The UNFunny Papers

Gary Taxall, Robert Unell, Jonathan Brown, Rick McKee, Michael de Adder, Max Espinoza, Bill Bramhall, Nick Anderson, Clay Bennett, Jon Ostrove, Ann Telnaes, Lalo Alcaraz

Another Deadly Milestone

This week we hit that mark … Covid-19 is now officially the deadliest outbreak in recent American history, surpassing the US fatalities from the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic. You know, when we had no vaccines and access to health care was far worse than today.

Now over eighteen months into this thing deaths due to Covid in America alone crossed the 675,000 mark on Monday and are rising at an average of more than 1,900 fatalities each and every day, due to the fast-spreading Delta Variant.

The 1918 flu—which came in three waves, from the spring of 1918, the fall of 1918, and the winter and spring of 1919—killed an estimated 675,000 Americans in total, so now a 100 years later with modern technologies and treatments and new science available, we are still watching Americans die.

But by all means, please tell me masks don’t work and vaccines don’t work, because these new deaths and new cases fall squarely at the feet of those who don’t mask up and didn’t get the prick because … because.

Let’s compare that flu in 1918 and 1919, and COVID in 2020 and 2021:

In 1918 the US population was an estimated 103 million people; in 2020 the population was roughly 330 million. That means the 1918 flu killed about 1 in every 150 Americans, while COVID has taken the lives of 1 in 500.

Sure, there were fewer people in this country in 1918, so the percentages of those who died then are greater than today but think about healthcare and vaccines and treatments that we have today that were mere dreams to medical professionals a century ago. Unlike today, there was no vaccine for the 1918 flu; unlike today there was no CDC or national public health department; there were no antibiotics, intensive care units, ventilators or IV fluids.

And yet now more of us are dying than died then … some 2,000 a day.

The greatest country on Earth with the most stupid people who are more concerned with vacations and bars and football games than they are with helping save their fellow men and women.

And children.

CNBC

The Funny Papers

Kevin Siers, Joe Heller, Bruce MacKinnon, Mike Smith, Ed Hall, Mike Luckovich, Steve Sack, Dave Whamond, Michael de Adder, Steve Breen, Bill Bramhall, Darrin Bell, Jack Ohman, Drew Sheneman, Nick Anderson,

The Funny Papers

Pedro Molina, Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, Matt Wuerker, Mike Luckovich, Bill Day, Rick McKee, Steve Sack, JD Crowe, Ann Telnaes, Michael de Adder, Marc Murphy

This Is What I Happens When I Forget My Mask ....

Luckily, as I parked my car, I noticed an elderly woman coming down the street, so I snatched her pocket book and wore it over my head.

Problem solved.

Bobservations

Let’s talk about just one of the reasons I love me some Carlos: he’s funny. And I love funny.

Every week he buys some stuff from the Deli for sandwiches during the week, and because he’s such a creature of habit it’s always chicken and swiss cheese. A while back, I suggested he get some ham, you know, to live wild and be crazy! And so now he buys chicken and swiss cheese …and ham.

But, because of his eyesight, and the teeny tiny lettering on each package of deli goods, he normally writes on the label himself when he gets them home: pollo, for chicken, queso, for cheese, and jamon, for ham. I thought it cute, until last week, after coming home from the store, when he created new labels:

He’s not the greatest artiste, but I smile every time I make a sammich.

Seriously, even a cat knows the difference between a riot and a terror attack. I think he needs to give a TED talk to the GOP.

Publishing giant Simon & Schuster have given the boot to traitorous Senator Josh Hawley’s upcoming book after the Missouri ReTHUGlican helped lead seditious efforts to try and overturn the U.S. presidential election, saying:

“We did not come to this decision lightly. As a publisher it will always be our mission to amplify a variety of voices and viewpoints: At the same time, we take seriously our larger public responsibility as citizens, and cannot support Senator Hawley after his role in what became a dangerous threat.”

True to form, Hawley whined about the cancellation on Twitter:

“This could not be more Orwellian. Simon & Schuster is canceling my contract because I was representing my constituents, leading a debate on the Senate floor on voter integrity, which they have now decided to redefine as sedition. Let me be clear, this is not just a contract dispute. It’s a direct assault on the First Amendment. Only approved speech can now be published. This is the Left looking to cancel everyone they don’t approve of. I will fight this cancel culture with everything I have. We’ll see you in court.”

Oh, Josh, you dumbass, Simon and Schuster can cancel any book deal they choose because they pick who they want to sell and who they don’t. And they don’t care to be associated with a seditionist.

It’s not them, it’s you.

Oh Anna, what have you wrought?

Vogue had planned to have Vice President … the first female … the first person of color .. Kamala Harris on the cover and that up there on the right is what they came up with. Kamala in front of some cheesy pink and green sheets like she was strolling through a Bed Bath and Beyond and stopped for a selfie.

Seriously, Anna. And yet that photo on the left is classy, elegant and Vice Presidential.

How did they not notice the difference?

As a result of the GOP aiding and abetting, and inciting a terror attack on this country, some of America's biggest companies are suspending donations to GOP Congress members who objected to the Electoral College's votes.

The list includes American Express, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Commerce Bank, Dow Chemical, Marriott, Airbnb, Amazon, AT&T, Comcast, Commerce Bank, Mastercard, and Verizon.

Some companies have opted to suspend donations to all politicians, regardless of whether or not they voted against upholding the Electoral College results; they include 3M, Bank of America, Charles Schwab, Citigroup, Coca-Cola, Deloitte, Facebook, Ford, Goldman Sachs, Google, Hallmark, Hilton, JPMorgan, Microsoft, Salesforce, Target, UPS, and Visa.

Many other companies have announced they would "review" their contributions in light of recent events but lacked the stronger stances taken by their corporate peers; they include CVS, Delta, ExxonMobil, FedEx and Walmart.

Good. Stop the money, stop the asshats.

I'm always on the lookout for a new mask. I bought this one, but I don’t think this is how you wear it.

What? Is this true? ReTHUGlican lawmakers—who were held captive by homegrown domestic terrorist just last week, are livid about the new metal detectors installed outside the House chamber after the attack. To be clear, these asshats, and ALL are GOP goose-steppers, are upset because they wanna bring their guns into the Capitol, and they include:

Steve Scalise, who was shot at a baseball game a few years back, who says the metal detectors were ”designed to impede lawmakers from voting.” Um, Steve? How does a metal detector stop you from voting unless you’re so f**king stupid you think it’s a voting machine?

Markwayne Mullin, who has also refused to wear a mask inside House Chambers, says he has a Constitutional right to carry a gun into the Capitol. Greg Steube denounced the "atrocities" that have happened in the Capitol lately, namely “the installation of metal detectors.”

Not the attack. Not the dead police officer. Metal detectors.

Seriously. After being attacked last week, when not one of these heroes used their guns to stop the attack—all it takes to stop a bad guy is a good guy with a gun, or so we’ve been told—these fools only care about their so-called right to carry.

Fuck them all.

Benjamin Freemantle is an artist, model, choreographer. Director, writer, and a principal dancer with the San Francisco ballet. He’s cute and nerdy and gives good face.

He looks good in clothes and dresses and in nothing at all.

Dirty or clean or lying nekkid on a blanket.

And anyone who can leap through the streets of San Francisco in their undies is all right with me. Just sayin’.