Bobservations

Tuesday night Carlos and I had one of our rare spats; I’ll spare you the details but it’s one of those things that, were it to continue happening and not spoken about, it would go from spat to brawl—not a real brawl—kind of quickly.

I came home from work the day after the incident and told Carlos how I felt and how, if I didn’t say anything, this might continue to happen and fester and then we’d be really arguing about something that isn’t really an argument, so I will tell you how the conversation started:

“Okay, I’m not mad at you but let me tell you why I’m mad.”

And about three minutes later, after listening and talking, the spat ended with:

“So, that Liza documentary. Oy, what a clusterfuck.”

And that’s how it goes at Casa Bob y Carlos.

This Tuxedo Says is from February 2021 …

Clearly when a cat gets the idea of Separation of Church and State, people will understand it, too? Oh, who am I kidding.

Sidenote: I was closing the blinds in the living room last night and looked out the window and saw Tuxedo sitting on the front walkway. Now, it wasn’t my Great Tuxedo, but it was a younger look-alike … who was given some food to see if he comes back.

Actor David Boreanaz spoke at the recent Bones: 20th Anniversary Retrospective panel—seriously??? A Bones Retrospective?—and recalled meeting Betty White in 2015:

“Emily [Deschanel] and I are waiting for her. And she’s like, ‘Good to see you. Oh, good to see you. You’re so nice. You’re so pretty.’”

And then he says Betty White said to him:

“She looks at me, she goes, ‘Holy s–t, I want to f–k you. I want to f–k you!’”

Funny that in ten years Boreanaz never told this story even once before White passed and even more telling is that his Bones co-star Emily Deschanel had no memory of the interaction at all. I mean, Betty White says she wants to f*ck your co-star and you forget about it? Sounds like Boreanaz is trying to make himself relevant?

Here’s a look at the always popular “Booty Call Cakes,” and I must say I will be answering that call.

Straight from The Felon’s mouth:

“San Francisco was a great city … fifteen years ago.”

Fun fact: fifteen years ago Gavin Newsom was the mayor of San Francisco and Kamala Harris was the District Attorney.

In a very timely response, Broadway performer and RuPaul’s Drag Race winner, Jinkx Monsoon called out the GOP and The Felon for their attempts to whitewash history.

Speaking to Good Morning America about her new role as the lead in Cole Escola’s Tony Award-winning hit Broadway show Oh, Mary!— described by its creator and original star as "a dark comedy about a miserable Mary Todd Lincoln in the weeks leading up to Abraham Lincoln’s assassination”—the hosts proposed a rapid-fire game they called “Oh, Jinkx!”

GMA hosts Gio Benitez, Janai Norman and Whit Johnson threw "crazy White House" situations, or at least the Oh, Mary! version of it, at Jinkx to get her immediate reaction and the final situation was:

"You’ve just been told you’re the understudy for Mary’s husband and the show starts in five minutes."

Without hesitation, Monsoon—a transgender woman—responded:

"Well, everyone, this is how it goes. Abraham Lincoln is now a trans woman, and that’s all there is to it … Since lawmakers get to rewrite history, why can’t I?"

Monsoon then let loose her signature cackle.

Snap.

More stupidity from The Felon? Well, he said this week that the US is the only country that uses Mail-In Voting.

Well, except for the United Kingdom, Switzerland, Germany, Australia, Canada, India, Iceland, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Russia, and 22 other countries ... and Florida which is where The Felon and his Slovenian Hooker Wife vote by mail.

I know very little about Carlos Machado who says he was born from the Earth but do we really need any information other than Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that I am as swift as a gazelle … an old one … with arthritis … run over by a Land Rover … seven days ago.

… that I am not weird, but I am simply a Limited Edition. Kidding, I’m weird AF.

… that I don’t have a train of thought … I have seven trains on four tracks that narrowly avoid each other when their paths cross and all the conductors are screaming.

… that people need to remember that I have a soft heart and a savage mouth; I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

… that when people disagree with me I generally say, ‘Nice argument, unfortunately, your mama,’ and then I saunter away.

… there is nothing better than hearing friends say, ‘We never see you around.’ I mean, I know, I make sure of it.

… that when people ask me if I run, I say out of patience , money and good decisions.

… that no one realizes I have three basic moods: IDK, IDC, IDGAF and it’s a daily spin-the wheel situation.

… that when I’m drunk I forget I’m shy and I suddenly become the CEO of Chaos, giving life advice to strangers like I’ve got a PhD in bad choices.

… that the idea that someone looked at a purple onion and named it a red red onion really irks me

…. that I seek restraining orders on anyone not wearing deodorant.

Why Is It ...

