Bobservations

This Carlos story needs a flashback because we dig deep …

When we first moved to Camden and purchased Casa Bob y Carlos, we asked Carlos’ Aunt Gloria to visit, and she did … in December when it’s frigid in Camden. And Gloria had only ever lived in Mexico City and Miami and San Juan, so the cold was not her thing. But we tried to make her comfortable and raised the heat while she was here; it got so hot in the house I was in T-shirt and shorts the whole time, but Gloria never felt warm. One day she opened the door to her room and shouted down the hallway:

“Please, boys, turn up the heat. I will happily pay the bill.”

Turn it up we did but she was never warm—which is why she never visited in winter again—but the joke was on us because when she left and I was cleaning the guest room I noticed the vents in her room, and in her bathroom, were all closed! Oy.

So, cut to this morning, and I turn on the AC at about 7:30. We keep the AC at 80-degrees because there are ceiling fans in every room and the house stays cool, but as I walked into the kitchen Carlos says:

“I’ll gladly pay the AC bill for some cool air.”

And I responded thusly:

“You picked the wrong morning to fuck with me.”

“What—"

“I got the most horrendous cramp in my foot at 3AM and couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. I got up to take an aspirin hoping that would ease the pain and hobbled into the kitchen to find … we had no aspirin or Tylenol or anything thing. So I lay in bed wincing and tossing and turning.”

“I thought I told you we needed Ty—”

“Nope, save that story, sister, because if you’d said we needed Tylenol we would have Tylenol.”

“Well, I also had a bad night’s sleep because when I came to bed at 11:30 your phone kept making that sound it makes when you plug the charger into it and I had to get up in the dark and search the room for your phone to unplug it and plug it back in and then try to get some sleep.”

“Did you get some sleep?”

“I did.”

“Well I didn’t get any sleep and so now you will be paying for that for the rest of your natural life.”

Well, at least until the end of the day.

This Tale of Tuxedo is from September 2010 and is entitled “Someone Has it Easy On Caturday...”

"While Carlos and I cleaned house and reorganized a closet … yes, we are that much fun....someone else took a snooze.

Lucky."

Oy, the punim on that cat!

Well, Suri Cruise has officially severed ties with her estranged dad, Tom Cruise, by officially changing her last name from Cruise to Noelle.

$$$cientology; destroying families everywhere.

Last week the Department of Defense released the names of the 18 servicemembers killed since the start of Cankles War for Profit and DUI Pete’s War for Ego. 

But then without a word the names of Lt. Tyler James Feehan, 25, Pvt. Isabella González, 19, Sgt. Michael Emmanuel Swinton, 30,  and Sgt. Ángel Rampersad, 28, were removed from the list of dead Americans because according to the Regime, since they died during a ceasefire their deaths are not war casualties.

Say their goddamned names. They died for this country!

Sophie Cunningham, basketball player, is the latest athlete to step up against trans women in sports saying she wants to protect children but, um, Sophie, you ignorant fool?

The NCAA president has said there are fewer than 10 openly transgender athletes out of 510,000 athletes yet this dominates headline.

Sophie and the rest of her ick, I mean, ilk might best want to stand up for the women and girls raped by the president and his friendly pedophile buddy.

The thoughts that cross my mind as sleep … we all know cats have excellent night vision; they can leap to the tops of closet shelves, climb atop a bookcase, roam the house all night long so …

Why do they step on my face in the middle of the night?

Cuz it’s a choice, right Rosita?

PS The look on Rosie's face clearly says, "Keep coming for me, buddy, and you'll find out what I step in right before walking across your face!"

In another shameless display of GOP and MAGAt hypocrisy and goose-stepping for their cult leader, think back in recent history when the Cult went mad that NYC had elected a Muslim mayor just 25 years after 9/11 and now they are literally handing nuclear weapons to Saudi Arabia, the country that raised the 9/11 attackers because Cankles got paid by the Saudis.

In all honesty I don’t think they’re declaring Mitch McConnel dead because he doesn’t have an unqualified sister to replace him.

