I Ain't One To Gossip ...

Again …I don’t watch Dancing with the Used-To-Be-Stars-or-Second-Bananas-Or-Retired-Athletes-Or Actors-Looking-For-A-Comeback and never have, but I do read about it, especially now that Tyra Trainwreck Banks is the new host.

That bitch just can’t get through a show without a hideous dress or a huge on-air mix-up, like this week when they were whittling down the dancers to the bottom two.

And yet, she left three couples on the dance floor—Anne Heche and partner [who knows their names]; Vernon Davis and partner; Chrishell Stause [who?]and her partner—and called them the bottom two.

Bitch can’t count; and apparently can’t read either because she’d just finished telling Monica Aldama [another who?] and her partner that they were safe, and yet they weren’t. Trainwreck said:

“There’s actually been an error. I’m looking right now and we have three couples, so we need to clarify this for one second. The bottom two couples are Anne and Keo and Monica and Val.”

So, she has Monica come back out, while the judges tried to shoo Vernon and partner, and Chrishell Stause [who?]and partner offstage lest Trainwreck screw things up again.

And like she did the last time she screwed up she released the same crap from her mouth:

“This is live TV, right? This is the craziness of live TV… This is live TV. I was reading my cards, but my cards were wrong. So here we go. …  This is live TV, and we’re all human.”

Yeah, except the last host they had never did that in the 48 years this show has been on TV, Tyra. Perhaps a little less time win the makeup chair with the spatula, and a little less time picking a dressing from the ugly, pile, and little more time paying attention.

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Mariah’s back with more snippets from the book she “wrote” The Importance of Being Mimi or whatever. And this time she’s dogging her ex-fiancé, who had to sue to get the ring back, by the way, James Packer.

Mariah dated and was engaged to the Australian billionaire for 8 months until he finally, truthfully, literally, paid her off to go away—and here I thought Lindsay Lohan was a hooker—and she tells the world that the two never had sex in their entire relationship.

That must have been the world’s longest, and least fulfilling, dry hump … until James’ wallet shot the wad of bills at Mariah and she went home.

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Speaking of people who “write” books about their lives, we now have gossip-monger Perez Hilton who has written about the time he made out with John Mayer in his book, TMI: My Life in Scandal.

It seems that in 2007, Hilton had finished co-hosting MTV’s New Year’s Eve celebrations with Christina Aguilera and the two of them decided to hit a club in Chelsea where they met up with Jessica Simpson and her then-boyfriend John Mayer.

Perez ALLEGES that as they all sat down, Mayer leaned into him and said:

“I like to watch gay porn, you know. My favorite porn star is Brent Corrigan. He really turns me on.”

Hilton then ALLEGES that Mayer leaned in and shoved his tongue into Hilton’ mouth, and Hilton, despite being momentarily paralyzed, began making out with Mayer.

Hilton ALLEGES that Simpson watched her boyfriend and Hilton make-out but covered her face with her hair. I’d have gone to the kitchen for bleach and a Brillo Pad™ to scrub my eyes clean. I mean, look at the pair of ‘em up there… creepy and creepier.

Mayer and Simpson’s reps are not responding because, again, ick, but Mayer has spoken of it:

"The only man I kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can out gay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”

Again, ick.

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Former Beverly Hills, 90210 has-beens Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling are addressing Jessica Alba’s ALLEGATIONS that she wasn’t allowed to make eye contact with the cast when she filmed an episode of the show fifty-six years ago. In a teaser for their new podcast, 9021OMG, both Garth and Spelling said they didn’t recall such a rule:

“Tori, did you — I just need to know, did you tell her not to look me in the eye?” “Why’s it all about you?” “Well, because I had all the scenes with her, like, if anybody was, you know, didn’t want to have their eyes looked into, it would’ve been me. But I don’t remember because I have the world’s worst memory.” Spelling then speculated that maybe the producers sent around a “cool memo” that mandated the odd request. This bit of fluff began last week when Alba appeared on Hot Ones and spoke of ‘The Rule’: “I couldn’t even make eye contact with any of the cast members, which was really strange when you’re like trying to do a scene with them. It was like, ‘You’re not allowed to make eye contact with any one of the cast members or you’ll be thrown off the set.’” Garth, who was the one not being looked at, will only say that she  remembers Alba as being “super talented”: “She was very young, and she was really sweet. It does not surprise me that she’s gone on to be so successful.” Perhaps because she didn’t look at the cast, Alba didn’t have whatever talent she has, or had, sucked out of her body by a cast of talentless acting vampires. photo

“Tori, did you — I just need to know, did you tell her not to look me in the eye?”

