Why Is It ...

… that people don’t understand I do not have Resting Bitch Face. My Bitch Face is always on duty, ever vigilant, and will rest when its work is done.

… that some people like to make an entrance while prefer an  escape.

… that, for me, if tequila was water, and I was a duck, I would swim underwater and never come up. But tequila isn’t water and I am not a duck, so hand me the bottle and shut the fuck up.

… that no one realizes that everyone is a little crazy, but it’s just that some of us aren’t afraid to whip it out. Throw it on a leash and then take it out for a walk in public.

… that this morning, when I checked my laugh lines in the mirror, my only thought was, “What the fuck was so funny?”

... that no one sees the side effects of interacting with people as I do: there's the trouble listening, or your skin crawling, or middle finger spasms or the strong desire to get blind drunk

… that people need to understand that I might be mean, but I have a good heart. When I tell someone to go to Hell I still hope they get there safely.

… that people don’t understand that I’ll always apologize when I am wrong, but never when I’m provoked. You lit that match now eat the fire.

… that there are people you meet in life and you instantly know that you want to spend your entire life without them.

… that people need to remember that if I offend you, you can cry me a river. I will bring a raft and snacks and be eating chips and working on my tan while I float down your tears.