Jerry, Becki and the Pool Boy

What a week for poor hate-filled, homophobic, holier-than-thou, _____-loving Jerry Falwell Jr, huh? I mean, first he takes a leave of absence from Liberty University after photos and videos show him partying on a luxury yacht with men and women in various states of undress, and now this …

The wife is schtupping the pool boy! A story that’s been floating around for over a year now that both Mister and Missus Falwell have foot-stomped, whined about, and lied about.

But, honey, it’s true. But Jerry’s taking the high road by throwing his wife under the bus and claiming that his recent ‘bad boy’ behavior is because he’s been depressed since learning that Becki—with the bad hair—has been riding Giancarlo Granda’s, um, pool skimmer.

Oh, and Jerry’s also vexed because Granda ALLEGEDLY tried to extort them by telling the truth, which is … Granda was, in fact, fucking Missus Falwell, many, many times over the course of some seven ears and Jerry was either in the room, or watching on closed-circuit TV from another room, sitting in his Speedos and stroking his Mini-Me while watching another many fuck his wife, and maybe joined in. Odd behavior for a man who condemns adulterers who aren’t _____ and condemns homosexuality.

Faux-Christian-hypocrite, say what? And it gets uglier—I may need a Silkwood scrub-down after this—because Jerry Falwell might receive a $10 million payout for leaving Liberty University, which means that if your wife gets diddled by the pool boy, and you sit and watch, and perhaps there are other many diddling the missus, you get ten million. Funny, though, that is you are a student of Liberty University and you break their Morality Cde you are instantly expelled, but if you’re the president and like to watch your wife getting her pool drain cleaned, you get to leave with a sack filled with cash.

And you can buy a lot of pool boys for that many coins.

And lastly, the lovely Becki, who has been boned by the pool boy many times each year for over seven years—and I’m sure there are others—is coming out to tell her side … calling the relationship embarrassing and humbling and saying:

“I wish Christians, and people, would be as forgiving as Christ was.”

I wish people wouldn’t profess to being devout followers of Christ when they’re fucking the pool boy, allowing their husband to watch, and then crying about their shame when they get caught.

You fucked the pool boy, Becki. You knew what you were doing; your husband knew what you were doing. And now he's collecting ten million bucks; the pimp always gets paid, while the prostitue gets bupkis.

So, fuck off with the faux-Christian bull shiz.

Tuesday Thought #3

Tuesday Thought #2

Tuesday Thought #1

ISBL Asshat of the Week: Kenneth Gaughan

That’s Kenneth Gaughan up there; he’s kinda cute, right? And he’s gay. He’s also this week’s Asshat of the Week because he has proven that gay people are just like straight people—other than who we choose to love; we can be nice, we can be lying thieving pigs.

Kenneth Gaughan is the latter.

Gaughan is a former assistant superintendent and contracting liaison for the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington DC, and has been charged with fraudulently obtaining more than $2.1 million in funds for personal use from two federal COVID-19 relief programs. He obtained the money by submitting loan applications for more than a dozen non-existent companies through the U.S. Small Business Administration’s Paycheck Protection Program and the federal Economic Injury Disaster Loans program.

And did he start a small business? Save a small business? Invest in a small business? No, Kenneth Gaughan used the stolen pandemic funds to buy himself a $300,000 yacht, a $1.13 million townhouse in D.C., and a $46,000 luxury sports car.

In addition, because grifters gonna grift, in September 2018, Gaughan was also arrested and charged in a separate embezzlement scheme alleging that he stole nearly half-a-million dollars from the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. from 2010 to 2018.He was indicted on those charges, but a US District Court judge dismissed them in December 2019 on grounds that the prosecution was incorrectly carried out in Maryland rather than D.C.

And a few months later he was stealing from programs to help out people affected by the pandemic.

There’s a special place in Hell for people like Kenneth Gaughan, and there are special places in prison for him, too; perhaps bent over a workout bench in the yard while his new boyfriend, Bubba from Cell Block D, shows him the, um , ropes.

Kenneth Gaughan. ISBL Asshat if the Week.

Washington Blade

Cartier Straight-Washes Ad Campaign

Cartier is being accused of straight-washing a Chinese ad.

In a new campaign for its classic Trinity ring you see several of people, like a man and woman dancing on a rooftop, two women holding hands, and two men bicycling and embracing one another. The advertisement ends with a question: "How far would you go for love?"

