It's Snarkurday!

Charlie Sheen is suing the Enquirer over their story that, on the set of 1986’s Lucas, then-19-year-old Charlie Sheen raped then-13-year-old Corey Haim.

It all broke when former actor Dominick Brascia told the Enquirer that Sheen was the predator hinted at in a Radar story that ran In September. Dominick—who has also been accused of molesting Haim—says Corey claimed Sheen coerced him into smoking weed and having anal sex. The Enquirer also claims that various “sources” told them that Corey wasn’t Charlie’s only alleged victim, and that Sheen inspired Corey’s subsequent drug abuse, which led to his early death at 38.

And so naturally, Charlie Sheen is the Enquirer and releasing this statement:

“In my nearly 35 years as a celebrated entertainer, I have been nothing shy of a forthright, noble and valiant courier of the truth. Consistently admitting and owning a laundry list of shortcomings, wrongdoings and indiscretions this traveler hath traveled — however, every man has a breaking point. … “These radically groundless and unfounded allegations end now. I now take a passionate stand against those who wish to even entertain the sick and twisted lies against me. GAME OVER.”

Sheen is suing the Enquirer, Enquirer executive Dylan Howard, and Dominick Brascia for “defamation and false light” and claiming that Dylan only published the story because the Enquirer couldn’t break the story that Sheen is HIV+.

It’s all icky; Sheen ALLEGEDLY raping Haim; other boys molesting Haim; Sheen’s pronouncement of how honorable a man he is.

Yeah, I think that’s the most insane part of the story.

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I wasn’t so surprised to see Dustin Hoffman “outed” as a sexual predator, groper, abuser. I’d read a story about how he treated Meryl Streep on the set of Kramer v Kramer and he’s a pig. But I was surprised, somewhat, at many women he abused physically, verbally and emotionally over the years, and how many women’s careers and lives were nearly ruined because of it.

Cases in point: Anna Graham Hunter was seventeen when she worked with Hoffman in 1985 and says Hoffman harassed her and assaulted her on a daily basis. And, in 1991, he did the same thing with playwright Wendy Riss Gatsiounis.

Last week, when John Oliver simply asked Hoffman for an explanation regarding what these women, and others, have said, Hoffman got pissy, defensive and claimed he’d never met Anna Graham Hunter.  And then he used his role in Tootsie as the reason he could never be a pig because he played the character onscreen and loves women and would never!

And yet now others have come forward, like Kathryn Rossetter, who costarred with Hoffman in Death of a Salesman on Broadway and on TV, who says she auditioned for Death of a Salesman because she admired Hoffman as an actor and was thrilled that he pushed for her to get the part. But, when rehearsals began, Hoffman got her into his hotel room and demanded a back rub; she says she gave him a “lame” back rub that ended when the maid interrupted them. When the play began, however, the harassment and assault intensified:

“Since they loved my laugh, it was decided that I would stand in the wings … and laugh on cue in a memory scene. … That scene led directly into the scene in the second act with Dustin and me in the hotel room and Biff walking in on us. My costume was a vintage slip, no bra, garter belt and stockings. The wing space was limited, so directly behind me was a chair where Dustin would sit … One night in Chicago, I felt his hand up under my slip on the inside of my thighs. I was completely surprised and tried to bat him away while watching the stage for my cues. After the show he was busy with the producer and director so I had no access to him to address it. It then happened almost every show. Six to eight shows a week … One night he actually started to stick his fingers inside me. … I withdrew and got depressed … How could the same man who fought to get me the job, who complimented my work, who essentially launched my career, who gave me the benefit of his wisdom as an actor, how could he also be this sexual power abuser?”

Perhaps because he felt a sense of ownership over a woman because he “helped’ or maybe it’s just because he’s a pig; at any rate …

“The groping continued. After the shows at parties, whenever he had a picture taken with me, he would put his arm around my rib cage and then grab my breast just before they snapped the picture and then remove it. He was very skilled at dropping his hand just as the picture snapped to avoid it being recorded. … Only by luck do I have one such picture — where the camera caught him in the act. A picture I had taken with hopes of sending it to my family. A millisecond in time. There I am — big smile and my arm moving toward his with the intention to push it away. But caught as it is, it seems I’m complicit with the gesture. I was not. Not ever.”

Rossetter says one night Hoffman told crew members he was going to assault her and they all gathered backstage to watch him pull down her slip and reveal her breasts.

Pig. But there may be revenge, in a way that would hurt an ego like Tiny Dustin the most; he has a new film coming out and there was … was … talk of an Oscar nomination. Maybe this story will stop that.

Again. Pig.

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More pig? Mario Batali.

It seems that Batali is “stepping away” from his empire, as well as ABC’s The Chew, on the heels of several allegations of sexual misconduct.

Four women have accused Batali of sexual harassment and assault spanning nearly 20 years; a female chef ALLEGES that a drunk Batali offered her a job, then groped her breasts; two other his female former employees have accused him of grabbing and groping them,; a third woman says he groped her breasts at a party.

Batali didn’t deny the allegations, but said:

“I apologize to the people I have mistreated and hurt. Although the identities of most of the individuals mentioned in these stories have not been revealed to me, much of the behavior described does, in fact, match up with ways I have acted. That behavior was wrong and there are no excuses. I take full responsibility and am deeply sorry for any pain, humiliation or discomfort I have caused to my peers, employees, customers, friends and family.”

Apparently, he’s desperate to save his “empire,” which may be difficult as more stories come out.

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Hannibal Buress made his mark in Miami last week, but not the way he would have liked, I’m guessing.