“Why’s it all about you?”

“Well, because I had all the scenes with her, like, if anybody was, you know, didn’t want to have their eyes looked into, it would’ve been me. But I don’t remember because I have the world’s worst memory.”

Spelling then speculated that maybe the producers sent around a “cool memo” that mandated the odd request.

This bit of fluff began last week when Alba appeared on Hot Ones and spoke of ‘The Rule’:

“I couldn’t even make eye contact with any of the cast members, which was really strange when you’re like trying to do a scene with them. It was like, ‘You’re not allowed to make eye contact with any one of the cast members or you’ll be thrown off the set.’”

Garth, who was the one not being looked at, will only say that she  remembers Alba as being “super talented”:

“She was very young, and she was really sweet. It does not surprise me that she’s gone on to be so successful.”

Perhaps because she didn’t look at the cast, Alba didn’t have whatever talent she has, or had, sucked out of her body by a cast of talentless acting vampires.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gosh I love dirt … and now a celebrity stylist by the name of Tamaran is giving me life, and possibly ruining her career, by dishing on who is the absolutely worst when it comes to diva behavior.

Tamaran, who worked as an assistant to several stylists from 2008 to 2017, unloaded about her former clients, like JLo:

“I knew this one for years. There’s a reason why she can’t hold down a costumer or a seamstress. In order to talk to J Lo you can’t look at her. In order to talk to her you have to talk to God.”

And Katherine Heigl: 

“If 2020 was a career, it would be Katherine Heigl. Friends of mine who have worked on set with her and photoshoots have told me that she is extremely difficult and always mad.”

On Jessica Alba: 

“If 2020 was an attitude it would be Jessica Alba…she’s not nice. She loves to rub hummus on her dress, play mind games with you, [and] she does this thing where she talks to you while not talking to you.

On Alexis Knapp: 

“There’s some celebrities who pay, some who take forever to pay, and some who just don’t pay because they think their name is enough … that was Alexis Knapp. [Her 2015 MTV Movie awards look] was one of the most difficult looks to put together. Whilst being fitted in this dress, Alexis decided it would be wonderful to eat a slice of chocolate ice cream cake. Part of the cake melted onto the dress, and guess who had to clean it? Oh, but it gets better … a designer lent Alexis $1,300 worth of jewelry … and let’s just say that she couldn’t ‘find it’. When my boss asked for payment, Alexis responded with, ‘I needed to pay you?’”

Tamaran wasn’t all negative; she said nice things about actor Jacob Elordi, George Clooney and Ariel Winter, and says Carrie Underwood is “the sweetest person on the planet” and Selena Gomez is, “one of the most professional human beings in the industry.” 

Now, I get JLo because she was almost nominated for an Oscar for playing herself in a movie so she has an ego as big as her ass; and I get Heigl because she thinks she’s a major star but she’s really a TV hack-tress looking for work, but that Alexis Knapp?

Who is she? JLo Jr.?

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Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello first became a thing last July and while many thought it was just a stunt that created in a PR firm basement to promote their single and take the heat off the rumors that Shawn is a big old homo, they proved everyone wrong by fulfilling their long-term relationship contract.

And now they are, ahem, “on a break.”

Sources say 22-year-old Shawn and 23-year-old Camila are taking some time apart to focus on their respective music careers even though it was their music careers that brought them together in the first place.

Huh? What? Rumor has it that, after quarantining in in Camila’s Miami home, the two would head back to Shawn’s place in LA, until Camila said, “Uh, naaaa.” But maybe their love will return because their respective representatives say, as a way of proof, that neither has erased the other from their social media accounts.

True love, or just the idea that relationships created for social media never really die …they just face away.

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A funny, makes perfect sense, totally insane, Tom Cruise story about running.

Cruise spends a lot of time in his films running, and now actress Annabelle Wallis, who co-starred with Tom in 2017’s reboot-bomb of The Mummy, is following in the footsteps of Thandie Newton and Rob Lowe and spilling the tea on Cruise Crazy by revealing that no one … no one … is allowed to run in the same shot as Tom Cruise until she let him watch her run. Wallis explains:

“I got to run on-screen with him, but he told me no at first. He said, ‘Nobody runs on-screen [with me],’ and I said, ‘But I’m a really good runner.’ So, I would time my treadmill so that he’d walk in and see me run. And then he added all these running scenes. So, that was it. It was, like, better than an Oscar. I was so happy! I was so happy that I got to run on-screen with Tom Cruise.”

