Bobservations

Last week Carlos wasn’t feeling well, stuffy and sneezy and such. He thought he might have COVID so we got him a test. That night, as he readied to take the test he told me he didn’t think it was COVID because he still had his sense of smell.

“And I have taste, too.”

“Honey, you’re wearing crocs. You have no taste.”

He took the test; he was negative … for COVID and taste!

The GOP is so out of touch with what the People want; they ran on the border crisis, the fentanyl crisis, inflation, eggs,. Gas stoves and now all you hear is Hunter Biden. Vote Blue forever.

Prosecutors entered a Proud Boys handbook into evidence during one of the trials this week, and it outlines everything from the group’s ideology, communal initiation procedures, group songs and chants, to bizarre rules banning individual behavior including the wearing of fedoras … and masturbation.

“This is our religion. A Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more often than once every thirty days […] if he needs to ejaculate it must be within one yard of a woman with her consent. The woman may not be a prostitute.”

The rule also denies an exception for cyber-sex with one’s wife and … Wait, forget about the rules on chicken joking, they have songs?? Are these just a bunch of radicalized showtune queens?

Embattled GOP Congressional Liar George Washington Carver Gershwin Santos told House Republicans that he will step down from his committee assignments because he’s a distraction.

Good first step, asshat, now step out of Congress.

I was walking past a farm the other day and a sign on the barn read, “Duck, eggs” and I thought that was an odd place for a comma.

Then it hit me.

I was feeling a little thought-provoking today, so here’s a question for y’all to answer.

The GOP-controlled House Oversight and Accountability Committee has disbanded the Subcommittee on Civil Rights and Civil Liberties, which focused on issues including voting rights, freedom of assembly and criminal justice reform policies.

That right there is the GOP agenda: voter suppression.

This is Stefano Marshall or Stefano Tomadini or Stefano Marshall Tomadini, I’m not sure which. But I know he loves running around nekkid and has purty blue eyes but, Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

I didn’t think I would have a Carlos story this week. I mean, not because Carlos doesn’t do The Crazy or doesn’t make me laugh, but because sometimes I forget it as I sit down to write this post. But, just now, sitting at the computer,. Commenting on blogs, Carlos comes into the office. We chat a little, and then he walks to the desk to pick up his iPad which is next to me. His fingers graze my arm, and he says:

“Oh, you have a little company there.”

“Who?”

“Isn’t this Max?” His fingers travel up and down my arm.

“That’s not a cat, that’s your husband."

Yes, he thought my arm, which is not at all a hairy arm, was a fur covered cat. Oy.

Forget the idea of explaining to a cat, try explaining that to children who are now terrified of going to school.

During a radio appearance last week, The Kenosha Murderer did his best impression of a high school athlete announcing his college choice on National Signing Day by pulling a Texas A&M hat from under a table, putting on his head, and saying:

“I’m going to be going there, and it’s going to be awesome.”

Odd then that a university official released a statement that The Kenosha Murder isn’t attending Texas A&M:

“He has not been admitted as a student this summer or fall.”

To be fair, he’s a murderer so it isn’t much of a stretch for him to be a fucking liar, too.

Pope Francis added fuel to rumors about his future as Pope by announcing he would visit L’Aquila for a feast initiated by Pope Celestine V, one of the few pontiffs who resigned before Pope Benedict XVI stepped down in 2013. Italian and Catholic media have been speculating that Frankie might be retiring, given his increased mobility problems that have forced him to use a wheelchair recently.

Now, work with me here because I have a theory. You see, Queen Elizabeth just had her Platinum Jubilee, and there are rumors that she might step down, given that she is in her last nineties. And she is newly widowed so … maybe it’s true that Betty Windsor and Frankie Pope are a “thing”? I mean, c’mon, they both love fancy robes and jewel-encrusted headwear and pomp and circumstance; Grindr couldn’t make a better match..