Buress, ALLEGEDLY red-eyed and booze-scented, was leaving an Art Basel event and asked a police officer to call him an Uber. When the cop refused, Buress ALLEGEDLY got “angry and belligerent”—and, perhaps, a little “Don’t you know who I am?”—but walked back inside the venue with the officer following.

The officer thought Buress too drunk to be inside, so he asked him several times to leave; finally, after Buress stepped outside the officer again told him … five times … to leave the area five times, and he declined, and began shrieking profanities, and was arrested.

A witness filmed his arrest, and Hannibal did not go peacefully; he demanded to know what he was being arrested for… um, smell your breath …and when he was told he was being collared for trespassing, he didn’t take kindly to that reason. So, the officers put his drunk ass in the car and added disorderly intoxication to the trespassing charge.

I really wanted to hear him say “Don’t you know who I am?’ So someone, anyone, might respond, “Tracey Morgan? Kevin Hart? My waiter at Carrabas?”

Then Buress would really go off. Still, he had his mugshot taken at Glamour Shots, or so it seems.

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So, Kevin Spacey. Before all the groping of young boys became news to everyone, Spacey was cast in a showy role in All The Money In The World.

But when the sexually assaulted boys began talking, Ridley Scoot, the director of the film, which was finished at the time, decided to spend $10 million reshooting all of Spacey’s scenes with Christopher Plummer taking over. Even other actors in the scenes, like Michelle Williams and Mark Wahlberg came back to the movie to film with Plummer, and this week … thanks to Karma … Christopher Plummer was nominated for a Golden globe for his part in the film.

Clearly, since the film won’t come out until Christmas Day, who else besides Scott and some editors saw Plummer’s performance? I mean, is he so great that he gets a nod for a film no one has seen, or is it clap-back at Spacey.

Yeah, clap-back.

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What’s the newest, bestest, fastest way to improve ratings for a morning show?

Maybe having one of your cohosts fired for being handsy.

Yup, NBC’s Today Show is riding a ratings tidal wave since Matt Lauer was canned for being a pervert an is even outperforming Good Morning America.

How long until ABC gets a scandal of its own? I wonder, because after Charlie Rose’s sexual assault allegations, the rating for CBS This Morning are still in the tank, so maybe it’s not the story but the fact that Matt Lauer’s smug face is off TV.

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I loved that they’ve rebooted Will & Grace this year, and I am mildly interested in the upcoming reboot of Roseanne, but there are some shows that, well, should never have appeared on a TV screen in the first place.

Blossom.

Blossom ran for five seasons on NBC and focused on the title character, a flowery hat wearing Blossom Russo, played by Mayim Bialik and her Dad, Ted Wass, and brothers Tony, Michael Stoyanov, and Joey, played by Joey Lawrence. And it’s Lawrence who’s been pushing for a reboot of the show, saying:

“There’s been serious talk about [a revival], believe it or not. Mayim and I have both said we’d be into it. We’ve talked to Don Reo about it, who created it. If there’s a way in, then I think we’re all down for it.”

Sure, Joey wants a Blossom reunion because what else is he doing? I mean, Mayim is appearing on a real hit show, Big Bang Theory and so does anyone think she’d give up that job for a second shot at Blossom?

The long and short answers are both ‘No.’

 Sorry Joey, take a seat.

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The Today Show Blinked

It wasn't much of a standoff, as standoffs go, but still............

The Today Show, which has a yearly event to feature the wedding of some lucky couple who wish to have their most prized moment immortalized by Matt Lauer, has always been gay-friendly.

Until this year.

Suddenly, same-sex couples were not allowed to enter the Wedding Lottery that is the Today Show. It seems that this year the “Modern Wedding Contest” application included only “bride” and “groom” as options for applicants to choose.

Huh? Bride and Groom.

Oh no honey. It should also be groom and groom, and bride and bride.

So, GLAAD got on the stick and organized a mini-revolution with petitions demanding that Today open the contest to all couple. NBC argued that it was excluding same-sex couples because “the couple must be able to be legally married in New York, which is where the wedding will take place.”

Yeah, but, um, NBC? You have a whole news division at your disposal, so you might have checked that, while marriage equality is not the law of the land in New York, same-sex weddings are legal. And, since same-sex couples can obtain licenses in Iowa, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire and Washington DC, they then can be married in New York, and their marriage recognized int he state that issued the license.

Got that, NBC? Stop focusing on the license and focus on the wedding.

Following a meeting between GLAAD and NBC executives, NBC announced that after listening to community concerns, i.e. a bunch of pissed of LGBT's with email access, it will open the contest to same-sex couples and extend the submission deadline until Monday, July 12. Finalists will be announced later this year and the wedding takes place live on the Today Show this October.

So, c'mon you gay folks looking for your fifteen minutes of fame, get busy and enter. Wouldn't it be a great thing if a gay couple won? Wouldn't it be amazing to have a gay wedding broadcast nationwide?

The only downside?

Ann Curry.

Ann Curry: Gaffes By The Gallon

Ann Curry cracks me up, because, as a newsreader, she's, well, not very good:

So, I wasn't surprised that, when Curry gave a commencement speech to graduates at Wheaton College in Massachusetts, she decided to name off some famous alumni of the school.
Only, yeah, these alumni attended another Wheaton College.
Those names she listed, which included the Rev. Billy Graham, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert and horror movie director Wes Craven, are all graduates of Wheaton College--a Christian school in Illinois.
Curry later apologized in an open letter posted on Wheaton's--the real Wheaton's--website:
"I am mortified by my mistake, and can only hope the purity of my motive, to find a way to connect with the graduates and to encourage them to a life of service, will allow you to forgive me."
Despite the gaffe, Curry noted that the "gracious" students still gave her a standing ovation. "Now THAT is good manners," she wrote.
And, to be fair, she did list some actual graduates of the college where she was speaking; people like, former New Jersey governor Christine Todd Whitman and actress Catherine Keener.
Still, Ann, honey. Read it before you speak it.
Think about what you're saying.
And, for the love of Edward R Murrow, fact check please.
I mean, isn't that your job?

