Bobservations

Not a Carlos story because he’s been extra busy this week, but a story about me, and how I relate, or actually don’t relate, to children, well, babies.

A co-worker has a new baby about nine months old and for some reason she brought him into work the other day, carrying him around and showing him off like a prizewinning pie at a state fair. I don’t goo-goo at babies; and the only reason people trot out these infants is for people to say how beautiful their babies are. I was walking down the hallway when I heard her say:

“That’s Bob. Say Hi to Bob.”

I pretended not to hear. I mean, the kid can barely form a fist and cannot form a word, and she thinks he can say ‘Hi.’ I kept walking. I stopped in to speak with another co-worker, Dillon, and was telling him that this woman had brought The Baby into work. He also doesn’t know what to say when people show you their infant children, and we were laughing about seeing the baby and simply saying:

“Hello.”

Sand then suddenly The Baby is in the office with mama and she says:

“Oh, here’s Dillon and Bob. Say ‘Hey!’”

I turned and before I could even get out my droll, ‘Hello,’ Dillion walks up, fist bumps the baby and says:

“How ya doin’, little dude? I love your sweater. And that’s a cool haircut.”

From under the bus I said:

“Hello.”

Note to the world: unless I’m related to the child I am really not interested in seeing The Baby.

I mean, come on people, he’s a cat and he can see the hypocrisy written all over Joe Manchin’s entitled face.

In an excerpt from the soon-to-be-released Betrayal by ABC News’s Jonathan Karl writes that Thing 45 was “intrigued” by a theory presented to him by Justice Department official Jeffrey Clark, whom Thing 45 wanted to install as acting attorney general:.

“[Clark] believed that wireless thermostats made in China for Google by a company called Nest Labs might have been used to manipulate voting machines in Georgia.”

Thermostats. Really.

Joel Osteen’s Houston megachurch, Lakewood Church, has repaid the government $4.4 million in pandemic loans after going viral for the outrageous handout.

Osteen, worth $50 million, took $4.4 million in taxpayer-funded Paycheck Protection Program loans at the height of the COVID pandemic last year. Osteen owns a $300,000 Ferrari and a $10.5 million mansion, and travels on his own luxury jet, but appears on TV and in the pulpit urging people to not “focus on what [they] have or don’t have.”

Osteen is the same man of “god” who was forced to open his church to victims of Hurricane Harvey after an uprising on social media. The “god”-fearing Osteen didn’t want dirty homeless people in his church.

He, of course, can fuck all the way off.

This week Tesla CEO Elon Musk confirmed that he is moving his company from California to Texas because California Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez Tweeted this to him:

“F—k Elon Musk.”

All the money in the world cannot buy Elon Mush granny panties that don’t get twisted.

Imagine being Michael Elizabeth Pence and being so delusional that you refer to a day when your rabid followers chanted that they wanted to hang you by your neck until you were dead as “One day in January.”

Delusional and traitorous. And stupid.

From Funny and Stupid we have the story of a woman, identified only as M.O., who is suing GEICO for $1 million for catching HPV while fucking in a car that was insured by them. M.O. and a man identified as M.B. were apparently raw-dogging it in M.B.’s 2014 Hyundai Genesis in late 2017 and M.O. contracted anogenital human papillomavirus and decided to sue GEICO got her $1 million lawsuit.

Welcome to America where you can sue a car insurance company for contracting an STD while fucking in a car.

This week in Would You Hit It we have Diego Miguel, a forty-one-year-old Brazilian underwear and fashion model. So I ask you again, Would You Hit It?