The ad clearly shows a straight couple, a lesbian couple and a gay couple, but shoppers at Tmall—China's premiere digital shopping marketplace—say that the same-sex couples in the video are also featured as still-image ads … with captions claiming their relationships are strictly platonic. 

Under the image of two women it says:

"Mutual understanding beyond words. Witness our everlasting friendship."

Under the two men it reads:

"Father and son are also friends—happily sharing life's journey."

When users pointed out that the two men seemed quite close in age, the text was altered:

"Father and son are like brothers."

Wait, so women who are “just friends” buy matching rings? And fathers and sons buy matching bands, too. C’mon Cartier. The Trinity band, designed in 1924, is actually three bands that symbolize different aspects of a relationship, but is often used as a wedding ring and almost always associated with lovers.

In a statement responding to the confusion, Cartier stood by the gifting of the ring, which can retail over $3,000, for friendship and "family love."

Nice try. We know that same-sex relationships in China are not illegal but remain culturally taboo, and censorship of LGBTQ-inclusive media, such as the queer kiss scenes in Bohemian Rhapsody, is common, but then maybe don’t air your clearly meant to be gay men and women ads in China. Shell out some extra coins for a new, straights only campaign.

Don’t erase gay people. It’s demeaning, degrading and just plain wrong.

The Advocate

The Funny Papers

Michael de Adder, Bruce MacKinnon, Rick McKee, Drew Sheneman, Jack Ohman, Nick Anderson, Steve Breen, Mike Smith, RJ Matson, John Cole, Steve Benson, Bill Day, Clay Bennett

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gosh I love dirt … and now a celebrity stylist by the name of Tamaran is giving me life, and possibly ruining her career, by dishing on who is the absolutely worst when it comes to diva behavior.

Tamaran, who worked as an assistant to several stylists from 2008 to 2017, unloaded about her former clients, like JLo:

“I knew this one for years. There’s a reason why she can’t hold down a costumer or a seamstress. In order to talk to J Lo you can’t look at her. In order to talk to her you have to talk to God.”

And Katherine Heigl: 

“If 2020 was a career, it would be Katherine Heigl. Friends of mine who have worked on set with her and photoshoots have told me that she is extremely difficult and always mad.”

On Jessica Alba: 

“If 2020 was an attitude it would be Jessica Alba…she’s not nice. She loves to rub hummus on her dress, play mind games with you, [and] she does this thing where she talks to you while not talking to you.

On Alexis Knapp: 

“There’s some celebrities who pay, some who take forever to pay, and some who just don’t pay because they think their name is enough … that was Alexis Knapp. [Her 2015 MTV Movie awards look] was one of the most difficult looks to put together. Whilst being fitted in this dress, Alexis decided it would be wonderful to eat a slice of chocolate ice cream cake. Part of the cake melted onto the dress, and guess who had to clean it? Oh, but it gets better … a designer lent Alexis $1,300 worth of jewelry … and let’s just say that she couldn’t ‘find it’. When my boss asked for payment, Alexis responded with, ‘I needed to pay you?’”

Tamaran wasn’t all negative; she said nice things about actor Jacob Elordi, George Clooney and Ariel Winter, and says Carrie Underwood is “the sweetest person on the planet” and Selena Gomez is, “one of the most professional human beings in the industry.” 

Now, I get JLo because she was almost nominated for an Oscar for playing herself in a movie so she has an ego as big as her ass; and I get Heigl because she thinks she’s a major star but she’s really a TV hack-tress looking for work, but that Alexis Knapp?

Who is she? JLo Jr.?

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Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello first became a thing last July and while many thought it was just a stunt that created in a PR firm basement to promote their single and take the heat off the rumors that Shawn is a big old homo, they proved everyone wrong by fulfilling their long-term relationship contract.

And now they are, ahem, “on a break.”

Sources say 22-year-old Shawn and 23-year-old Camila are taking some time apart to focus on their respective music careers even though it was their music careers that brought them together in the first place.

Huh? What? Rumor has it that, after quarantining in in Camila’s Miami home, the two would head back to Shawn’s place in LA, until Camila said, “Uh, naaaa.” But maybe their love will return because their respective representatives say, as a way of proof, that neither has erased the other from their social media accounts.

True love, or just the idea that relationships created for social media never really die …they just face away.

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A funny, makes perfect sense, totally insane, Tom Cruise story about running.