Perhaps it’s because Tom equates women running from him than with him.

Amirite Katie? Amirite Nicole?

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He says he didn’t go under the knife!

Bitch.Please! On the left is a still photo of 51-year-old Todd Chrisley, the not-the-least-bit-gay daddy on reality hot mess, Chrisley Knows Best from last March, while on the right is a picture that Todd Chrisley posted on Instagram a few days ago.

Looks like his Throw-Back-Thursday went back about 30 years. But Todd Chrisley swears, and stomps his feet and hisses, and swears again that his new look is not the work of Melanie and Ivanka’s doctor, but that it’s just a little Botox and … wait for it, it’s the height of delusional …the work of God.

Again … Bitch.Please!

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Juicy … it looks as if Lori “Big House Aunt Becky” Loughlin and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, also dragged their “social media” star daughter, Olivia Jade, into their college scam scheme.

While Lori and Mossimo finally pleaded guilty to their role in the College Admissions Scandal, by admitting to paying $500,00 to scam artist Rick Singer, to get their daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose, into USC by faking some rowing credentials, the prosecutors just  released a memo to the judge in which they explain Lori and Mossimo told Olivia to keep a low-profile around her suspicious high school counselor. It doesn’t help that those pictures of Olivia on the rowing machine, which I’m sure she thought was some kind of Pilates apparatus, are more evidence that she was probably in on it.

According to the prosecution, Olivia asked her parents if she should tell her high school guidance counselor that USC was her first pick of universities, and Lori and Mossimo ALLEGEDLY told her to keep it on the down low. Lori said:

“Yes… But it might be a flag for the weasel to meddle. Don’t say too much to that man.”

Mossimo then called the counselor a “nosey bastard.” 

These new revelations could hurt the deal Lori and Mossimo made. As part of Mossimo’s plea deal, he’ll serve five months in prison, pay a $250,000 fine, and do 250 hours of community service. Lori will do two months in prison, 100 hours of community service, and a $150,000 fine. They both will, have two years of probation after they get out of the Fuller Big House but …

The judge could take this new information in hand and change their sentences and fines and probation, and maybe even send Olivia to jail, too.

Sorry, not sorry. I’d like to see this whole entitled, self-involved cheating lying scheming scamming family in adjoining cells.

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It's Snarkurday!

Last week Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan won an Emmy for Best Entertainment Talk Show though neither one was present to accept. Personally, I think they should have won for Best Acting In An Entertainment Talk Show in light of what’s gone on at Live with Kelly and Michael this week.

See, a kerfuffle ensued when it was announced that Michael Strahan was leaving Live for GMA and no one … at Live … at GMA … at ABC … bothered to let Kelly in on the news until the story broke. So, Kelly didn’t come into work the next day, though the day after that she did show to declare her pride in Michael Strahan and his move up the ladder. But that’s when all the stories came out about this duo being not so friendly off-screen.

For four years, Kelly and Michael have acted like the best of buddies on-air, but off-air a source — and it’s most likely a jealous Kathie Lee — says the two are so nice-nice. Kelly didn’t like that Michael wasn’t as devoted to the show as she was — though maybe it’s because he took home $4 million a year while Kelly pocketed $20 million — and Kelly hated that Strahan was using Live as a stepping stone to GMA, and that he was a diva.

He would ALLEGEDLY show up late to tapings, and regularly bring his entourage with him, and twice a week he would have the crew stop everything so a stylist could come onset and give him a haircut. And, leading  up to last year’s Halloween episode, Strahan ALLEGEDLY was so difficult that “the producers brought in an audience for [a] pretaped segments so he would behave.” One time Strahan even screamed so loudly at producer Michael Gelman that other producers hid under a staircase.

Now, in light of the bad press, Strahan’s exit has been moved up from September to May, and maybe that’s for the best; if he’s such a diva, let him diva it up with George Stephanopoulos over at GMA. 

I’d say Kelly’s lucky to see him go because, again ALLEGEDLY, she has parlayed the brouhaha into a sizable new annual income. And a few million dollars more does wonders to soothe an ego.

