I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

So, Michael Strahan, ex-football player and co-host of Live with Kelly and Michael, and his fiancé of seven years have split up … and not without the drama, you know, because Nicole, formerly married to Eddie Murphy, knows all about divorce, and she announced the split mere hours before Strahan’s induction into the NFL Hall of Fame.

Sources say Nicole wanted to dampen Strahan's weekend because the breakup occurred when Michael wouldn’t marry Nicole without a prenup — she took Eddie for a load of dough in that divorce and maybe Michael was being cautious?

Other sources say Nicole is a woman scorned because she ALLEGEDLY got wind that Michael might be dating another woman in early July and started investigating and when she was convinced it was true she went public with it instantly … the night he was inducted to the Hall of Fame.

Shade.

Nicole insists her timing wasn’t out of revenge, rather a total coincidence because that’s when she knew for sure. It just happened to come precisely when Michael was getting the greatest honor of his career.

Shady.

I’ve heard this story many times before, but this new wrinkle is so high-larious it bears talking about.

Lindsay Lohan has had more than her fair share of drama, including six, or is it seven, court-ordered visits to rehab, many arrests and several days spent in jail, so now she wants to put pen to paper and tell her side of the story because , well, girl needs coins.

Lohan has been holding meetings — apparently on yachts and in night clubs because that’s the only place anyone ever sees her — with publishing houses to discuss her tell-all book, and promised not to hold back on any detail, like dishing about that F**k Buddy List, and her drug use, her alcohol addiction, her need to lie, her criminal past, her rehab stays, her wack-a-doo family, and, oh yeah, her career.

But the high-larious part is that Lindsay knows she cannot actually write a whole book — it’s unclear if she could even read a whole book — and has let it slip that she would like her book ghostwritten by either Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James or Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling.

Lindsay Lohan actually thinks either one of these writers would ghostwrite the memoirs of a drug addicted has-been? High-larious, I say, high-larious.

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of LA County Jail?

Fifty Shades of Cray Cray?

This breaks my heart … sarcasm … but Kate Gosselin and her bodyguard/lover/confidante Steve Neild have split up.

Back in 2008, TLC, hired Steve to protect the Gosselin 8, AKA Kate’s paycheck, while filming of the craptastic Jon & Kate Plus 8, but Kate wanted Steve all to herself because, well, famewhore and needy bitch.

And that’s when the rumors that Kate and Steve were doing the nasty started, and when Kate’s marriage fell apart … cheating does that sometimes. After that, Kate and Steve were inseparable, and he spent more time “guarding” her body than watching the children, even his own kids. In fact, as recently as last Spring Kate and Steve shared a hotel room while she filmed Celebrity Apprentice and the kids were … where were the kids? Kate? Kate? Anyone?

And I guess that’s what finally ticked off Steve’s wife — oh, yeah, he’s married — Gina, who, after watching Kate and Steve globetrot and hold hands and act all gooey in public for six years, decided it was time to give him an ultimatum: Kate or her.

And Steve dumped Kate faster than her TV audience when they realized she’s a famewhoring horrible mother.

Karma.Bitch.

So, I still giggle at the idea of Orlando Bloom throwing a punch at Justin Bieber in that Ibiza nightclub, but what brings a smile to my face is the fact that most people, and many celebrities, applauded the Bieber Almost-Smackdown.

A bunch of famous whores, including Leonardo DiCaprio, Diddy and Lindsay Lohan — well, famous and whores — were at Cipriani’s that night when the star of the football team tried to smack down the boy cheerleader, and they all took their places on Team Orly.

A witness tells it like this:

“Justin said something when he came in which was aimed at Orlando, who then jumped onto a sofa to try and get at Justin. When Orlando punched Bieber, everyone started clapping. Lindsay was laughing. It was amazing. The whole table he and DiCaprio were on were clapping. Afterwards, I don’t know if people were congratulating Orlando or trying to calm him down. When security saw that when they got separated, Bieber and Orlando tried to punch each other again, security were like, ‘Bieber came, Bieber provoked this fight’, so they took his hands behind his back and took him away from the restaurant.”

Leo actually clapped after seeing the missed punch — even though rumor has it he also bedded Orlando’s ex-wife Miranda Kerr — and Lindsay Lohan laughed.

Here’s the deal: if Lindsay Lohan thinks you’re a pathetic loser, you’re a pathetic loser. Justin.

And that’s what makes me laugh.

Lord, I love a feud, especially between a dancer and a zaftig Scientologist.

It seems Dancing With The Stars [?] resident dancing machine Maksim Chmerkovskiy threw some mighty shade at his former pal Kirstie Alley on an episode of Watch What Happens Live — where most great feuds star … ask a housewife — during a call-in segment when he was asked if Kirstie ever tried to indoctrinate him into Scientology.

He said No, but then host Andy Cohen asked if he gets along well with Kirstie and Maks said:

“Until recently. She stopped getting along with me. I think the world of her. I’m not judging people by their religion. I’m Jewish, and you know, I don’t really believe in science fiction, but whatever. We had a great relationship. I thought we had a great relationship, and if it was something else or not, I don’t know. But I got a message that now that I’m associating with other people that she can’t be associated with, I am no longer to be spoken with, and sorry, but that is what it is.”

Now, Maks didn’t name names but it was clear he was speaking about former DWTS alum, and former Scientologist, and former Alley friend, Leah Remini, who escaped Scientology and has been the subject of Alley’s scorn and twitter-fight ever since.

But why is Maks suddenly so friendly with Leah and not with Kirstie? Glad you asked.

Well, he is ALLEGEDLY banging JLo like a sledgehammer and JLo is besties with Leah. So, to make JLo happy, and keep that ass within reach, he’s moved on from Kirstie to Leah.

Sounds about right. Lotsa folks would shun their families to bump uglies with JLo; hell, lotsa folks have.

And let’s end with a sweet story about a celebrity …

Chris Pratt, star of the new mega-hit Guardians of the Galaxy recently gave an interview where he spoke about his son with wife Anna Fairs being born premature and how much it scared him that the boy might not live.

So, now Chris is hoping that his GotG Star-Lord character becomes a hero to children because he wants to dress up as Star-Lord to visit sick kids in the hospital. And he's already planned on doing so, in character:

 “I stole the jacket and some of the wardrobe so that, if this movie comes out and does what everyone hopes it can, I can follow the example of someone — say, like, a Russell Wilson [QB for the Seattle Seahawks] – and go visit kids. If it was a big enough movie to where it would mean something to a kid who’s sick in the hospital for Peter Quill or Star-Lord to come visit them, I’ll do that. … Right now, it means high profile, cool jobs coming up, big press tour, and all the excitement of it all. But none of that really means anything. The coolest things would be that my son can one day see this, and that maybe I can go affect some kids in a positive way; be a good role model for them.”

Excuse me; I have something in my eye ….

Sidenote:

If I get sick, could someone have Chris come to my house dressed like this: