Why Is It ...

… that people don’t do what I do, and stop crying about your problems on the internet and instead bottle them up inside and disguise them with dark inappropriate humor like a grownup.

… that my memory is like an Etch-a-Sketch? Every time I shake my head I forget everything.

… that, while I know my body cannot digest corn, how is possible that after I’ve chewed up the corn it comes back out in the shape of corn.

… that I don’t always have time to fold the laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

… that people must learn that the reason I don’t care about folks talking about me is because I know that when they’re talking about themselves no one cares.

… that my patience with everyone is literally at 1%.

… that people who watch my life and gossip about it should not give up because the new season is about to start streaming.

… that no one looks both ways before getting on my nerves.

… that people need to remember I am not that great in the advice business, but I am a pro at the sarcastic comeback.