The Funny Papers

Ed Wexler, Bill Bramhall, Dave Whamond, Jack Ohman, Michael deAdder, Nick Anderson, Bill Day, Darrin Bell, Mike Luckovich, RJ Matson, Clay Bennett

Asshats Times Three: And, Big Surprise ... I kid ... They Are All Republicans

Look, I know that not all Democrats are doing the right thing; I know some are asshats, some cheat on their spouses, some are just plain dicks. But I cannot help that it always seems like it’s Republicans who look, act, and sound, the most stupid.

Case in point: the three-way tie for the ISBL Asshat of the Week honors.

Up there in Pennsylvania, Scott Wagner, a York County Republican ... because, of course ... and a candidate for governor, is a supporter of drilling for natural gas and does not believe in the conventional science behind global warming, saying:

“I haven’t been in a science class in a long time, but the earth moves closer to the sun every year–you know the rotation of the earth; we’re moving closer to the sun. [And] we have more people. You know, humans have warm bodies. So is heat coming off? Things are changing, but I think we are, as a society, doing the best we can.”

Yes, global warming is due to the body heat of people and the fact that the Earth is getting closer to the Sun with each passing year.

Asshat.

Joining Scott Wagner is Iowa Republican ... again, because, of course ... Representative Shannon Lundgren.

As House Republicans in Iowa debated a ban abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy, one Democrat had a question ... revealing just how little the measure’s sponsor, the aforementioned Shannon Lundgren understood about the possible ramifications of her legislation and how little she ... yes, this Shannon is female ...cares about women who face tough choices about terminating a pregnancy even in the most difficult situations.

Representative John Forbes, the Democrat, noted that he has a pregnant daughter and asked this question:

“Worst case scenario, she talks to her doctor next Wednesday and her doctor tells her, we don’t see a heartbeat anymore in this child. Under this legislation, she would have to carry that baby until her life became endangered? Is that good medicine?”

See, the language of Lundgren’s measure defines abortion as “the termination of a human pregnancy with the intent other than to produce a live birth or to remove a dead fetus,” which suggests that the scenario Forbes described would be exempt from the abortion ban, but, again, Lundgren, the bill’s manager, did not know that. In fact, she said:

“Rep. Forbes, this bill wasn’t written for the intent to protect or govern, on the side of the woman. It was written to save babies’ lives. I would concur that — in that instance — if your daughter’s life is not in danger, that yes, she would have to carry that baby.”

Naturally, as soon as the words left her mouth everyone scrambled to say she had “misspoke” but, um, yeah, she is the manager of the bill and she has no idea how it works?

But more disgusting than the fact that she has no idea what she’s talking about is the idea that Shannon Lundgren seemed utterly unconcerned with forcing a women to carry a dead fetus to term.

Asshat.

Finally, out there in Texas ... Oy, again with Texas ... one Republican ... because, of course ... lawmaker, Representative Jodey Arrington, cited a Biblical reference to justify changes to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program [SNAP].

The passage in question, 2 Thessalonians 3-10 reads “if a man will not work, he shall not eat” was a rebuttal to an expert witnesses, a representative of the Jewish anti-hunger group MAZON. It’s also a standard GOP song-and-dance during debates on SNAP.

But Arrington referenced the verse in a discussion about increasing the work requirements for unemployed adults on the food stamp program because, you know, people who ask for Food Stamps just don’t want to work, they just want a hand-out ... because the Bible told the GOP so.

Asshat.

And so that’s your GOP, ladies and gentleladies ...

They believe Body Heat—not the movie starring William Hurt and Kathleen Turner—but actual, physical, human, body heat is responsible for global warming.

They believe, because they wrote the bill, that women might have to carry a dead fetus to term because abortion in any form is wrong.

They believe the Bible says we should not help the poor, or feed the hungry, but simply tell them to get to works.

Asshats of the Week ... times three.

The Intellectualist: Scott Wagner

Think Progress: Shannon Lundgren
Washington Post: Jodey Arrington

Wisconsin GOP Bans Poor People From Buying Certain Foods

Every so often one state in the Union steps forward and displays an extreme lack of intelligence or compassion. We’ve seen that with Arizona, Indiana, South Carolina … feel my pain … and, as always, Texas. Now, though, it’s Wisconsin’s turn at bat.

The GOP leaders in Wisconsin are attempting to pass a bill that would ban poor people from eating certain foods via the state’s Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program [SNAP]. 

Yup, that's right; Assembly Bill 177 seeks to ban people who rely on food stamps from buying a huge list of products deemed unworthy for the mouths of poor people and their children, like any kind of shellfish.

Seriously. And the bill goes on to mention a list of groceries that poor people will no longer be able to purchase, like …

• No red potatoes; sweet potatoes and yams are okay.
• No nuts, trail mix, herbs and seasonings.
• No jarred spaghetti sauce; no soups, salsas, or ketchup.
• No canned beans, except for green, wax or yellow beans.

Seriously. All of these food items are relatively inexpensive and can be found in the pantries of most homes; and a lot of families living at, or below, the poverty level subsist on spaghetti and soups because they don’t cost a lot and can feed an entire family, but this bill makes it against the law for these items to be purchased by certain people.

Oh, and some other foods not allowed for purchase by the poor include:

• Cranberry sauce and pie filling.
• Creamed vegetables; canned peas and green beans.
• Baked beans
• Pickles
• Frozen veggies that come in packages featuring pasta, nuts, rice, cheese, or meats
• French fries and hash browns
• Cheddar, Swiss and Fresh Mozzarella are a no-no, but American cheese is fine; Kosher cheese is also banned unless you apply to get a specific check for it.
• Albacore tuna, red salmon, and fish fillets
• Bagels, pita bread, English muffins; taco shells
• White rice and wild rice
• Almond, rice, goat, and soy milk.
• Brown eggs and any eggs produced by cage-free or free range chickens.
• Several kinds of infant food
• Bulk, Organic, or Natural items.

Broken down, it means that the Wisconsin GOP is trying to make it more difficult for poor people to buy food, create meals, or even enjoy a meal. And it gets better; Wisconsin Republican, of course, Representative Scott Allen says the bill is a way to make poor people healthier:

“We as a country are spending a fortune on health care costs for largely preventable diseases, and a lot of that relates to our habits as people — we’re consuming the wrong foods.”

Um, okay? But one wonders then, why are the Republicans banning the purchase of organic and natural foods? Does that not reek of GOP hypocrisy and lies?

But Wisconsin is not the only state trying to tell poor people what to eat and how to live; Missouri Republicans want to ban poor people them from buying steaks and seafood; Kansas asshat Republicans are banning poor people from going to the movies, swimming pools, and are trying to limit poor people to withdrawing just $25 a day from ATM machines.

Think there is no such thing as a class war? The GOP tries to legislate better lives for the One Percent, while telling poor people what to each, where to go, and how much money they are allowed to carry.

That certainly sounds like class warfare to me.

Addicting Info

Image Source: Politico