Random Musings

Is it me or is the Today Show turning into The SideShow? I mean, is there any actual news left? This morning, in the 7AM hour, the big story was Elvis' birthday. Forgive me if I'm insensitive [or just fuck off ] but hasn't he been dead for like a hundred years? So, why are we celebrating his birthday?
Then, to top it off, Matt "I'm a newsman, dammit" Lauer, promised an interview with Balloon Boy Hoax Daddy, Richard Heene, because now Richard says it wasn't a hoax--even though his wife says it was a hoax.
Hmmmm, maybe it's just me, but isn't this just another attempt by MediaWhoreHeene to get his mug on TV.
And isn't it nice of the SideShow to accommodate him?
Piss off.
There's word that Jay Leno is being cancelled.
Then comes word that he's being shipped to Hiatus, wherever that is, though I'm sure it's a country where people don't know funny because then they'd get Jay Leno.
Then comes word that he's going back to the 11:30PM timeslot.
Um, NBC? Didn't you give that to Conan? And by shipping Leno back, aren't you kind of admitting that you made a New Coke Kind Of Mistake?
But NBC says Jay Leno's "show has performed exactly as anticipated."
Oh, so you meant to drive away 52% of your audience.
Good thinking.
Y'all know, if you read my lil 'ol blog you do know, that I don't care to comment on Tiger Woods and his, ahem, personal issues. But Charlie Sheen is another matter, because Charlie Sheen is a dickwad untalented drug-and-alcohol addict who never seems to learn his lesson. The lesson? Don't drink. Don't drug. Don't get married. Again. Don't have more children. But Charlie, up to his eyeballs in trouble from his Christmas Eve alleged wife-beating incident, is turning into a giant yellow-bellied coward. Seems Charlie won't be making a personal appearance at the upcoming hearing concerning the restraining order implemented by his wife Brooke Mueller because he allegedly threatened to kill her. Charlie will testify via phone! His attorney filed the motion, and the District Attorney did not opposed. But, and this is where it gets Charlie Sheen Weird, the hearing is to get the restraining order dropped so he and his wife can be in the same room and mend their tattered drug-drunk-fest, er, marriage, and yet Charlie doesn't want to be in the same room to talk about it? Charlie Sheen is an asshat. And, he'll probably hate this more, he's a horrible actor. Can't act. Not funny.
People are idiots.
Oh, not you of course, those other people.
It seems that folks are already up in arms about President Obama's upcoming State of The Union address because the two nights available are the nights that American Idol premieres or the night that starts the last season of Lost.
Yes, only in America, where we just bungled a terrorist attack, where Wall St has come back to thumb their noses at us while they line their pockets, where unemployment goes up and home ownership goes down, we are more concerned about missing a TV show.
Now, I loves me some American Idol and I loveslovesloeves me some Lost, but, seriously.
People are stupid.
Noooooooooooooo! Not you!

Apparently Bristol Palin, daughter of The Quitter, Levi's baby momma, has her own business. Paperwork was filed in Alaska last September by Bristol, as the organizer of an new enterprise, BSMP LLC.
BSMP [Bristol Sharon Marie Palin] will :::::ahem::::: "provide lobbying, public relations, and political consulting services." The company is currently the ambassador for the Candie's Foundation, a pro-abstinence organization.
Yes, Bristol, who dropped out of high school so she could give birth to her drop-out boyfriend's love child is touting abstinence. Um, she couldn't have done that before she, um, you know, rode the Johnston?
Just like her mama, the Governor Who Couldn't, Bristol follows the "do as I say, not as I do" brand of thinking.
This one kills me.
Literally.
I.Died.
In the newest issue of Latina Magazine, Jennifer Lopez laments not winning an Oscar El Cantante, a movie nobody saw:
"I feel like I had that [Oscar worthy role] in El Cantante, but I don't even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it's their responsibility to do that, to see everything that's out there, everything that could be great. "Well, it is a little bit frustrating. It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins--I couldn't have been happier--but I was like, 'How dope would it have been if I would've won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?' 'Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!' But we joked about it. It's all good. Things will happen when they're supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will one day, when and if it's supposed to. You can't get all crazy twisted over it."
Jennifer Lopez winning an Oscar!
It's funny, cuz it'll never happen.

These two I lovelovelove.

Cher, and Christina Aguilera, on the set of their new movie [I know! Two fab divas together!] Burlesque.

The film is about of a burlesque club called The Burlesque Lounge, where Christina's small- town-girl-with-a-dream-and-a-talent-as-big-as-her-breasts shows off her amazing, um, voice. Yeah. Not the breasts, I don't think.

Cher plays Tess the owner of the lounge and she is apparently going to guide Christina's Ali through the perils of small-town-big-city burlesque-itude.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that the film also stars homolicious Alan Cumming, hottie Eric Dane, sexy Stanley Tucci, and The Body Cam Gigandet.

It's a big gay movie!Rachel Zoe, stylist to the stars who have no taste of their own, took to the beaches over the holidays. Apparently, however, she forgot her suit, so she just slipped into some leftover skin she had laying around. Seriously, someone give her a cookie, and then make her go away.

Lindsay Lohan is accused of stealing.

Again.

'Nuff said.

I miss Oprah. No, I don't!

Loose Bits

I am tired of the continued coverage of the fires in California.

I used to live out there and the fact is that the mountains around Los Angeles catch fire every year. If it's September, it's fire season.

