Tuesday Thought #4

Tuesday Thought #3

Tuesday Thought #2

Tuesday Thought #1

Friendship Village Is Not Gay Friendly

Mary Walsh and Bev Nance have been together for 40 years, and had hoped to retire to Friendship Village, a senior living community in Sunset Hills, Missouri, but have been denied a place because they’re married; you know, two women, same sex, and all that.

Friendship Village? Perhaps they should rethink their name ... like, oh I dunno, howsabout Hateful Hacienda? Anti-Gay Acres?

Mary and Bev had visited Friendship Village in July 2016 and even put down a$2,000 deposit for a home there, but when the powers that be saw on their application that Mary and Bev are married to each other the application was rejected; they were told:

“Your request to share a single unit does not fall within the categories permitted by the long-standing policy of Friendship Village Sunset Hills.”

The owners cited its cohabitation policy, which only permits opposite-sex married couples under the belief that marriage is the “the union of one man and one woman, as marriage is understood in the Bible.”

Oh, folks, please reread your Bible and learn about it before opening your bigoted yaps. There have been all kinds of marriages permitted in the Bible. Does Friendship Village have a spot for a man with 30 wives? I mean, that’s in the Bible; wives as property? In there, too. Wives sold into marriage? Does Friendship Village have a spot for mail-order brides?

Walsh and Nance have been together since 1978 and tied the knot in Massachusetts in 2009, have lived in St. Louis for nearly 40 years and just wanted to grow old together.

Gosh, that sounds awful! Turn ‘em down! Damned lesbians!

Luckily, Mary ad Bev have filed a lawsuit against the senior community with the help of lawyers from the National Center for Lesbian Rights [NCLR]; their complaint alleges that Friendship Village violated the federal Fair Housing Act and Missouri Human Rights Act.

Now, Missouri state law does not explicitly cover anti-LGBT discrimination—because it’s Missouri—but their legal team are arguing that Walsh and Nance were discriminated against on the basis of sex:

“Mary and Bev were denied housing for one reason and one reason only—because they were married to each other rather than to men. This is exactly the type of sex discrimination the Fair Housing Act prohibits. Their story demonstrates the kind of exclusion and discrimination still facing same-sex couples of all ages.”

A spokesperson for the Friendship Village said:

“We have just been made aware of a lawsuit that we have not yet seen and have not had an opportunity to review. This matter will be discussed with legal counsel and [we] have no further comment at this time.”

Start commenting, because it looks like hate and if Mary and Bev win their lawsuit, and I hope they sue for monetary damages, I hope they make certain that Friendship Village lives up to its name.

Now, before anyone suggests I’m being a Pollyanna, and am not aware of who’s in the White House and which party controls Congress, and how right leaning the Supremes might become, I’d like to say that if you just look at fairness then there’s only one solution.

Unlike the Bible which offers all kinds of made up stories that so-called religious folks today don’t believe because they don’t fit their particular brand of hate.

Pink News

South Carolina Republican Wants Pride Flags Taken Down

So much going on in politics, scandals and scandals, sex and political, and all at the feet of the Fat Bastard. So, you know the politicians in charge would be doing something about it, right?

Not if you’re a politician from South Carolina—where it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity. Nope, Republican Congressman Jeff Duncan has introduced legislation that aims to bar U.S. embassies from flying the Pride flag in recognition of the LGBT community.

Duncan quietly introduced the measure—because homophobes fear the light—which seeks to “prohibit the flying of any flag other than the United States flag over United States diplomatic and consular posts, and for other purposes.” Now, we have the title of the legislation … H.R.6450 … but the full text of the legislation isn’t online at the Library of Congress website—again, homophobes fear the light—and Jeff Duncan’s office isn’t responding to questions from the media.

However, Ian Thompson, legislative director of the American Civil Liberties Union [ACLU] is talking and he says, based on the title of the legislation, the measure seems aimed at barring U.S. embassies from flying Pride flags, though the wording isn’t specific to the Pride flag:

“[But] that is clearly the motivation for this ridiculous, petty bill. It is telling that many of the most doggedly anti-LGBTQ members of the House of Representatives are co-sponsors.”

Those thirty-three co-sponsors include a plethora of the most wacknut, anti-LGBT lunatics in Congress, from Republican Vicky Hartzler, Missouri, to Republican Steve King, Iowa, Republican in the midst of a sex scandal, Jim Jordan, Ohio, and Republican, and certifiable asshat, Louie Gohmert of Texas.