And what’s their celebrity name? Peen? Quope? Fretty? Bankie?

In Republicans Are Pigs News … in Tennessee, mere minutes after a vigil for the victims of the mass shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde, the state’s GOP asshat of a governor, Bill Lee, had the memorial deconstructed and removed from the building.

According to video from local news organization The Tennessee Holler, all the flowers, cards, a teddy bear, and even a letter to the governor signed by dozens of clergy, appeared headed for the garbage.

Not a real surprise Lee is a pig; last year he signed legislation allowing almost any adult to carry a firearm without a permit/license, training, or insurance.

Fuck Bill Lee and the GOP and Tennessee.

Last week, we went to a Memorial Day gathering at our friends, the Round-The-Way-Gays, Neal and David, who have recently moved back to Camden. We saw a bunch of old friends we hadn’t seen since the pandemic started and had a lovely afternoon of food and drinks and laughs.

As we were eating David, the perfect host and bartender, asked if I wanted another margarita. I replied:

“Oh, one is my limit.”

“But this will be your fourth!”

"I didn’t say I adhered to it.”

And the fourth was the best one ever.

Antonio Sherrodd McGarity of Arlington, Texas, pleaded guilty last week to Lewd, Indecent, or Obscene Acts While on an Aircraft and was sentenced to 48 days in prison, followed by one year of probation. He is also prohibited from flying commercially in the United States while on probation.

What did he do? Well, during a Southwest Airlines flight from Seattle to Phoenix, McGarity exposed himself to other passengers while masturbating several times.

Wow, and that’s just a 3-hour flight. Imagine how many times he could have choked his chicken if he was headed to Australia?

Fox News will be the only major news network not to air the entire January 6 Committee hearings live probably because some of their most vile on-air talent is complicit in the attempt to overthrow the government.

Plus, Fox News can’t handle the truth.

The other day Debra had a post on She Who Seeks  about companies that profess their support of the LGBTQ+ community only during Pride month, but what about the ones who think their showing Pride when they’re just showing ridiuclousness? Amirite Burger King?

To be fair, amirite Burger King Austria? This week the fast-food company unveiled its new Pride Whopper, which features “same-sex” buns and asks that age old question: are you a top or are you a bottom?

“We stand for the equal rights of all identities and sexual orientations. A little twist to put a smile on your face and remind us to treat each other respectfully and peacefully. No matter who you are and who you love.”

Is it really “respectful” to make your Pride burger something that could be interpreted as being a sexual joke about “tops” and “bottoms”? And then think about those conservative wingnut parents trying to explain to their kids why mommy’s a top and daddy’s a bottom.

This is the most ridiculous attempt at pretending to have LGBTQ+ Pride as I have ever seen.

In the wake of all the mass shootings in the United States of Guns a new poll conducted by CBS News and YouGov surveyed Americans about their thoughts on guns and gun control, asking respondents if they felt that mass shootings are an unavoidable by-product of a “free society” or if they believed the issue could be tackled.

Forty-four percent of all respondents who identified as Republicans believe mass shootings are “unfortunately something we have to accept as part of a free society.”

I wonder if any of these illiterate fuckmonkeys will feel the same when their little Billy or Julie gets slaughtered in the schoolyard.

Lucien Laviscount is a thirty-year-old is a British actor with a rockin’ bod and a delightful. That’s all you get … Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

First story: as we inch toward Halloween I would like to share the three scariest words in my life; it’s Carlos saying:

“I … was … thinking … ”

Shivers.

Second story: because we are such true romantics, we decided that the 20th anniversary gift is garden equipment, so we bought a new lawn mower.

Who said romance is dead? Not me!

If you were looking for a good reason to vote, Tuxedo says you should think of it like this:

I am dying over here because my favorite serial killer is coming back to TV.

Showtime has announced that Dexter will be back next year, with star Michael C. Hall, for 10 new episodes.

I’m here for the Bay Harbor Butcher again.

