PR8EP7: Yours, Mine and Ours

We start the show as April prepares to move into the Witches Den. Gretchen moves her Designtestants VooDoo dolls to make room for April's things, while Ivy bashes April for her construction abilities, and Valerie just rambles on........and on..........and on.
Luckily, the torture ends, and the designtestants are summoned to the runway for their next assignment.

CHALLENGE
Heidi sends them packing to the river's edge to meet Tim Gunn and Michael Kors waiting beside a yacht. Of course, it's just a day off, and a cruise up the river, then down into the harbor, but no.......
That's the challenge. Yachts. Vacations. Resort wear. Create a resort look that's true to each designers aesthetic. Easy for Andy who lives in Hawaii, and probably wears resort clothing 24/7; same goes for Michael C, who lives in Palm Springs. But pity poor Mondo, whose idea of resort wear is men's underwear and t-shirts.
Wait. Where is that resort?
The designers cruise the harbor while Michael D cruises Christopher, and design their looks while having a sip and a nosh. They'll get $150.00 and ten minutes.....I kid.....to create their looks, but, as happens on the Project, Tim has a monkeywrench.
Each designer will be paired with another designer, who will act as their sample-maker, since designers cannot sew everything they design. The designer must make sure that the sample-maker executes their vision, because, at the end of the runway, the designer, not the sample-maker, will get Auf'd.

Let's rip........



Valerie
She gets paired with Andy, but spends most of her time bashing Michael C, because that's what Gretchen taught her to do, and then crying on the phone to her mother about how hard it is, because, you know, they have to sew and stuff.
Perhaps she thought she tried out for Top Chef.
When Michael Kors makes the workroom cruise, and critiques them, he is appalled by Valerie's awful color choices; this time, something he calls Cadet Blue. This causes more tears, and causes Valerie to tell us that if she doesn't win she gave up everything....Everything....to be there. Not like the other designers who gave up nothing to come to New York and live in seclusion for weeks on end.
Build a bridge, Valerie.
Better yet, build an outfit that doesn't make your model look hippy and fat. Build a pair of shorts out of some other fabric that doesn't scream Test Pattern.
Build something.
She gets a save.



Michael C
The bashing continues with Michael, especially when the designtestants learn that they have to team up. Michael gets tagged to Mondo, and Mondo, well, he just wants to quit. Right off the bat he's rude and condescending to Michael, bashing his lack of sewing skills. But, um, Mondo? Yeah, this challenge is proof that a designer really need not know how to sew.
That's where you come in: sample-maker.
And, Mondo, dear, one thing most designers do is....sketch. And that, you don't do. So, who has the disadvantage here?
Kors stops by and loves Michael's fabric choices, but warns him not to go over the top with styling. And Mondo continues to hate on Michael's design, loathes the fabrics, and doesn't see how the judges think so highly of him. In fact, he believes he deserves the win simply for being paired up with Michael C.
But then it happens. A miracle occurs....rainbows flood the workroom and angels sing. Mondo moves away from the Dark Side, and he and Michael begin working well together.
Mondo, to his credit, says he "was a dick" to Michael C.
So, he sews, and helps, and instructs, and Michael C ends up with a dress that looks gorgeous, and old Hollywood. Very Rita Hayworth.
Very safe.


Gretchen
We didn't see a lot of her this week....thanks, editors. And for the first time, we didn't hear her utter "design school project". It was nice.
Gretchen was teamed with Casanova, and I thought she'd run all over him, but she was helpful and nice. Who is this woman? And where's the real Gretchen? I start to like her.....then I remember.
That, of course, doesn't last long, as she soon tells us she's worried about Casanova's aesthetic and styling, and a glimmer of Bitch Gretchen comes out.
Kors hates her fabric choices, and wonders why she has this need for the "bordeaux" colored fabrics. And it does seem that Gretchen uses a lot of that wine, whiny, color. I think she's trying to create her own collection, using the Project as her workroom.
And yet it doesn't work. On the runway it looks odd, and mismatched and piece-mealed together. She says it looks rich, and I think it looks more Richie Cunningham dressed a s a woman to sneak into the girl's dorm on an old episode of Happy Days.
And, like the episode, it's sad, and bordeaux, and I am oh, bored.
But it gets a pass.