You know, unless you really really really mean it, never call your business The Honest Company. Okay, Jessica Alba? See, it now seems, ALLEGEDLY, that Alba’s company is nothing but lies.

Back in September, The Honest Company was hit with a lawsuit ALLEGING that things labeled “non-toxic” were actually full of synthetic chemicals, and that Alba was being deceptive in using words like “natural.” Then in March, Honest was accused of putting a chemical in their laundry detergent that they swore they had never put in, and now they’re accused of passing non-organic baby formula off as organic.

The Organic Consumers Association [OCA] ALLEGES that 11 of the 40 ingredients listed on their organic infant formula are synthetic substances not allowed in products labeled as organic. In addition, the OCA also ALLEGES that some ingredients are federally regulated as “hazardous compounds,” that one ingredient is “irradiated” and has been assessed as not safe for human foods.

Hazardous? Radioactive? Honestly!

It’s a good thing Dean Sheremet — the man to whom LeAnn Rimes was married when she began schtupping the married-to-someone-else Eddie Cibrian — wrote that cook book about eating your feelings after your relationship blows up because Dean’s second marriage to Sarah Silver is over after just five years.

No word on who Dean has set his sights on next, though maybe it’s just me, but if he married a man next time it might feel a little more right. But, what if he married former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills pot-stirrer, and the ex-Missus Eddie Cibrian, Brandy Glanville?

Imagine all that drama! Imagine LeAnn’s head exploding all over Instagram? It might be worth it.

Kaley Cuoco moves fast. About a month after meeting tennis-player — because I don’t think he has a job — Ryan Sweeting, the duo were married. Then, less than a hot minute, or a hot few months, later, they divorced.

About three months after Kaley ended it with Ryan she hooked up with British actor Paul Blackthorne but that didn’t lead to marriage fast enough, ALLEGEDLY, so Kaley dumped him and started dating Karl Cook, who does something with horses — I dunno, I think he paints the ones on merry-go-rounds.

She’s been seeing Karl for at some six weeks so now she’s all over the Bridal magazines and the engagement ring designers, and, perhaps, keeping her divorce lawyer on speed dial?

I mean, who does she think she is? JLo?

I’ve never been a Madonna fan; I like some of her old stuff, and a very little bit of her new stuff, but Madonna, the human being gives me pause. Or maybe it’s gas. She’s always so try-hard, as evidenced by her ass-bearing outfit at last week’s Met Gala.

But it was also her face — butterface — because, ALLEGEDLY, it hardly moved when she spoke to reporters.  And her attitude.

Page Six says that Madonna and her team ordered the red carpet to be cleared of other celebrities while she jiggled her pale ass cheeks up the stairs. Now, maybe it was her people who said no one should or could stand near her, or maybe it was the others in attendance who steered clear of that ratchet face and that epic fail outfit.

And rumor has it that some celebrities — Katy Perry, Kim and Kanye Kardastrophe, and Naomi Campbell — were miffed by the delay. Luckily, Naomi held tight to her cell phone, lest she toss it and crack Madonna’s English Porcelain Skin, but, ALLEGEDLY, Katy Perry got impatient and yelled up at Madonna:

“Are we ready now? Can we go?”

I like Katy a little better today.

PS As many have said, Madonna is already calling anyone and everyone who hated her look and her frozen face ageist and sexist.

I am also no fan of 50 Cent, and even less so now. Of course, a man who takes private videos of people and posts them, online to embarrass them is already an ass, but when you toss in his penchant for filing bankruptcy to avoid paying off lawsuits, while taking pictures of himself with wads of dough, he becomes a huge asshat.

And now this … 50 Cent recently released a video of himself following Andrew Farrell, a 19-year-old janitor, through the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky Airport and making fun of how “high” the young man appeared to be.

That’s funny right, when grown-assed ignorant men make fun of people? But … the only problem is that Andrew wasn’t high; he’s autistic and has hearing issues.  Yeah, now it’s funny. And maybe a million dollars of funny, because Andrew’s family has threatened to sue the rapper for being a dick.

So, Fiddy’s people realizing he’s about a Happy Meal aware from welfare checks, had their jackass of a boss release an apology to Andrew:

“While the incident at the airport resulted from an unfortunate misunderstanding, I am truly sorry for offending the young man. It was certainly not my intent to insult him or the disability community, which is a source of great strength in America. I have apologized personally to him and his family.”

F**k off, Fiddy, you’re a disgrace.