Before now the flying of Pride flags at U.S. embassies has become common as a sign of U.S. solidarity with the LGBT community overseas and just days ago, for the first time ever, the U.S. embassy in Belize raised the Pride flag in support of LGBT people in that country. 

But Jeff Duncan is still trying to lie about his little legislation:

“The United States flag is the single greatest symbol of freedom the world has ever known, and there’s no reason for anything but Old Glory to be flying over our embassies and posts around the globe.”

Except to show that this country, under most presidents, except the amoral traitorous kind that Duncan, Hartzler, King, Jordan and Gohmert, support, this country is proud of its LGBTQ citizens.

But hey, what’s a little hate from the GOP? It’s business as usual.

Washington Blade

The Funny Papers

Michael de Adder, Chan Lowe, Bill Day, John Cole, Chris Britt, Nick Anderson, Jim Morin, JD Crowe, Adam Zyglis, Michael Ramirez, David Horsey

It's Snarkurday!

That Woman must not have any children to whore out to the press right now, so she’s out there whoring her own self.

Last week she was seen in Beverly Hills with a ginormous zirconia on that finger, apparently to make y’all believe that her professional walker, Corey Gamble, who’s been her squire since her divorce from Caitlyn Jenner in 2014, had popped the question.

As a Kardastrophe, though, she doesn’t outright spill the tea, but instead posts a picture of said ring on said finger and then lets it go.

That Woman is 62-years-old in human years while Corey is a quarter century younger, and way too hot to be seen with the likes of the Demon herself.

I hope Corey didn’t put a ring on it because she’ll put a leash on him and turn him into a Very Special Episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes until such time as his coma wears off and he runs for the hills.

Seriously. Look at him. Look at her … if you can … these two things don’t go together.

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I used to like Kathy Griffin; loved her snarky sense of humor, but after that _____ bloody head mess, she turned all desperate and thirsty and began acting like she was a victim in this mess. And now she’s going all victim again by reigniting a feud she’s had with Ellen DeGeneres about Joan Rivers … who passed away four years ago!

Griffin claims that the last time she saw Rivers before she died in 2014, Joan told her that Ellen had “shunned” her and how hurt she was by it; naturally Griffin shared this story with an audience:

“One of the things that really hurt Joan, and we talked about it at our last meal together, was that Ellen always shunned her and Ellen thought she was vulgar and not funny.”

And Kathy told the audience that she called Ellen to get her to appear at a tribute for Rivers and Ellen rebuffed her, saying “there’s a difference between mean and funny.” Griffin says:

“That fucking set me off. So, we had a fight in which I used inflammatory words like, ‘Look you fucking untalented hack.’”

Says the Bravo’s D-Listed celeb-wannabe to the woman with the hugely popular TV series and boatloads of cash. Well, several days later, Griffin says she tried to reach out to Ellen again, this time to do a sketch with her that involved them fighting. Yes, she started a fight with Ellen, who, let’s be clear, did not sink down and take the bait, and then asked Ellen to do a comedy sketch about the fight that Ellen did not have.

Thirsty bitch, that Griffin. Ellen said No; and that started Kathy Griffin’s dislike for Ellen and it’s why she’s still talking about it four years later. But this isn’t the first time Griffin has said Ellen doesn’t like her. In 2016, Griffin included a blind item in her book about a “daytime talk show host” with “short blonde hair” who had a “mean streak that all of Hollywood knows about.”

Griffin later confirmed it was about Ellen … a “daytime talk show host” with “short blonde hair” … could it have been Oprah?  … and says Ellen called her about that and went “on a rant” that left Griffin in tears.

“After the phone call I literally started sobbing. At the end of the day, whether we like each other or not, I’m always going to support a woman, over fifty, in the game, and making a great living.”

Wait. Let’s rehash … Griffin tried to get Ellen to perform at a tribute for someone Ellen didn’t like … Ellen refused … Griffin yelled at her … then Griffin was surprised that Ellen wouldn’t do a sketch with her … two years later she says Ellen is mean in real life because she didn’t jump when Kathy demanded.

Seriously. Ellen has yet to say one word about Kathy Griffin, who is the one who looks like a mean bitch to me.

And a thirsty one at that.

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Some old TV show gossip? Dukes of Hazzard style?