Hubert Kacprowicz is a lot of things ... actor ... Biomedical engineer ... and Renaissance man; he's also blond, blue-eyed and tall, so Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that when I create a To Do List, it lists things like burst someone’s bubble, or stir the pot, or toot my own horn … add my two cents … skate on thin ice … add fuel to the fire.

… that while I was at the bakery I heard a little boy behind me cry to his mother, “Mom, there are only four donuts left!” and when the counterperson asked what I wanted I said, “Four donuts please.”

… that while I am awful at sit ups and lousy at push ups my fuck ups are top notch.

… that I've always wondered if any of my recorded calls have been used for training or quality purposes.

… that y’all need to know that you can’t believe everything I post on here cuz Rosita is always stealing my phone

… that y’all don’t realize if your birth year starts with 19 you shouldn’t be wrapping presents on the floor

… I follow the 7/7/7 plan at work … do my job for 7 minutes, then spend 7 minutes booking a cruise and then disappear for 7 days

… that when people tell me I’m intimidating I always say, ‘Good. Think three times before speaking to me.’

… that you need to know that I am not an asshole; I am a hemorrhoid and I only irritate assholes.

… that I love it when one of the cats sighs and I say, “Oh, what’s up my little unemployed freeloader?”

New Year's Memes ... with Special Appearances By ...

Bobservations

Carlos and I got into a discussion of those faux christians—small c—who are really the problem with religion because they believe they’re job is set others on the straight and narrow, rather than just worrying about themselves and inflicting their beliefs on others.

 Carlos muttered something about ear wax and how they don’t listen and I said:

“Huh?”

“Wax fills their ears and they cannot hear.”

“Where is all this wax coming from?”

“All the candles.”

“So, their lack of understanding comes from ears full of wax because churches have too many candles.”

“Exactly.”

“I’ll pray for you.”

And I did.

This Tuxedo Says is from May 2021:

We have no idea exactly how old Tuxedo is. When we rescued him from an animal hospital Carlos managed in Miami, he was a grown-assed cat, so I’m thinking he was a year or more then. We’ve lived in Camden for almost fifteen years [at the time of this post], and had him for about a year or so before that, so he’s seventeen? Eighteen? Just a guess.

And he’s getting older. He has issues with his kidneys and is on a special diet, which he actually loves; and he’s so smart that he will not even bother with the “other cat’s” food but will wait for his meals. He’s also lost some muscle mass in his back legs and so he is no longer a jumper. That cat that used to jump to a high closet shelf, a bathroom counter, a high bed, now doesn’t jump at all, and when he wants to sit in my lap, he puts his front paws on my knee and I hoist him up.

However, he still loves sitting in a windowsill on a sunny morning, and the sills at Casa Bob y Carlos are about 14 inches off the ground but even that’s too high for him; and, because some vicious person declawed him before we saved him, he has no front claws to help him up. So, again, he’s very smart, he uses his paws to grab the sill and then stretches his legs out so that his, what I would call forearms, are on the sill, and he lifts himself onto the sill, and then naps.

Breaks my heart, but he makes do and is still a loving sweet smart boy.

Goddess I miss that cat …

Diane Keaton was one of my favorite actors and from watching her interviews one of my favorite kinds of people. I loved her style, her hats and her joie de vivre. She passed away last weekend quite suddenly leaving behind two children.

RIP ... and thank you.

We have begun the kitchen remodel and, as you can see from the top photo, that’s the ‘old’ kitchen on the morning of demo.

We have moved the dishes and pots and pans to the dining room, and the food from the cupboards to boxes in the dining room. The coffee maker and expresso machine, as well as the microwave, are in the laundry room. In the morning Carlos makes the rounds from dining room—for oatmeal—to the torn-out kitchen—for milk—to the laundry room—to make the café con leche.

It's a journey but hopefully we’ll be 90% done by sometime next week.

PS That’s the demolished kitchen below along with a photo of the stone we picked out for the countertops.

Kim Kardastrophe who never met a thirst trap she didn’t want to dive into has come up with a new product: her company, Skims, announced that they would be entering the merkin market, launching a line of thongs named ‘The Ultimate Bush.’

