The Funny Papers

Michael de Adder, Adam Zyglis, Jesse Duquette, Bill Day, Gary Huck, Ed Wexler, Max Espinoza, Christopher Shields, Tim Campbell, Jack Othman,

Meme Dump

Bobservations

This is the boys sharing a carrier as we visited the vet last week for their blood tests. Both are aging—Tuxedo is 17 or 18, maybe even 19, while Max is 16 or 17—and have kidney issues that required a special diet.

The blood work came back and Tuxedo’s numbers are very good; he’s active and east and drinks and pees and sleeps … it’s a cat’s life you know, but MaxGoldberg …

Max’s numbers went way up. Max doesn’t like the special diet, nor did he like the medication that was added to his food. Max isn’t doing well, and as our vet told us, we should just make him comfortable and let him do whatever he wants. The other night he slept with his head tucked under my chin and my arms wrapped around him. Carlos and I realized that Max is the only cat we’ve had since he was a kitten, and so we will do whatever makes Max happy and comfortable and loved until Max decides his next steps.

He’s a good boy, he’s a loved boy, and isn’t that all that matters?

I think Tuxedo should join Liz and Adam is running the January 6th hearings, because he ain’t playing either.

Former White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson testified this week that Thing 45 was so incensed that then-Attorney General William Barr dismissed claims of widespread election fraud that he threw his lunch at the wall in the West Wing dining room.

Picture Joan Crawford in a really bad wig and a fat suit. Hutchinson says she walked into the dining room and:

“I first noticed there was ketchup dripping down the wall, and there was a shattered porcelain plate.”

She wasn’t too upset because, as she added, there were “several times throughout my tenure with the chief of staff that I was aware of him either throwing dishes or flipping the tablecloth” like he’s a Real Housewife from New Jersey?

l was looking for a new summer look and stumbled upon this one but wonder if I need to carry a mini-mower with me.

And how do I water it?

Fourth of July is this weekend, a time when we celebrate America’s battle for freedom, and remind ourselves of how free we … Oh, wait, never mind. I think I’ll sit this holiday out since it’s been decided women aren’t free in this country.

Last week Carlos had a meeting with DHEC at a new Puerto Rican restaurant called ‘a Fuego’ in Columbia. A few days later he took me to it, because he said it was so good, and he was not wrong. He showed me a menu, with all sorts of good things on  it, but one name leapt out at me: Mofongo.

I haven’t had mofongo since we lived in Miami. It’s made from mashed green plantains—so it’s more savory than sweet—and has garlic and herbs mixed in it.

Delicioso; as were the Empanadas. We’re going back for lunch after a doctor’s appointment on Friday.

Rudy Giuliani says the ALLEGED assault he suffered during a campaign appearance on behalf of his son at a Staten Island ShopRite should result in the ALLEGED assailant being prosecuted:

“This has to stop!”

The former Mayor of New York insisted that he “could have been killed” by the slap on the back had he fallen, and says his shoulder is still hurt and that he had trouble sleeping Sunday night as a result.

Perhaps some alcohol, Rudy? You’re going to need it because that ShopRite worker, Daniel Gill, walked free from court after his charges were downgraded.

If you’ve seen the video you’ll understand why Rudy Karen Giuliani’s assault was seen as more of a slap on the back.

It was barely twenty years ago, after 9/11 that Giuliani was dubbed America’s Mayor and now he’s become Thing 45’s Whipping Boy and America’s Drunk Uncle.

Sachin Bhatt was born in the Midwest to Middle Eastern parents and is an actor, singer, and opera singer, but that’s neither here nor there. I have two questions: Would You Hit It? And Would You Hit It Hairy or Smooth? Or Both??

The Funny Papers

Steve Sack, Jim Morin, David Horsey, Mike Smith, RJ Matson, Adam Zyglis, Drew Sheneman, Nick Anderson,Nate Beeler, Clay Bennett

The Ego Cannot Land, So He Won't Go To The Mountain

There are all kinds of stories that when President-For-Now _____ visits London this fall, he’s demanded to ride in a royal, golden, carriage to his visit with the Queen.

He does like golden things, or so I’ve heard from Russian hookers.

See, _____ likes to think of himself as so extra special that he cannot do things like a normal person, or even a normal president, and now he’s showing that when he visits Israel.

President-For-Now _____ has opted out of visiting the ancient Israeli mountain fortress Masada because he couldn’t use a helicopter to get there, but would have to take a cable car like, you know, normal folks.

He was set to give a speech from Masada, but since he cannot make a grand entrance he’ll now speak at the Israel Museum in Jerusalem.

And why can’t he helicopter in? Well, there’s an Israeli Air Force regulation barring helicopters from landing at the summit of the Masada site because the wind from helicopters creates too much dust, making landing difficult, and perhaps causing damage the ancient ruins.

Former presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton landed helicopters at the base of the mountain and rode cable cars up but President-For-Now _____ has refused to do that.

Just sayin’.

Latest

President-elect _____ Throws Another TwitterTantrum

Well, if it’s Sunday, it must be President-elect _____ Twitter Meltdown Day, right? I mean, he usually goes after Saturday Night Live and Alec Baldwin but, alas, this week was a rerun, so what is the soon-to-be Tweeter-In-Chief—though I prefer Twit-In-Chief—to do?

He takes on the recounts happening around the country, spurred on by third party candidate Jill Stein. And he’s angry because How Dare She not accept the results and move on because we all know that Donald _____ would have gone quietly into that good night had the results been different, and by different I mean better.

Donald _____ would have encouraged mass protests and used all his minions, his special Hounds of Hell, even the Dumb Son, Eric, to battle against the idea that he lost; to rail about rigged elections. He would demand recounts! Hell, he’d pay for the recounts if he was guaranteed to be paid back for all his expenses.

But now it isn’t just Jill Stein asking for a recount in Wisconsin and possibly Michigan and Pennsylvania; nope, now the Clinton campaign has decided to join in the recount effort. And that’s where President-elect _____ has gone off the Twitter-Rails again:

To be clear: Donald _____ has lost the popular vote by well over 2 million votes—though that’s not enough to change to outcome ... let’s be real; and he won three traditionally blue states by the thinnest of margins. So, maybe questions are needed to be asked; maybe recounts are needed.

Though, again, sadly, I don’t think the outcome will change. But _____ is now whining about Hillary Clinton not accepting the results, even though she has yet to say a word about all of this; but _____ can’t take on Jill Stein because, well, Jill Stein, so he’ll go after Clinton ... who did accept the result ... who did concede the election ... something Big Ego Tiny Hands _____ never would have done.

I mean, had this gone the other way, the right way, can you not picture _____ and his band of miscreants all over the country whining and crying? The marches! The misspelled signage! The camouflage!

Oy. Seriously, Donald, just because some folks are questioning the results in a few places—and, again, I don’t think the outcome will change anything—can’t you step away from twitter and try, try, to focus on running this country? You’re looking like a fool whining over a few questions; you’re looking like an ass, when you say that millions of illegals voted and had they not you would have won the popular vote, too.

I mean, if that were true, you’d be first in line for a recount because, of all things you hate, being a loser is number one.

And, to paraphrase the immortal Bette Davis, to the slightly less immortal Joan Crawford, in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane:

“But y’are a loser, Donald, y’are a loser.”

By more than two million votes ... one of them mine.