Liar. Fraud. Bachmann.

Michele Bachmann is running for president on a platform of crazy, misinformed, pandering, and downright lying.

I mean, we all know that, right?

Well, all of us except for those Teabaggers to who she panders the most. Whatever the 'Baggers say they want, Michele just repeats it ad nauseum like it was her own brilliant idea. One of the 'Baggers biggest complaints, besides, well, everything else, is that government is too much in their business, and they want less government, and less government control.

So Michele says, Hey! I want that, too, and I'm just the one to give it to you.

Um........liar.

See, back on November 5, 2009, when Bachmann and her Hounds Of Hell saw an opportunity for her to run for--and ultimately lose--president, she wanted to hold a Tea Party for her minions. And on that day, thousands of 'Baggers descended on the Minnesota state capitol to vent their anger over many things, from health care reform--even though it might benefit them most of all--and big government.

Sounds like a lovely day, right? i mean, if you're into listening to a Crazy Eyed Moron speak.

But her masses of Teabagging activists gathered and ranted, meandered and chanted..."Kill the bill! Kill the bill!"...and waved their signs--many of which were unfortunately misspelled--and had no idea that the very government that they were protesting, had paid for the event.

At the request of their Leader, Michele Bachmann.

According to House expense reports, Bachmann and three of her kin, er, conservative GOP colleagues--Tom Price of Georgia, Steve King of Iowa, and Todd Akin of Missouri--each paid $3,407.50 that day to a sound and stage company called National Events, apparently for the sound system used at the rally.

Nice that they could do that, you know, pay for the rally. Except they didn't.

The money came from the Members' taxpayer-funded office accounts, despite House rules prohibiting the use of these funds for political activities. Michele Bachmann's office insists the expense was a proper use of official funds because they called the event a "press conference." Press conferences can be funded from official accounts, but aren't press conferences designed for, um, the press.

Not at Bachmann's Tea Party.
Her press conference took no questions from the press.
Her press conference opened with a prayer.
Her press conference included the National Anthem and the Pledge of Allegiance.
And her delighted throng of 'Baggers paid for it.

A few days earlier, Bachmann appeared on Fox News--naturally--and appealed to Teabagger activists to come to Washington DC for her event, promising to help them lobby Congress against the bill: "I'm asking people to come to Washington, D.C., by the carload. I'd love to have every one of your viewers join me so that we can go up and down through the halls. Find Members of Congress, look at the whites of their eyes and say, 'Don't take away my health care.'"

Now, did she doing anything legally wrong in using taxpayer funds to have her Tea Party. Sadly, no, because, although House rules prohibit the use of official resources for political purposes, the definition of what is political is murky and House "Members often have discretion in determining whether an event will be 'political' or 'official.'"

Still, while it might not have been legally wrong, I wonder how the Teabaggers feel, knowing that their champion for less government involvement and lower taxes, used their tax money to hold a rally? Did Bachmann tell them? Of course, not, because Michele Bachmann wouldn't know the truth if Mama Grizzly Bore delivered it to her on a dog sled.

Hopefully, though I seriously doubt it, Teabaggers will remember this when they begin voting in the primaries. The woman who says she wants to ease the burden of taxpayers uses taxpayer money to promote herself and her causes.

In the end, I guess, you get what you pay for.

source

Reality Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be

Every once in a while, while feeding my addiction to the Real Housewives franchise--all, except Orange County, Atlanta and New Jersey because they're pigs--I think to myself, Hmmm, wouldn't a Real Househusbands of Smallville make an interesting show?
Then I realize that, even though I don't have many skeletons in my closet--those records have long been expunged or are permanently sealed by Homeland Security--it might be too much of a Pandora's box kinda thing.
Case in point:
Teresa & Joe Giudice, The Real Housewives Of New Jersey

Teresa is the table flipping white trash ho, and she and her husband Joe are no stranger to legal woes.
Back in 2009, the couple filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy because they were unable to pay the $11 million they owed to various creditors.
Nice, eh?
Since then Joe has been arrested for Driving While Intoxicated [DWI], driving on a suspended license, and fraudulently obtaining a driver's license--he ALLEGEDLY used his brother's name and address to obtain a new license.
Now, one of Joe's former "business" partners, Joe Mastropole, has filed a lawsuit against the Teresa and Joe accusing them of forging his name on mortgage documents in order to pocket $1 million.
Joe Giudice's response:  "Everybody does it."
But not everybody does it, and not everybody is forced by a judge to pay his former business partner $260,000.
Nice couple, the Giudices.
And, just this week, the Giudices—along with Bravo and other members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey cast—were named in a lawsuit over a drunken bar fight that occurred in February, while they were filming on location in the Dominican Republic.

