I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Paris Hilton is still around, and apparently still buying tiny animals. See, back in September she paid some $13,000 for a Pomeranian puppy that will never weigh more than 2 pounds that she named Prince Hilton the Pom.

But he’s now at full-weight, so Paris needed a new tiny animal to carry around, not like a living thing, but like an accessory … a ring … a coke spoon … something, so she purchased two more dogs — one for her and one for her mom — for $25,000, and named her dog, Princess Paris Jr.

Ritzy name for a tiny dog that will probably be used as some kind of drug mule.

Note to Paris: I bet you could buy a nice dog for, oh say, $500 and then give $24,500 to charity? That thought ever cross your min — oh, never mind.

After The Sony Hack revealed the ugly truth about unequal pay for women in Hollywood, Charlize Theron decided enough was enough, and is insisting that she be paid the same as Chris Hemsworth in their upcoming movie, “The Huntsman” the sequel to Snow White and The Huntsman—which, I guess means Kristen Stewart, who played … and this makes me giggle … Snow White, won’t be back … halleloo!

Back to Charlize, who demanded the same ten million as Chris, saying she has a great track record. Um, okay, did anyone mention Aeon Flux or A Million Ways to Die in the West or Prometheus or Young Adult or Brandon Flowers: Crossfire or Astro Boy or The Road or The Burning Plain or Hancock or Sleepwalking or Battle in Seattle or North Country or Head in the Clouds or The Life and Death of Peter Sellers?

Great track record? Charlize, honey, who are you kidding. I’d pay ten million to see Chris Hemsworth walk across my living room in a fig leaf, but I wouldn’t pay ten bucks to see you ‘act.’

Just sayin’.

Oh goodness, that Kim Kardastrophe never fails to make everything about her.

Last week she and the Mad Man were finally together for a weekend in the Big Apple and celebrated John Legend’s birthday with him.

This picture is how Kim wished her friend a happy birthday: by placing her augmented boobs front and center and shoving the birthday boy to one side where he was almost cropped out.

Big ass, Big Head.

Swifty was at the Globes this week because, well, there are men there and she needs a new boyfriend and some material for new songs, so she wriggled into a gown and off she went.

And she hit the after-parties with new BFF Lorde. But one person she wasn’t counting on seeing … right, Taylor … was Golden Globe nominee and her ex-boyfriend, he of the classic Swifty tune, You’re No Jake, You’re A Rake Who Breaks My Heart, Jake Gyllenhaal.

And Swifty apparently had a meltdown because Jake was in the same room, and was dancing with Rita Ora and then with actress … I dunno who she is … Malin Akerman, then his sister, and then his co-star in Constellations on Broadway, Ruth Wilson.

This apparently sent Swifty into a spiral and an eyewitness — perhaps Lohan, drunk under a bar or something — said, “I saw her grab her friend’s hand and repeat, ‘We have to go. We have to go.’”

The source says Swifty scurried off to the bathroom, where she ran into BFFs Cara Delevingne, Dakota Johnson, and … oopsy … Rita Ora:

“The four girls were together and Taylor was having a mini meltdown. Cara’s arm was around Taylor, calming her down as Rita looked on. They were talking extremely closely.”

She left the bathroom and wandered around the lobby for a hot minute — her makeup smudged — before she and Cara sat on a bench out front.

Oh Swifty? Didn’t you date Jake about ten years ago? I mean, he might have seen you and wondered who you were and why they let an underage girl into the party.

But at least you’ll have something to write in your diary, and a new song to pop out like a bad case of diarrhea.

So, Kirstie Alley is thin again, y’all and has been making the rounds to promote Jenny Craig … again. She went on Howard Stern’s show and talked Jenny … and a lot of stuff jenny may not have wanted her to talk about.

:::cough Scientology ::: cough ::: Leah Remini :::: cough :::

She declared that she is now something called an OT Level VII Scientologist which means no one audits Kirstie, Kirstie audits herself; and also meaning she’s nearly as high-up as Top Tiny Scientologist Tom Cruise, who is at Level VIII. I think Level VII is the Certifiably Insane Level. ALLEGEDLY.

Kirstie also threw shade at old pal, and former Scientologist, Leah Remini. Remini famously left the COS in 2013 after filing a missing persons report for COS head honcho David Miscavige’s wife, Shelley. The report went nowhere because Miscavige was able to halt the investigation by the LAPD and Kirstie went after Leah, though she’s always denied that allegation:

“She left the religion and she was very critical. That’s just sort of water under the bridge. There’s nothing going on and there was nothing going on for years. I didn’t shun her, but if a lot of people are rejecting you, at some point you gotta ask, ‘What am I doing?’ I mean, that’s what I would have asked myself.”

