Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Monday, September 23, 2019
I Should Be Laughing: Wyatt Talks To Renny
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“You look nice.” He tried again to engage her in conversation. The way she sat there on the bed, formal, stiff, her body quivering as though she was freezing, her eyes alert but strangely empty, her breath hardened and quick, frightened him. Wyatt didn’t think she would make it through the day and, in fact, would fall apart as easily as the house of cards in which she lived. “That’s a beautiful dress.”
Her response was to raise her hand to him, and rub her thumb over the tips of her first two fingers. Money, it said. The day before, after returning from the funeral home and disposing of her mother’s final gift, Renny had taken to her room. She hadn’t come down to dinner and even refused the tray of food Harry carried up to her. All she could think about was being alone, putting an end to the nightmare her mother created and going away with her husband and children—to put The Landing and the sea, Harry and Jimmy and Wyatt back where they belonged, in the past.
Staring out the window at the oppressive, colorless sky pressing down onto the hilltops, with Wyatt standing patiently near the door, dressed in a simple black suit and tie, she wanted to talk; she needed to talk. To tell him why she would leave after the funeral, why she would never speak to Harry or Jimmy again, why she was…like she was. But the muscles in her face seemed too weary and she ended up grimacing and moaning.
“It never ends,” she finally said after a series of false starts. She pushed aside the hat and veil that lay beside her on the bed and Wyatt accepted her silent invitation. He sat next to her and she slipped her hand into his. “I had always hoped it was over, but it isn’t.”
“What?”
“The beatings, the pain. This house.” Murmuring awkwardly, Renny’s mood was as sober as her outfit. “I wanted it to be over when she died, but it isn’t. I feel the abuse every time I turn around.” Her eyes watering, she involuntarily pressed her thumb and forefinger to either side of her nose to stem the tears. After a moment, she pulled her hand away and wiped her fingers on the bed spread. “I wanted to do the right thing, finally…” she laughed. “I wanted to come back here and bury my mother and put all of this to rest, but I’m still getting hit.”
“How?”
“My things in the attic. I thought she’d saved them for me out of…out of kindness, I thought she’d changed. But you saw them. She ruined my childhood, Wyatt, and when I ran away, she went after the only good memories I had left.
“And that shoe box? Inside was this horrible note that said I was…. It’s been nothing but slaps and kicks since the moment I came home. Jimmy’s pathetic lie…Emma…Harry being gay.” Wyatt’s hand clenched inside hers and she held on tight as she explained. “It’s not that Wyatt, really. I just didn’t know about him, I forgot him. Then I come home and he tells me he’s gay and—.”
“I’m here?”
“It isn’t that!” Embarrassed, Renny smiled and brushed her hand over Wyatt’s cheek. “I’m happy for him…that he has you…I’m…I’m jealous…of what he has with you, of the way you two are together. He went through hell in this house just like I did and he turned out all right.”
“No…no,” Wyatt said. “He wasn’t ‘all right’ when I met him Renny. He was…” He held her hand to his face. “His first lover beat him and for some reason Harry thought he deserved it. John, I told you about him, he died of pneumocystis, was very much like your mother. He hit Harry; he did the most horrendous things, and then he would tell Harry he loved him. It was a long time before Harry found out that love didn’t hurt, that he had a right to be happy. Your mother and John made him feel that way.”
“But you said John was your family.” Renny said. “How could he do that to Harry and—.”
“Harry forgives, Renny,” Wyatt told her sweetly, remembering John, with Harry. “It’s one of the great things he does, forgiveness. You should try it. Try forgiving yourself for all the wrongs you think you’ve done, and then forgive the wrongs done to you.”
“I can’t, Wyatt.” She pulled her hand away and instantly became stiff and cold. “I’m leaving after the funeral and I’m not coming back. I’m not going back to that life. When I leave here, all of this, the house, Jimmy and Harry, it ends.”
Laughing, Wyatt stood up and went to the window. His back to her, he ran his hand through his hair; his shoulders trembling with laughter; or was it his tears? At last, not able to face her, he said, “This will never end, Renny. Harry and Jimmy, this house, your mother and father, the lies…they’ll always be there, right behind every word, every smell, every flicker of light or piece of music that sounds like home.
“Every little boy that you see on the street will become Lyle and you’ll look around for Jimmy but he won’t be there. If you meet someone gay, you’ll wonder what Harry’s doing…how I am…and you’ll want to call, but you won’t know where we are because you ran off again…every single delta breeze that winds through Sacramento will carry with it the memories of Skeleton Road.