Melissa & Joe Gorga, The Real Housewives Of New Jersey

Lawsuits must run in the family. See, Joe Gorga is Teresa's brother.
Joe and his wife, Melissa, claim that unlike the Giudices, they "pay their bills", but other folks beg to differ.
Joe Gorga has been the subject of 26 lawsuits in New Jersey since 2002,  including a 2008 state tax lien for over $20,000.
Most recently Gorga is being sued by Starlite Window Manufacturing Co. Inc. to the tune of $30,000 for nonpayment of work.
The Gorgas are also being sued for $50,000 by a sprinkler company for work on an apartment complex in Paterson.
Additionally, according to public records, a civil judgement was made against them for over $12,000 to a company called Slaby Engineering Associates.
Three lawsuits a year.

Danielle Staub, former drug mule, former prostitue, former star of the Real Housewives of New Jersey

For the moment Danielle is out of the reality TV biz, although she is ALLEGEDLY filming some sort of show now, probably on Adults Only pay-per-view, but that doesn't mean she is immune to lawsuit-itis.
Her ex-husband Kevin Maher--author of the infamous Cop Without a Badge which detailed Staub's run as a drug delivering pole dancing whore--filed a defamation suit for $5 million after she wrote in her memoir that he "killed her dog, forced her to play Russian Roulette and even raped her."
They deserve each other, no?
And in May, Staub was sued for $375,000 after ALLEGEDLY backing out of a three-year deal with Scores strip club, which required her to appear nude on the company's website. After news of her return to stripping made the rounds on the press, Staub quit her gig with Scores and gave an interview to People saying she was "addicted to love."
And by love she means fame.


Gretchen Rossi & Slade Smiley, The Real Housewives of Orange County

As a couple, they are double the fun and double the legal actions.
Rossi and Smiley are being sued for fraud, breach of contract, deceit, and conspiracy by a former business associate, makeup artist Ronnan Myers. Myers and Rossi both invested $15,000 in Rossi's makeup company Gretchen Christine Beaute, with a verbal contract that they'd split the profits, with Myers claiming that Smiley put the kibosh on any written contracts.
Her half ALLEGEDLY came to zero.
According to court documents, Rossi and Smiley tried to push Myers out of the company. Myers claims that Rossi took funds out of the joint business account without permission, and accused Rossi of having all profits deposited directly into her PayPal account, which Myers had no access to. Myers is seeking $100,000 in damages.
Then Rossi's ex, Jay Photoglou, sued her for slander and libel after she made public statements that he had stalked her, stolen from her, and threatened her. Photoglou says Rossi lied about the extent of their relationship because she wanted to be on the show and to be depicted as loving caretaker to her dying "fiance" Jeff Beitzel. Rossi was recently ordered to pay $40,000 of Photoglou's attorney fees.
Keep "designing" those handbags Gretchen.


Peggy & Micah Tanous, The Real Housewives of Orange County

Peggy is new to the franchise, but shes already knee-deep in legal woes.
Her home is in foreclosure because she and her "business"man hubby owe some $1.3 million on the home with multiple mortgages. So, they are now suing three different banks—BAC Home Loans Servicing, U.S. Bank National and PNC Mortgage—in an effort to save the McMansion.
On top of that, they also have a judgement against them, do to the fact that they owe money to the IRS.
Maybe Peggy should have skipped that last boob job and paid a bill or two.


Alexis & Jim Bellino, The Real Housewives of Orange County

Jim, AKA the "King" of the BellinoShashi Tejpaul, Gail Duncan, and Abdul Hamid Risdana. The suit states that Bellino, who owns the company Private Money Immediately, lent $2.13 million to the plaintiffs. Now, although Tejpaul and Duncan claim they made payments, Bellino obtained a notice of default and election to sell the property.
Plus there are all sorts of rumors about foreclosures and losing homes and all kinds of shiz.
But that's how the OC folks make their money.
And lose their money. 