Cruise spends a lot of time in his films running, and now actress Annabelle Wallis, who co-starred with Tom in 2017’s reboot-bomb of The Mummy, is following in the footsteps of Thandie Newton and Rob Lowe and spilling the tea on Cruise Crazy by revealing that no one … no one … is allowed to run in the same shot as Tom Cruise until she let him watch her run. Wallis explains:

“I got to run on-screen with him, but he told me no at first. He said, ‘Nobody runs on-screen [with me],’ and I said, ‘But I’m a really good runner.’ So, I would time my treadmill so that he’d walk in and see me run. And then he added all these running scenes. So, that was it. It was, like, better than an Oscar. I was so happy! I was so happy that I got to run on-screen with Tom Cruise.”

Perhaps it’s because Tom equates women running from him than with him.

Amirite Katie? Amirite Nicole?

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He says he didn’t go under the knife!

Bitch.Please! On the left is a still photo of 51-year-old Todd Chrisley, the not-the-least-bit-gay daddy on reality hot mess, Chrisley Knows Best from last March, while on the right is a picture that Todd Chrisley posted on Instagram a few days ago.

Looks like his Throw-Back-Thursday went back about 30 years. But Todd Chrisley swears, and stomps his feet and hisses, and swears again that his new look is not the work of Melanie and Ivanka’s doctor, but that it’s just a little Botox and … wait for it, it’s the height of delusional …the work of God.

Again … Bitch.Please!

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Juicy … it looks as if Lori “Big House Aunt Becky” Loughlin and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, also dragged their “social media” star daughter, Olivia Jade, into their college scam scheme.

While Lori and Mossimo finally pleaded guilty to their role in the College Admissions Scandal, by admitting to paying $500,00 to scam artist Rick Singer, to get their daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose, into USC by faking some rowing credentials, the prosecutors just  released a memo to the judge in which they explain Lori and Mossimo told Olivia to keep a low-profile around her suspicious high school counselor. It doesn’t help that those pictures of Olivia on the rowing machine, which I’m sure she thought was some kind of Pilates apparatus, are more evidence that she was probably in on it.

According to the prosecution, Olivia asked her parents if she should tell her high school guidance counselor that USC was her first pick of universities, and Lori and Mossimo ALLEGEDLY told her to keep it on the down low. Lori said:

“Yes… But it might be a flag for the weasel to meddle. Don’t say too much to that man.”

Mossimo then called the counselor a “nosey bastard.” 

These new revelations could hurt the deal Lori and Mossimo made. As part of Mossimo’s plea deal, he’ll serve five months in prison, pay a $250,000 fine, and do 250 hours of community service. Lori will do two months in prison, 100 hours of community service, and a $150,000 fine. They both will, have two years of probation after they get out of the Fuller Big House but …

The judge could take this new information in hand and change their sentences and fines and probation, and maybe even send Olivia to jail, too.

Sorry, not sorry. I’d like to see this whole entitled, self-involved cheating lying scheming scamming family in adjoining cells.

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I Didn't Say It ...Women Speaking Truth To Power

Hillary Clinton, speaking at the DNC, urging Democrats to vote:

“I know something about the slings and arrows [Kamala will] face. And believe me, this former district attorney and attorney general can handle them all. For four years, people have said to me, ‘I didn’t realize how dangerous he was.’ ‘I wish I could go back and do it over.’ Or worse, ‘I should have voted.’ Well, this can’t be another woulda coulda shoulda election. Don’t forget: Joe and Kamala can win by 3 million votes and still lose. Take it from me. We need numbers overwhelming, so _____ can’t sneak or steal his way to victory.”

I don’t care if the day of the election polls say Biden has a 95% chance of winning, I will cast a goddamned vote.

I want no doubt left in the traitor’s mind that America is through with him.

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Gabby Giffords, former Congresswoman who was a victim of an assassination attempt in 2011, speaking at the DNC about her recovery:

“I've known the darkest of days. Days of pain and uncertain recovery. But confronted by despair, I've summoned hope. Confronted by paralysis and aphasia, I responded with grit and determination. I put one foot in front of the other. I've found one word and then I've found another. But I have not lost my voice,. America needs all of us to speak out even when you have to fight to find the words."

The word is Vote. Vote Blue. Vote Biden-Harris.

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Michelle Obama, at the DNC:

“Let me be as honest and clear as I possibly can. Donald _____ is the wrong president for our country. He has had more than enough time to prove he can do the job, but he is clearly in over his head. He simply cannot be who we need him to be. It is what it is.”