Now that doesn't mean I don't feel for those people who've lost their homes, because I do. I just get tired of the media playing this up like it's a big surprise.

LA burns every year.

It isn't news, it's old news.

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And, speaking of fires and the media, Al Roker.

I think when he lost all that weight part of it included his brain because just yesterday, on the Today Show, he uttered the line, "Fire is dangerous."

I'm glad he told me because I was just about to take a nap on the BBQ grill.

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Carlos and I rented The Soloist.

Never heard of it? It was in the theaters barely long enough for people to get popcorn. It stars Robert Downey Jr, who I used to think of as cute but now I think of as sexy--yes, sexy--and Jamie Foxx, whom I cannot stand. And here's why.

You didn't think I wasn't gonna tell you, did you? This is my rant. It's what I do.

Robert Downey Jr has these things he does in a movie where you forget you're watching an actor acting. You even forget it's Robert Downey Jr. Jamie Foxx, on the others ACTS. He's all show and no substance. I didn't buy him as a homeless cello virtuoso any more than I bought him as Ray Charles. He's Jamie Foxx and he's ACTING.

Boring.

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Whitney Houston on Good Morning America.

I wanted to like it, really I did. I've made many a crack about Miz Whitney, but I like my divas to rebound. I mean , I stood by Liza through all her rehabs and failed performances and marriages to gay men, shouldn't I offer the same to Whitney?

But her performance on GMA was not so good. She asked to pre-tape the performance because she doesn't sing in the morning and they accommodated her. But her voice was cracking all over the place and the high notes were up on a shelf in a box marked "Do Not Need These Anymore."

I hear her album is selling very well.

I hope she makes it.

I love my divas.

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Speaking of GMA.

Diane Sawyer is leaving GMA because Charlie Gibson is leaving World News Tonight.

No, they aren't running off together, though that would be some story.

Apparently Charlie wants out of the news anchor biz and Diane wants in. That means that of the three network newscast, two will be anchored by women.

Harry Reasoner must be spinning in his grave.

Barbara Walters must be spinning in hers, too.

I kid.

Walters isn't dead. Really.

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Little Paris Jackson was in Las Vegas last week, because, well, that's where all little girls go to relax and rejuvenate and get their hair done.

But Miss Jackson doesn't get the traditional haircut, because she isn't a traditional girl and no matter how much Pimp Daddy Joe blusters, and Katherine Jackson smiles, those kids will never be normal.

See, as Paris' locks fell to the floor in the salon her bodyguard was there to swoop them up and bag them. The bag was then removed from the store along with the newly shorn Paris.

Why all the fuss?

DNA. Gotta keep the baby daddies guessing Who's Sperm Is Whose.

It's just sad.

Normal is one thing Paris Jackson will never be.

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Paris Hilton.

Lindsay Lohan.

Oprah Winfrey--hasn't it been nice this summer with No Oprah, or Noprah?

Mark and Jenny Sanford.

That's all.

Tidbits

Carlos is mowing the front yard and I'm working inside for a few minutes.....blogging....but, hey, what he don't know....yada yada yada.

Joy, over at BabbleOn, left me a comment on one of my posts that she needed a Carlos story because the news this week, with the hate crimes and the murders and the banning books, and that god awful Katie Holmes on So You Think You Can Dance, was horrible.

Well, I happen to have a Carlos story, but I haven't been given authorization to share it. Yet. So, I'll give you three words of a Carlos story and you can use your imaginations as to what the true story sounds like.

Here are your three words:

Carlos.

Chicken.

Car accident.

Have fun.

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I'm not really a Tori Spelling fan, but I caught her as a guest host on The Today Show this week--no, Kathie Lee Gifford was still there! And, i must say, Tori was kinda funny and self-deprecating.

She mentioned that, in her rush to get to the NBC studios, she'd left her hotel room without a wearing a bra. Kathie Lee Gifford....ugh, I loathe her.....pointed to Tori's chestal region and asked how she could get away without a bra and not have those things flop around.

Tori Spelling smiled sweetly, and said, Honey, for what I paid for 'em, they better stand up straight.

I.Loved.It.

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I am tired of the Repugnants bashing Obama's every plan, from health care to stimulus to, well, everything the president mentions.

I say, and listen up you group of pandering asshats, if you don't like the president's plan for any of the issues facing this country, don't stand around and stomp your feet like children, come up with a better plan.

Oh, but that would mean you'd actually have to work, and we know you're all too busy cheating on your wives and denying marriage rights to the gay community to actually work.

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Smallville is small, hence the nickname.

But, and this is weird, I've seen some odd things.

Years ago, when i was a wee gay lad, we'd go to visit my grandmother. And in her bathroom, on the back of the toilet, was a spare role of toilet paper. only, it would seem unsightly to just leave it lying around, so my grandmother had a crocheted cover, a toilet paper cozy, if you will, that she placed over the spare roll. It looked like a little hat.

A woman in Smallville has one of those. She, um, wears it on her head. Every time I see her, I think, Toilet paper cozy hat!

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Speaking of toilet paper. Nice segue.

We just began having The State newspaper delivered every morning. But, in the thirteen days we've been on the delivery route, we have not received a paper five times! That puts me off. So today when no paper arrived, we called the newspaper and complained and then cancelled delivery. I'll go back to the online version.

But, what has The State newspaper got to do with toilet paper, you say? Well, although it is the paper for the Midlands of South Carolina, it is the smallest paper I've ever seen...the thinnest paper I've ever seen.

I've wiped my ass with more substantial paper.

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Yesterday afternoon I was home and the phone rang. the voice on the other end asked for Carlos. I said he wasn't in and I would take a message. The voice then said, I am calling from the Fraternal Order of Police, and, hehe, no, you aren't in trouble.