Kelly Bensimon, The Real Housewives of New York

Kelly's the crazy one. Her best friends are rainbows and gummy bears and she never met a conflict she didn't want to bury at the beach.
Like this one.
Bensimon is being sued by former Elle Accessories colleague Celeste Greenberg for ALLEGEDLY stealing a jewelry design.
The two had verbally agreed to split the profits but Bensimon sold the design--an owl pendant--for $285 under her own jewelry line.
Now, it's sold out.
And Kelly's been sold out as an ALLEGED thief.

Sonja Morgan, The Real Housewives of New York

Ah, Lady Morgan.
The former restaurant hostess turned society gal by virtue of her marriage to an old, old, rich man, is being sued by a production company for backing out of an agreement to finance a film--which was ALLEGED to star John Travolta and Rosario Dawson--back in 2006.
Morgan says she did it because she had just been served with divorce papers, but an NYC court has ordered her to pay the production company $7 million in damages.
Morgan has since filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
Hopefully the cookbook she's writing, on how to use a toasster oven--seriously--will be a big hit and Sonja crawl out of bankruptcy. 


Bethenny Frankel, formerly of The Real Housewives of New York

She was a Forbes cover girl, when she ALLEGEDLY made the biggest deal of her life for earning a reported $120 million after selling her Skinnygirl cocktail brand to Jim Beam.
Now, Frankel's former management company, Raw Talent, claims Bethenny cut them out of the deal when she fired them just days before inking the deal. And they are suing for suing her for $100 million.
Frankel calls the suit "frivolous."
Must be nice to call $100 million frivolous.
i think she needs a Skinnygirl Margarita.

Cindy Barshop, The Real Housewives of New York

She's the newest housewife, so her list of suits is relatively small, for now.
But Cindy Barshop and her beauty chain Completely Bare spas were hit with a racial discrimination lawsuit after former employee Altovise Collier filed a complaint with the State Division of Human Rights, claiming she was mistreated, verbally abused, and ultimately fired due to the color of her skin.
Barshop denies the charges and insists Collier was fired for "the quality of her work."
Or the quality of her skin?
And I wouldn't doubt an upcoming lawsuit filed by Cindy against her dentist for her veneers that slipped off her canines. That was an episode in itself.

Sheree Whitfield, The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Sheree bragged about getting "seven figures" in her recent divorce though that might have been a misstatement, or an outright lie.
See, two law firms....two.law.firms....who handled her divorce  are suing her because they ALLEGE that she still owes them $180,000 in divorce-related fees.
One of the law firms said Whitfield "ignored and stonewalled any effort to respond to post-judgment discovery about her assets and income," and that she believes she's "above the law."
Soon, she'll be below the poverty level.
By at least seven figures.


Kim Zolciak, The Real Housewives of  Atlanta

She's the enormous boob with enormous boobs who uses those boobs to get men who act as boobs to buy her bigger boobs and baubles.
But, after her single "Tardy for the Party" became an unexpected hit--it reached the Top 10 on the iTunes Dance Chart--Zolciak was forced to temporarily remove the song from iTunes when she was sued by producer Don Vito for nonpayment.
The song has since reappeared on iTunes, leading to speculation that Kim, at least, paid off her debts.
Or that they settled out of court.
Maybe she let the judge cop a feel of her silly cones.


Nene Leakes, The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Nene liked to pretend she was rich.
After the first season of RHoA, it was revealed that Nene rented instead of owned her home and was eventually evicted, owing over $6,000 in back rent.
Her husband Gregg also owed $100,000 in back taxes, and two years ago, the Bank of America filed a lawsuit against the Leakes.
Nene is maybe working extra hard to pay for all those lawsuits and eviction troubles by appearing on every Tv show and reality Tv show imaginable.
She is still, however, a deabeat.


Michaele & Tareq Salahi, The White House Party Crashers of The Real Housewives of D.C.