“Forgive yourself Renny and it will end.”
“I don’t deserve to be forgiven,” She said bitterly. “Not by anyone. I’ve lied to everybody in my life, to everyone I ever loved. My husband, Wyatt…my husbands! I’ve had three and I lied to them all, but David got the worst of it because he stuck around the longest.”
“If he loves you, he’ll forgive you.”
Renny shrugged. “I don’t even know how to start.”
“Stop lying,” Wyatt said, coming closer. “Tell him the truth.” When Renny started to object, he raised his voice. “We’ve all lied, Renny. Harry lied every time he said he fell down when, in fact, John punched him. Jimmy lied when he found out where your father lived. You lied about having a family. And I’ve told my share. I lied to my parents about friends I didn’t have, vacations I didn’t take. I looked my mother right in the eye, when I was seventeen and she asked if I was gay, and I said ‘No.”
“Everyone lies, but I learned a long time ago that it isn’t the lie that hurts. It’s keeping the secret that causes the pain. Tell the truth and the pain ends.”
“I can’t.” The tears started again but this time she let them fall, lowering her head and watching the teardrops splatter on her skirt. Kneeling in front of her, Wyatt put his fingers beneath her chin and made her look at him; he willed her tears away. “You don’t understand,” she said. “I told Harry that I’ve become our mother and I’m terrified of doing harm to my own children. I don’t want to hurt them but I keep imagining that I end up like her. One day…one day soon…my children will find me like Jimmy found her.”
Weeping violently, Renny’s teeth scraped a groove through her lipstick.
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Sunday, September 22, 2019
Saturday, September 21, 2019
I Ain't One To Gossip But ...
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I like actress Laura Dern; I do. But does anyone other than actress Laura Dern really think she’s having a thing with Bradley Cooper because she’s the only one talking about it.
It seems that Dern and My-Husband-In-My-Head Bradley Cooper—not to be confused with My-Husband-In-My-Head Anderson Cooper—were spotted having lunch together in June and Dern comes out in late September to say there’s nothing to it, they’re just friends …blah blah blah.
No need to explain, Laura, we already guessed that.
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On the heels of the Miley Cyrus-Liam Hemsworth breakup comes the news that Lindsay Lohan is somehow involved. I mean, only in her own utterly empty head, but still, she is talking about it.
As the lovebirds announced they were finished, Lohan took to Instagram to lament that none of the brothers Hemsworth ever vied for her attention.
Note to Lindsay: men don’t “vie” for your attention; they call your pimp, give over a credit card number, and then send a car for you.
Okurrrrrr?
PS I don’t think a Hemsworth would ever want to wade in the STD pond that is Lindsay Lohan.
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I used to find actor Tom Hiddleston absolutely delicious, but then he hooked up with Taylor Swift and I suddenly realized he was an empty-headed famewhore.
But that’s just me; apparently one woman who paid to see Hiddleston in Broadway’s Betrayal, was so overcome with lust for Hiddleston that she up, well, as Erika Jayne once famously screeched, “patted the puss” right there in the theater.
Twice! And when the show was over this Diddling Donna ALLEGEDLY applauded like a wild woman causing one theatergoer to post about the show:
“The show was really wonderful and the cast first-rate. But you might want to avoid seat B-3.”
Note taken.
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Wendy Williams, who has had one Hell of a year between denying about her husband cheating, admitting her husband was cheating, denying about her husband having a child with his mistress, admitting her husband had a child with his mistress, denying she was divorcing her husband, admitting she was divorcing her husband, denying she was having a substance abuse relapse, admitting she was living in a sober house because she had a substance abuse relapse, is now pointing out other liars.
Pot.Kettle.Black. And while the chance that all this messiness would cause Williams to lose her show, it was renewed and she’s back, spilling the tea, stirring the pot and tossing the shade … at Christie Brinkley. Williams claims that Christie, who was set to appear on this season’s Dancing With The Has-Beens until she fell and “broke” her wrist in a fall, is faking the whole thing to get her daughter, Sailor Brinkley-Cook, a shot at some publicity:
“Well, that looked fake as hell … Let me tell you what I see. I don’t see a wrist and a shoulder being fractured. But that was real cute. Here’s my thought: Dancing with the Stars called Christie Brinkley … and she said yes. After she got off the phone, that’s when she plotted her schedule. … knowing that she’d put her daughter Sailor in there.”