The collection of thongs features a variety of hair textures and tones attached to the front and the collection was launched via a campaign video set on a retro 1970s-style game show called ‘Does the Capet Match the Drapes’  with the tagline:

“With our daring new Faux Hair Panty, your carpet can be whatever color you want it to be.”

Like I said, thirsty for attention.

Y’all remember we had the skylights removed in the sunroom. And since we had to have the ceiling replaced, I opted to change the color form the light blue to a more vibrant one and since I was changing that color why not paint over the yellow walls with a more vibrant green.

The new paint choices were taken from the Golden Girls Rattan Chairs we’ve had for eons!

Rosita is confused by the kitchen being empty and the breakfast table in the sunroom and their food dishes in a new spot, too. And so when I came into the living room one morning she was under a chair resting her chin on the stretched bar between the two legs.

She seems spent.

This is Gianluca Vallata. He’s six feet tall. He might be from Istanbul, he might not be. I know nothing about him, but Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

For this episode of Tales of Carlos I need to refresh your memories of his first baseball game. When we lived in Miami, Carlos’ boss took the entire staff and their spouses and significant others to a Marlins baseball game. I was excited because, as a kid, we often went to see the Giants play the Dodgers—Dad was a Dodgers fan—or see the Oakland A’s play, but Carlos had never been to a baseball game.

We’re at the stadium and—I forget who the Marlins were playing—the Marlins had the first at bat; three outs and the other team was up, and they had three outs and the first inning was over. Carlos stood up, stretched his legs and said:

“Great game.”

“Sweetie, it’s not over yet.”

“But both sides had a turn.”

A discussion of innings and the idea that there would be at least nine of them ensued. Now, cut to Tuesday morning, this week, and there was a news story on about a rapper and Carlos says:

“Pete Rose, the baseball player?”

“How do YOU know Pete Rose?” [And let's not even dive into why Carlos thought Pete Rose was a rapper]

“It’s a famous name.”

"But how do YOU know he was a baseball player?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know innings.”

The man slays even when he’s not trying.

This Tuxedo Says is from April 22, 2021: Tuxedo is also overjoyed at the idea that, somewhere in Mar-a-Lago, Thing #45 is throwing an epic hissy fit.

And it’s stunning to see that, no matter how things change, history repeats:

I don’t know who came up with this idea, but whoever thought of having cakes on cakes is an absolute genius!

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t pay six bucks to see Lionel Richie in concert but if I paid six hundred dollars to see him and all I got was an hourlong interview of Richie with Robin Roberts talking about his new book, I’d be in jail about now. But that happened this week when fans … seriously? … showed up at a Times Square concert venue for “Truly: An Evening of Lionel Richie and Friends.”

And now they are clamoring for their coins back … y’all should’a asked me first, I’d charge you just sixty bucks apiece to listen to me.

Sidenote: yes, the poster for the event says, “In conversation on his memoir,” but his Vegas residency is also called “Truly: An Evening of Lionel Richie and Friends” so I understand the confusion.

But again, they wanted 600 bucks a person to hear him talk?

The same guy telling pregnant women to 'tough it out' has been complaining about climbing one flight of stairs now for three days straight.

I have been painting the sunroom for the past few days. I was just going to do the ceiling since we had the skylights removed but then I decided I didn’t like the yellow walls so I'm switching that up.

But Rosita and Consuelo have been loving having the room all to themselves and taking advantage of the warm tile floors on these cool mornings. And while Consuelo looks like a lady enjoying the sun, Rosie sprawls out like a drunken whore quite well.

Apparently GOP tool Derrick Van Orden wants California Governor Gavin Newsom arrested for saying Stephen Miller is a fascist but … and this is for the people in the back:

STEPHEN MILLER IS A FASCIST.

PS I found this photo online … has Miller had work done?

Stevan Miladinovic is from Serbia and has a master’s degree in industrial engineering but has been living in Miami and Thailand as a model of late … so Would You Hit It?