Christopher

His sample-maker is April, and they are oh so happy to be working together because they are oh so much alike. A queen and a goth. M'kay. I don't have much else to say about Christopher.

He's cute.

And he's nice when he stays away from Gretchen.

But his design, this design, is boring. The shorts are too long to be shorts, and too short to be capris. It throws off the proportion of the outfit. And the top just seems a little too towel-tossed-over-my-shoulder for me.

It's nice, but it ain't gonna get you to the tents.

Christopher needs to step it up unless all he wants it to be safe.

Like this week.


Mondo

Mondo lost and gained this week. He lost himself in this really sad looking resort thing; but he gained a little respect for admitting he was a jerk to Michael C. So, it's a win for personalty and a lose for design.

Kors stops by and minces and floats, "It's a whole lotta pattern." Meaning WTF are you thinking? And Mondo isn't thinking because he doesn't go to resorts and apparently doesn't know what resort means, because this hot mess looks a little drag queen to me. The boy short? I swear, and nothing against the model, but there is a bulge where a bulge shouldn't be...if you get my meaning.

I think Mondo threw this one away, and just went for wack-a-doo.

It isn't sexy, it isn't fabulous, it looks, and yes, I'll quote La Garcia, like K-Mart. Now, that's not bad, really, but it isn't designer. Nina found it disappointing and cheap looking; Kors reminded Mondo that all designers do resort wear, so he needs to step up. And, guest judge, American actress, as Heidi called her--which means you won't know who she is--Kristen Bell....who?...said it seemed a little young, and not for a woman.

It was called Junior, and apparently that's bad.

Mondo was almost Auf'd, but others, and I mean you Ivy, were far worse.

Ivy

Ivy is a bitch. She has a big head. She can sew. She's a bitch. She can't design.

Oh, and, she's a bitch.

The instant she was paired with Michael D, she began looking for the bus. Even before they began working she complained about his lack of skills. When she asked if he could make pants, he said he didn't think so, in the time allowed. So, in Ivy-speak, on the runway, that translated to "Michael doesn't know how to sew pants."

B-i-t-c-h.

What Michael had no control over, however, was Ivy's chose of bland fabrics. Seriously, this woman does not see color, because every week it's beige or white or pale yellow or beige.

But she keeps tossing out these technical terms to Michael, from her years of seamstress schooling, and she grows ever so weary, i.e. more bitchy, that he doesn't understand.

What I don't understand is why Michael D didn't hang Ivy with a beige noose. Seriously.

And as this mashed potato looking mess came down the runway, I kept thinking, resort wear should be fun. You're on holiday; you're at a beach; you're having fun. So dress in beige and white.

Boring beige and white.

On the runway it takes Ivy about a nanosecond to say that her design had to be changed and simplified because Michael D couldn't do what she wanted.

Drummond.Under.Bus.

And all the judges call her out on that. She was in charge; she created the deign. It was up to her to get him to execute it. But, as she said again and again, he couldn't.

Bus.Drags.Drummond.

Kors thought she had too many fabric choices and not one of them had any personalty: beige. Nina thinks Ivy is a fantastic seamstress but she doesn't know how to design--perhaps Kathy Lee still has her sweatshop up and running and needs a commandant?

Nina says she's no designer; Kors says she's only a seamstress; I say she's a no-talent-beige-making-bitch.

But she gets saved


Casanova

He works with Gretchen and I worry for him. See, she treats him like an illiterate foreigner, when she draws about a hundred pictures, many of them life-sized, to show him how she wants her dress made. He mutters that his English isn't good, but his eyes work just fine.

And about that English. Gretchen tells him the pants will need darts, and he says, "Darts? Oh, little pizzas!"

Yes. Little pizzas.

And perhaps a pizza break might have helped him this time, too, because he has slipped back into grandma clothes. In fact, he even says he's designing for his grandmother. And we all know that won't be good.

Kors even mentions the 'o' word as he cruises the workroom, and he's right. Old. On the runway I instantly think Blanche Deveraux, Golden Girls, and you know that won't sit well with the judges.