I said, I know that.

Voice said, I just need sixty seconds of your time. Would you agree that the police provide a much needed service to our community, making us feel safer in our homes and on our streets?

I said, Uh huh.

Voice said, That was a question. Don't you agree--

I said, I answered the question., Did you call to talk about the Fraternal Order of Police or give me a lesson in phone etiquette?

Voice said, Well, I--

I said, Your sixty seconds are up.

Click.

Dave v. Sarah, or The Wit v. The Witless

David Letterman made some lame jokes about Sarah Palin's daughter and the Repugs went nuts; all of them from Elisabeth Hasslebeck--that illiterate moron--to O'Reilly and the Fox News Fools to the Palins themselves. So Dave took to the airwaves and apologized as only Dave can.

Letterman read the statements issued by Sarah and Todd Palin expressing their outrage--or their desperate need to keep their name in the media spotlight--about parts of his Top 10 list and then went through the offending jokes one-by-one to both apologize for and defend their content.

David Letterman: "I'm telling you, I recognize that these are ugly. These are actually ugly. These are borderline...but again, in an act of desperation to get cheap laughs, which is what I've been doing for the last 30 years."

But Letterman turned serious when he responded to the Palin's claim--or is it a desperate attempt to keep their name in the media spotlight--that he had made a joke about raping a 14-year-old girl: "These are not jokes made about her 14-year-old daughter. I would never, never make jokes about raping or having sex of any description with a 14-year-old girl. Am I guilty of poor taste? Yes. Did I suggest that it was OK for her 14-year-old daughter to be having promiscuous sex? No."

Then he invited Palin to come be a guest on his show.

However, in an attempt to keep her name in the media spotlight for another fifteen minutes, Mama Bear Sarah Palin went on The Today Show and Fox News, and any other channel that would have her, and then released a statement saying: "The Palins have no intention of providing a rating's boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman."

On The Today Show, Matt Lauer pressed Palin to explain that line in a statement: "it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman." Lauer asked, "Are you suggesting that David Letterman can't be trusted around a 14-year-old girl?"

"Hey, take it however you want to take it," she said.

So, let's see if I have this right, Sarah, you ignorant fool, you desperate for fame dumbass, you do-anything-to-keep-your-name-in-the-public-eye-even-though-the-public-has-asked-you-time-and-again-to-stay-in-Alaska, you can run from TV camera to TV camera in a desperate attempt to keep your name in the media spotlight, accusing David Letterman of saying your daughter should be raped, and how awful that would be except that he didn't say that, but it's okay for you to paint him as some sort of child molester?

Pot. Kettle. Asshat.

The only kind of bad press Sarah Palin gets is no press, and she'll ride this story and ride this story like it's an Alaskan Moose and she's on a wolf hunt. Go back to Alaska, you idiot, and take your dumb jock husband and your brood with you. Seriously, leave the lower Forty-eight alone. No one likes you here.

And, uh, here's Dave responding to Sarah Palin's desperate attempt to keep her name in the media spotlight.

Ready. Aim. Rant.

Things that make me go WTF?

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Okay, so American Idol last night. Quick thoughts.

Paula Abdul's choreography was recycled from an old Brady Bunch episode.

David Archuleta will never be taller, but he will always be cut.

Lil and Anoop....BAM.....gone.

Freda Payne should know that you can't sing with a frozen face.

Thelma Houston should sue her hairdresser.

KC looked like a deer-who-can't-carry-a-tune-caught-in-the-headlights.

Simon's arm around Paula....WTF?

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Those new CIA memos revealing the truth about the Bush-Cheney Reign of Terror and Torture.

Let me cut to the chase, people. If you, or anyone you know or hear--this means you Elizabeth One-Brain-Cell Hasselbeck--uses the phrase "I don't condone torture, but....."

You condone torture.

Try this one: "I don't condone child molestation, but....."

Or howsabout: "I don't beat my wife except...."

Do you get it? Good. Then shut up.

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Matt Lauer and the Today Show. Pandering to the lowest common denominator. Matt seemed to drool a bit this morning, talking about the so-called Craig's List Killer, who stalks women via the web and then kills them and takes their panties home as some sort of trophy.

I think Matt may have been sporting a little bit of wood this morning every time he uttered the word panties.

But, Matt and Today, where is your reporting on the murder of transgendered woman Angie Zapata by psycho Allen Andrade? Was that story too icky for Matt to talk about? Did that story not have the word panties in it so it doesn't make the Today show?

Give it up, Lauer, you'll never be a newsman.

You're a talking head....a talking empty head.

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And Oprah. Why why why do I watch this media whore? Am I that lazy that I won't just reach for the remote before she speaks?

I was cooking dinner the other night, and for some reason Oprah suddenly appeared on my TV. An Act of God, you say? Perhaps. Maybe I just didn't switch the channel quick enough after The People's Court.

I digress.

But, having a skillet in one hand and a spatula in the other, I couldn't reach for my gun and blow a hole in the TV in time, so I heard her, and saw her. I thought about hurling the skillet through the screen, but then what would Carlos have for dinner?

She was fondly reminiscing about the Susan Smith case. You know, the woman who told everyone that a black man had carjacked her and taken her kids? But then it turned out that she strapped her kids into their car seats and rolled the car into a lake?

Okay, so Oprah, for some unfathomable reason, was showing an interview she did with Susan's husband on the five year anniversary of his son's murders. She is asking him if he visits their graves and, if so, what he says while there.

He chokes up and starts to cry. The camera does a quick cut to our hero, Oprah, as she dabs at the tears in her eyes and says, unbelievably, "This is so hard for me."