… that people will write a paragraph to disagree with me on social media and never think that I hit Delete as soon as I see it.

… that I love when people are rude to me because, oh my god, no way, it’s now my turn.

… that my boss doesn’t see that I am humble enough to know I’m replaceable at work, but also confident enough to know that it will take at least three people.

… that no one realizes that I am quite adept at using all the swear words in a single sentence.

… that people need to realize that if they hear me telling the same story twice, just let it go. I only have six memories and they all take turns.

… that I am planning on engaging in orange cat behavior today and, no, I will not explain.

... that after 50, you're like an old phone battery. Even when you charge yourself overnight for 10 hours, by 10 AM you're at 60%. 

… that being an adult is so weird. I'm unsupervised all the time, how unsafe.

… that I am so easily annoyed by feelings, people, my own thoughts … honestly I don’t even know why I started this list. I’m already irritated

… that sometimes I listen to someone and think ‘Holy shit, you’ve got the IQ of a crayon.’

Why Is It ...

… that whenever someone says to me, “Your face looks very familiar,” I say, “I know, I’d had it my whole life.”

… that sometimes, in a stressful situation, I say to myself, “Stay calm, jessica.” I know my name isn’t Jessica, but anyway ….

… that I wish I had become a librarian just for the joy of telling people to shut up.

… that I sometimes wish I could meet someone again for the very first time … and walk right past them.

… that if people think I’m cool I tell them, Wake me up from a nap for no reason and see how uncool I can be.

… that I have decided to start telling people to “land your plane” if they’re going talk in circles.

… that I am humble enough to know that I am replaceable at work yet confident enough to know that it would take three or four people.

… that when people ask what sign I am, I say, “Stop sign. Leave me alone.”

… that people need to know they should never argue with me as the only difference between me and a psych ward patient is that I am at home!

Why Is It ...

… that you need to know if you block me on social media you’d best be blocking my friends, too, because they’re sending me screenshots.

… that I often want to stop a conversation mid-sentence and say, “Hey, I don’t care.”

… that you don’t realize there is no point in arguing with me. I realized I was wrong about 15 minutes ago and now I’m just trying to make you mad.

… that apparently saying “the vibes are off” is not an excuse to leave work early.

… that I stop myself from making sarcastic comments at least forty times a day and I am never given credit for it.

… that you need to remember to chill before my Inner Voice becomes my Outer Voice.

… that I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet of Legos than share a fun fact about myself with a group of strangers.

… that whenever I agree with someone it’s usually so they’ll stop talking.

… that when my boss and I argue and he says, ‘I didn’t ask for an attitude,’ I reply, ‘No worries. It’s complimentary.’

… that I have to apologize if I acted insane, but in my defense, I’m insane.

The Blah-plosion

So, I have been Blah, and as I said yesterday, Carlos, very empathetically, told me to:

“Change your mood.”

Then for that whole day, he’d ask if I was still feeling ‘blah,’ while wearing a little smirk on his face. At one point he suggested I take a walk, and I said a walk isn’t the cure, or the answer; these are feelings that I need to work through and you cannot walk or wish them away. And he said:

“Well, I’m really getting tired of the blah-sy attitude.”

Cue Blah-plosion.

I let him have it because, while the blahs are hard to explain, him saying that to me pissed me off, and mama ain’t happy when she’s pissed off. I told him, that had he come to me and said he was feeling blah, or depressed, or anxious, or worried, the first words out of my mouth would have been:

“Can I do anything to help?”

I told him it wasn’t the virus, and it was the virus; it wasn’t not going to work and it was not going to work; it wasn’t the animals, but it was; it wasn’t him but it was; it was the sunshine; it was nighttime; it was everything and nothing. It was my Dad, and my worry about him 3,000 miles away.

But what it was that pissed me off was his blasé attitude about it. There are the rare times Carlos and I actually fight, a lot of loud angry words, a lot of airing of feelings, and a lot of apologies … from his side.

I again explained that this is not something you can wish, walk, or help away; it needed to be worked through, in my way, at my pace. Again, he apologized and I told him just be a little more compassionate; I told him I know he takes everything too personally and that he felt I was angry at him because of my mood. I said:

“Twenty years and you still don’t think when I have a problem with you, I don’t tell you?”

And we kinda laughed, and let it go, and this morning, the blackness lifted a little, and so I told him maybe yelling at him was the answer.

It’s not, but hopefully he got the message, and when this happens again, and it will, though it’s a once or twice a year thing, and usually lasts about three days, he might be more understanding.

If not … I’ll yell. Maybe it’ll work again.

PS Thank you all for your kind words yesterday. They meant a lot.