Wendy? Hon? Why don’t you try telling the truth about yourself, before demanding the same of others? Plus, you know, you made Christie Brinkley cry and sob and weep … over Wendy Williams gossip.
Girl please. You both need to take a seat.
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Back in 2017 Kevin Hart revealed to the world that he was a cheating dirtbag. Now, he didn’t reveal this truth because his conscience was bothering, but because his jump-off apparently had video of Little Kevin and Littler Kevin.
Now his mistress, Montia Sabbag, claimed at the time she had no involvement in the “film”—though a film of Montia doing the nasty with her neighbor wouldn’t sell as much as Montia doing Little Kevin—now she is claiming that Kevin himself is one of the orchestrators of this sex tape scandal.
And so, she’s suing him for $60 million.
And she may have a case because one of Hart’s best friends, one JT Jackson, was arrested for extortion and charged because of this hidden camera sex tape, and Montia thinks Kevin was in on it because he had a tour coming up and the idea of people seeing Montia and Kevin do the deed in grainy video footage would help ticket sales. Seriously.
Even if it still begs the question: who is Montia Sabbag and why would anyone want to watch her have sex with anyone … including Kevin Hart?
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Remember when Jose Canseco claimed in his 2008 autobiography Vindicated that Madonna had ALLEGEDLY wanted him to be her sperm donor?
First off, Jose Canseco? Ick.
Well, now, another dreamboat from Madge’s past is saying he was be her Baby Daddy—in Sperm only—and he is none other than … Dennis Rodman. But while Jose seemed to be in it just because he could nail Madonna, Rodman says Madge offered up significant coins for his junk. Rodman is ALLEGING that Madonna called him up, out of the blue, announced she was ovulating, and said:
“Dennis, you know that I’m ovulating.”
And then he says she sent a private jet to pick him up in Las Vegas, and bring him back to her New York City manse where, before they did the deed, she said if she got pregnant, she’d pay him $20 million.
So, they banged, cleaned up, and he was back on the plane to Vegas. And we all know that Madonna didn’t get pregnant with Rodman’s baby, so he never got that 20 mil. But he does have that story to tell, and another one …
Rodman has also ALLEGED Madge made a similar deal with Carlos Leon—who fathered her daughter Lourdes—though he has no facts, just his flapping lips. But he has a book to sell, so …
Still, it begs the question, if you sleep with Rodman for $20,000,000, where are you gonna get the coins for your follow-up treatments.
STDs ain’t cheap, y’all.
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Friday, September 20, 2019
I Didn't Say It ...
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James Corden, host of The Late Late Show with James Corden, on Bill Maher’s suggestion last that fat-shaming “needs to make a comeback”:
“[I] found it so surprising that he, or anybody, thinks that fat shaming needs to make a comeback because fat shaming never went anywhere. We are reminded of it all the time. There’s a common and insulting misconception that fat people are stupid and lazy. We’re not. We get it, we know. We know that being overweight isn’t good for us. I’ve struggled my entire life trying to manage my weight. We’re not all as lucky as Bill Maher. We don’t all have a sense of superiority that burns 35,000 calories a day. Let’s be honest, fat-shaming is just bullying. It’s bullying, and bullying only makes the problem worse.”
Good on Corden for taking on Smug Maher.
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Gareth Thomas, Welsh rugby star, has come out as HIV-positive after “evil” people threatened to go public with his condition without his consent:
“I want to share my secret with you. Why? Because it’s mine to tell you. Not the evils that make my life hell by threatening to tell you before I do. And because I believe in you and I trust you. I’m living with HIV. Now you have that information, that makes me extremely vulnerable, but it does not make me weak. Now even though I have been forced to tell you this, I choose to fight to educate and break the stigma around this subject. I’ve been living with this secret for years. I’ve felt shame and keeping such a big secret has taken its toll. I was in a dark place, feeling suicidal. I thought about driving off a cliff. To me, wanting to die was just a natural thought and felt like the easier way out, but you have to confront things. I was being blackmailed and in my mind, I thought you only get blackmailed for something really bad, which compounded the feeling of shame. I went for a routine sexual health test at a private clinic in Cardiff. I didn’t feel ill and thought everything was going to be fine. When (the doctor) said those words… I immediately thought I was going to die. I felt like an express train was hitting me at 300mph. Then I was thinking ‘how long have I got left?’ I’m speaking out because I want to help others and make a difference. I hope me speaking out about my diagnosis will help a lot of people.”