For you? Were those your sons in that car? Because I thought you were just the interviewer, and yet, with a quick switch from Camera One to Camera Two, you have become the story.
Look, everyone. Look how hard it is for Oprah?

Seriously, take your crocodile tears and have them made into a handbag or a pair of shoes and please stop talking!

___________________________

Paris Hilton

Lindsay Lohan

Lady GaGa

___________________________

That's all.

Ponderings

I sometimes wonder about people.

I take that back.

I always wonder about people.

The other day a two co-workers were having a discussion. It didn't seem to be particularly private, so I sidled up to them. I didn't get that 'This is private' vibe so I stayed.

Then the girl looked at me and began including me in the conversation. There were questions on her part and answers from me. There were questions on my part and answers from her. Then I disagreed with her about one of her statements and she actually said to me, I wasn't talking to you. This is a private conversation between me and fellow co-worker.

I said, Are you serious? You were just talking to me?

I wasn't talking to you!

Seriously? Looking at me? Asking a question? Answering mine? That isn't including me in the conversation?

I never looked at you!

Then you better get your glasses cleaned because I've been standing here for five minutes in the conversation.

Crazy has a new name and it's co-worker!

_____________________________

The Snore Update:

For some reason--my insanity leaps to mind--I could not let go of the bad Bette Davis impression of yesterday I spoke with Carlos once during the day, when our home phone rang. I saw the caller ID and picked up the phone and said:

Fo-ah times, Cholly! I begged ya t'stop snoring fo-ah times!

He was not amused.

So, I kept it up. When I got home from work he was just finishing his dinner, and I said it again.

Watching American Idol I said it again

During The Real Housewives I said it again.

When I told him he would be sleeping in the guest room, I was Bette all over again.

But, he, uh, um, strapped it on--the Breathe Right--and it was a buzz saw free night.

Oh Cholly, I love ya!

_______________

Why is the Today show so anti-Obama?

Every stinkin' morning Matt-You'll-Never-Be-The-News-Anchor-Lauer has this smug self-righteous smirk on his face when he talks about the president. He seems almost gleeful when asking any and evry talking head if they think Obama is doing too much....or not enough.

Where was he when we were being lied to by W and his Hellhounds? Where was his indignation over the fact that anti-war protesters were kept away from W's motorcade?

Oh yeah. He had no outrage or indignation. The press was on a anti-negativity campaign during the first six years of W's term.

But sheesh, fifty days in and all he can talk about is whether Obama is failing.

Dumbass.

_______

What's up with Paula's eyes?

On Idol last night Paula was her usual incoherent self, wearing something better suited for the bottom of a birdcage. But every time she spoke--or tried to speak--I wondered what was wrong with her eyes?

Has she had work done?

Or is it the latest cocktail rage: Oxycodone and Gin on the rocks?

There are hot messes and cold messes.

Abdul is what's called a Frigid Piece of Dog Crap Mess.

Goosestepping With The Right

I only post this particular picture of Matt Lauer to calm myself down. Since this is what he looks like under his Brooks Brothers, I will not........repeat NOT.....hurl a brick through my TV at his rapidly receding hairline.
Today Matt is interviewing Newt Gingrich--is he still even relevant?--and they are talking about the stimulus package. Of course Newt hates it because he's a Republican and all Republicans hate anything that isn't theirs. Because, we all know, they have a direct line to God over all things in the world--abortion, gay marriage, stimulus.
Then the topic turned to Daschle and his withdrawal as an Obama appointee. Lauer uttered these words, which made me want to get the aforementioned brick:
"Are these just growing pains for the president or a sign of something more serious?"
It's been seventeen days you media hack!
Seventeen days!
I don't recall you going after George Bush during the first six years of his assault on the country, and yet Barack Obama has serious issues after seventeen days.
You're an idiot Matt Lauer.
Hot. But an idiot.

A Couple Of New Rants

Okay, so after she-who-will-not-be-mentioned's cancellation from yesterday's Today show, after her rants on her website--which have since been removed so she can say she never said them--after saying that NBC was banning her for life, she almost made me puke my Shredded Wheat this morning, because, there she was.......on the Today show.
Damn you NBC.
Spouting her lies to promote her book where she rails against Michelle Obama by calling her a Jackie O knock-off, while praising Cindy 'Botox' McCain; she also began her newest line of hate speech.
She refers to President-elect Obama as B. Hussein Obama. She calmly states that Hussein is the man's name. When Matt Lauer asked why she never referred to W as G. Walker Bush, or W. Jefferson Clinton, she said that we had been fighting a war against a man named Hussein and now we've elected one.
Seriously, what kind of idiot is this woman.
Dumbass, we didn't fight a war against Hussein. Your old buddy, W said we were fighting bin Laden, but took Hussein out because he was 'there.' When asked if she thinks focusing on Obama's middle name is hate speech, she smiles that smug horse-faced grin of hers, and neighs, Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, that's his name.
Well, she-who-will-not-be-mentioned? You're name is Moron from here on in.