Apparently, Bo Hazzard, AKA John Schneider, has said he’d rather go to jail than pay his ex-wife, Elvira—not that Elvira—over $150,000 in back alimony. They were married 25 years and John thinks he’s give her enough coins and would rather sit behind bars that cough up any more.

Well then, lock him up and only let him out when his job in the laundry has earned him the 150K he owes the ex.

I imagine a few days as Bo, The Prison Bitch might change his mind and open his wallet.

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Oops, #MeToo has another case. And this time it’s Black-ish star Anthony Anderson who is being investigated by the LAPD for assault.

Charges filed last week by a woman who formerly worked with Anthony as a caterer at a private event last year. They met up once after his event to talk about future work, and that is when the ALLEGED inappropriate behavior went down. Now, there aren’t many, or any details, but Anderson is already on the offensive:

“It’s unfortunate that anyone can file a police report whether it is true or false. The authorities have not contacted Anthony or any of his representatives about this matter. Anthony unequivocally disputes the claim.”

Team Anthony might wanna simmer for a hot minute because this isn’t the first time someone has claimed he was inappropriate.

In 2004, he was charged with an ALLEGED rape of an extra on the Memphis set of Hustle & Flow. That woman claimed that both Anthony and an assistant director on the film both raped her. The charges were dropped after the judge declared the whole thing to be “the most suspicious case I’ve ever heard.”

ABC, home to Black-ish, has yet to say anything, because they’re probably trying to figure out how not to lose another hit show over the actions of its star. Just sayin’.

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Ever since Gwyneth Paltrow launched GOOP in 2008 it’s been accused of being full of quacks and charlatans … and run by a bad actress, but maybe that was just me? I mean, remember when Gwynnie claimed that shoving a $66 egg-shaped crystal in your cooch could “balance your hormones”? Or those amazing $60 stickers … yes, stickers … that could boost “boost cell turnover”?

Snake oil saleswoman. Well, Gwynnie wanted to create a magazine to spread her ridiculous thoughts and ideas but the magazine failed after just two issues. Paltrow, never one to accept responsibility, places the blame on publisher Condé Nast because they weren’t keen on publishing half-truths and lies.

Paltrow had hoped the magazine would be like the website and be a place where the GOOP team of quacks could go unchallenged in their assertions that “earthing”—AKA walking barefoot—is healing, among other things. And she is trying to spin the craziness of her site’s claims by saying this … with a straight Botoxed face:

“We’re never making statements.”

Um, yeah you were; put the egg in your cooch and this will happen. That’s an assertion Paltrow. But now, in an effort to at least look legitimate, she’s hired a team of lawyers and the fact-checkers who work overtime to prove what Paltrow claims … crystal eggs, $1500 white T’s, and going barefoot … have medicinal qualities.

Seriously, you think a lawyer will say that GOOP isn’t hogwash?

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It’s been over two years since the internet and the Beyhive opened up a case file into figuring out the identity of the “Becky with the Good Hair,” you know, the girl who took a ride on Jay-Z. The case remained unsolved, though many think Becky is designer Rachel Roy and others think it’s Rita Ora.

Cue one Amber Rose, who Inspector Clouseau’d herself into the story and now claims that Becky is one Gwyneth Paltrow. Ick. Recently Amber was a guest on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s podcast, Make Speidi Famous Again—don’t get me started on that mess—and made her case for Gwyneth taking a spin on Z dick:

“I definitely think that Gwyneth Paltrow is ‘Becky with the good hair … I feel like she’s the one who was, like, f**king Jay-Z. They were like friends, and then, like, you don’t see Gwyneth Paltrow with Beyoncé anymore. It just seems like she was the one that was f**king Jay-Z, and now Gwyneth lost her husband, but like Beyoncé’s still with Jay.”

First off, Amber, lay off the ‘likes;’ you’re not twelve. That said, she does make a strong case for Gwyneth being Becky especially when Paltrow’s team of lawyers and factcheckers instantly leapt forward to claim the accusation is “absurd” and 100 percent false.

And another source—possibly Paltrow burning love letters to Jay Z in which she asks him to make her his Queen Bey—claims Amber was just joking. But … was she?

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Sixty-eight-year-old David Foster’s daughter, Erin, posted this comment on one of her father’s Instagram posts where he posed with his fiancé the literally half his age Katharine McPhee.