Merriam-Webster dictionary has changed “sexual preference” to be an “offensive” term  after SCOTUS nominee Amy Coney Barrett used the term—twice—and didn’t acknowledge it, or faux-pologize, until Senator Mazie Hirono took her to task for it; the dictionary says:

“The term preference as used to refer to sexual orientation is widely considered offensive in its implied suggestion that a person can choose who they are sexually or romantically attracted to.”

Merriam-Webster confirmed the change was made because of Barrett’s homophobia.

It’s not just ReTHUGlicans who are despicable, sometime Democrats are just as asshatted.

Last week Georgia state Representative Vernon Jones, a conservative MAGAt-loving, _____-supporting Democrat, crowdsurfed over a packed, mostly maskless crowd at ______’s superspreader rally in Macon.

Again, I don’t wish the virus on anyone, but if Jones were to come down with COVID-19 I might not really care.

From the Stupid File comes ______, who warned a crowd at a Corona-palooza rally in Nevada that Joe Biden would “listen to the scientists” if elected.

Oh no! Not science! ______ then added:

“If I listened totally to the scientists, we would right now have a country that would be in a massive depression.”

I guess millions and millions out of work doesn’t matter as long as the markets go up.

Cast a goddamned vote!!

More stupid? CNN analyst and New Yorker contributor Jeffrey Toobin was caught masturbating on a Zoom “election simulation” in front of prominent journalists and producers.

Seriously? A grown-ass man in the middle of a zoom call, takes a break and decides to whip out his dick for a few strokes, without turning off the camera?

The New Yorker has suspended Toobin, and he has taken a leave from CNN.

Moving on to The Liar File … a few weeks ago ______ said he would spend up to $100 million of his own money on his reelection bid. Cut to October and ______ has contributed about $8,000.

Maybe he doesn’t really want it this time … or he’s broke … so let’s give him his wish.

Cast a goddamned vote!

Last week SCOTUS declared that Pennsylvania mail-in ballots that are received up to three days after the election must be counted,  and this week a U.S. federal appeals court left in place North Carolina’s plan for counting absentee ballots that arrive after Election Day.

A smackdown for _____,  but a win for democracy and free and fair elections.

Despite a federal judge's order that the US reunite families separated at the border under _____’s "no tolerance" immigration policy, the parents of 545 children still can't be found.

Thanks America; you’re complicit in stealing children from their parents. How proud we must be.

This week Pope Francis called for the passage of civil union laws for same-sex couples.

Look at that! The Pope and, by extension, the Catholic Church, have finally arrived … in 2000. How long before they join the rest of us in 2020?

After all this rubbish, I need a beefy hunk to cleanse my palate … so here’s Tom Berklund, an out Broadway actor, singer, dancer, and, as you can see, a very hot man.

He sings, he dances, he poses in his underwear … 

Okay  … 

In Case You Didn't Already Know: Don't Masturbate at IKEA

Apparently an IKEA store in China has had to increase security after surveillance footage revealed a woman masturbating in the store.

Seriously? At IKEA?

The video shows a woman strolling around an IKEA store and stopping in random spots tp give herself, not a five-finger discount, but a five-finger pleasure boost. And when IKEA caught wind of the in-store pussy-grabbing, they chose to act.

Oh, they didn’t find the Pleasuring Client, but did release a statement:

“We resolutely oppose and condemn this kind of behavior, and immediately reported it to the police in the city of the suspected store.”

They also said they will take “even more careful security and public cleanliness measures” and asked that customers “browse stores in an orderly and civilized way.” 

IKEA also warned non-masturbating clients to perhaps steer clear of the As-Is section until the DNA test results come back. Who know IKEA furnishings would give a customer lady wood?

Just sayin’.

Bobservations

Last week we took Ozzo to the vet to have a dental cleaning and a growth removed from his hind leg. During the initial examination, which occurred a few days before, we were told the dental would be $787.00 and the “tumor” removal would be a shade over $800; we were also told that if any teeth needed to be removed that would be an additional charge.