He’s asking us to vote for him because he, claims, he fixed the economy once and can do it again. But the numbers of unemployed, the numbers of those evicted, the numbers of businesses closing, are ALL directly related to his bumbling pandemic response.

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Kamala Harris, accepting the Democratic Party's historic nomination of her the first Black and first Indian American woman to be nominated as vice president by a major party:

"We have a chance to change the course of history. We're all in this fight... What an awesome responsibility. What an awesome privilege. We’re at an inflection point. The constant chaos leaves (us) adrift. The incompetence makes us feel afraid. The callousness makes us feel alone. It’s a lot. Here’s the thing. We can do better and deserve so much more. We must elect a president who will bring something different, something better, and do the important work. A president who will bring all of us together—Black, white, Latino, Asian, indigenous—to achieve the future we collectively want. Let’s be clear—there is no vaccine for racism. We’ve gotta do the work. We must elect Joe Biden."

But you can ease the racism, by removing the Racist-In-Chief.

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Nancy Pelosi, House Speaker, at the DNC:

“As Speaker of the House, it is my honor to bring you the greetings of the Democrats of the House—the most diverse majority in history: more than 60 percent women, people of color, and LGBTQ. This month, as America marks the centennial of women finally winning the right to vote, we do so with 105 women in the House of Representatives. Proudly, 90 are Democrats. To win the vote, for three quarters of a century, women marched and fought and never gave in. We stand on their shoulders—charged with carrying forward the unfinished work of our nation advanced by heroes from Seneca Falls, to Selma, to Stonewall. … As Speaker, I've seen firsthand Donald _____'s disrespect for facts, for working families, and for women in particular—disrespect written into his policies toward our health and our rights, not just his conduct. But we know what he doesn't: that when women succeed, America succeeds. And so, we are unleashing the full power of women to take their rightful place in every part of our national life. [But] who is standing in the way? Mitch McConnell and Donald _____. So here is our answer: we will see them in November. We will elect President Biden—whose heart is full of love for America—and rid the country of _____'s heartless disregard for America's goodness.”

You may not like Biden’s stance on certain issues, you may not agree with him, but you must acknowledge that he will not demonize people, demean people, name-call people. It’s time for decency in the White House again.

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Kristin Urquiza, speaking at the DNC about her father, who died in June of COVID-19, and blaming _____for his death:

“He had faith in Donald _____. He voted for him, listened to him, believed him and his mouthpieces when they said that coronavirus was under control and going to disappear, that it was okay to end social distancing roles before it was safe. A few weeks later, he was put on a ventilator. And after five agonizing days, he died alone in the ICU, with a nurse holding his hand. My dad was a healthy 65-year-old. His only preexisting condition was trusting Donald _____, and for that he paid with his life. The coronavirus has made clear that there are two Americas: the America that Donald ­­­­_____ lives in and the America that my father died in. One of the last things that my father said to me was that he felt betrayed by the likes of Donald _____. And so, when I cast my vote for Joe Biden. I will do it for my dad.”

So sad that her dad listened to bumbling ineptitude, but he did, and so the fault lies, yes, with the father, but also _____ and his ilk who spread lies and misinformation about the virus, about reopening, about masks.

Donald _____ killed all those people.

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Jill Biden, our next First Lady, giving a personal and emotional speech at the DNC, recalling the personal losses that her husband experienced in 1972, when his wife and daughter were killed in a car crash, and in 2015, when their son Beau died of brain cancer:

"How do you make a broken family whole? The same way you make a nation whole," she said. "With love and understanding—and with small acts of kindness. With bravery. With unwavering faith. You show up for each other, in big ways and small ones, again and again. It's what so many of you are doing right now for your loved ones, for complete strangers, for your communities. There are those that want to tell us that our country is hopelessly divided, that our differences are irreconcilable. But that's not what I've seen over these past few months. The burdens we carried are heavy. And we need someone with strong shoulders. I know that if we entrust this nation to Joe, he will do for your family what he did for ours: Bring us together and make us whole. Carry us forward in our time of need. Keep the promise of America for all of us."

I am so tired of a president who treats people the way he does, who lies the instant his lips part, who despises women who speak up, who has erased the LGBTQ+ community from the White House, who put kids in cages, called Mexicans murderers and Muslims terrorists.

It’s time to end this nightmare and I hope, the day after the election, every single effing newspaper in this country bears the headline:

America to Donald _____: You’re fired!

Let’s do this.

