Oh Melanie ... You Have Some 'Splaining To Do

Last week Melanie popped into the White House unannounced to tell the press that she knows “nut-ting” about Epstein in a long-winded rant that only seemed to suggest she knew a lot more than she was saying:

“I have never been friends with Epstein.”

And yet there are so many photos of Melanie and the pedophile and his enabler Ghislaine Maxwell looking oh so cozy. And she says her email correspondence with Maxwell was only causal but that begs the question, why sign the emails, “Love, Melania”? That doesn’t sound casual.

And it doesn’t explain why she felt the need to commandeer the podium in the Press Room and plead her case. And doesn’t explain why she decided to talk to the press, but not take one single question, on a topic her husband calls a “hoax.”

Is she throwing Cankles under the bus and, if so, why?

Coins. She wants a new pre-nup so she took her story to the press in the hopes that her husband john would put some more dough in her offshore bank accounts. I mean, she sees the grift and she wants her cut.

Her so-called “brand.” She knows that once her husband john leaves the White House she’ll be on her own and she’s trying to protect her brand of … bad hats and Botox?

Her image? Her image was tarnished the very moment she wore that ‘I Don’t Care, Do U’ jacket and continued when she was caught on tape saying, ‘Fuck Christmas.’

She said Epstein did not introduce her to Cankles, that they just met at a party … for Faux-Billionaires and Sloveneina Hooker Mail Order Brides? And what about the recordings of Epstein bragging that he was Cankles’ “closest friend for 10 years” and claiming that the first time Cankles’ schtupped Melanie it was on Epstein’s infamous “Lolita Express” plane?

What about that Mel? And what about her degrees? Although her 2016 Republican National Convention biography claimed she earned a degree in design and architecture from a university in Slovenia, reports confirmed she dropped out after her first year to pursue a “modeling” career in Milan and Paris … and on an island somewhere.

Come clean, girl, because now a group of Democrats on the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee are calling on Melanie to testify before Congress as part of their probe into the crimes of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein:

“If the First Lady wants to clear her name, she should come before the Oversight Committee and testify under oath.”

Just like Hillary Clinton did, so Melanie, slap on a lampshade and head off to Capitol Hill to explain all the tomfuckery … well, the Tom, Dick and Harry et al Fuckery.