Someone named Robert Earl Morgan has accused Little Justin Bieber of destroying his phone at a Houston nightclub last month and Robert earl wants a payday now.

According to the lawsuit, Justin was partying a little too stupid and a little too hard when he first put out a cigarette on his friend’s arm and then commandeered a beer bong and tried to chug it. Sadly, because Justin’s a tool, most of the beer ended up on his face and shirt, which was all captured on video because, yup, Robert Earl had his phone out and was recording the whole thing.

Now, Robert Earl ALLEGES that once Bieber saw that he was being filmed, he grabbed Robert Earl’s cellphone and smashed it … cuz ain’t nobody wanting to see Drunken Bieber.

And so now Robert Earl wants coins … a lot of coins. He says his phone was worth a couple hundred dollars, and claims he never got his SIM card back, which contained pictures from his grandma’s 100th birthday and 5000 pictures from traveling, and also had some business contacts on it and so he wants $100,000.

Seriously? 100K? I would’a sued for ten million and a promise that Justin Bieber never appear in public again.

Now that’s a lawsuit!

Chick fight! Chick fight!

And a stupid chick fight to boot.

Demi Lovato is like super pissed at Nicki Minaj because Nicki did not tag Demi in a photo of the two of them on Instagram taken at the Met Gala last week.

Seriously. It all, started when Nicki posted a picture of herself with Jeremy Scott and Demi at the Met Gala to Instagram. Nicki tagged Jeremy and she also tagged Moschino, the designer who created her gown and Demi’s tinfoil mess, but she … I find it hard to breathe. She.Did.Not.Tag.Demi.

It could’a been an accident; it could’a been shade; it could’a been that Nicki didn’t know it was Demi and just thought it was a cocktail server without her tray.

Whatever the reason, Demi is hurt and fired back because … children.

She first posted a picture of her face, distorted with some filter to make her look all confuzzled, but when that didn’t work and Nicki wouldn’t sit with her at lunch, Demi went further.

She took to Instagram and posted her own picture of Nicki, Jeremy, and herself at the Met Gala but this was a not so flattering picture of Nicki giving Demi the side-eye.

Or maybe she was just looking at that dress and wondering, WTF?

Which is how I reacted to Demi’s mess of a dress.

It's Snarkurday!

During last week’s Lindsay Lohan Check-In we found that the cracktress had indeed arrived in Brooklyn — albeit two hours late — to begin her long overdue community service at the Brooklyn Duffield Community Center, and if she can just keep it together for two weeks, she’ll be all caught — 

Oh hell, who am I kidding? This is Lohan. She won’t get it done because she’ll get sick, or someone will take her picture, or her Mom will get drunk or Dad will get arrested and she won’t go back to the children and the DA of Los Angeles County might actually throw her skank-ass into jail, except … Lohan don’t do jail, and so she just might runway to Monaco.

She says a very rich “friend” — a john — who owns a hotel in Monaco, who will let her stay for free—in exchange for, perhaps, a cut of her coins from hotel guests who like a little Lindsay in their rooms—and she’ll take him up on it. And since the US cannot be bothered to extradite cracktresses for reckless driving misdemeanors, the authorities cannot touch her.

All I gotta say is: watch your backs, people of Monaco!

Short bite …

The promoters of the Cannes Film Festival have instituted a new rule this year: high heels must be worn on the red carpet.

It’s known in Cannes as The Tom Cruise Rule.

This one just gives me The Itches ….

Alan Thicke and his wife Tanya Callau announced that when they want to get their groove on in the boudoir, they slip a little Robin Thicke into the eight-track player and bang the night away.

Yup, Alan Thicke and the missus do the nasty while listening to Alan’s son sing.

Did you throw up a little in your mouth … too?

Short Bite …

Jessica Alba may quit acting:

“It’s tempting to leave acting completely and focus on my company. It’s definitely more fulfilling. And when I put my time into it, I feel like I’m doing something that’s productive and there’s a real outcome. With entertainment, I feel like you’re just throwing stuff against the wall and you don’t know if anyone’s going to see it.”

I guess she didn’t get the email from Acting that it had quit her a couple of years ago?

Look, I’ll just come out and say it: I feel Blister Palin’s pain. Getting married is hard; there are lots of questions to ask your fiancé, and lots of things to get figured out before you say ‘I do.’ I mean, look at Carlos and me; we waited fourteen years to get married because … well, okay, it was illegal most of the time so, yeah, I guess I’m not feeling Blister’s pain after all.