“Mommyyy.”

At 35, Erin is one year older than Mommyyy.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Stephen Colbert, on _____’s advice not to believe what you read or hear:

“Our president says don’t believe what you see and read. “Oh good. Wooo, I was worried because what I’m seeing and reading is that the President is a racist, horny old burger-goblin who literally steals children from poor people.”

Guffaw! And _____ is so stupid because what about what he says and Tweets? Is he telling the Deplorables not to believe that?

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Michelangelo Signorile, warning that the religious wingnuts are trying to criminalize gay sex again:

“The reality of that may sound crazy and horrifying, but just a year and a half ago, many things sounded crazy and horrifying. The U.S. is separating children from their parents at the border—and dragging its feet on reuniting them, even under court order—and the president of the United States publicly sided with a longtime adversary over American intelligence, which he continues to attack. And it appears Roe v. Wade will be overturned. So anything can happen.”

I’m not sure I agree entirely. I think the right will try to shove us back into a closet, but too many of us are out, and married, and voting, and we have more allies on our side than we know.

It might be a battle, but I don’t think it’s a battle we’ll lose.

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Nikki Haley, to young conservatives:

 “I know that [name-calling and belittling liberals is] fun and that it can feel good, but step back and think about what you’re accomplishing when you do this—are you persuading anyone? Who are you persuading? We’ve all been guilty of it at some point or another, but this kind of speech isn’t leadership—it’s the exact opposite. Real leadership is about persuasion, it’s about movement, it’s bringing people around to your point of view. Not by shouting them down, but by showing them how it is in their best interest to see things the way you do.”

Sounds like she’s talking to her boss, no?

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Ryan Reynolds, ton how he’d like to see Deadpool and his alter-ego Wade Wilson explore his pansexuality:

“I certainly think that this universe…needs to represent and reflect the world in very real ways. The great thing about Deadpool is that we’re allowed to do things that other superhero movies don’t necessarily do. It’s something that I’d love to see more of, certainly through Wade, certainly through this universe because it’s something that we’re building out more.”

Um, yeah, I’d love to see Ryan Reynolds in a little man love kinda thing, and if he feels the need for some rehearsal, well, call me.

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Seth Meyers, on _____’s obsession with being secretly recorded by Putin, the FBI, Obama, and now Cohen:

“The president is facing an intense political backlash over his press conference last week with Vladimir Putin, his administration still has thousands of migrant children jailed and separated from their parents, and his personal fixer, Michael Cohen, might be cooperating with federal investigators. So naturally, _____ has decided the appropriate response is to threaten a war with Iran. Wow, you can take the crazy old man out of Queens, but you can’t stop him from yelling at foreigners. Also, you don’t get to say “BE CAUTIOUS” when you’re tweeting in all-caps. [But] _____’s obsession with being secretly taped is not new. It’s something he’s been fixated on throughout his presidency. Like when he falsely accused President Obama of having his wires tapped, or when he tweeted that James Comey better hope there are no tapes of our conversation. It’s almost like he got secretly taped at some point, and waiting for that tape to come out is slowly driving him insane. And he tries not to think about that tape, but for whatever reason every time he pees he can’t get it out of his mind. Even Trump’s explanations for his bizarre comments about secret tapes are themselves incriminating like when he was asked about his Comey tweet, and rambled like he was under police interrogation. So _____ is obsessed with being secretly taped, but it turns out that it wasn’t Russia or the FBI he should be worried about, it was his own lawyer. Everyone from his past is coming back to haunt him. If he ever goes on trial, it’s going to look like the Seinfeld finale, but instead of the Soup Nazi, there will be actual Nazis.”

That last bit slayed me. Actual Nazis! It’s funny, cuz it’s true.

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Eric Swalwell, Democrat from California, on _____’s relationship with his Daddy, Vladdy:

“He attacked our country. Most Americans, when their homes get broken into they upgrade their security system, they don’t invite the burglar over for dinner. And the president shouldn’t let Vladimir Putin in the Rose Garden for a victory lap.”

But Vlad has the goods on _____ and so he’ll have to do what he’s told.