And here we have the winners of the Reality Show Legal Woes Sweepstakes.
The Salahis are in more legal trouble than any other reality show wannabe and hasbeen.
They've been named in over 20 civil lawsuits, including ones by vendors, former employees, neighbors, at least three couples who held their weddings at their Oasis Winery, and Tareq's own mother.
When the Salahis wed in 2003, at a ceremony that included 1,836 guests, Michaele's dress cost $6,000. After she wore it, Tareq filed federal fraud charges against the bridal shop for attempting to process his credit card. The store eventually was paid, but only after spending $9,000 on legal fees.
In 2007, Michaele was sued for $4,000 by a different stylist for an "urgent" appointment to update her blond hair extensions, for which human hair was ordered and overnighted to the salon. A judge ruled in favor of the stylist, but the money is still unpaid.
Last year, Dr. Navin Singh of Ivy Plastic Surgery in Maryland filed a lawsuit against Michaele for $500 for "unnamed procedures."
Then there's a suit from December 2009, when the Salahis were being sued for nonpayment by their landscaper. The judge on the case ordered Tareq to give the watch off his wrist--ALLEGEDLY worth $325,000--to the plaintiff to cover his debt of $2000.
It turned out that the watch didn't work, and was actually a fake, worth less than $100.

Still wanna be on reality TV?
Make sure your records are expunged or the cases are sealed.
I'll be waiting for my phone call from Andy Cohen!

via Jezebel

Architecture Wednesday

So, it's the second day of summer, and a beach house is in order, right? And, if you're staying at the beach, why not stay in a seashell, after all, when in Rome.......

This house is crazy and curvy, inside and out, because it is made from a combination of concrete and found materials, both inorganic but also natural, like seashells and coral.
Instead of boring corners, each curve flows fluidly into the next to make room for, well, rooms, or, as the architetc-artist-designer-owner, Octavio Campo says, "a series of experiential spaces that mimic the infinitude of the fractals that form them."

And it's pretty.
Campo loves the tension between ‘art’ and ‘design’, with some parts of the house, like the spiked room being purely ornametal, while others, like a second floor balcony in the opening of the shell, being functional.
Staccks of mixed stone form curved fences that mirror the shell house, and the only real straight lines in the entire house are the doors and windows.

via dornob

Seriously. Retire Already

If I were one of those addle-brained, God-fearing men that believe the tornadoes were sent to Joplin, Missouri because of something Obama said about Israel, or that Katrina decimated New Orleans because of The Gays, I might think that the fires sweeping through Arizona have something to do with all those illegal immigrants that are down there taking jobs away from Americans and selling drugs and beheading people in the desert.

But I'm not, though, I think I found someone who is.

Old John "Get offa my porch, dagnabbit" McCain, says the fires in Arizona are being caused by illegals: "There is substantial evidence that some of these fires are caused by people who have crossed our border illegally....They have set fires because they signal others, they have set fires to keep warm, and they have set fires in order to divert law enforcement agents and agencies from them. The answer to that part of the problem is to get a secure border."

McCain uttered his baseless accusation at a press conference held just after he toured the area devastated by the Wallow Fire, which has burned over 500,000 acres to date.

Trouble is, as usual, McCain is apparently speaking out of his ass. He offered no evidence to support his claim, and Tom Berglund, a U.S. Forest Service spokesman, said there is no evidence that undocumented immigrants had caused the Wallow fire: "Absolutely not, at this level. There's no evidence that I'm aware, no evidence that's been public, indicating such a thing.”

Latino groups and anyone with half a brain quickly blasted McCain for his idiotic remarks. Angelo Falcon, the president of the National Institute for Latino Policy, said, "With the lack of evidence, he might as well also blame aliens from outer space for the fires.”

Don't give him any ideas!

On Monday morning, McCain's handlers went into action, trying to cover his half-brained rants by saying that he was referring to blazes in southern Arizona generally, both now and in years past. Brooke Buchanan, Senator McCain's communications director, said, "During the press conference on Saturday, Senator McCain was referring to fires on the Arizona/Mexico border, not the Wallow Fire.”

Except that was giving the press conference at the site of the Wallow Fire, so your explanation, Brooke, is just dumb. Like your Senator.

source

Debbie Has A Garage Sale

You might call her a hoarder, and you might be right.
You might call her a savvy collector, and you'd be right about that, too.
Over the years, actress-singer-comedienne and Carrie Fisher's mom, Debbie Reynolds has been collecting Hollywood memorabilia. For a time it was on display at a casino museum in Las Vegas, but recently Debbie decided to sell some of the stuff.
Mama ain't gettin' any younger, you know.
So, she loaded up a truck and took some of her collectibles off to an auction house, and proceeded to make millions.
Millions. Like this:

Marilyn Monroe's dress from 'The Seven Year Itch' went for $5.658 million



Ruby Slippers from 'The Wizard of Oz'--though not ones worn in the film,
I'm guessing--went for $500,000



Judy Garland's 'Oz' dress went for ten-times it's estimate, and sold for $910,000.