See, in March, Blister announced her engagement to one Dakota Meyer, a US Marine and recipient of the Medal of Honor, and that whole Palin clan took to social media to talk about the hero marrying their little unwed mother.

It was beautiful … except … it looks like Dakota forgot to mention he’d already taken a wife. Yup; apparently, he married a young woman in 2008, but the marriage fell apart quickly and they were divorced after a few years but it seems he never told Blister.

And then, one of his ex-wife’s friends called Dakota out on social media and now Blister’s marriage is off, though they still plan on having a party because, well, there’s booze and soldiers and that’s how the Palin’s roll, at least according to Mama Grizzly Bore™ who took to social media to break the news:

“Bristol and Dakota couldn’t be more thankful for the love and support of family and friends over the past months while preparing for their wedding. They have informed loved ones that unfortunately the announced celebration planned for May 23 will not be held.”

Of course, not to be outdone by Mama, Blister released her won statement:

“Regarding salacious headlines in recent days about ‘secret wives,’ Dakota and I discussed our past relationships prior to our engagement. Dakota was legally divorced years ago, as any good reporter could and should have disclosed to readers. As usual, false stories and dramatically written headlines begging controversy should be disregarded, and we have faith that our privacy will be respected at this time by those with decency.”

Nice try, Blister, because it was just as the story broke that you called off your little wedding, so how “in the know” were you?

Uh huh.

Short bites …

Maggie Gyllenhaal is saying that she wasn’t hired for the part of the love interest for a fifty-five year old actor because, at age 37, she was deemed “too old.”

That sounds about right, because, at 37, she should be playing the mother of the love interest of a fifty-five year old man.

Oh Hollywood, you ageist, misogynistic bitch.

Gosh I love Helen Mirren, and even more so now because she has a fabulous sense of humor.

Mirren is appearing on Broadway on ‘The Audience,’ where she is once again playing Queen Elizabeth of England, and last week during a scene where she’s speaking to one of her prime ministers, she says, “Well, you are better off with me than with what they have over there.”

Then she zeroes in on a pair of audience members: Bill and Hillary Clinton.

And the entire audience roared.

The Clinton’s visited Mirren backstage, and probably told her they enjoyed the joke. 

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Earlier this month, "actress" Jessica Alba made headlines when she said in an interview that "good actors never use [scripts]."

Now, I know what you're thinking. This means Jessica Alba uses scripts all the time. Well, she ought to, because more of the interview has been released and Alba is making no friends anywhere at all in Hollywood.

Jessica Alba admits that she contemplated quitting acting during the filming of 'Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer': "[The director told me] 'It looks too real. It looks too painful. Can you be prettier when you cry? Cry pretty, Jessica.' He was like, 'Don't do that thing with your face. Just make it flat. We can CGI the tears in.'"

See, since the director wanted to computer-generate Alba's tears, it started her thinking "Am I not good enough? Are my instincts and my emotions not good enough? Do people hate them so much that they don't want me to be a person? Am I not allowed to be a person in my work? And so I just said, 'F**k it. I don't care about this business anymore.'"

Should'a continued along that line of thought and just walked away, perhaps to a job more suited to your talents, like a cocktail waitress or pretty secretary.

But Alba doesn't take the blame for her bad acting, or her bad movies, saying the only reason her movies, um, underperform at the box office is: "First-time directors."

First writers, now directors. Good luck finding work.

Oh Courtney.

Drunk. Nekkid. Now this.

A celebrity jeweler says Courtney Love hasn't returned nearly $114,000 worth of borrowed baubles, and he is suing to get them back.

Love ALLEGEDLY borrowed two white gold and diamond chains, a white gold, floral-design mesh bracelet and a pair of white gold and diamond pave hoop earrings at the end of September. Or, so says Jacob & Co., who filed a lawsuit this week, saying she only returned the bracelet, despite demands for the other pieces.

Courtney has ALLEGEDLY indicated to the jeweler that she lost the other items, but their agreement specified that she was responsible for them "regardless of loss or damage."

Well.......yeah.

The lawsuit seeks the gems or their $113,700 value.

Poor Courtney, but I guess when you get high and take off all your clothes, the jewels come off, too.

Oh, Mama Grizzly Bore. Take a little time off from the publicity tour that is your life and try being a parent, before you become a grandma again. Or visit your daughter in prison.