She didn’t shun Leah but a lot of people did? Uh huh. And if a lot of people shun you does that mean you needed to be shunned, or does it mean that a cult wants to distance itself from a member who broke away.

I’d wait for Kristie’s response, but she’s having a sammich and one does not disturb Kirstie when she’s with a sammich.

So, does JLo have a new much younger boyfriend, or is she just dating her The Boy Next Door co-star Ryan Guzman until the movie comes out and bombs and then she’ll dump him?

I mean, she did bring him as her Plus One to the Globes and the two posed together on the carpet, and she introduced him to everybody. And he’d be perfect for her because he’s twenty-seven to her forty-five, so he’s still in Son of JLo age range.

But, is it just me or is something pinging about Guzman? I mean, JLo allegedly has a habit of going for The Gays.

Right, Casper?

Did y’all see Justin Bieber’s Calvin Klein ads where he’s trying to Marky Mark his way into our hearts?

Not working because, even though Marky Mark was kind of a dangerous, criminal type, Justin is more of an egg-tossing, drag-racing wannabe, so, yeah, there’s that.

There is also the fact that the ads were photoshopped to bulk up Bieber’s pecs and crotch, and even though the photos are out there, The Biebs and his team are in suing mode ore anyone who says the ad isn’t all Bieber.

In fact, Team Bieber sent a cease and desist letter to the website that first posted the ALLEGED un-retouched Calvin Klein photo, asking to have the photo removed. His people say the photo isn’t real and, darn it, the picture made Justin cry so y’all just stop it. Now.

On a sicker note, Team Bieber even had Bieber’s personal trainer, Patrick Nilsson, give a statement on how big the Bieber junk is:

“I can definitely confirm that he is a well-endowed guy.”

Wait. A guy is talking Bieber junk? Couldn’t they get a stripper to confirm it? Or Selena Gomez?

Just sayin’.

More trouble over there at The View and this time it isn’t about Whoopi and Rosie O trying to wrestle control over the show from the other.

This time word on the street is that Rosie Perez will soon be out. Or that she’s already gone because she was just sick of that whole toxic environment.

Perez hasn’t been on The View all month because she’s ALLEGEDLY been busy rehearsing the Broadway play Fish in the Dark; Rosie O has been saying that Perez will be out for the rest of the month but will be back next month, though sources — and it could be Lohan angling for a TV gig — say that isn’t going to happen. That source says Rosie P “never got a hang of the show’s mixture of hard and soft news” and she has trouble reading the TelePrompTer … ouch … though a spokeswhore for ABC — and that could be Barbara Walters — says:

 “Rosie Perez is currently in rehearsal for her Broadway play for the month of January. Her status with the show has not changed.”

There is also a rumor that ABC is gonna kill The View to add another hour to the far more popular, and less drama-filled, Good Morning America.

That I can see.

Let’s finish with more Biebs … During his vacation in Turks and Caicos, Justin Bieber ran into Rolling Stone Keith Richards. Justin, who figures himself rock royalty, wandered over to Keith’s table for a drink when, according to a source — possibly Selena Gomez hiding under the table to measure Justin’s, er, inseam, for a tabloid — says:

 “Justin tried to bro down with him.”

To which Richards ALLEGEDLY — though I believe it — said:

“Let’s get one thing straight. You’re a wannabe.”

Better than another group this week, a conservative political group that mistook Justin Bieber for Miley Cyrus.

That’s seriously happened.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Filed Under: Courtney Love Is One Hot Mess
It seems that Courtney is back on the Big Trouble Bus.

Last week she was invited to Paul Haggis' Artists for Peace and Justice fund-raiser for Haitian schools and ALLEGEDLY stirred up a heap'o'trouble.As only CLove can do.

First, she made a spectacle of herself at the event's auction, getting into a rather nasty bidding war with Gerard Butler over a tea date with Adrien Brody.

I know. let's digest that tidbit before we move on.
Gerard Butler wanted a tea date with Adrien Brody so badly he was bidding and bidding against Courtney Love. Care to tell us something Gerard? You like a little "tea"  with the boys?

Meanwhile, back at CLove. She won the bidding war, offering $17,000 for Tea With Adrien, but then she bid frantically for a walk-on role in Haggis' next film because, well, CLove would need to pay someone to be in their film, and not the other way round.

Then things got really weird.

CLove, on an ALLEGED champagne and gin and whiskey and cocaine and meth bender began to stumble around the room, stopping at random tables and shrieking at random people, and then staring at their food.

To top it off, late in the night, CLove was ALLEGEDLY found in the dressing room of the band Axixs, while they were performing, "rummaging through their purses."