Harpo Marx's hat and wig went for 45K.

Joan Crawford's 'Mildred Pierce' waitress uniform sold for $22,500

Charlie Chaplin's Little Tramp hat fetched $110,000

Marilyn Monroe's 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' gown went for $1.2 million,
proving she's the hottest dead celebrity.

Elizabeth Taylor's 'Cleopatra' headdress nabbed half-a-million dollars.

One of Madonna's Evita gown only garnered $22,500.
I always said she was no Marilyn.

So.......what did you buy?
What would you buy?
Me? I'd buy that Monroe drag, and pair it with the Harpo Marx hat and wig.
It would have been fabulous!
 
via Boy Culture

Poor Mitt.....I Think We Need A Telethon

Failing that, does anyone have a teeny-weeny-itty-bitty-tiny violin to play for the poor man? Why? You ask. Well, it seems that Mitt Romney is unemployed, like so many other Americans and we should feel sorry for him.

Romney, aptly labeled "out of touch" by the Democratic National Committee, for the remarks he made in Florida this week, is now back-pedaling and shifting focus, and playing with smoke and mirrors so we don't look at the man behind the curtain.

See, Mitt was down in Florida, talking to, and ALLEGEDLY listening to, small business owners in that state, when the crowd began telling their tales of how hard it is to find work in this economy. So, um, what did Mitt do? Did he offer up a comprehensive plan on how to get America, and Americans, back to work? Did he propose a new, brilliant strategy for fixing the deficit?

No, Mitt Romney, multi-millionaire presidential candidate, said that maybe he should speak: “I should tell my story, I’m also unemployed.”

The DNC emailed bombed his campaign headquarters, and the Romeny Camp went into spin overdrive, saying the crowd laughed at Shecky, er, Mitt, and that he was just being self-deprecating.

Which is easy to do when you're worth millions.

source

Overheard At Work

Client [obviously not from around here]: How long have you lived in South Carolina?
Me [lying...because I know where this is headed]: My whole life.
Client: Wow, you don't sound like it at all.
Me: That's because I graduated from the fifth grade.


Co-worker: People keep saying I need to lose my accent.
Other Co-worker: People say that to me, too, but I don't know how.
Me: I know how.
Co-worker and Other Co-worker [in unison]: How?
Me [I am a real southern boy, having been born in Mississippi]: Move to California like I did.
Co-worker: When did you move to California?
Me: When I was six-months old. See? no accent!


Co-worker [pulling up her tank top]:  I keep forgetting I have huge breasts.
Me: Really? That would be like me forgetting I have a huge penis.
Co-worker: How?
Me: I keep tripping over it.

Painter Man

Semi-Sweet and Cathedral Stone

It's hot. And sticky. And I hate it when I get all hot and sticky...well, some of the time.
The weekend is over and it seemingly just started. One minute there was a Friday night cocktail, and then it was Monday morning. In the old days that would have been the sign of a really fun weekend, but nowadays it's just a sign of Old Days. But I digress.
I'm on yet another painting binge at Casa Smallville. This time it's the living room. When we moved it, it was painted a very delicate shade of light blue, above a chair rail--do not get me started on chair rails--and then there was some sort of painting technique applied to the wall below the rail. I swear to Ellen, the people who lived here before we bought this house never met a hideous color, or an outdated painting technique, that they didn't slather from stem to stern of the house.
Navy blue sponge-painted kitchen? Yes, we had that.
A flesh colored dining room? Check!

Chair rail and stripes! Ack!

The aforementioned striping below the chair rail--which really just looks like the paint ran, and they called it art. Indeed!
A pineapple wallpaper border in the master bedroom that wasn't actually applied to the wall, but was, instead, stapled, top and bottom, all the way around the room!
Yes, I know you feel my pain.
But, back to the living room. The chair rail was removed, and the walls patched. The crown molding and the baseboards have been sanded and primed, and mostly painted a lovely shade of ivory. Now, comes the time for picking a wall color. And this is where the trouble starts.
Carlos and I never agree on color. I like something a little unusual, a little dramatic. I see the room as a whole; the paint, the art, the furniture. Carlos sees just the color of the wall. And, to be fair, he likes the freaky. He, and I'm biting my tongue here to save you all from a slew of curse words, was thinking of painting the living room lavender.
I know!
La-ven-der.
Oh-em-gee.
Luckily, I was able to persuade him that lavender wasn't really the right color for the room. You know, I said, the furnishings are mostly earth tones, in greens, golds, browns, so lavender would stick out like a sore gay thumb. And it may have been the eloquence of my anti-lavender argument, or it may have been the hammer I kept swinging in my right hand, but the idea of lavender was shelved. Lavender! I mean, we're gay, not queer. I kid. We're queer, too.