I asked the doctor if there was a way we could whore out Ozzo to defray some of the costs … perhaps use him as a blood donor for other dogs at $50 a pop? Perhaps use him in their dog training classes as the What Not To Do Dog? Sadly, no.

Well, we learned as the surgical day went on that he had several teeth removed—he’s an older dog now, no matter how tiny he looks—and so as I picked Carlos up after work and we went to get Ozzo, we both muttered something like:

“It’s gonna be two thousand dollars for this dog.”

I, however, was the only one who asked if maybe we could just not go get the dog and skip out on the bill, and Carlos reminded me that the office manager at the vet’s office is the daughter of my boss and, well … damn this small town!

But, when we got to the office, and I pushed Carlos, kicking and screaming toward the counter, we learned that the entire bill was … $985, because Ozzo handled the anesthesia so well, and his little heart is so strong, that they were able to do both procedures one after the other, saving us about $800.

Ozzo. Even in a cone hat I think we’ll keep him.

The Fat Bastard’s new lawyer, Rudy “Dial All Nines For Legal Advice” Giuliani says _____ repaid attorney Michael Cohen for that $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels to keep quiet about their affair but … it was just last month that the Fat Bastard told reporters he knew nothing about the payment, he didn’t know why Cohen made the payment and didn’t know where Cohen had gotten the money.

And yet now it appears he did pay Cohen back, so, everyone’s lying about this mess and if ______ didn’t disclose this payout on his financial disclosure forms that could be trouble.

Still, the best part is that they are claiming that _____ paid back a loan for hush money to a porn star who claims she had sex with _____—sorry, I threw up in mouth a little—that ____ says never happened.

Yes, he paid off a porn star for not having sex with him and then not talking about the sex they didn’t have.

Speaking of hypocrites, Mike “I’m Not Gay” Pence was in Tempe, Arizona, to headline an event for the pro-____ group America First Policies. And, in his speech, Pence singled out former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio for praise:

"A great friend of this president, a tireless champion of strong borders and the rule of law. Sheriff Joe Arpaio, I'm honored to have you here."

Wow … I thought Good Christians don’t lie because, as far as that "tireless champion of strong borders and the rule of law " business:

In 2011, a federal judge ordered Arpaio to stop stopping anyone who was not directly suspected of having committed a state or federal crime. Arpaio never acknowledged that order and continued enforcing his own brand of immigration policy. He was found guilty of criminal contempt and was scheduled to be sentenced last fall—until the Fat Bastard pardoned him because, well, racists stick together.

Oh, and let’s not forget the time that Joe Arpaio once faked an assassination attempt, then framed a man for it — all to win sympathy for his reelection campaign. The innocent man spent 4 years in jail until the lie was revealed; Arizona taxpayers footed the $1 million settlement.

And that’s who Mike “I’m Not Gay” Pence thinks would be a good candidate for Senate because, again, racists stick together.

Ah, the Catholic Church, shaming women for centuries …. 

Divine Child High School in Dearborn, Michigan, has come up with a plan to keep their female students from attending prom in revealing outfits. If any girl shows up in a dress that school officials deem risqué, they will be given a … wait for it, it’s rich … “Modesty Poncho” to wear.

Yup.

Donte Robinson and Rashon Nelson, the two black men arrested for sitting while black at a Philadelphia Starbucks settled with the world's biggest coffee-shop chain Wednesday for an undisclosed sum and be given the opportunity to complete their bachelor's degrees, their tuition fully covered, through a Starbucks partnership with Arizona State University. Also, the men will be given the chance to discuss their experience and share their recommendations for changes at Starbucks with former Attorney General Eric Holder.

