Why Is It ...

… that people don’t remember that I don’t take constructive criticism from someone who has never constructed anything.

… that when I agreed with my therapist who said I was unstoppable, he said, “I said you were unstable,’ and I replied, “Meh. Tomato, potato.”

… that people need to know that if they want to paint me as a villain please wait until I pose.

… that no one realizes that being an adult is easy, it’s like riding a bike … that’s on fire … everything is on fire. You’re in Hell

… that when I fuck things up I fuck them up so badly that people wonder for years how I managed to do it.

… that no one notices that I wear my angel wings every day, but the minute I take them off and beat somebody with them suddenly everyone’s a witness

… that people call me mean but they don’t realize that I’m not mean, I am just not actively making you comfortable

… that I’ve just realized that life would be much easier if I could just mark people as spam

… that people who don’t understand that I’ve never had a mid-life crisis don't realize it's because my entire life is a crisis.

… that I feel like I am emotionally constipated since I haven’t given a shit in a really long time

Why Is It ...

… that when I think of Maddie, I always think, ‘Let the fun begin’ … wait, that’s not right. Oh, yeah, I think, ‘Let the fun be gin.’

… that people never learn that, before they try to hurt my feelings, take into consideration that I don’t have any and they probably do.

… that nothing brings out my inner sarcasm like being asked stupid questions at work.

… that people always ask why I post so many memes; short answer: I don’t have the body for an OnlyFans. Next question, please.

… that I often wonder if clouds look down on people and think, ‘That one is shaped like an idiot.’

… that people should remember that if I ever win the lottery, nobody around me will be poor and I mean that. Right after cashing that check I will be moving to a rich neighborhood.

… that it’s a 5 minute walk to the bar but a 45 minute walk home … the difference is staggering.

… that no one realizes how much I hate when they ring my doorbell because then I have to drop to the floor, lay there in silence and pretend I’m not home.

… that seeing people walk out of my life is really painful because I want to see them run.