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Bobservations

Another tale of Carlos and his hearing, and his refusal to wear his ‘ears’: I heard him ranting in the living room about the MyPillow jackass who’s come up with a new ‘cure’ for VCOVID-19, and he runs into the laundry room to vent. I listen, and then I say:

“It’s made from the oleander plant , which is a toxic plant.”

Cut to ten minutes later and I’m in the office and Carlos comes back:

“That extract they keep talking about is made from the oleander plant , which is a toxic plant.”

It took all my strength not to reach for my cartoon frying pan and thump his melon.

Once again, as it should be, I am totally with Tuxedo on this one. Neither one of us really like people very much …

Jared Kushner is a birther because that makes Daddy-in-Law happy. When asked if he accepts that Kamala Harris is a qualified candidate, Kushner said:

“I personally have no reason to believe she’s not.”

But after CBS This Morning co-host Anthony Mason pointed out that Harris was born in Oakland and that makes her a qualified candidate, Kushner spun:

“[_____] just said that he had no idea whether that’s right or wrong. I don’t see that as promoting it. But look, at the end of the day, it’s something that’s out there.”

It’s out there because you, your racist Daddy-in-Law, and the entire GOP put it out there.

Like, I question if you’re even a real person or some kind of self-loathing queer goose-stepping blow-up doll who spends his days carrying water for his complicit wife and bigot father-in-law.

It’s just out there.

Back to Mike Lindell, the MyPillow lunatic, and Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson who met with _____ to push the use of oleandrin, that extract from the oleander plant as a cure” for COVID-19, despite lack of proof that it works.

Hydroxychloroquine, say what?

But best of all is that Lindell and Carson have a financial stake in the company that develops the product. Swamp Things.

More Carlos … when he practices his trumpet Consuelo sits outside the closed door and waits, because after practice Carlos always gives the cats their treats. And so she would run into the kitchen—Consuelo only runs for food—and wait impatiently for Carlos.

The other night, though, she stopped short and Carlos stepped on her. She howled at him. He howled at her. And she took off. I finally found her in the master bathroom, tucked into a corner. She was upset because her other Daddy yelled at her.

It’s been seven days and she is still mad. Every night Carlos calls the cats for treats and Consuelo goes to the back part of the bathroom and sits in the corner.

Bitch can hold a grudge!

The Democratic AND Republican chairmen of the Senate Intelligence Committee notified federal prosecutors last year of their suspicion that several individuals, including _____’s family members and confidants—Donald _____ Jr. and Jared Kushner—might have lied in the panel’s investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election.

Huh. Shocking.

It looks like the RNC will stand for Racists Nutjobs Convention this year because two prominent features of the convention will be Mark and Patricia McCloskey aka  Ken and Karen, the St. Louis couple who brandished guns as Black Lives Matter protesters marched through their neighborhood.

And then they throw in pipsqueak white supremacist in training, Nick Sandmann, aka the Covington Catholic school kid who was part of a larger group of MAGAt-gear wearing children who swarmed Native American activists in Washington, DC in January 2019.

That’s the kinds of people the GOP wants you to hear ... racists, toddlers, gun nuts, and Scott Baio.

Last May David Lynn Richards Jr., a  former pastor was convicted of repeatedly raping his adopted teenage daughter over a four year span, was sentenced to just twelve years because a Knox County judge called him a “good Christian” who had a lot of friends supporting him … and who never seemed bothered as to why the “good” pastor’s semen was found in his daughter’s bed.

White "Christian" male privilege.

Melanie will give a speech at the RNC, though we don’t know if she’ll give Michelle’s speech or Jill’s. But what we do know, because even the _____ Administration and the RNC say so, is that after she speaks she’ll do very little to nothing to help her husband’s campaign.

So, either it’s time to visit Plastic Surgeon for an upgrade ... yes, that's Melanie in both pictures ... or even Missus _____ won’t speak to reelect her husband.

I like a good horror movie, but they’re scarce these days because horror movies have been dumbed down over the years. Still, I watched a little something called Countdown, about an app for your fun that tells you how long you have to live … and it means it.

It was silly, well, dumb, and I was thisclose to turning it off when one Jordan Calloway appeared onscreen and suddenly I was, um, interested. I’d never heard of him, but he was cute, with a rockin’ body in a tight t-shirt. And then, because he was a person of color, he was :::SPOILER ALERT:::: killed.

But he lives on in my dreams … where we wrestle.