But, better than that, the two men reached a deal with the city Philadelphia for $1 each and a promise from officials to set up a $200,000 program for young entrepreneurs:

"We thought long and hard about it, and we feel like this is the best way to see that change that we want to see. It’s not a right-now thing that's good for right now, but I feel like we will see the true change over time."— Donte Robinson

The men portrayed the twin settlements as an effort to make sure something positive came out of the April 12 incident.

Let’s hope.

Now, in Hate The Gays News, the Oklahoma House passed a bill that will allow adoption and foster care agencies to discriminate against parents whose lives violate the “sincerely held religious beliefs” of the agency.

I never knew an agency could have “sincerely held religious beliefs” but, still, the idiotically named “Adoption Protection Act” passed the GOP-controlled house in a 60-26 vote cuz, you know, Republicans hate The Gays.

Oklahoma Governor, and noted anti-LGBTQ bigot, Mary Fallin, a Republican because, of course, is expected to sign the bill.

So, Oklahoma would rather kids stay in foster care, in orphanages, in state care than be adopted by loving same-sex couples because, oh yeah, Hate The Gays.

In Good Gay News … 

After Zach Link, a Washington DC man who was brutally attacked in an anti-gay hate crime, is smiling again, now that DC dentist, Dr. Christopher Banks fixed his broken teeth for free.

When Dr Banks, also a member of the LGBTQ community,  learned of the attack on Link, he offered to help; he met with Zach and proceeded to restore his smile. Banks says:

“[The LGBTQ] community is beautiful in its resilience and desire to support each other. In a day and age wherein we shake our heads and proclaim hate and violence toward the LGBTQ is senseless and barbaric, we all know it still happens and all we can do is try to help each other pick up the pieces in the aftermath. Without knowing the depth, breadth and expense of Zach’s injuries, I reached out and offered full care because we are all members of a powerful loving LGBTQ community before anything else. It is through these acts of love in the face of hate that we will persist, thrive, and succeed in showing the world we want to be ‘one’.”

The march goes on, if we all stick together.

More Good Gays News … 

The New Zealand rugby team All Blacks and its sister team Black Ferns have amazing new jerseys to celebrate equality; the jerseys appear black when worn, but when stretched they reveal a rainbow:

“The result is a fabric that maintains its black appearance when at rest, but when stretched, reveals the deeper grooved portions of each rib and the colors underneath.”

LGBTQ supportive … and cool.

Jessica Farrar, a Texas Democratic … yes, Democratic … Representative has proposed a bill that would fine a man $100 each time he masturbates. The bill also imposes a 24-hour waiting period if a guy wants a colonoscopy or a vasectomy, or if he's in the market for some Viagra.

I first thought this was the height of stupidity, and thanked the goddess that I don’t live in Texas as I could not afford the Jerk Off Tax—I kid—but Farrar only introduced the bill to give male lawmakers a taste of their own medicine.

"Let's look at what Texas has done to women. What if men had to undergo the same intrusive procedures?"

Farrar's bill would penalize men for masturbation because … insert sarcasm … such behavior is a failure to preserve the sanctity of life and "an act against an unborn child."

I imagine Texas male lawmakers, though, don’t get the hypocrisy.

Pray Live, a division of the Maryland Prayer Center, has offered their response to the glut of gun violence in this country by giving concerned students and their families prayer wrist bands to wear. The organization’s founder, Wenda Royster, says God told her to do this:

“‘I need you to heal this nation by reminding school children and their parents that no matter what is going on around them, I am always there. Remember, only prayer changes behavior and things.' So, I created wristbands for mass distribution across the Country to remind our children that God is there with them, and that prayer changes things.”

Um, Wenda? Unless the wristbands are made from the same thing as Wonder Woman’s bracelets, which can actually stop bullets, you might wanna rethink this, because I can guarantee that at every mass shooting people are praying to stay alive as they are being shot to death, so your prayers are kinda useless.

Ass.

I’ve heard it said that you don’t make passes at boys who wear glasses. I beg to differ. 

Artyom Dubovik begs me to differ.