It seems that Life & Style magazine has some exclusive interviews with some of homophobe Willow Palin's former friends that suggest that the The Life & Times Of Willow Palin reads almost like a page out of Lindsay Lohan's biography.

According to classmates close to her, the middle Palin child ALLEGEDLY "chugged" vodka at the tender age of 15, as well as took part in a 1 a.m. drug deal!

Last Christmas, according former friend--emphasis on former--Lance Nezaticky, Willow was spotted in the deserted parking lot of a Target store at 1AM with a man who invited the Palin teen into his car where he ALLEGEDLY sold her over $20 worth of marijuana to the teen.

Nezaticky insists the story is true, and claims that Willow bought "really great stuff."

Okay, so the word of one former friend doesn't mean much, unless.....

Another former friend, Matt Scott ALLEGES that he saw similar destructive behavior out of Willow. His story's just a little more believable, as he claims that he saw her at a house party drinking with friends--although he calls it bingeing: “I saw her drinking from a bottle of Monarch. She was chugging it pretty hard. She was like, ‘I just want to drink.’”

Well, I would say who can blame her, considering the hot mess that is her family, but.....when is the Mama Grizzly Bore gonna confront these issues....or even the issue of the online Facebook bullying?

I guess it's more important that she focus on her other daughter, the unwed single mom who dances on TV.

So, how about that Eva Longoria and Tony Parker?

Tony is a big old cheater, though he claims he's just an emotional cheat. And now his friends are coming to his side saying Eva isn't quite the good little wife she's trying to portray.

A friend--and by friend, I mean someone who sat next to them one time at a restaurant--says: "Eva has been no angel, either. When they first got married, they both agreed to spend as much time with each other as possible. They knew it would be a challenge with them working in different states, but Eva's part-time taping schedule for 'Desperate Housewives' and the resources they had meant it wouldn't be that hard."

Hmmm, she works in California and he's on the road nine months a year. Yeah, no one saw this coming. As time went by, it became obvious that the couple were spending more and more time apart, with Tony in Texas and Eva in Los Angeles.
The friend--who once parked Eva's car while she got her nails done--says: "During the first year of marriage, Eva partially lived on an plane, visiting Tony the minute the director shouted 'cut' on the set of 'Housewives'. Eva didn't care about the lavish Hollywood parties she was missing or the fantastic private events she was invited to. All Eva wanted to do was be with Tony and build a life together, but things started to change as she got more and more sucked into the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle."
Both parties have filed for divorce in their home states, Eva in California and Tony in Texas.
Even in divorce they can't seem to get together.


Adult film star Capri Anderson--don't call her a prostitute because prostitutes have sex for money and adult film stars have sex for money on film--who was with Charlie Sheen the night of his nekkid breakdown at the Plaza in New York City is telling her story.

In an interview with ABC's 'Good Morning America' and 'Nightline,' Anderson says: "He was, from the beginning of the night, very loud and he had no hesitations when it came to using derogatory language or cuss words."

And still, Not-A-Prostitute, Capri went back to his room.

She continues: "Towards the latter half of the night, it got really bad. He started yelling racial slurs. But it wasn't until he put his hands around my neck that I really thought to myself, you have gotten yourself in a bad, bad situation."

Yeah, when they are loud and obnoxious and use derogatory language and racial slurs it's all fun. But as soon as the choking starts, it's time to collect your money and hit the streets.

And yet she continues to speak: "I'm not going to stand down and be completely walked over, mistreated. My whole life has been changed. I think that this story and this treatment sends a message in itself and this is clearly something that's not right. It's not right to hurt people. It's not right to scare people. It's not right to carry on with such disregard for the people around you."

I guess she wants to be treated with dignity, like she is on a movie set when a group of strange men jerk off on her.

Capri Anderson plans to file charges against Charlie Sheen for battery, assault and false imprisonment.

But Sheen's attorney, who must be on speed dial and available 24/7, says: "Ms. Capri never made any allegation of wrongful conduct on the part of Mr. Sheen the night of the incident. She has posted on her website that she was 'fine' after the incident, but if you wanted to see more of her enter the web site for money. We will defend this lawsuit vigorously and will never pay her a dime. These allegations against Mr. Sheen are completely false, and are an blatant attempt to cash in on his celebrity."

Hmmm, the drunk drug addict and the pron star. It's so hard to pick sides in stories like these.