The recently painted mantle will soon match all the trim.
Chair rail down, but note the chair rail in the hall!
In The Hall!!!!

I explained that I wanted the neutrality of gray. Gray, with my ivory trim would be lovely, especially when we install carbonized bamboo flooring. But, I also I wanted an accent wall, and I wanted a darker shade of gray there. So we researched grays. Grays with blue. Grays with green. Grays with with brown. Even grays with a hint of purple, that looked, yes, lavender, Those I hid from Carlos.
And we settled on a gray with some blue in it. For about five minutes, and then it was back to the paint store for more samples. And I found it.
Gray. or, as the paint store called it, Cathedral Stone. And the accent wall in Semi-Sweet. it's like a church for chocolate. I bought sample-sized cans and came home and painted splotches on the walls. Carlos, who was working in the yard, came inside, saw the splotches, and promptly made a gurgling, hissing noise and fainted dead away, while muttering, 'Too dark....too dark....too.....'
But I think, on the one wall, covered with our collection of watercolors, the Semi-Sweet is gonna look All-The-Way-Fabulous. I even brought out some of the paintings and held them against the wall.; Gorgeous. I showed him different colors and how they looked against the gray. Wonderful. I even promised that his antique writing desk would look fabulous against a Semi-Sweet wall. But, I also promised to live with it for a few days. 
The first day, I changed my mind, and agreed with Carlos.
Too dark.
Now, I'm not so sure....I could switch the Semi-Sweet for Rugged Suede, which is a shade lighter, and then switch out the Cathedral Stone for something which might be lighter, too. Or, I could go with my gut. or i could go all Rugged Suede Cathedral Stone.
What to do.....what to do.
I hope the room is done before Christmas.
Our tree would look amazing in the Chocolate Church.

Outstanding Guest Comment Of The Week

And yet another week has come to an end, so it's time once again to announce the winner of the coveted...coveted?...ISBL Outstanding Guest Comment Of The Week. And there was a wealth of funny and informative from which to choose.
Let's roll...

In response to my post What Do Lesbian Comics Know About Homophobia?...or more precisely, to the line "Dawn Whitwell is a Canadian comedian. I know, sounds like an oxymoron to me, too, but I digress."

Kevin, from The Lisp...who happens to be Canadian, said:
HEY!

Sorry, Kevin, that was just me being a Gay Comedian. See? No oxymoron there!

Well, no 'oxy' at least...

In response to my post Apparently, It's In The Water!...

FDeF, of the Reluctant Rebel, Dinner's Ready and Benedict Bentley said: 
Found a few email addresses for Hazard, KY and sent this:


To All Whom it May Concern:
As there is no direct email for the mayor of Hazard, KY, I am directing my comments here.
News is out about the reprehensible display of bigotry and hate proffered by an employee of a recreational facility (public pool) run by the city. Not only does the City of Hazard owe an apology to the developmentally challenged citizens who were insulted and asked to leave the pool, but the person who took it upon himself to use the Bible as an excuse for his hatred and morally superior attitude should be fired. His personal beliefs do not give him the right to deny citizens their right to use public facilities without cause. This kind of blatant hatred is totally unacceptable in a pluralistic, civilized society. (Perhaps Hazard does not fall into that category).

I like this because it's said without anger or vitriol, or the use of the word 'fucktard,' which might have appeared several times within the message had I sent it.

Recent winner, and runner-up this week, Froggy, from the aptly named froggy, responded to my post about John Edwards and his mug shot...Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny...with this bon mot:

At least this picture is above the waist.

So there is that for which to be grateful, although it does make me wonder if Johnny has any naughty TwitPics floating around, too.