In this day and age people are still trying to shame those with HIV.
Seriously, does anything ever change?
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Pete Buttigieg, Presidential candidate, on the most serious professional setback he ever faced:
“You know, as a military officer serving under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and as an elected official in the state of Indiana when Mike Pence was governor, at a certain point, when it came to professional setbacks, I had to wonder whether just acknowledging who I was, was going to be the ultimate career ending professional setback. I came back from the deployment and realized that you only get to live one life and I was not interested in not knowing what it was like to be in love any longer. So, I just came out.”
When you finally realize that, because you’re closeted, you cannot live a fully open life, cannot be open about who you love or how you feel, that’s when people come out.
Even today, younger queerlings, and some older ones, remain closeted out of fear, but the more of us that are ‘out’ there the stronger we all become.
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Rob James-Collier, Thomas Barrow, the valet in Downton Abby, on the film’s depiction of being gay in 1927:
“[Barrow’s storyline is] like a separate film so what a lovely thing, Thomas has got this little vignette off on the side. When all the pomp and circumstance with the royal visit is going on, you cut to Thomas’s story so I’m like ‘Thank you Julian (Fellowes, the writer) for trusting me that I can do this.’ You see Thomas discover a whole new world, and that is closer to who he is and there is a joy there, but then that joy may get taken away but it’s a very emotional, Thomas’s journey. It also hammers home what it was like to be a gay man in those times, it was horrific, and it’s brought back and it just shows how different it was. It must have been so hard for him and that is why the people warm to him and root for Thomas now, and they certainly will in the film if you watch it.”
Thankfully times have changed and, while this kind of vile anti-LGBTQ hatred still exists, it doesn’t happen as often as it did, and we cannot be jailed for being gay … in most places.
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Seth Dunlap, WWL Radio host, who was called a “fag” by his station’s Twitter account last week after he expressed disappointment with drew Brees’ involvement with the anti-LGBTQ group Focus on the Family., on that incident:
“While I have suffered greatly, this attack was not just about me. While I may have been the one directly and publicly shamed with the use of an unacceptable slur disseminated on social media, the target was really the entire LGBTQ+ community. That community, my community, is subjected to that sort of vile language and hate on a daily basis. Look inside the comments, replies, or DM’s to any openly LGBTQ+ person and you’ll easily find similar disgusting, foul attacks. This incident just peeled back the curtain a bit for people to see the ugliness that surrounds us. I truly believe this targeted attack was, in part, the result of deteriorating civil discourse in our country. Powerful men and women have decided to make hate, bigotry, and divisiveness platforms for their advancement in public life. It’s apparent that far too many people have forgotten the ugly lessons of the past, and this growing divide threatens to shatter the very foundations of an equal and welcoming society.”
Nice to know that the company that employs you calls you a ‘fag’ on social media because you, rightly, believe that Drew Brees did an ad for an anti-LGBTQ hate group.
WWL Radio has not commented since it said it was beginning an investigation into the matter.
Huh; go figure.
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Thursday, September 19, 2019
Bobservations
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No funny Carlos stuff this week … but it’s been a week.
A coworker of mine passed away suddenly last Friday morning and I don’t know why, but it hit me very hard. Possibly because she was just fifty, and because she was such a fully alive sweet kind lovely laughing singing dancing funny friend that I still cannot grasp not seeing her every day. I do know that the last words I uttered to her as she left work last Thursday were …
“I love you, Miss Debra. See you next week.”Carlos and I will be at her service today to say our goodbyes along with a great many other people who knew her and loved her.
Carlos also found out that with his disability he can still earn up to $2400 a month working part-time. I have suggested he get a job to earn just that much, or perhaps a smidge less, and then I will quit my job.
He was not amused.
And, lastly, he has an appointment with a surgeon here in town about his hernia. When his GP suggested he find a surgeon close to home, everyone we asked said the same name, and that’s who we’re going with. Lucky, living in a small town where everyone knows the best doctor.
My father got his ‘boot’ off and still doing physical therapy but is back to nearly all of his old routine. Next week he should be able to go back to his yoga classes and he’s already back volunteering at the Oregon Coast Aquarium.
Baby steps are working.
And that was a bit of the past week; sad, sweet, nice and good.
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I’m loving this … the House Oversight Committee is investigating whether Transportation Secretary, AKA Missus Moscow Mitch, Elaine Chao acted improperly to benefit herself or her family’s shipping company.