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Star Parker, rightwingnut activist, bashing the LGBTQ community on Christian radio because, you know, God Hates Fags:

“They keep pushing out this idea, LGBTQ. We did the ‘L’ and the ‘G,’ they legalized marriage for themselves. We doing the ‘T’ now, the trans and this is a big, big challenge in our society right now. They did the ‘Q’ where they’re changing all the textbooks, even as low as kindergarten, to reflect that you don’t know what you are, you’re questioning. But notice they skipped over the ‘B,’ and there are some that say this ‘B’ is going to bombard us with real vileness in our society if they get what they want because it’s not about bisexuality, it’s about bestiality.”

First off, you dim bulb, we did not legalize same-sex marriage, that was the Supreme Court. Get your facts queer.

And your god … little g … must be so proud of you for your idiotic bestiality comment. You think you’re cute and funny and all that. But you’re not. You’re a sad pathetic angry little person who wouldn’t know God if She walked up to you and introduced Herself.

Take a seat.

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Derek Chadwick, an Instagram “influencer’—whatever that means—has come out as gay:

“I would identify now as gay … I’ve been nervous about people seeing my personality because I didn’t want them to jump to conclusions about me without knowing my whole story. It’ll allow me to be more personable on social media. I’ll be able to post more on my stories and videos on Twitter… it’ll allow me to stand up on the stage in front of the LGBTQ community and not feel so pressured about, ‘Oh my God, I wonder they think of me’, or, ‘I wonder what they’ll think of me’. If I can just inspire one person, whoever that is, to be their true self or do something they were scared to do or didn’t feel 100% confident in, that would be the most rewarding part of all this … Being honest and being who you are is always the best way to live.”

Welcome out, Derek, and please accept as our gift from HOMO HQ the Official Coming Out Toaster Oven™ and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out.

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Christine Todd Whitman, former GOP NJ governor, calling fellow Republicans to  demand _____’s resignation:

“I am a lifelong Republican. I have campaigned and won as a member of the party, and I have served more than one Republican president. My Republican colleagues—once rightfully critical of President Obama’s engagement strategy with Russian leader Vladimir Putin—have to end their willful ignorance of the damage Trump is doing both domestically and internationally. We must put aside the GOP label, as hard as that may be, and demonstrate the leadership our country needs by calling on the president to step down.”

It’s telling that Republicans out of office have more balls in protecting this country than the Republicans in office.

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Bobservations

Several weeks ago, Carlos called me at work to ask if I could take off July 20th and drive him to an eye appointment; I said I’d make the request right away and I did so,

Cut to July 19th and we’re driving to work in the morning, and I say:

“What time is your appointment in the morning?”

“It’s at 4 o’clock.”

“Four? Why’d you ask me to take the day off? I could have worked and just left about a half hour early.”

“I wanted to make sure we could get there on time.”

“Well, I’m sure we can since we have the entire day to drive the forty miles.”

Oy. That man. That adorable man.

A McDonald’s in Glastonbury, Connecticut is throwing some shade at a newly opened Chick-fil-A right next door, by posting that sign outside their restaurant:

 “We Welcome Everyone.”

Cuz, you know, Chick-fil-Anti-gay. Now, the manager at that McDonald’s says:

“It just means that everyone is welcome, young and old, everyone.”

The shade! I love it.

Sean Spicer, _____’s original liar, has a book to sell, but apparently it’s riddled with :::gasp::: lies, or, as most people call them lies.

One blatant error? Spicer refers to the author of the infamous _____ dossier as ‘Michael Steele, who is actually the former chairman of the Republican National Committee, not the British ex-spy Christopher Steele.

Seriously, Sean? Alternative facts, lies, or just plain stupidity?”

The title for the upcoming eighth season of American Horror Story has been officially revealed:

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

The new season is said to be a crossover of season one’s Murder House and season three’s Coven and will premiere on FX September 12. Confirmed cast members include Sarah Paulson, Evan Peters, Kathy Bates, Billie Lourd, Adina Porter, Cheyenne Jackson, Billy Eichner, Leslie Grossman, oh-so-yummy-and-oh-so-gay Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, right, Kyle Allen and … Joan Collins.

Plus, Emma Roberts will reprise her role as Coven's bitchy witchy Madison Montgomery.

I’m in!

Color me sad… Ivanka _____’s clothing line is kaput!

It will be shuttered, and employees have already been told to get out. In a statement, Ivanka said lied:

“When we first started this brand, no one could have predicted the success that we would achieve. After 17 months in Washington, I do not know when or if I will ever return to the business, but I do know that my focus for the foreseeable future will be the work I am doing here in Washington, so making this decision now is the only fair outcome for my team and partners.”