Last week's winner and this week's first runner-up, Stan, of UnderSTANding STAN, had this to say about The MGB® Movie Poster:
I think it should be called "The Undeflated", since she's nothing more than a pompous air bag!
With the tagline "Oh, the inhumanity!"

Oh, the inhumanity is right!


But this week's top vote-getter, and let's remind you, I'm the only voter, goes to....drum roll please......

The Fabulous Twunty McSlore, of Love Me, Love My Blog, who also commented on The MGB® Movie Poster:
I think it should be a made up word, a la Dubya. How about the 'Un-Beleaguered?' or 'The Un-Mistreaterstood?' Anything will make sense, as long as it's unbelievably stupid. That is how much of a mind fuck her existence is.

The Un-Mistreaterstood!!
Sounds like something Shakespeare might have said, or maybe, the Mama Grizzly Bore, unless she decided to refudiate it.
Congrats Twunty!

And please, keep those comments, funny and enlightening, coming!

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Ricki Lake is talking. A lot. Apparently, she is developing a new, another, talk show, and is telling anyone and everyone, who will listen, about the show, about her love life, about her ongoing weight loss, about the book she's writing about her life story because we all can't get enough of......what's her name again?

Oh, yeah, Ricki Lake.
But, um, yeah, one thing Ricki ain't talking about is how she is being sued by Hovsep Kousayan, the owner of a house in Malibu, that Ricki and her family rented last year, and that burned down last September. It is being ALLEGED that the fire that destroyed the beachfront home was started, accidentally, of course, while Ricki was freebasing.
Wait, that was Richard Pryor.,
No, Ricki ALLEGEDLY started the fire when she spilled oil while refilling a space heater.
In his lawsuit, Kousayan is ALLEGED to have spoken with emergency responders who claim that on the scene, Lake essentially admitted to causing the blaze. In fact, on the 911 tape, a panicked Lake is heard saying to her children, "Mommy made a mistake."
The Sheriff's Department of Los Angeles County investigated the fire at Lake's rental home and concluded that it was an accident. Capt. Larry Robideaux: "Ms. Lake was refueling a portable heater inside her home and accidentally caused the fire...It took crews approximately ten minutes to extinguish the fire....This has been ruled as an accidental fire. Case closed."
Yeah, unless it's your multi-million dollar Malibu home that Ricki Lake ALLEGEDLY torched.
Hopefully her upcoming chat show pays a lot. I'm thinking she's gonna need it.

What do you do when, while you were married,  and making some forgettable Lifetime movie, you started schtupping your co-star, which caused your husband to divorce you, and caused your adulterous boyfriend's wife to divorce him?

Well, if you're LeAnn Rimes, you continue the drama.
It seems that while honeymooning with her new husband, Eddie Cibrian, Rimes Tweeted pictures of herself, though not of the Weiner variety, that also caused a stir.
The pics showed a very thin, some might say emaciated, Rimes in a bikini, and caused all sorts of ruckus about how thin she's become; but hey, people, husband stealing burns a lot of calories!
Adultery? Check!
Rumors of an eating disorder? Check!
Now, it seems, she wants to be the new JLO and is fighting off rumors that a sex tape, made with her former husband, Dean Sheremet, is floating around, which caused Rimes to Tweet:  "I hear there are rumors of a 'sex tape' I have never filmed myself having sex on tape, period. Haven't joined that club LOL! Just wanted to put minds at ease."
Yes, please put minds at ease, because the picture of your crackling thin body having sex, and now breaking in two, is an image I want to erase.
But keep on plugging.
Adultery? Check!
Rumors of an eating disorder? Check!
Sex tape? Check!
Now, we all know that publicity is good, really, but the kind Rimes is getting, for cheating on her husband, or being more than a bit anorexic, and having a sex tape, is not the way to go.
In the words of the Dixie Chicks: LeAnn? Shut up and sing.

This breaks my heart. When two kids can't stay together, I get weepy.
Yes, tis true, dear readers, seven-hundred-eighty-five-year-old Hugh Hefner's twenty-five-year-old fiance, Crystal [and why are so many Playboy models called 'Crystal'?] Harris, has broken off the engagement.

