. It’s my color palette.

WHAT I SAID

Beige. Hats. Pleats. Oh my. Bo-ring. And the branding! And that pop of lime green appearing just twice; in the second look it looked like a designer butcher’s apron to keep the blood off your hideous beige dress. Now, the hot pink trench was hot, but was not at all new or innovative. And the glittering hoodie I just loathed. But then that last dress; simple, and chic and elegant and without a stitch of branding. Perfection.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Nina says Victoria has a good “grasp of proportion and silhouette,” and she liked the pink leather dress with the cutouts. Serena loved the cutouts, too, though on the second look, and called the beaded jumper “unique”—Serena-speak for ugly?? Elaine says Victoria creates “fresh” looks that women want, but again loathed the abundance of branding. She did love the Look-In-A-Day white gown, though, as did all the judges. Brandon thought that was the only look in her collection that made a point, while Karlie again told Victoria she needed to learn to edit.

I was waiting for the calling of a name followed by a “You’re out,” but Karlie just said the winner was the person who pushed fashion forward:

Geoffrey Mac!

I wasn’t thrilled by any one designer’s collections. I thought Nancy and Geoffrey had some really nice pieces, and thought Sergio’s looks were … ahem … well-made, if dated. I didn’t like Victoria’s collection at all because it was a lot of the same and then two dashes of color and something entirely different. That said, I’m glad Geoffrey won, because I think his ideas can be mainstreamed for those who don’t want sleeve pants or puffer coats as big as a Mini Cooper. I’d wear a big long puffer coat and turn heads all over Smallville.

And Geoffrey, even though he’s much younger than Nancy is the oldest winner—at 42—in PR history! And the cheers from his fellow designers who had been eliminated all through the show, proved even they thought he deserved it.

Now …the men. Taurean Everett was back and they didn’t show him fully undressed? I have lodged a complaint with Bravo. Designer Fernando Garcia was back and looking hot in the crowd. And both of Nancy’s sons were very handsome indeed. I scoured the internet for pictures of them, but my efforts failed. So, look at Taurean and Fernando.

LINES OF THE NIGHT

Geoffrey, after his win:

“All the counseling in the world wouldn’t have done what ‘Project Runway’ has done for me. I’m gonna take four days off … in a row.”

And then he calls his dad, who is thrilled at his win.

Christian, to Sergio in Mood, saying he’ll make a modern sweater:

“So, you took some advice? That’s good. That’s a first. We made a breakthrough. It only took the whole season.”

Yup.

Elaine, as Taurean Everett walks the runway:

“Yessssssssss. All right.”

Elaine? I love you gurl, but step back!

Nancy, when Taurean came to the model casting:

“Oh, how can we forget? The six-pack … or eight-pack … or ten-pack. Whatever that was.”

Um, it's mine, Nancy. Mine.

Karla Welch, convincing Geoffrey to leave some accessories off his models:

“Clean! She’s wearing a massive chainmail puffer.”

Words to live by.

Geoffrey, to Christian after a critique:

“I love you, Christian.”

Christian, in reply:

“I know.”

I kinda love Christian, too, in that keep him in your pocket and take him out for advice when you need it kind of way.

Now, for the designers: Sergio’s proposal was sweet, and he appeared almost life-like. I am glad he humbled down in the last two episodes. Maybe after hearing himself on TV, or having people talk about his arrogance, hit home. Victoria? I think she’ll continue to make cut-out power suits, though she may add crocheted baseball caps to all of them. Nancy? I think if she refines her POV she’ll be able to make a name for herself.

What did YOU think?