Heidi calls it unfortunate, and Kors said it would be perfect....for a seventy-year-old woman at a mall. Nina doesn't get Casanova. One week slutty. One week grandma. One week good. One week grandma. Pick an aesthetic already; I mean, there must be a market for old ladies out there.....somewhere.

And Grandma's Designer gets Auf'd. Which is sad, because, Ivy's a bitch and she should have gone. And because Casanova is fun and funny, and esaaaaaaaaaaaaaackly what the show needed. And, true to his personality, he gets the end-of-show montage like he was Jo and this was his last Facts of Life episode ever. Sweet funny.

But Ivy should have gone....under a bus.


Michael D

He drew the Bitch Card and was chained to Ivy for the day.

Hell.

And he almost made a huge mistake when he grabbed a roll of neon pink fabric at Mood, and then asked Tim if he should change from his usual dark aesthetic, to a pink one. Tim deserves a raise for telling him to be true to himself, because Drummond went back to black, and hit the Top Three.

All good, except for the Poison Ivy.

The minute she saw his design, the first thing she said was, Oh that's beautiful." Okay, she actually said, "It's nothing personal, but it's a challenge."

Ivy-speak for Awful.

Michael spends most of the day trying to keep Ivy calm. He says he'll do what he does best for her, and she'll hand him her neuroses. Which she does, as she sits practically in his lap while he sews her dress. He asks a question and she commands, "If we could just finish this."

Which I would have taken as instructions to kill her.

But what better way to kill Ivy than to have your outfit go Top Three while hers goes Bottom Three.

And Drummond, whose grating, whiny, nasally voice drives me Ivy-crazy, gets props for his elegant sexy resort outfit.

Then Ivy throws him under the bus again, saying it was hard to execute his design because their skill levels are so different. His wins; hers, not so much. Kors calls it fabulous, very resort, while Kristen thinks it looks effortless--I took that as a slam to Ivy because that's how I roll. Nina thought it was perfect and would work well on any age.

Even Casanova's grandmother?

Michael comes in third.

Andy
Andy's sample-maker was crybaby Val, and he was instantly worried that she couldn't pull off a swimsuit. And his outfit will be work: special fabrics, a swimsuit, and a cover-up. How Val had time to call home and weep I'll never know.
But she does, and on the runway, this is my favorite.
It looked elegant and sexy, and the swimsuit was fantastic. Kors nods knowingly at Nina as it passes by; expect the very thing in his next collection.
Just sayin'.
Heidi calls it commercial, which I always thought was bad, but apparently not this time. Nina said it was sophisticated and expensive. Kors dubbed it beautifully done, and Kristen Bell said it was a design that could fit all sizes.
And it should have won in my book. Nothing against April....we'll get to her....but week after week Andy does fully realized designs with beautifully styled models. Why he doesn't win is beyond me.
Maybe commercial was a bad word.

April
She'll do an asylum-inspired resort wear look, something along the lines of what Lohan might wear to rehab and then a coke party. She gets Chris to make her outfit, and they are Chip'n'Dale.
After you.
No after you.
No after you.
Alright already!
When Kors visits in the workroom, he tells April that she might consider a boy short and sheer cover-up, and April was planning to do just that until the asylum voices told her No. But she shut them out and listened only to Kors, and she ended up with this.
And I like. I don't love.
It doesn't look resort wear, unless the resort is Dracula's castle. It looks negligee, which isn't bad, really. Maybe I don't get resort wear, because the judges loved it.
Kors thought it looked baby-doll-punk, just like April, and Heidi thought it hot and sexy. Nina said Stunning. Fantastic. Kristen Bell said she'd wear it on the red carpet.
Someone needs to talk to her. Resort, yes. Bedroom, yes. Red carpet? Really?
But it gets the win this week, and April, full of emotion, said, Really? Cool?
This is not an excitable girl. But I'm glad she won, especially now that she's living with the Witches of Bitchwick.

So, that's that.
Not a lot of drama, because I think Gretchen ended up on the cutting room floor to make room for the Ivy Bitch-A-Pa-Looza.
Next week looks more intrusting.
Jackie Kennedy.
Goth.
Trainwreck.
I'll be there.