Man, when two kids with so much in common can't make it, well, then, I lose all hope.
Hefner glumly Tweeted: "The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart."
Or, maybe she realized she was marrying a man old enough to be, not her father, no, not her grandfather, no, but her great-grandfather. So, so much in common.
Harris, who is an aspiring singer, and is ALLEGEDLY romantically involved with Dr. Phil's son, said: "After much deep reflection and thought I have decided to end my engagement with Hef. I have the utmost respect for Hef and wish him the best going forward. I hope the media will give each of us the privacy we deserve during this time."
Let me translate: "After about a minute, I realized I couldn't marry a man who is old enough to have seen the turn of two centuries. I'm a hot nude model who can sing and am trying to shop a reality show around town, and I couldn't be bothered with changing He'f's diapers on a daily basis, so I'm Audi."
As for the privacy part, that makes me giggle, because they were going to film the wedding and show it on TV. Yeah, this is sad. I'm heartbroken.

Troubled actor Charlie Sheen is telling anyone and everyone who will listen that he has another TV gig lined up after being fired from CBS' 2.5 Men for being a drug-addled douche.

It seems that sources--and by sources, I mean, porn stars and drug dealers, because this is Sheen we're talking about--close to Sheen have said that the wacktor is in talks for a new TV series that could debut as early as January 2012.
Trouble is, no one is talking about any network, or any deal or any show. And still, Sheen's representatives are saying he is in "deep negotiations" and the deal could be done by the weekend.
The series, ALLEGEDLY a sitcom, will be written specifically around Sheen--which means he'll be playing a drug-addled, bipolar, sex-addicted narcissist--and that there will be no pilot shot. This is definitely a go, because, well, it stars Charlie Sheen.\
Winning.
And while minor details--like what network would hire him....like is he to be paid in cash or cocaine....like who's producing it....like how many porn stars are on the payroll--have not been been revealed, one thing that Sheen has clearly stated is that 'Two and a Half Men' creator and producer Chuck Lorre will not be involved in the new show.
Oh, I thought that was a given.
Good luck in Fantasyville, Charlie.
 
Oprah Winfrey.
What's does the Big O do when her TV show ends and her network, OWN, is really kind of a failure?

Well, she decides to have another talk show, on OWN, so maybe people will watch. And by people, i mean people who don't wanna see Shania Twain get her career back, or see The Judds in therapy, or watch Ryan and Tatum O'Neal bring their dysfuntionality to the small screen.
Yes, the Big O--who just ended her talk show on a network she doesn't OWN--will be back on TV sooner than we thought, when "Oprah's Next Chapter" starts airing.
And who does O want as a guest?
O followed quickly by J.
O says her "dream" is to take on O.J. Simpson and get the ultimate scoop, like having him admit on TV that he murdered two people in cold blood: "I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me. And I am going to make that happen people."
As God is my witness....or...in Oprah-speak...As I am my witness!
O told interviewer Paula Zahn that she has one big condition for sitting down with OJ: "I don't just want the interview. I want the interview on the condition that you are ready, Mr. Simpson."
Don't hold your breath, O. The only confession you'll ever get from OJ is that he likes cakes and pies as much as you.
So, stay busy on OWN, making new shows like "Oprah's Next Chapter" and "'Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes" and "Oprah Presents Master Class" and "Your OWN Show: Oprah's Search for the Next TV Star."
OMG. O and OJ. OMG.
So many O's, so little interest.
 
Some woman with an ass the size of a '67 Dodge Dart, named Coco, who is married to a man named Ice-T, is calling out singer Nicki Mina by saying that Nicki's, um, ample assets are not really real. And not actually surgically enhanced, but more like, fake. Like stuffing.

Ice-T's wife, Coco--seriously, these are their names--revealed to, of all people, Perez Hilton that, as far as she knows, Nicki is rockin' the fake ass because she read that Nicki admitted her butt is bogus: "Well, I read that it wasn't. I thought that she came out with it. I heard it from her."
Then she quickly backtracked. "Okay I don't know... We're not even going to go there anymore. You know what I say about a lot of stylists that work with me... They work with me, they touch my body, they're doing stuff all day long. So they're doing that same thing to Nicki Minaj and they're saying a little bit different."
So, stylists are telling you, while they are touching your ginormous ass and fake breasts that Nicki is stuffing her drawers?
This is a worthwhile conversation?
Especially when Coco has been accused of wearing a doubtful derriere. But then Coco and her husband Sweet T, are the "stars" of a new reality show, and maybe need a little press.
And what a way to get it. Haul out your massive ass, and then say someone else's massive ass is fake.