The Funny Papers

Steve Breen, Bill Day, Drew Sheneman, Lalo Alcaraz, Matt Wuerker, Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, RJ Matson, Dave Whamond, Michael de Adder, Bill Bramhall, Ann Telnaes, Jack Ohman, Tim Campbell

Snarky Thoughts

50 Cent has stopped dogging Madonna for a moment, because his new target is a medical spa surgeon with whom he took a photograph that is now being used to advertise :::ahem:::: male enhancement procedures. The insinuation is that 50 Cent is maybe more like a Quarter and had a little work done, you know, down there. He insists :::foot stomp::: that he wasn’t a client but was just taking a picture with a fan, but the spa says that 50 received an undisclosed service and took the picture for promotional purposes in lieu of payment.

My Thought: 50 Cent couldn’t afford a Big Dick Surgery? I always thought he was a Big Dick.

photo

Last week Adam Levine, Maroon 5 squawker, and his wife Behati Prinsloo announced they were expecting their third child. But that news was overshadowed after Instagram model Sumner Stroh claims she had a year-long affair with Levine and then months after their affair ended Levine ALLEGEDLY DMed Sumner in June to ask that, if he and his wife had a boy, would she mind if he named the baby after her. Adam posted a denial/non-apology to his Instagram Story. He writes that he used “poor judgment” in flirting with Sumner but claims he never “crossed the line” with Sumner but he was “stupid” and “naïve.”

My Thought: Adam Levine is a mega-douche, who make not have crossed a line but I’m betting his penis did.

photo

As Tom Brady continues his never-ending quest to become the best quarterback the world has ever known his wife Gisele Bündchen has grown tired of waiting for him to come home to his family, and might be ready to retire as his Number One Fan and, according to sources, the two are seriously close to d-i-v-o-r-c-e.

My Thought: Tom probably doesn’t care because divorce doesn’t come with a ginormous ring and a trophy.

photo

Khloé Kardashian’s surrogate just gave birth to her second child with serial sperminator Tristan Thompson who also just had another baby with Maralee Nichols. And Khloé wants y’all to know that she would never “have a baby with someone who is having a baby with somebody else.” Except she did … she had her first child with Tristan whom she began dating at the same time he dumped one baby mama, and he then knocked Khloé up, and now he’s had a second child with Khloé and one with a new Baby Mama.

My Thought: There will be a Very Special Episode of Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes where Khloe explains how she had a baby with a man who was having a baby with another women … TWICE. She’s quite the example for her kids.

photo

And, to end on a happier note, it’s hard to believe it’s been ten years since we first saw The Hammaconda in Jon Hamm’s pants, but here we are, though now … NOW? … Hamm seems to want to dispel the myth yet again. While it has always been assumed that Jon likes to let it dangle, considering we’ve seen photographic proof of it, now Hamm is saying it ain’t so, that he has never gone out without underwear.

My Thought: If you can see that thing while he’s wearing underwear imagine what it’s like when it’s allowed to roam free!

photo 1  photo 2   photo 3  photo 4   photo 5

I Didn't Say It

James Lankford, Oklahoma GOP Senator, spouting nonsense:

“And… that’s not some radical principle, just for people to be faithful and for God to bless them. I mean, it’s just the most basic principle of all. As funny as it sounds, we’ve experienced a big drought in Oklahoma. The week after—the week after—we passed this law to be able to protect the lives of children, we had the most overwhelming rainstorm that came across the state, and it was such an interesting conversation among people in the church, like, “Did that just happen? Did that just occur?”

I guess Lankford thinks 'God' sent the rains to thank Oklahoma for banning abortion, but then why flood the state and leave so many homeless? What was 'God' saying there?

photo

Adam Kinzinger, Illinois GOP Congressman, on what the GOP might do if they take the House in November and are led by the ‘crazies’:

“Back before we had all the crazies here—just some crazies—you know, every vote we took, we had to somehow defund ObamaCare. You’ll remember, right when we took over it was we need to do the omnibus bill, but we’re not going to vote for it because it doesn’t defund ObamaCare. That’s going to look like child’s play in terms of what Marjorie Taylor Greene is going to demand of Kevin McCarthy. They’re going to demand an impeachment vote on President Biden every week.”

And imagine a Congress getting absolutely nothing done because they want to impeach the president as payback because they supported a racist rapist traitor for the last six-plus years.

photo

Herschel Walker, GOP candidate for Senator from Georgia, speaking the truth for a change:

“I’m a country boy. I’m not that smart. [Warnock]’s a preacher. He is smart and wears these nice suits. So, he is going to show up and embarrass me at the debate Oct. 14th and I’m just waiting to show up and I will do my best. He has made every excuse not to show up. I begged him until I chased him down and then he decided he was going to show up Oct. 14. I didn’t agree to do his debate because it wasn’t fair. A fair debate is doing it in front of the voters, and I’ve agreed.”