Now, on to Oprah:

Oprah's gotten fat.
Big deal, right.
Only Oprah began mentioning her royal fatness about two or three weeks ago, saying how she was ashamed that she had let herself go....again.
But this week Oprah has started her Best Life episodes to lose the weight, again, and have America join in. She also has a new edition of O featuring skinny Oprah standing beside fat Oprah.
The problem I have with this is the fact that the magazine was probably arranged, photographed, storied, and 'put to bed' months ago. So why not tell us she was fat the day she did the photo shoot?
Oh yeah, so she could keep her fatness in our minds until the issue came out and she could sell more. See, O at Home has gone belly up, and O is probably not faring well in these economic times. So, make it a big fat issue.
In addition, her show must plan their topics months in advance, so, again, why tell us she's fat now. Why not talk about it months ago, when we were all watching her expand? Ratings, people. Dollars. Books to sell.
And then the Big O goes on Larry King with her personal trainer and her medical advisor to talk about her ballooning weight.
Personal trainer?
Medical advisor?
Where were these folks when she started to gain the weight months back? Why didn't one of them tell her to step away from the Pound cake?
I mean, if I have all these trainers and medical advisers and therapists at my disposal, and I start getting bigger and bigger, and they say nothing, well, then....
You're fired.
Now, I am not bashing Fat Oprah, seriously. Weight is a lot more than food going in and no exercise to combat it. There are emotional issues as to why people eat. And God knows we can all, yours truly included, stand to drop some ell-b's....ell-b's? Lbs. Get it.
But this new Fat Oprah campaign, this media blitz, this week-long special O series, simply smacks of a ratings ploy.
And I don't like it.

Perez Trumps A**e C*****r

Poor She-who-will-not-be-mentioned. She was supposed to be on the Today show this morning to promote her new bag of lies and insults....Book! I mean book. But according to the losers own website: "Today show and Today show fourth hour: cancelled!"
"I guess this ends the 'they just want to get ratings' argument about liberal media bias," She-who-will-not-be-mentioned also wrote.
Here's the deal, She-who-will-not-be-mentioned. There is no such thing as a liberal media, unless you want to admit there's a rightwing media, and you don't think that's so. Most of the media dislike you because you're a hypocrite and a liar, who tosses verbal firebombs into the air just to watch the reaction. You're an instigator, Annie., You have nothing of interest to say that isn't couched with insults and innuendo, and outright lies.
Apparently MediaMatters has taken her book, Guilty, apart, lie by lie, and even printed an article asking NBC if they're going to help promote Annie's new work of fiction.
Well, She-who-will-not-be-mentioned, it looks like NBC isn't in the mood to help you. An NBC spokesperson said She-who-will-not-be-mentioned was bumped for news coverage out of Washington and the Middle East, and would be welcomed back in the future. Perez Hilton will still be on the show. Perez Hilton would be on. Not Annie.
Perez.
Hilton.
So, let's see, She-who-will-not-be-mentioned. NBC bumped "Mouth That Snored" for the "Mouth That Roared."
Well, it looks as if gossip trumps bitch.
Here are a few lies that She-who-will-not-be-mentioned tells in her new book, that she won't get to promote on TV because Perez will be telling us all about Lindsay and Britney and.....other bimbos.
_____________________________________
from MediaMatters:

She-who-will-not-be-mentioned claims that two black students who engaged in a hoax by hanging a black doll from a noose were "immediately praised" by "liberals," but the sources she cites do not support this claim.

In 1997, at Duke University, a black doll was found hanging by a noose from a tree at the precise spot where the Black Student Alliance planned to hold a rally against racism. Two black students later admitted they were the culprits and were immediately praised for bringing attention to the problem of racism on campus. Which is why I'm thinking about knocking over a liquor store to focus attention on the problem of big-city crime.
Rather than "institutional racism," what we are witnessing is "institutional racial hoaxism" committed by liberals. [Page 10]

She-who-will-not-be-mentioned cites two articles to back up her assertion that the students were "immediately praised," neither of which support such a claim. One of the sources Coulter cites is a January 8, 1999, Chronicle of Higher Education article, which does not report that the students were "praised" but rather that "[s]ome classmates defended the two students"...[i]n a letter to The Chronicle, Duke's student newspaper, Worokya Diomande called the act "tasteless," but said "the idea behind the act ... is being overlooked."
She-who-will-not-be-mentioned's other source for her claim that the students were "immediately praised" is a January 31, 2000, article in The Weekly Standard (accessed from Nexis), which cites the Chronicle article in writing that "some at Duke defended the act, claiming it high-lighted the problem of race relations on campus."

Fox News Channel
On Page 15, She-who-will-not-be-mentioned writes,

"Fox News has never been caught promoting a fraud -- unlike CBS (Bush National Guard story), ABC (tobacco industry report), NBC (exploding GM trucks), CNN (Tailwind), and MSNBC (Keith Olbermann)."

In fact, as Media Matters has documented, on several occasions since 2004, Fox News has issued a retraction and apology for airing a news report that repeated false information, one of which led Fox News' Vice President for News John Moody to reportedly warn staff in January 2007 that "seeing an item on a website does not mean it is right. Nor does it mean it is ready for air on FNC."
On the April 24, 2007, edition of Fox & Friends, co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade repeated as fact an online parody news report of a school prank that included fabricated quotes attributed to the superintendent. Doocy issued an on-air retraction and apology during the May 16, 2007, edition of Fox & Friends First, but the superintendent brought suit against the Fox News Channel, Doocy, and Kilmeade. [A suit later dismissed]...

....Doocy has also retracted his false assertion on the January 19, 2007, Fox & Friends, that Barack Obama "spent the first decade of his life, raised by his Muslim father -- as a Muslim and was educated in a madrassa."...

....Further, on October 1, 2004, Fox News issued a retraction and an apology for a news story written by chief political correspondent Carl Cameron that falsely attributed quotes to Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) in an attempt to ridicule him over a purported manicure.

John Kerry and the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth
She-who-will-not-be-mentioned advances several falsehoods about Kerry in defending the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, an organization which spread numerous falsehoods and smears regarding Kerry's military record in the six months leading up to the 2004 presidential election.