Chao was asked to turn over documents related to the New York-based company, Foremost Group—owned by her father and sisters—which transports material to and from China. It seems Chao may have used her Cabinet position to benefit the company and increase its influence and status with the Chinese government.
So, do we have #ChinaChao and #MoscowMitch?
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State prosecutors in Manhattan have subpoenaed _____’s accounting firm to demand eight years of his personal and corporate tax returns.
Ruh-roh. The subpoena was issued by the Manhattan district attorney’s office right after it opened a criminal investigation into the role that _____ and his mob family played in hush-money payments made in the run-up to the election. Both _____ and his company reimbursed Michael Cohen, _____’s former lawyer and fixer, for money Cohen paid to buy the silence of Stormy Daniels after her affair with _____.
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This is an ISBL Public Service Announcement [/sarcasm font]
Dear Black People, If you don’t want to be arrested could you please stop doing things like driving, ordering coffee, having a picnic, taking a nap, or trying to open a bank account. Sincerely, White Racists
Anthony Onyegbula wanted to open a new bank account, but instead found himself face-to-face with police after a bank worker called 911 because … wait for it … Onyegbula looked suspicious because he was wearing a hat. Oh, yeah, and he’s black, too, so maybe it was just the blackness.
Onyegbula was outside the United Community Bank in Georgia, speaking to his wife about opening an account there while a teller inside called 911 and said:
“He went to the front door and he’s been on his phone, and, I, um, called from my phone to tell the employees to lock the front door.”
They locked the doors at 2:15 though they close at 4:30 because … black man … in a hat … on a phone … outside. The teller then told 911:
“He’s been on his phone out front. And we have no cars in the parking lot. He’s a walker. So, I feel like he’s up to no good.”
Onyegbula and his wife left to go to another bank and that's when they realized police had been called; officers came into that bank, asked the manager to clear the room, and then spoke to Onyegbula.
Black man. Hat, Bank. Phone.
The regional president for United Community Bank sent Johnson a statement, that reads:
“For privacy reasons, we do not comment publicly about the details of any customer or potential customer transactions. However, providing excellent customer service is our top priority and we are disappointed that we didn’t deliver that to Drs. Onyegbula and Tedga in this case. This afternoon we were able to speak directly with Drs. Onyegbula and Tedga to personally apologize for the misunderstanding. We are glad for the opportunity to connect and improve, and hope to have an opportunity to earn their business in the future."
Good luck with that, unless you supply a sheet to people of color on how to dress and act, and to stay off their phones, and drive a car to the bank, so they don’t look like robbers.
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Josh Owens, the CEO of Indianapolis-based online retailer SupplyKick, announced his bid for governor of Indiana making him the state’s first openly gay major party candidate for that office:
Indiana; home to bigoted homophobe and … ALLEGEDLY closeted gay male, Michael Elizabeth Pence might have a gay governor.
Just sayin’.
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On Monday night, former Trump White House
After one judge said Spicer looked like he was being chased around the stage by wasps, he was given a score of 4. And because Sean Spicer is a bottom feeding loser with nothing else going on, he took to Twitter to remind everyone that Jesus wants you to vote for him:
“Clearly the judges aren’t going to be with me. Let’s send a message to #Hollywood that those of us who stand for #Christ won’t be discounted. May God bless you.”
Jesus gave him a one-fingered vote.
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And now I need some refreshment, in the way of 30-year-old actor and model, Darius Williams.
He oozes sexuality, both in, and out of his clothes.
And he looks good wearing a hat!
I feel so much better already!
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Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Architecture Wednesday: Bucks County Barn
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First off, if I’m not mistaken, I believe Bucks County is home to our dear Mistress Maddie, and I bet if we all beg and plead and offer our, um, services, perhaps The Mistress will buy this place and we can all go live there, or at least visit.
Whaddya say, Maddie?
Anyway, it’s a barn, in Upper Black Eddy, Bucks County, Pennsylvania, and you know I love a good barn. Especially one that keeps all the original timber framing of the interior and the original stone walls of the foundation.
Oh, and this is just the guest house; no telling what the main house looks like.
It’s big and it’s open and features two bedroom/bath suites with private entrances in the lower level, with rustic ceilings and stone walls.
But it’s the main floor, completely airy and open and with one wall of glass where I’d spend most of my time. Either there, or up in the loft area above, admiring the views outside and inside.
Um, MM? You got some spare coins to buy this place?
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