I literally, again, have no idea what he’s trying to say, but then he warned me that he’s dumb.

photo

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Los Angeles Lakers legend, on Anthony Edwards, Minnesota Timberwolves guard, anti-LGBTQ+ comments:

“Another athlete, another anti-gay slur. Last year, Kevin Durant was fined $50,000 fine for using “offensive and derogatory language on social media” after texting messages that included threatening language and anti-gay and misogynistic slurs. He also apologized. It would be easy to dismiss Edwards’ immaturity—he’s only 21—if not for the fact that we’ve seen so many cases of famous athletes and owners in the news spouting racism, misogyny, and anti-LGBTQ+ sentiments. This damages sports in general and their teams specifically, and revives the old stereotype of the dumb, bullying jock. But more important, it perpetuates prejudice against a group and that prejudice often leads to restricting rights and to violence. I don’t think an apology—however heartfelt—is enough. Edwards needs to repair the damage with some voluntary community service with LGBTQ+ organizations, particularly youth groups, to show his support. If he can’t do that much to undo the harm he’s caused, then his apology is meaningless.”

Edwards apologized for homophobic comments he made during an Instagram story, which had been posted over the weekend, where he used homophobic slurs to describe a group of shirtless men.

And Abdul-Jabbar is right because the apology, without any effort to show change, to prove Edwards has changed, is just more words that he may not mean either.

photo

Bobservations

This morning over breakfast Carlos and I were having a casual conversation when it hit me that I had no Tales of Carlos for today. I told him he needed to do or say something silly so I could have a post.

“Oh, so I am just a trained monkey for your amusement now?”

“Not at all, sweetie pie. You’re a trained monkey for the amusement of the people who read my blog.”

And … that’s the post.

I don’t usually horde, but when I do I horde it’s champagne for an Orange Mushroom Dick in an Orange Jumpsuit … and Ivanka doing porn from the women’s prison … and Junior and The Dumb One sharing a cell.

Rogelio Vega, a Queens, New York church deacon was arrested in an undercover sting operation and gas pleaded guilty of trying to lure three teenage boys into meeting him for sex acts.

But again, it’s the drag queens who are grooming children.

I think if Ron DeSantis wants to play Publicity Stunt by trafficking human beings from Texas to Florida and then to Martha’s Vineyard, we ought to start bussing banned books to the Sunshine State.

Marco Rubio has attacked his opponent, Val Demings, for her voting record in the House, saying she votes “100%” with Speaker Pelosi … like when she voted for the Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security Act, the CARES Act.

What Little Marco—not the brightest tool in the foam party—failed to mention is that he also voted to pass that legislation and was one of the six co-sponsors on the measure.

Little Marco is a Dumb Little Hypocrite.

I’ve come to realize that football is like art; I may not know much about it, but I know what I like.

Russian airlines have stopped selling tickets to Russian men aged 18 to 65 unless they can provide evidence of approval to travel from the Ministry of Defense because Putin is scrambling to rebuild his army by force.

That’s all; he’s on the way down and grasping at anything he thinks is a life preserver.

Of note, when Brett Favre, a white former football player, secured $5 million in welfare funding from the state of Mississippi, with former governor Phil Bryant’s help, to build a volleyball stadium at his daughter’s school it gets little to no coverage from the media.

But when Colin Kaepernick, a Black player ,takes a knee in the name of equality and justice and police killing of People of Color, it makes all the newspapers and he loses his job?

Sounds about white.

Consuelo Update: apparently the Little Princess had a fever of “unknown origin” and all her tests came back with good results. I think this means she had a cold and took to her bed, AKA under the guest room bed, until she was feeling better. And she is, though the downside for her is that the vet called her fat, and so now she’s on a diet and is none too happy about that.

I have often said Tuxedo is one smart cat, and he is, as well as being quite sly. He saw that Consuelo was getting special treatment, eating in the guestroom, sleeping in the guest bathroom and getting a special treat—used to give her an anti-biotic—as well as lots of Dad Love, and so one morning Tuxedo decided he would sleep under our bed, and sleep in our bathroom because clearly that gets you something  special.

And it did ... cuz he's The Great Tuxedo™.

Aldis Hodge. Yes please. I believe he’s been here before but he’s back on TV in another season of City on a Hill and as dreamy as ever. Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Ledge House

The owners of the Ledge House wanted a home that would resonate with the history of the Connecticut Valley, be environmentally friendly, and be able to exist on a large rock ledge. In addition, there was already a cabin on the site and the owner’s reused that building’s footprint—saving money and reducing construction waste—and creating a new home inspired by indigenous barns of the area as well as the nearby, historic West Cornwall Covered Bridge.

The living room, dining room and kitchen form the nucleus of a large breezeway through the house that was positioned to take advantage of the views to the valley, the uphill cross-ventilating breezes, and an existing boulder that becomes a rugged companion to the house in a kind of Zen garden.

The exterior of the house is clad in Shou Sugi Ban siding—the Japanese art of burning wood that creates a rot- and bug-resistant finish—but the interiors light, white and airy. To one side of the Great Room is the primary bedroom suite with an expansive spa-like bathroom, while on the opposite side of the home are two guest rooms and an additional full bath.

But best of all is the terrace and decking that overlook Cornwall, Connecticut, the Housatonic River and the surrounding valleys. In warmer weather it’s the perfect spot to live and dine outside on the stepped terrace, which runs the length of the house.

I love that it’s black—I’m a hug fan of Shou Sugi Ban—and I loved the all-white, serene interior’s, and the walls of glass that face down the valley and up the hillside.

It just says peaceful to me.

As always click to emBIGGERate ...

Dwell