Membership of Swift Boat VeteransShe-who-will-not-be-mentioned writes that "nearly three hundred veterans who served with Kerry said he was lying about his war record [Page 109]" and also states: "Only 14 Swift Boat Veterans sided with Kerry, while 294 sided with O'Neill. Let's see, would it be more difficult to get 14 people to tell the same lie or to get 294 people to tell the same lie? [Page 99]" But contrary to Coulter's assertion, among the roughly 300 she referred to, who signed a letter critical of Kerry, were people who subsequently admitted they had no firsthand knowledge of the claims they made; who contradicted their statements opposing Kerry both before and after they made them; and who reportedly said they joined with the Swift Boat Veterans not because they believed Kerry had "l[ied] about his war record" but because they disapproved of Kerry's subsequent statements opposing the Vietnam War.

Retractions by Swift Boat VeteransShe-who-will-not-be-mentioned falsely claims that "the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth weren't forced to retract any part of their story. [Page 100]" In fact, the organization aleterd its website's account of the December 2, 1968, mission for which the U.S. Navy awarded Kerry his first Purple Heart three days after Media Matters noted that the account was inconsistent with that of the group's star witness -- retired Rear Admiral William L. Schactee Jr., who claims he was the commander on that mission.
According to Schachte, Kerry did not deserve the award because the "skimmer" he supposedly commanded that night did not receive enemy fire, and Kerry's wound was the result of Kerry's own improper use of an M-79 grenade launcher. But in an April 2003 interview with The Boston Globe, "Schachte described the action as a 'firefight' and said of Kerry: 'He got hit,' " the Globe reported on August 28, 2004. According to the Globe, Schachte "did not challenge Kerry's Purple Heart" during that interview.

.....
Media coverage of Swift Boat VeteransShe-who-will-not-be-mentioned also suggests that the media ignored the allegations of the Swift Boat Veterans, writing, "The only way they could have gotten less attention would have been to be interviewed on Air America Radio. [Page 101]" In fact, as Media Matters senior fellow Eric Boehlert wrote in Lapdogs: How the Press Rolled Over for Bush (Free Press, May 2006):

By the time the Swift Boat story had played out, CNN, chasing after ratings leader Fox News, found time to mention the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth --hereafter, Swifties -- in nearly 300 separate news segments, while more than 100 New York Times articles and columns made mention of the Swifties. And during one overheated 12-day span in late August, the Washington Post mentioned the Swifties in page 1 stories on Aug. 19, 20, 21 (two separate articles), 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, and 31. [Page 177]

Boehlert further wrote:

[I]n the month of August, 2004, NBC network news alone covered the Swift Boat story on August 8, 15, 19, 20, 22, 23, 25, 26, and 29. CBS covered the story on August 8, 22, 23, 24, 25 26 and 30, while ABC devoted airtime to it on August 6, 8, 9, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, and 26. Some of the networks, using different morning and evening news programs, returned to the topic several times in one day. For instance on August 23, CBS reported on the Swifty controversy four different times, which of course, represented four more times than the CBS News division reported on question surrounding Bush's Guard service during the entire 2000 campaign. [Page 189]

.....
Conservative columnist Kathleen Parker's Palin criticism
She-who-will-not-be-mentioned took conservative columnist Kathleen Parker out of context to suggest that Parker made only stylistic criticisms against Gov. Sarah Palin when Parker called for Palin to withdraw as the vice-presidential nominee. In fact, Parker criticized Palin for what Parker said was a lack of substance. She-who-will-not-be-mentioned wrote:

Meteoric rises are available to any Republican who claims to be disgusted with the Republican Party for one or another reason. The heretofore unknown Kathleen Parker was the media's favorite Republican in 2008, after she called on Sarah Palin to withdraw from the campaign on the grounds that: She "filibusters. She repeats words, filling up space with deadwood." This might not have been manifestly insane if Palin's Democratic counterpart had been anyone other than Joe Biden -- who filibusters, repeats words, and achieves a personal coup every time he merely fills space with "deadwood," rather than one of his usual deranged pronouncements. [Page 114]

She-who-will-not-be-mentioned's suggestion that Parker's' criticism of Palin was limited to style rather than substance is false. In fact, in the syndicated column She-who-will-not-be-mentioned cited, Parker wrote, "Palin filibusters. She repeats words, filling space with deadwood. Cut the verbiage and there's not much content there [emphasis added]." Parker further wrote:
If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself.
If Palin were a man, we'd all be guffawing, just as we do every time Joe Biden tickles the back of his throat with his toes. But because she's a woman -- and the first ever on a Republican presidential ticket -- we are reluctant to say what is painfully true.

Lipstick on a PigShe-who-will-not-be-mentioned devotes four pages of Guilty [173-176] to discussing her false assertion that "Obama himself compared Palin to a pig and then denied doing so." In fact, Obama's September 9, 2008, statement, "you know, you can put lipstick on a pig; it's still a pig," did not refer to Palin, but rather to how a "list" of Sen. John McCain's policies were, according to Obama, no different from President Bush's. Obama did not mention Palin in at least the 65 words preceding his "lipstick on a pig" comment, as Media Matters noted. Moreover, the expression "lipstick on a pig" is commom political rhetoric -- Obama had reportedly used the expression in the past, and McCain used it in 2007 in reference to Sen. Hillary Clinton's health-care proposal.
Former acting Massachusetts Gov. Jane Swift -- a national member of the McCain campaign's "Palin Truth Squad" -- falsely accused Obama of making "disgraceful comments comparing our vice presidential nominee, Gov. Palin, to a pig," but later backtracked on her assertion, saying that she "can't know" if Obama's comment "was aimed at Governor Palin."

____________________________

And her lies go on and on; how this woman can call herself an author, much less a journalist, is beyond me. Look for the truth, She-who-will-not-be-mentioned, it's out there.

Meanwhile, we'll be listening to Perez tell us who's doing what to whom, and when and how.