Wait, so the line was extremely successful? Y’all know that _____’s don’t run from cash, they run from failure and try to spin it into success. The line bombed, no one was buying, and Ivanka fled.

On the upside, since the line was manufactured everywhere but MAGA-land, no Americans have lost their jobs.

In this week’s edition of Racism Valet … out there in Berkeley, Essex Cook was walking along a street with his family when a woman began following them and verbally assaulting them.

In a video, the woman, Lauren Milewski, shrieks to the interracial family:

“You don’t belong here. Get out of Berkeley, Get out of here, You don’t belong anywhere.”

When Essex’s cousin, Elexia, tried to de-escalate the situation, Lauren Milewski became physically violent, and grabbed Elexia’s dress and hit her.

Sadly, several people walked by the altercation and said and did nothing, until finally one group of passersby called the police.

Lauren Milewski, racist asshat and thug, was arrested on suspicion of public drunkenness and violating parole.

Yes, the woman who suggested that an interracial family doesn’t belong on the streets of Berkeley, is on probation for grand theft.

Here’s the deal … when you see a Lauren Milewski out there verbally and physically assaulting someone, say something, Call someone, Dom something.

Walking by is being complicit.

At the White House’s annual “Made in America Product Showcase” event this week, Congresswoman Claudia Tenney noticed an odd thing about the place settings in the State Dining Room.

The flatware was made in China.

At a Made In America Showcase.

That’s America under _____.

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

The Brady Bunch house is for sale! For …. $1.885 million. And it does not come with Alice!

The 2,500-square-foot house in Studio City neighborhood hit the market after having the same owners for 45 years. Sadly, the couple passed away, and their children clearly didn’t wanna play Brady … and loved the idea of pockets of coin … so they opted to sell.

The listing claims the Brady house is the second-most photographed house in the country after the White House. And listing agent, Jodie LeVitus Francisco, says there’s a lot of interest, and it’s coming from developers who want to take a wrecking ball to the house much like that football slammed into Marcia Brady’s nose when everyone knows “Mom said don’t play ball in the house.”

So, it’s a tear-down? What’s going up in its place? Starbucks? CVS? The house from Mama’s Family?

This week _____’s Department of Agriculture announced it would offer $12 billion in aid to farmers hindered by retaliatory tariffs imposed on U.S. grain, produce and meat exports.

Those retaliatory tariffs are in response top _____’s tariffs imposed on other countries.

Let me get this queer: _____ imposes tariffs on Chinese goods. China responds in kind by imposing tariffs on American food stuffs. _____ then offers a $12 billion bail-out with money borrowed from … China.

Seriously?

Diminutive Attorney General Jeff Sessions was speaking to a group of conservative high school when they began chanting “Lock her up.” Let’s not even wonder why they’ll still chanting that except to say they have nothing to offer to the conversation, but … Session actually laughed at the chant:

“I heard that a long time over the last campaign.”

Sessions bets be careful, lest someone grab him and put him on a high shelf where he cannot get down.

I just heard that singer Demi Lovato is in the hospital recovering from a drug overdose. Lovato has a long history of substance abuse but had been clean for the last six years until recently.

But, Lovato wrote and recorded and released a song called “I’m Not Sober” recently, which has me wondering … I mean, she wasn’t sober when she wrote the song, she wasn’t sober when she recorded the song, she wasn’t sober when she released the song, and she wasn’t sober when she recently forgot the words to the song in a live performance. That all means she hasn’t been sober for quite some time and yet those around her did nothing to stop her or get her help.

See, to them Demi Lovato is a paycheck and if she doesn’t perform, they don’t get paid. What does it matter if she’s literally singing for help?

We all know that the news lately is bad, and vile and, well, _____. But at least I’ve found some solace, some way to listen to the news and not feel completely awful.

Whit Johnson, top left, has a perfect newsman name and a Clark Kent aura; he’s on GMA nearly every morning and I can take bad news when he smiles at me.

Jeremy Diamond, top right, is on CNN and between him, all beast mode and stuff, and Jim Acosta, it’s getting hot up in there.

Lastly, but never least, because he’s been here before is the, I hope, aptly named James Longman, bottom, I’m guessing, also of ABC with an English accent, a rockin’ bod and some homosexual tendencies … he’s gay, y’all.

The news is somehow more palatable.