Why Is It ...

… that when I tell people to pray for Carlos it’s not because there’s something wrong; it’s just that he married me and I’m a lot.

… that people don’t get it that I want to be invited but I won’t be coming.

… that when I’m feeling good I go to my blocked lists on social media and release one of two prisoners.

… that I can endure a lot of things at work without losing my cool, but having one of my “best pens” go missing is not one of them.

… that opening the microwave door 1 second early because I don’t need the hootin’ and hollerin’ is a form of self-care.

… that people seem to forget that I am Fucktose Intolerant and am completely unable to tolerate other people’s bull shit.

… that when Aphrodite lies around naked in a clamshell she’s a goddess, but when I do it, they call me a drunk and ban me from the aquarium.

… that no one remembers that I am not the bigger person; if you take it there, trust and believe that I am going way past that.

… that I’ve been having just two moods lately … IDGAF and IDGAF Part 2, now with extra attitude.

… that when the newscaster says shark-infested waters during a shark bite report, I shriek, “Sharks don’t infest the waters, THEY LIVE THERE!!!!!”