Of course, when spotted with her hands in the Birken bag, CLove stood aside, and politely asked "if they had any makeup for her to use." Then she went back to the bags, pulling out makeup she liked and pocketed it.

Axixs members ended up tossing out everything for hygienic reasons.

CLove, Part Deaux

CLove has apologized to a journalist for being drunk during her interview with the New York Times.

Oh yeah, and for being naked, too.

While CLove, whose life since husband, Nirvana singer, Kurt Cobain's suicide sixteen years ago, has been nothing short of spectacular rises and failures, has been working hard lately to position herself as a "reformed" CLove in an attempt to mend her relationship with her estranged 18-year-old daughter Frances Bean.

The NYT interview began with Love copping to being "slightly" drunk, after she kept reporter Eric Wilson waiting over an hour for her arrival. But then she also apologized for appearing for the interview devoid of clothing.

Oh, she did slip into a pair of underwear she claimed cost $4,000, and a trench coat before walking through the hotel lobby with her breasts exposed.

The next day, CLove apologized to Wilson with a text message that said a mixture of the anti-depressant drug Zoloft and a cocktail was responsible for her wild behavior: "I'm so humiliated. That simply isn't me. It has been, but I haven't been such a mess for quite some time. I trust you understand that our hearts can take us all to dark and ill timed places."

Takes us places, gets us drunk, and then removes our clothes. ALLEGEDLY.

People say Jessica Alba is gorgeous. Now, I don't know about that; I've seen prettier girls at The Waffle House on US 1 in Smallville.

But, one thing you never hear folks say about Alba is how smart she is.

Case in point:
This is Jessica Alba, talking about actors and scripts:

“Good actors never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.”

See, Jessica is so good that she simply makes up her own lines for her roles. But then realizing that most of her roles are truly awful, well, maybe she has something there.

But, not according to screenwriter John August:

“I have to believe she was misquoted, or excerpted in some unflattering way … Oh, Jessica. Where to start? … Following your logic, you’ve never been in a movie with both good actors and amazing writing. That may be true, but it might hurt the feelings of David Wain, Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller. … Screenwriters can be your best friends. We are pushovers for attractive people who pay attention to us. I wrote that bathtub scene in Big Fish because Jessica Lange made brief eye contact with me. So if you’re not getting great writing — and honestly, you’re not — ask to have lunch with the screenwriter. I’ve seen you on interviews. You’re charming. That charm could work wonders.”

Think of that Jessica, while you wade through more scripts like Valentine's Day and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and The Eye and The Love Guru.

So, let me get this queer.

Charlie Sheen ALLEGEDLY hired a hooker...oops, porn star...got nekkid, got drunk, ALLEGEDLY did oodles of coke, and had a complete meltdown, but he calls it "one bad night."

What exactly does Sheen consider a disaster?

The actor[?] drug addict, alcohol, spousal abuser, recently spoke out over the now infamous incident at the Plaza Hotel, and all he has to say is:
"If a guy has one bad night everybody goes insane and panics… I'm not panicking. The way I look at it, if you have expensive tastes, you gotta be prepared for expensive losses. Doing great, just finished a show… [I'm] back to work. Everything's good, everything's good."

Everthing's good.

Hookers. Coke. Booze. Psychotic break.
Wow.
Don't worry about how your insane behavior affects your children, all those ex-wives, and the hookers in the closets that you terrorized for not stealing your wallet.
He's a sick fuck, isn't he?

Perhaps taking a page from the CLove Interview Handbook there are ALLEGATIONS out of Sweden that Keith Richards got into a little row with a journalist and physically attacked him during their interview.

Richards is currently out promoting his new autobiography and granted the Swedish publication Aftonbladets a 30-minute interview without knowing who the reporter was.

Well, turns out the reporter was Markus Larsson, who back in 2007, gave the Rolling Stones a scathing concert review, describing them as "amateurs."

Now, most folks agree that the Stones are one of the biggest and best rock bands in the world, and one could assume that the boys in the band know that, too.

But Larsson's review has always stuck with Richards and, having never forgotten the slight, he got into a fierce argument with the reporter once he realized who he was.

Richards demanded a public apology.

Larsson refused.

It ALLEGEDLY got ugly.

According to sources--and by sources I mean the trainers who handle Keith Richards and keep him upright and as coherent as possible--the "meeting ended with the rock star threatening Markus Larsson and hitting him in the head."

And Larsson, in his write-up, says that Richards hissed, "You're lucky to get out of here alive" before leaving.

Keith? Build a bridge and get over it. You're got millions to spend on your excesses and one little bad review sends you over the edge?